Ep. 17 - Band Parents: Best Friends or Worst Enemies?

Band parents aren’t problems to manage — they’re a gold mine of support just waiting to be invited in. In Episode 17, we talk about professional communication (and why GroupMe doesn’t count), handling conflict face-to-face, being proactive instead of reactive, and simple relationship builders that change everything: shake hands, say hi, listen, and tell the truth.

We also share real stories, practical ways to recruit help and give parents ownership, and the small detail that can make or break trust:

End rehearsal on time. Every time.

Questions? Comments? - Reach out! teamislas@gmail.com

Books:
https://teamislas.com/shop/

YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@TeamIslas
 https://www.youtube.com/@zachscheer

Socials:
Doug
https://www.facebook.com/doug.bush.31
https://www.instagram.com/teamislas/

Patricia
https://www.facebook.com/patricia.a.islas
https://www.instagram.com/babypvibes/

Zach
https://www.facebook.com/zachscheer/
https://www.instagram.com/zach_scheer/

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:16

Greetings and salutations, friends, and welcome back to the Team Islas Podcast, episode 17. My name is Doug Bush, and today I'm joined by Patricia Eslas and Zach Scheer. And this podcast is for anyone looking to better themselves in percussion education. Love them or hate them, you absolutely need them on your side. They can be your biggest supporters and advocate, and they are definitely your students' biggest supporters. Today's episode is about band parents. Before we get going here, I want to do a shout out to two very special listeners, Josh and Kristen Solon. These are longtime friends of Team E Sloss's, uh, who have a lovely daughter, and she is in her freshman year for a small little band program in the area, Hebron Band, if you've ever heard of it.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Never heard of it. I have. I've heard of them.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Pretty, pretty monumental program. And uh they are loving their first year as band parents. And these are two individuals that I was in high school marching band with back in the day. Um, I feel like there was like, I think about 45 of us in our band program. And Josh was the Trumbone section leader, and Kristen was in the uh color guard, which we called the flag corps. So I know it's real special having their daughter in such an exceptional, um, just world-renowned ensemble. Now we were getting ramen with him, and Josh uh was saying how much he enjoys listening to the podcast and said, Hey, I have an idea for an episode. And Josh is full of ideas, so we didn't know what this was gonna be. And this was a good one. He said, You guys should do an episode on uh band parents. It's like, oh my gosh, that's a great idea. And pitches to Zach, he's like, Yeah, that sounds wonderful. We should absolutely do that. So um, Zach, what are some of the things that you would say a percussion educator should be mindful of when dealing with band parents?

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Yeah, absolutely. Um, thank you, Mr. Bush. I'll first say I'm gonna try to like wear a couple different hats in this conversation. Obviously, first is my percussion director hat. Um, but as a parent of four children, uh, second is my parent hat. And I have especially my oldest two that are now getting into my my oldest is actually in band at his school now. Um and uh as my kids get older, they're involved in more stuff. So I feel like I've kind of seen the other side of this as well, which is helpful. Um, and then uh I also, I was just telling you guys this a second ago. Um, when I moved into the house I live into now, I moved in next door to two band parents in a program that I didn't teach at. And I got to kind of, I didn't really tell them exactly that I had been a percussion director, you know? And so I got to kind of hear like the unfiltered band parent commentary, you know, which was very helpful to me as well. Um but uh I I think the first thing to talk about when we talk about band parents is um the general mindset you should have as a percussion director, is that the parents of your students you teach are assets, not liabilities. They are uh a group of people that represents a huge opportunity for you to help meet the program goals that you have. Absolutely. So um they they even though they might not always act like it or they might not know how to go about it, they want you to be successful because they want their kid to be successful. Um and that it can be hard to figure out how to make that work, but but that's first. Let's look at them as assets, not liabilities. Um, that means that we should be proactive about turning this group of people into support. Because like I said, they they do want to support. So um the first thing that comes to mind is communication. Again, proactive communication. If I'm a percussion director, I want to make sure uh that I am communicating, kind of like we said uh in the culture podcasts, like um day one is earlier than you think it is. And I actually uh another previous example we gave uh talking about Drumline Camp was giving the dates of next year's camp a year in advance. That's a perfect example of effective, proactive communication on your side as the percussion director to the parents. Um, so your communication should be proactive. Um, it should be also professional. Um I know it's popular and I know it's convenient, but I don't think professional, effective communication really happens if we're talking about important dates. It does not happen on GroupMe, text messages, or social media posts.

SPEAKER_02 4:55

But it's so easy to do that.

SPEAKER_00 4:57

Yeah, that's great if you're sharing cat videos, Missy Truss. Okay. Or in your case, Boston Terrier videos. Yeah. That's great. Or like, okay, you know, uh, we we meet we made finals at the contest or whatever and we're posting a graphic. That that's great. Um, I I know that group me and like group chats are very popular and they have their place. That's fine. But if we are communicating calendars, things about money, things about like non-negotiables about what uniform you need or whatever. Um, I don't think as a percussion director, I want that to just be a random notification right next to the candy crush notification on their phone.

SPEAKER_02 5:35

Yeah, it doesn't have the same level of importance as it as it deserves.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

Exactly, exactly. And then I also think you can't expect them to hold to that if you just communicated it in a random group meet chat, right? So um use professional communication. I think the the easiest, most common form of professional communication is emails. Maybe that's a weekly newsletter, maybe that's it looks different in every program, but use email when appropriate to communicate things that are really important. I think that's important. The other thing I think is just another mindset thing is that you are communicating with the parents because they run the kids' lives. Yeah. If we just, you know, as Johnny, who's a freshman, is just walking in the door, we tell him about a schedule change next week to the rehearsal or whatever, and then he doesn't quite get the memo and he doesn't show up or whatever. That I yeah, I that's what's gonna happen. If you communicate that way. Um, but if it's something people really need to know, you need to communicate it to the parents. Um, and and I think that's very, very important. All too often the kids look at us and like, yeah, I got it. But that's not quite fair to put that on them, I think.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. They're being asked to remember, remember a lot. Uh the students are, right, already. Uh, you know, I mean, I think this is uh a bad habit that a lot of educators fall into, is treating their class like it's the only class. Oh. And definitely like their class, like it's the most important class. And I mean, there's just only so much that this poor student, especially nowadays, can maintain and take with them. So if you're not upholding your end of the communication, you know, it's it's not uh, you know, it's kind of your fault for trusting a 14-year-old to deliver, deliver the now with this communication is really important because uh you don't know what you don't know. There's this the student is part of a family, and so conflicts are gonna arise, especially in like a Texas band program where we have contests every Saturday and football games every Friday night and after school rehearsals every Wednesday, and so negotiating and working through the natural conflicts that are gonna arrive and and communicating the weight of uh, you know, can Johnny miss this rehearsal versus can Johnny miss state prelims, right? And why and and trying to communicate why those are different things, right? What kind of advice do you have in navigating the conflicts that could arrive, Mr. Shear?

SPEAKER_00 7:57

Um, first, I think in order to make sure this is an actual conflict and not just um something that has come up that maybe really isn't a conflict, we need to have a proactive clear standard first, right? So before um there's the opportunity for these conflicts to arise, before we start the season, before maybe we even have auditions, I'm gonna have a clear, concise, consistent standard that everyone knows about and agrees to. That's the first thing to do to reduce the number of conflicts. But then, like you said, things will happen, right? Um, so number one, when there is conflict, I think you need to welcome that in a calm, professional, non-anxious way, right? I actually like if a parent is reaching out to you, I mean, maybe they're a little angry, maybe they're a little rude. Um, but it's good that they are reaching out. It's good that they didn't just go, yeah, we're not showing up, right?

SPEAKER_02 8:54

So I'm I'm gonna count it as a blessing to reach out at least an opportunity to hear them out. Exactly. That they feel like uh you will listen and be open enough to hear what their conflict is.

SPEAKER_00 9:05

Exactly. Like like you said, Miss Esau, this is an opportunity, right? So I'm gonna welcome it, I'm gonna invite them in, and I'm going to, especially if it's a little more heated, I'm gonna have this conversation in person. I can't tell you how much easier it is, especially in this day and age of keyboard warriors.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

Uh last night, uh, it was like the Chinese restaurant one. And it's like there's a dude on a payphone, right? And and and Costanza needs to get to this payphone. This dude will not budge. And Costanza's like, you know, so aggressive, like this guy's taking up all this time. It's a public phone, right? And won't budge. And he's so mad about it. But then this guy that was on the payphone, when he's leaving the restaurant, he stops by Castanza, it's a total stranger and in person, face to face, looks at him, puts his hand on his shoulder, says, Hey, I'm really sorry about taking that time on the phone. Cassandra is immediately like, oh, oh, no problem at all, don't worry about it. So again, we're detached. Uh, when you have this level of detachment, it's very easy to just like get angry about it. But when you have to face the person face to face, shake their hand, it's a lot easier to see them as a human and and sympathize.

SPEAKER_02 10:21

And to be seen as a human from the other side. If you're trying to negotiate uh what the student can be at or not be at, then it's important that uh everybody's on the same page and trying to solve this problem and not just adversarial the whole time.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

That's right. And I just you said the word negotiate. I just want to reiterate reiterate one more time. If you find yourself negotiating over and over and over and over about missing stuff or this or that or whatever, it's because there isn't a clear standard in the first place. Yeah, it's right. Like that's the only time this happens, if we're talking about the most common, which is like, can I miss this thing or whatever? It's because we do every once in a while run across exceptions to the rule.

SPEAKER_03 10:58

Right.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

But there's got to be a rule. So um, number one, I think you need to find the right hills to die on. You you cannot die on every hill. Um, if you do, more power to you. You're probably gonna have a very small program. And if you've made that decision, then okay, that that's fine. You just need to have awareness about that. Um, so uh you need to find the right hills to die on. That doesn't mean that there are no hills to die on. You you you can. There can be some non-negotiables. Um, I think that you need to tell the truth at all times.

SPEAKER_03 11:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

I think that's really important. Like, I think parents know when you're kind of not that you're gonna lie to them, but you're kind of trying to maybe hide the ball a little bit. Yeah. Be honest.

SPEAKER_02 11:38

I mean, they're experienced with this, right? They're doing it every day with their own their own kid.

SPEAKER_00 11:42

Yes, yes. Um, so um, I can think of two instances specifically where sort of the same thing happened. Um, one of them was like, yes, I'm dying on this hill. And one of them was like, even though this is really gonna hurt the program, I I cannot justify not signing with this parent. Um so I had a situation where a student came to me about a month before a big contest. The parent came to me and said, Um, hey, uh, my daughter who plays Marimba in the Coppel Drumline show is not gonna be able to be at this huge contest. And it was about a month before the contest. And it was for a very important family event, a family wedding, uh, which I understand the importance of. Um, but I was like, I'm sorry, it's non-negotiable. And and we're either going to say, Hey, uh, if you're gonna miss this performance, you're just out of the group. I'm sorry, you can't play Maremba in the group this season, um, or you have to be there.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

That's it. And the parent did not like it, but the the child missed the wedding and came to the performance. And and I didn't like it either. I I'm sorry, I wish we could do everything, but but we can't. Um, so I felt like that was the right decision, although it was hard and not popular. Um another similar situation, uh, the only difference was the timeline. So um we had a situation where our final competition of the season was later than it traditionally is. It was actually we were out of school, it was the Saturday before Thanksgiving break. And before that date had been released, a family um who had some um international travel, like I think to see family because they were from overseas. Um, they had booked almost a year in advance this major trip overseas um to go to go see family. And then after that, I came out with my dates, right? They immediately came to me um and said, Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, but we we cannot be at that performance. And their daughter was playing timpani in the show. There was no one to play her part.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

Only Timpanist. The only Timonist. No one else to follow her.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

And and I'll add to that, as just maybe a little bit of a selfish thing here, it was the best group I had ever taught. It was the group that I, Zach Shear, was like, this is the one that can win me the trophies. Uh-uh. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. And don't act, listeners, don't act like you haven't thought that as well. Okay. Because I I we all have, I'm just kidding, we we all have, right? Like, I was very excited about this group, like musically, but I was also excited for my career and like for the stuff that I thought we could do. Um, and she was a huge part of that. She was also incredible. Yeah. She was so good. Shout out to her, Caitlin, who played Caitlyn Tan, who played Tempany in 2015 at Capel. Incredible. Um, but she did not go with us to Lone Star, and and it wasn't her fault. I was like, hey guys, I I don't blame you. You know, I came out with the dates after you did, and I'm sorry, that that's just the way it goes. Um, for for me, you know, we all hated it, but it was I thought that was fair. Um I think the last kind of strategy that I think is really effective when you're dealing with parent conflict, especially a lower level of conflict, is to invite, and you should do this all the time, but especially when there's a conflict, invite that parent in to what's going on. So um my first year at Capel, I distinctly remember they had kind of like a drumline initiation. They like, it wasn't it wasn't like not hazing or anything. It wasn't hazing, but they had kind of they like woke them up in the middle of the night and like pulled him out and some, but it was like parents were involved. It wasn't like but it was a little bit okay, whatever. Um, there was a uh a parent of a freshman girl who was like not having it. She was like a little nervous about it and this and that, and and I understand that, but at the same time, I was like, I knew that it was a um a well-run, responsible thing.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

It's a bonding moment.

SPEAKER_00 15:33

Yeah, and and so I was like, oh, I don't know what to say. But my react my response to her was hey, to the parent, I think what would be best is why don't you be involved? Let me introduce you to the parent who runs this. Let you know, this is like a senior parent who's running it, right? Let me introduce you to the parent who runs this. I would love for you to actually be involved in it to be on the inside. We're totally transparent here. Yeah. We have nothing to hide.

SPEAKER_02 15:57

If something's uncomfortable, you can pull the plug at any moment.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Exactly. Um and so, yeah, I think inviting parents in um not only gets you more support so you can do more things, but it it shows them that you have nothing to hide and that you actually want them to be a part of what's going on, you know? Yeah, sunlight, what's the phrase? Sunlight can be the best disinfectant. You know, it's kind of the same thing in like parent conflict, like inviting them in and shining a light on everything you do and how they can be involved and help, I think, can go a long way.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

Right.

unknown 16:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

Just to double back a little bit on your your comments about the conflict, I had a thought it's probably you know, really easy in a situation where you have a limited number of students and um maybe you know your senamarimbus, you said couldn't be there, so it was a big deal. Like they probably have a very integral part in the show. Maybe they're even starting some movements of the show, like they have to be there. But uh, as an educator, it's probably a little easier if it's like your second or third or fourth rack kid that has the conflict to be like, oh yeah, that's okay. Right? You have a wedding to go to, or you have this family vacation that was planned a couple months ago. Yeah, that's fine. But it's an opportunity for you to prove through your actions, not only to the students especially, but to the parents, that everyone is valuable in the program and everyone has uh an important role to play. Uh it's equal across the board. So you won't have these students that are like, oh, well, what what about that person who's playing rack? They could do this. And then you're gonna have more conflicts arise with the parents because of your inconsistencies. It's a chance to just develop the culture a little bit more in a way that you might miss.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, lock-in, listener. Hey, you still there? You hear what she just said? That is, how do I get my baseline good, Mr. Bush? Oh, how do I get the back row and my front ensemble good? That's what she's talking about right there. Is if you treat people unequally, you're gonna get unequal things, right? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

You know, Mr. Bush, I know you've experienced this in Missy Slus, too. I have taught many drumline camps where I show up. All the snares and quads are always there.

SPEAKER_03 18:07

Right.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

And I have had um, and again, and like I understand, I do understand this mindset, but I just I don't think it's effective if you want to have a full group that's really good. I have had teachers tell me, um, well, yeah, you know, so and so got put on bass or so-and-so got put on vibraphone because they couldn't come to the camp. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 18:28

Yeah, oh gosh.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

And it's like, or or because, you know, they just couldn't, they're they're also in whatever it is, they're in underwater competitive underwater basket weaving. And so they're gonna miss every fourth rehearsal. So we went ahead and put them on vibrphone. And I'm like, well, okay, I understand you can do that, but then don't expect your vibes to be good. Right. Don't expect other really great players to want to go play vibes.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

Again, you know, again, exactly reiterating what Ms. La said. Uh you're you're teaching through your actions here, and that that is like how you do anything is how you do everything. You are sending a clear message to the students and the parents that some of these things are more important than others, and some of these things are held to a certain standard, and other things aren't. You just need to lay down that foundation and lay down that standard from the beginning. And I know that for some of you, you heard Mr. Shearer's story about the Marimbist and and having this tough conversation with the parents about hey, it's your program. You that's your decision to make. If you're comfortable with like a oh, a month before the gig, that's fine. But you are the one that has to decide that standard and then hold yourself to that standard throughout the the career or the season as to wherever you're wanting to go. Like uh, yeah, it's just gonna be the program is a reflection of you, the students are a reflection of you, and that this comes all the way to how you handle the parents, the directors, everything. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 19:51

And there may be some tough calls that you have to make. You might lose a student that may be one of your best freshmen or even uh a leader in the group because they are they're in a tough situation. And that sucks, but that's life that's gonna happen for this this young person as they grow up as well. It's not always uh clean cut the answer and the choice that needs to be made. Um, but you're at the end of the day, even if it is tough and it sucks, and you're gonna lose someone that's important and maybe valuable to the success of the group this year, you're actually doing yourself a favor, future you and your future students if you're setting the standard now and making it really clear.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

Absolutely. Absolutely. I I would also just add context matters. Yeah, you know, like what worked uh for me in year six at Cap Hell is not what would work if I went to a school in New Jersey tomorrow that had never had a percussion director and had, you know, nine kids in the percussion section, and we were trying to grow something and it's a really small school. Context matters, you know, and that's that's not bad, that's good. Um you can be consistent even within your given context. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:05

I I would also add uh the emotional that you put behind it is also important. If you set those boundaries, if you set those lines at the beginning and make it very clear what the expectation is, and then something goes down, like someone has to leave or they have to make a decision that they don't like, uh, you're not, it's not an emotional choice that you're having to make. It is this is the rule, this is what it is, and you don't show any negative emotion towards the parents or the family or the students because of that. And then more parents in the future are gonna be more likely to come to you with comments. But if you're very angry about the situation and then you walk into this rehearsal and you bring that anger to the kids, then everyone's gonna read like, oh, this is a problem that I shouldn't bring to Mr. or Mrs. So and so. I should just keep this to myself and then just not show up.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Uh you know, Miss East Less, you said you need to have an existing standard and then you Need to not get angry, right? Like I think those two things go together. I I know I I I have learned this lesson the hard way, and I've talked to other teachers who find themselves in this situation. It's like, okay, so you didn't set a standard, and then people didn't abide by a standard because you didn't set one, and now you're angry.

SPEAKER_03 22:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

Why are you why what are you angry? And again, like with my parent hat on, right? Like if I've got kids in sports or the organizations or whatever, like I I as a parent have actually like gone and looked, like, okay, what is the policy for whatever we're doing?

SPEAKER_03 22:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

And if there's not a policy, I can't.

SPEAKER_02 22:34

You have no ground.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

So then, like, what am I supposed to do? Um, so yeah, set a clear standard. That's that's just so important. Um I I will add one more thing, which is um develop relationships. You know, uh I I can think of distinct moments where I went, especially at the younger kids uh level. Like I went um to that sixth grade beginner concert, or I went to that middle school Christmas concert, and then um sought out those younger kids' parents, sixth, seventh, eighth grade, went right up to them, shook their hand, introduced myself. Yeah, right? Yeah hi, Mr. So-and-so, and again, I'm saying Mr. Right. Hi, Mr. So and so. I'm Zach Schear, I'm Johnny's percussion teacher. I don't think we've met yet. And before they can say anything, I just want to tell you how much I enjoy having Johnny in class because he always looks me right in the eye, or he always is prepared for class, or whatever. I'm gonna like introduce myself, look him in the eye, shake their hand, give their kid a compliment.

SPEAKER_01 23:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:48

That goes such a long way.

SPEAKER_01 23:49

That goes such a long way.

SPEAKER_00 23:50

Such a long way.

SPEAKER_01 23:51

Yeah, you gotta remember, I mean, they're people too, right? You know, these bandparents. And uh uh the majority of them, uh, I mean, they all obviously really care for their kids, but the majority of them also uh are wanting to invest in the program at some level of whatever their means are, you know, for some might it might be financially, for some it might be time. You know, a lot of these programs, I mean, you see these prop crews, holy smokes, if I could get the copel uh Marchie Band pop prop crew to come over to our house, this is uh the value of this home, you know. Uh the stuff that they build uh that they're just dedicating their time and effort and energy to is just unreal. And I know for me early in my career, I had a very valuable lesson um getting to work with the incredible Jeff Perry. Uh and he was at McKinney High School. And this was like one of my first gigs ever out of drum core. I think I was like 21 years old, and so I was so excited to be a drumline tech working with this guy in the program. And we're in the lot for the first major drumline contest. And we're we've literally warmed up. We've played our eights, our bucks, our double beat. We're playing the show, and one of the bass drummers' mothers shows up with a plastic bag in her hand from party supply store, and she starts pulling out pirate hats. These are like Halloween decoration hats and placing them on the heads of the children while they are playing the show. Uh, because I think maybe our show was like pirate themed, just I don't know. And I could feel, oh my gosh, it was like the Hulk. I I thought to myself, am I about to get arrested? Am I going to physically attack this grown woman right now? Am I gonna be on the news? Uh I I just couldn't even fathom what was happening. But Jeff was so calm and so professional. And he waited until the rep was done and he didn't even address it. He just addressed the kids and told them what they did well and made them feel really good about performance. And then he kind of collected the hats and went to the mom and in such a calm, professional and and compassionate way, explained, hey, I appreciate you going and thinking of the group and going and picking these up into this. I don't know that it's quite appropriate right now for the show, but we'll talk about it after the performance. And um, that was such a great lesson because she's just wanting to help, she's just wanting to make it better, right? And uh, you know, it's just something that that a young Mr. Bush very much needed to see and experience to be a part of because it's um uh when you have a high standard and when you take a lot of pride in what you're doing, um, you can I myself, many times in my career, I've unfairly then pushed my values on other people, uh, you know, other bandparents, other students, and other people I'm working with. And um, those are their decisions to make, you know, not mine. My my decision is for mine. And what I can control is how I choose to respond to it. And in no way did Mr. Perry lower his standards, you know, in that moment. He reinforced them. I mean, he he showed the kids what was way more important. I mean, I have no idea what we what place we got or what captured anything, but I still remember him through his action showing, hey, this is how a grown professional adult handles an awkward situation, you know, with calmness and compassion. And like that's the lesson. And even if none of the kids got the lesson, I got the lesson, you know.

SPEAKER_00 27:13

Yeah, absolutely. Um you know, Mr. Bush, something that I hear all the time from percussion educators is man, I really want to fill in the blank. They really want to um record for PaySake or Midwest, or they really want to win these drumline competitions, or they want to take their group to Dayton, or they they have all these goals and they're they feel like they're just like climbing up a mountain, like trying to do all these things, like and I'm like, I'm trying to teach the beginners and the middle school kids, and I'm writing the beats, and I'm building the props, and I'm doing this. And it's like, okay, if if you want to do all these things for your program, you want to do more than you can physically do yourself. Good. Good. Um I got news for you. If you don't recruit people to help you do those things, they will not ever happen. They won't. You if you want to do big things, those big things are more than you can do yourself. So you got to get more than yourself involved. And um, I guarantee you you have parents on the sidelines who want to help.

SPEAKER_02 28:20

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 28:21

And they you might think they know that you need help. They don't. Or they don't know what to do. That's exactly right. And so you need to number one say, I would love some help. Here are the things I need help with. You need to go to specific parents and ask, find parents who want to and can help, and then give them ownership. Yes, you have to look oversee it and make sure they're doing the right thing, but give them ownership, give them responsibility, and then thank them. Yeah. Either in person or with a handwritten letter. Let me say that again. Either in person or with a handwritten letter, which I know you have a story about, Mr.

SPEAKER_03 28:59

Bush.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

Um but I have had parents, I have consistently been like floored, totally shocked by what parents would do for the program. Absolutely. I'm like, I I don't even know if I would do that. Right.

SPEAKER_01 29:13

Well, yeah, what my favorite examples of this was James Smith at Sherman High School discovering that one of the parents was a guitarist. And before the season started, he showed this parent the snare guts and how to tune them. And this parent, every week, would show up with his guitar pick and hand-tune every individual gut. Oh my god. Can you imagine that? No, that doesn't happen in drum core, right? You know what I'm trying to say? Every week you're getting your guts hand to and needlessly to say, I mean, he had tapes he would play with so much pride where the judge is just going on and on about the quality of the snare sound. You know, I mean, one time we had a giant hanging here at the house. I think you might have even been part of it. I don't know if you remember, and he brought the drum. It was like on the table.

SPEAKER_02 30:03

It was seat belted in the front seat of the car.

SPEAKER_01 30:07

Listen to this, look at this, you know. Um, and that's a great example of what you're saying. I mean, uh, I think every percussion director would love a mythological, you know, this fantasy of like, oh yeah, I can hand tune the guts. Right. Right. There's no universe where you're gonna have the time to do that, right? And so uh the creativeness that James had to see this skill set that this parent would have, and and that you think about how great that parent felt.

SPEAKER_02 30:31

Oh, I know, yeah. I mean, these parents have all of these incredible skills that they develop either through hobbies or even through their own careers, that if they give an opportunity to be able to share that in a way that's gonna help their student, but also this whole program, then it's incredibly fulfilling for them. On top of the fact that they get to be more active in a thing that their their kid is spending a lot of time doing. I know for my parents, they were both uh band booster club presidents and they were really involved in the band when I was in high school, in middle school and in high school. And some of their fondest memories were going on band trips and uh taking my grandfather along to the Rose Bowl Parade or San Antonio or whatever, and you know, the relationships that they would then build with the other parents, and uh my dad was a photographer, and so some of the photos that he took ended up in the newspaper, shows how old I am. Yeah, but it was it was like uh a family thing, it wasn't just an activity that I disappeared for you know an entire semester and they never saw me. Um, it was a way for them to connect with me more.

SPEAKER_00 31:33

That's oh, I love that, Missy Slot.

SPEAKER_01 31:35

That's such a great point. I mean, just this year 2025, right? We got done with our last drumline contest, and I didn't, you know, I'm trying to live in the moment. I'm not taking photos, I'm not recording video, but I know that the snare section leader uh that her father was taking a lot of pictures, the bass section leader, uh his mother was taking a lot of pictures. So I just reached out to him, like, hey, do you have any pictures from the event? They shared this photo album with me, and unironically, like half of the album is just other band parents and percussion parents.

SPEAKER_02 32:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

Because of the friendships that they have made through this, it's just them with each other hanging out and this, and it was and it was like, and then the other half is the kids and the staff. Yeah, and it's like, yeah, that's a whole world you don't know and you're not even a part of, you're not even aware of. But if you can kind of cultivate an environment, and this is something that you know, Randall Wynne is just a master of, and he just cultivates this environment that everyone feels it doesn't matter if he's dealing with a student or a staff member or a parent, they feel welcomed, they feel involved, they feel valued, and then they're able to kind of flourish like this.

SPEAKER_00 32:35

Yeah, it I um invite them in, invite them in invite them in, like Patricia. Your parents were invited in. You know, they were welcome, just like you said. Um, and I think um the way I could sum up what I was trying to say earlier is like, yes, if you feel like percussion directors, I know you all feel like this, you feel like I just can't do it all. You're right. You can't, you can't, yeah. So you actually should, if you want to get your program to the next level, only do what only you can do. Right? Someone else can build the props, apparently, tune the guts, right? Maybe someone else can do a lot of things. Um and uh that can be very, very powerful. Very powerful. Uh Mr. Bush, I know before we started, you mentioned um how we as teachers can honor that commitment and be respectful to parents with the way we run our rehearsals.

SPEAKER_01 33:32

Absolutely, absolutely. Man, I feel so strongly about this personally. Uh if rehearsal, if rehearsal starts at 3 30, it starts at 3 30. Like you're not walking in the door at 3 30. You've shown up early, you've done your stuff. But if rehearsal ends at 5 30, it ends at 5 30.

SPEAKER_00 33:49

No, no, Mr. Bush, I'm still, we just had the closure doesn't sound good yet.

SPEAKER_01 33:53

I know, I know. I've I've I've heard it. I've heard, oh, it's not over till it's over. You know, the source of pride, you know, that that kind of thing. It's like, um we're not um cirque-sole here or whatever. You know, you're not some professional, like, like we are a high school. These are high school children that are part of families. That, you know, an aunt flew in from India and is staying out of town, the the dinner is waiting at home. Uh, you know, uh my best friend, I asked him, you know, what do you have lunch with him yesterday? Oh, what you doing? He's like, I'm just driving my youngest daughter to play date after play date after play date after play date. Uh Mr. Rennick came out to the clinic, the group a couple years ago, is I welcome off. Oh, good to see you, Paul. First thing he says to me, Doug, I'm just an Uber driver for my kids. Right? They have lives, they have commitments. And if you want respect, it has to be earned. And you earn that by holding to the things that you say and holding to your commitments, right? And uh, hey, spoiler alert, if it's if you didn't get where you wanted to go by 5 30, that's on you, also. What did you do prior to the rehearsal? Are you oversaying your expectations? Are you being inefficient? Oh my gosh, the number of times that I see these, like, oh, this is what we're gonna do. After 15 minutes, we're gonna move on. Guess we're not moving on after 15 minutes, 45 minutes. We're still on just the snare intro, the basis of literally not played a note. Yeah, right. You know, um, yeah, that's on you. That's on your pacing, that's on your organization, that's on your whatever, you know. Uh, but you need to reflect on that. Uh, you should not take even more time away from these students and their families. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 35:33

Um, I would also say uh everything you do in your program, from your personal demeanor to the way you interact with parents to the way you end rehearsal on time or don't end rehearsal on time, sends a very clear message about you, your level of professionalism, and what it's like to be in your program. And that's gonna come back to you in the type of kids that come to your program, right? So over time, you will develop you and your program will develop a reputation. Period. Yes. That might be a reputation for professionalism, communication, um, conflict resolution, and ending rehearsal on time, or it might be a reputation um for being disrespectful of people's time by constantly going over. And I got news for you with my okay, I'm putting my parent hat on now. I have I have four kids, and my wife and I regularly spend like, I feel like we need an algorithm to figure out our schedule.

SPEAKER_02 36:35

I don't know how you do it. Right?

SPEAKER_00 36:36

Like, I mean, and I so like we actually do put a lot of effort into like, okay, this kid's gotta go here, then we gotta drop that one off with grandma, then I gotta come over here, then we gotta drive that car. Oh, we gotta switch the car seats there, back up. Okay, right?

SPEAKER_03 36:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:47

So, like, because we want to honor those schedules that we're getting from teachers or coaches or whatever, we put a lot of effort into that. But then if somebody messes it up, okay, well, now you might be making me late to three more things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:59

And it's not just you or your kids, it could be grandma, it could be the uh the babysitter, it could be someone's so-and-so's friend's parents.

SPEAKER_00 37:06

Yes. And and I'm telling you, like, as again, with my parent hot on, my parent hat on, I have said these words. Hey, that fill in the blank, whatever it is, sports league or school thing or whatever. They, we can't, we're not doing that next year. We're not. I'm sorry, we're out because it just doesn't work, and they clearly don't have a it's a mess over there. It's a mess over there. Yeah. So um, you don't want people to say that about your program. So be professional, be proactive, welcome in conflict, and develop relationships.

SPEAKER_01 37:37

Absolutely, absolutely. Hey, thanks uh for hanging out with us today, friends. If you have any questions for the podcast, send them to teamesloss at gmail.com. That's teameslos, t-e-a-m, i-s-l-a-s at gmail.com. Shout out to all the great percussion companies that support teameslos. That's Maypex Majestic Percussion, Dynasty Percussion, Remo Drumheads, ProMark Sticks and Mounts, Sabian Symbols, Beetle Percussion, and Lot Ride apparel. Once again, another shout out to the wonderful Josh and Kristen Solon, two of the best bandparents you could ever hope for, two of the best friends you could ever hope for, and one of the best former Medieval Times knights in all of existence.

SPEAKER_02 38:22

That's right. That's what he said.

SPEAKER_01 38:24

That's the claim to fame. We'll probably let you know that he auditioned for and made bottom bass drum for the Phantom Regiment cadets. Whoa. But decided not to do it so that he could pursue his dream of being a knight at medieval times. True, right? Uh speaking of the things that you can support and elevate your program, have you checked out the player's guide yet? Uh, we were at a party just a couple weekends ago where I was speaking with a local percussion director who had recently switched to the player's guide, and he said that uh his students are further ahead than they've ever been. And and I think this is a very important word, they're retaining the information better than they have in the past. It's one thing to introduce a lot of concepts, but it's another to structure something in a way where those concepts are retained and built upon. Uh so if you haven't checked it out yet, please do. Thanks again for joining us. And don't forget to like and subscribe, and please give us that five with five star review. Remember, friends, step one is time, step two is sound, and step three is subscribing to the Team East Lost Podcast.