Bits and Boobs
Ever wished someone would just say the messy, rogue thoughts bouncing around your head after a cancer diagnosis or health crisis out loud? Yep. That’s us.
We’re Dakota Middleby and Bianca Innes, your hosts of Bits & Boobs - a podcast that’s anything but your average cancer story. Think raw chats, WTF moments, big feelings, and the kind of unfiltered honesty we all crave but rarely hear.
We’re joined by incredible guests who educate not only our listeners, but us too. Together, we talk about the things that make us, break us, and rebuild us.
We cry. We laugh. Sometimes we laugh at the worst possible moments.
Whether you’re navigating a diagnosis yourself, supporting someone you love, or simply trying to understand the messy reality of health, this is a space where you can feel a little less alone.
Wrapped up in laughs, tears, and way too many “same” moments, we’re here to say the things no one else will (but you’ve 100% thought).
🎧 Follow the journey on Instagram: @bitsandboobs.podcast
💫 Connect with us: @dakotamiddleby & @biancainnes
Bits and Boobs
S2, Ep.6 Zoladex news, signs from the universe & We’re turning ONE!
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
This week, we’re having a good old-fashioned yap about everything that’s been going on lately. Bianca shares why she is heading to Parliament House in Canberra! We chat about the Zoladex news and what it means for so many women, and of course, we get into some of the little spiritual moments that have happened lately that have had us both going “wait… what?!”
Plus, we’re celebrating a pretty special milestone - Bits & Boobs turning ONE!!! and a massive giveaway to go with 🥹 One whole year of conversations, laughs, tears, guests, and saying the things we wish someone had said to us.
Grab a cup of tea, get comfy and come have a catch-up with us 🤍
🎧 Follow the journey on Instagram & TikTok: @bitsandboobs.podcast
✨ Connect with us: @dakotamiddleby & @biancainnes
Hi, I'm Dean, and I'm a Dakota. And we're two girls in our 20s that have experienced cancer. We're talking everything you don't find in the brooches. We're raw, we're brogue, and we're not afraid to share everything that a cancer encompasses. Buckle up because we're really going there. Welcome to Bits and Boobs.
SPEAKER_01Welcome back to this week's episode of Bits and Boobs. We are so excited for you guys to be joining in with us this week. Now, let's kind of chat about what's been happening. Because hi. Hi. Literally. Like honestly, we have so much to catch up on. Our last episode. Literally. So well, our last episode was incredible. And it was yours. And as the listeners may have heard, I was you said that I might come on and do my own little bit. And I listened to it and I was like, no, that's let's just keep that as it is. Because there's I know when I was going through treatment, I was looking for specific things. And the fact that you were just speaking about your own experience having stage four metastatic breast cancer. I was like, you know what? The stage is yours. And it was incredible. How did you feel after recording that?
SPEAKER_02It's so funny because that was not my intention that episode at all, like to kind of say the things. It kind of just came up, and I guess it felt natural to do so. But that was when you think about it, when we were discussing what we were going to talk about, it was nowhere near going to be anything like that. But I think Bali had like that big like revelation, kind of feeling me pulling in different directions and made me kind of think about a lot of things and made me journal a lot of things. And it was like things were just kind of coming out. And I do once I'd finished the episode and like I'd listened back to it before it went live, obviously. There was other things where I was like, oh damn, if I knew it was going to be an episode based on like, you know, what it is like navigating at a stage four, then I feel like there would have been a lot more things that would be useful to kind of put in there. But then also in saying that I guess that's just someone being super raw about how.
SPEAKER_01And I think like that's what people want, you know. And especially when you're in when you kind of, I found myself like when you're looking for particular, I don't know, modalities that are out there or information, you kind of just want it right there and then. And I think that your recording was shit. This is how I'm feeling. I think you recorded at like 6 a.m. Yeah. And you're like, yep, I've just blurted it out. And that's exactly what people want to hear and want to be able to digest because of the time that they're searching for something, they're looking for anything that will just make them feel seen. And that's exactly what you did with that episode. Did you have how'd you go with like the feedback of that? Was it a bit overwhelming? Do you find it difficult to? I mean, it's really heavy having a lot of people while their intention is always amazing. I found that with me, you put something out there that's so raw and you get this feedback, and it's like, oh, it's overwhelming to have to reply and do all that. Did you find that?
SPEAKER_02So true. And you know what? That actually is like something I did want to talk about with you today and like how you navigated that as well. Because I feel like I feel like I said to someone the other day, it's almost like I kind of choose to, I mean, put aside the podcast, for example. Obviously, this is a platform that we love to educate on and you know, but as like build community in that sense. Community, yes, definitely. But then at the same time as like, you know, choosing to kind of post on TikTok, choosing to kind of post on Instagram. I feel like it's like I obviously choose to chronically put my life online. So like you kind of have to expect that there is going to be people that maybe you don't know that are reaching out to you and are going, like, hey, you know, I've been following along and I just want to check in and like good luck for your scan today, because like, you know, that's what you've spoken about, or whatever it is. So I guess it's like kind of trying to find that balance of like what works best for me, and you know, maybe choosing to not share as much, or knowing that when I do look at these messages, it's like, okay, cool, they don't need a response right now because you know, things are in the works of like feeling a bit emotional, and especially like, you know, the other day we got that beautiful message on bits and boobs from that lady, and then like straight away I was like, you know what? That's actually like right now, I don't think will serve me to reply in when I'm in this state and kind of you know, realizing, okay, it's all right, maybe I will go back to that at some point.
SPEAKER_01I think that was a really good exercise of like your personal boundaries of being like, okay, no, I'm going to reply to this when I'm in the right headspace. Like it doesn't demand an instant reply. And I think that we're in such a world where everything is on demand, and when you're something like that's so heavy, yeah, you have to learn to be like, okay, I'm just protecting myself for the moment because these people they send incredible messages and we say this don't ever stop. We're not we're not saying to please not do that. But it's, and I'm sure that other listeners can understand this when they get messages from family or friends. Yes. It's just learning to be like, okay, I accept that love that that is bringing in. However, they're not aware of the situation that I'm sitting in right now. You could be sitting in a great day, or you could have just received horrific news. They don't know. So I think giving yourself a little bit of grace and being like, it's okay, I can park that and come back to it. But it is, it's and then I I found like I got the guilt a bit because I was like, oh no, like I should, like I, you know, I should reply back.
SPEAKER_02I know what you mean. And that's the thing, you kind of sit there and you're like, oh, like what's gonna be right for me, like right now, kind of thing. And it is hard to kind of think about those things, but we do need to like in that moment, like it's like if it's not, yeah, if you feel a certain way, it's like I've just got to leave it for a little bit or let it sit, or whatever it might be. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01I think so. I had used to have like, mind you, this was back when I was going through treatment or when I was just at the end of it, is I would have a lot of people reach out and say, like, I found this lump, or what do you think I should do? And I had to learn to be like, I can't carry that. Yeah. I'm, you know, I I really appreciate that you're reaching out, but I'm not a doctor. I just share my own personal experience. Like, if you think that something is wrong, you have to do that yourself.
SPEAKER_02And like you don't want to give the wrong idea either because you have to say something.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. And it's so hard because while I understand that they would reach out looking for advice, support, help because they're obviously scared. I'm not, I'm just someone that's gone through it. Like I didn't put my hand up to go through this. Yeah. And so I guess that's the kind of give and take that when you do put it out online, you you're opening yourself up to it, which is it's positive and negative at times.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I agree. Oh, it's so interesting. Like, even like having these conversations now, it was like I was thinking about um with like the scans and stuff we were talking about last week. It's like sometimes I feel like you don't feel those things all the time, right? Like when I was talking to you about like how I felt on the podcast, it was like I didn't, and talking about how I was feeling. That's not how you're feeling all the time. Don't you do you agree that when you were going through your scans and things like that back when it was happening to you, you don't feel like that all the time. You're not always in that scarcity mindset, but it's more just like when those things are happening at the time or you've got those three-month scans, and those are the things that you're thinking, you know, like that are coming.
SPEAKER_01Oh, absolutely. And the only the comparable thing that I have to it now is like waves of grief. Yeah. Because I you would, and I mean, I've got to have some scans coming up soon, so I'm sure that I'll be navigating those same feelings. But it's like you're busy, you're going about your day, you're fine, and then you think like, holy shit, I've got this scan, and what if it isn't good? And then you go in this spiral, and then you know, you've got to drive to the grocery store. So then you park it, and then it's so it's like, but when those feelings come over you, sometimes they are completely overwhelming. Oh my god, so debilitating. You've got to lay in bed, like it's hectic. Other times it's like you get this wave of emotion and a scared mindset or the what ifs.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And you can just kind of put it in your pocket and go along with your day. But like you said, like that what you recorded the other week was such a raw capture of that exact moment. But I think that highlights that to people that, yeah, you're not always like bubbly and outgoing and really like excited, but there's duality, like you can be really bubbly and excited and happy about life, but you can also carry this like deep sadness and fear.
SPEAKER_02I feel like I felt that so much this week, even last week. Like when we did I had the scans on the Friday, and then I went in for chemo on Monday, and it's now Friday, and I'm still feeling a bit yucky. Yeah, it's a big week, such a big week. But even like sitting there waiting for the scare, like waiting in there, it was like my normal oncologist wasn't in there, and that all automatically kind of shifted my mindset, and I hate that it did. But as soon as I saw that it was a different doctor, it's almost like I had that oh, and it kind of annoyed me, but I was like, hey, it is what it is. And then when he came in, um, and then when they were saying, like, oh, you know, we don't have the full report yet, but from what we can see, and then I was just like, When are we gonna get that? And he's like, Oh, um, it'll probably be like, you know, maybe two to three weeks. And I remember on Monday just putting my hands in my head because and it was more so just like in that moment, all I could think about is like how stressed I'd been, even since the Friday to the Monday. I was like, I cannot put myself through another part of scan anxiety and sit in the unknown for the next two weeks, and that is what really rocked me. I was like, I can't sit and wait and know that I'm not gonna be okay. But in that mindset as well, you have to be like, well, if it was something seriously bad, it they would have reported on it instantly. Instantly anyway, so I got really upset, and then they ended up going and getting my normal oncologist, and then he came in and he was like, just to give you a bit of peace of mind, like this is what we can kind of see. Um, so still don't have the full report back yet.
SPEAKER_01Um, and then how's that tension been going? I know you mentioned that you had some tension behind you.
SPEAKER_02Definitely better in the back of my head, but um it was more so just like feeling a bit like with my like side of my ribbon stuff. But I feel all right now, but yeah, it's just so interesting being in that scarcity mindset because you're constant, constantly just like, I don't want to live on this three-month term of like being like, what the fuck, am I okay? Like, you know, because you are living on a basis of every three months and been like, yep, I'm good. Yep, I'm good.
SPEAKER_01Like another three months, like you don't yeah, I completely I can't say I understand because I haven't been in that situation, but I can say that imagining what it would be like, it's like you get to the 12-week mark where you've relaxed and you've been able to get into the swing of things, and it's like, oh, okay, well, hold on. Do I get those next 12 months, like 12 weeks? And that would just be exhausting, and like that's not good for your body either, being in that stress. Have you found a way to kind of combat it, or is that something you're still navigating? Like what works and what doesn't?
SPEAKER_02I don't know. I feel like I just started seeing a psychologist, and I've only done one session. I've got another one with her next week, and it's been good to vent it out, but I've been noticing quite a few recent same patterns with me. Like even every night this week, well, when I've kind of been sitting, not every night, but I've been sitting on the lounge, and it's almost like I don't want to be a neg, but I'm just being honest. But I will sit there and I will like think about something real deep, and it's almost like I'm like, you know, when your eyes kind of start to feel a bit weird and you like want to cry. Like, I feel like I'll sit there multiple times this week, or I'm like, and it's almost like you make yourself cry, which is weird, but then I'm like, maybe sometimes these are the times you do need to feel it, and you just kind of like you like you and I always say, it's about grieving a life that you like thought you'd have, and like I need like just those things is what you think about, but otherwise, like I feel like I'm pretty good. It's more so just like getting through this like little shit stage part again, you know?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I wonder if there'd be like some great maybe you can be our guinea pig for the um podcast to see what works and what doesn't, but you know, maybe doing like some more like natural healing stuff. Like I don't know, I I'm just throwing spaghetti at the wall till it sticks, but you know, like Cass Miller does the most incredible work I see on her stories and stuff, like energy healers and Reiki, all this sort of thing. And I think, well, maybe if you're you're already doing the most in terms of like your scans, your chemo, everything, maybe introducing that sort of stuff and seeing if it works. Yeah. And trying those things. And trying, and then, you know, maybe because a lot of people they don't really they don't understand it, so they don't touch that sort of world. Yeah. And it might be really cool, you know, not only for your own healing, but it might be a really great way for you to give feedback to those in the community of like, hey, true, you know, I I never really considered that this all like energy healing, Reiki, whatever. But I've done it and I've found this incredible benefit. I mean, there's got to be something in it. Has to be, yeah. Has to be. So I wonder if in implementing something like that in that 12 weeks, because it's such a positive, like uplifting, light-filled activity, I guess, or session, I don't know what you call it. Definitely such a good idea. But that could be cool, yeah. Tell us how what you started back at work. Come on, give us a little update. I have so I'm just working a casual job three days a week. I've been working for the company for like, yeah, for ages, um, be pre-kids, and they've been amazing. Like, just I've been able to do three set days, both the boys are in Kindy. I feel like it may just seem yeah, and it like it's been a really exciting thing for myself because there is no way, like, obviously, the listeners wouldn't understand all the background and everything, but three months ago, there is no way that I would be in the mental state to be able to be like, I'm gonna go do three days at work. So for me, that's a massive, massive, massive step. I'm really proud of myself. Um, and then I want to tell everyone about what I'm doing down in Canberra. Oh my god, yes, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_02Okay, take it away. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_02So um and give dates and everything too.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_02You're right. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I'm heading down to Canberra to Parliament House two days after my 30th birthday, so in like a week and a bit, which is really exciting. I the I swear the last time I went to Parliament House is like year six. So yeah, it's so cool. But what I'm actually going down there to do, and the listeners may remember that I've previously mentioned um how much using medicinal marijuana during my cancer treatment really helped me. And for those who maybe don't have a great understanding, just like a little spark notes version of it, is that I was taking 21 tablets every single night. So slow release, um, morphine, instant release, so targens, endones, uh, sleeping tablet still nox, Valium, panodol, neurofin, all of this because my bone pain and just my side effects from chemo were horrific. And I was allergic to my chemo, so we had to kind of combat it and it was an absolute shit show. So I had a conversation with one of my healthcare team, and he suggested that I go down the route of trying medicinal marijuana because it actually got to the point that one night I was in so much pain, I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't move, I had to call my dad on the phone who was down the hall, and say, like, I'm in, I was in excruciating pain, I couldn't walk, I need help. And I had maxed out the amount of pain relief I could have. So I had to sit there in crying pain until the clock essentially ticked over to be able to have more tablets. And so we came to my one of my healthcare team and we explained this, and he suggested medicinal marijuana. And when we went down that route, the relief that it gave me was immense. Now I'm like it was just a tincture, which was an oil. I had three drops under my tongue, and that night I had no pain relief, and I slept for eight hours straight. You got to sleep through the whole night, the whole night without being in pain. And now imagine being 20 years old and coming to your dad and saying, I don't want to keep doing this, I'd rather die than be in this pain. And we found something that was able to give me the will to keep going for treatment to continue. Yeah. So that's kind of my story with it. And with that, I'm actually taking myself and my story down to Parliament House to speak with um MPs and Parliament officials to allow them to understand from a patient perspective how incredible and beneficial this can be for people. Now, it's there is a lot of stigma around it, and I understand that, but I can only speak from my personal experience, and that was the fact that I was ready to completely seize treatment because it was just too much of my body, not bearable, which would mean it would have then progressed, and there's no way I would be here today.
SPEAKER_02And you're only speaking on your personal front anyway. So, like either way, whether someone believes in that or not, it's like it does, it's more so just like, hey, this is just what's worked for me, and I would love to extend that to people to let them know. I'm not saying it will work for them, but you're saying it's like this is well for me. If you want to give it a go, go for it. And that's kind of like the way that you're coming from, and because you speak so well as well, like it's just almost like someone exactly like yourself needs to be able to be that speaker because you articulate everything so well, you know, like you're so good at being able to really like make people think about those things, you know.
SPEAKER_01Thank you. And I I really want my main thing, and which has been the premise of doing the podcast, doing everything, all my speaking and and all of that, is that I would hate for there to be another young woman in the same position and not know and give up and not know that there is other help or there's other modalities. Not saying that they they can't work and coincide with the treatment that you're doing. Yeah, but I think that we tend to just be quite narrow-minded and I want people to understand that if it was your daughter or if it was you, you would literally be throwing spaghetti at the wall until it's stuck. Yeah, yeah. And so just remember that the we're real people, like like I always say, we're more than our date of birth and our first and last name. Yeah, and so me going down there is I don't know, really exciting step, I guess, in advocacy. And I'm so excited. I'm just I'm really so I'm gonna like I don't know, film it and do all that.
SPEAKER_02But I'm so excited. Oh my god, why are we talking about beautiful highs and things that we're doing, you know, for the advocacy piece. Um, should we quickly talk about our like first birthday as well?
SPEAKER_01Yes, we are almost one, which is fucking insane.
SPEAKER_02You know, this time last year, I'm almost certain it could have been today or tomorrow. Correct me if I'm wrong, I'd go through is when we did our photo shoot for No Way. Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty sure it's either today or tomorrow is when we did our photo shoot.
SPEAKER_01So cool.
SPEAKER_02I know. So, guys, yes, we are turning one and obviously Dakota and Bianca style, we um had to do something a little bit crazy. So we are two. We have six beautiful Australian small businesses that are getting on board with our beautiful community, and they want to give back to the community just as much as we want to give back to the community, and you know, we're both so grateful, aren't we? And we say that all the time.
SPEAKER_01It's so cool. Like the fact that this started, like honestly, guys, this started from two chicks meeting on TikTok and voice noting till the voice noting, yeah, and like both understanding that there was nothing out there for women that wasn't clinical. And the fact that in a year we've been able to create this. I mean, we're almost at five and a half thousand downloads, which is you know, it is a small number when you look in like the podcast world of the Joe Rogan, but not to us. Like this is this has been a completely, you know, we've been doing it remote. We've got just a mic and a set of headphones. I know. No marketing team. Like what you've done and how you've built our social media community has been absolutely epic. And the fact that now we get to give that back and show thanks to the people that have believed in us from the start is amazing. So, what are we doing? How are we celebrating our first birthday?
SPEAKER_02Okay, I'm not gonna tell you guys, well, Bianca knows, but we're not gonna say the um exactly what the who the small businesses are. It'll be a surprise on the 30th of June, but it's gonna be a massive giveaway, and we're gonna run it for a full two weeks. So from the 30th of June until the 14th of July, and it's pretty much gonna be, you know, tagging all your beautiful friends and family. And you know what? You don't even have to be going through something crazy to win this type of giveaway because this could be like you could win it and be like, oh, I want to keep that part for me, and I want to gift that to someone that's going through a hard time, doesn't matter whatever it is. It's just like a really nice curated kind of different kind of giveaways from different businesses.
SPEAKER_01So we're really so and it's just like it's so women centered, and it is like really it's just been all curated from such a point of thoughtfulness and care. And so please tag. Your mums, your sisters, your best friends. I think it's like the normal giveaways for your boyfriends to you or your husbands. Absolutely. And also, you know, this is a massive thing of after our first birthday, of making ourselves more visible to new members of the community. Because as we know, so many women are diagnosed each and every day. And the fact of maybe a random share or a comment can reach someone who really does need to hear our message. So we are super excited. That is going live. When is that again?
SPEAKER_02We'll do it on the the it will let it bli blah, blue, blue, blue blue. Um, sorry. Okay, can you tell I've had it? Um right, so the 30th of June. We'll run for the two weeks. Our birthday's on the 14th of July, so we'll draw the winner on that day. Cool.
SPEAKER_01Wow, super excited, guys. So keep an eye out on socials for that one. And uh may the best person win. May the best person win.
SPEAKER_02I also wanted to chat. I feel like you might have some more things to say on this, but I would also love to hear your perspective as well because we haven't spoken about it. But let's talk about what's going on in the media with the Zolodex and why they're kind of, yeah. I didn't really have much to do with it, and I feel like I'm the person that didn't like Zolodex, but I feel like it's different in each cancer and the things like that. So, you know, it's me, not like when I was looking at it, it didn't make such a big difference to me. So I don't have a full-on say about it if that makes sense. But there is other people where it is. So I'd love for you to kind of take that away because I love learning these things as well. And yeah, yes, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01Yes, so I'm sure a lot of women in our community have been have heard, have been told, have seen in the media what is currently going on with the Zolodex 3.6 milligram injection. Now, for me, that injection completely saved my life. Now, with AstraZeneca now deciding that they're taking that off the shelves and it will no longer be available for breast cancer and prostate cancer patients. I believe it's the end of the year now. I'm this may be wrong, so Google it, please.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I believe it's maybe the first of November or the first of December, it won't be available from. Now, what this means for breast cancer patients in particular, I'm gonna speak from my perspective, but yes, yeah. I was diagnosed at 20 with grade three, stage two B triple positive breast cancer. It had spread from the tumour to the lymph nodes in five days. And so that was from the point of my original ultrasound to then my biopsy. And on the day I was diagnosed, it was so fast spreading and was so hormone-driven at such a young age, they had to put me into medically induced menopause straight away. Now, so on the same day I was diagnosed was the same day I was put in menopause with no chance to freeze any eggs to do any fertility options whatsoever. We were literally just in survival mode. Yeah. Now what that injection did for me is that it completely suppressed my hormones. So, yes, it forced my body into menopause. It was horrific, as yours was as well. Um but because of my age, when I got through the cancer, they weren't kind of sure what my fertility options were going to be. So I was on Zolodex every month for five years, and it got to the point for me that I was just starting to have some really horrific side effects. And I was on it for such a long time because of my age, because of the hormone positive, all of that. And not only can Zolodex aid in the treatment of the breast cancer itself, but it also acts as essentially a fire blanket over the ovaries. So when you think about, you know, chemos coming in ravaged with a massive hose of fire, this is just sitting over your ovaries and hoping that it protects it. Now, for me, it did exactly that, and it did exactly how it was supposed to work because I was able to then go in and conceive my two sons naturally.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01But without Zolodex, I don't think I would one be here. And number two, my boys certainly wouldn't be here. And what I'm fearful for with Zolodex being taken off the shelves is that what happens to the young woman that's in a situation exactly like me, and there isn't something for doctors to quickly reach on and to give them to kind of essentially buy a little bit more time because that's what it did for me. It was able to slow down the growth of the cancer, so then I could have my port put in and then start chemo the next week.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01But I'm really fearful for what this means for women in this situation, and I'm even more fearful of what the stress of this will do to their bodies in terms of now they're starting to worry the women that are having it every month that are actively going through treatment. I'm incredibly worried that they're now starting to stress of what are they gonna do? They're now starting to worry about if I don't have this, could there be recurrence? There's so many what ifs surrounding it. And the thing is that AstraZeneca hasn't given an alternate option as of this moment, time of recording. There is a larger injection, which is pr pri primarily used for prostate cancer patients. However, it isn't on the PBS and it is a larger injection. So that injection is every three months. And it's expensive. And it's expensive because it's not on the PBS. So I'm my last check when I was going looking through some media stuff is I think it's close to $750 to $800 for that one injection. So that's every three months. However, that injection is not suitable for all women who are going through breast cancer. I know because I wasn't suitable for it, because I was getting so over being jabbed in the belly every four weeks. So I leave it. Exactly. And so I I just I'm really outraged. And as you can probably tell, I'm really passionate about this because I know how well it can work, and I know for a fact that I wouldn't be here and my kids wouldn't be here. And I hate that that option is potentially being ripped from underneath. Now, obviously, there is some time, like it's towards the end of the year that I'm told I've read that it is being pulled off shelves. Um, but just that panic and that fear-mongering within an already incredibly fearful community, I just I don't think it's very fair. So I'd love to do a call out to our community as well and let us know how this has affected you and how you feel about it. Yeah. Yeah, because I think that the more that this conversation is happening from people who are right in the center and the nebulous of the community, um, I think we are we will be able to make, I know it's a small drop in the ocean, but hey, it's us that it affects.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, that's um, that's my say on it. But it's yeah, it's actually outrageous.
SPEAKER_02See, I have two points on that. And this is another thing where so I feel like the first point is this shows exactly that everyone's whether you've got breast cancer or not. And if you're listening to this, and this is obviously a podcast for cancer in general, but saying for someone that maybe has never had any type of cancer and they're supporting someone, and you know, we've all used to think that cancer's cancer, right? But it just shows that every cancer is different, even every breast cancer, because when I got like this hormone positive and hormone negative, and because, for example, I could get off the Zolodex and I'm not relying on it as much as other people are, it's because mine wasn't positive, like it is in my hormones weren't positive to that. Do you know what I mean? Where if it was positive to it, I can't even imagine being someone right now that is like living with stage four and then also knowing that this is being taken away from me as well. You know, so but I can't relate to those people. But I guess what I'm trying to say is it shows that everyone's is different. Mine's not hormone positive, but the people that are and it's getting taken away, they would feel like I can't imagine feeling the way that I felt about scans this week, and then imagine hearing all this in the news and that's that as well. Like it's just it is crazy. But you know what? This is why we do talk about these things because the things that we do talk about, like we can obviously small changes that are happening, especially you know, with breast cancer network Australia and things like that, and they're doing all those amazing things. But the more conversations we have about these things, and like, you know, even you going to parliament, it's just like things are moving in the right direction. We just speak up as well as us speaking up and people being able to put their hand up and be like, hey, I've got something to say on that. I'd love to, you know.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. And I think as well, this is this is now reaching past those who either are directly or indirectly affected by cancer. But to my knowledge, Zolodex is actually used in the treatment of endometriosis. Yes, I heard that too. Yeah, and so, you know, I have a handful of girlfriends that suffer greatly with endometriosis. So again, if you are not directly or indirectly, you know, in the cancer sphere, but you're a girlfriend who's listening, and I would really love for you to start this conversation, even ask your girlfriends who you know have endometriosis. Is this going to affect you? Yeah. I think the more that these conversations, yeah, the more the conversation is happening, I think the more we're able to one make change and to allow the individuals who are affected by it to feel less alone because we all know how isolating this is already. Yes. So isolating. Oh my God. Yeah. So I'm all fired up about the Zolodex. But I know, like, I just I really, I really, really worry for the girl that was me in 2017 that isn't gonna get that option. So yeah, that's um that's on that. So we'll keep updating our community and obviously we'll you know be talking on it more because hopefully they're they've got to come up with another option because it's just it's quite simply cruel. Yeah. All right, shifting gears, shifting gears now. Okay, yeah. I your like we just spoke about your scans and stuff like that, and how you've been worried. Yeah. What are some things now that you kind of want to be taking moving forward? Because I think that in every like kind of hard moment that we have of this, you know, when the fear bubbles up, although it is really shit. I personally was able to always take like at least something out of it, like what I didn't, what I'm not gonna do again, or what I did that really helped. Like, have you found any of those while navigating that in that I guess that scan anxiety time period?
SPEAKER_02I think, like, really, like I know you always always speak about journaling, and I'd always really admired that about you. And I feel like I never really understood it completely, but I seriously, ever since I was like away and I was doing it, that's actually still been helping me. And even if I'm like talking or thinking of something, I'll text myself something, and then when I get back, like I will then dive deep into it. But it's a topic that like I might want to like call that. But that really helps me in that moment to take my mind off the crazy things, and yeah.
SPEAKER_01And for someone who didn't do that previously, how have you got into it? Like, are you using prompts or because I know that it isn't familiar for a lot of people? So, like, what's been what's been helping you get pen to paper?
SPEAKER_02Well, you know what's funny? I always feel like I start my thing with like because when you think about it, like when you were younger, it's like, do you like do your diary? Dear journal, do you diary? But it's um, I feel like the way that I've been doing it is like um, you know, I promised I would come back the next day or something like that, meaning like trying to kind of pretend I'm talking to it, but not, but like picking up from where I left off and kind of just putting like exactly how I feel. I feel like I said with the Kylie Minod documentary, like I had so much to say about that. And I feel like that's helped me in a lot of other areas of thinking things, and you know, I don't know, it's just yeah, cool. Like just opened up different like thought channels, I guess. Thought channels, yeah. And also another really good thing, I feel like maybe not be relevant to everyone, but I just like if you find a really nice tea that you like and it it could like represent something soothing for you, like when you have this sip of tea, it's like okay, that's my relax state, you know, and I feel like I definitely have clung on to like the same tea in the last week, and that's like my like so good. I don't know, that's that's awesome.
SPEAKER_01No, well, whatever works, like fuck. If standing on your head and like tapping on the wall works, I'm not judging whatever works for you. But yeah, that's awesome.
SPEAKER_02I was gonna ask you as well, um, in terms of because you're a little bit spiritual. I literally keep saying, I kid you not, whether um, I'm sorry, sorry if anyone's a vegetarian listening to this, but like my favorite seafood is octopus. And I know that sounds so rogue, but I kid you not, in the last month, whether I've seen octopus painting, whether I've seen you know, yeah, I've eaten when I ate octopus when we were away or whatever it is, but I have seen an octopus almost twice a week in some form, where like it's it's kind of wigging me out.
SPEAKER_01Really? And I mean that's like a rare, like that's not it's not like seeing a cat. Like you see that it's a cat portrait of a vet, like it's not wow, that's really interesting.
SPEAKER_02So now I'm gonna get really spiritual and woo-woo on you. I know that's why I was like, you're gonna sit and bubble and think about this, but I I'd actually will. I just thought I'd mention that because I'm wondering, like, does anyone else when they're kind of going through a weird crisis or something's going on of seeing the same pattern of something, you know? Like, I feel like the month before was a lot of number things for me, but this time it's been very specific, like a fucking octopus.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's really crazy. If I was you, I would like start journaling on that and just like and then journal on it, and then I would actually like sit and it's people are gonna think I'm actually some woo-woo bitch, but I kind of am. Um, but I would like sit and actually like close my eyes and visualize like what that means. Like when because when you sit and close your eyes and you think about this octopus, like what color is it? How does it look? How is it moving? And I like that's how I would interpret it. Actually, do you guys want to hear a really cool spiritual thing? Yes, I'm I do. Oh my god, is it the yeah?
SPEAKER_02Yep, yeah, yep, I do, yep. I want to get super okay.
SPEAKER_01So, my I've always I'm very spiritual in general. Like I I have my psychic that I go to see, and I see her, you know, every about 18 months. I don't see anyone else, she's incredible. Um, and I just have like my own little practices, I guess. Anywho, my brother who passed away um nine months ago, I can't believe it's been nine months, but I can't believe it's been nine months. I know, really crazy. Um and yeah, so he passed away nine months ago, and he knew that I loved this psychic, and he was also very spiritually in tune. Our whole family is just how we've grown up. And anyway, he was also a really deep thinker, and he was covered in tattoos, and um, he had a tattoo of a swallow on his hand, and the significance of the swallow being that swallows always return home. And um, he lived overseas, so the significance was that he would always find his way back home to us, being my dad and I. Anyway, knowing that I went over to my dad's house the other day, and he he's been living there like 15 years, so you kind of know what's about and what isn't about. Anyway, I pull up, picking up the kids from seeing my dad, and there was I kid you not, like 30 or 40 swallows swooping all over my dad's home.
SPEAKER_02I don't boost ones. The video was insane, guys. Like, she's not even doing it justice. Like it was actually honestly.
SPEAKER_01I let's put it on the stories. We'll put it on the stories when this episode goes live. Yep. Um, and if you know, you know, otherwise it'll just be a really random video of birds. But the significance being is that we've my dad has lived there for 15 years. It's our family home. This has never happened. There is maybe we've seen like one swallow out, you know, trying to get a bug, but the amount that there was was absolutely crazy, and they didn't go past the perimeter of the property. And and they stayed for about an hour, my dad said, because I was I watched for a little bit and it it it really over like I was overwhelmed and I had full like a visceral reaction, and I have no doubt that that was a sign from the universe, and 100%, yeah. It was not from a sign from the universe, it was a sign from my brother. And when I reminded my dad of the significance of the tattoo and everything, we just were both stunned and in silence, and it was they just had this dance, and it was a super windy day, so there was no bugs in the air because it was so windy, like it was honestly they were putting on a show for about an hour.
SPEAKER_02Wow.
SPEAKER_01And so the thing is is that always look for the magic because I promise you it's there. But I want you to to kind of sit in with that whole octopus thing because it's very strange.
SPEAKER_02It's so strange, and I'm not and that's the thing. It's like if it was like a once or twice thing, I'd be like, Yeah, but it was like it was malt. I don't know, maybe Bali has a significance of like art as octopuses. I don't know, but I I don't it was just like even I was with Alex the other day and I said, dude, I've seen that so many times in octopus, and he was like, What? But like because I hadn't actually told him what was going on, he was a bit confused, but it was more so things that were like.
SPEAKER_01Let me get all richy on this tonight. So weird. I'm gonna fully, yeah, that's really cool. Really, really cool. And I think, did you see more this week in time like in the scan period? Do you have you noticed more?
SPEAKER_02Like in terms of like a protection thing, or just the one at the hospital, which was on the wall, and that was it. So that was interesting. But wow, really cool. I know. Well, this episode has just been like all over the shop, and I love it. I know it has, it has. Well, I was gonna say we should I wanted to talk about those two people I met in Bali just quickly as well.
SPEAKER_01Yes, this was crazy, and that's also the significance of science as well. Yes, crazy. Okay, yep, you tell us that.
SPEAKER_02Mum and I went out to dinner, and we were no, no, we weren't, we weren't even sure if we were going to go out to dinner. We went to get a massage, and then we're like, oh, should we go get something to eat after? And then we walked into this restaurant and we sat at this table, and it was just us two, and then next thing it was like another table was free outside. So we just said, Hey, do you mind if we move outside? They're like, Yes. And then I walked out, we went set walked to sit at this table. And you know, when you kind of notice someone is looking at something on you, but like you know they're not judging or anything, and it's almost like now that I've got the port, I was wearing a boob tribe top, like obviously the port's visible. Whether she was looking at my chest or not, I don't, it's it doesn't bother me either. Yeah, like it is, yeah. Yeah, but it was like a continued kind of look, and I was like, oh, anyway, she had really like short hair, but I didn't really notice she rocked it just like I rock mine, yeah, and a lot of people rock theirs, so I didn't really think too much of it. Anyway, we're sitting there, we're having a yarn for like half an hour, but nothing about anything else. And then as they were leaving, she comes down and she leans down next to me really closely and she goes, Hey, I noticed your port. I just wanted to ask, are you okay? And I was like, Oh, yeah, like, you know, um just doing treatment every three weeks for this foreseeable future. And I was like, Oh, like how are you? Like, um, have you had something happen to like yourself or someone you know? And the beautiful woman literally just pulls up her shirt. She had her full vasectomy and just like her beautiful bare chest. Oh, I love that. How powerful. So powerful. And I was like, oh my god, and I just said to her, Oh my god, you rocket, you're like so beautiful. And then, so there was like two of them. So it was her and her husband, and they had their two kids there. And then it was also they were obviously with another couple, and then the other guy, then he turns around and he pulls up his shirt and he's got a port too, and they're a part of the same friendship group. And we kind of all just sat there looking at each other, being like, How crazy is it that in this one restaurant right now, that three of us are going through cancer treatment, have got ports to get this, and this is just in one restaurant in Bali, and like it was almost a saying of being like, How many other people do we not realize are going through? How many people do you put? Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_01It's like the perfect thing. It's like you never know what someone's going through with.
SPEAKER_02You never know what someone's going through. Anyway, the crazy thing was her name was Bianca, so that's why I was like, what the hell? That is just so wild, wild. And then the guy, I um I I did say at some point, hopefully they can come on as a guest, but this guy, he was beautiful as well. He had had 10 different cancers in his whole lifetime. No, that's insane. Different ones, too. And I was like, what? Like it was just so interesting. And he's like, Yep, I've paused treatment to come over to Bali. You know, they've you know, they've classed me as terminal. And I guess like I was really kind of shook up from that, but it also just made me realize what I said to you when I called you that next day, I was like, you know what? Well, like, if your oncologist does not let you go traveling, you need to find a new one that does because people like. Like him, you know, they want to go and live their beautiful life with their family on holidays. He wants to pause his treatment so he can go and do that. And you know what? Props to him in a high five and keep doing new because like Oh, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01And that's like having autonomy over your own happiness. Like really, because as we both know, you can either fold under it and it's fine if you do. Like there's there's no right or wrong. But you it's a choice. You either fold under it or you go, okay, fuck. Like I'm not getting rid of this thing, so it's coming along for the ride.
SPEAKER_02It's coming along for the ride.
SPEAKER_01Like I'm not, I'm not taking it's not taking me for a ride, essentially. Yeah. Oh wow. And also how symbolic to meet them on that trip, especially for what it meant for you. Like it was your 30th birthday trip with your mum. Like that was, yeah. I think that that really I've got goosebumps saying this. I think that that trip actually was what your soul needed. It really was.
SPEAKER_02And also, mum with the butterfly thing I was talking about. Mum wanted to get a butterfly tattoo to represent kind of because she knows how much I love butterflies, and I've got a butterfly tattoo on my arm. So, mum, the whole trip was talking about getting this butterfly tattoo, and it was the day before that we were leaving. We went to this cafe, the lady was taking her time to serve, and then she served someone else. And anyway, we were just like, oh, let's just go to the next one because it was kind of annoying. So it wasn't meant to be. And then we sit down at this table, pull out this chair, and there was a butterfly, and it was that beautiful that it looked fake. And I was like, Oh, the photo was insane. Yes! I was like, what the hell? That can't be real. And then the waitress goes, Yeah, the butterfly is real, and it stayed on this little thing on the table for so long. And I took a really beautiful little video and photo of it. I'm so glad I did. And it was like literally the afternoon that mum was going to get the butterfly tattoo that symbolized you know her own eye. But I was like, there were so many random little eye-opening things that happened, like awakening things. And I know not everyone gets around the stuff that you and I do, but it also shows that isn't it crazy? Like, I this is why I love this shit, and I'm just like so interested in the universe and the messages that it's kind of trying to say.
SPEAKER_01Oh, absolutely. And I think also then, like, I go a little bit deeper with that, and I'm like, oh, the butterfly, what does it symbolize? Like the metamorphos, like the transformation of an individual. Like, I just think that there's there really isn't such a thing as coincidence. Like it's crazy. Actually, I'll give you one more sign that I've got for my brother, which was really crazy. And so it was probably about three weeks after he passed away. I was putting my younger son to bed, and in their wardrobe, there's like a high shelf, and then inbuilt in the wardrobe at the right at the side, so you actually have no way of touching them, his inbuilt shelves. Now, in typical like girlfriend fashion, when I first moved in with my partner, I chucked all his shit in the hidden cupboards, and I haven't touched them since. Yeah, so and I haven't touched them since, right? And there's no reason for them to be like that I would touch them. So anyway, I was putting my son to bed and I've reached up to the top shelf, nowhere near where any of this stuff is stored, and I've gone to turn off the light, say goodnight, and a CD has literally flown from the inside of the wardrobe. I kid you not, like you're gonna think I'm told me this. Yeah, like it's actually pretty crazy. And a CD, not aggressively, but just like flew out and hit my foot. There is, and I swear, hand on heart, on my children's lives, there is no way that I've touched this or I've gone near those shelves in at this at any point, right? But this CD flies, hits myself, hits my foot. And I was like, oh, this is a bit weird. And I've picked up the CD and it was an Oasis CD. Now, my brother was 11 years older than me. Oasis is like what we grew up with. And I was like, no way, this like and I thought, nope, put a lid on it. I'm not gonna deal with this grief right now. I'm being present with my son, putting him to bed. So I've grabbed a CD, I've said goodnight, I've walked downstairs, and I said to my partner, hey, like, did you put this CD somewhere? Like, I kind of I wasn't, I really wasn't wanting to look into it, essentially. And he's like, What? He's like, No, I haven't seen that in like seven years. I thought that that got stolen out of my car when he because he has all CDs in his car and he thought that that was one of the ones that was taken. He's like, Where did you find that? Dude. And I said, Oh, it's like it just flew out at my foot. So obviously, I've looked at the Oasis CD to see if it's like the classic Wonder Wall one. It wasn't, but as I flipped it over, it had on the bottom, this record is produced by Big Brother Records. Dude, I literally have goosebumps, like and it wasn't like in little writing, it was in like really cool, like tattoo sort of like big font.
SPEAKER_00Wow.
SPEAKER_01And it said, and then on another bit, it was like this is this was produced by Big Brother Records in London. And my brother, my big brother lived in London, he just passed away. And there like there really was no, I've never seen it. And I've lived in this house for almost seven years. Never seen it. That's crazy. See what? Yeah. Yeah. I'm just like, I'm so there's no such thing as coincidence. And you know what? If it allows you to continue on in your day and give you a little bit of hope to get to the next one, then fucking grab it with both hands. Exactly. Grab it by the balls, baby. Grab it by the nuts or by the tits, whatever we've got. Whatever you got. Whatever you got. All right. Well, this was be this has been an epic catch-up. I think we both really needed this. You seem brighter now.
SPEAKER_02I do. I'm actually about to shake myself a lot. But um, I've been thinking they're kind of like cramping. I'm like, I'm cramping on, I'm cramping on. Um, anyway. All right, guys.
SPEAKER_01Well, my kids are about to come home. Dakota has a busy afternoon, and um and we will catch you next week. But watch out for our first birthday giveaway, and we love you all so much.
SPEAKER_02And also please don't forget to leave beautiful reviews if you love us because it helps us so much.
SPEAKER_01Yes, like the five star like, subscribe, all that on Spotify and Apple Podcasts because it really helps us reach the women and the people that need us most. We love you guys. Love you, bye. Bye.