How the 'Single Parent Mindset' Might Save Your Sanity

Most couples don’t realise how much mental and domestic load they are carrying — until exhaustion, frustration, and decision fatigue hit a breaking point. 

In this candid episode, Ashleigh Kuhn and Katey Battenally unpack the unspoken struggles of household management, gendered expectations, and the power of shifting your mindset to operate as a "single parent" in a partnership.

When Ash’s husband James told her he was operating as if he was a single parent to ease her pressure, it was a game-changer for their relationship. That simple mindset shift helped reduce overwhelm, foster teamwork, and redefine what “help” really looks like. 

Drawing from studies like Eve Ronsky’s Fair Play and personal stories, they explore how traditional roles shape household responsibilities and why understanding the mental load is crucial for mental health and relationship resilience.

You’ll discover:

• Why women often shoulder 97% of household tasks and how this impacts mental health, burnout, and even postpartum depression.
• Practical strategies to communicate and rebalance domestic duties without blame or resentment.
• How adopting a single-parent mindset can empower both partners, reduce decision fatigue, and lead to a happier, more equitable home.
• The truth about weight loss, including how daily weight fluctuations are normal and why the scale isn’t the sole indicator of progress. 
• Real-life stories of managing power outages, household chaos, and the pursuit of health goals amidst parenting chaos, with actionable tips to handle your own single-parent moments with confidence. 

This episode is a must-listen for parents, partners, and anyone feeling the weight of domestic labor and seeking practical ways to break the cycle. If you’re ready to reclaim control, boost confidence, and build a partnership where everyone feels supported — even in the messiest moments — this conversation will give you the tools and mindset shifts to get there.

Ashleigh Kuhn is a seasoned nutrition coach and wellness advocate who specialises in helping women navigate health and lifestyle challenges while managing busy families. Her insights are rooted in her own experiences balancing motherhood, career, and wellbeing.

Follow us at @the_wingpodaus on Instagram and subscribe to @TheWingPodcastAu on Youtube to stay connected to every episode.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to the Wing, the emotional and financial health check you never knew you needed. We provide tangible solutions for young women to build emotional health and wealth on their journey from school to motherhood. This is the podcast for young women in Australia navigating the big stuff. Life, money, and motherhood. From high school to first homes, babies to bank accounts, we take you on an interactive listening journey that helps you make smart, empowered decisions every step of the way.

SPEAKER_02 0:37

Hello, ladies, and welcome to another episode of The Wing. We have returning guest, Ashley Kun. Hi Ash. Hi, thanks for having me again. Pleasure. Always a pleasure. And I must note that this is take three. Ash and I have had this podcast scheduled in to record twice before. The first time we were battling with daycare drop-off situations, and the second time I was in hospital. So we had to rearrange our planning and get back online when we're both good. So it's really good to be recording again and be chatting about some relevant things that are hopefully going to help our listeners. So today we're blending two kind of topics, and obviously we've got to find a way to weave them in together. But I want to start with something that Ash wrote. Ash has a newsletter that she sends out and it arrives in my inbox at 7 a.m., which I really love because when I check my emails, it's one of the first things I read. So I highly recommend subscribing to Ash's newsletter if you want more Ash, because I feel like she covers a lot of interesting topics around not just nutrition and health and wellness, but uh life, like practical, practical tips, practical situations, things that are actually happening in her life that are relevant to other people's lives. And the amount of times I've read Ash's newsletter and been like, oh my gosh, yes, I can relate to that. I can relate to that. Like it's it's very um well written and palatable, easy to read and very uh relatable. So one of the things Ash uh wrote about, now this is a little off track to our typical kind of, I guess, health and well-being kind of segment with Ash, but she titled it operating as a single parent. And I think that personally, single parents are operating at max capacity at all times and that they are dividing different priorities and conquering a lot of different conversations and having to mix, you know, lives and co-parenting strategies to benefit their children in the best possible way. Um, I know a lot of single parents out there and I see the hard work that they're doing, and it it makes you reflect on how you operate in your own life if that isn't necessarily your your situation. So, Ash, I might throw to you and get you to give us a bit more context around the topic and what brought you to write about it and tell us a bit more. Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

So, firstly, thank you for my that beautiful feedback on my newsletter. That's nice. Pleasure. And I totally agree. I think single parents are amazing. And I also don't want to pretend for a second that I have any of the same challenges as single parents, um, as someone, you know, who who is married and has a a partner. But I it basically came up because I think a lot of women will relate to this. And I I'm gonna be vulnerable about my own relationship for a second here. But I think that the mental load and the domestic load is something that my husband, James and I have really struggled with in our relationship. And it's I think that's very common for a lot of couples. And basically, it's been very much like a work in progress and kind of a learning curve for us to navigate life as a family from that point of view. And one day I felt like James was just really supporting me really well. I feel like lots of stuff was happening. I was like, what's going on here? And I said, like, you know, thank you so much. Like I'm really feeling a lot of the pressure eased up lately because you are so on the ball with tackling a lot of the domestic stuff. And he was like, Oh yeah, I just am um, I decided to operate as though I am a single parent. At first I was like so offended because I was like, What do you mean? Like, have I like I feel like I do so much? Like, what do you mean? He was like, No, no, it's because that way I'm able to kind of not assume that things are gonna get done and it helps me really like take action and show up and support our family because I'm not assuming that it's gonna get done if I don't do it. And it's just been a game changer for our relationship, to be honest.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

So complete mindset shift in that rather than thinking in a way that, you know, maybe it's looking at a pile of washing or seeing dishes in the sink or, you know, an unmade bed or whatever it may be, dirty bathroom, an unvacuued floor, like all of those little things that you're kind of as you're around your own home, you're looking at and you're like, need to get to that, I need to get to that, I'll do that tomorrow, I'll like you're constant, like we have a lot of decision fatigue. I think as people in general, uh, you know, anyone who's living in a house is going to be able to relate to that, but you take it on as your own responsibility. And sometimes if you've not had that conversation in a relationship, whether it is with your partner or even with a roommate, you're still going to have struggles around that part of, you know, looking after the house and not being able to compartmentalize and think, oh, I can see that there, I'll get to it later. Or then thinking, is somebody else going to pick that up and do that for me? Like you you kind of get into that mindset of what James went through in shifting his thinking around, okay, well, I'm just gonna presume that that's not going to get done, so that that's my responsibility. And then you're coming home or you're around and you're going, oh, I feel a bit redundant. But he taking that on himself has made such a difference in your relationship because he's been able to identify a lot of the things you were doing, and then you know, now you're walking around going, Oh, that's done. Oh, that washing's gone, oh, that floor's back into like it's teamwork. Almost.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

I wouldn't say it's quite at that extent. But I think the other thing is it's kind of like I do feel like we tiptoe around this conversation a little bit because we don't want to cause offense because there might be some families where, you know, maybe the man does do a lot of the household labour. And I'm gonna be, you know, a little bit brutal here and say that again most of the time that's not the case. And that's just that's not just my opinion, that's actually like a well-documented thing for a lot of families. So there's this there's a book called Fair Play. I think the author's Eve Rodsky. And it is about the domestic load for families, often between men and women in heterosexual relationships. And they have a really great Instagram, which everyone should follow, it's fantastic. But they published this study that they ran. I think it was 500 women with young children.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Referencing a study around this is holds a lot of weight. Like you said, Ash, it's a delicate subject, right? Because we don't want to assume that every household is the same because it's not. But having a study that we can reference around it, I think, is brilliant because it it backs up for those listening that if you can relate to this, then this is absolutely relevant to your life and how shifting your mindset to operating like a single parent could actually help in a conversation with your partner.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

Yeah, and it validates the experience, right? I don't know how watertight this is in terms of how they collected data, but I also don't think it's going to surprise anyone listening, to be honest. So they found overall mothers report a greater responsibility for their partner for the cognitive labour of 29 out of 30 tasks and the physical household labour for 28 out of 30 tasks. That really, you know, it rang true for me for a lot of our relationship, I'm being honest. And I think that that is it's tricky because there are probably lots of factors that contribute to that, you know, that kind of like traditional gender role of women to managing the household. It's tough because even our parents' generation, like I think that that was internalized and kind of played out for decades. So to dismantle that, it's tricky. I think it's tricky for a lot of us. That's the way a lot of families operated and a lot of the way men and women of our generation were brought up seeing that modeled. But the thing is, the same study found that when mothers engaged in more cognitive household labor than their partners, they reported more depressive symptoms, more symptoms of exhaustion, overwhelm, and burnout, worse physical health and worse overall mental health. And I don't think there is a single woman listening that would be surprised by that.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

I think you're right. It's certainly something I can relate to personally. And I think, and as you know, and I've been open about sharing this in the past about the conversations that Jake and I have had to have that have been really frank and really honest, usually after some sort of outburst that I have had out of anger or disappointment or frustration or decision fatigue, whatever it may have been. I wrote down my values at one point in time and I remember one of them is initiative. So if I'm not seeing initiative in others that I surround myself with, I find myself feeling really frustrated. But what I've needed to do is shift my mindset because I can't control other people's initiative, obviously, and that's an expectation I have. But if I can shift the way I think about it, like if, for example, recently, so Jake's had a few away trips, a mix of work and fun, mostly work, but I still find those times when I am solo really challenging. And I feel like like he always thanks me, you know, for the opportunity to be able to do these things. And I think, well, look, you you need to part of when it's to do with your work, you absolutely need to be involved in these things because you know, you're keeping the lights on, uh, firstly. Um, but then myself getting into that single parent mindset as well. Like no one's coming to save you today, or you know, you need to be as organized as possible and you know, focus on the task at hand and maybe other things need to go by the wayside during those periods of time. Like if I can't get to my washing pile, or I can't, you know, Windex the fridge like I'd like to do as a small hobby of mine. Um, it's silly things that don't really matter. Uh it makes me it also makes me focus more on the kids because I I feel like those are probably my moments where I am most present because I'm not distracted by anybody else except for them. And I wouldn't call them distracting. They're literally my main focus. So if one of the three needs something, that's what I'm doing. It's difficult when all three need something at once, but uh, because I only have two hands, but it's something that since I read your newsletter and we had a chat about it, Ash, I felt like oh, that's that's a mindset shift I can get into as well when Jake actually isn't around. So that yeah, I I feel too it it's it can be quite empowering. It can be exhausting and very tiring, but there is, I think, an element of empowerment in that mindset because you've got pure total independence on and doing things exactly how you know to do them. I also find sometimes if there are other people around, you're kind of you end up kind of managing the the people, like the adults around. So, or there might be questions coming to you about things like, oh, where does this go? Or where's that bottle, or should they be doing this, or should they be doing that? And it's kind of like, oh, uh, uh, like you're trying to like answer it, you're trying to focus on the task at hand, like with your kids and your household, but then you're also having the extra conversations around answering all these additional questions. So sometimes bringing it back to the single parent mindset is actually uh can be a valuable thing because you can kind of empower yourself and and build confidence in in that way. So do you have any more information on that study, Ash?

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Like I said, it's definitely worth checking out. There it's fair play life on Instagram, it's fantastic. They often will talk about research related to domestic load and kind of, like I said, division of household labour, which I think is a really interesting and relevant topic for a lot of families.

SPEAKER_02 12:18

Definitely. So, in terms of the conversations that you and James had, Ash, about the domestic load, is there was there anything, how did you bring it up in the first place? Or what kind of what triggered the conversation for you? I mean, I'm kind of laughing because James is right there.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

Hey James. Like a lot of arguments, like you mentioned with Jake, like really a lot of arguments. And I think it kind of progressively became more of an issue because I think that you probably like when you move in with a partner, this comes into the conversation. Then when you have a baby, it comes into the conversation massively because there are so many more things to manage. But I think where it really starts to be an issue for a lot of women that I speak to is that return to work after maternity leave. Because you've been in this pattern where, you know, one person is supplying uh the the majority of the household income in a lot of situations. And because you're at home with the baby, you know, you might have more time on your hand, so to speak, even though it definitely does not feel that way. Um, but you know, you're in the house more, so you might be, especially as babies get older, you know, you're more I feel like a lot of the domestic load tends to fall to you. And then when you go back to work, it becomes completely unmanageable and it's really difficult because you've kind of built up these habits and these expectations. So the dist like logically, you both know, okay, I'm returning to work, I don't have the same capacity to manage these things. But actually making that behavioral shift between you as a couple can be really challenging. And so we definitely found that and I think you know, the the unequal domestic load has obviously been around for a very long time. But the concept of the mental load, I think it it's it's just becoming a lot more well-known and discussed. And I think we've got better language around it. Men are starting to talk about it more, which is really important. And, you know, it's kind of like an ongoing thing, even between James and I. Like to give you a really good recent example, Freddie, my three-year-old son, came home from my mother-in-law's the other day and he had like a jagged toenail. And James said to me, like, Oh yeah, mum said to remind to tell you that it needs to just be like filed down. And I said to James, like, can't you file a toenail? And like I have a wonderful mother-in-law, she's great. But like I said, like it's not even like it's definitely not a malicious thing. Often it's not even really a conscious thing. It's just kind of this assumed role that's been reinforced for decades of their lives where that's kind of like mother's territory. I'm like, well, you have the same capacity, you know, particularly for James. Like we work in a business together. He's got the same capacity to file a toenail as I do, you know. Like, I didn't necessarily sign up for toenail duty when I became a mother.

SPEAKER_02 15:09

Oh my gosh. That's such a good example. It's a real, it's a live example. Like, it's is it is funny, isn't it? It's it's hard to quantify those types of jobs. And I think we've spoken about it before. A lot of the, you know, household duties or duties like filing a toenail can be somewhat invisible. But again, it's the it's the question and the presumed responsibility of that's a you job. But in our day and age, like it's there's such a shift. Uh, you know, women are working and you know, men are working too. So there's competing priorities in all corners of a household, typically. Yes, we are talking about heterosexual relationships in this situation, you know, in a in an environment with kids, typically. That's the obviously the angle, but sometimes it's a case of and certainly in our situation, it's a case of because Jake is very aware of my unrelenting standards and the ways that I like to do things. Sometimes it's a case that he doesn't want to step on my toes or do something wrong or upset me more by, you know, taking something on and then it not panning out correctly. We've obviously lowered the the bar of success a lot in our household recently with the introduction of our third baby. So we it doesn't a lot of things to me don't matter as much as they did previously. Obviously, we still have a clean and relatively tidy house most of the time, and there's food and whatnot, like all of our basics are covered, but the standards are certainly not as high as before. So I think now Jake feels welcomed into his own space to actually just do things to help and know that it'll just near enough's good enough, and thank you for your effort, and less about, oh, I didn't want to do that because I didn't know how you wanted to do it. But similar with other relationships and dynamics in a family as well, like you said, this was your mother-in-law who is obviously helpful, she obviously had Freddie, and you know, that was a great help to you guys. But then maybe she didn't want to, for lack of a better phrase, step on any toes about the toenail because she wanted to, you know, leave that to you, just you know, because if something happened or he got hurt or she didn't do it correctly or something like that, she might have felt not as, you know, that that would have made her feel uneasy. So it's also about for us to try and understand where the other people in our lives are coming from, but it is also frustrating in the same moment because I think our son the other day was climbing all over the dining table. I've removed everything from our I used to have like really nice display. I'll have displays, put displays and stuff everywhere. And I used to have like, you know, dried flowers and beads in a little bowl and a candle and everything. Anyway, that's long gone because he can climb on the table now. But he's climbing on the table and yeah, I don't remember what it was, but they're like, um, should he be climbing up on the table? Meanwhile, I think I was feeding the baby, and then our eldest daughter was like running around on her bike or doing something. It was a bit of a mad moment. And I just like I froze because I was like, uh, uh, I my brain doesn't know where to go next because I'm trying to prioritize like what's the most important. I'm thinking, I guess, okay, my son falling off the dining table is probably a bigger priority. I knew he wouldn't fall, but if I'm being asked a question, it's sort of like, oh, if you see something, do something rather than you know, just kind of observe and and ask questions. But it is difficult to try and find that balance, uh, particularly with extended family as well, because you don't want to, they're only trying to help, but it doesn't eliminate decision fatigue or anything like that.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

Yeah. I love that you've like stepped in though and kind of, you know, recognized and taken responsibility for your part of that, you know, issue in the relationship of being like, well, I need to let the standard go. James and I have definitely had the same kind of conversations where you've got to like, you know, be open to potentially like lowering the standard a little bit, especially while they're stepping up to support you and learning these new skills. Cause like even with cleaning the bathroom, like that was something in our relationship. You know, we have a cleaner now, thank God. Um, but before that, you know, where I was doing it a lot, and James is like, well, I just don't know how to do it. And I was like, Well, I didn't go to bathroom cleaning school, like I wasn't born with that skill, you know, I learned it through practice, and like you can too. And I think that honestly, that has been quite empowering for him as well. It's like, and it's the same, you know, with like caring for a baby sometimes. Like I think as mums, sometimes we always need to be like the one to go in and soothe. And you know, it's it's quicker if I do it, they'll stop crying faster if I do it. And sometimes in doing that, you can actually like deny your partner the opportunity to build those skills in that relationship. And it's the same with household stuff. Like you've gotta step back a little bit, let them learn, potentially make mistakes and be there to softly educate if if needed and requested. But you know, I I totally get that. Like it can't you can't have it both ways. You can't be like, well, I need help, but it needs to be done to this immaculate standard straight off the bat.

SPEAKER_02 20:21

Exactly. I find myself a lot at the moment, because I do have decision fatigue. If Jake asks me something, he'll ask me now, he's like, Oh, how do we clean this? And then sometimes I just say, I don't know. And then and then if I say, I don't know, it's it's out of like lack of ability to actually focus on that at that moment in time. And then we'll often joke around and get random products out of the kitchen drawer and tr have a crack. And we're like, oh well, that's just gonna have to do. Like it's not whereas before I'd be like, okay, so firstly um I'm gonna wet the chuck swipe and then I'm gonna get the pink stuff and I'm gonna scrub it, and then I'm gonna re-wash the chuck l and go through full detail. Whereas now I'm just like, I don't know. Like, I just, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 21:08

Let's just sometimes it's really nice to say that and just like offload the responsibility. You can figure this out. I believe in you. You know, you're a competent person, you've got this. And and that's the balance, right? Sometimes, especially like you've said, like when you don't have the capacity or bandwidth, it's it's quite a good option to be like, I don't know. But I've also definitely had to be like, you know, try not to be like condescending. I think that's part of it too, is like try to be, you know, either yeah, I don't know, or like, well, when I do it, you know, this is how I do it, these are the steps, and kind of go through it in like a patient way rather than being frustrated that they don't know how to do it, because I think that that's it's quite a difficult spot to be in in a relationship. Like that's a tricky situation to navigate.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

And on the flip side, there's plenty of things I don't know how to do. Like I didn't go to light bulb training school, but Jake seems to know how to do that. So I think there's you know, or there's um the internet needs reason I do know how to do that now, but different things like that. Basically anything to do with electronics or electricity is not my skill set. So that's situations where I do lean on him for that. Having said that though, I did have a single parent moment over the weekend where we had a power outage, which was funny because this used to always happen to my mum when dad would take me and my brother away for the school holidays. And mum would stay at home with the horses and everything, and always a blackout. And she would be furious at dad, like and at us, like the power's gone out again, because you would lose every they live on a property, so they would if the power's off for more than a certain amount of time, you'd lose everything in your fridge and your freezer, and you don't have power, you don't have hot water, like it's it's a big, it's an issue, and it's scary when you're by yourself. Anyway, on the weekend, Jake was away and the power went out. And I my mum was the first person I text because I was like, oh my gosh, I can't believe this is happening. Guess what? The power's out. And she's like, no. And then she said, and anyway, I figured out our nanny was here, which was great. Did have an extra set of hands. I wasn't totally solo, so I can't claim that. But having her just hold, I we managed to get the older two bath and into bed, and it was fine, and then the internet went and all the power and the hot water. So at least we had two at bay. Then we had the baby. So our nanny's holding the baby, and then I'm running in and out to the switchboard, like, because it was a big storm, and this is kind of why it happened. And then we jimmied up a um extension cord from upstairs into a different. I realized I was testing the different powerpoints, I knew what which ones were working, which ones weren't. So I had a power extension cord running from the fridge to another wall because that wall hadn't shot the power, but the fridge one had. So we saved the fridges, and then we were trying to figure out the hot water, so we just went without. And then I got onto an electrician who was planned to come the next day, and I thought after that, we got it all solved, uh, except for the next day when I went out to the hot water uh unit and I flicked, I could see the switches were in different directions. So I flicked, I took a gamble and I was like, I think that goes needs to match that one, and that means it's on. Then I Googled it, and the electrician told me I'll take about three hours to heat up again. And I was like, okay, cool. So waited three hours, still no hot water. And then I was like, oh no, I flicked them the wrong way. So I went. I went back outside and I flicked them both up and the hot water was back on within 10 minutes. So anyway, and it like little things like that where I was like, I I need to figure this out because I don't have Jake, who would typically be my backstop in that situation, to be running around, you know, doing things and you know, coming in and out with the figuring out the switchboard and stuff like that. So those moments can sometimes lead to actual light bulb moments when I did get the lights back on and I did it all by myself and I was very proud of myself. And it's kind of yeah, it it's like it can go both ways in that instance. Like just because, you know, someone's good at one thing doesn't mean they're good at everything. So, and it's about that teamwork conversation. But Ash, you mentioned as well finding the balance. As I said, this is a little off track for our topics today, but we wanted to kind of blend two topics together in this episode so that we can um you give as much value as possible. Um, there was another thing that Ash wrote about um in her one of her newsletters about how the scales lie. This probably feeds into the balancing act, I think, in the household as well. Like, you know, that's the one topic. The next topic is okay, how do we look after ourselves? So uh we're trying to give each other space and time to exercise or get outside for a bit and get some fresh air, have some kid free time, make a healthy meal, even just order the groceries. I need half an hour to myself to do that. Um, unpack the groceries is another thing, like those little things that keep the household running. But then we're we feel like we're trying to do our best in that space, and we're both on what we are trying to call a weight loss journey. We're doing our best, we're surviving still. I wanted to learn more from you, Ash, about like your professional view on how the scales lie because that's a measure of our success that we have. Like we weigh ourselves every morning and we're keeping track of that information and you know, trying to see that anything we did, you know, the in the last week, is that making a difference this week? And then then we kind of go on a different roller coaster with like, okay, it's not working, or we lose interest, or we decoy and things like that. So when you wrote about that, I thought that's an interesting topic that does tie into the whole balance of a household. So maybe you can talk to that.

SPEAKER_01 26:49

Yeah, absolutely. So this came up because I speak to my nutrition clients about these like all the time. It's always a really big sort of like education piece around, you know, when you are trying to lose fat, I think sometimes we have this expectation, especially if you're weighing yourself every day, that the scale is going to continue to go down in a very linear fashion, in a predictable way, further down every day. But that's very rarely the case because as much as we can control our behaviors and you know, kind of uh execute the things that we need to do to be facilitating a calorie deficit, which obviously leads to fat loss, that doesn't necessarily mean we're gonna see it on the scales every day. And that is because mostly due to water retention. And we retain water for lots of different reasons. So if you ever felt really puffy, you know, and you and you're like a bit swollen, particularly in your face or in your body, often you know, women experience this in the lead up to their period in their late luteal phase. But that's water retention. And it also happens to men, not because of the luteal phase, but because of a referring to factors including the muscle inflammation. So if you do like a really intense workout and you have some muscle inflammation, you're more likely to retain water. If you have a salty meal, you know, that's high in sodium, you're likely to retain water. And even if you have like a lot more carbs than you normally have, the body stores carbohydrates alongside water in your body. So if all of those things can lead to your body holding onto water, alcohol can be one too, and that is gonna mask fat loss. So when you jump on the scales, you might see a higher number than you expect. But a big part of that is gonna be the extra water that your body's holding, and then usually that sort of will decrease and your body will release that water over a couple of days, especially if you return to your kind of more normal behaviors. And it's not a sign that you're doing anything wrong, but I think that's where people sometimes start to panic. They're like, what am I doing wrong? What could I do better to sort of better, you know, get better results on the scales. But I think one thing I try to help client to do is try to remove the moral element of the body weight, scale weight. Because I think, you know, if you are really attached to the outcome on the scale and you weigh yourself and it's higher than you expect, you can feel really bad about yourself. It can impact your whole day. And we don't want that, especially because it one single daily weight doesn't really hold much value. You know, that's why we'll often get clients to weigh themselves daily so that we can get an average across the week and across the month. Because one daily scale weight, it's just a data point. It's nothing more. You know, it's not a success indicator in the long term or even necessarily in the short term. But it really is just a data point. And a nice way to look at it is it instead of seeing it as like a mirror reflection of your worth or your success or anything like that, kind of popping on your little, you know, like scientist white lab coat, you know, in your little glasses and being like, cool, what does this mean? You know, and seeing it more as just a number, as a data point rather than some kind of reflection of your worth as a person.

SPEAKER_02 30:02

That's deep and so true. Like it it's it can be really deflating. And I know definitely know that feeling. And uh I mean, I understand it now, obviously, because I'd you know been with you ash for uh a while there and understood that you know the daily weight is we're collecting data. It's not like like that that information shouldn't be what dictates my mood for the rest of that particular day. It's a journey, and I knew that you know, you're looking at my stats over the course of a week, two weeks, a month. Obviously I was going in a different direction at the time because I was pregnant, but you know, now I'm trying to look at that in reverse and you know, look back in chronometer. I know I can see, you know, back, you know, two weeks, four weeks, three months, six months, and you know, watching those trends happen can be really motivating. But if you get caught in the days, which is easy to do, especially when you have little people around and you find yourself snacking on peanut butter on toast like I did this morning, it can feel like a bit of a scramble, I think. And then you throw in the occasional weigh yourself. And if you're not tracking that properly, it can feel like everything's messy. And, you know, no matter what effort you go to, maybe it's not making the impact that you want it to. And then throw in a weekend away or like with one of you away, or you know, general chaos that can come with having children around, it can just feel like I don't I can't tell you how many times in the last month or two Jake have Jake and I have referred to our lives or our situations as the wheels are falling off. And Jake said to me the other day, he goes, Well, if there's four wheels on the car, then surely we can manage two each. And I was like, okay, that's it's a really logical way to break that down. What about the fuel? What about the services of this car that we just can't seem to drive at the moment? But like, I don't know, it's our year of trenches, so we're giving ourselves a little bit of grace there. But it's a valuable topic, Ash, and a nice reminder, especially for parents that are trying to balance the load between one another and having that clear line of of communication. The yeah, the I think the the single parent mindset, I I watch single-parent friends of mine that I just am in absolute awe of. Jake grew up in a single-parent family, and I always think about that in those crazy moments. I think it helps me, I guess, compartmentalize, appreciate, and think we are all capable, but we need to keep the lines of communication open in, you know, coupled relationships that are are sharing the load with kids, and not that single parents aren't sharing that load because in a lot of cases they they are. It's just in a separate household, which of course can come with its own challenges and you know, varying strains of um difficulty between the conversations that need to happen and the, you know, getting agreement and buy-in from both parties and things like that. So again, it's it is a it's a touchy topic, you know, and we're obviously actively wanting to share the right information and say the right things because we want to acknowledge the hard work of single parents out there that we watch, we both have friends in that situation, and then also, you know, link that to okay, but our for our couples out there, there are notes that we can all be taking out of single parent books because there is a lot of quality mindset and a lot of strength in the mindset of those individuals and couples and families and and things like that. So I think hopefully that message has has come across on this topic. I think obviously the reference to the study, which we will make sure is tagged in the Instagram post as well for this episode. Um, for anyone who wants to continue listening or reading, or I'm definitely going to follow that page as well, Ash. Um I think yeah, there's there's certainly some at least validation, at least some validation points in there for a lot of parents, men and women across the board. So this is this is all of us, right?

SPEAKER_01 34:06

It really speaks to how much we have going on as parents when you're trying to manage, like, you know, you've got all this domestic load, you're running a household, you're raising kids, you've got a career, but you're also looking after, you know, your own health goals, and there's a lot going on. So yeah, I feel like hopefully it resonates. And like I said, the study definitely validates it. But I think the more we can talk about struggling with these sorts of things when it comes to domestic load, um, when it comes to being a parent and finding it challenging, I feel like that can be quite nice to yeah, validate people's experience and understand that we're all struggling with this and trying to find our way and and manage it in a way that works for our families.

SPEAKER_02 34:43

Exactly. Well said. And Ash, I think too, like I found this when you were coaching me in that you look at someone's life holistically, like you were, you know, working with me as a pregnant person at the time and you know, raising two other kids and you know, having like all the things that were going on in my household at the time, but that your understanding of my life was very useful to how that was applied to my health and wellness and fitness during the time as well. So I think that, you know, for anyone who is struggling with it, like Ash is not going to come in and you know be your psychologist and mentor and do all of the, you know, maybe wash your dishes, I'm not sure. But I think from a nutrition coaching perspective, Ash is really good in looking at things holistically. So if you're not having a great week in your like as you're tracking or eating or shopping or whatever it might be, Ash will look at all of the factors in your week to make sure that you can still show yourself self-compassion and you know, do better in the following week or, you know, change certain things to better accommodate your lifestyle. So I think it's probably worth Ash as well if you can just give us a little shout out to how people can contact you if they are looking for help and guidance in the nutrition coaching space.

SPEAKER_01 36:07

Probably the best place to find me is on Instagram, nutrition by Ashley. Yeah, as K said, love working with women. I feel like, you know, once you become a mother, it really shifts how you view these things. Um and a lot of the advice that's out there for women around health and fitness, you know, is perhaps not aimed at people who have quite so many plates spinning at once. And so I definitely feel like the more we can have women talking about realistic ways to tackle these things amongst all your other values and the important stuff you have going on. Um, hopefully that is my, you know, my page is a place where you can find that. Perfect. And Ash, your newsletter, how will everybody sign up to that? Oh, it's on Substack. It is Big Feelings by Ashley Kun. There is also a link to subscribe in my Instagram bio.

SPEAKER_02 36:56

Highly recommend subscribing to Ash's newsletter. That's from a genuine place. I literally read it every time it comes through because there's always a tidbit in there that makes me not feel alone. So I highly recommend you get onto that to our listeners. But anyway, thank you so much, Ash, for joining us again on the wing. It's always a pleasure to have you, always such a valuable chat. I love looking at things through different lenses as well, like even if the conversation is a little off our usual beaten path. So thank you everyone for listening and we look forward to catching you on the next episode of the wing.

unknown 37:30

Bye-bye!

SPEAKER_00 37:32

Enjoyed the episode, hit follow and check out the underscore wing pod odds on Instagram for a dose of wisdom, getting you on the right path to success.

SPEAKER_01 37:42

Is your connection a bit funny?

SPEAKER_02 37:44

Yeah, I've got bad internet at the moment, it just popped up on the screen. I got a little notification being like upload quality will be high.

SPEAKER_01 37:50

Okay, good. I was like trying to train to hear some of it. And then also right at the beginning, James plugged in his earphones. And I don't know if the eye card of it is a confused face because his earphones took over as my like default audio source. So I like couldn't hear you. And I was like, oh no, like trying to turn my Bluetooth off.

SPEAKER_02 38:09

Oh god. That's alright. Nox is barking at the groceries getting delivered, and I was like, where's my mute button? And I was like hitting the fit. This microphone is so good, it picks up everything.

SPEAKER_01 38:23

Oh yeah. Oh my gosh, how funny. I feel like between trying to get this to happen and then trying to get all the other shit going on around us. Honestly, I'm so impressed with that story.