The Real Reason You’re Not Confident in Job Interviews

If you keep getting interviews but not offers, the biggest problem may not be your qualifications. In this episode, I break down the scarcity, desperation, impostor thinking, and interview mindset mistakes that make strong candidates come across shaky.

If you've been wondering why you feel so nervous in job interviews, this one's for you. With over a million layoffs in the US in 2025 alone and more people competing for fewer roles, it's taking longer than ever to land a job offer. 

As an executive coach experienced in interview prep, I break down why the biggest blocker in interviews isn't your qualifications or your answers. It's your interview mindset.

Topics covered in this episode:

• How to stop feeling desperate in your job search and why that desperation is wrecking your interviews
• How to shift negative self-talk before an interview
• The myth of the perfect candidate and why it's sabotaging you
• What to do when you feel imposter syndrome for a job you're interviewing for
• Why getting the interview means you already belong in the room
• A simple pre-interview exercise to help you walk in grounded and clear

Whether you're struggling with imposter syndrome in interviews, not getting job offers despite being qualified, or just need to get your head on straight before your next one, this episode is for you.

Guest Episode: Job interviewing tips to get hired

YouTube video: How to answer interview questions successfully

Transcript

We’ve seen massive layoffs across every industry over the last five years. I mean, even just over 2025, over a million people lost their jobs in the US. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like it's slowing down. Which means we've got a lot more people hitting the job market at the same time, and yet competing for fewer jobs, which has been really difficult for people. So it’s no surprise it’s taking most people longer to land their next job, which of course is really discouraging.

Now, if you're wondering why I'm talking about this is because I stay on top of things going on in the job market, because I'm an executive coach, and interview prep is a small portion of that. 

What I'm noticing is that while there’s always work to be done around how a client phrases their answers and how they could speak with more impact and less filler words, that’s not really the biggest struggle.

It’s also usually not about being qualified or having enough experience. The biggest blocker is almost always their mindset, like the stories they’re telling themselves even before they sit down to the interview.

So if you've had several interviews with no offer, and you know you need to interview with more confidence, 1) I’m sorry, and 2) today's episode is for you. I’m not covering tips on how to answer every interview question, today we're talking about how to get your head screwed on straight so you walk into any interview and feel confident that you’re gonna do great no matter what.

You’re listening to This Is How You Think, the show that remodels your mindset. I’m your host Jule Kim. Let’s dive in.

So one of the key areas that I've noticed with almost all of my clients is they approach interviews with a lot of scarcity and desperate energy. And they’re often telling themselves stuff like "I really need this. I need to pay my bills. It's been so long since I've had another interview. I've only got one shot, so I really need to make this one count. I'm going to run out of money next month." I know that any of these things can be true, but it doesn't help you do better in interviews.

Here’s an example. I had a client who had turned her job search into an emergency in her head. She wasn't remotely close to becoming homeless. She was married, her husband had a good job, but she wasn't focusing on that. She was pouring on the pressure because she’d only had 2 interviews in 6 months. So of course she didn’t feel good about that, and it was showing up in how she talked about herself, how she answered questions, everything. 

And the thing is when you’re in that desperate “omg I need this” energy, people can feel that. That "I'm drowning and I'm going to take the first lifeline thrown to me" vibe is seeping out of your pores like BO.

But you’re giving desperation because you're acting like they hold all the power. Like you're there to convince them to pick you. And it's really hard to demonstrate leadership while you feel like you're begging.

Now, I'm not gonna sit here and say you should tell yourself "I don't need this job," because the reality is sometimes you do need a job. That's for real. What I generally teach my clients instead is you want to shift from your negative self talk to something more objective, less emotionally charged. 

Because when you keep telling yourself stuff like, "if I don't get this, I'm a failure, there's something wrong with me" you’re creating a pressure cooker that makes it a lot harder to do a good job in the interview.

But when you focus on a more neutral thought, like "I may not love how this interview turns out, but I'm not going to die, and I will learn for the next time." It feels different, right?

And here's the mindset shift that helps you get to this place, because we want you to feel neutral or neutral / positive. I want you to write this down and stick it on your monitor if you have to. 

You are not the only one being interviewed. You are also there to interview the company to see if they're a good fit for you. Some companies or work cultures aren't a good fit for us, and that's okay.

The goal is for you to get out of interview survival mode to actually figuring out if this is somewhere you want to be. You should be evaluating them just as much as they're evaluating you. 

So ask yourself, do they deserve to have me in their workplace? Will I do a good job if I work here? What will my career growth look like here? Will this help me grow my skill set? Do I want to work next to these people over the next year or so? 

You need to start seeing yourself like you are the prize. 

And you might not like that, but you gotta at least try sitting with that, so you can take it in, and digest it.

And look, I get it. A lot of us have been here, where you really want or need something so badly that you get in your own way. You basically psych yourself out.

You gotta get a grip on that. Because no matter how many books you read on interview tips, even if I teach you all the secret ways to talk like a leader or position yourself like a superstar, I've seen this over and over, people can't use any of those tips if they don't address the desperation or the scarcity they’re feeling. Okay? I need you to walk in there seeing and feeling yourself on equal footing with them.

But…I know that's really hard to do when you're deep in the imposter syndrome because you’re convinced that there’s so many people better qualified that you’re competing against. I hear this from my clients all the time. 

One of my clients, she's a designer, she felt like she was really slow compared to other designers, and not as good. So I asked her who specifically she was comparing herself to, and guess what she said? She couldn't even name a single person.

This is what I call the mythical perfect candidate. It's the imaginary person who has all of your experience and more, but none of your flaws. They're faster, and smarter, more efficient. They produce higher quality work. They're more confident. They never second-guess themselves. They probably have bloody flippin perfect Pantene hair.

They’re better than you in every way. And you've decided that somehow that's the standard you have to measure up against.

But here's the thing you probably don't understand. The fact that you got the interview doesn't happen by luck. That isn't random. The resume and the application you turned in gave them something that made them think you might be a good fit. They chose to talk to you. They didn't choose all those other people you think are somehow more qualified.

So you're competing against someone who very well may not exist while ignoring the fact that you've been given a glorious opportunity to come have an honest conversation where you get to show your amazing self.

And here's another reframe that might help you feel better. It’s a real truth that there probably are many people out there who would be better at your job than you are. But the thing you need to remember is… that person isn't in the application pool right now. Because if they were, the company would have already hired them. They would have shut down their interviews.

Companies don’t want to do interviews because they’re expensive. We’re talking hiring managers and HR and team members, these people don't have unlimited time. They look at all the applications that come in and they're picking the top 5-10 people to talk to for a phone screen. And from there they decide who gets the full investment of a real interview, because that is a huge time suck on the company's side. 

So I want you to really think about what that means. You have this interview because you’re one of the frontrunners. They see you as someone who might come into the job and do well in it.

You may not have the winning lottery ticket yet, but your chances just went from one in a million to one in 10. That's incredible. You were chosen for an interview because you already belong.

So every time you feel dread over the interview and you’ve got all the imposter feelings, I want you to remind yourself that you already belong.

Now let’s say you get to the interview. 

I’m gonna read you a quote from one of my past clients, who said, "I try to be what I think they might want me to be, according to the job description." 

This is the next issue that comes up for a lot of people, where a lot of them don't show up as themselves, especially if they’re people pleasers or a little younger, like in their 20s or early 30s. 

So she was telling me she walks into an interview already fighting herself because she's putting on a persona.

And we all know how it feels to put on a persona that isn't really you. It's exhausting. 

Now, I'm not talking about putting your best foot forward or leading with certain strengths depending on the situation. That's normal. That's the smart thing to do. 

I'm talking about when you're trying to be a completely different person, like a chameleon, trying to mold yourself into whatever you think they want to see. 

In my honest opinion, you gotta stop that, because that's not gonna set you up for success. If you do that, you're doing twice the work. You've got to answer their questions, dig through your brain for the right stories from your work history. And on top of all of that which is a lot to handle, you're also trying to keep this character going. You can't give your full energy to the actual conversation when half of your brain is managing this performance.

So here's the reframe that I give to my clients. I want you to think of the interview like you're hosting a party. And the house you’re hosting at is your life experience, your work history, everything you've ever done and learned. The company is a visitor in your house.

When you're hosting someone in your home and they ask you where the bathroom is, you don't freeze up. You don't go, "Uhh, I think it's over there somewhere?" No. You say, "Down the hall, two doors to the left." You already made sure there's toilet paper, and maybe a candle, with some fresh towels. You're not even thinking about it. You're confident because it's your space.

But in interviews, most people show up like a nervous guest in someone else's house. They’re tiptoeing around. They’re trying not to say the wrong thing. They’re super busy reading the room before they open their mouth. And if you do all of that, that's what makes you look timid.

So I need you to flip that. I want you to really treat this like a party you’re hosting. This is your house. They invited themselves to your house. And this isn’t about being arrogant, I want you grounded and clear. That’s the goal.

Because when you don’t feel grounded or centered, you do have a harder time facing the truth that your skills probably are pretty similar to those of other candidates. There are tons of designers who can put together a good design. There are tons of coaches who are good at coaching. 

So if we agree that skill is mostly equal, then the thing that actually sets you apart is your personality. But that only happens if you let people see it.

And I know that scares a lot of people because they're afraid that if the company sees who they really are, that'll be the reason they don't get the offer. And I'm telling you, that's almost never the case.

If you’re consistently not getting the offer despite having many interviews, it’s always your interview skills.

It has nothing to do with you being not good enough for the job. There's actually no way for them to know that because you haven't done any work for them. An interview is their best guess at whether you'd be a good fit, but it's still just a guess.

So when you don't get the offer, it's because you haven't learned how to show them that you would be better at the job than the other applicants, and you’re also probably not very good at showing why you even want this job, versus some other one. How good are you at talking about your past work? How specific can you get? 

How well can you walk someone through your decision-making process? Why did you make this choice instead of that one? Most people really suck at that too.

If this is you, that's actually fabulous news, because this is a skill you can work on. This is a very solvable problem. There’s tons of resources online.

So if you're in the job search right now and you're not feeling confident going into interviews, in addition to how you normally prep here's what I recommend you do. 

Before your next interview, write down every thought you're having about yourself. All of them. Especially the ones that feel icky and mean. And then I want you to ask yourself, which of these are facts I can prove in a court of law? and which ones are just things I think? And then decide how you’re going to handle each of these.

And if you have an interview lined up, right before you walk in, think about the last time you hosted people in your home. I want you to call up that host energy and bring that to your interview. This is your house. You belong there. And the only real question is whether the company belongs in your house.

Alright y’all, that’s it for this week.

If you know someone who's in the job search right now, why not do them a favor and forward this episode to them. It might change something for them. 

I also have other episodes on how to handle the actual interview process, so I'll put a link to those in the show notes, and if you have questions, feel free to hit me up on LinkedIn.

As always, thank you so much for listening. And remember, I believe in you. See you next time.