Becoming HER! The Woman You've Always Been

Becoming Her: The Woman You’ve Always Been
What if the version of you you’re chasing… is already within you? In this powerful Season 2 opener, Tammy dives into the conditioning that’s kept women small, the midlife awakening that changes everything, and how to reconnect with the bold, unapologetic woman you were born to be. This isn’t about becoming someone new — it’s about remembering who you’ve always been.

✨ Because she’s not in your future… she’s already inside you. 🔥💫

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Transcript

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Hey, how are you? And welcome back to Tammy Talks, season two. Can you believe that? I'm honestly so excited to be back here with you, chatting, sharing, and walking through this next chapter of life together. And today we are diving into something deep, something powerful, and something that I know is going to hit home for so many of you. We're talking about becoming her. That version of you. That one version of you that you think is somewhere in the future. The one you think you have to work towards to fix yourself to become or finally arrive at one day. But what if I told you she's already here? The conditioning. From the moment we are born as girls, we are conditioned. Conditioned by society, conditioned by people who love us and who think they are trying to keep us safe. We're told to be polite, well-mannered, ladylike, quiet, agreeable. We're taught not to rock the boat, not to ask for too much, not to take up too much space, and then we go to school and that's reinforced. We go into the workplace and that's reinforced. We enter into relationships and that's reinforced again. We're shown this version of the perfect woman, and she's small, she's manageable, and she fits neatly into what the world expects her to be. And somewhere along the way, we lose ourselves. We lose ourselves to all the versions in the past that we were meant to be, that we twisted ourselves inside out to become, just to be liked, just to be accepted. I think that once you get to a certain age, you think fuck that, like I'm not, I'm not coming to this party anymore, I'm not taking part in this anymore. And it's something that I wish as younger girls that we could figure out quicker, you know, teenage years, if only we knew this in teenage years, that the things that we know now, however, this is why we age, isn't it? This is why we get the joy of being able to age. We're so lucky to be here and get to age. And I think that there is such a negative spin put on getting older. You know, it's all surrounded around society, and the you're getting older, you're losing your looks, you're you're becoming less of, and actually, as we get older, we are stepping into our wisdom. The wisdom that's been passed down that lineage that has been built into that we were born with, we start to retap into that and tap into the knowing and the understanding. And I think perimenopause and menopause can very much be looked at as oh, you're getting old, you are becoming less of your shriveled up, you're dried up, you are nobody's interested, you've got nothing to offer, and actually it's not the end, we're actually just resetting, we're redefining how we take up space in this world, and it's way bloody bigger than it was before, than it was when we were conditioned to be small. I always teach my kids, boys included, my two boys included. I have always said to them, we were not put on this earth to be meek, mild, and small. We were put on this earth to be vast and brilliant and take up space and be who we are and live authentically. But again, somewhere along the line, all of this from a very young age is conditioned out of us, and that's where we lose ourselves, and I think that's why as women at a certain age we can struggle so so much about not knowing who we are. And it's not that we don't know who we are, it's that we've forgotten who we are, and we've forgotten how to become her. That version of you that is just waiting there to be taken. Because here's the truth that no one tells you that version of being good comes at a cost of who you actually are. It comes at the cost of your voice, your desires, your fire, your truth. We start performing instead of living, and we start pleasing instead of feeling, and we become so disconnected from our essence of who we truly are, who we've always been, and from the woman that we were born to be. But I want you to hear this, and I want you to really, really hear this. You were not put on this earth to be small, meek, and mild. You were put on this earth to be vast, to be brilliant, to be powerful, to fully be expressed. That's who you are, that's who you truly are. And I know that if you sit with yourself for long enough, you'll see who you really are. And here's where it shifts. We spend so much of our lives thinking that we need to become her, you know, this version of her, the version of us that's has it all together. Let me tell you, I have very rarely got it together. Okay. In fact, I live my life not having it together. Because that's how I live authentically. So that version of us that has it all together, that feels confident, that speaks our truth, that lives boldly. We think that she's in the future. We think that's a future version of us, that she's coming at some time to save us, you know. She's going to step into this massive light and appear to us. And do you know what, ladies? She's not. She's been within you since the day that you were born. You don't need to wait to your 20s or your 30s or your 40s or your 50s or your 60s. You've always been her. You've just been taught to ignore her. And this is why I truly believe that when we pit when we hit perimenopause and menopause, that it's not the end. It's not the end. It's a redefining of who you are. Your body is recalibrating, you're doing a full body reset. Your mind is waking up, and your tolerance for bullshit. Oh my god, your tolerance for bullshit is gone. Like, who's with me on this? You have conversations you could have sat and listened to and nodded along and smiled like the good girl, just to be liked. Okay, just to fit in, just not to rock the boat, just so that you don't make other people feel uncomfortable. Like those conversations, those rooms, those people that you could put yourself in before or with before, and not rock that boat, you can't do it. Like, I can't do it anymore. Like, I can't do it. I call it where I see it, and not in a rude way, but I am not putting myself in uncomfortable positions and with people that do not align with me. I don't do it anymore. I just and it's with love I let those people go. It's not like there's no falling out, there's no dislike from one person to another, from me to another. It literally just is me saying, that's not for me. Like they're not for me, and with love I let you go. Like, you know, you're for somebody else, but you ain't for me. And the tolerance for bullshit just becomes, you know, very small. I say this to my husband all the time. You know, things that I could listen to before are are things that I could put up with when I was younger in my marriage. I just can't, I'm not doing that anymore. We're not doing that, we're we're not doing that, and it's it's very firm. We are not doing that. I don't have time for that shit, and I don't. I don't with love, I don't. And you know what? It's love for me, it's love for for who I am, for what I'm going to tolerate and what I'm not going to tolerate. And honestly, it is the most freeing feeling in the world. You know? This is you coming home. This is you coming home to yourself, and this is when it starts to get woo-woo, right? It's the truth though, so stay with me. Buckle up, get a cup of tea, get yourself a chocolate biscuit, do whatever you need to do, cross your legs, close your eyes. I've always believed that there's something more, a higher self and a deeper known. I've thought this since I was really young, like really, really young. I've always had this innate known, just this innate knowing that I am very connected to who I am, like my inner essence, the the truth in me, I'm very, very connected to her. And I truly believe this: that when we are born, there's a version of our life, our almost aligned, expansive, beautiful life that's already there. It's like a blueprint, it's like a wee book that's been written, okay? That story of Tammy, that story of you that's already been written. And along the way, life happens, and we get knocked off course, we get knocked off script of this beautiful book, okay? We shrink, we hide, we adapt, we learn how to fit in. But see, when we really connect with who we truly are, and when we live in alignment, when we start listening to ourselves again, like when was the last time you actually sat with yourself? Like in quiet and sat with yourself and thought, who am I? Like, who am I really? What do I want? What do I need? Not for anybody else, like for me. Like, when was the last time that you done that? I invite you to try it right now. I invite you to close down your eyes. I invite you to place your left hand on your heart. Take a deep breath in through your nose, relax your shoulders, and just ask yourself like who am I? What do I want and what do I need right now in this life? And listen to yourself. Don't rose tint the answer that you give. That first answer that you give is your truth. And when we start to live into that alignment and we're listening to ourselves again, we come back onto that path. So life will happen. Life will happen, shit will happen, you know. And it will knock us off slightly, but as long as we come back to who we are, come back to our truth, and live authentically into ourselves, and that doesn't mean being rude, it doesn't mean dismissing other people's feelings. It does that's not how we live into true alignment, yeah. It's about stepping forward in this life with care and compassion first for yourself before anybody else. Step forward with caring, compassion, and love for you. Because see, from that place, from that space, you'll be the best version you can be for everybody else in your life. And when we can come back to that, that's when life starts to flow again with ease, with abundance, with love, with purpose. And not because we changed who we are, but because we finally come back to her, who we were always meant to be, who has always been there within from the day that we were born. So, what does it actually mean to become her? It means seeing yourself clearly, it means honouring your truth, it means listening to your inner voice. Don't ignore her, don't push her to the back. Listen to her because she knows, and start to trust yourself again. It means stripping back everything that you were ever told you should be, and remembering who you are. Because the most powerful truth is you're already everything that you need. Everything that you need is within you. You're not missing anything, you're not broken, you're not behind. You are just being called to come home. You're just being called to become her. So here's my truth bomb. That woman that you imagine in your future, confident, free, powerful, glowing, sexy, fantastic, she's not waiting for you. She's waiting in you. So if something in this episode stirred inside of you, if something clicked or cracked open or made you feel seen, that's her. That's you. And this is just the beginning. If you've loved this episode, share it with a woman who needs to remember who she is. Come and find me on Instagram, send me a message. I want to hear how this landed for you. I'm Tammy Harkin and this is Tammy Talks. And in this season, we're not becoming someone new. We're remembering who the hell we've always been. Until next time, stay bold, stay true, and step into her. And if you would like me to walk that road with you, send me a message. Let's become her together.