Ask Anne Chester™: Therapy Talks

The 5 Minute Resolution: Is It Realistic?

• Anne Chester, LCSW • Episode 11

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0:00 | 15:35

What Is The 5 Minute Resolution?

Resolutions promise a clean slate, but why do so many leave us exhausted and ashamed by mid-January? We take a scalpel to the 5-minute fix and reveal the deeper need underneath most “new year, new me” goals: a longing for connection, ease, and a life that fits who we are. Instead of chasing image-based metrics—a catalog-perfect home, a flawless body, a zeroed-out inbox—we show how to build steady change through values that match your real season.

Anne Chester, licensed clinical social worker, shares how performative goals trigger anxiety loops, especially when they depend on other people behaving perfectly. She contrasts the fantasy of total organization with the reality of family life, pets that shed, and the simple joy of a movie night without mental math about cleanup. We unpack how social media’s filtered standards distort expectations and why tethering self-worth to a mirage keeps peace out of reach. Then we pivot to what actually works: micro-resolutions anchored in authenticity, connection, and practical systems.

You’ll learn how ten focused minutes can change the tone of a day—phone-free dinners that protect conversation, a shared calendar that prevents chaos, and small routines that keep laundry from swallowing your living room. We also outline therapy-informed tools—journaling prompts, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy—to help you identify core values and retire the tired scripts that say you’re not enough. The result isn’t a makeover; it’s alignment. Measure success by presence over pressure and contact over comparison.

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who hates resolutions, and leave a quick review. Live in Texas and want support? Book a free 15-minute consultation online or call 817-939-7884. Let’s start the conversation because it doesn’t have to be that way.

To learn more about Anne Chester™, LCSW Counseling visit:
https://www.AnneChester.com
Anne Chester™, LCSW Counseling
122 River Oaks Drive
Southlake, Texas 76092
817-939-7884

SPEAKER_01:

You're listening to Ask Anchester, Therapy Talk, a podcast with life's tough moments, real talk, a little humor, and the expertise of Anchester, licensed clinical social worker. Anne helps Texan women in the middle of life navigate anxiety, depression, and trauma with compassion and a no-nopset. If you've ever thought, there's gotta be a better way. You're in the right place. And good news, you can schedule a free 15-minute consultation with Anne, because as she says, it doesn't have to be that way. Now, let's dive in.

SPEAKER_02:

Quick fixes sound tempting, but can lasting change really happen in just five minutes? Welcome back everyone. I'm Sophia Yvette, co-host and producer, back in the studio with Ann Chester, licensed clinical social worker. Anne, how's it going today?

SPEAKER_00:

It's going well. How are you doing, Sophia?

SPEAKER_02:

I am doing well and so happy to be back with you today. Now let's get into it. Talk to us about the five-minute resolution. And is it realistic?

SPEAKER_00:

So I have to tell you, my daughter is a Girl Scout, and January is the beginning of Girl Scout season, like cookie season. It's usually the second or third week that we start. I haven't looked at the calendar yet. And so, you know, how many people do we know make a resolution for weight loss? But you see the cute little Girl Scout and you're like, oh, I need to buy the cookies, and they taste so good, and there's a new flavor this year. So yeah, no, the five-minute resolution rarely works. I love thinking about resolutions in the new year, but I find that it more often than not sets us up for failure. And so the common ones you often hear about are I'm gonna have a new body. So people buy gym memberships that they never follow up on. Um, same with weight loss. So, you know, you'll have an influx of people seeking out a nutritionist or whatever other weight program that they want to pursue. Um, the other side of that that I see with the food issue is if there's a goal for body change or weight loss, you tend to overeat at Christmas and then you kind of set yourself up to feel bad and icky in the new year. Um, paying off debt is a big one. Um having a beautifully organized home and being the person that just moved into new house, that's one trap that's easy for me to fall into. Um, the culture gives us a lot of good suggestions on the five-minute resolution. But what I've noticed is that most people find their resolutions pretty unaccomplishable really quickly in January and they end up in my office and they feel shame and they guilt. And it's really not about the resolution itself, it's because we aim for the wrong things. So when we make a resolution, we want to make something that's reasonable and life-giving and not something that's just kind of a performative goal because, you know, most of us don't reach performative goals. They actually create more shame and anxiety most of the time, but not all the time. So, you know, for me right now, I recently moved in a new house and I really like the container store and hold everything. Love those catalogs, and I have been very cautious to not hang on to them because what that performative action represents to me, if my home is organized, is that I'm gonna have a more peaceful life and it will be so amazing. And I don't care how much alpha I have, it's not gonna make my life more amazing. Um, I live with a husband, two children that are 11 and 13, two dogs and a cat, and the cat sheds. The schnauzers don't shed. Um, and they can't, me being organized requires their cooperation. And 11 and 13-year-olds are not exactly the most organized things, and I can't reason with the cats and dogs. My husband's really pretty good. Um, so we are all bringing our own mess to the whole mix. But what I really crave more than a beautifully organized home with my alpha and my systems that work is connection. And no amount of organization is going to replace connection. So am I gonna spend all my time keeping up these organized systems? Or can I find a balance between my desire for a clean, organized, orderly home and connection with my family and those warm and cozy moments. If I'm focused too much on organization, it's not gonna be okay to lay on the couch and watch a movie and snuggle up with blankets and drink hot cocoa. Um, and then have to clean all that up because all I'm gonna do is think about how we're gonna all clean it up at the end. Not everyone's like that. That's my issue. So it's my example. So you've one of the things we've all got to do is when we set a resolution, is what is it that we are truly, truly seeking? Um for me, the organization in my mind represents peace and harmony, which is not realistic. Some people are chasing thinness because they feel that that appearance is going to make them more acceptable or more desirable. Some of us find uh are looking for safety and finances, and okay. Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't. What we want is that shalim that we talked about a couple episodes ago, the sense of harmony and well-being, the sense of life working together with more ease. And when we make that dependent on other people or a performative standard, we create an anxiety loop and and we get distracted with this surface level, you know, performance image-based thing instead of having peace and harmony and connection and well-being in us, and we lose the joy. So when I'm pursuing connection with my kids, I find more joy in having an orderly home because it's also okay to sit down and snuggle and have a hot cocoa on the couch and watch a movie. So a lot of times we find ourselves scrolling through social media and we see other people and their bodies or their image of their bodies and their houses. And one of the things I've learned over the years, my husband's a graphic designer, and I can sit there and see what he does on Photoshop. I've seen him add sleeves to clothing and slim people out, and like he can do all kinds of stuff. So what we're seeing out there isn't real. So that's another thing that creates the anxiety in the five-minute resolution, is our images that we see on social media or the internet or YouTube, they're they're filtered images and they're not real. So we're trying to achieve a standard that's not real. And again, it leaves out the connection and the presence and the shalom piece. So when we look about resolutions, we want to move away from something that tries to reinvent us. Um learning to love who we are and finding that we are enough for who we are, and learning that we all kind of have those old tapes that have negative messages of I'm unworthy or I'm unlovable or I'm stupid. Those are old messages that are not true. Those are great things to take to a therapist. Um, acceptance, commitment therapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy are really great for that. And move towards reasonable resolutions that align with your values. So, by values, what are things that are important to you? I have this values deck, and I'm always amazed by what people pull out. One of my big values is authenticity. And so having a container store house does not promote authenticity. And so, actually, having a container store house, it doesn't necessarily align with my values. So I have to have it in a way that supports my values and not um contradicts that value of authenticity. It acknowledges the season that I'm in. I have kids and dogs and a husband and a cat. You know, I can't expect them to be a catalog. Um, we want something that creates harmony. Organization creates harmony because everybody knows where to find things. We don't lose things. We have a place to put our shoes and we can find them in the morning, which makes for a more peaceful morning and less screaming and yelling and fewer shouting matches. Having a system of okay, wash fold, put away, hang dry area, great organized laundry room supports harmony and peace and authenticity because it gives a system, again, so that we know where to get our things when we need them, and the chores get done and we don't get caught up in chaos, and we do have time for connection. We're not behind all the time, but also gives me space for connection. So um some resolutions that actually foster shalom and not perfection. We want to look at micro resolutions, just some small resets, five to 10 minutes with systems and tiny win wins. So maybe it's I'm gonna find one space, I'm gonna be more proactive in writing things in my calendar or putting things in a family calendar that email everybody else in their in their calendar too. I'm gonna make an effort at that. Um, I'm gonna make an effort to spend 10 minutes a day with each kid and just talk with them about what they want to talk about. Um, I'm gonna have one weekly dinner without phones at the table. That's a real challenge in this day and age. Especially like I can make my kids put phones away, but I like to be available for my clients as my excuse. And really, I need to put my phone away and be present with my kids. Those are small goals that don't change me, um, but they support my value for connection and authenticity. So when I set goals around that, I tend to remember them better and they're much more reachable because I'm looking for rhythms that create connection and rhythms that that maintain peace and joy and harmony in our home and not um rhythms that go against that. So that is my spiel on resolutions to set a goal that supports your values.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, thank you, Anne, for breaking that down. Um, are there any practical tips you would like to leave us with today?

SPEAKER_00:

So I always think journaling is great. Um, that you can get on the internet and look up a list of values. I think one of the first things that is good to do when you want to make a resolution is figure out what your values are. People are always shocked when they go through values cards. In my office, I have a whole deck of values cards, they're loads of fun. People that like to go thrifting and think they're thrifty and figure out that thrift really isn't a value. They just enjoy the joy of looking at old things in a thrift shop and finding a new use for them. You know, it's not about saving money. They just go to shop and have fun. Um, and it's a way of connecting with friends. Um, so that's always interesting to me when you go through and figure out that a value you thought you had, you don't have, or discovering a value that you do have that you didn't know you really valued at all. And that happens too. Um, I had a patient that always thought I value wisdom and I'm so wise. And when she sorted the values cards, that was not her value. Her actual value was education and learning. Um, it wasn't wise, pithy statements that I can speak into people's lives. So go through that list, do some journaling, pick, you know, the ones that really speak to you, figure out what they mean, and then journal. Okay, where am I not lining up with that in my life? So, my alpha laundry room, my my beautiful laundry room, I love my laundry room. It lines up with my value for connection because my laundry gets folded in there and it doesn't spill into my family room. And my kids, I have a value for teaching them how to be independent. I can use the system in the laundry room to learn how to do their own laundry, and we can do that system together. And it's easy to clean up. I don't have piles of laundry on the floor because that stresses me out. It doesn't stress everyone out. I have a friend that that's her laundry system for me, that stresses me out. So having a system that supports my harmony and my peace, um, my desire for shalom is really essential. So figure out what your values are and then look at your life and pick one or two areas that don't align with your values and set a five or ten minute goal once a week, once a month, once a day if you're really ambitious, help yourself line up with your value. That's where authenticity is found.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, Anne, thank you so much for sharing your insights with us today. It has truly been an enlightening experience with you, and we will catch you next time.

SPEAKER_00:

Thanks, Sophia. And if you liked what you heard, be sure to follow me on your favorite podcast platform. And as always, may you see mercy, see with mercy, respond with wisdom, and stay grounded in peace.

SPEAKER_01:

Thanks for tuning in to Ask Anchester Therapy Talks. If today's episode hit home and you live in Texas, you can schedule a free 15-minute consultation with Anne at Anchester.com. Or just give her a call at 817 939 7884. Let's start the conversation because it doesn't have to be that way. Until next time, take care.