Ask Anne Chester™: Therapy Talks

Understanding Cortisol Addiction And Finding Real Rest

• Anne Chester, LCSW • Episode 12

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 What Is A Cortisol Junkie?

Calm can feel threatening when your nervous system has learned that being “on” is the safest place to live. We sit down with licensed clinical social worker Anne Chester to unpack why cortisol and adrenaline become fuel for everyday life, how over functioning gets praised while burnout grows in the shadows, and what it takes to retrain a body that forgot how to rest. From holiday overstimulation to the quiet that follows, we trace the arc from survival mode to sustainable calm without shaming productivity or pathologizing grit.

We explore the science behind fight or flight hormones and the subtle ways stress hides in excellence, perfectionism, and being “the reliable one.” Anne breaks down ACE scores (adverse childhood experiences) as a framework for understanding chronic activation, clarifying that it’s not about ranking trauma but about how long your system stayed on alert. You’ll hear the inner questions that keep people revved—Who needs me? What am I missing?—and why vacations often fail when your body hasn’t learned that rest is safe. We dig into cravings, restless sleep, and the discomfort of silence, then map the small practices that build tolerance for calm.

Expect concrete, compassionate steps to rewire your baseline: name emotional fatigue, let grief belong without comparison, set boundaries you can keep, and practice short, non-performance moments that teach safety to your nervous system. Anne offers a grounded path from constant scanning to grounded presence, reminding us that you’re not broken—you adapted. With steady support, your body can learn a new way to be okay without the constant push.

If this conversation resonates, share it with someone who needs permission to slow down, and leave a review to help others find the show. Live in Texas and want to talk it through? Book a free 15-minute consultation at Anchester.com or call 817-939-7884.

To learn more about Anne Chester™, LCSW Counseling visit:
https://www.AnneChester.com
Anne Chester™, LCSW Counseling
122 River Oaks Drive
Southlake, Texas 76092
817-939-7884

SPEAKER_01:

You're listening to Ask Anchester, Therapy Talk, a podcast where life's tough moments meet real talk, a little humor, and the expertise of Anchester, licensed clinical social worker. Anne helps Texan women in the middle of life navigate anxiety, depression, and trauma with compassion and a no-knobsense edge. If you've ever thought, there's gotta be a better way, you're in the right place. And good news, you can schedule a free 15-minute consultation with Anne, because as she says, it doesn't have to be that way. Now, let's dive in.

SPEAKER_02:

When your body gets hooked on stress, it can shape your choices, your energy, and even your identity. Welcome back everyone. I'm Sophia Yvette, co-host and producer back in the studio with Anchester, licensed clinical social worker. Anne, how's it going today? It's going well. How are you, Sophia? I am also doing well now, Anne. I am excited to jump in with you today. Now, let's get into it. What does it mean to be a cortisol junkie?

SPEAKER_00:

So, first, Sophia, I wanted to do this episode because it's incredibly common to feel overstimulated after the holidays. And even if we set the holidays aside, many of us are already functioning on cortisol or adrenaline long before November and December arrive. The holidays don't create the problem, they just intensify it. So the pace increases, our expectations increase, the emotional labor that we put out into the universe increases. And for many people whose nervous system is already live and on high alert, the season simply turns the volume up. So coming out of Christmas, in my own self, I notice familiar patterns. I crave a lot more brownies. I really like brownies. I struggle with boredom, restlessness, and disrupted sleep. But these symptoms are consistently reported by people that also experience high cortisol or high adrenaline levels. And it's the thing that happens when we live through prolonged, high-intensity or stressful periods. My mom, when I was a kid, loved to tell stories, and her favorite source was Reader's Digest. And her favorite stories were always the miraculous one. And it would be a story about people who could do big things in terrifying situations, like a mom who lifted a car to rescue her baby pinned underneath a car after an accident. And those stories sounded unbelievable, but there is real science behind them. Adrenaline and cortisol are the fight or flight hormones. They are released to give us strength and focus and energy to get through something overwhelming. That something might be a traumatic event, or it might just be a prolonged season of stress. It could be having a chaotic household, a demanding job. Maybe you're the caretaker, or maybe you're in a religious culture that just rewards overfunctioning. Some of us move in and out of adrenaline and others just live there. And over time we become adrenaline or cortisol junkies. So an adrenaline or a cortisol junkie is not someone trying to create chaos in their own life or everybody else's life. It's not about drama or thrill seeking, it's about survival. The cortisol or adrenaline junkie is a person who learned to rely on stress chemicals to feel emotionally regulated. In other words, you're just living in survival all the time. Somewhere in your life, your nervous system learned that staying on meant that you were safe. And the off switch never came back. So you may recognize some signs in yourself. So the big one is calm feels wrong. You stay busy even when you're exhausted. Relaxing feels uncomfortable or impossible. You are excellent in a crisis, but really anxious when things are calm. Calm, steady relationships feel flat or even unsafe. Silence is intolerable. You feel exhausted even when you've gotten a good night's sleep. You experience cravings, and when things finally settle, you wait for something bad to happen. Adrenaline often hides in socially rewarding places. It can look like a devotion, perfectionism, excellence, responsibility, or being the reliable one. These are image-based states. They often hide how stressed the nervous system actually is. There are also people who do not fear stress. They fear the absence of stress. Because stress has become so familiar that the familiar feels safe and calm even when it's not. And the pattern doesn't come from nowhere. Somewhere along the way, you decided often unconsciously, I never want to feel unsafe again. So your nervous system learned to stay hyper-aware, always scanning, always anticipating, and always preparing. This may come from an abusive or unpredictable parent, a volatile relationship, a traumatic event, religious or institutional trauma where worth was tied to performance or devotion. A helpful framework for understanding this are ACE scores. Those are adverse childhood experiences. ACE scores look at early experiences like chronic stress, unpredictability, emotional neglect, abuse, or environments where you had to be alert to stay safe. ACE scoring is not about how dramatic something looks on the outside. It's about how long your nervous system stayed activated. Many adults with high cortisol patterns do not identify as having a bad childhood. They say things like, well, nothing terrible happened, or other people had it much worse. But ACE research shows us that prolonged stress without relief, even without obvious trauma, can shape the nervous system towards hypervigilance or over-regulation. This helps can explain the strong connection between a higher ACE score and adult burnout. Burnout is often the nervous system reaching exhaustion after decades of being on alert. Your body does not respond to categories or comparisons. It responds to chronic demands, lack of safety, and lack of repair. ACE scores are not labels, they're just context. And they help explain why the nervous system never learned how to turn off. If learning about an ACE score is concerning to you, it's a good time to go talk to a counselor or a licensed professional. You don't need a high ACE score to get support. A cortisol junkie or an adrenaline junkie will live with a constant internal dialogue that keeps the nervous system aroused. So some questions you might find yourself asking are: what will go wrong if I don't stay on top of this? What am I missing? Who needs me right now? If I relax, things won't get done. No one else is available to help. Who am I if I am not useful? Who will help if I do not help? How can I be more prepared? Am I selfish or irresponsible for resting or letting this go? A common reason to avoid grieving and stay cortisol driven is comparison. I didn't have it as bad as this person or that person or, you know, the victim in the reader's digest article. Comparison allows us to be functional. It keeps grief at bay. It keeps cortisol in place, but grief is not a competition. And the nervous system responds to what it lives through and not how it actually ranks. One of the most remarkable things about a nervous system on overdrive is how it rests. Even when exhausted, sleep can be difficult. Thoughts repeat, sleep is fragmented, and the heart rate elevates. You go on vacation and assume that stress is going to be left behind, but rest never arrives because the body doesn't know how to rest. Healing begins with naming your emotional fatigue, grieving what was required to survive, and with accepting your human limits. Healing means that you're not responsible for other people's choices, that you do not need to be Superman, and that you're allowed to be human. Healing begins with learning about trust. It's hard to trust. So you have to learn about it first. Our brains are remarkable. They can learn something different. Healing is not calm. Healing is learning that calm is tolerable, neutral, and safe. Healing is learning that you don't need to scan for danger. You do not need to offer help. You do not need to perform. You do not need to make a good impression. You can just be. If your body can re cannot remember how to rest, it doesn't mean that you're broken. It means that rest was once unsafe. And memory returns slowly through safety and not force. So if this podcast resonated with you, be sure to share it with someone or like it. And as always, may you see with mercy, respond with wisdom, and stay grounded in peace.

SPEAKER_02:

Wow, Anne. Well, thank you so much for breaking this down for us clearly. We appreciate your insight, and we'll see everyone next time.

SPEAKER_01:

Thanks for tuning in to Ask Anchester Therapy Talks. If today's episode hit home and you live in Texas, you can schedule a free 15-minute consultation with Anne at Anchester.com. Or just give her a call at 817-939 7884. Let's start the conversation because it doesn't have to be that way. Until next time, take care.