Blended Families Without The Fairy Dust

Forget the Pinterest-perfect version of blended family life—this one has missing shirts in glove boxes, bedtime battles at 10:16, and kids who worry that bonding with a step figure betrays a parent. We walk through the messy middle with honesty, humor, and rules that actually hold.

We start with the everyday chaos of two homes: keeping track of uniforms, hairbrushes, and the never-ending question of which house has the good water bottle. Then we get candid about identity and belonging—how names like mom, mama, or even “Miami” evolve on a child’s timeline, not an adult’s agenda. The throughline is respect. Two homes mean two cultures, so reentry days require clear expectations for sleep, chores, and tone. We share the script we use: set a boundary, enforce it, then repair with warmth so dignity stays intact.

There’s real talk about co-parent dynamics and phones—the late-night noise, the locked doors, and the moment you take the device and text the other parent to align the story. We also enter tougher ground: substance misuse, consequences, and what rebuilding trust looks like when kids’ safety is the top priority. Second chances matter, but only alongside consistent boundaries and transparency. Along the way, we unpack loyalty binds, nostalgia traps, and why we refuse to weaponize the past or compete for the “better” house. Sometimes the sanest move is choosing frozen lasagna over a pointless fight and saving your energy for the values that shape character.

If you’re navigating divorce, step-parenting, or the long road of blending families, you’ll find practical scripts, steadier rules, and permission to grow slow. We won’t promise perfect, but we will offer structure, compassion, and small wins that add up to belonging across two front doors. Listen, share with a friend who needs it, and if this helped, follow the show, leave a review, and tell us the one boundary that changed your home.

Transcript

Setting The Stage: Blended Realities

SPEAKER_00 0:01

You're listening to the Anxiety Ridden Moms Club, season two. I'm Kylie and I'm Gina. Real moms, real anxiety, real conversations. Let's dive in because chaos is our cardio.

SPEAKER_03 0:18

Welcome back to the Anxiety Ridden Moms Club, where we tell the truth about motherhood, anxiety, healing, and trying to do all of this while still occasionally remembering to feed ourselves actual food. And today we're opening a big one: blended families, divorce, and what it looks like to raise kids who don't have just one home. They have two.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

And not the Pinterest version of blended families. We're talking the messy, the inconvenient, the weird little grief pockets that sneak up in the carpool line, and the unexpected beauty that shows up in tiny ways.

SPEAKER_03 0:50

I so shopping, I saw a sign that said perfectly blended. Okay. Okay, I'm gonna need more than a sign that just says perfectly blended. Like how are there instructions on the back? Because I don't I don't get it.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Because that doesn't exist.

SPEAKER_03 1:12

But okay, ready? So the Pinterest version, yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

I bet I bet if they have that sign. I'm sure they do. And you can hang it in your house with the idea to hopefully maybe get there.

The Logistics Spiral: Shirts And Sweaters

SPEAKER_03 1:25

Yes. And if anyone out there has this sign hanging in their house and they're proud of it, perfectly blended, please reach out because I would like to know how you do it. So the first saga I feel like we need to dive into that nobody warned warned me about how exhausting it is to keep a mental inventory of which house has which sweatshirt, which house has which water bottle, and who has good hairbrush right now. I recently, so Nora or was, it's over now, was in cheer. And then at the kids' school, they have these days called Faith Family Days where the kids from the grade school and the middle school all come together and they all have certain colored shirts and they're called Faith Family shirts. So I have torn my house apart up one side, down the other. Wait, didn't you just do this recently with some cheerleading outfits?

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Yes. Did I talk about this already? Where the cheerleading outfit was in a glove compartment box? Yes. We already talked about this.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

So we lost the cheerleading outfit, but now the trolls have stolen the Faith Family Day shirt.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

Maybe. Just maybe. You need to find some way to organize the things that she needs to take. No are important.

SPEAKER_03 2:42

Because I even looked up on the calendar the last Faith Family Day, and it was a Tuesday, which they stay overnight at their dad's house. So like Bish wore it to school on Tuesday, and then she went to her dad's. So why am I blamed for the missing Faith Family shirt? Like what we and we checked the glove boxes. We checked mine. We checked Matt's and I told my mom because she picks them up from a school to check her glove box. Why? What is happening?

SPEAKER_00 3:18

Well, I think one of the reasons you get blamed because your mom. Why do moms get blamed for everything? Moms always get blamed. Because they don't expect anything out of their dads.

unknown 3:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

And you know, I mean, you know, it's kind of like you expect your dad to, you know, help you with your car. You know, hey, dad, there's something wrong and it's making a weird noise. What do I do? You know, hey, dad, tire just went flat. You know, those are like once in a while things. You don't have things that you're like, how often do you really have in your house where it's dad, dad, dad, dad? You don't. It doesn't exist. It's always mom. That's why when I have babies, I love them to have their first word be dad-da. There's no reason to say mama sooner than you need. So I was supposed to be, I all the time would say dad-da. Say dad-da.

SPEAKER_03 4:08

Because I will hear mama for the rest of my life. What are your kids? What did your kids call you?

SPEAKER_00 4:14

Um, well, I was oh well, I think I always so the only one that kind of was like uh different was my is Austin would always call me Miami because he always would say my mommy. I was never mom, mommy. I was my mommy. And so as time went on, I think just made it easier. He just would call me Miami. So when we would even go, because he was just crazy, he was kind of violent when people would say, he would say, uh, my mommy, can I have uh something, you know? And I would say no or yes or whatever. And somebody'd always hear him when you're in a store and they'd say, That's my mommy. That dude would like turn to you like he was going to slit your throat. He'd say, My mommy. I mean, he would get so mad.

SPEAKER_03 4:55

My niece, but it's my meme. That's my meme. Yeah. No, that's my meme, my meme. And I'm like, Well, it's my mom. And then she just looks at me like, What the fuck are you? How dare you? Yeah, that's how he was my meme.

Why Moms Get Blamed For Everything

SPEAKER_00 5:08

So I got to be called Miami for many years. I did love that he called me that because it's just different. Um, otherwise, I mean, I've always just been mom, mama, typical whatever, yeah, hey lady. Bruh.

unknown 5:24

Bruh.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Or my mom, now my daughter calls me mother. For uh she'll always mother. I need this mother. And she says that about mother.

SPEAKER_03 5:34

In our household, Taylor Swift is mother. And if you think I'm kidding, I am not. She is mother. It's a Swifty thing. She's mother.

SPEAKER_00 5:47

Yeah, so no, I'm called mother, and she and he's called father. And so she was actually at school or something, and she was says about well, my my father or something, and they want to know if he was in the military or was he super strict or something.

SPEAKER_03 6:02

Because you don't seem real close to him.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

And she thinks that they're nuts. And I'm like, dude, most people don't really call people mother and father. You are the only one walking around doing that. And we do not require it, but it's fine. So I always refer to her. I make sure I always say, daughter, what are you doing today? And daughter, where are you going?

SPEAKER_03 6:23

That's funny. I mine are completely different. Nora's more mom, mom, mom, and why it's mama. I'm just his mama.

SPEAKER_00 6:33

Oh, he always calls you mama.

SPEAKER_03 6:34

That's yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:36

Sometimes it's like mom. I don't know. But it actually he said it different the other day, and I was like, huh.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

But yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:44

Yeah. It's just the the balancing, and and I I can't imagine what it feels like for them. I think that at first it's like probably traumatizing to have two houses, but now I feel like they have totally embraced it and they have, you know, the way that it is in their room here, and their way that it is their room in their dad's house, and they, you know, have them completely.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

I I think the one thing is that when you have blended families, is and you don't like anybody else's kids as much as you like your own. Yes. Okay. So everybody always talks about, oh my God, so and so's kid gets on my nerves. Did you see what those kids do? Oh my god, I hate that. And then your kid would do something stupid as hell, and they'll be like, Oh my god, are they adorable? So I think that's the problem when people blend families. We all think, I mean, as a whole, though, we genuinely like children, right? But when you give them the devil, right? So we all genuinely like children, but at the same time, let's be honest, we also talk about everybody's kids. So everybody parents a different way. So obviously, you parent the way you you like people to act, right? And so, and then they you see signs of yourself or whatever, and it's all adorable. So I think a lot of times when we date people who have kids, you sit and you think, Oh, this would be it won't be that bad. And I mean, I like kids, you know, get along mine, they're great, and then you blend them all together and you realize, I mean, it's you have to really get to know those kids in a different way because it's not uh to to grow the relationship, to have a truly blended family. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 8:21

I mean, and that's that's gonna take time, yes. And I I mean, mine being 10 and 14, like it's really hard because there there are days that they are really annoying. Yeah. Really annoying. Yes. Um, yeah, and so that's I I don't think it's talked about enough how difficult it is to really have a real relationship.

SPEAKER_00 8:45

A lot of people go into relationships, and I don't, I'm don't agree with this, but um people look at those are his kids, these are my kids, those aren't my problem, these are my pri you know, that kind of thing. I I don't think it's healthy for the kids, and I don't think it's healthy for a relationship. And uh, but I just don't think people do talk about that. I mean, you do have to, and I feel 100% this is an adult's responsibility and is not the kids' responsibility to fit you. You are the adult, so you should be the one trying to make that effort and figuring out the kid and then learning how to have that relationship. And if you haven't figured that out or learned that relationship, I don't know why people get married until that's figured established for sure.

Two Homes, Two Worlds

SPEAKER_03 9:27

Yeah. I mean, I've I've felt it in my my relationship for sure, because Wyatt thinks that the sun shines out of his dad's orfices and that there is nothing his dad can do wrong, and that is fabulous for them and their relationship. Um, but my you know, my significant other has never tried to replace his dad, but like just wants to get along a relationship, yeah, and let him know that like he's there for them too. And it was really cool because we took um probably like a year after we'd been dating, we took our first like family trip and um we went to Oshkosh, Oshkosh, Bagosh, Oshkosh, Wisconsin, um, to the world's largest air show because Brad had previously been um in pilot school. So he had been pursuing becoming a pilot, and we went, and that was like the first time I saw, you know, you know, Wyatt and Brad were doing a flight simulator at the Boeing exhibit, and like that was the first time I saw them like interact and really truly, you know, start forming that relationship, which is cool. Right. Um but that is and that's I mean to this day, one of my favorite, my favorite moments is when I I saw them them click. But what I will say is Brad has a tough audience because the audience has been format like trans like I don't know how to say this, but like I almost feel like Wyatt feels like he's being disloyal to his dad. Yes by like even talking to Brad. And like we haven't we haven't overcame that yet. And so I'm really looking for ways to to help that relationship. Um, it starts by forcing Wyatt out of his room, which has happened because his computer broke. Oh he has to like engage with humans, um, which is nice, but yeah, that that that alone is like a piece in itself because I can tell he feels like he's being disloyal to his father by having even conversations with with Brad.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

Right. And I think that's the thing. I think it it's divorce is hard on kids, you know? Absolutely. It we of course it's always hard on us. I mean, we have our own dramas and things that go on or whatever, but the reality of it is it's the kids who suffer through the the consequence of it. I think I've always felt um very responsible for um if the kids were to feel like it was difficult or hard on them or that that the going to somebody else's house was an issue. I I worried more about that than anything because I just looked at it as they are the ones who have to suffer through the day-to-day in between conversations, all the stuff that gets told to them. And um I don't want them to feel bad. I also don't I also think that there's some places that'll some some people feel that as soon as they get with somebody, it's all of a sudden like this is your new parent when you're here, like this is your dad or this is your new mom. I totally don't agree with that either. But I do think that the the kids have to um they have to respect that it's somebody's an adult's home. And if I if my kids went to the neighbors, I expect them to act appropriately, right? Because I mean, that's you were you have to be respectful to their home. So I always would tell my kids, even when they left the house um to go somewhere to the other side for the weekend, that I would always just tell them, you know, make the bet have the best time. I hope you enjoy your weekend, you know, just make the best of it. It's you know, don't go there and have any where you feel any different. Like having fun shouldn't be a problem. I mean, that's what I would want you to do is go over there and have a good time.

SPEAKER_03 13:14

This is funny. So um gosh, how long have we we've been not I mean, we've been separated for three and a half years, and and Brad and I have been together for for three years. And um, so yes, for for those listening and for my kids that like to give me a hard time, there is a a gap in time from separation to Brad. Uh-huh. Um, they like to say that all the time. They're like, well, I'm like, uh no, no, no, no, no. That's another narrative that's being spun. Um that's that's not accurate. But um my God, where was I going with that?

Building Bonds With Step Figures

SPEAKER_00 13:52

Completely forgot. Look at that. But see, that's the things that kids have to put up with, though, is like the discussions of those things. It shouldn't, doesn't need to be discussed with them. Like that's the problem, is the adults are as adults, we're the problem, mate, for the most part. Not to say there aren't kids out there with there's problems and that the whatever, but that's a responsibility of the adults to help to get over and through. And I just think that people had led to had lib too many things into children's minds to make it harder. Um, that is why, like I say, any time that my kids would leave the house, whether it was Tom's to go to their mom's or Austin to go over to um his dad's, I just always would tell them to have a great time, you know, that you get over there, have a good time, and we cannot wait until you get back. Like we are looking forward to you to come home. But I did make it very clear that in our house, we were a family under our roof. You know what I mean? We function as a family. That didn't so like when so when Austin was little, Austin was like uh probably around three, I guess. Um he started because we have Tom and Tommy. So he right away would be like, I think getting to the point where he's thinking, okay, these are two of the same names. So he would say, It's Big Tommy and Little Tommy. So he'd always call my husband Big Tommy, which is great. And then by the time he was around four, I don't know, maybe four and a half or something like that, he came up to me and he said he wanted to call Tom Dad. I'm like, Okay, well, why? Like, I mean, I I would never put that upon. I think that that's something that should come from a child's heart if they want to do that, not anything I've ever said or done. And so I asked him, like, are you are you sure? Like, you know, and he's like, Yeah. And I go, You well, let's, you know, I just I said, Well, you can go talk to him and ask him. So he went in there and he said that he said that he wanted to call that. And he was like, buddy, it's you can call me whatever you want. He said, It doesn't make any difference. I still love you, you know, regardless. And so then he sat for a little bit and kept me. He said, I think I'm gonna call him Big Daddy. So he called him Big Daddy for years. That's what I call him. So you're gonna have to cry. So funny gross. So he called him Big Daddy for years. It was so funny. So every time we go by say Big Daddy all the time. It was so funny, but it was whatever. I mean, we didn't the boys are the same way to me. Tommy was actually the first one who came up to me and said he wanted to call me mom. And I told him this when he, him and I had the conversation, I said it's I'm how we feel about each other, putting a name on me doesn't change how we feel. It doesn't, it doesn't make any difference. So like so, whatever you're comfortable with is what you can call me, and that's a you thing, you know.

SPEAKER_03 16:26

So what were your what were your situations with the significant others? Like, so for for me and Matt, we're we're 60-40, which with Wyatt is more 50-50 because they're building derby cars and they're going to dirt, you know, different things.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

And so we were so at first, this was in the very, very beginning at first, um, with the two older ones, we were 50-50. And then with Austin, he was more of, you know, your typical Wednesday evening every other weekend. But um, in our situation, those things changed kind of quickly. And so we always were more and more. And so then it would go to like 75%. We had them. Then it came to like, you know, 90% of the time. So we were, I mean, that's why for us, we really are 100% a family. I mean, if you came to my house, the whole time those kids were growing up, people were when they'd find out, even, were shocked that we weren't like a family. They did not know we were blended. And the boys, it was funny because I think it was Casey who was like, he was out of high school, and some kitty said something to, and all of a sudden I said, Well, wait a hold on a second. Gina's not your mom. He's like, Well, she's my mom, but she's not biologically my mom. And they're like, Okay, I never knew that the whole time we've been in school, and I've been at your house a million times, but we just know it we just function as a family. How many of you got the job well done? Yeah, I mean, we had the kids.

SPEAKER_03 17:53

I'm gonna get you a perfectly blended sign for Christmas.

Respect, Rules, And House Culture

SPEAKER_00 17:58

But it does. I mean, it takes a lot of uh it takes a lot of uh what's the word I want to say? I don't know. I mean, we always made sure we had family nights, so that was a big thing, you know what I mean? Like that we always did that. We always made sure that like even if I ever like scolded, especially in the early on, in the earlier times of things, especially, if I scolded even Tommy or um Casey for anything, I would always make sure after that I punished him for something, I would go back and talk to him and tell them how much I loved them and that what they did still is not acceptable and I'm never gonna accept it. But at the end of the day, it doesn't change anything about how I feel. So I think that I always want to make sure we were doing our check-ins, especially when they're the ones that not are not biologically yours, because when it's biologically yours, they kind of they know, even though you I still would always let them know that I loved them too. But I didn't feel the same. I mean, I knew I had to do it for those boys to make sure that they knew I love them no different than anybody else. I don't never made rules any different in my house. A rule is a rule for everybody. I saw too many families where you could really see the favoritism of one kid over another. Like, oh, this is my my little baby, and oh, this is that kid. Oh, maybe he's like, you know, yeah, he's my son or he's my bonus kid and all that stuff. And even my kids would tell me, I'm so glad you've never called us anything like that. Like they don't want me called like bonus children or I mean, they're my kids. You know what I mean? And we've made it that way. Now, if I was in a situation where I feel like maybe that um I knew that our relationship probably was never gonna be that I could be that much of a parent, which I really didn't know. Like when I came out of life, I didn't really expect to be like, I'm gonna be their mom. Like in I'm not, I didn't see that at all. But through time, I just kind of felt like, well, maybe, maybe I can build a relationship enough to where they we have we do love each other and care for each other and we have a wonderful relationship to whatever degree that is. So I mean, I just feel like I just I made sure that they always knew I was there for them regardless. But they still there's rules in my house and you had to follow them and rules and rules, yeah. Rules and rules. I mean, I'm not gonna, you know, just walk around and treat me however or whatever. And but the kids, we got lucky. I mean, the the boys even blended so easily. I mean, they were so in love with being with each other that way that's super easy. But um, and then even when we had Kylie, I mean, they were all like really happy about having her, and even though there was a decent age gap for sure, um, they were thrilled about having her. So they were a huge part of her, and she's, you know, very I think she sometimes wishes that she would have grown up with more of them in the house a little bit, but on the other hand, she has been very babied by all those boys as she's takes full advantage of all that. So I'm sure she's you know, she's perfectly fine.

SPEAKER_03 20:44

I'm yeah, no, I'm sure we uh it's all it's all coming back to me now. Um Nora came home. So Nora has her hair, is generally speaking, to um her lower back, top of her, like very, very long hair. Uh-huh. And um it can it can be hellacious. And so a few weeks ago, she came home and her hair was all nicely braided, and I was like, who did your hair? And she's like, um, I did, no bitch, you didn't, because um I've gotten those mats out one million times and she just kept smiling. I'm like, for real, who did your hair? Well, her dad has a new girlfriend. Oh, yeah. And so she was, she was like petrified to tell me. And I was like, no. I was like, anyone who wants to tackle your hair is allowed. Yeah. Is allowed. And she's like, well, you've you've dated Brad for for three years. I don't see why. And I'm like, hey, you're the you're the one getting upset here. Like, I am, I want your father to be happy. I think this is great. And the fact that she is doing your hair, she is already a winner in my book. So shout out. Hello, thank you. I am, I welcome the help. Um, that I mean, that's another thing too, is just like, I don't know if if you ever had had this, I'm sure everyone to some extent, but like the behavior changes. Like they are treated a certain way and act a certain way at their dad's. And like I feel like I spend like a good day or two when I quote unquote get them back. Yes. Um being like, okay, we we pick up after ourselves and we put this in the trash and we you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 22:30

Like I well, I think that's the other reason why it's hard. I mean, the kids have different rules, totally different rules that they have to live by. And definitely, I mean, especially as it got more and more to where well, no, I'll I'll be honest with you, I think that it was the more that they would do the back and forth on a regular, I think that I had more of that than when it was like they just would go for a short blip and then be back. It was it wasn't as bad. Um, but when we were really in the midst of truly the more back and forth, it was they had it was totally different at their home. And as we obviously just talked about control, I like things a certain way. And I don't, I did most of the work. I don't, I'm not saying it's I don't have the I mean my kids, I don't never put on the the board of the tests of what they have for chores. Nothing none of that went on. So I didn't dump anything on them, but you're not gonna trash my house or or you're not gonna like just, you know, throw everything everywhere. You have to be at least, you know, help a little bit with the basics. And so when they would come back, some of that would happen. But I would say the biggest problem that I had really was like sleep schedules sometimes, especially for the older two boys, they'd come back and they would their sleep was way off, and so they'd come back exhausted, and then they kind of I think felt like they probably ran the roost a little bit more over at their mom's compared to over at ours. So sometimes you get just a little bit of an attitude that you could be like, okay, yeah, I don't we don't talk to each other that way. Yeah, yeah. We don't talk to each other way, and that's why I don't talk to you that way, so you sure as hell are not gonna talk to me that way. I mean, I'm always a please and a thank you, and I appreciate you and all that stuff. So I have an expectation of my kids to be that way. And if they are not, then well, I'll go ahead and head with you without a problem. So I would get that, I feel like more when we were splitting probably more time. Once it was like we had them, which didn't take very much only a few years, but after that it was like I I didn't have that much of a problem with it anymore.

SPEAKER_03 24:21

I mean, just just this week, because I on school nights I have a very firm like if it's not a school night, I am very laid back as far as bedtimes and things go. And I'm to the point now where they're old enough that I'll be like, I'm going to bed. Like, don't be ridiculous. And um, Nora more so because she got into having sleepovers like every single weekend, and they wanted to stay up all night. You do you. But then she would be a psycho because she was tired and she would be mean. And I'm like, you know what? We won't have sleepovers. Yep. And then we started enforcing bedtime. I'm like, if I hear you one peep after midnight, like your ass is grass because she she's just not old enough to know that she needs sleep to not be crouchy. Um, but I had told Wyatt one night this week, I had told him 15 times, get off the phone. Get off the phone. 10 o'clock. I better not hear you after 10 o'clock. And it went on, like, not even try to hide it at this point. And I stormed and well, he locked his door, which I screamed I was gonna take his door off the hinges. But then I said, Give me your phone, give me your phone. It was 1016. I was over it, I was exhausted. I had to work the next day. I'm like, give me your phone. My dad pays for this phone. I mean, I don't even think he knew what was coming when I jumped on the bed and I had the phone in my hand before he even knew what happened. Yeah. And I was like, this is my house and these are my rules. And I told you 10 o'clock.

SPEAKER_02 25:49

Yes.

Phones, Bedtimes, And Co‑Parent Friction

SPEAKER_03 25:50

And then I was even smart enough to um, when I woke up the next morning, I texted his dad and said, It's 10 o'clock bedtime. It was 1016. He had everybody in this house up. I'm not dealing with it. So, whatever story you get sold is not what happened. I took the phone, he has it back now. But if it happens again, like it will be mine for a week, which I mean, very early on, you know, when things are are super duper tense, it it was the same thing. I had taken Wyatt's phone and then um he came home and his dad had bought him one. Yeah. I don't care if Jesus himself pays for your phone. This is my house. Yes, and I'm gonna set rules, which it still bites me in the ass because if it was my phone, I would have set parental controls and he wouldn't have it after 10.

SPEAKER_00 26:34

But like I'm telling you, one minute after 10, I But see, I think that's what makes start starts. That's why I think that's why I say it's so adults make it harder. I don't know what I mean. Absolutely make it harder by being immature. It's the exactly the truth. I mean, the reality of it is I you should always want that when your kids go to another home, that they're happy. And instead, we get our butt hurt about everything. And so then we wanna we kind of intervene this problem or issue, and the next thing you know, it's your kids who suffer through the middle of that. You know what I mean? If I were to have sent any of the kids to anybody else's house and been like, act up and do whatever you want. I mean, you know, they're ridiculous. You shouldn't put up with anything that they have to say to you. And if they're with somebody else, God bless it. If they say something to you, oh, I'll take care of them. I mean, I that's their home. Obviously, it's within reason. If you had a situation that somebody's with somebody who is abusive in some sort of context to your children, is one thing. But for the most part, if they're being typical regular people and they just have normal rules of their home, they should have a right to be able to say, you don't get to do that here and stop that. You know what I mean? They should be able to do those things. And so just like phones, you should, if you give a kid a phone, it should be understand when you're at that person's house, if you get in trouble and the phone gets taken. I mean, I don't not that's the phone over at their house at that point. Yes, I'm giving it to you and allowing it to you, and maybe I'm not the person who would ever take a phone away, but it doesn't matter. Everybody has a right to their own rules.

SPEAKER_03 27:58

Yes, and that's where it gets very, very, very clouded because it's almost like I'm not a phone taker away. Sure. I'm um me neither, and like it's 1016 for the third night in a row, and no one can go to sleep because you're literally like, I don't even know. They were playing some like demolition derby game, and he's like, Road flag, road flag, and I'm like, it is fucking 10.30 tonight. The only red flag is gonna be up your fucking ass if you don't go to sleep. If you think I'm giving it away.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

Okay, I would take a vote away for that. Well, we've done stuff though where the kids have woke us up though in the in the middle of the night for shit. And Tom has been so pissed. That's when he's gotten an air horn. My mom actually gave it to him. And then that's it. Jimmy said, he told me, he said, you watch these bastards tomorrow. And so he went and got that airphone. He did it at the air horn at like six o'clock in the morning. He got up bright and early for intentionally, and we walk upstairs and he's like, Hey, Austin, buddy, get up, could you? Because Austin always woke up early, anyways. He's like, You're a cool man, but you might want to leave the room. And so it's never Austin couldn't stay up to save his life. So it was never him that was causing the trouble. So Austin would leave the room, and then all of a sudden, so funny. That's so funny. I need to do that. That's the type of shit we did as parenting. Instead of we're gonna take your phone, I will fuck you up like you did me in the middle of the house.

SPEAKER_03 29:24

So I so I I go for this kid's phone. I have the phone. Then he like lunges towards me and I'm like, oh, you don't even, you don't even want to go there. But he didn't, he didn't. He quickly realized that like this was and then he starts saying, I need my phone for my alarm. Your alarm that you haven't set in three motherfucking years because me and your sister are beating down your door to get ready at 7 30 to go to school. You don't need your alarm. I've got it. I'll get you an alarm clock. But then, like I said, I was smart enough to text his dad and tell him what happened. Yeah. So there was no misconstruing the situation. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and look, uh at here at the anxiety. Mom's club, we keep it honest. So, like there are things in my current relationship that I'm not proud of that my significant other is not proud of. Um, one of those being, you know, um going to jail because of of a substance abuse issue, which we've talked about before. And again, I think we're we're nearing um a year sobriety, which is freaking fabulous. Yes, it's awesome. We will we will celebrate. Maybe we'll celebrate um by bringing him on the show and doing an episode that the episode that I'm very much looking forward to, but relationship with substances um because it's so freaking easy um to use substances to cope with past trauma, current whatever, you know, hardships in life, different things. Um so I'm really looking forward to that. But there are moments that um Brad's not proud of, that I'm not proud of, and that situations that have have my ex has heard of, my kids, you know, and so I know at some point there there it's it was is you want to make sure the kids are safe at all times. Yes, and I think we're to the point now that everyone knows that that they will will always their their safety will always be my number one priority. Um, but people make bad decisions too. And I I'm a firm believer that everybody deserves a second chance, and as long as they can keep their head out of their ass the second, you know, during the second chance. Like, and so there are some things, those, those things we have to work through too, and those things kind of set us back. And I'm I'm mindful of that. I know that, and I'm not forcing any sort of or you know, I'm not forcing anything. I think that it will happen in time, but I think that there's work, there's some serious work that has to be done on our side as the adults, and on the kids, just like you don't it's a two-way street, a little bit. Respect. Yeah, they're supposed to be respect. What it always comes down to is whether it's it's me, whether it's Brad, whether it's someone else, whether it's your teacher, R E S P E C T is the number one, like you respect people. Yep. We respect each other, you respect your classmates, you respect and as long as I lay the groundwork that we respect everyone and we are kind humans, I think we'll be okay.

Substance Struggles, Safety, And Second Chances

SPEAKER_00 32:30

Right. Well, and hopefully it's something too that you get you can have where, especially when things are going and then everything's going well and and there's not issues, you know, if you can sometimes those are maybe conversations that we have to have with our exes about things too. Because realistically I'm reminded of talk. No. But I mean, that's you know, but that's what I'm saying. It should be no talk.

SPEAKER_03 32:53

Just this morning, I said reminder. Reminder. So sometimes when you're dealing with an adult child, it's a little bit different. And I love I love him as the father of my children some days. Really, some days. Literally this morning, I said reminder, because I already texted him that I have a baby shower. Um I'm taking Nora to the baby shower with me. I'll be there to pick her up, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And the response, no talk. And you know what? You know how I can tell that I'm growing? Because I didn't say fuck you. I didn't say anything at all. I remained silent because sometimes the power is in silence. That is the absolute truth.

SPEAKER_00 33:39

And unfortunately, I didn't have situations too that we had some grand working relationship either, um, which is why I just focused on my home, my kids, and my situation the best I could. And I looked at it as um they just had to know that my home was a safe place and a happy place. And we did what we made sure we blended in our own way. Um, but I I do hear a lot of people where it's like, you know, and I know the feeling, you know, if somebody else comes into the picture, whether it's another guy for the dad feeling that way or the mom feeling like another woman comes in. I think everybody has some different feelings about it, whether it's um, you know, the safety of kids, which I think men always like to bring up, uh, you know, there's the safety no matter what, that's always their kind of go-to. Um, and women, I mean, women can be abusive and mean and hateful as well. So I think that there's always some fears, but I do think sometimes that if everybody could seriously act like adults and have a conversation, we could probably solve a lot of the problems for our children that they don't then have to do.

SPEAKER_03 34:42

And if possible, stop calling kettles, not drinking problems. That would be great, too.

SPEAKER_00 34:48

Right. And then that's it's just like when some people they feel like they want to interject in what some if they're gonna allow somebody you do just have a relationship around their kids, okay. Well, the but when you have a relationship, you want somebody just dictating everything that you do. I mean, there has to be some sort of like guidelines or whatever, and and it's nicer if people could probably get along, even though unfortunately you're divorced for a reason, probably because people weren't getting along. And a lot of times that's not solved. And then you enter in with adding other people into their lives, and a lot of times that doesn't probably add in another great voice, which doesn't help. But my whole thing again was I just want my kids to get along with everybody. You just and the last time they were over there for me, of course, that was easier to deal with. But in the beginning, even when they were going more often, I just felt like I wanted my kids to feel like I didn't have a problem with what they were doing. If you were over there and they were happy or having fun with somebody, I did not ever want them to feel like, oh my God, my mom might be jealous about this, or my mom might have a problem with it. Or nor would I sit around before I drop off, you know, you know how much mommy loves you. Like I didn't do that stuff either. Because it's so manipulative. And um, you know, I had I had where Casey came home a couple different times, and he'd be like, um, you know, oh yeah, you know that what my mom and dad they used to do and what restaurant what we went to when I was with my mom. And we all as a family, she said, would go to that restaurant all the time. Well, really, I don't give a fuck, kid. Right. But at the same time, I'd be like, oh, isn't that nice? That's nice. I did you enjoy the restaurant? What did you eat? And I would just change it into talking about what he ate and what his experience was that moment. But I could tell that somebody was definitely having a conversation with him, the boys, of what memory lane was. And to me, if memory lane was so wonderful, why wouldn't you still be married?

SPEAKER_03 36:39

Because you only remember when you get in those moods and those moments, you only want to talk about or remember the good things, but nothing that led to this.

Adult Behavior, Kid Loyalty, And Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 36:48

But I but you know, what are you doing by telling the kids? Well, really, what are you doing by telling the kids some of that stuff? Like, I think it's great to sit and say, like, you know, if you went somewhere and you want to make a comment, like, you know, yeah, remember we used to come here all the time as you know, when when we were together or something and we we would have a good time. So I thought that would be a great restaurant. We enjoyed it or something. It's fine. But when they start having discussions enough to where your kid thinks it was obviously it was a discussion point to come home and give me that look like, huh, look at you. You know what I didn't you know what the conversation was, it was more in depth. And those are things I never understood because I'd be like, I don't know the you're really actually kind of like confusing a kid. And why would you want to confuse a kid? Because it makes you happy if he came home and looked at me with cross-eyed for a moment. Because believe me, within about 30 minutes, he's giving me big hugs and happy to be home. So it's not, it's it's like an irrelevant weird game that I don't really understand. And I wish that more adults would not play those. Never did I sit and tell my kids before they went somewhere. Well, did you know where we used to go and how happy we were, right?

SPEAKER_03 37:49

Now I manipulate them. I'm on the other side of that because maybe because my kids are older, but they're the master manipulators. Like I know that there are conversations that have been put into their heads or into the atmosphere, or you know, even just recently, um, Nora's like, well, you know what? Why it calls whatever. Um, but I feel like that they're older that they will they are the master manipulators because just just recently um Nora's like, I like dad's cooking better. It all yours all taste like plastic. Okay, okay. Wait, hold hold on. Because you don't like real food does not mean my cooking tastes bad. So example lasagna. My mom has a lasagna rep recipe to freaking die for. However, I cannot make it as good as she does. Literally, when she makes it, she always sends me some because mine is never as good as hers. Um, but that is one thing that like I know when I make it, it's it's fire, right? And so, well, dad's is better. Okay. Dad's is Stofers, motherfucker, out of a box. So the other day, literally just last week, I'm grocery shopping or putting my groceries in my cart for Walmart pickup. And I knew I wanted lasagna, and that those were the first ingredients I put in my cart. And then for the hell of it, I looked up stofers and it was like 8.19. And I was like, fuck this. I'm not paying$20 for ingredient, more than$20, because the ground beef alone would be$14. I'm like, I'm not, you want your dad's cooking, motherfucker? Click, added the cart, and it was the greatest dinner of their life. And I will say, for liking my mom's homemade lasagna, the stofers was actually pretty good. Like comparatively, if I had to choose, I would choose homemade. Right. But to pull it out of a box, put it in the oven, and they were happy. Like, I'll take, I'll take the win. That again is where I can tell you that Kylie is growing.

SPEAKER_00 39:48

That is growth. That's awesome. Because I mean, honestly, God, you gotta realize that these kids are just, I mean, kids uh anyways, you know, especially girls, learn how to manipulate early in general. You know what I mean? So it's just it's it's a balance, it's balancing. And that's why it's like, like I said, when certain things would be said to me, I would just have to swallow my pride for a moment, and then I would have to.