The ARMC
Two anxiety ridden Moms and professionals taking on life and work. We've come together to talk about it all and formed The Anxiety Ridden Moms Club or ARMC for short. Welcome to our show, we look forward at what's to come. Thank you for joining us every week for a new episode.
The ARMC
From Anxiety To Emotional Intelligence: Practical Skills For Messy, Real-Life Parenting
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Big feelings don’t wait for calm moments, and neither do our kids. We’re pulling back the curtain on what emotional intelligence actually looks like when the house is loud, the calendar is packed, and your nervous system feels maxed out. Instead of chasing perfection, we lean into a practical framework—pause, think, validate, regulate—that helps us respond with intention and repair when we get it wrong.
We dig into the real habits moms fall into under stress: fixing too fast, minimizing feelings, shutting down, or pausing long enough to choose a better response. You’ll hear simple, repeatable scripts that turn “You’re fine” into “It looks like you’re frustrated,” plus why validation isn’t agreement—it’s safety. We also tackle anxiety triggers like overstimulation and stacked-call Tuesdays, with realistic strategies to front-load care, plan resets, and reframe self-talk so busy days feel manageable instead of doomed.
Beyond home life, we talk about EQ at work: reading emails without projecting tone, holding boundaries without escalation, and staying professional while still clear. We share favorite resources like Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and the value of quick self-assessments to identify growth edges. Most of all, we come back to what matters: raising kids who trust their feelings and know that home is a safe harbor, even when parents are imperfect.
If you’re craving more peace, better communication, and a family culture built on connection, this conversation is your roadmap. Subscribe, share with a mom who needs it, and tell us: which EQ skill are you practicing this week?
Setting The Stage: Moms And Anxiety
SPEAKER_02You're listening to the Anxiety Ridden Moms Club, the podcast for moms who love their kids deeply and still feel anxious, exhausted, and overstimulated.
What Emotional Intelligence Really Means
SPEAKER_01Here, we talk about the messy stuff, the thoughts we don't say out loud, the pressure to do it all, and the journey back to ourselves. Progress over perfection always. Let's go. Hey moms, welcome back to the Anxiety Ridden Moms Club. Your reminder that you don't have to be calm to be a good mom and you don't have to have it all figured out to be raising emotionally healthy kids.
SPEAKER_02Today we're talking about emotional intelligence and not in the Pinterest perfect. Name your feelings with a color chart at all times kind of way. We're talking about the messy real life. Sometimes we get it wrong kind.
SPEAKER_01Because emotional intelligence doesn't start in therapy later. It starts at home with us, even when we're anxious, especially, actually, especially when we're anxious.
SPEAKER_02Let's start with naming feelings. This sounds simple, but it's actually really uncomfortable for a lot of us because many of us weren't raised doing this.
SPEAKER_01Most of us grew up with you're fine, stop crying, or go to your room until you calm down. So now when our kids have big feelings, our nervous systems panic.
SPEAKER_02Naming feelings isn't about fixing them. It's about helping kids understand what's happening inside their bodies.
SPEAKER_01Instead of you're okay, try, it looks like you're frustrated. A lot. I'm pretty sure my kids would think I'm losing my mind. I don't know. We were talking about this episode, and you said to me, I feel like I'm very emotionally intelligent. And I said to you, I feel like I'm not. I'll let you take this one away on the emotional intelligence because I'm working on myself.
SPEAKER_02I worked on myself to be emotionally intelligent, and I'm very thankful that I have. I think emotional intelligence people don't think about enough and they don't realize how important it is for sure.
SPEAKER_01So what does emotional intelligence mean? I'm I'm literally staring at a book that says emotional intelligence 2.0. Maybe that needs to be my new That was a really good book.
SPEAKER_02I mean it was a really good book. And it has even like little uh I think I don't know if it was one or two, but I know there's at least one like little test thingy in it that you even take. Oh yeah. It was honestly, it was really it's a really good book. I I I enjoyed it, but I think my problem is when I read it, I'm like, I already know that.
SPEAKER_01I already know that. I mean, I've worked on it. How are you doing when you're reading a book journey in 2026? Hey, it 2026 just started not that long ago.
SPEAKER_02You know, we're not that far into it. It's coming along. It's coming along. Okay, so what is emotional intelligence? What does it mean? So it is the skill to recognize, understand, and manage your own emotions and to perceive, interpret, and influence the emotions of others, helping you navigate social situations, reduce your stress, communicate effectively, build strong relationships involving key areas like self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and social skills. Unlike an IQ, EI is learned and can be developed over time. See, I'm very got a very high EI score, impacting personal well-being, career success, and leadership effectiveness. So in saying all that, because that is the definition, um so core components of the emotional intelligence is like self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. So it is why you have to do so there's I think this is more work than when people have to go work on their IQ dist. I think this is harder work, I'll say that. But this is so rewarding because you have to really look at yourself. You have to actually really, really look at yourself, not other people.
The Quiz: Fixer, Minimizer, Or Regulator
SPEAKER_01Okay. Let's do a let's do a quick emotional intelligence quiz.
SPEAKER_02Because you want to see how smart I am with intelligent emotional intelligence.
SPEAKER_01Yes, and I want to I want to figure out where where I am in this process. You're low. Oh God. Here we go. When my child is upset, my first instinct is to A fix the problem immediately. B tell them it's not a big deal. C, pause, notice how I feel, then respond. D, feel overwhelmed and shut down. When my child is upset, my first instinct is to.
SPEAKER_02I would say it's C. I always pause, no matter what. So I have to kind of go with the pause because I always pause. Oh God.
SPEAKER_01I'm like, what can we do to get this little bastard back? Sweet. I'm failing already.
SPEAKER_02Number one, wrong. You're wrong. Doing it wrong. Okay. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_01So probably fix the problem immediately is probably what I try to do and tell them it's it's not that big of a deal. Oh God, I say that all the fucking time. True.
SPEAKER_02You can't have to stop saying it because every that's just and even if it's something you don't think it's a big deal, it could be a big deal to that person. So then that's the worst thing you can say is it's not a big deal. Well, to you, it maybe isn't a big deal. I do. I do freaking jerk.
SPEAKER_01I'm like, okay. Okay, so you something. Okay, emotional intelligence score. She's so dramatic sometimes. She's just very in her feelings. And so I'm like, okay. I say it more of like, it's not a life-changing, it's not a life-altering.
SPEAKER_02Like, I just Okay, so wait, so wait. So stop. If you were all of a sudden in a bad mood about something and you're all mad and freaking all in in your feelings, and I just said, oh my God, it's just, it's not a big deal though. Really, it's not a big deal. It's not how I say it. I'm like, then you would be like, screw you, Gina. It is a big deal. And I mean, I know I should be like this, but you don't understand. That'd be fine. Okay, next question, please.
SPEAKER_01When I feel anxious or overstimulated, I usually A power through and ignore it. B, snap or get short with people. C, name it and try to regulate myself. D, feel guilty for feeling that way.
SPEAKER_02That would be a C because I would try to regulate it. You have to figure out how to get yourself in the right frame of mind before think, before you speak.
SPEAKER_01When I feel anxious or overstimulated, I usually B snap and get short with people. Unless I'm at work, then I power through and ignore it. It's great. Neither neither answers are healthy or where I should be. That's fucking awesome. I don't like this quiz. When my child names a feeling, I A, correct them if I think they're wrong. B distract them so the feeling goes away. C validate it even when it's inconvenient. Or D feel uncomfortable and change the subject.
SPEAKER_02So validation is what everyone seeks in life. If you always start with validating someone, you will get way further with them at the end of the day, no matter what it is. So you always everybody seeks validation. So for sure, validate. I'm getting better at that. Do you do it?
SPEAKER_01I I am with with yes. I am getting better at that. I really feel like I am.
SPEAKER_02But everybody wants to value after I tell her it's validation. Because that validation is you want to be, you want to know the person heard you. For sure. That's why sometimes even when somebody says something, you're supposed to validate their feelings, then you almost should repeat what it is that they just like, you know, in a quick little version. Like, from what I understand, this is what you meant. Am I understanding you correctly? And then you move forward.
SPEAKER_01Okay. After I lose my cool as a parent, I A, pretend it didn't happen. B, beat myself up internally. C repair and apologize. D, avoid the situation altogether. Repair and apologize. I I am definitely doing that. I'm I'm definitely working on that as well. Where I'm like, okay, I lost my shit. This is why.
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02And that'd be better. I will say there's time. That's the thing about it. I think we have to, if we want our kids even to take, you know, responsibility for their own emotions, we have to take responsibility for ours.
SPEAKER_01For sure.
SPEAKER_02You know.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Big emotions in my house feel A, like emergencies, B, like something I failed at. C uncomfortable but manageable. D, completely overwhelming.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_01Big emotions in my house feel like emergencies, like something I failed at. Uncomfortable but manageable. Completely overwhelming.
SPEAKER_02Oh, uncomfortable but manageable.
SPEAKER_01Completely overwhelming. Okay. The results.
SPEAKER_02You lose. We're gonna read this gen point. We need to talk about emotional intelligence all for 2026.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So if you answered mostly A's, you're a fixer. You care deeply and want everyone okay now. Growth edge. Feelings don't need solutions, they need safety. Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01Mostly B's. You were taught to minimize emotions, yours included. Feelings aren't a weakness, they're information. Yep. Okay. Okay. Yep. Whatever. Here we are with Gina's mostly scenes. You're practicing emotional intelligence in real time. Give yourself credit. This work is this work is hard.
SPEAKER_02It is.
SPEAKER_01Mostly D's. Your nervous system is tired, not broken. Regulation starts with you getting support too.
SPEAKER_02So I would tell you that prior to me working on thinking things through differently and doing things differently, I would have been anywhere between the anywhere before I would have been more of a B or a D in those answers. I would have answered either more B's or D's.
SPEAKER_01Probably. But I'm all over the board except for anywhere I need to be.
The Power Of The Pause
SPEAKER_02I think what it is, is like, you know, and I I think we even said this before about, you know, there's power in the pause. Um, this is one thing, even in when you sell that um, or if you're negotiating, if you're a negotiator, there's power in the pause. And so if you and I are negotiating and I tell you, um, I'll give you$100, you're like, absolutely not, it's$200. And I'll say, I'll give you$150 and that's it. And then I pause. And then you have to decide if you're coming down or not, because you get uncomfortable in a pause and you feel the need to talk and answer. Because that's what everybody does. Everybody, most people, when you pause and just sit, people want to fill the gap. So they start talking. And that's usually how you win a negotiation. But it's how you win in everything. So if you pause, before you answer your kids, before you answer a coworker, before you answer whatever, and think it through before you react, you will begin the process of emotional intelligence. Pause, think, validate, regulate.
SPEAKER_01Well, there you go. This is a wrap. We covered it. I'm a fucking mess. We know that. Ay, ay, aye. Where do we begin? Where do we begin?
SPEAKER_02I do think though that there I will say 100% books for emotional intelligence are very helpful and almost necessary when you go through learning it. If you don't read books on emotional intelligence, it's way harder to do it. I think you have to have things that kind of like keep reminding you. And then, you know, like we've talked in the past even about like the affirmation affirmations in the morning, but like I tell you, it's more about being intentional. That's where emotional intelligence kind of like can give you ideas of things to talk about, what you need to do that day or what you need to work on that. You're right.
SPEAKER_01I think it starts with definitely starts with awareness.
SPEAKER_02Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01Notice before you fix. So emotional intelligence begins with noticing what's happening inside of you. What am I feeling now? Like sad, rage, rage. I feel like I lean towards the rage. I just want to throw punch someone.
Anxiety, Triggers, And Overload Tuesdays
SPEAKER_02Well, and I think it's also, you know, like when people have anxiety, they'll be like a lot of times they'll have anxiety, like um, I don't know, you hear people a lot of times will say, I have to sit closest to the door in case something bad happened. Or I have to, if I sit at a restaurant, face the door so I see if somebody's coming in or whatever, because ultimately people have anxiety from it. And I think those are the things where and then more people say, Well, why do you have anxiety? And everybody's answer typically, especially when they're young, is always, I don't know. They don't know. So, like that they don't stop to think about that kind of stuff. Like we're talking about what am I feeling? Why am I feeling it that way? You know what I mean? Like if you don't go through those processes, you'll never get control of your anxiety at all.
SPEAKER_01I'm just sitting here trying to think like I don't know why I'm anxious. I just fucking am.
SPEAKER_02Right, which is typical answer. People are anxious that they don't know why. So how do you figure it out? Because there are reasons why you're anxious. There's certain scenarios that make you anxious.
SPEAKER_01Because I'm always thinking worst case scenario.
SPEAKER_02Okay, but have you ever had where like I don't know, you walk into a room and it just you just feel different, like a different energy going through your body almost, like causing you anxiety. All the time. Okay, so what do you think that that is? And you know, I know your mind takes you to, well, I go to worst case scenario because I I went in this room and what's it's just like I say, people gotta look at the door, they gotta be closest to the door because I mean, worst case scenario, I'm gonna be in this room and somebody's gonna pull out a gun and kill me. I don't know. So, but there's more to it, like of why, like there's things that trigger people to have anxiety. And it's bigger than just simply, I don't know, I just always think something bad's gonna happen.
SPEAKER_01I don't know. For me lately, I feel like a lot of noise makes me anxious. So, like, if I mean we'll be if I will be sitting watching TV or something, and then the kid one of the kids is in there um on their phone, like a lot of background noise will make me very, very anxious. And I don't know if that's because I'm losing like I feel like I don't have control over the situation because there's so many things going on. Uh-huh. You know, we've established that I'm a control freak.
SPEAKER_02Um I don't know. I So if you're kind of on an overload.
SPEAKER_01Yes, it causes anxiety.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I just kind of feel like So if you like, so if you knew, like especially if you know a day's gonna be more overloaded or more chaotic or busier with people or something like that, do you start getting anxiety earlier?
SPEAKER_01Probably so. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'll look at my calendar and be like, fucking Tuesday's gonna suck. Fucking Tuesday, 952 people want to get me on a call. Here we go.
SPEAKER_02Fuck Tuesday. You know? Yeah. So okay, so see, that's where this stuff can come. It's where it helps you to calm it because you have to stop and take a deep breath. I'm really bad at it. And think about your Tuesday and how can you manage it more than shit, Tuesday's gonna suck. So when you wake up Tuesday morning, you know what you think when you wake up, it's fucking Tuesday. Fucking Tuesday.
SPEAKER_01Just gonna make it Tuesday. I even do that on vacation though. I'm like, okay, vacation's seven days. Three days are already gone. Like, I've got to make the most of these four days. Like, it's so bizarre. Like sometimes I just want my mind to shut the fuck up. Like, just shut the fuck up. And I think that's weird.
SPEAKER_02Because you gotta get it to say something different. That's the part you haven't figured out. You've just you're you don't just shut it up. You have to have it talk to you differently.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02I don't even know what you're doing. What you say, what your shit says is wrong.
SPEAKER_01So like stop talking about that. I don't I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to not wake up and be like, fuck Tuesday. Like Monday, you had three calls. Tuesday, you have fucking 17. How do you not dread Tuesday? Like, I don't know. Because I Tuesday is gonna be great. We're gonna have 17 calls and I'm gonna have 17 opportunities to learn something. Fuck that. I don't want to talk to anyone. Like, okay, my mind's fucked up, but that's great.
SPEAKER_02But you have to start, but at some point you want to make Tuesdays not, you're never gonna like say, oh my god, it's Tuesday. I'm freaking pumped because there are a lot of calls today. Like you're not, but you at least get into the point you'll be like, I just know Tuesdays just they are what they are. It's just it's a Tuesday. Tuesdays are just known. There are they're gonna be way more, you know, conference calls that don't even get on, but it'll be fine. We'll get through it. Sometimes maybe even go make a day but go by a little faster. Or, you know, what I really am interested in this one call that we're gonna have today. So I look forward to that one so that way the rest of them, eh, whatever. I'll get through that. You just have to like calm it down. You know what I mean? Yeah, everything doesn't have to be, nothing has to be like the worst or the most dramatic or the most, you know, whatever, right? It just has to be can we just take the noise down a notch and make it to where it just it's just Tuesday. You know what Tuesdays are. They suck ass with all these calls, but Tuesdays is the fucking worst day of the week. I'm just saying. Okay, but you have to say, but it's just Tuesday. But it's just Tuesday. After Tuesday, I'm a Wednesday on a Tuesday. Monday at least is great. I love Mondays. I'm just gonna get through Tuesday. It's fine. I'll get through Tuesday, it's fine. And now I'm gonna go on to Wednesday, Thursday, whatever the hell the rest of your week looks like, and then you can make it to where it's just Tuesday. It's not shitty Tuesday. It's not, oh my god, Tuesday. It's just Tuesday. Yeah, I guess. So about talking it through so that you calm it down, turn the noise down, get the overload in your brain, then zip it.
SPEAKER_01I think it comes a lot of and I yeah, Tuesday nights the kids stay with their dads overnight. So like I it it all plays into it, you know what I mean? Like I like having my kids under my roof. Yeah. Like, and so fuck Tuesdays. I just hate Tuesdays.
Reframing Self-Talk And Control
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I had I always had a hard time with that. I totally understand that. That's really um hard when you don't have your kids staying the night, and I don't know. I always had a hard time with that too. Yeah. It's uh it it definitely doesn't help. And if your Tuesday already is a Tuesday, you just gotta get the point though, you can say, we get through every week on Tuesdays, right? So far. Every day, every Tuesday you've gotten through it, so it's not it's not like it's it's just kind of a till the next one. Then I didn't.
SPEAKER_01She didn't fucking survive Tuesday. She knew what was gonna happen. She saw it coming.
SPEAKER_02On her tombstone. Well, you knew it was a Tuesday.
SPEAKER_01Now you guys have a clear picture of what happens in my brain. Like Tuesdays, just stay the fuck away from her because it was a for sure Tuesday.
SPEAKER_02There is nothing good that happens on a Tuesday. So just so you guys all know, if she passes away one day in her life and it's a Tuesday, I will make sure that that is put on her tombstone. Yes. It definitely was a Tuesday.
SPEAKER_01That's funny. We were just, Nora and I were just having that conversation because I was like, I need you to know that I want to be cremated and I want you to wear me as jewelry. And she's like, What? And I was like, for real, you can make really cool stuff out of my ashes. And she was like, You want me to wear you?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Okay, so this bringing this up, I think it was a show I was watching. I think it was a show I was watching or something, and they talked about something about that, and that this guy, like something about like gonna cremate his mother and then make her into like a ring, like it looked like a diamond ring, and then was gonna propose somebody that and I told him, turn to my husband, Mila, I said, listen, like I could wear jewelry, like a sp I could wear jewelry, like let's say it was my mom, my dad or something. I could definitely do that. Don't give me your mom's like ashes to put propos like that's fucking.
SPEAKER_01That would just be weird. That's just weird. I I would be like, okay, like that's that's I mean, I might tell why at that be like, I need you to make me into diamond ring that you propose with, so I'm always in your marriage. Like that's weird. Isn't that weird?
SPEAKER_02But you can be made a tree, I'd be planted at somebody's house. They could do that, or you can be made a vase, but you know what worries me about a vase? You'll somebody'll shatter it one day and just throw me in the trash. She was hard.
SPEAKER_01No on the vase. Like she was a hard no on that. I can't be on her, I can't be on her mantle looking at her. That was no for her. And I just said, Well, I don't know your financial situation. I would like you to make part of me jewelry. And I would like you to either take, depending on your financial situation, release me, part of me into the ocean, or table rock, like if you have to drive and you can't fly because you can't afford it. I'm like, whatever works for you, I'm happiest by water. So whether that's table rock, whether that's the ocean. And she just looked at me like, you are out of control. But it's because of that stupid, I and I call it a stupid show. It was actually a very, very good show. The big sea. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um The Big C on Netflix, if you haven't checked it out.
SPEAKER_02It's very good.
SPEAKER_01It is very good.
SPEAKER_02Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01Spoiler alert, the ending is fucking sad. And I was so mad at Gina. And I even told my mom, I'm like, you can watch this, but just so you know. It's sad. It's so fucking sad. I was so sad. Yeah. And so that's what that's why we were having the conversation then about Yes.
SPEAKER_02About the ju what to do with you. Well, see, so I I always and in my family, anyways, they've always talked the minute that you're born, you begin to die. Like that was always kind of like how oh, okay, don't give. With life, there's death. Like, so some days we're supposed to have positive everything, and other days it's just like you're just here till you're pass away. Um the the good thing to that was the fact that it did make me, it always makes me understand like you should kind of think about things you would want to have happen to take care of for whatever, and it not be so stressful. You know what I mean? Like somebody who had never thought about it or talk about it can get put in that position and it's very overwhelming. So at least for me, it's not, you know, it's not that bad. But I definitely always wanted to be cremated. But that's why I told I had told Tom, I'm like, well, when he was had his heart attacks, I was like, Well, just so you know, I had already planned, I was gonna cremate you. We hadn't talked about it, but because he doesn't really talk about that stuff so much. And I said, But that was happening. Like you were gonna have to come home with me. And how did he respond? And he was like, Oh, well, um, you know, he was a little like taking back because he was like, I didn't realize I was being cremated. I said, Well, you were because I had to take you home. I I said, I just thought of the people who go to a grave site and watch them so sadly walk away. And I said, It just was one of those things where I'm like, I can't do it. I said, I would have had to bring you home.
Grief, Rituals, And Values Drift
SPEAKER_01This is where I think that I was just born with a fucked up brain because like people don't think about it. And like, if I were to call Brad over here right now and be like, Do you want to be cremated or are you gonna be buried? He would look at me like I was fucking insane. But like, this is what I think about. And and for my grandma, so my grandma when she died. Which she had had um lymphoma that she fought and she beat. And I think I don't know if she was this prepared prior to that or if that kind of made her get prepared. But when she passed away, she had a freaking roadmap. Like, she wrote her own obituary for God's sakes. Like she wanted the blue dress in the closet, and there wasn't a question what blue dress it was. She wrote because her family tree is large, so like there wasn't, like, obviously, we added some stuff in there, but like it was all planned out, planned out to the amount that she knew that she wanted each of her grandkids to get like everything, and like that was inspiring to me because like hopefully my kids are sad when the time comes. And God I pray every single day that they bury me, right? Um, but I want to be very planned out, but some people just don't think like that. Also, I've been very open about growing up and being Catholic. Catholics do not believe in cremation. And I don't get it because from dust you came to dust you shall return. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So like why does it that's why I don't understand it either. You it isn't some people have told me, well, like if you do, like even if you donate, then you might come back without a leg. And I'm like, what are you calling? I'm not even gonna be a human being. Like, and my this body is a vessel that I'm in and I'm borrowing basically, because my soul is what goes to heaven, you know what I mean? So it makes no sense to me. So I don't and I was raised Catholic, so was my husband. So I think he was a little bit like, oh, you were cremating me.
SPEAKER_01Okay. He's like, fuck, I was in the furnace before I even knew before I was even dead, she had me in the furnace.
SPEAKER_02But they don't, I don't know why they don't believe it, because it doesn't make sense to me from dust to dust, you know. Yeah, I mean, hello. I mean, that's what we're gonna be. And if you're in the ground, you eventually become you. I mean, it's really what happens to you anyway. So I don't really know why it matters.
SPEAKER_01That grosses me out. Like, and I know I don't care because like I hopefully, God willing, will be in heaven. And like, I don't care what happens to my body, but it still is gross. Bugs like eating the worms in your eyeballs, like yeah, up your nose and in your brain.
SPEAKER_02Like, I just don't. I have is that the whole thing freaks me out. Or being claustrophobic. I'm club become definitely, as I get older, claustrophobic, and so it really freaks me out anyway.
SPEAKER_01So, like that this whole thing, it just isn't like oh yeah, pay 10 grand. Like, okay, I don't pay 10 grand for a couch that I lay on every day. Like, you're gonna pay 10 grand to put me in a fucking box.
SPEAKER_02Like, so and I would be the person if you if you did put me in a box, I'm not gonna get don't dress me up in some stuffy dress that I never wanted to wear anyways. Like, put me in some comfy ass shit that you've seen me walk around in all the time.
SPEAKER_01Okay, okay, okay. But like I want for the record, anyone listening, and now it's documented, so you can always go back to this episode and know that I want to be cremated because like I don't want to be buried in a bra. But if I'm in the like casket with my tit, like my knee, I'm gonna have a problem with that too, right? So, like, I don't know, just cremate me and don't. But I did just look it up because I've never really gotten I've never really understood, but historically, the Catholic Church opposed cremation mainly for theological and cultural reasons, not because cremation itself was seen as sinful. So it's not sinful belief in the resurrection of the body. So Catholic teachings hold that the human body is sacred, and at the end of time, God will raise the body and soul together. So we're just gonna be little souls floating around why everybody else has their bodies, and I don't want this body in heaven. Like I want a hot mom bot in heaven. So it believes your body goes up there. Catholic teachings hold that the human body is sacred and at the end of time God will raise the body and soul to for centuries, cremation was associated with the denial of resurrection, anti-Christian or secular movements that rejected bodily resurrection. So cremamin was often chosen specifically to reject reject Christian belief, which is why the church opposed it. Catholics believe that the body is not just a shell, it mattered during life and it still matters after death.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I believe that too. It does matter. And I whether I'm eaten by worms and bugs or whatever. Not if you're supposed to take it with you. Did you see a body come out the boxes of anybody in your family that you ever know? Still in there. Are they? They're still in there. There's people who have been dug up again to be investigated, and they're still in there. Why are there bones still in there?
SPEAKER_01Oh, wait, okay, okay, okay. We're moving on here. I didn't get to this part.
Email Tone, Boundaries, And Regulation At Work
SPEAKER_02This is supposed to be about emotional intelligence, but let's go ahead and school you guys on some stuff about religion. Okay, go on.
SPEAKER_01I don't even know how we got here, but we're continuing on because this is important. In 1963, the church officially changed its stance in 1963. Okay. Today the Catholic Church allows cremation as long as it is not chosen to deny Christian beliefs. Correct. The remains are treated with dignity. Correct. Check. This change was reaffirmed after the second Vatican Council often referred to the Okay. Okay, so I'm doing it and we're all good. Yeah, we're totally good. But we'll see. Okay, because see, it does say Catholic teaching says cremated remains should not be scattered, should not be kept at home, should not be turned into jewelry objects. Ashes should be kept together, placed in a cemetery.
SPEAKER_02Okay, that's fine. Bury my ashes. Okay, well he okay, so here's here's one thing. Um, I I wanted to keep Tom's ashes till I passed, so then the kids could put me and him somewhere in a box somewhere, like in a and put us at like a funeral home or whatever, just together. I wonder if you can do that. I didn't go, obviously. We are there, so I didn't have to go that far to find that out. And I hope that that does not happen for the next 35 years. But the reality of it is is that that was my thought was you know, can we dump together and put in a box?
SPEAKER_01Okay, so Nora doesn't have to wear me as jewelry. That's a real bummer. But no, I just wanna I just wanna say, I don't know how I I still sitting here don't know how we went from emotional intelligence to this, but I am here for it. Um one of my dad's very good friends, um, his whole life is a funeral. What what is the word I'm looking for? Funeral. It's not funeral director, uh, but that's not the word I'm a mortician. Oh, okay. Is that what it is? I don't know. Whatever. But he said the visit, it's not for you. Obviously.
SPEAKER_02It's not. That's why when you ask me, you've asked me in a past thing before, like who if I when I think about like people coming, I told you I don't care who the hell comes. It's for my family.
SPEAKER_01If I'm up there and no one comes, and see, this whole thing is about my fucking anxiety of not have like nobody will come to my funeral, so that's why I want to be cremated.
SPEAKER_02But what is a what uh who cares if they show up to your here's the thing I want I want people there for my family to support my family. So whoever my kids or my husband are gonna be cremated. Or are we gonna do a no you black people still do like a I you're gonna celebrate my life. Have a party. A celebration of life. Yeah. You guys still celebrate and do a little crying. At least I want to know that they, you know, my family, my kids. My mom's gone. Like at least I gotta say a little, can I say a couple tears? That's all I need. Because if they don't, I'm a I might haunt you. I'll rattle the your I'll rattle your house a little and they'll be like, what is that? It's your mother.
SPEAKER_01It's your mother. Okay, so trying to get a little bit back on track here. I do I think I think a lot of things in my life are because of like anxiety and worry.
SPEAKER_02Right. Which is ultimately, because this totally took us off base. Which is why you're not emotionally intelligent, which is why it tells you that if you worked on emotional intelligence, you will actually greatly fix a lot of your anxiety. Truth. You will actually just be happier in dealing with other people and helping raising your kids and having relationships. I just think it's easier. I I feel like and any more like I don't feel like I get I can get angry. Like it's not like I don't ever get angry, but I mean the percentage of time that I ever get angry in life compared to what I did prior to working on emotional intelligence is completely different. And I think it's just because I guess I realize that you stop and think, does it really matter? And then when you do talk about it, you can talk you stuck you think a little bit more and you talk about it a little differently, causing yourself to not get so wound up or invested in getting angry or upset or bothered. And I think in turn you you're more worried about uplifting everybody else, which in turn helps you feel better. I think when you do good things, you feel better, happier.
SPEAKER_01You know, my goal in life is to be is to have peace. And I think that emotional intelligence equals peace because when you're emotionally ignorant like I am, there isn't a lot of peace because everything's always amplified times a thousand. Yes. And I'm sick of being amplified times a thousand about everything. Like I will never find peace that way. Like I gotta learn to to go with the flow, or as you've said in previous, not sweat the small stuff.
SPEAKER_02Well, I think that's the thing, is it's about it is, but it's like I do think it's about uh the pause, pausing, thinking it through. Um, I have a girl that I work with actually, and it's funny because we'll she'll somebody say something to her and she'll get like, okay, seriously, like that's really ticked me off what this person emailed or said or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I've just realized I just need to call you, and then you talk me through it, and then I say something much different than what I would have said otherwise. And I'm always like, okay, well, I don't know what the big deal is. There's not much to me that's a big deal.
unknownYeah.
Tools, Books, And Testing Your EQ
SPEAKER_02Like it used to be where everything would be like, what? Are you kidding me? And I but I did have a day where I called her, I said, Okay, I'm not kidding you, I must be in a bad mood today. And she's like, What I go, because everybody's starting to piss me off. These emails are getting on my nerves. I go, it's gotta be me. It has to be me because I don't get that aggravated. And once I like talked to her just for a few minutes, kind of talked it out a little bit. I went back and read the emails and I didn't see them the same way. Like, you know what I mean? Like it really you choose how you read an email. That's why I hate emails. People are so highly offended by an email because they read it the way they feel, not the way that person is. So somebody could say something and it'll say, you know, you know, like Gina sent me this email, and Kibelus said, Kylie, do you know? You know what I mean? And they'll tell tell they'll read you the email in their way that they see what you wrote. When really I maybe I just wrote to you and said, Kylie, did you know? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so to me, that's what I said to you is Kylie, did you know? Yeah. I mean for sure. So that's why, like, I just so I when I'm in a bad mood, that is the only time that I ever take an email, and I do have to take a few minutes after I read one that makes me mad. I do always take a few minutes for a little bit. Then I go back and I read it again after I've calmed myself down a little bit. And then a lot of time nine times out of ten, I'm usually like, it's not that bad. Now, if people have said something I don't like, I will respond, but I'm much more professional about the way I always stay very professional about whatever I would respond because there's no reason that I'm trying to be ignorant, but I don't mind letting you know that you're wrong. But I do it in a very kind, manip man, not manipulative, sorry, but a very kind, professional way. So that that way it all just ends. I just want it to end. I don't really want to get in an argument or anything with anybody, but I'm not ever, especially at work, I am not ever rude to anyone or mean to anybody. I don't tolerate very well an ignorant email to me because I'm not until I'm ignorant to you, I don't talk to you that way. We don't talk that way. You know what I mean? Right. And I I think that's not and then that just even turns me into like my daughter. My daughter and I will talk about different things and I'll say, hey, I just want to let you know something's you know bugging me. Maybe it's like her friends come over and there's certain things they're doing. I'm like, this just kind of bugs me, and I'm like, I just want to talk to you about it. And then I always tell her, because the one thing you know that you and I have, you have respect for me, I have respect for you. As long as we keep that, you and I will never have a problem. Now, if we lose that, then it's another ballgame. Right. You know what I mean? And that's how I feel, especially at work, even. I'll be like, you get an email, I'll be like, okay, lady, I'll give you one time you can be ignorant to me and I'm very polite and professional back. Don't do it again. Because I don't put it like that. I don't you don't get to talk to me that way. There's no reason to. But I think that the anxiety definitely can stop start from even reading an email the way you choose to read it. Does not always mean that that's how they intended it. For sure. You know what I mean? I don't know. Emotional intelligence is a big one. Definitely, it's very, very hard. And it is a lot of work. And I do think that there's some good books out there for people to read. Um, and I really did like that emotional intelligence 2.0. I did really enjoy that one. It was fun.
SPEAKER_01We'll have to post. We'll have to post a link to that book. Yeah. And we'll have to take it off the shelf, dust it off, and read it.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah. I we must have, I think we went to We went to a corporate thing of training. Training, and they gave us the books that we were supposed to read.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, there's a bunch of them. Emotional intelligence 2.0, leadership 2.0. Yep. Like that company leadership fucking 1.0. I don't know why they're giving me leadership 2.0. Motherfuckers, take a step back, you ignorant bastards. I am no longer under contract with said company. And I can say whatever I want, motherfuckers. Um that'll be for a later episode, but I am so happy that my shackles are gone and they can't send me hateful mail anymore.
SPEAKER_02But they did have some books, and I that actually, because that company that they used for training was separate from them anyways, and so I think that that group of people had definitely some good um some good things like that. There were some good books that they gave.
SPEAKER_00Yes, there's another one up there that says Strength Finder 2.0.
SPEAKER_02Probably another good one. Probably another good one. But we definitely have to post an emotional intelligence 2.0. It's not a long book. It's a little bit, it's an easy read. And I I'm almost positive that one had like a test in the beginning of the book. And it just it's kind of nice. It's eye-opening, kind of helps go through the whole process. Um, I think having a test that you do take and then seeing where you live.
SPEAKER_01We'll post the we'll post the quiz we kind of went through too to find out that I am emotionally ignorant. Yes. And working on it.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_01That's what this season's all about is where we go and how we grow.
Safe Homes, Imperfect Moms, Stronger Families
SPEAKER_02Yes. Getting better every day so that we can be better for our kids and our family and teach our kids how to be emotionally intelligent.
SPEAKER_01Emotionally intelligent. So they don't throat punch someone or you know. We don't want that. Violence is not the answer always. No. Sometimes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02But not always. I think it has a lot to do with it just making our kids feel good about who they are and always know that when they come home, that that's the one very safe place that they have to be to be themselves, and they're always accepted and can all and always have a voice. And we can talk through anything, we can make it through anything. Our family together is stronger than as individuals. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01And that's yeah, that's that's the biggest thing for me, is just them knowing that I am this is their safe space. And if we need to cry about it, scream about it, whatever that it is, like as long as we get to the place we need to be in that they know that that they can come to me for anything, then I'm winning. I really am.
SPEAKER_02I agree. So if you take one thing from this episode, let it be this emotional intelligence isn't taught in calm moments, it's built in the messy ones. You're not feeling because your house is loud or your kid is emotional, or you feel dysregulated sometimes. You're teaching your kids that feelings are safe, that connection matters more than control.
SPEAKER_01And that starts at home with imperfect moms doing their best. You're not in this alone. Welcome to the village.
SPEAKER_02Thanks for spending time with us.
SPEAKER_01Take what you need, leave what you don't, and be gentle with yourself. And if you want to stay connected, follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok at the ARMC. And remember, you're not broken, you're becoming. We'll see you next time.