Raising Confident Kids, Not Perfectionists

Let’s be honest: watching our kids struggle can feel unbearable, especially when anxiety whispers that a stumble means something is wrong. We’re flipping that script. Together we unpack how confidence actually grows—through safe failure, effort-first praise, and small experiments that let kids be beginners while we stand close by.

We start with the core distinction between performance and learning. Outcome-based praise sounds kind but often trains kids to avoid risk. We offer practical, effort-centered language that builds a growth mindset in real life: noticing persistence, curiosity, and strategy instead of labels like “smart.” From there, we share stories about trying new things—picking up a tennis racket, pivoting to pickleball, and finding movement and creative outlets that discharge stress and create “hard, then possible” memories kids can use later in school and work.

Work ethic becomes the bridge between childhood challenges and adult resilience. We talk about consistency, showing up on time, and taking feedback without shame. We connect the dots between physical milestones (like conquering a pull-up) and mental grit for homework, jobs, and creative goals. Along the way, we address our anxious urge to over-cushion, which can quietly undermine confidence. Instead, we offer scripts you can use today: “It’s okay to feel upset. What do you want to try next?” “Mistakes help us learn. This isn’t the end.” “You don’t have to be perfect to be proud of yourself.”

This conversation is warm, real, and practical, grounded in the everyday mess of parenting while aiming at long-term strength. If you’ve been craving tools to raise resilient, confident kids without feeding perfectionism, you’ll leave with simple lines to say, small challenges to try, and a renewed belief that presence beats perfection. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs this, and drop a review with the effort-based praise you’re trying at home—we want to hear what works for your family.

Transcript

Setting The Mission For Confidence

SPEAKER_01 0:01

You're listening to the Anxiety Ridden Moms Club, the podcast for moms who love their kids deeply and still feel anxious, exhausted, and overstimulated.

Safe Failure Over Perfection

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Here, we talk about the messy stuff, the thoughts we don't say out loud, the pressure to do it all, and the journey back to ourselves. Progress over perfection always. Let's go. Hey everyone. Welcome back to the Anxiety Ridden Moms Club, the village where we're honest about the stuff no one warned us about. And today we're talking about raising kids, confident kids, without accidentally raising perfectionists. Because so many of us are trying to not repeat what we grew up with pressure, expectations, approval tied to performance, but our anxiety sneaks in and creates a whole new set of problems.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Yeah, like we don't want to mess them up. So we try to control everything. Letting kids fail is brutal for anxious moms, like physically uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

Because when our kids struggle, our brain goes straight to something is wrong. Let's fix it immediately. But confidence doesn't come from getting it right every time.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

It comes from learning.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

I can mess up and I'll survive. Safe failure doesn't mean throwing them into chaos. It means staying present without rescuing.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Like letting them forget their homework once, letting them struggle through a problem, letting disappointment happen.

Praising Effort, Not Outcomes

SPEAKER_00 1:27

And showing them I'm here, you're safe, you don't need to be perfect. Let's talk about praise because not all praise builds confidence.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

Yeah, there's there's such a difference between you're smart and you worked really hard on that.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

When praise is tied to outcomes, kids learn that love and approval come after performance.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

And then they stop trying things they might not be good at.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

So instead of praising results, we focus on effort, persistence, and curiosity.

Growth Mindset Made Practical

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Because confidence isn't I always win. It's I can try even if I don't. So okay, let's get into this whole thing. Because my mind's just kind of like, I don't know, spinning about this subject. Oh yeah? Tell me more. Um I don't know. I like I I think even saying like the growth mindset sounds trendy, you know, but really in real life it's actually like I don't know, it it's actually really simple. But I think it's hard to sometimes teach others that it's simple. Like to teach our kids like it's okay to fail. Because if you aren't failing, you aren't growing. Or you're not trying. Or you're not trying, you're not growing. Any of those things. Like realistically, like, you know, people who are like, you know, millionaires and billionaires, they didn't just because it do it, because they never failed. A lot of people have lots of they're you know, make tons of money, they have failed businesses. Because the reality of it is you have to do all that you you try and you fail, you try and you fail, you try and you fail. So that way you become better. Just as long as you keep getting back up. Right, exactly. Just like mistakes. Mistakes aren't a really an issue unless you didn't learn from the mistake. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and over, what is that? The the definition of uh insanity. It's the same kind of concept, you know what I mean? So like I just think that for I don't know, we gotta like figure out how to build that confidence in our kids and not have them shy away from it because they either have to be great at something or they don't try. And yet if you don't try, you don't grow. So what do you do to get your kids to try something new or ever have do you ever have them put in situations of like we're gonna try this? It's something totally new.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

Yeah, I just bought a tennis racket.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

Oh, you did?

SPEAKER_00 3:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

It's true, it's happening.

unknown 4:00

It's happening.

SPEAKER_01 4:01

Who's playing it?

SPEAKER_00 4:03

Me and Nora.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_00 4:05

Well, that was and my mom. That was the intention. But then through conversation, we learned that maybe we should try pickleball because the courts are small and we won't die.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

Yeah, I um I even tried tennis when I was young with a friend or something like that. We'd play it and I oh my god, it's hard. It's hard. Everybody looks like dink, tink, no, with the ball. And it's not, it's so hard that whole court's.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

If you're not growing, you're uncomfortable. Or if you're uncomfortable, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

If you're not uncomfortable, you're not growing. That's for sure. If you're comfortable, if you're comfortable, you're not growing.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

Yes. So in 2026, I want to try things. I've told you I wanted to find freaking hobby. Well, pickleball is becoming big, so do that. I know. So we're gonna try pickleball, but now I have a tennis racket. I don't know. I don't know. It was like$3.99 at Ross. And so I was like, let's take up tennis. My mom's like, okay. It's just anything to like get us active and get us moving, but also like I want Nora to have an outlet. Like, I don't know. We've talked about this over and over and over again. Like, I was so consumed by my career that I don't know what I enjoy, like outside of that. And so I'm learning, and so I have to try different things. And like, no, I'm not gonna be a tennis pro. But also, like, Nora really, really thoroughly enjoyed gymnastics, and then the place she went to gymnastics with closed, and so my mom's like, play volleyball, and she's like, I don't want to play. And so we're just trying things, yeah. So, like the two of us together are just trying to learn what we like, what we like, and what we enjoy, and whether that's tennis or pickleball or something else in the end, yeah. It it is what it is, something like that.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

But I think that's good, but I think that's really good because I think it's a that that's kind of the whole point is to get out of your comfort zone.

Trying New Hobbies Together

SPEAKER_00 5:49

I really want somebody to open one of those um gyms where you like hang from the ceiling and bounce all over the place. What are those with the Oh I know they're like a bungee cord kind of thing in the house? I really want to do that. If anyone listening wants to, that would be freaking awesome. But no, it's just finding things that we not only that we enjoy, because we've talked about things that make us happy and things, but like one that we enjoy that make us move our asses and an outlet. Like a good outlet to when you're frustrated, like take it out on the punching bag, take it out on like something, you know, we go for walks, but like something more. I also want to go to one of those um smash rooms where you just fucking smash shit because I think that would I not heard of those. Yeah, they're like destruction rooms where you go and you pay money and you can take a fucking sledgehammer to walls and plates and throw plates and glasses and seriously? Oh yeah, it's like a rage room. I think that's what they're called. Rage rooms. You know how much fun I would have? I don't know. My family's always like, You're angry. I'm not angry, dude. I just got a lot of pent-up shit in here, and I don't know what to do with it. I need an outlet.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

I do think though, I I think um having something to try different. I just think it's I think it's cool.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

But how do you not do that without so like I bought a handgun because I wanted, I'm like, I'll go to the range and I will like pew pew things until I feel better. And then I went with my boyfriend and he's like, You're holding it wrong, you're doing this wrong. Like, I like whatever. And then I just got frustrated because I wasn't fucking great at it.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

Yeah. And now I don't do it anymore. But see, that's the point. You're never great at something you don't know.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

In his defense, he was like, You cannot, you have to take your finger off the trigger when you you're not shooting things. But it was like, I'm whatever. I need something that's not deadly.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

I don't think I could kill anyone with pickleball.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

Well, and pickleball is becoming so popular that there's there's so many places to do it, um, so many different things opening up. It's not overly expensive even when you go get a court or something like that. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 8:04

Like sister-in-law's like, we have courts in town, and I was like, She's like, Yeah, at the and I said stoner park and she said skater park all at the same time. Like, so we use the park for different things. Um it was the stoner park when I was in high school. It was the skater park when she was in high school. So I don't know what kind of park it is now, but they have pickleball apparently.

SPEAKER_01 8:24

Yeah. Well, I even actually went with uh this one girl, she was starting to try to learn it and whatever, and um there was like one or there's two courts, I think it was. She's like, oh, just meet me up there, maybe we'll try it or something. And those people that were on the court, because it's just not nothing that you don't like rent the time or anything like that, and it's only the two courts in a park. Like, I'm like, okay, I'm not sitting here for hours waiting for them to leave. Like, you know what I mean? So it kind of sucks, but um, but it's huge anymore. I mean, uh at least it to learn it. I think there's a lot to learn, and if you're you know, find out at least if you like it or not, and don't the the paddles and all that stuff can get very expensive, and they do the paddle matters. My dad plays a lot. He doesn't play as much now as he used to, but he used to play for hours on end a day, loved every minute of it. But he would tell you the paddle matters. The paddle matters, huh? Yes, it matters. But I um I do think it's cool though. I think it's neat you guys are gonna do something different because she needs to do something just out of the norm and good for you and good for your mom. Building some confidence in your daughter and in you, make you uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

I'm gonna be a freaking pickleball star with a fucking tennis racket that I bought from a rock.

SPEAKER_01 9:36

Okay, so you know we talked about we've talked about before about like sometimes we need to be putting our phones down. So that's a time that you need to have the phone up, and I want to see some of this pickleball.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

God, I'll let you know when we ever take up actual pickleballs, like I'd rather go shopping. I don't know. Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

But I I do think that's the only way you get your kids to start realizing that life is bigger than what we even know. Like, you know, if you if you stay comfortable and you don't try anything and we don't build on their confidence and everything, you stay in a very simple life.

Outlets For Anxiety And Energy

SPEAKER_00 10:14

And that's okay too. That's that's where I struggle because you've got to be content with what you have, but like you want to strive to be better and do more too. And there's so much more life out there, but like you don't want them to be able to learn to be chasing yeah, you don't want them to always be stuck on chasing more to where they don't enjoy what they have.

SPEAKER_01 10:35

It's a that's a little slippery slope, I guess. I I think that's the thing, is I think that you get it, I think the thing is about just making sure they always know there's a big world out here and there's a lot of things to try. Just don't be scared to try it so that you don't ever wish later that you tried something that you didn't. You know what I mean? Like people will talk about, you know, do you ever, you know, oh, you got any regrets from when you were younger, or do you wish you would have done something when you were younger? You know what I mean? I think there's a lot of people who tell you, even by the time they're in their forties or 50s, would be like, Yeah, you know, I really wish I would have done this or done that. You know what I mean? Like, not that they have a list of 25 things, but that they have at least a couple things, they're like, I just wish I would have gotten out of my comfort zone.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

I think for me it's follow your dreams, but have a backup plan.

SPEAKER_01 11:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

You know what I mean? Like have a contingency plan that if you don't end up like Taylor Swift, that you have a nursing degree to fall back on or something. You know what I mean? Like I want them to chase their dreams and I want them to do whatever it is that they want to do. Um, but at the same time, I want them to be realistic and not get caught with their pants down at some point, like if their singing career doesn't take off or they have something they can do.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

Well, and that's the thing. I don't think that's I I don't think the reality of it's like trying all these different things doesn't mean be uh what's those what are those people that like everything has to be like like almost on the verge of death. They try it all, like they're they're like addicted, yeah, like they're addicted to all that like adrenaline junkies. Yeah, like uh that's not what we're trying to like, you know, get out get our kids to be doing. I mean, I that would just make me nervous like every day.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

A lot of that changes, I feel like when you have kids, because like I used to love I used to be an adrenaline junkie, like I probably would have jumped out of a plane. I I loved adrenaline, I loved roller coasters, I love Tower of Terror at Disney, and then like you have kids and it's like, oh my god, I don't need anyone falling out of the sky that quick. Like it's crazy what kids do or change you as far as like no, stay two feet on the ground at all times.

Balancing Ambition And Contentment

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Like yes. Uh-uh. Life is way scarier when you have kids. You're yeah, like you just think like the world is just like nothing bad's gonna happen to you, and life's just whatever, and no worries, no cares. Then you get older and you're like, Oh my god, did the did you lock that door? My husband, who's never been paranoid about that, he's like, Okay, you've turned me into you. He's like, I've locked all the doors. I even checked the side door, I did this, I did that, and I'm like, Good, I can sleep. He goes, You can trust me. I did it all. Can I do that? Or do you have to recheck it? I used to recheck it, and now I do trust him. Because he's gotten the point where I I know he wants it now done. Like he's now checking it for himself. It's not like, oh yeah, yeah, I gotta do it for Gina, because then you don't, you're not always 100% checking. But when you do it for yourself, then I know I can trust he's doing it now.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

But it all goes full circle because that's all anxiety, like because you have anxiety that someone's going to kidnap you in the middle of midnight or gotta quiet the voices. How do we quiet the voices?

SPEAKER_01 13:33

It's hard, but I do think that confidence helps deal with a lot of problems. I think it helps our kids to get through the rough ages of middle school and high school. You know, the more confident kids definitely are better. But I also think you gotta be careful because if you tell tell the kids, like, you know, oh, you're just so smart, oh, you're just so great. There's always those fine lines and everything, too. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 13:56

Yeah, because I'm not, I don't love the everybody gets a trophy. No. Like there are winners and losers, and I feel like being competitive makes you successful in life. Like you have to have that competitive, we know from our former our former life, like you have to have that competitive itch. You have to have that itch that makes you want to be quote unquote better than other people, just like us with this podcast. Like, we want to be better, we want to be the best. Um, but I think it's the willingness to grow and learn and to not always think that's where the arrogance piece kind of comes in that we talked about a few episodes. Like, you want to learn and you want to strive to be the best, but you also have to have some humility and know that you aren't the best and take feedback where feedback is given.

SPEAKER_01 14:40

And well, and I I that's the whole thing is I just even like in talking about this. I think that we've, you know, this is our third season. There's lots to learn. Lots to learn. So I mean, like I know that at the end of the day, there's still more to learn to be better, to get better, to have the content be a certain way. You have to learn it. And there's a lot of people who would shy that they do shy away if it's different things because it's, you know, other people listening, what do they think? And then they can get caught up in that, or you know, man, I didn't like that episode, it wasn't my favorite. You know what I mean? And then is that make me a failure? When to me, I just look at it as it's all about growing. Everything, you know. I'm sure there's episodes that people listen to that they love, and episodes they listen to, they're like, Yeah, yeah, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

I'm the biggest butthead because I'll be like, didn't like it. Didn't like it, scratch it, start over. You're like, they don't all have to be your favorite. No, but I get super disappointed when they're not because I'm like, you know.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Which is good though, it's what drives you to keep moving. You know what I mean? Like you have to say, okay, it wasn't my favorite, we could do better. Right. You know, and I think that's true of everything. I just think it's like if people would just try something that they're scared of, sometimes just might open something that they in themselves, even if it doesn't grow to be huge, like the person thinks, that at least it just opens up that confidence of like maybe it takes you in a different direction that you never even imagine. The door never would have been open to you if you hadn't tried something different. You know what I mean? Even pickleball might try something in pickleball, it may not be your thing, but it turns you guys to something else, and all of a sudden Nora flies off it to do something completely amazing. You know what I mean?

Confidence, Humility, And Feedback

SPEAKER_00 16:13

I just bought a tennis racket and now I've already moved on from tennis to pickleball. Like, how did that happen? I'm like, but I was willing to learn when people are like the courts are smaller. I'm like, okay, let's that's probably where we need to start.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 16:28

Yes, and I want them I I want them to find their own niche, their own hobbies, their own things that make them happy. But I'm super pumped if we can find things that we can do together. Yeah. Um even crafting and different things like that. It's just taking an interest in in other things, and it's it's it's nice to have time to be able to do that kind of stuff. Um yeah, I definitely have to uh get my head out of Netflix because I know to watch.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

Well, and we definitely we get way into it during these next couple months because it's cold outside and nothing to do, and I just like a fire going and the TV rolling. Those are like my favorite weekends, just leave me alone. I just want to do this. But um, I definitely want to make sure, especially during this winter too, that I do a couple other things to, I don't know. Like my daughter actually likes some different crafts, and I'm like, I think I want to see if there's something she wants to go and like learn, like a craft, just like a one-time even, let's learn this particular thing, you know, like those doormats or something.

SPEAKER_00 17:33

Pottery wheel. Why don't you make me something nice?

SPEAKER_01 17:35

In pottery? I am not a pottery girl. That was so no.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

We were gonna take up reading too. So we gotta work on that.

SPEAKER_01 17:41

Oh, yeah, I gotta freaking read too.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

You're gonna read the Bible.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

I I am gonna do that. I am gonna do that. I actually realized I was like, oh shit, it's January 3rd. I'm supposed to start. So, but I am going to do that. That's a daily thing, and then um read books because I told you I'm purchasing this book. So Unfuck Yourself is our first book, and I am starting it. And I am then, and I looked at another book that I'm considering for our next one, but I gotta I'll get all that fit in too. But I gotta 100,000 percent. I always like to focus something that I'm gonna do with my daughter. Yeah. And so, like, there's been like there's different things. There'll be like a class for like, you know, two hours. You just come to this one class or something and learn, I don't know, some sort of crafty shit.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

Nora loves together too. She told me she's like, Baking makes me happy.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

Oh, like therapy. They have a lot of classes like you can take for like mother-daughter classes for a cooking class or something. For sure. And just go like one Saturday or something.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

Yeah, and if it helps build the confidence, because that's what it all I just I want her to be a competent human being. I don't want her to be an asshole, but I wanted her to have the confidence to know that she is the best version of herself and that she's gonna keep growing and learning, and it's okay to suck at things and just keep keep trying. And why it's more of a like go with the flow, like fuck it kind of out. Like he just he does whatever, he's content doing whatever, and she's more the one that's like you can just tell she's she's dying to find something that lights her on fire. Um, and I want to help her, I want to help her do that.

Letting Kids Explore And Fail

SPEAKER_01 19:12

Well, and I think so um, like so Casey has two boys, and they are three and five. So he take they um they own a gym. Freedom Fitness is the gym that they own. And uh, so it's a I mean obviously a huge part of their life, huge part with the kids. So they actually even got their boys involved in this ninja. It's a ninja kind of class or but it's really like reminds you of like um what's that show with all the obstacles on it? Um god, there's like one where they get they get hit down hard, but then there's other ones with just obstacle course, basically. And so basically that's what this place has, is it's a huge obstacle course kind of thing. Like a nit, yeah. And so they do that, which tremendously helps their their um confidence because they'll try any of it. If they fail, they fail, they just keep trying it, and all of a sudden then they beat that one, you know what I mean? And then at home, he actually built like this downstairs kind of ninja thing. So it's like all these rings and bars and stuff that hang from the ceiling that you can go from one to the next and then you can do a climbing wall, and it's just a whole complete setup in his basement. But the kids love it, and you've what I've we've able to watch as they'd video them how much they've grown and how their strength is. And so, like my grandson he even sent one, and I think he did like five pull-ups, and I mean like five full strong pull-ups, not like kind of a pull-up, like I mean strong pull-ups, you know what I mean? And it's I just think that he's done a great job when it comes to those kinds of things, um, as far as physically to put themselves out there and try it. And if you don't, if you feel the first time, who cares? You just keep trying and then you make it happen. So I really do think that stuff is is cool. I think it's something that that is definitely good for these kids, especially when they're little. Um, and I think physically there's always that aspect that you definitely want to challenge your kids physically to do different things because that kind of kind of gives them the confidence. Um, and then I think we got to find other ways to do things that mentally makes them still kind of to want to challenge themselves. Cause like I can tell you even like for me in school, I have to read something like three and four times to understand it. My reading comprehension is not strong. And so it it takes me a little longer. So a lot of times I just get frustrated. I'll be like, whatever. You know what I mean? So it really wasn't about just keep at it, you'll get better. No, I won't. But I've I kind of wish I had something or somebody back then that probably would have helped me with the situation what I struggle with to teach me, wait, maybe like there is a way through it or over it. You know what I mean? So I didn't so other things I always feel like, you know, sports related or physically, I do feel like those are challenges that you can take that are good to realize you can fail, just like kids who get in sports, whatever. But I also think that mentally we need to come up with some different things to build our kids' confidence that They can do other things as well. Just to expand horizons, make it bigger, bigger than what we can imagine that that we just like honestly, like if you look at your life and you think of where you're at, and then you sit and think when I was a little kid, did I think I'd be here and you realize I don't know. You know what I mean? Like this is not where I thought I'd be. Well, if you wouldn't have certain things happen to you, you wouldn't be in those positions.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

Right. Wake up every day and fight for the life you want to live for sure.

SPEAKER_01 22:27

Yes. And then just be and like you said, be happy and content with what you have.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

And have a backup plan if it doesn't work.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

And have a backup plan.

SPEAKER_00 22:33

If it doesn't work out.

SPEAKER_01 22:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:35

Always have a dream. I think dreams are important. You should have dreams DME. Don't make it medical equipment. Find a fucking job that does not until I tell ya.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

Yes. But there's so many opportunities, I think, now, and so many things that people can, I don't know, turn into things, but if you don't have the confidence, you'll never do it. And now the kids really especially have a lot of opportunity in front of them, I think, for um entrepreneurship stuff. Even if it's like, like you said, go get your job, your career that you believe in, that you know, if I do these things, I will make this money, I will do these things. But here's my dream, and put some effort into that as well. And if it makes it great, if it doesn't, it doesn't. But if you didn't try, you'll never know. You'll never know. Yeah, that's true. And then those kids, your kids will have a I don't know. I don't know. Some there's I think it's empowering sometimes, even when you fail.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

Yeah. For sure. Just pivoting. I think that's the biggest thing is just change is okay. Changing plans are okay. If it didn't turn out exactly like you see, that's okay. Or is exactly like you planned. Like that that's all fine.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

It's just yeah, enjoying looking forward and keeping your eyes and ears open for the next adventures. Because I think a lot of times people fail, especially kids, they'll fail and they'll they just shut down. I'm not gonna look for anything else. I'm not gonna try anything else. Why would I do that? Uh you know, I felt stupid, or I you know what I mean, those kinds of things.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

And I think I hear my niece saying, I hate that.

unknown 24:03

I hate that.

SPEAKER_00 24:05

I don't want to. I hate that. You might try something, probably me and pickleball. I hate that.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

That is not it.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

But not giving up on everything, just giving up on pickleball, maybe. See, I'm already giving up before I even try.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

I'm gonna hold you to it to see if you actually end up doing it. Oh, I'm gonna play some pickleball.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

If anyone listening is a pickleball pro, you reach out to me because I'd like to play some pickleball. I'm probably gonna freaking die, for God's sake. I'm only gonna be I don't know. Just I just want something that we enjoy and I f for me, I think the biggest thing now in in this phase that I'm in is what's the saying? You work, you don't want to work to live, you live you don't want to live to work.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

Live to work, you work to work to live.

SPEAKER_00 24:56

Yep, live your life. I want I want my kids to not be scared to to be able to do whatever it is that they want to do. I don't want them to live their lives in fear. I don't want them to worry about failing. Like if you fail, pick yourself up, do it again, do something else again, make changes, don't be afraid to learn, grow, change. You know what I mean? Like just I I feel like if you don't continue to learn and grow, like the world will pass you by. And so not everyone is going to be able to be a content creator where you sit at home and just make TikToks all day.

SPEAKER_01 25:32

Like no, it's and even if you do that, it takes a it takes a lot of time. So you have to have other things going on. And it's good to have your hands in a couple pots, keep it moving and rolling. And when the and the younger you are to figure that out, the better off you'll be because then by the time you have a a spouse and family and all those kinds of things, you'll be you'll have settled and figured or something. But it doesn't mean you have to do it.

Building Work Ethic And Grit

SPEAKER_00 25:54

Yeah, and I don't want them to think that the that anything is going to be handed to them on a silver platter, that everything takes work and everything is hard. You're not just going to be a content creator, a Taylor Swift, a whatever overnight. You've got to put in the work, and that's where work ethic comes in. Like you have to have to have to have work ethic and and nowadays if you have work ethic, you will rise. Because a lot of people don't. So how do we raise kids that have work ethic and want to work hard?

SPEAKER_01 26:27

Yep. And I think that comes from, I mean, just like even in this whole idea of confidence and building their confidence, will help them to grow the work ethic because they want things.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

I feel like in today's day and age, like to have a job is to show up on time and to show up. Yep, yep, that's about it. Is 50% of the battle is showing up and showing up on time. And if you do that, you already are ahead of people.

SPEAKER_01 26:50

And then you have the and you have too many kids that really are like, I mean, I'm here, but they say anything I don't like. I don't need to listen to them. I don't care what they say. I'll just go get another job. I it doesn't matter, it's whatever. And it's just so I don't know, it's just not, it's it's not if they're gonna get ahead. I think they too much where TikTok and all those different things are have brought good things to people. It's also brought a lot of people thinking, like, you know, you know, there's a million other things I could be doing. I don't need to put up with this. I could be a millionaire and be a YouTuber.

SPEAKER_00 27:23

And we would all love to be. Yes. Don't get me wrong.

SPEAKER_01 27:26

But it the truth is it's just doesn't happen because you say you want it to happen.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

Right.

Scripts For Hard Moments

SPEAKER_01 27:30

You mean you have to put in effort and you have to stick with it and you have to stay consistent. Consistency is a big thing. I think um I think kids a lot of times that's the thing. Something starts to feel like it's tough and they stop. So how do we get our kids past that tough point and make them realize, okay, it's hard right now, but let's, you know, let's do this. And I think I do think some of the things, even like I said, that Casey's doing with the challenging of the physical stuff when they're that young makes them realize it was hard, but look what I did. And it gives them later when those kids are, you know, even 10, that he'll he'll be able to say, Well, don't you remember you couldn't even do a pull-up. You know what I mean? Yeah. Now look at you at 10 years old, you're gonna you're doing 50 pull-ups. You know what I'm saying? Like that was hard, but you kept at it and you made it happen. So now look at school, we can do the same thing with school. Now look at this job, we can do the same thing with this job. I mean, I think that's what's gonna take us the whole way through. I think a big part of the problem that we also have is the fact that anxiety as moms, um, we kind of tend to overcorrect our kids too. And then or we or you try to overperform. So you try to make it that they never feel struggle or they never feel discomfort, everybody wins. I mean, all those things and it's a lot of it's driven because we're anxious and trying to kind of like fix it. Well, it comes from love.

SPEAKER_00 28:47

It comes from love and it comes from fear, you know, wanting them to feel safe and that they're the best thing in the world, but they're not always you know they're not always gonna be the best at everything. No, no, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

No, no, I agree. I think it's um I don't know. I I think we have to have confidence doesn't grow in like constant cushioning of these kids. It just doesn't. You you have to put them out there, challenge them mentally, physically, and whatever it is.

SPEAKER_00 29:17

And you have to trust them that they know, you know, sometimes the most powerful thing we can say is I I trust you. I trust you to make the decision that you need to make and how you how you want to go forward, you know. I don't know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:30

Well, and I think that's the thing. So let's give let's give some like actual scripts that you can use in the moment.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

All right. When you they feel frustrated, it's okay. Maybe say it's okay to feel upset. What do you want to try next? Like this didn't work out. When pickleball doesn't work out, what are we gonna say? It's okay to feel upset. What do you want to try next? But always make sure there's a next.

SPEAKER_01 29:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

That you don't just quit and give up, you know?

SPEAKER_01 29:57

Yes, there has to be something else that we can try. You know, that's the thing. When they mess up, mistakes help us learn. This isn't the end. That's like I always say, you know, a mistake is only a mistake if you did not learn from it. Otherwise, it was just a learning event.

SPEAKER_00 30:09

Yeah. And whatever they want to fix, I'm here to help. I trust you. Let's do this, you know?

SPEAKER_01 30:15

Yeah. And maybe the most important one, you don't have to be perfect to be proud of yourself.

SPEAKER_00 30:21

I mean, be proud of the failures, you know? You tried.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

You tried. You could be like other people sitting on the sideline who they have nothing more to do but to try to poke fun at you for trying, but they're doing nothing. Exactly. Nothing.

SPEAKER_00 30:34

We're not raising competent kids by being perfect moms.

SPEAKER_01 30:37

No, we're raising competent kids by being present, honest, and willing to grow alongside them.

Closing Reflections And Community

SPEAKER_00 30:42

If this episode hit home, you're not alone and you're not doing it wrong. This is the work. This is the messy middle. And this is why the village exists.

SPEAKER_01 30:53

Thanks for spending time with us.

SPEAKER_00 30:56

Take what you need, leave what you don't, and be gentle with yourself. And if you want to stay connected, follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok at the ARMC. And remember, you're not broken, you're becoming. We'll see you next time.