Pillar 5: The Somatic Score | Episode 8

Your body remembers what your mind tries to move on from.

In this episode of In Real Time with Tori Littlejohn, we’re breaking down Pillar 5: The Somatic Score™ and what it really means when your body reacts before your logic can catch up.

If you’ve ever said

“I know better… so why am I still reacting like this?”

this episode is going to hit different.

Because healing is not just about understanding your patterns.

It’s about recognizing where those patterns live… in your body.

We talk about how your nervous system stores emotional experiences, why certain situations still trigger you even when they “shouldn’t,” and how your body can stay stuck in survival mode long after the moment has passed.

You’ll learn how to:

• Recognize when your body is holding onto past experiences

• Understand why your reactions feel automatic

• Identify what your nervous system is trying to protect

• Begin processing emotions in real time instead of suppressing them

We also get into real, everyday examples of what somatic responses look like in relationships, stress, and emotional overwhelm… and how to start shifting them.

This is not about being perfect.

This is about becoming aware of what your body is carrying… and learning how to support it.

Because once you understand the body… you stop fighting yourself.

If this episode resonates with you…

My book You’re Not Crazy… You’re Conditioned is officially available for pre-order now.

This book is your interactive guide to understanding your patterns, your nervous system, and how to actually apply healing in real life.

💛 Pre-order here:

Linktree.com/Torivictories

📖 Official release date: June 26

Pre-orders will also get access to exclusive updates and a virtual launch experience.

Stay Connected

🎙 Podcast: In Real Time with Tori Littlejohn

📺 YouTube: AMH Network

📲 TikTok & IG: @Torivictories

If this helped you, send it to someone who needs language for what they’ve been feeling.

Because you’re not crazy.

You’ve just been responding from a nervous system that hasn’t felt safe yet.

This… is healin’… in Real Time.

Peace and healin’. 💛

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Healing in Real Time, where we talk about patterns, the nervous systems, and all the choices that shape our lives from the inside out. Now, this isn't about perfection or performance. It's about becoming aware, doing the work, and choosing differently one moment at a time. I'm Tori, and this is a safe, shame, free space to get serious about growth, even when it's a little messy. And you know that. Okay, we're gonna jump right in, okay? Let me tell you something. Most people are just not taught. And I recorded this thing three times, okay? This this episode, I recorded it three times. So if you're hearing this, please like it, share, subscribe, all that. Okay, because I worked hard to get this to you for you, okay? But yeah, anyway, I want to jump right in. So your body, it always remembers everything, even the things that your mind tries to erase. You might think the situation is over, the man left, the you moved away, the person passed away. You might think it's over, but your body never processed the emotion. They never process the emotion attached to it. Your nervous system will still remember whenever it happens again from any person else ever. It will take you right back to that initial moment. That's why you logically can know something that's not a threat, but your body will still react anyway. Your heart starts racing. Maybe you you um my chest will get tight. This happened to me. This happened to me the other day when I initially recorded this, where I heard I was listening to XM radio and Neo, I don't know, When Your Mad came on. I can't remember now. Neo When Your Mad came on. It was from his first album, I know that. And it took me right back to living in Seat Pleasant, Maryland, and it was just like it took me on a ride, and I had to like hold the paper that I was holding really tight. And I held that paper, and I allowed my body, I allowed my mind to flood me with the memory for at least 90 seconds. But I held tight to the paper that I was holding. And I allowed my body to feel that. A lot of times we shame it away, we push it away, we, you know, our favorite vice it away before we can actually feel that. But that let me know that something there needed to be processed. I never thought nothing about that house. But that house actually was a house that me and my family got evicted out of. It was just me and my brother. I packed up all his clothes, I protected him. So it was something a process there. And I didn't, you know what I'm saying? I didn't understand in the moment that that was even a thing with my body dead. My body dead. Yeah, it's a helicopter. It's getting warm, it's real active, it's real active out here in these Baltimore streets. Um, somebody is on my roof right now, torching. And I can't, I could joked up, like, what the hell? And I'm I can see their reflection in my gate, but they're on the house next door, but it's like that's too close. You got fired. What y'all doing? What y'all doing? But anyway, I digress. If you didn't know, I have ADHD. Yeah, so this is for my my neurodivergent lovers, okay? This is for the neurodivergence, divergence, divergence. But anyway, um, I digress. What was I saying? All right, some silence here. I closed the window, but the single seems a bit loud. I think we're good. Okay, moving right along. So in that moment, my heart, it felt like it sunk. It was racing, it felt like it sunk. Sometimes your chest can get tight, that'll happen. Some people clinch up, clench their jaw, your stomach turned. Well, that's not you being dramatic. That's your body remembering. Your body is telling you, hold up, wait a minute. Your body is it doesn't, it can't just be like hello to you. It has to give you some type of sensation, and that's what it ends up knowing is giving that sensation. So let's talk about it. Now, y'all hear that's a torch. He must have he must be on the opposite side of the house. It sounds further away, but anyway, a lot can happen in a week. So I'm glad you're back with me. And if you're just joining us, welcome. But I feel like it's been a while since I've even been able to get uh get content out. It's really been a struggle, y'all. And I'm so glad that y'all are here, really, because I use StreamYard, and I don't know, it's not been on the best behavior. It's having, I don't know. I need to look up StreamYard, what's going on? Then my eye, okay. And actually, we're doing pretty good right now for this particular recording. But at one recording, this what the initial recording of this was outside. Okay, now that I'm talking about it, that's crazy. Now it's like, oh, let me close, let me close. Like, no, it's like real sensitive, but it hasn't been sensitive. Sometimes it stings sting right now, but it's it's a light sting, so we're just gonna keep on rocking. So, anyway, let's recap and refocus. So, boom, we're going through the pillars right now of my framework that I created called the nervous system mirror, which is what I have been using on myself. Everything that I talk about is from experience, okay? That's why I wear my choose differently because it reminds me, myself personally, to choose differently that we're doing something different. Let's choose differently. And hold on, because my uh we need to make sure that we are charging because I've been sitting here for like four hours trying to get this done. And so let's make sure everything's good so we don't get cut off. But here we are. But yeah, that's why I wear this because everything that I do is first for me, and then I'm like, they're gonna let us. Everything I do, like this, one of my root work becoming in the workbooks. This is for me. I feel this out, right? And if you listen to some of my early podcasts, there was a code, you could have got you one free, but I don't sell that book. That is for me. Every copy, every copy, um, you know what I'm saying? I can send you an e-book, but I for sure I use these for me. So anything that I'm telling you, I've done this work, okay? I just want to make that clear because people, you know, people be thinking, but they don't be thinking. So, you know, and then people be a scarred. So I just want to make sure that everybody understands and we're all on the same page with what we got going on over here, okay? We can't talk about it right here, okay. This is my real room. Like these are my real signs. Like, this is my real life, like this is how I really, you know. So I just want to make that clear because you're stepping into my world and I appreciate you here, and as long as you're here, just be respectful. That's what I'm saying. But my my my people is cool. I just wanted to say that for no particular reason, but for every reason at the same time. But anyway, my framework is called. I'll have the blank, um, the nervous system mirror. Y'all, I just want to run the world. I don't know why. I don't know why, I don't know what happened. I don't know. Okay, but I felt the need to say that, so I got that off my chest. But don't have nothing to do with nothing. But anyway, so boom, stepping back to our pillar because we gotta get serious. Pillar one was the automatic behavior, and that is the reaction that we keep repeating initially, like that initial pop-off, you know what I'm saying? That pillar two was your initial why, and that's the the answer that we give um as the first explanation to why we did the the automatic behavior in the first place. And then we got pillar three, which was the outdated belief, and that is just the conclusion that our nervous system created in survival mode, is what it with the belief that it thinks is the reason. And then you got pillar four, which was last week, the open wound. And now we did skip a week, but we're just gonna keep on rocking. Like I haven't too many. I thought I was gonna drop two. That didn't work out. Okay, so last week is the open wound, and this week is gonna be the somatic score. The open wound was that emotional injury that never got disclosure, the thing that you're really protecting, but you don't even realize because you done stuffed it down so far. I always ask myself, what am I stuffing down? What really happened? And now we arrive at pillar five, which is the somatic score, and that is your body holding that pattern. Where's your body holding that pattern, and how do we get that energy up out of there? So let's talk about it. Okay, I don't know. I'm trying to pause y'all and it's not letting me pause y'all, so okay. I just had to regroup, okay? But now boom, we're in it. Your somatic score is the emotional memory stored in your body. And I'm trying to so I wrote some notes, so I am gonna refer to my notes, but I was looking for that's what I was pausing looking for because last week when I was recording, I did have a um, I had more notes. And so I just wrote down some other stuff, but I had some notes. I had some notes. Um okay, yeah, I think I found them. All right, well why the fuck would I do that? Okay, sorry. Um okay, so what happens is nothing I've made a post about this. I think I need to post it, is I'll be talking in my head and then I'll just be standing there in person. Like, hello, okay, but and then I'll feel bad that I'm standing there and it's been an awkward silence. So now I feel like, oh my gosh, just run away. So now it's just like, all right, well, do it. And I think these are the little the little like nuances that I was afraid of because I'm like, oh man, I gotta record and be on camera, and I just want to be able to like swing and just close my eyes and talk. Sometimes I'll be trying to formulate the words, I'd rather have my eyes closed. This is blah blah blah blah blah. So anyway, it makes for a longer dialogue, but I just wanted to explain that, and yeah. Like I said, your somatic score is your emotional memory stored in your body, so it's not it's not your thoughts or anything, it's in your nervous system, it's in your your body and your muscles, it's in your breath, it's in your posture. Um it's in that, like, I don't know why I reacted like that. Y'all hear it? Y'all can tell me y'all don't hear them. Like it's a dragon on my roof, bitch. Like, hello. Yeah, like what? Yeah, what do you do about that? Like, that is crazy, but yeah. Anywho, um, you'll be like, people will be like, I don't know why I I reacted like that. Your body, your body is keeping score, and that's why I named this uh pillar the somatic score because I love the book The Body Keep Score. Now it's boring, it can be very boring, it can be a downer, like you know, it's very like borderline, it's not really like really big eyes. So if you're not into that, you're not into that, but it's very informative. It's very informative, and thank you for giving it a try. But this is my spin on it, my homage to it, your somatic score. Because that's that's your body, you know, and it just always knows, like that's very true, and that's something that I had to learn, so I'm happy to be able to explain it. But the the body experienced the original moment, and that's the that's like the main focus of trauma is how it changes our cells, it's it's body deep, it's in our body, like the fat tissue being stored in your gut, like that all is body deep. Right? And so when something reminds your nervous system of the moment, which is your body, it reacts automatically. And that's why healing, it just can't be in your head, you intellectualizing like, oh, I do this, or oh, I've been through this and now I'm good. Like you can you can understand, you can understand your um your parent situation. But if you don't actually do that body work every time you go around them and they do some what you consider fuck shit, you're going to feel some kind of way. Your body is going to react before your logic even comes into the picture. You can understand trauma all day. But if your body never processes those emotions that you felt that it made you feel, your reaction will stay the same, no matter how many times you say, all right, we're doing it differently now. That's just a fact. Okay, why do you on my roof? I don't understand. But you know, it's a row house, I get it. But like, come on. Like, you know, just anyway, you're not your nervous system is always asking questions like who are they looking for now? Sorry, it was a joke. Um, your nervous system always asking questions like, am I safe? Your amygdala is always scanning for threats, okay? Your vagus nerves, it helps regulate your body, but your system is constantly reading your environment. And when something feels familiar, it and it felt like a past threat. It when something, let me see. I'm trying to think of an example. When you used to be yelled at, oh, I'll give that example. My dad used to be like, um, he'd say, what did he say? Um the way that my brain works, I'd be giving details, like Kanye. I'd be like, Martha was there. Like I'd be trying not to say, like my mom said. I was really trying to not do that, but it's a narrow dimension thing where we have to recount it exactly how it happened. So some people think that that's rude. Like, why are you gonna come away with me? What or anybody? They can say, Why, why, why are you always talking about me and they stuff? Like everything about me. Like, dang, you can't get me off your mind. Actually, I'm just re-encountering it exactly how it happened. I can remember that you were there, and this is what you said, and you had on purple pants. I remember because when I when you walked in, I was like, Oh, she gotta look like Barney. But it's like it happens, we're very just people. I guess either you're gonna find either the neurodiversion in your life is not a good liar at all, or they rely extremely well because they're strategic. And only when they are strategic can they lie well. If it's an on-the-spot lie, you're getting caught. It's only the strategist in that person that helps them lie. Right? Like it's it's like these are people, you know what I'm saying? So why would you ever think that I'm trying to, I'm trying to tell people all the time, but anyway, I'd address um the fire and the fucking helicopter and everything is just really, you know, it's AHD makes for squirrel brain, as I like to call it. Squirrel brain. Yeah, squirrel brain, where you are like, whoo! Who was that? Oh my goodness. Did you hear that? Oh that's right. Like, just you know, but in our heads, we're so serious. Like uh, it's like two people. It's like what I imagine the Gemini is going through, but they are like a little dark, look darker on their end there. Something else going on in there. But anyway, um fix my cam my uh mirror. I looked at myself, I was like, oh, you should do your edges. I was like, girl, because I'm about to get these out and put um, this is a podcast on I'm about to get this out and put in and and and uh lock up my real hair. So starting my life journey. I'm very excited about it. And uh yeah, okay. But but my side burns are long. I'm trying to have them sometime. Um what are we talking about? Did I make the veg nerve? Let me think. That's what my notes say. Give an example. So we good, yeah. You really know what happens, your body reacts. The reaction, we talked about it before, is your muscles get tight, you might lock up in your throat. Um, some people get defensive, a lot of people get defensive, a lot of people get defensive. It's like calm down. But that's just there's nothing you can do about it. Once you see somebody at that stage, it's like, okay, you gotta be the one. If it's not you, even if it's you, if the goal is to be able to process in the moment. I love telling people, oh, I like to see you process in the moment. Like a lot of people can post a video afterwards, but in the moment, when you're feeling that shit, if you can tap into hitting the record button and really talk yourself through it, yeah, I promise you you'll learn how to slow down quick as hell. I do that all the time. And people who are not there yet, they like, you see in there talking to herself, she in there, yeah. And open the door. It's like, no, I'm processing me for me. Now that I've actually said it out loud, when I see it, when I recognize these actions within myself, I can immediately know, oh, you know what? I'm getting triggered, I'm I'm defensive. And so in the argument, I'll be like, you know what, I'm getting defensive. And a person who was unhealed, that will fuck them up. Cause they feel like, okay, you're getting defensive. What you gonna do about it? Okay, you're getting triggered. What's up? What you wanna do? I've literally had that from old ass people in my family. Like, hello? Do you hear yourself? Like, what when I wrong? Okay. Okay. You know, so like you gotta you gotta be the one. And you're not gonna always get it right. I don't always get it right, okay? Younger, oh, sometimes you'll be having me fucked up, okay? And when you get me to that other side, it's like, oh, that's two different people. It's like, yeah, it's like a Gemini. Like, fuck. It's two different people for sure. And we we have to be in control of that. And it starts with the body sensations. That is the first. It is subtle. Sometimes it's fast, shallow breath. Yo, adrenaline, get to kicking in, get to talking fast, you get to move in the shit, get to rubbing my feet together. Okay, now that's that's more of a like a that's a different, that's a different one. Swatch that one. Okay, but no, like, you know, I'll get to like moving. Like, you know, you start feeling like Rocky. You start feeling like cream, like you just, uh, yeah, copes. Yeah, I'm ready. Like you start feeling that sometimes you don't realize it, it just happens so fast. It just be like, whoa, you know, you just I don't know. Like I'm trying to explain it. Well, you just you turn into Norbit to Nor to ret respondia, okay? You be like, like out of nowhere. You you jump scare them. Like that is before you get to that, before you get to that point, there are some subtle sensations in your body. Okay, you it is up to you to prevent forest fires, and you have to pay attention to that. Okay, whether it's happening in you or you see it happen to somebody else. If you see them actively, start breathing upset, start moving, start tapping, they leg tapping. If you see that, drop the conversation. Being the bigger person does not mean that's emotional intelligence, first of all, and it does not make you weak. It makes you ahead of these bitches. It makes you understand, like, okay, I can read them better than they can read them. And it gives puts the ball in your court. Can you say, you know what? I feel like we just need to cool out for a second. Let's just put a pause in it. Right? Now they may be to the point where they they feel like they want to talk about it, but it's like, nah, you can leave the ball in your court. And now you have the power to say, you know what, I think we should just wait on that. I think we should just, you know what I'm saying? Now they did they depending on their heel level, their their level of doing the work, they might storm out, get mad, want to disappear, or they might be like, cool, all right, you know what, you're right. Or they might have a solid treatment for a minute because they need to process it. That's something that neurodivenal would do too. I can't even, I I agree, but I can't even say that I agree because I'm so fucking I don't want to say anything right now, okay? I don't know what's fucking come out of my mouth. So let me just mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Like, let me just say that and go on about my day. Okay, yeah, that's a real thing. That's a real thing. So I wanna, I wanna. It's really distracting me. I want to make it real. For me, somebody raised their voice in the slightest. In the slightest. Okay, logically, it's not a big deal. Nobody trips. Somebody raise their voice a little bit and start getting a little excited and stuff. Like I'm not even yelling for real, for real. My voice is got a little bit higher. But my body immediately tenses up when somebody starts yelling, get to raise in their voice. I noticed that shit like a dog. My ears perk up like I I don't fuck with that. I to this day I don't fuck with that. But I have I'm able to process in the moment to know that that ain't got shit doing me. That's the damn thing, they're getting upset. They're having a problem, they're excited. Whatever it is, I can pinpoint it fast and then take myself out of the equation. So doing the healing work doesn't mean that you don't feel it anymore. It means that you react quicker. You get up faster, like like Cardi B said. It means that you are able to get knocked down 10 times, 20 times. So you get up nine, you know, knock down nine, get up 10, okay? Knock down 19, get up 20. You do understand what I'm saying. But that's you're getting up quicker. If that shit is still affecting you, you just have bigger fridge to fry now. The the amount of bullying that I went through as a child, I still feel it a little bit in my body sometimes. Not really anymore, actually. I thought I was talking about it. Oh, done a lot of work. But no, um, there are some there are residue of things that I'll be like, ooh, I didn't like that. Or ooh, I don't like what I ain't treating her like that. Why are you treating her like that? Just be like, calm down, it's not you. It's like still, but you need to, you know, as you can see it in the way that I protect, right? So it's still residue. It's like I do that because there's everything is connected, child. So you you'll see the residue of how I show up. Anyway, anyway, anyway. I don't want to lose my point. And I feel like I'm starting to lose my point. I feel like, huh. I work so hard to do the outlines and write my notes, and I still say what I want. Like I still say what I want. Like it doesn't matter. I can get on this bitch and just hit record and just start talking about it. And we'll be at the same amount of time on the video. Like, it really does not matter if I outlined this shit or not. It does not matter. And that'd be making me feel subconscious because I was just like, damn, are they gonna be able to understand? Are they gonna follow? Like, these are this is practical information. And my journey is the fucking showing you like that shit is real. Like, I've actually done all of these things and more. Like, we haven't even gotten into the more yet. Like, so but I'm like, are you gonna be able to feel that shit? If I'm just blabbering, and I seen a comment that was like, this adds no value to us. I was like, well, some people just like the conversation, and maybe that's where I need to like really settle into myself because yeah, some people dislike the conversation, just like I enjoyed the conversation before we actually got to the point. There was a point being made. We were just riding, riding that bitch until we got there. So, like, you know, some people feel that way about me, and now that I'm like crossing it in the moment. You see, I did that now. I feel better. Now I feel better. But okay, so that was an example that didn't have anything to do with what we were talking about, but that is an example of processing in the moment. So I guess, you know, there's that. And to see how you don't have to call nobody to do that, you know what I'm saying? You can get to the point where you do this shit by yourself quick. Process it, move on, move on with our day. Like, my bet, my shit is all about moving on with our day. Can I throw this throw this file out real quick so I can move on with my day? Can I can I do this thing right quick so I can move on with my day? Can I go ahead and work out so I can move on with my day? Go ahead and do like I, you know, and as I get more into like my softness, it's like I enjoy this time here, but I still want to move on with my day. Like, I, you know, I'm gonna wash my face. I gotta do it twice in a day. I gotta get this shit done so I can move on with my day. Not to not to say that I don't enjoy the act of washing my face and really pampering myself in that moment. In that moment, that's for that moment. That's my wash face moment, and I'm gonna enjoy that moment. But after that moment, bitch, I ain't trying to get on with my day. Like, you know, so that's yeah, that's how I stay out of the fog of what I call ADHD paralysis. Because I'll sit here for four hours, like, yeah, until I tell myself, all right, that's up. What do we need to do to move on with our day? I got something right here to say, what have you done today to reach your goals for tomorrow? What the fuck do I need to do to move on with my day? That's my go-to line. But anyway, still have nothing to do with what I was saying, but good commentary, I guess. Um, anyway, so we're talking about raising their voice at me. Okay, so somebody raises their voice at me. We talked kind of talked about it. Um I take it literal, I take it very serious, and I have to work through it still to this day. I have to work through it in the moment so it happens fast, like I just did. But please believe in my head I'm working through it. Why is my shit trying to die on me? It's going down, it's on one percent. Like, hello, like this is a podcast. What are we doing? Okay. So my body automatically believes that there's danger. Or if somebody pulls away, um, as another example, somebody pulls away emotionally. Sometimes when you realize that pull away is happening, your stomach may drop. Oh my gosh. My stomach dropped, my mind races. I'm trying to figure out if it was me, what I could have done, what I'm gonna do. You may feel anxious. Your body just remembers what distance meant to you. Your body remembers abandonment. Yeah, so even if the moment is different, even if it's from someone else, even if it's been years lapsed, your body reacts the same way. It doesn't forget. And this is something that I had to learn the hard way. Um, for a long time I thought healing meant just understanding. Like I understand my trauma, I understand what I need to do. I've read through it, I I'm I'm able to break things down, um being self-aware. I'm so self-aware. But there were still moments where my body, my body reacted far faster than my awareness. And then it created this huge amount of shame because I know better. My mind knows better, but my body hadn't caught up yet. So that helped me realize, like, okay, there's more to it. Healing is not just about changing my thoughts. While that is good, and affirmations is good, and creating new neuropaths is good. It's more to that. It's about updating your nervous system, which is your body. So we have to talk about what does somatic healing actually look like in real life? And it's somatic healing is essentially just helping your body release the stored emotions. Those that old trauma that was never given space. It's not an abstract thing, it's an actual physical thing. It's not like something you think about doing, it's really getting in there and breaking up, breaking up that trauma through movement. So it can look like going for a walk consistently when you feel overwhelmed. You're essentially creating a new familiar familiarity for your body. Um, before I even knew that there was a word called somatic healing, I would do things like washing my hands. Washing your hands in cold water helps reset your system. Taking slow deep breaths. A lot of people don't realize that the act of smoking mimics that slow deep breaths. That's box breathing, usually the way that you smoke. Hold it, breathe out. That is helping you somatically in your body, stretching, stretch multiple times a day, and um especially after any tension builds up, helping your body move and being able to process it, shaking right now. The vibration plates are a big thing. Shaking your legs out, your arms out, vibration plates, things like that. It helps break up that trauma in the body, it shocks it. Right? Um, something that I love doing is humming, singing, even crying. I personally love humming. Like, mmm, that's somatic healing. Even just sitting still and just allow me yourself. Like when my when I heard the Neo song, and I just held the paper, and I sat still for a moment, and I let the feeling overcome me, and I just didn't react. That is somatic healing. I allowed my body to feel that wave of like uncomfortableness, and I held that paper. That's their body processing, these are all ways your body can process emotion. Right? I tell people that the example of smoking all the time. A lot of people smoke when they're spread when they're stressed, and it's definitely not the healthiest thing to do. But that is mimicking box breathing. I've been telling people that for years. There's a difference between you smoking to get vibes and it's happening. You want a psychological difference to be able to experience a psychological difference, and then there's your body yarning for you to box breathe, and that or yearning for it to feel relaxed, and that's the only way for you to that you know how to regulate it. That pattern of smoking calms the nervous system. And then the nervous system believes that, oh, this helps me feel safe. You think that the smoking helps you feel safe, but that behavior isn't random, it's literally your body trying to regulate itself, it's asking for you to smoke so that it can get regulated. That's why therapies like um EMDR, breath work, somatic therapy work, all of those things. That's what that is. They are very similar. But they don't just talk to the brain, they work with the body. So we we we really gotta start tapping in and paying attention to what our body is telling us. And the uncomfortable truth is some people will say, like, I thought I healed from that. People tell me that all the time, like, nah, I I'm good. I healed from that, I forgave that person, I did this, I did that. But the real question is, did you process it? Not that you just think about it, not that you just understood what it meant, but did you really truly process it fully? Understanding is mental, but processing is physical. Did you allow yourself to feel whatever feelings came up, or do you start thinking about it a little bit, got the gist of it, and then zoned out with some type of ice? Right? And if the the body never releases it, you can process it, but then you also need to release it. You need to let it out, you need to yell, you need to deep breaths with sound. That pattern will activate again. Otherwise, not because you didn't do it right, but you know, a little bit because you didn't do it right. Because your body still remembered. And you're gonna continue to repeat the same patterns and levels in life until you realize all these different peelers, they will go with some part of your life, some theme. Because we all have to get through it. Just the harsh reality, your body is going to remember. So, this week, I would like for us to focus on the body when something is activating you, and let's hope that you don't have anything that activates you too much this week. But if you do, pause. Ask yourself, what am I feeling in my body right now? My chest is tight, like I was in the car listening to the Neo. It kind of took my breath away. Like, and I never knew that there was an issue here. Sometimes your your jaw can clench or your your posture will change. You may start to look down, and you can get stomach. Um, your stomach can tense up, uh your breath can be weird. It's a lot of different things that can happen. But when you notice those things, when you notice those things happening, slow it down. Ask yourself, where is this taking me? What does this feeling remind me of? How I was able to sit and ask myself, and then it took me back to my ninth grade year in high school. Yeah. But I allowed it to do that. You ask yourself, what does this feeling remind me of? It will take you to that point. So it's not just the cause that happened today, but it connects to the pattern that you are going to have to trace it back to. And so we want to find that pattern. We want to figure out what that pattern is so we can know what way we need to somatically heal. So let's pause because that was a lot. This box breathe, inhale for four, hold for four, and exhale for four. So your body does not need to be forced, it needs safety. You can't force it to do what you want it to do, to heal when you want it to heal, to forgive when you want it to forgive. I tell people a lot that like I'm so understanding and observe so much, I can tell like if you're being vindictive or not. Otherwise, I continue to give chances. But if I realize you're trying to, you're playing me, it's like the switch. I cannot turn it back on. You can do anything, you can beg forever, 40 days and 40 nights. You kiss my toes between my toes. And I will not, I will not be able to manually shift my body if it's not ready. If I don't feel safe around you, I just don't feel safe around you. And there's nothing I can do about it. Because it's in my body, I would have to manually go and process and tell myself, like, it's okay, and allow myself to feel and do little exercises with myself. And I'm not, I'm I don't have time for that. So if if I get to the point where I don't fuck with you, you really not shit. Like, and that's what I just chop it up to. But my body, if I wanted to make somebody more than that, I would have to make my body feel safe, and I would have to process how they made me feel in that moment. And that is safety. That is what builds safety. Your mind might forget, but your body will always remember. Healing happens when your body experiences safety, where it wants experience pain, where it wants experience um what's the word? Lack of predictability. I don't I can't think of it. It it has to experience safety there. That's how you update the nervous system. And that happens not on a whim, it usually happens intentionally, not by thinking, by feeling something new in those moments of despair. And it's possible. It takes time, get outside. The seasons are changing now. Get outside, start to pike, sweat. Make sure that you're having what I call an energy, uh energy releasing session. Invest in therapies, cold exposure therapies, spas with saunas and hot tubs. Allow yourself to release and feel other things. Process with yourself, process with others. Allow yourself to release sensations, release trauma, release the stories, be vulnerable, tell your side of the story. Whether you just record it and you never send it to anybody, or you upload it and you don't care what nobody thinks. Release those things, allow those memories to live on, good or bad. That is somatic healing. That is how you start to show up and continue to do your research. And I will eventually start to have events where we incorporate things that will help us on our path or somatic healing and having and keeping coping skills. Right? I'll see y'all in the next one. Next week, episode nine. We're gonna get through these pillars one way or another. This is healing in real time. Peace and healing, y'all.