A Discussion on Understanding Emotions

Host Nicole Summers discusses understanding emotions and emotional regulation with licensed psychologist, Dr. Rochelle Robinson.  Dr. Robinson specializes in supporting transitional-aged youth, young adults, and first-generation students as they navigate life’s pivotal moments.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Making it through. Unlocking the best you. The Making It Through program is committed to helping you navigate mental health. So let's talk.

SPEAKER_02 0:21

Trigger warning. This episode includes discussions that may be distressing or triggering for listeners. Please take care while engaging with this material and prioritize your well-being. If you need support, consider reaching out to trusted individuals or professional resources. Welcome to Making It Through, the space where mental health gets real, raw, and unfiltered. I'm your host, Nikki Summers. First, I want to acknowledge you for being here. Taking steps towards caring for your mental health isn't always easy. Whether you're walking into therapy for the first time or just pressing play on this episode, it can come with nerves, hesitation, or even resistance. Maybe this wasn't your idea. Maybe a school suggested it, or a parent encouraged it. Either way, you showed up, and that matters. Today's episode is called Understanding Emotions. I'm honored to welcome today's guest, Dr. Rochelle Robinson. Dr. Rochelle Robinson, affectionately known as Dr. Rowe, is a licensed psychologist, educator, speaker, and advocate for mental wellness. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in supporting transitional-aged youth, young adults, and first-generation students as they navigate life's pivotal moments. She is an adjunct professor at St. John's University, the author of the book Just Me and My Thoughts, and the founder of Pivotal Point Psychological Consulting, where she provides therapy, workshops, and consulting services, particularly within faith-based and community spaces. Welcome, Dr. Rowe.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Hi, thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

How are you today?

SPEAKER_01 2:14

I am good. How are you?

SPEAKER_02 2:17

I'm doing well. Thank you for being on with us today.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

Absolutely. It is a pleasure. This is something that I love to do.

SPEAKER_02 2:26

Okay. So let's get straight into it. What does emotional regulation mean to you in your daily life?

SPEAKER_01 2:34

In my daily life, that means recognizing the way that I feel while I am in the moment and determining what I'm going to do. So whether I am going to speak up, whether that means that I'm going to wait before I say something, um, if that means that I'm going to calm down first. So that's really what it means to me. It's recognizing the way that I feel and then determining what I'm going to do next.

SPEAKER_02 3:08

Why do you think learning how to manage emotions is important for students?

SPEAKER_01 3:14

Managing our emotions is important because it drives everything that we do. The way that we learn, the way that we act around people, the way that we interact with people. So I think that young people really have to learn how to um express the way that they feel in an appropriate way.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

What are some emotions that students commonly struggle with?

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Things that I have seen and what I see now, um, we deal with a lot of anxiety, frustration, anger. We see mood changes, like either they are very, very excited or they are very low. Anxiety can come from so many places, whether it's academic pressure that people have, friendships is another thing that kind of gets young folks wound up. Perfectionism is also something that is huge. When young people are um frustrated, it can come out in different ways, you know, whether there's this lack of um control that they have or feeling like they're misunderstood. So those are common things that I am seeing lately, especially with things going on in the world today. A lot of young folks are really concerned about the state of America. So that is something that is huge that has come up.

SPEAKER_02 5:18

Do you think schools talk enough about emotions and mental health?

SPEAKER_01 5:23

I think it depends on the school. There are some schools that are open and they are free to talk about it. Students can go to their guidance counselors, they may go to the social worker, they may feel like it is fine to go to an assistant principal. And then there are other schools where it's not talked about as much. So if administration is not comfortable with speaking about it, then mental health may not be something that comes up a lot. So I think that it really depends on where, but a lot of schools are share sharing more about mental health with their students.

SPEAKER_02 6:14

Okay. Well, let's talk a little bit about naming the emotions. How easy or difficult is it for you to recognize what you're feeling in the moment?

SPEAKER_01 6:25

I think a lot of times it's very hard. You know, you have so many feelings and emotions going at the same time, and you're trying to figure out what is what. So you don't know whether you're upset, whether you're mad, you know, whether you're sad. So I do think that it can be very, very hard to label what you actually feel.

SPEAKER_02 6:54

What are some signs that you can tell um your emotions are starting to get intense?

SPEAKER_01 7:00

I always say that your body is the first thing that lets you know that things are starting to heat, heat up. So things like feeling like your heart is racing, feeling like your thoughts are racing. You know, for me, I tend to get hot. I have a lot of students that say that they feel like physically hot, you know, you may um sweat, your palms may get sweaty. Um, just mentally, again, you may feel like your thoughts are racing, like everything is happening all at once. You may feel like you just want to shut down. So, so when you notice that those things are occurring, it is important to take a minute and just kind of settle yourself before you decide to move on to the next thing.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

Does label labeling your emotions help you to manage them in the moment?

SPEAKER_01 8:03

Yes. I always say that you can't manage what you don't know. So if you don't know how you actually feel, then you may be doing something that you think is helping, but it may not be addressing what the actual issue is. So labeling, I always say, is the second thing that you do. The first thing is that you've got to pause. I think a lot of students confuse anger and hurt. I learned something many years ago that when people are upset, when they are angry, it's really because um they are hurt by something that has occurred. It's that disappointment. So it may come out as I am upset that something has gone down. Another thing is stress and anxiety. So, you know, those feelings of worry and you know, fear and just feeling out of control is really big. So, you know, people will say, Oh, I am just stressed out, everything is um stressing me out, but it's really the anxiety, you know, it's really just worrying about what could occur. So a lot of folks are worried about things that may never occur, and then they kind of spend a lot of time like, oh my gosh, what if this happens? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do next? And then when they're challenged, it's like, okay, so what is the possibility that that this is really going to occur? Something else that uh can be kind of confused is feeling bored and uh disinterested, and that can be confused with feelings of overwhelm. So you may have students who come to class, and if it's a class that they don't like or a class that is hard, they may not engage, they may they may not engage in what is occurring, what is being taught, they may not answer, and it can look like they are bored and like they don't care, but if the work is hard, they're not going to. So I definitely think that those are things that often can be confusing because they can look alike, but it doesn't mean that they are the same thing.

SPEAKER_02 10:54

Got it. So you did mention stress and being overwhelmed. Um, I wanted to touch on triggers and stressors. What are some common triggers for stress or strong emotions in high school or college?

SPEAKER_01 11:09

Something that I see a lot is the academic pressure that is there. I I have young folks who, you know, they have really high goals. Um, you know, they want to get into these very competitive schools. You know, they feel like they need to have every like internship, um, every activity, and they are literally running themselves to the ground uh so that they could get in. So I think that that is a trigger, you know, at times. Um, there are young people who are in these like AP classes, and sometimes it's not, it's not all, it's not all of the time, but sometimes it can be a trigger that causes extreme um anxiety. Uh, that is something that is a common stressor, issues that are at home, friends is very big. I would say I get a lot of young folks that come in and that say, I really have a hard time making friends, or my friend group is doing something different. I feel like I am going in one direction and they are going in a different way, and I don't know if we can still be friends. So those are things that trigger them. You know, those are things that worry a lot of young folks. And, you know, just the idea of do I measure up? So those are triggers that occur very often, and I don't think a lot of adults understand that that's what is happening.

SPEAKER_02 13:03

You mentioned academic pressure and friendships. How do you think academic pressure, social media, friendships affect emotional well-being?

SPEAKER_01 13:14

Those are areas that come up so much, and I think that young people don't realize how much it affects them until they are challenged. So when you're online, whether it's Instagram, whether on um Snapchat, whether you're on TikTok, there are so many things that are going on there, and young people are comparing themselves to people who are online, they are comparing themselves to their friends, um, even academically. Am I getting the same grades as my peers? And what happens is that we often compare up. So we compare ourselves to people who are doing quote unquote more than us or you know different than us, and we feel like that is what we need to achieve. So you can be doing all of the right things, and if somebody is online and they're 16 and they've created a million-dollar business, then we feel like we're we are not doing enough. And it's actually out of the norm for somebody to be that age and to have that sort of success. So is it great? Yes, but just because it's not you does not mean that you you are worth less or like you are not as good as. So I see a lot of teens and college students just kind of feeling like I am not doing enough to be successful. And most times it's not accurate.

SPEAKER_02 15:08

Have you ever noticed um within your practice um with therapy, um, have you noticed any patterns in what causes your students to feel overwhelmed?

SPEAKER_01 15:20

I think a lot of it is taking on a lot of responsibility. Again, there are so many um students who feel like they have to do it all, and they're taking on just way too much. It is okay to be a member of two or um three organizations and leave it at that. You don't have to be president of this organization, leader over here, doing this at home, doing this at your church. I just see so many teens just take on way too much. And I always like to do a um, I like to do a time inventory. And I say we have 24 hours in the day, and you sleep for eight of them. So for the other time, what are we doing? And can you fit everything into 16 hours? And most times they can't, but you know, but they're like, But I have to, I have to, I have to. But there's just not enough time, and they are overwhelming them themselves tremendously. So that's the main thing that I see.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

What are some healthy ways that students can calm themselves when emotions start to run high?

SPEAKER_01 16:49

I always say that it is important to take a break. You've got to take a minute to assess where you are, assess the way that you feel, assess the way that you are reacting to people. So that's the first thing that I think that folks need to do is to take a break and take a breath. That is important.

SPEAKER_02 17:16

How can breathing exercises, journaling, or taking a break help regulate emotions?

SPEAKER_01 17:24

I say that we have so much that is pent up with within us, and having a moment to either breathe, to write, uh journal, or like take a break, those are things that help to get all of that out. You know, you are able to write and nobody has to see, no one has to know. You know, you can take a deep breath and inhale air and you know, exhale the things that you feel. You know, a lot a lot of people do not, they don't realize that when we become anxious, our breathing actually gets shallow. So we are not even taking in enough oxygen to breathe. So taking a moment to just exhale is important, and then also just you know, taking a break, it stops you from possibly saying something the wrong way to the wrong person that can cause an argument. So those are things that are important, and those are ways that you can release some of the tension that you may feel when you're upset.

SPEAKER_02 18:50

What about um physical activity? How does that play a role in managing stress and your emotions?

SPEAKER_01 18:57

When we are active, the chemicals in our body actually change. So we release endorphins, and those are like feel-good chemicals. So, you know, for me personally, I dance, I work out, and while yes, my body is, you know, is getting better and things like that, mentally mentally, I feel like the um stress like falls off. I always encourage folks to um take a walk. I really enjoyed that um the weather is getting nice now. So walking outside, getting some fresh air, it's helpful. It regulates everything, you know, it regulates your heart, it frees your mind, just looking around, you know, like looking at the um trees, looking at the sky, taking those things in, it really brings you to a present moment.

SPEAKER_02 20:06

So I know we discussed healthy coping strategies. What are some unhealthy ways people try to deal with difficult emotions?

SPEAKER_01 20:15

I think one of the things that I see a lot right now is substance use. So smoking, whether it's marijuana, vaping, is very big right now. So honestly, those are like the top two things. Those are the top two things that I see. But you can also have young folks who are possibly taking prescription drugs, drinking alcohol, um, sexual behavior that could be risky, you know, fighting. So those are things that people do because it's really to numb whatever they feel. You know, I always say that no one wakes up like, I'm gonna wake up and just fight today. I'm gonna wake up and just um drink today. It's it's all coming from a place, and a lot of times is that young folks are trying to numb things that they feel that don't really feel good.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

Well, why do you think young people are um avoiding their emotions instead of addressing them?

SPEAKER_01 21:29

I think because they don't know what will happen if they do. What I noticed is that a lot of folks will say, I just don't know. If if I start to uh talk, I don't know what is gonna come out. You know, it may take me back to a place where I am starting to share more than I thought that I would share. So I think some of it is, some of it can be for control. And then another thing is just not knowing how far you're going to go and then possibly being ashamed about what you may feel. You know, if you are a quote unquote tough guy or or a tough girl, when you are sharing, you are in a very vulnerable state. And then people really get to see the real you. And you may not want to show that to them.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

Ignoring your emotions over time, how do you think that impacts your mental health?

SPEAKER_01 22:41

I think it comes out either either way. You can either be in a safe space or it's going to come out in your relationships with other people. You know, it'll come out with your parents, it'll come out with your friends, it'll come out with your uh siblings. So if you don't address it, you're gonna have folks kind of like, what is going on? You can't really hide the way that you feel. You know, you can try, but it's gonna come out, you know, like either way. So either you can control the way that it comes out, or that lack of control occurs and you're just kind of like spilling and unraveling everywhere. So yeah, I think it's important to find a safe uh space where you can let that go and you know, just where you know that the person who is receiving it is trained to do that.

SPEAKER_02 23:50

What advice would you give students who may feel stuck in a negative coping habit, like smoking or drinking as a result of academic pressure or friendships?

SPEAKER_01 24:04

I always say to talk to someone, even if it's somebody who is in school or a therapist, a lot of times I will have parents that may bring their kids in, like this is a problem, they are smoking, you know, they're doing this. And speaking with a person so that so that you can be challenged on, you know, where this is coming from. Like to just say stop can be very hard, you know. So there has to be a person who is trained to really help you through why are you doing this? You know, what happened or what is happening? And a lot of times it's easier to talk to someone who is not your mom, who is not your dad, who is not your aunt, who is not your uncle.

SPEAKER_02 25:00

How can friends support each other during stressful times?

SPEAKER_01 25:04

I get a lot of young people who deeply care about their friends. And when they see that their friend is doing something that is concerning, I would get a lot of young, young folks that will come to my office to say, hey, I have a friend who is dealing with this, and I really think that they need help. I don't know what to say, but I'm coming to you because maybe you can help. And really, I think that that is the best thing that people can do for their friends. There are some young folks that really do try to help, but you are the same age as your friend, and there's but so far you can take them. But there are older people who can assist, there are people who are trained who can help. So I think that the best things that teens can do for their friends is speak to a trusted adult. And if you can bring your friend to that adult, great. You know, even if you can't just let an adult know and let them call your friend down or, you know, speak to their parents, but it's important that teens do not try to solve their friends' issues on their own because sometimes the issues are major ones.

SPEAKER_02 26:38

I wanted to fast forward a little bit to real life situations and emotional regulations. Um, how can students regulate their emotions during like difficult conflicts with friends or classmates?

SPEAKER_01 26:54

I always say taking a moment to stop and assess is important. So one thing that I use with young folks is called the stop method, S T O P. So S is stop, like stop what you were doing right now. T is to take a breath, you know, to really just take a breath to kind of settle yourself. O is to observe exactly what is happening, like what is happening in this friendship, you know, what is happening in this class that has me um stressed out? And then the next thing is proceed. So what do we do now that we have this like information? Does this mean that we have a um conversation? Does this mean that we take a break and that and that we come back and talk? You know, do we take a 10-minute break? Do we take a 30-minute break? Do we do we come back tomorrow? You know, you know, if it has to do with um school, it's do I talk to my teacher? Do I talk to the guidance counselor? Do I um send an email? You know, I think planning what your next step is gonna be is going to be the thing that people see, but first you have to be fine before you do that. So stopping, taking a break, and observing really what is going on before you decide what to do next.

SPEAKER_02 28:49

We have a lot of listeners that are students in high school and also um some that are students in college. Um, what can you do when you feel overwhelmed before a test or a presentation that you have to do?

SPEAKER_01 29:05

I always say that one thing that makes us anxious is when we are not prepared. So the first thing that you can do is prepare. Like know your stuff, you know, like you know what you know, you don't know what you don't know. So prepare, practice if you need to, and then a lot of times that kind of gets the worry off because you're like, okay, I know what I know and I can do this. And then in the moment, like right before, you can do whatever you you need to do to calm down. So whether that's taking a few breaths, whether it is um stretching, there are times that we kind of have rituals that we do to kind of warm us up and you know, just get us in the right frame of um mind. So I know that before I do anything, I take like a 30-minute break and I say, okay, let me kind of get myself together. So I think that that's something that people can do is just kind of get yourself in the right mode before you do a presentation. Being a college professor, I can tell when students are nervous because they're just nervous versus I am nervous because I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if I've studied enough. I don't know if I've really looked at this presentation before I got up here. I don't know what they're gonna ask me. So yeah, I definitely think that being prepared is the first thing that you can do.

SPEAKER_02 30:53

I think that's great advice, especially coming from a therapist and a professor. Um, I want to touch on growth and self-awareness because I feel like with self-awareness, you're able to identify um some of the emotions that you may be experiencing before presentation or even like a test, right? Um, how can practicing emotional regulation improve relationships and decision making?

SPEAKER_01 31:20

Ooh, I think I think that being able to again monitor the way that you feel, monitor the way that you are reacting to things will help you to think about the consequences of what occurs when it's over. So a lot of times people have these situations where they kind of go off and they do their thing, and then the consequence is that somebody on the other side may say, you know what, I don't need to be in this friendship anymore. Or, you know, if it's a test exam, maybe you don't do as well as you thought that you were gonna do. Um, so I think that if you don't have a moment to situate yourself, then the um consequence of that is going to show. And that may not be what you want. That may not be the end that you wanted. So it's important to kind of center yourself because once this situation ends, there is going to be a consequence. Hopefully now, hopefully, it is a good one and not one that is negative.

SPEAKER_02 32:42

That was good. I think you shared a lot of different techniques with us. Um, you shared a lot of healthy coping strategies and also unhealthy coping strategies and just learning more about self-awareness. Um, and so before we close out, I do have two questions for you. Um, what's one takeaway or message you want listeners to remember about emotional regulation?

SPEAKER_01 33:10

I would say that your emotions are valid. Some can be big and some may be small, but you have a right to feel however you feel. You know, I think that some people feel like, oh, I feel bad because I'm angry, I feel bad because I'm anxious or because I'm worried. But you feel what you feel, and it is okay. You know, you just want to make sure that when you express the way that you feel, that it is appropriate and it's something that your people can understand. And what I mean is that, you know, you can share if things are difficult for you. So if you're with friends, you can say, hey, when we do this, I really get upset or I really get nervous or I worry a lot. And your friends will actually support you a lot more than you think that they will, because they actually care about you. So sharing with your friends is so important because they can support you more than you think that they will. So I definitely think that owning the way that you feel is important, and there is no right or wrong way to you know, feel. It's just the way that you express it. You want that to be right and appropriate.

SPEAKER_02 34:44

How can someone start improving their emotional regulation today going forward?

SPEAKER_01 34:51

Today, I would say whenever you feel like you're going to explode or you know, you're gonna have a moment, you know, think about it. But I really want you to think about what came first or what comes before you feel what you feel, because that is what your trigger is. If you can identify what your trigger is, you can't manage what your emotions are going to be when that occurs. So I know that there are some places that I'm gonna get annoyed in. So I limit how much time I actually spend there. If there are people that get on my nerves, I'm not gonna spend a whole lot of time with them, you know. So I think that people can think about what gets them upset and then think about what occurs before that and write it down. You know, just write it down because you may not even know that that is the thing that kind of uh sets you off. So that is something that people can do um today, and then really using that method of stopping, of taking a break, observing, seeing what is happening, and then thinking before they act.

SPEAKER_02 36:23

Dr. Rowe, you did such an amazing job. Thank you so much for sharing so much wisdom with us today. I'm sure our listeners learned so much today about how to cope with emotional regulation and understanding our emotions. And so thank you again for joining us today. Thank you for for having me.

SPEAKER_00 36:47

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