Perimenopause Explained with Mary Parker, LPC-S and Functional Mental Health Practitioner

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Today's Episode: Perimenopause can feel like you’re unraveling at 3 a.m., but the changes are often hormonal and deeply explainable. We talk with Mary Parker about the biology behind mood swings, sleep problems, rage, brain fog, and the confusing reality of “normal” labs that still don’t match how you feel. 

• perimenopause as a hormonal transition that affects sleep, mood, and focus 
• why many women start noticing symptoms earlier than expected 
• how long perimenopause can last and why symptoms come in cycles 
• why women get caught off guard and dismissed as “too young” 
• perimenopause rage and how it can strain marriages and family life 
• andropause and how men’s hormone shifts can collide with ours 
• surprising symptoms and the reality of 300-plus possible signs 
• lab ranges versus optimal levels and why symptom tracking matters 
• functional mental health basics, gene SNPs, and root-cause thinking 
• a simple daily practice: morning walks, sunlight, and nature time 

Show Guest:

Mary Parker, LPC-S is a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor, functional mental health practitioner, author, and educator based in Round Rock, Texas. As the Clinical Director of Infinite Potential Counseling, she brings more than 15 years of experience helping individuals uncover the biological factors that often drive anxiety, ADHD, burnout, and other mental health challenges.

A Certified Integrative Mental Health Provider and Certified Neurofeedback Provider, Mary takes a whole-person approach that blends traditional counseling with functional medicine, neurofeedback, nutrition, genetics, and lifestyle interventions. Her work is grounded in a simple but powerful belief: many mental health struggles have underlying biological roots that are frequently overlooked in conventional care.

Mary is the author of The Basics of Functional Mental Health and Wired for the Wild: How ADHD Is Your Biological Superpower, and she is a co-author of The Perimenopause Prescription. Through her writing, clinical work, and speaking, she challenges the over-medicalization of everyday life and empowers people to better understand their brains, bodies, and unique strengths.

She is also the host of the Reinventing Mental Health podcast, where she explores innovative and evidence-informed approaches to emotional wellness, brain health, and personal growth.

In addition to her clinical work, Mary is passionate about supporting women through midlife transitions. She is a leader in the upcoming Perimenopause Reset 2026 Retreat, a transformative week-long experience focused on hormone health, longevity, emotional wellness, and helping women reclaim their energy, clarity, and confidence.

Learn more about Mary and her work:

• Infinite Potential Counseling: https://www.infinitepotentialinctx.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/infinitepotentialcounseling
• Reinventing Mental Health Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@Reinventingmentalhealth
• The Basics of Functional Mental Health: https://a.co/d/06MpzVu8
• Wired for the Wild: How ADHD Is Your Biological Superpower: https://a.co/d/02udXcE5
• Infinite Life Wellness & Perimenopause Reset Retreat: https://infinitelifewellness.com
• Perimenopause Community: https://www.infinitelifecommunity.com/communities/groups/perimenopause-community/home?invite=69b1def023dcc8264f43ebf6

Transcript

Welcome And The 3 A.M. Spiral

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to Couch Time with Cat, mental wellness with a friendly voice. I'm Cat, your friendly neighborhood marriage and family therapist, bestselling author, and TEDx speaker. But most of all, I'm a proud wife and mama, endurance athlete, and wholehearted coffee lover. And I'm truly delighted to be your host. Each week we gather for thoughtful conversations about relationships, resilience, healing, and yes, sometimes we laugh along the way. Let's begin. It's 3 12 a.m. You're awake again. You're exhausted. But your brain is racing. Tomorrow's responsibilities are already lining up in your mind. Work, family bills, scan and return that document. Text you forgot to answer. The birthday gift you still need to buy. The appointment you forgot to schedule. You're tired. But the sleep won't come. And then another thought comes in. What is wrong with me? A few months ago I had this all under control. Now you feel overwhelmed by the things you used to navigate with ease. Your emotions feel bigger. Your patience feels taper thin. Your confidence feels shakier. And because nobody taught you what perimenopause actually looks like, you think you're losing your marbles. And I think that's one of the quiet tragedies of women's health is that we're often handed symptoms without context. We're given judgment instead of information. And we spend years blaming ourselves for changes that have biological explanations. And today's conversation is about changing that. Because understanding your body isn't just empowering, it's liberating. And helping us navigate that conversation is someone whose work I deeply admire.

Speaker 2:04

Oh, thank you.

Speaker 1 2:06

Not yet, Mary.

Speaker 2:08

Just kidding.

Speaker 1 2:10

Tim P. Pedden. Mary Parker is a licensed professional counselor supervisor, certified integrative mental health provider, and certified neurofeedback provider. Guys, all the fancy things. She's an author, podcast host, and clinical director of infinite potential in Round Rock, Texas. For more than 15 years, she's helped people understand the connection between mental health and biology. Her work blends counseling, nutrition, neurofeedback, genetics, and functional medicine to uncover what may be happening underneath symptoms like anxiety, ADHD, burnout, brain fog, and emotional overwhelm. She's the author of The Basics of Functional Mental Health, the co-author of the Perimenopause Prescription, which I own a copy of, and host of the Reinventing Mental Health podcast. What I love most about Mary's work is that she invites people to become curious about themselves instead of critical of themselves. And honestly, I think that's exactly the conversation we need right now. Mary, welcome to Couch Time with Catholic. Thank you. Thank you so much for inviting me. Hi. Guys, Mary is in the studio and she drove an hour and a half to get here. So I'm very impressed. I'm already a little bit um feeling indebted to her for driving so far.

Speaker 3:36

No, not at all. I love this cute little town. Um Wimberley is one of my favorite places to come and shop, and I love the little pizza place that's right here.

Speaker 1 3:44

So we'll shout out community pizza. Well, so I'm so glad to have you here. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

What Perimenopause Really Is

Speaker 1 3:51

I want to start with a pretty basic question. Okay. What is perimenopause?

Speaker 3:58

So perimenopause is the phase where our hormones begin to change. Um we're not quite into menopause, but we've got things happening inside of us, our our estrogen and our progesterone and our testosterone, as well as our cortisol and our insulin are having a major impact on the way that we're thinking, the way that we're feeling, how we're sleeping. Um, but they they're having pretty wild cycles and they're up and then they're way down, and they're not playing together the way that they used to. Um, what we know today is that this is coming on earlier than it used to, or at least we're identifying it earlier than it used to. I've had women in my office in their early 30s already starting to show yes. Original symptoms. And those original symptoms, like so many of us have probably actually dealt with and just thought, oh, it's just life. It's just the stress of being a mom and running a business or working and trying to be a mom and be a wife and manage all of those things, when in reality, it's actually also being influenced by hormones.

Speaker 1 5:11

Oh my God. Okay, so listener, I mean, I have shared so many personal things here. So, you know, trig not trigger warning, but here we go. I got my period at nine. So I'm 42, and I'm probably I really don't know when I started perimenopause, but I started to get help about six months ago. I thought, ooh, what? What is all this? Yeah. And

Why It Starts Earlier Now

Speaker 1 5:36

so at first blush, people were like, 42, no, that is too young. So you're saying no. No, not too young.

Speaker 5:43

No, not right now. So the the um shift into perimenopause and menopause, we believe is happening earlier because of the number of toxins that we are currently being exposed to. And these aren't toxins that we're doing intentionally. Um, they're things like chemicals in our water, chemicals in the air, off-gassing from your appliances and your floors and your counters and your cabinets, um, things in your clothes, your body care products. Like we're getting bombarded with chemicals from so many different directions. And we actually think the reason it's coming on earlier is just because our body is getting to that point of our bucket being overflowing. So that's why it's happening so much sooner. But we are also seeing, like you're saying, that you started having your menstrual cycles at the age of nine. I've had girls in my office who are who have started at the age of five.

Speaker 1 6:33

Really?

Speaker 6:33

Yes, and we also believe that that is just because there are growth hormones in our food. Um, so that is changing how the human body is responding to things. Um, but those toxins are also playing a part there. Oh, Mary. God, that breaks my heart.

Speaker 1 6:49

Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 6:49

These poor little girls, their brains and their bodies are not even close to being ready for this. Um, so typically when they're coming into my office, it's because they're having anxiety attacks, some depression. Um, they're just not ready at the age of five or six for this transition to start.

Speaker 1 7:05

Oh my goodness, no, how could they be? I mean, it's a difficult transition at any age. Yeah.

unknown 7:09

Wow.

How Long It Can Last

Speaker 1 7:11

How long can perimenopause last?

Speaker 7:14

So they say it can last for 10 years, but I've been in it for 17. And my friends Natalie, who's the co-author for the book, she said she's been in it for about 18 or 19. So it really depends on when you actually identify when did it start for me? So mine was a little bit different than the traditional person. Um, after the birth of my second child, um, I was actually rushed in from the delivery room for an emergency hysterectomy because I was bleeding out. Um it had to happen. There was nothing that they could do, it was the only way to save my life.

Speaker 1 7:49

Wow.

Speaker 7:50

So from that point, I was actually put into medical perimenopause.

Speaker 1 7:57

Oh, I see. Because you had no more hysterectomy.

Speaker 8:00

Yeah.

Speaker 1 8:00

First of all, I'm glad you're okay. Thank you. I'm sorry that that happened. God, child childbirth trauma is Oh, absolutely. Good lord.

unknown 8:09

Wow.

Speaker 1 8:09

Were you a therapist when you experienced that trauma? I was not. Then you became a therapist.

Speaker 8:17

So um at the time when uh my youngest was born, I was actually a wedding planner.

Speaker 1 8:24

No.

Speaker 8:25

Yes. So my first three degrees are hotel, restaurant management, travel and tourism, and culinary arts. Do you do you know this about me or no?

Speaker 1 8:33

No. Shut the front door.

Speaker 8:35

No.

Speaker 1 8:36

My first master's is in hospitality manager. Oh my goodness.

Speaker 8:40

How funny.

Speaker 1 8:41

I ran restaurants and bars in my twenties. Yeah, I did too. That's what I did for a living. Yep. And then I became a an author and then a therapist.

Speaker 8:50

You too? Well, my path was a little different. My son had an injury, um, and it was because of him that I got thrown into the field of therapy. Um, because his brain injury actually led to seven different mental health diagnoses, and I wasn't getting answers. And I was really frustrated. So I put myself back through school.

unknown 9:11

Wow.

Speaker 1 9:12

Wow. So similar. Um, I threw I decided to become a coach, a parent coach. I didn't know that therapy was an option back then, but because um motherhood was really challenging, I had two littles, it was challenging. So I went to go become a coach to figure out basically to get the training so that I could be a better mom. And then I became a coach and I thought, oh, this isn't enough. I need more. So then I went to graduate school. Okay. So parenthood threw me back into not back into, threw me into this profession.

Speaker 9:55

Yeah.

Speaker 1 9:55

God, motherhood is a real deal, isn't it? Oh, absolutely. Golly. We need a drink. I don't even know if you drink, but we need one. Okay. Maybe some kombucha. You're like, I don't have alcohol, no toxins, but uh, maybe you'll have a kombucha with me.

Speaker 10:11

I'll have a drink from time to time, but it's very rare.

Speaker 1 10:14

Okay.

Why Nobody Warns Women

Speaker 1 10:16

Why are so many women caught off guard when perimenopause happens?

Speaker 10:20

Well, the biggest part of that conversation is the fact that, you know, when we're we're young and we're starting to go through puberty, our parents talk to us about what it is that we're experiencing. And there's a lot of education around that. However, when we're older and we're going through this, nobody prepared us for it. Our parents didn't talk to us about it. And when you were going through sex education in school, they definitely didn't talk about it. There was no discussion around this. Um, so right now, you know, when I realized what it was that was going on, I actually called my mom and I was like, what the hell is this? Like, why did you not tell me that this was something that I was going to go through or what to look for or what I would be feeling? And she was like, Well, you know, I just went through it on my own. And I my friends and I talked about it, and that was it. I was like, Well, that's crap. We need to talk about this. We need to prepare women for this because, you know, you hear all these terms. Our age group right now, we're talking about it. We don't keep anything in the dark. Yes. Um, I hear funny terms like couver cougar puberty, which I think is my favorite.

Speaker 1 11:30

I've never heard that.

Speaker 11:32

Um, it's reverse puberty. That's essentially what our body is going through. Cougar anti-puberty. So, you know, right now, um, and probably in the olden days, and even with our parents and our grandparents, they just kind of dealt with it.

Speaker 1 11:53

Yes.

Speaker 11:54

You know, they suffered through it. There wasn't really anything you could do about it. Today we have things you can do about it. And we're much more open about these conversations. We're asking questions, and we're all going, no, I'm I don't want to feel like crap every day. I don't want to rip my husband's head off every single day. And I don't want to be screaming at my kids when they didn't actually do anything. I'm just dealing with menopausal rage.

Rage And Relationship Fallout

Speaker 1 12:17

Perimenopause is the first time I've been um I had um postpartum depression twice and then another batterypression. And so I've been on and off of Zoloft three times. And I've done a lot of work to get my brain to a place where it produces serotonin and all these things, right? So I got off Zoloft in September, and it was a long ween, and it was very, very structured, and I was running a lot, and I was prepared. And then something started happening in January, and my patience was I mean, I was feeling rage, and it was the first time in my life where I could literally I could feel the rage, and I knew cognitively this is over the top, but I couldn't control it. Yeah, because it's driven by hormones. It was so weird because up until this point, I've been able to think you're not feeling well, don't take it out on somebody, like make a different decision, take a breath, like just a more steady like approach. This was so like I just couldn't, it's like it was just like uh you know those little um the children's toys that is like the snake that comes out of the can. Yep. It was like boom, yeah. It was like, dang it. Even before I could not contain it. And that's a common system. Yeah.

Speaker 13:54

Why? What is that? So that's a hormone um irregularity. So they're not playing with each other the way that they're supposed to. Um, it's a combination of all of the hormones dropping or rising at irregular paces and intervals. So it has a major impact on us. And rage is one of the things that most women start to realize this is not who I am. Um, however, many women don't recognize it, and that's actually why in this age group, divorce rates are the highest, is because women are actually going through perimenopause, they haven't identified it. Oh my goodness. Yeah. And nobody's talking about that part. So if you have a woman between the age of 35 and 55 who's rageful and angry and just hates her husband for no reason, um, because we hear that story all the time. Uh, he breathes too loud, he's chewing too loud. Why does he look at me like that?

Speaker 1 14:48

Like stop blinking. Yes. You blink too much.

Speaker 14:54

Um, that is that that is a hormonal response as opposed to a real anger and hatred. Most of these women will say, My husband's a great guy. I just cannot stand the way he breathes. And I feel stabby right now.

Speaker 1 15:08

That's exactly how I feel sometimes. Yeah. Stabby. Yep. Wow. That's not in the DSM folks. No. Stabby. No. Stabby level five. Um gosh. And what a I know Mother Nature has a reason for this, but just as a woman, I'm like, so rude. We go through perimenopause pretty

Andropause And Men’s Hormone Shifts

Speaker 1 15:28

much at the same time that our daughter goes through puberty.

Speaker 15:31

And our husbands are going through andromenopause at the same time. What? Yes. What is that? So it's reverse puberty for men. No. It is also not being discussed. Testosterone levels are plummeting at this point in time. Yep. So it's all happening at once. Is that why they get more sensitive? Yep.

Speaker 1 15:49

Shut the front door.

Speaker 15:50

No, that's exactly what's happening. There is very little discussion going on about it. Say more about that, please. That's like, what? So at this time in life, men's testosterone levels start to plummet. And because it's plummeting, their estrogen and their other hormones are getting out of balance. So we start to see men that are maybe a little bit more emotional than is than they used to be. And it's not necessarily always anger that we still see that from time to time. They're also starting to struggle with sleep. They're more, you know, they don't have any patience either. But while we're being rageful, they're trying to be soft and supportive and comforting.

Speaker 1 16:36

What a hot mess. Oh, absolutely. Because I mean sometimes I don't want to be supported, but it's like it just the way you said it doesn't feel like it's in sync. It's not. No. Oh no.

unknown 16:47

Oh my God.

Speaker 16:48

And their body changes too. Oh yeah. For many men, their test their um testicles will actually start to shrink um as that uh as that testosterone is decreasing. Um so you and then we've got issues that start with the prostate and testosterone is so muscular. Yeah. So they lose muscle, they're more likely to have heart attacks. No. Um, because testosterone is actually protective. This hormone um that we think is only a hormone and only has to do with reproduction, that is not true. It is protective against degenerative brain diseases, heart disease, bone issues, it supports muscle growth and development. Um, there are so many things that these hormones do inside of the male and the female body. Wow and it's why we actually need them.

Speaker 1 17:38

Wow. Wow, that's wow, thank you so much. Um, I started taking all three. And I feel a lot more balanced. Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

Speaker 17:48

I'm like, oh, okay, here we go. I know when I take my testosterone shot, because then my brain it goes, oh, there, there's my brain, it's working again.

Speaker 1 17:56

Yes. It's like, oh, we're alive. Wow. Yep. Wow, thank God. Thank God we have these options. When I mentioned to my mom I was getting HRT, um, she said, I'm so glad. She was like, do whatever you can. She said, We just didn't know. No. Back then, we just didn't know. She's like, Take good care of yourself. It's an awful time.

Speaker 18:17

Oh, absolutely. And then so as we're going through perimenopause, this is also when we're having more heart attacks, more health issues start to show up for us because these hormones were so protective of different parts of our bodies, and we feel like crap. Um, so getting these hormones back into our body, I don't believe that we were ever actually intended to go 30 years, you know, because we've lived to 70, 80, 90 years old, but our hormones disappear in our 40s and 50s. Like, I don't think that's how it was actually supposed to happen, not to the level that we're experiencing it today.

Speaker 1 18:53

Okay. So maybe the increase of toxins that changes everything, and so then our body mechanics are out of sync.

unknown 19:01

Wow.

Speaker 1 19:01

And we're living longer than we used to. Yeah, 70 is not old anymore.

Speaker 19:07

Nope. I know 70 and 80 year olds are climbing mountains.

Speaker 1 19:11

So yeah, when I was young, I was like, oh, 70. I mean, put me in a rocking chair. But no, no, not even close. People now I think when somebody asks me, no, listen, nobody's ever asked me this, so I don't know why I said that. But um when I think about retirement, I'll never retire. No, I don't I w I not to say I'm gonna work in this exact fashion, but I don't want to not do anything. That sounds terrible.

Speaker 19:36

No. And I had a 94-year-old in my office earlier this week. Um, she's still traveling the world. And then she's also um she runs a mental health nonprofit. So killing it. Exactly. At 94. Come on. That's what I want to be. Goals. Absolutely.

Weird Symptoms And The 300 Plus List

Speaker 19:53

What symptoms surprise women the most? So I think it's the weird symptoms that surprise women the most. Things like itchy ears. Um like where does that come from and how is that tied to hormones? But it feels like, you know, you can't seem to scratch the itch that's in your ears. Because it's my mommy, deep or something.

Speaker 1 20:15

Pinky and just go to town.

Speaker 20:17

Yeah. So it's the weird symptoms. And so, you know, they give us the typical list of you get hot flashes and you have the the menopausal rage, and there's breast tenderness and cycle irregularities. But there's actually over 300 symptoms that have been identified that come along with these hormone changes. And you know, women come into our office and they're like, I think I'm just going crazy. You're not. You're this is actually a hormone that's causing this reaction.

Speaker 1 20:46

God, wow, good nine. Okay. Listeners, let's do a quick uh science and soul moment. Mary is dropping so much. I'm like, oh God, we're gonna have to we're gonna read for six months. This is so informative. One thing research knows is that estrogen plays a role in supporting neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, right? Our feel goods. So when hormone levels fluctuate, mood, concentration, motivation, sleep, and emotional regulation can fluctuate too. Oh, yeah. Here's the soul part. Women in perimenopause, that's us, are often simultaneously navigating careers, caregiving, relationships, teenagers, aging parents, and cultural expectations that tell them they're supposed to handle it all gracefully. Yep. That is a lot. So we're going through a lot on the inside. We're trying to accomplish a lot on the outside, and culture really says do it nicely, get it together. Yep. Tuck in your shirt, get a pedicure, get eyelashes, you know, whatever.

Speaker 21:54

Whatever these like take a bath, go for a walk. Like that's how you're supposed to handle these things. Yes.

Speaker 1 22:00

Oh my God. So if you're listening today and you're thinking, I've explained these symptoms away. Maybe you've said, I'm fine, it's nothing. I'll deal with it later. Maybe this episode is a good a good kind of intro for you to get curious and think, what might change if you listened to your body and supported it instead of pushing it down or away or even denying what it's telling you. Do you find that a lot of women just try to compartmentalize? I know I said earlier I couldn't, but maybe there are some women who can. I don't know.

Speaker 22:46

So I hear from a lot of women.

Labs Versus Symptoms With Doctors

Speaker 22:48

Um, you know, I've gone to my doctor and I've asked for labs and they keep telling me, oh, you're too young for that to be a concern. Um, so a lot of women really have to push back on their doctors and request those hormone panels. Um, because the things that you're experiencing can be explained away by hormone imbalances if you can get a doctor that will actually listen. Um, but we hear too frequently from doctors either you're too young for that, or they run your labs and they go, well, everything's normal. But if you get a testosterone level back at 20 as a woman, that actually isn't normal, even though they consider it in range. A 20 with your testosterone, like I can't even function. I have to get extra testosterone. My level needs to be over 80 for me to be operating optimally and not be smacking my husband in the middle of the night because he rolled over and breathed on me the wrong way. Yeah.

Speaker 1 23:47

Yeah. Hashtag stop linking. Save yourself from Mary. Marked safe from Mary.

Speaker 23:54

So um, you know, we need to be more aware and educated as well about what it is that's happening with our body because many of us do just go, oh, I'm just too stressed out, or, you know, I need to, I need to relax. Um, we give ourselves reasons why it's happening, and we don't actually think, okay, maybe there is something more to what I'm feeling right now.

Speaker 1 24:18

When I went to the doctor, and I wonder if you could speak to this, she said, listen, we're gonna do a hormone test, but it's really like throwing a dart at a moving target. She said, It's gonna give us some information, but she said, mostly I'm gonna go off of your symptoms. Right. She said, Because your hormones can fluctuate all day.

Speaker 24:36

Yeah, we're women and our hormones fluctuate throughout the day, but then we're a totally different person on day one versus day seven versus day 14 versus day 21 and 28 because our cycle is so um, well, we're we go by the moon in all actuality. You know, men are really the sun. They go that's the same for 24 hours. We are not, we cycle like a moon does. So um, we have to be in touch with our own body. Um, and there are good doctors that will say, I'm gonna run the hormone panels, but yes, I'm really gonna go off of your symptoms because of that reason. Okay. Because we do know women are so wildly different, even through the course of one day.

unknown 25:23

Wow.

Speaker 1 25:24

Okay, so shout out to my doctor. Shout out, shout out, Dr. Gardner. Okay. Hi, friends. You're listening to Catch Time with Cat. I'm Cat, and today we're talking about perimenopause with Mary Parker, and I am into it. I think one of the biggest reasons women struggle during the season is because they don't recognize what they're experiencing. So they jump to, and this is not a bad jump or judgment by any means, but we we kind of jump to the big words that we hear all the time anxiety, depression.

Root Causes Beyond Anxiety Labels

Speaker 1 25:56

Um how do you find that, like what came first, the chicken or the egg? Do we say perimenopause is causing symptoms that look like anxiety? Or do we say, because I could take Zolov or I could take, you know, an SSRI for depression, but that's not addressing my hormone.

Speaker 26:18

So for most women, we actually find that there's there can be a number of different influences. Okay. So because I'm a functional practitioner and I also do a gene SNP, so we've got genetic influences, we've got toxic influences, um, and then we have hormone influences. And we have to take all of those into account when a woman walks into our office and says, I think I'm depressed or I think I have anxiety. We really need to pull her apart a little bit and figure out what is the actual root. Because what we thought about SSRIs is actually not true. We disproved it.

Speaker 1 26:50

Tell me, Mary.

Speaker 26:55

So we thought that with the SSRIs, um, we were actually fixing uh an imbalance inside of the body, but we're actually not. The SSRIs don't work the way that they actually thought that they did. Um, we don't have um a need for an SSRI. We can actually um balance neurotransmitters by understanding gene SNPs in the background, and we can correct most of that with diet and in some cases supplements. And now we have peptides like C Lank and CMAX, which we can use to help with depression and anxiety.

Speaker 1 27:28

What?

Speaker 27:29

Yes. So um there's so many different ways that you can tackle anxiety and depression, whether we're having perimenopause or not, um, those have to be part of the discussion. We've got to look at the gene influences that are in the background because there are a number of gene SNPs that influence whether or not we experience anxiety and depression and why. Because it has to do with how our body is actually processing or not processing our neurotransmitters.

Speaker 1 27:57

Oh my God. Listener, my mind is melting. Okay, wait. I'll put myself, I know this isn't clinical. This is not clinical. We're two ladies talking over a table. So I had a baby, I go into postpartum depression. That's because my hormones plummeted. Yep. And they give me an SSRI. Well, that's what they did. Honestly, listener, I love a good med. So I love a good pill. So I'm not, I'm not, I'm not pro-pill, like in terms of I'm not anti-natural. That's not the case at all. I love a good natural method, but I definitely um SSRI has helped me. Why did it help me?

Speaker 28:42

Well, that means that in the background, you have a gene SNP that means you're not processing your neurotransmitters correctly. Which one of the gene SNPs that is, I could not begin to guess just off the top of my head.

Speaker 1 28:53

What is a gene

Gene SNPs And Neurotransmitters

Speaker 1 28:54

SNP?

Speaker 28:54

So a gene SNP is um, so you hear the word MTR or the the acronym MTHFR thrown around a lot, right? So that is a gene SNP that it it is actually methyl tetrahydrofolate reductase is the name of the gene. Congratulations. And it is responsible for your body creating an enzyme that breaks down folic acid. And um, actually, a lot of the reason why many women have postpartum depression is because during pregnancy, they put you on synthetic folic acid. And then after you have the baby, you stop taking it. Well, synthetic folic acid is actually something that most of us don't process well, and it causes us to feel like we've gone crazy after giving birth. So the gene steps that can be involved in our neurotransmitters. So we've got MTHFR, we've got TOMT, which is responsible for um catecholamines, and how we're breaking down each of our neurotransmitters, we can be an overprocessor, making us a we call it the worrier gene, and then an underprocessor, and we call that the warrior gene. So how these genes influence each of us, it's actually quite important. Um, but then we also have um other enzymes on these gene SNPs, like DAO, which has to do with your histamine pathways, which has more to do with your hormones and your neurotransmitters than most people realize, and MAO, which also has to do with your neurotransmitters and your hormones and how your body is using them. Um so the way to really understand that is to do one of the um genetic tests, like um the lab that I use is MaxGen, and they have one called The Works that does 277 genes, and it gives us basically your genetic blueprint, and this is your genes for the rest of your life. Um, but what we can tell from the report is okay, you're either under or over processing. Here's vitamins or diet shifts that we can use that are going to fix your serotonin in the most natural way. God Lord, I think I have a headache.

Speaker 1 31:03

Wow. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. The I mean, honestly, God bless you for um studying all of this because it feels as a, you know, I'm a therapist, but I'm I'm not you. I don't even know how to label you in terms of your expertise, you know. So this is just feels like a whole other planet. What do you tell women who say, this is too much? Like I can't, how do where do I

Simple Plans Instead Of Overwhelm

Speaker 1 31:35

start?

Speaker 31:35

So when if I do um a functional health appointment with someone and we go through the genetic report and maybe we do Dutch testing so we can look at hormones and cortisol and all of those things, I compile everything for them and I actually give them um a document. I take, you know, what's as much as 70 or 80 pages of data and compile it down to four to six pages with uh this is the plan, and these are the steps that we're gonna take. We're gonna start here, we're gonna do this, and then we're gonna check in and see what are what changes are we noticing, where do we feel better, where do we not feel better? Because if something's not working, okay, then we're gonna stop taking that or doing that. And that's one of my problems with medication. And like medication has a place, you know. If I'm working with someone, I can't work with them if they're not here. So 100%, I want you to take that med so that we can get through this to the other side. However, if you have to keep refilling it, it's not actually doing anything. You know, it's putting a band-aid on a leaking roof instead of actually trying to repair the roof, is how I feel about it. Um, I would rather fix your roof and make sure that we can give you lifelong healing and through your whole body. Because if you've got um a symptom that is mental health, well, pretty soon that's gonna be a physical health symptom because we haven't dealt with it. Your body starts to whisper and then it starts to scream.

unknown 33:07

Wow.

Speaker 1 33:07

Okay. What do you wish that women would understand? Or actually, let me rephrase the question. What approach do you wish that women would take to their own evolution and healing in this period? Because I am the kind of person who wants to check boxes and get it done. And I have a feeling that this is not that vibe.

Speaker 33:32

No. So

Daily Nature Practice That Helps

Speaker 33:33

with perimenopause, um, you're going to have you're again going to continue with cycles. You're gonna have cycles where what you're doing is working, and then all of a sudden what you're doing is not working anymore. And that's because your body has continued to change, and it's going to continue to change until you hit full menopause. And then it all kind of like calms down. But during the the course of perimenopause, you'll have times where you have to go back to the drawing board. You know, as somebody that has been dealing with it for many, many, many years, I still have times where I'm like, man, everything that I've been doing has been working, and now all of a sudden I've got hot flashes again. Why? And I have to go back to what is it that has changed right now? I might have to rebalance hormones, I might have to change another thing in my diet, I might like there's different things that I'm going to have to address as my body continues to shift. So there is no blueprint, there's no um plan that's going to be the same for every single person because we're we're all individual. Um, so we we need to come at this with I'm going to continue changing, I'm going to continue having these cycles of ups and downs. Um, and I need to give myself grace.

Speaker 1 34:49

You're listening to Couch Time with Cat. I'm Cat, and today we're talking about perimenopause with Mary Parker. Mary What made you want to write this book? First, what's the name of your perimenopause book?

Speaker 35:04

So the book is called The Perimenopause Prescription: a Holistic Approach.

Speaker 1 35:09

No meds.

Speaker 35:10

Well, so we do talk about the fact that sometimes we do have to do HRT, and there's nothing wrong with that. Oh, HRT is a med. Um, so these are actually something you require a prescription for.

Speaker 1 35:21

So we do consider them a medicine. Oh, interesting. Yep. Okay, I wasn't even thinking about that. Okay, share with me what made you want to write this book. How did it happen?

Speaker 35:31

So um having well, I'm still in the midst of this, you know, 17 years later. Um, and my friend Natalie is as well. But we kept hearing the conversations over and over again, whether it was in our offices or in our friend groups, or even if we're out for coffee, we overhear women at other tables talking about it. And, you know, we both started talking to each other and saying the same thing. Like nobody told me about this, nobody warned me that this was coming, nobody gave me a heads up that I was supposed to be experiencing this. Um, so we said, okay, well then why don't we give everybody the heads up? Why don't we help share the things that have worked for us and that are working for the the clients that we are both working with in our in our retrospective practices? Um, because I come at it, I'm typically seeing people from a mental health perspective, she's seeing them from a physical health perspective. Um, but they're the same case.

unknown 36:33

Right. Wow.

Speaker 1 36:34

That's amazing. What a cool thing to create with a friend. Yeah. If you could prescribe one daily practice for every woman listening, what would it be? What's something simple we can do for ourselves?

Speaker 36:49

Well, for women in general, I want you to get up and go for a walk in the morning, go out into nature, let the sun hit your eyes and your skin, um, and get back to our roots. Take your shoes off, put your feet in the ground. Um, you know, this allows us to ground, it discharges energy, touch a tree. You know? Um, these are the things that our ancestors used to do to help balance. And um in other countries, they actually will write prescriptions for you to go and you know, go tree bathing or sunbathing or things like that. We don't do that in the US. Oh, it's huge in other countries, especially like Japan and China and even Germany, they will actually write you a prescription to go and spend time in nature. So no matter what it is, no matter what phase of life you are in, that is the thing that I believe every single person needs to do every single day. Um, and I have it, you know, it's actually in my calendar. I have three times per day where I go out into nature, and those times are sacred to me. I will not allow anybody to impinge on them. I won't let an appointment uh touch them. Um, I might shift them. Like today I'm gonna go walk around in Wimberley around this river and enjoy the trees and you know, get my nature time. But

Listener Prompt And Community Resources

Speaker 38:04

that is the one thing that I would tell everybody to do is get your nature time.

Speaker 1 38:07

Oh my God, that is so beautiful. Listener, I'd love to hear from you. DM me on Instagram or Facebook at CouchTimeWithCat and let me know what's one thing you wish someone had told you about perimenopause. You know, your response. Um, I'd love to hear your responses and I'll share them with Mary, and you know, maybe we can get a little thread going on how to support one another.

Speaker 38:32

We actually have me and Natalie a perimenopause community, and I can share the community link. Um so we actually did a um online conference, I want to say it was back in March, that was focused on the combination of mental health and physical health during the phase of perimenopause. Um so we have an entire community, all of the videos from the conference are actually available inside of that community. Amazing. Um and then we have a retreat coming up in September where we've bought brought together a whole group of local women that me and Natalie both collaborate and work with ourselves that we know can support the perimenopause community. Um, but it is a week of holistic healing together.

Speaker 1 39:17

So that's so cool. Yes, please send them that to me, that link, and I'll include it all in the show notes. Okay, let's finish with a little rapid fire around.

Rapid Fire And Final Takeaways

Speaker 1 39:26

Okay, we'll do our best. Um fill in the blank. Perimenopause is difficult.

Speaker 39:34

A healthy boundary is give me space.

Speaker 1 39:41

Something women need more of is nature time. Something women need less of is uh more list. What brings you joy these days?

Speaker 39:54

Um, definitely my time in nature and time with my family.

Speaker 1 39:57

Beautiful. Listener, today we talked about something that deserves far more attention, and we will be back at this definitely on Couch Time with Cat because it feels like this was one drop in a tiny bucket. We talked about the reality that perimenopause is biological, it's hormonal, it's emotional, it's an entire experience that affects our minds, our emotions, our relationships, our sleep, energy, our identity, and that we need support through that and that that's okay, and that we're allowed to say that we need and want support, and we're allowed to receive it. Oh, absolutely. Mary, thank you for being here today. Thank you for having me. Where can listeners find your books, your podcast, and learn more about your work?

Where To Find Mary And Next Steps

Speaker 40:44

So all of our books are available on Amazon, and I can share all the links with you. Um, our podcast is on YouTube, and then we also use Spreaker to put it across all of the different platforms. So you should be able to find it on Amazon, Audible, um, Apple. It should be on everything.

Speaker 1 40:59

What's the name of your podcast?

Speaker 41:00

Reinventing mental health.

Speaker 1 41:02

Killing it. Love it. Awesome. And okay, so books on Amazon, podcast on YouTube, and all the podcast players. Yep. Oh, perfect. So YouTube, that means it's video. Oh yeah. Fancy. Do you put on makeup for that or do you just go as yeah? I don't like makeup, so I did put it on for you today. But you look beautiful, with or without. With or without. Listener, if today's conversation helped you feel a little less alone, here's what I'd love for you to do. Share this episode with a woman you care about, because chances are she's wondering about some of these things too. Join our growing community on Instagram and Facebook at Couchtime with Cat. And if you'd like weekly reflections, you can sign up for our newsletter at CouchTimewithcat.com. Listener, thank you so much for being here. Every time you listen to an episode, you make my dreams come true. Take care of yourselves. I'll see you next week. Thank you for spending this time with me today. If this episode resonated, I'd love to stay connected with you. You can follow along on Instagram and Facebook at Couchtime with Cat and sign up for my newsletter at CouchTimewithcat.com for reflections and resources delivered straight to you. Listen to Couch Time with Cat on KWVH 94.3 and subscribe on Apple, Spotify, and iHeartRadio. Your support means so much to me. Thank you. Until next time, take good care of yourself.