You Don't Need a New Goal, You Need a New Identity

You keep saying you want more money, a better body, stronger leadership, but nothing changes. In this episode of Success Is Not Convenient, Bernie Gallerani reveals the real reason you're stuck: your identity always wins. Wanting something isn't enough if the person you believe you are can't receive it. Bernie breaks down how the labels you put on yourself ("I'm not disciplined," "I'm not a morning person," "that's just not me") become the bars of your own prison, and exactly how to break free. If your results never seem to change, this episode explains why, and what to do about it.

Transcript

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Hi everybody, it's Bernie Gallery bringing you an episode of Success is not convenient. God, I just love always saying that because for some reason people think that success is just a matter of hard work and it's a good start, but it's so many other things and just hard work. I love I heard one recently and I thought uh I love this what I heard. And it says, you know, success really isn't bought, it's only rented. And I thought, how powerful is that, right? It's only rented. You never really take any sort of possession of success. It just kind of shows up. And I've said that before, it kind of shows up, it rears its head and it goes away for a while. Every level's another devil's, right? So every time you try to achieve something, success goes and hides itself for a while until it feels it. You're you've earned your right to see it. And it's like a like it shows up for a little bit of time and you get all excited, and you're like, well, what happened to it? Well, that's the way success works. But if you stay persistent enough to it, you have the right mindset, you certainly can achieve some really great things uh with it. So our topic today is an interesting one. Most people believe that success is just something that happens. Most people think that they get in life what they actually want. And that's not it, right? And I'm not sure why you believe that, right? Because I don't believe that. Success is not something that you earn in any level other than through persistence and focus and the right kind of mindset. See, I believe people get in life who they believe they are. I'm gonna say this again. I think people get in life who they actually believe they are. And who you are right now, your identity always wins. And if you don't change your identity, then what you have is what you get. You are actually in your life today getting exactly who you believe you are. And some of you might say, well, Bernie, that may not be fair because I'm not really in the place that I want to be. You may not want to be there, but your identity says that you're comfortable there. And your identity is the one that's going to win. Your identity always wins. And you can want to be successful. You could want to be have a better marriage, you could uh want to lose weight, you could want to make more money, you could want and want and want and want and want. But if your identity doesn't match what you want, then your identity will eventually pull you back to where you are currently at, which is where you're comfortable. Whew, that's a tough one, isn't it? What are we really saying here? I'm saying you're choosing your life, good or bad, or however it is, it's your choice. And it is based on how you think of you. Why don't you think about how many times that you've heard someone say, that's just not for me? Maybe you've said that. I'm not that type of person to do that. I'm uncomfortable doing that kind of activity. I could never do that. I love that when I heard that when Bernie, I could never do that. What are you really saying? What do you what are these people saying that I've accepted my current identity and I refuse to change it? I get a chance and a privilege. Uh, it's fun and frustrating at the same time to just coach people and hear all the reasons why their life is in poverty, it's in chaos, and it never improves. And you just and I I know many of these people for years, and you just shake your head and go, this is just what you're choosing because you won't change to be anything different. When you accept your current identity and then you refuse to change it, see, that's because your future says exactly where it is. Your future is who you are right now. So if you're like, I'm I'm tired of my life, then you you you gotta change who you are. See, most people don't realize that we have built a person around themselves. You've built this person, you've built it. The bars aren't made of steel, the bars are actually made of labels. Write that one down. How you label yourself is your prison. How do you think of yourself? I'm not that person. I don't like doing those things. You are who you are based on the labels you put on your life. I'm shy. Okay, if you say that. I'm not a salesperson. Keep thinking that you'll never move forward. I'm not really a leader. Perfect. I'm not disciplined, excellent. Continue to keep saying those things, and your life will continue to be where it is. I'm not that organized. I hear this one all the time. Well, it's just my personality. My personality isn't that organized. That is such a bunch of, you know what? Continue to keep telling yourself that, and that's exactly what you're going to be. I don't care what personality style you're having. I know expressive organized people, I know amiable person I uh organized people, I know drivers who are organized, I know drivers who aren't organized. I know analyticals that are organized and analyticals that aren't organized. So don't label yourself as saying, well, I'm this kind of person and I'm just not an organized person, right? No, I'm not a public speaker. Well, you're never going to be. Just keep telling yourself that story. I'm not good with money. Excellent. Then you'll always be broke. Stop telling yourself that, right? Uh I love this one, right? I'm not a morning person. It's really funny because I talk to a lot of people about what time they get up in the morning because I'm an early riser. And they'll go, Well, how do you do that? I'm like, I don't understand the question. I set an alarm, I get up. Yeah, but aren't you tired? What does that mean? Of course. But it's not my identity to sleep in. It's not who I am. I'm tired when I go to bed. And no matter what time you get up, whether you're getting up at five in the morning, six in the morning, seven morning, eight in the morning, you're still tired. You're just forcing yourself to do something because you have to go do something. See, every one of these statements that you make to yourself uh becomes a brick and a wall that limits the future that you have. So if you want to know where you're at based on the conditional beliefs that you believe, just look at the life you currently have today. That's your life five years from now. That's your life 10 years from now, probably 20 years from now. That's who you are. That's who you have become comfortable with. Then something amazing happens when you change. Life gives all sorts of opportunities for those that actually label themselves differently, right? When you have an opportunity to become more, an opportunity to grow your life, an opportunity to become the person that you say you want to be. And what do you do then? You just reject it. You have an opportunity, but you can't get out of your own way. Not because you can't do it, because you can. It's because it doesn't fit in your identity. Who are you? Well, you know, Bernie, you're telling me I need to be somebody that I'm not. That's exactly what I'm trying to say. You are who you are. You want something different. You have to think completely different, and you have to act and walk and talk in the manner of that person today. You have to change who you are. If you want to lose weight, you don't sit there and go, I'm a fat slob pig. You don't say that to yourself. You say, I'm a physically fit human being. And that's exactly who I'm gonna be. And you may not see it yet, but I'm gonna show you in about six months what a frigging dynamic person I can be when I'm physically fit. Wanting more isn't enough. You can't just want more. One of the biggest lies people tell themselves is, I really want it. I really want it. No, you don't really want it because if you really wanted it, you would do something different. You don't really want it. Because if you wanted it badly enough, you'd become the person that it would take to be required to get it. I want you to hear me. What do you want right now that you don't have? What do you want in your life that you've wanted for a while that you've never achieved? You don't want it bad enough. See, that's all it's saying. You're not willing to change who you are. I can give you a ton of examples of people I know. Um uh but but I'll maybe I'll save that for another another day. But wanting it is easy. I want it. That's easy. Those are easy words. I want it. Boy, we can all dream in fantasy land, but the reality is we're never will willing to put in the work because you're too, we're too busy saying it's not me. I really want it, but I'm not talented. I really want it, but but I'm really wanting, but but I I really want it, but but but but what? Your butts are in the way of you having the dream that you always wanted. Transformation is hard work, and everybody wants the outcome of it, but few people, few people will identify identify themselves and make the shift required to create that outcome. Few people will. Everybody can, but few people will. You ever wonder like why does that person have so much more success than somebody else? I know, guys, I've heard it. Well, you don't understand how they were raised. They were raised with a dad and a mom who loved them. Who cares? So your challenge is a little bit different. Well, they were raised when where where they you know they had a lot of family money. If that story works for you, you keep telling yourself that. I can't tell you how many times people I it was really funny. I heard a story one time, and it was about 18 years ago about this person who was pretty successful in our industry. And they're like, if you ever try to accomplish what this person does, stop. You're never going to have or do what this person has done because what they did was unique. We did that and squashed them. And this person was talking to a group of people, and it's like, oh, you got to be kidding me. Like that person had the cure that nobody else could figure out. What a bunch of crap. But you know what? People believe it. By the way, just so you know, I wasn't even in the room. I got the notes from somebody that was in the room and they said that. I'm like, that is a bunch of, you know what, that is so not true, right? It's just not true. Nobody wants the uncomfortable situations that create the confidence that you need to grow. I'm gonna say this. You don't want the uncomfortableness that it takes putting yourself in that situation that creates the confidence. You don't want the uncomfortableness through the journey to create confidence. Everyone wants wealth, but nobody wants the uncertainty, the risk, and the sacrifice that creates wealth. Right? I love this one. Live like no one else today so you can live like no one else tomorrow. You know what that means? That means don't blow all your money when you're young so you can live a right, nice, prosperous, financial, wealthy life when you're older. Everyone wants a better body, right? I mean, better shape. But nobody wants the discipline required to create it. Eating the right kind of foods, exercising, being totally disciplined. The dream we have of having it sounds really great to us. It's exciting. We think, man, this is awesome. I'm gonna do this, but the process is the part that kills us. That's just not me. I can't do it. I can't get that out of my head. This is a you problem. This isn't a success problem. The success doesn't show up because of the you problem. And this is where most people quit is they don't want to go through any discomfort because we're so engaged in the life we have now. We just accept our life. And if your life is going your way, perfect. All I can tell you right now is my life isn't going the way I'm allowing it to go. There are things that I want that I don't have that I have to sacrifice for, and it's pretty painful, but so what? I've been through it before. Growth feels like you're kind of shedding your skin and losing yourself. A lot of insecurities for growth. And if you're not willing to, if you're if you're ego or you're you're feeling embarrassed because you don't want people to look at you, then success is probably never going to be in your in your path, right? It's never going to show up at a level that you dream of. You might think you're successful and I applaud you. Good for you. But are there anything else that you want to achieve that you're not? And this is where people get really confused. Growth feels uncomfortable because you are literally leaving an old version of yourself behind. Some people, a lot of people, most people aren't willing to do that. The old version says this isn't who we are. So they try to pull you back. The new version is it isn't who we are, but yet who we are. What I mean by this is this little word changes everything, the word yet. Yet, yet, yet. You aren't a public speaker yet. And you aren't disciplined yet. Yet, yet, not yet, but you're but you're working on it. You aren't the greatest leader of all time, but yet, but you're working on it. You aren't financially free yet, but it starts early. You weren't financially free for years until you build wealth. And wealth takes time. You aren't the best version of yourself yet. You're just not not there yet. Not I'm not that person, but I'm not there yet. The problem that most people listen to the old identity because it's familiar. You're just comfortable with you in your situation and in your thinking process. And the familiar side of that feels safe for you. And even when familiarity is keeping them broke, frustrated, stuck, and unhappy, identity creates their behavior. And that's the part of this podcast today, is you are labeling you for what you've achieved, or your labels on you have identified why you don't have the things you have. And you're sitting there going, well, isn't everybody labeling each other? Or am I not labeling me for who I think I am? Yes. If I think I want to have 40 companies that are run, I'm gonna have 40 companies. If I if I identify myself as that, I I haven't yet, but if I do, that's what I'll have. But it's not gonna be easy. Running one company is hard. Can you imagine running 40? I just heard of somebody that right now has 120 companies that they run. Can you imagine what that's like? That's a lot, boy. That sounds like a lot of fun too. But at the same time, I'm not there. I haven't identified myself in that particular people. People think behavior creates their identity. The truth is the identity creates your behavior. How you label yourself is how you act. Think about this for a minute. How you look at yourself every single day in the mirror, how you think about yourself and the stories you tell yourself, the truth is your identity. Who you say you are creates the behavior that you have. And the behavior that you have is what it gives you in your life. Someone who identifies as healthy works out because that's who they are. Someone who identifies as a leader reads books because that's who they are. Someone who identifies as a leader and leads because that's who they are. Someone who identifies as successful takes responsibility because that's who they chosen to be. Your actions are always trying to stay consistent with your identity. I'm gonna say that to you again. The action steps, the process that you take are always trying to stay consistent with your identity. Not what you want, but who you say you are, which is why changing your behavior without changing your identity rarely ever lasts. You don't need a new goal. You need a new self-image, new self-person, a new identity with who you believe you are. The real reason success feels uncomfortable. This is the real reason the success feels uncomfortable because you're asking your current identity to perform at a level that has never performed before. All right, let's stop there for one second. Your success feels uncomfortable. Write this one down. Oh, if you do something, that's uncomfortable. Because you're asking your current identity, the old self, to perform at a level that has never performed before. Do you think you're gonna feel a little uncomfortable when that happens? And the answer to that is yes. So you try it one or two times, you're like, well, that's kind of weird. If you try anything one or two times, that's a little weird. Anything at all. That's why we stop. We stop because we try it one or two times and we're not comfortable with it. Well, we're not comfortable with it because it's not supporting the old self, but we do it a long enough time through our belief system, it becomes our new habit and it's all we know how to do. I'm gonna give you an interesting example of that. When I first started calling and prospecting and in in the real estate industry, calling and prospecting was tough. Being disciplined for an hour, two hours, three hours, four hours. And I got to a point after a few years where I could get on the phone for six straight hours and prospect, and it was really fine. Great. I didn't have any issues doing it at all. I actually enjoyed it. But what was fun is I struggled in the beginning. And then I identified myself as this person. And then I did it more and more and more. But what was fun is when I stopped doing that altogether and changed positions within the companies that I run, I actually had withdrawal from that because that's who I who my identity was. So I went from not liking it to liking it to actually appreciating it to kind of loving it to then stopping doing it, and then felt like I was cutting off like my arms and my legs because I was like, wait a minute, this is just who I am. It was my identity, but it wasn't an identity that just showed up, it was identity that I created and make it made a choice for myself. When I was first started prospecting, it was uncomfortable. In the end, it was actually uncomfortable to stop. Isn't that weird? And that's why uh when you're if you're speaking to people, it feels uncomfortable. You're standing out in front of people, it feels uncomfortable. That's why leadership feels a little uncomfortable. You're just not used to doing it. That's why accountability feels uncomfortable. People don't like being held accountable because they're always down on the selves because they typically don't do the job they say they want to do. You're asking the old version of yourself to do something that the old version has never done before. Guys, see how this works? Like you're who you are, but you want something different. But every time you try something different, it makes you feel bad. So you go back to who you are. This discomfort isn't a warning sign for you. It's proof you're growing. It's not telling you to go back, it's it's telling you you're doing something towards working on who and what you want in your life. It's proof that you're working towards growing. Most people mistake discomfort for danger. It's not dangerous, it's just different. Write that one down. It's not dangerous, it's just different, and different makes you feel uncomfortable. Winners understand discomfort is simply evidence of expansion. What we understand is that when we're uncomfortable, we're just growing. That's the difference in mindset. So stop defending your limitations. One of the most dangerous things people do is defend their weaknesses. Oh my gosh. Like I can't tell you how many hundreds and hundreds and probably thousands of times I hear people why they can't do it based on their mental lack of strength. I'm just not the person. I'm just not a people person. I'm not a good, I'm not that good with numbers, Bernie. Okay. We said it earlier. Go, then you just keep keep thinking that way, right? I don't know how you're disciplined. Well, discipline takes time, right? I'm not that motivated. Well, motivation is temporary anyway. You just need to be consistent. The moment you defend limitations, you own it. And that's the hardest part. It's like, oh, I can't do that. You just keep telling yourself that. My mentor always says when he plays golf with somebody, he'll say things like the person will go up to the T-box and they'll say, Genau, I always shank it to the right. And my mentor says, Well, that's probably what's going to happen because you just keep telling it to yourself. Think about that for a minute. Think about the things you keep telling yourself in your head that keep showing up in your life. And if you continue to keep doing that, what you're guaranteeing yourself is that it's going to stay with you forever. Who would I have to become to achieve what I want? That's a good question for yourself is who would you have to be? Not what do I need to do, but who do I need to become? Because becoming is always more powerful than doing. Becoming is more powerful than doing the activity. Your future is actually waiting for you. Everything you want is actually out there waiting for you. Imagine the version of yourself five years from now if you made all these changes. Can you imagine how fantastic your life could be in just five years? 60 months. 60 months. Five years. Five years to me, 60 months seems shorter than five years, right? Sixty months. Can you imagine the person making the income that you want in five years from now? Five years gonna come. God willing, you're still breathing oxygen in five years from now, living the life you've always dreamed of five years from now, leading the people that you want to lead, serving at the level that makes you feel totally empowered. The future version of you right now, five years from now, actually exists. But we can't be cre we can't create something by protecting our identity today. If you're protecting who you are, this is the people that go, that's not me. If just if you keep saying that, you're protecting who you are to make yourself feel comfortable, but change will never happen. So growth will never happen, and the future version never shows up. Write this one down. Something has to die. What inside of your uh behavioral identity process has to go, the excuses that you continue to keep using, the labels that you put on yourself, all the fears that continually to show up. You're gonna have fear, you just have to embrace it. The discomfort, the old story, right? Or maybe even the comfort, the comfort you feel right now that needs to feel discomfort, right? You must be willing to leave behind who you've been to become who you're capable of becoming. I'm gonna say this because this is important. You must be willing to leave behind who you've been to become who you're capable of becoming. Those two things do not work together. Who you've been and who you want to be are at constant argument and fighting amongst the two. And you're the one that can break up that fight and either one side can win. Now, if you choose the dreams and the goals, there's going to be discomfort. If you choose the comfortable labeling of who you are, then your life stays the same. I'm not knocking you for staying the same, but is it really one? Because identity always wins. It's not about your goals, it's not about your wishes, it's not about the dreams that you have, it's about your identity. And the question isn't what do I want? That's not our question. The real question for us is this who must I become? Because the life you desire is already available for you. Stop telling yourself it belongs to other people and not you. It's just waiting for you to become the person capable of receiving it. Think about this. It's just waiting for you. Come on, it's coaching you in. You can't behave that way and have this, but this is here waiting for you. It's just waiting for you to become that person capable of receiving it. You're not capable of receiving it because the labels you put on yourself are a doorstop to your success. And until your identity identity changes, your results will never change. Then the moment you stop saying that's just who I am, and start saying that that's who I used to be, everything starts to change. Your future isn't determined by what you want, it's determined by who you believe you are. That is it. So who are you? Let's leave this with you here today. Who are you today that you want to be different? And what is it that you would like to accomplish in your life and change your identity to that's who I am. And when you put that label of who I am, when all of those obstacles and fears get in your way, the person who is that person doesn't stop when those fears show up. They tackle them. Doesn't mean that you don't struggle with them, doesn't mean that it's easy because it's never going to be easy. Success is not convenient. Success is not convenient. Success does not align with your labels and conditions and comfort. Success is about uncomfortableness and putting new labels on yourself to push through what nobody else is willing to do. Guys, I hope you find value in this one today. This is a tough one, I know, but it's one that has to be said. Your identity always wins. Everybody have a great day.