Episode 4: Square 1

Episode 4: Square One — Returning Home to Yourself

Podcast: Badass Thriving
Host: Caressa Dunphy

Episode Summary:

What do you do after the dust settles? After you’ve burned it down, walked through the fire, and everything familiar has fallen apart?

In this episode, Caressa gets real about what it means to rebuild from square one. Not with urgency, not for anyone else’s approval—but with joy, intention, and purpose. If you’ve ever felt like you were standing in the ashes of your old life wondering what comes next, this is your invitation to rewrite the next chapter on your terms. We explore what it means to start over with curiosity, to follow the glimmers of joy, and to reconnect with your truth after being silenced, hardened, or exhausted by survival mode.

This isn’t about rushing into a new plan—it’s about remembering who the hell you are, getting grounded, and letting purpose lead the way forward.

Top 7 Takeaways:

1. Let joy be your compass — When you’ve burned it all down, joy is your next step.
2. We’ve been conditioned to play small — Reconnecting with purpose means unlearning safety-based programming.
3. Square one isn’t failure—it's a return — To your truth, your dreams, your whole damn self.
4. Purpose doesn’t shout—it whispers — Pay attention to what lights you up when no one’s watching.
5. Don’t rebuild a prettier prison — Align your action with freedom, not old patterns.
6. Start before you're ready — Messy, imperfect, heart-led action is still badass action.
7. You are the author now — This next chapter is yours to write. No permission slip required.

Journal Prompts:

• What is the version of me that I am rebuilding now?
• Who am I leaving behind?
• What dreams have I buried that are ready to resurface?
• What would I write on the first page of the next chapter?
• What does joy feel like in my body—and when did I last feel it?
• What part of my old life do I want to bring forward into this new rebuild?
• What would I do this week if I trusted my inner compass more than the outer noise?

Let these questions guide you without judgment. This is a return to your intuition, your power, and your joy.

Contact + Weekly Inspiration:

If this episode lit something up in you, do me a huge favor and share it with someone who needs it.
 Tag us on Instagram at @badassthrivingpodcast and tell us what you're rebuilding this week, what your dreams are, or the glimmers that sparked your joy.

💌 Sign up for the Badass Avocado Newsletter at www.aisforavocados.com — one bold email a week with mindset gems, food wisdom, fitness tips, and reminders to show up like the badass that you are.

Just a reminder: You’re not behind. You’re rebuilding.
And that is the most badass thing you can do.

Transcript

0:04

​Hello, my little bad asses. Welcome to the podcast, badass Thriving, where We Go Beyond Mind, body, and Plate. I am your host, Caressa Dunphy, and I am so excited that you are here with me today. Now, if you've been with me in the last few episodes, you know that we've been laying some mental foundation, some, some literal groundwork for a lot of things that we, I hope are going to talk in a lot of detail over and over again. And so as I kind of get little epiphanies and, and you know, kind of remember certain little things that I can find helpful to, you know, put back out into the podcast, I will. But these are some topics that I think were such a great way to launch the podcast. Because we need to, you know, take inventory of where we're at before we can move forward. So in the first episode, I shared my own story. The second episode, we talk a lot about trust and rebuilding that trust connection with yourself. And in the third episode, we talk about rebuilding with intention. Now in the episode. Of rebuilding with intention. I do reference blowing some shit up. I reference coming in like a demolition crew and blowing shit up and then going and, you know, building forward with intention. So this week's episode is going to be about what do you do after you've blown everything up? And I'm not saying like, blow up your life so that, you know, you've just like annihilated everything I'm saying, like I. You know, you're rebuilding your life from here forward, and it doesn't mean literally drop a nuke in your whole life. And there's just catastrophe from here. I'm, I'm saying like, as a badass woman that you are of rebuilding with intention, with kindness with. Boundaries, so on and so forth. So again, that's where we're moving forward to from today because I literally, like, what's the next step that people wanna know after they've, you know, done some, some internal work in their life to be like, this is no longer serving me and I want to move forward with the intention. What is that? What is, what are people wanting? What is that next step? And so this is that. This is hopefully the next. Step. And so here is the truth, uh, where we are going to take this and move forward into hopefully what is a little bit of a roadmap for people. And hopefully you find it very helpful and, uh, you can, you know, move forward with great intentions. So the next, uh, forward progression into the, the badass life that you're building. So here's the truth is like if you've burned down, uh, parts of your life, or some parts of your life have crumbled beneath you, and you're staring at sort of this like blank page in front of you and you're like, all right, well what's next? Um, it can also feel really intimidating. It can feel like, well, this is too much and not enough all. At the same time, it's a very odd place to be and I've literally been there recently of, you know, my PhD got put on hold and so now I am sort of left with all this like blank space on my calendar and it's like I. Okay, well I guess I need to have a new dream right now, or I get to have a new dream right now. Like life threw me a bit of a curve ball, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Like what if everything fell apart, but it's actually falling into place. So I started asking myself a different question, and this is the question I'm gonna pose to you. If I could dream a bigger dream, what would that be? What would it feel like if I followed the things that felt like joy? What if from here I am putting my next step forward on a path that only feels like joy? If it is a whole body, yes, please, that lights my, my soul on fire. That is a yes, please. That is a, um, a life full of joy, right? So we all have something in our. In our dreams that maybe it got put on hold for a while, but it's like, what if we let Joy just lead us forward from here? We are starting from scratch in a way, but it's like when it feels like you have nothing left, joy is the thing that can lead us forward. So it's not about being perfect and it's not about the pressure and not someone else's timelines or rules. It's about what lights me up inside, what. Feels like joy because we've been programmed to think small, to stay safe. You know, we've talked about that in the previous episode. Our body is like, we're, we're not talking about thriving here, honey. We're talking about just surviving and not getting eaten by a bear, right? Like, we don't dream that big because that is scary. Well, let's let ourselves dream big. Let's let ourselves dream the things that feel like joy. Let's fill in the blank with that, right? I don't know if you've ever heard the term glimmers, but glimmers is a relatively new. Definition, if you will. And it's the little moments of your day that just feel like magic. Those little tiny moments that can just be so fleeting and it just brings you a smile. It just feels like this little tiny moment of just bliss. That's called the glimmer. And so if you follow these little glimmers throughout your day and you connect them like a connect, the connect the dot. Y that's, that's connecting one joy filled moment to the next. Like what if that's what led you forward? And so if we've been so busy, you know, surviving and people pleasing and proving and keeping it together, we forgot to dream. We forgot to follow those moments of joy. If we forgot to follow the glimmers, we forgot what lights us up. We forgot what it meant to be alive. And so. The question is what feels like joy to me? What is something that I could get lost in for hours and not even notice that the time has passed. Last night I was literally doing some, uh, some planning and some strategizing for the next weeks of, uh, podcast and for my, uh, nutrition business. And, and before I knew it, there was two hours gone from my day and I was like, oh, I should. Probably go make dinner. My kids are probably ravenous at this point, right? I knew that I, I picked the right topics of nutrition and fitness because I could talk about them for hours. People's eyes start to get a little glazed over and I'm like, oh, I should probably stop. But, you know, like, I get so excited and so passionate about it. Like I, I have a purpose there. Right. We're gonna talk about purpose here in a few minutes too, and so. It's just, it's going back to, okay, what are the things that I get so excited about? I'm so passionate about the things I love to talk about that I learned. I love to learn about that. I love to do, even if no one else gets it. No one else has to sign off on your joy. Okay? That's outsourcing, right? We don't outsource our joy If it lights you up and it's the dumbest little thing in the world to everybody else, who the fuck. Cares, like literally, I don't care If you want to go and make you know something that someone would deem childish, but it makes you happy and it, and it brings so much joy to your life, okay, go do it. Go fucking do it. You don't need anybody else's goddamn permission, just go fucking do it, right? That is your compass. So. Joy and purpose are linked, like they are intertwined on a way that just few people really understand. And that is the thing that can pull you out of the darkness is it doesn't have to be necessarily a clear picture, but it's about being curious about these things. What brings me joy? What is my purpose? What are, what are the things that light me up inside? Right? So it's about, you know, reclaiming this blank page, if you will. When I was looking at my calendar after getting, you know, the news that I can't go to school right now, I was like, okay, well I didn't come this far to only come this far. I've literally walked through fucking hell to get here and I'm better off for it. Don't get me wrong, but like. Okay, now, now is the time to rise from the ashes. Now is the time to grow. You know, I, I. You hear references of the wildfires that come through the forest and decimate everything, but that fire needs to happen so that certain plants can come back. You know, there are certain pine cones that only can, the seeds from them can only get released when the fire has come through. A fire has to come through and it also redistributes nutrients to the soil, right? Like we've all heard the, the. Um, the ancient stories of a phoenix rising again from the ashes, right? Like that is where you're at right now, is you get to say, I've walked through fire, everything that I knew was gone. The relationships, the routines, the roles, identities. It can feel like those ashes that you've just, you know, everything's. Blown up around you, but that ash is the fertile ground, and you're standing there and you get to take that next step. You are literally at square one. You get to say, where do I get to go from here? Square one isn't an ending. It is the return of yourself, your soul, back to yourself saying, honey, it got a little off track, but you know what, we're, we're gonna, we're gonna figure it out. You just have to trust that inside you know where you're supposed to go, and it's not always clear and it's not always. You know, a well illuminated path, and it's literally like I'm just gonna take one step forward. And it is the moment where you get to take out that pen and paper again, and you get to draw the biggest dream that you ever wanted to dream, and you get to keep adding on and you get to say, if not, or better, I want this, if not this. Or better, I get to say. And, and both. I don't have to say either or, right? I was sitting on a beach after I graduated recently, and I was realizing, I, I don't have anything planned after this. What the hell do I do with my free time? I get free time. I actually get to do something I enjoy, like for fun, and I started dreaming the. I started going, well, what about this and what about this and what about this? And maybe all those ideas won't stick. But you know what? I found a fire inside my soul again, and I knew for a while I'd wanted to start this podcast, and this was like, this is the first next step for me putting my voice out there. I get to choose to share my story. I get to choose to say. This is my story, and it did not break me. It almost broke me, but it didn't break me because I was stronger. Being quiet, almost killed me. Now I get to use my voice and I get to empower others and I get to light someone else up. That is a purpose for me. That brings me full of joy and spark and man, do I get all, all fired up about that kind of stuff. I see people struggling and I just wanna be like, oh honey. Oh, honey, come with me. I've got you. Right? So if you're standing at square one as well, you get to say, what the fuck I wanna do with my life is my choice. So that is what you get to do. You get to dream. Big. You get to dream recklessly. You get to remember the dreams you had when you were little, the ones you never said out loud because you thought someone might laugh. You get to reclaim any little tiny dream that you had, even as an adult, the ones that you buried or you put on the shelf because you thought you weren't allowed. Right? You are allowed. You can choose that right now. Who and what you want to bring forward. With you. This is your life and you are the author, and today is a damn good day to start writing the next chapter in your life. Hell, you can write the next novel. I don't fucking care. It's your story, right? Yeah. So if we are moving forward with this, we're, we're going to move forward from that intention of moving forward into now this aligned action. So, you know, we've talked a lot about rebuilding with intention, but with intention, without action. That's just daydreaming. And there's nothing wrong with daydreaming. But if you want to actually have a life that is joyful and full of purpose, you actually have to. Do something, there's an action required, right? And you also have to ask about who do I wanna be? Right? So those are two very different things. It's not just what do I need to do all the time? It's about who do I need to be in order for all of this to move forward like this? So this episode. Is your permission slip. So if you are waiting for a permission slip from someone, this is it. This is your p your your permission to move into your power. I shouldn't have to say that, but if that's what you need, then there it is. Um, you know, rebuilding isn't mean rushing into the next thing either. It means. It doesn't necessarily mean going back to what hurt you. It doesn't mean having to earn your worth. It means choosing to again and again, align with what feels true to you, and that is. The returning home to yourself Every single day, every single day, finding a few minutes to be like, all right, I might have gotten a little off my path because you know, crazy stuff was happening. But here I am, bringing it back, bringing it back to who I am, getting back in touch with who I am, deep down. And then from there I go forward. Right? So this aligned action is quiet. It's often not very sexy. Like it's not all glamor, it's all, you know, not these glamorous Instagram reels, right? It's taking the next best step without having a perfect plan. If anything, it feels really. Crazy scary because it doesn't feel like I have guardrails around me anymore. I'm just like, all right, we're gonna walk this path and we're gonna go down this slippery slope. And you know what? It's gonna be fucking fun. It's an adventure. And if you have that kind of mindset of like, it is going to be messy and it is gonna be beautiful and it is gonna be an adventure, it kind of takes off some of that pressure. That's just my personal take on it. Um, because it does feel. Very scary to step out into this unknown space. You know, I'm living it and breathing it. You know, I'm only like a few steps ahead of you girlfriend, like I'm right there too. So. It's, it's just asking yourself, what is the most grounded version of me going to do next? You know, I don't wanna come from a place of kinetic, frantic, chaotic energy when I'm making decisions, and I am learning how to regulate that with myself. I'm learning to acknowledge. Okay, right now I need to take a few deep breaths and I need to calm the hell down and I need to just sort of like reregulate myself and then I can come back and I can make this next decision. And to realize, you know, when that feels like that, to also realize my body is. In more of a fight or flight moment and not in a, you know, we're gonna thrive here moment, right? So again, that breath work again, going for a walk outside again, going for, you know, a gym session, go getting some food in you, go, getting hydrated. All of those things to cover your bases, you know, if you need to go and get a really good night. Sleep. Go get a really good night's sleep. Go take a nap. Go do what you gotta do, right? And so then you can come back and you can say, all right, now I can make this decision. I needed to, you know, just get back to a good baseline first. You know, don't get so caught up in your hamster brain again that you just let your analytical brain just spin outta control and then you're paralyzed. To take the next step. It's knowing the difference between, this is just not the right time to make this decision. I need to go, you know, get, get myself back on track first, and then I'll come back and then I'll take that, that aligned to action, right? So sometimes it's just creating that space so that you can do that. Um. It's about honoring the life that you want, but it's also about honoring your body right here, right now with what you can do, you know, and, and to just make the next rights decision. It doesn't have to be the 10 year plan or anything like that, right? Um, it's, it's here to rebuild because you don't wanna. You don't wanna rebuild the same prison, but with prettier wallpaper, you know what I mean? Like if you keep doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result, that's the definition of insanity. I'm just gonna say it. Um, so it comes from really having to rework that programming in your brain that is just running and running and running on a loop. And you have to just be like, all right, I have to interrupt that thought pattern. I have to do that kind of work so that then I can move forward. Right. So you're here to just create that life that feels like freedom. That's what we're all after, right? It's not about having more money in the bank account. It's about the feeling of having the freedom to do what you wanna go do and travel and to pay off expenses and debts and whatever. It's the freedom. It's. Feeling that you are after to have more money in the bank account. Okay? So it's about reconnecting with what feels like freedom to you, what feels like purpose to you. So reconnecting with that is so, so pivotal and. I just wanna share this quote that I heard a few months ago, and it just blew my mind. I had to listen to it about six times because it was so good. It was such a gem. So I'm just gonna say it once, but I'm giving you, you know, a heads up. This is really important. The opposite of depression isn't happiness, it's purpose. They've done studies on this apparently, where they, you know. Followed people who were really depressed and they gave them everything that they wanted. They gave them all the money. They gave them everything that they wanted. They gave them the status. They gave them whatever they wanted, and people couldn't get outta this depressed state because they thought that having all those things would make them happy. Instead, for the next part of the research project, they said, all right, what are the things that make you feel like you have purpose? And that was where people found their happiness was by going and doing the things that gave them purpose. That purpose was the things that were joyful, that were joy. You know, joy led, helping other people, doing all the things that, you know, were giving to others and not just taking for themselves. Right? So the opposite of depression is not happiness, it is purpose. So when we've lost our way, or when we've survived trauma or the betrayal or burnout or identity shattering events, any of those things are horrible, we often lose our why. Right? Like we lose that purpose. We lose the why we. And then we don't trust ourselves. We lose that. We have a disconnect with ourselves that we don't even recognize ourselves anymore. Like I look back on the periods of my life and I'm like, I felt like I was a shell. I felt like I wasn't really there I was. Just barely surviving. I was doing the things, but I was not there. My soul just felt like it was so diminished, like it was just this tiny, tiny, tiny little light inside of me that was just, just barely there, you know? And it just, it hurt. It hurt to not feel. Truly alive. So purpose doesn't mean just showing up with like a marching band, right? And just like coming in and being the loudest person in the room, it's, it's a whisper. So that purpose is that deep whisper inside you, and it's connected to joy. I guarantee it. I guarantee if you start looking for what brings you joy, you're gonna find your purpose there. You're gonna say, okay, what is the thing? And then is there a problem that I can help solve with this thing? Right? You start looking at out at the world around you slightly different way. When you start looking at it like that, and then you go, I could make a difference there. I could make a difference there. I could do this one little project over here and I could help someone. I could do this other little project over there, and it can help a different group of people, right? Like you, you kind of find like there are multiple ways that you can find purpose. So in the moment that you feel you're self exhaling for the first time in weeks, that there's this idea that just won't leave you alone, like you know that you're on track, then the conversations where you light up inside, you know you're on track, you don't find that purpose. It's like you remember your purpose and it really did feel like I was coming home to myself when I. Started listening more to the Whisper when I was like, oh my God, it is there. It's always been there. It just was so quiet that I didn't hear it among all the noise around me. And you remember who you are before the world told you who you needed to be. So from here, I would just love to give some journal prompts that I think might be really helpful moving forward, taking, you know, what I've just been speaking about and you know, integrating it into your own life of what is the version of me that I am rebuilding now, and who am I leaving behind? What baggage can I leave behind me Kind of a thing too, right? Like I don't need to bring some of this with me. I'm going on a journey. Not all of it's gonna fit in the luggage and the suitcase, so some of it's gotta stay back, right? What dreams have I buried that are ready to resurface? What would I write on the first page of the next chapter? What does joy feel like in my body? And when did I last feel it? What part of my old life do I want to intentionally bring forward into this new rebuild? What would I do this week if I trusted my inner compass more than the outer noise? I would just encourage you to let these prompts guide you. Don't overthink'em. Just get honest, get curious. Start asking a different question, right? Just without the judgment. Just ask myself, what do I really wanna be when I grow up? I love that. I'm 37 years old. People are like, so what are you gonna do now? And I'm like, oh, what do you, what? What do I wanna be when I grow up? And I'm like, hell fine now. Because there's so much out there. So why limit myself, right? Why, why limit yourself? There's so many beautiful things and you know, really it's just about taking that next step and who knows where that might lead you, right? So in closing, I want to remind you that you know that you, you're a badass when you choose joy, even when it feels unfamiliar. When you dare to dream again after life knocked you down. You honor your truth, even if others don't understand it. You take aligned action without needing perfectionism. You rebuild not to prove your worth, but to reclaim your power. This is your square one. This is the blank page. This is your invitation home to yourself, and this, this is where the real badassery begins. Here is this episode's. Top takeaways. Number one, let joy be your compass When you've burned it all down, joy is your next step. Number two, we've been conditioned to play small. Reconnecting with purpose means unlearning safety based programming. Number three, square one isn't failure. It's a return to your truth, your dreams, and your whole damn self. Number four, purpose doesn't shout it whispers. Pay attention to what lights you up when no one is watching. Number five, don't rebuild a prettier prison. Align your action with freedom, not old patterns. Number six, start before you're ready. Messy, imperfect, heart led action is still badass. Action number seven. You are the author now. This next chapter is yours to write. No permission slip required. If this episode lit something up in you, do me a huge favor and share it with someone who needs it. Tag at Badass Thriving Podcast on Instagram and tell us what you're rebuilding this week, what your dreams are, or any of the little magical moments of glimmers in your day. I would love to hear. You can also sign up for the Badass Avocado Newsletter at www. A is for avocados.com. It's one bold email a week with mindset, gems, food wisdom, fitness tips and reminders to show up like the badass that you are, you are not behind. You are rebuilding, and that is the most badass thing that you can do. See you next week. You little badass. Go out there and make it a good one.