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Hello, my little bad asses. This is your host, Caressa Dunphy. I'm a registered dietitan and I love talking about all things that are beyond the plate, so beyond. Your nutrition and your fitness, the mindset work, all of those things. I feel like they all have a place at the table and they all need to be talked about. And so if you have been following my podcast, if you've caught the first season, we talk a lot about. The mental mindset, the systems, all of that kind of stuff that goes into making sustainable changes. And so here I am. I'm not sure exactly if this is gonna be season two or not, but you know, I've got some stuff I wanna just sort of. Talk about like we're sitting and having a cup of coffee like two friends do. So here's where I'm at. I am a couple weeks past my end of my season one, I decided to hit pause. I was getting really burnt out. It was the first time in a hot minute that I had been able to do that, and I'm talking like a couple of decades in the making. Where I'm not achieving, striving towards the next degree, the next set of classes, the next term. You know, I did all of that and if you followed my journey, you know that I'm accepted into a PhD program. But because of the lack of federal funding for incoming doctoral students, that has been put on pause. So. After I passed my dietitan credentialing and I took a breather, I'm kind of thinking, okay, well what's next for me? And the truth was that there was no job opportunities and I was looking to ways to create my next job opportunities, and that all of a sudden the dream job that I had been told wasn't gonna be available for a while. Presented itself. And so right here, right now, that is looking like that's moving forward and that's gonna change life for us for the better. But I'm sitting here, actually, I'm standing and walking through the woods. I took a little, woodland jaunt.'cause that's my sanctuary. That's where I go to get my head, you know, screwed back on straight. So oftentimes I'm recording podcasts while I'm walking because. That's what feels good to me. That's what feels aligned to me. That's where I get my intuition, my intuitive downloads from the universe, all those things. And so here I am just sort of making way through all these decisions and thoughts and muddled, ideas and what have you, you gotta sit with it, right? You've got to take a minute to organize your thoughts and to make them. Cohesive and get them lined up and you know, try to get your ducks in a row, if you will. But in my experience, ducks don't like to be in a row. They like to wander off. And so you can never actually keep all your ducks in a row because, well that just takes a lot of effort. So I am in this weird. Headspace where I'm like, oh my goodness, if this job position is in fact meant for me, then it will line up. And it has been, it was one of those really crazy cool things where I was having a conversation with the universe, just the universe in me, internal dialogue while I was, a passenger in a vehicle driving through the mountain range, coming back from a little family trip, and I had no cell service. So that's why the mountain component there is important to the story. I had no cell service and I thought, all right, I don't have any cell service to listen to music, so I put my phone down, having the internal dialogue, and I said, all right, universe, I'm ready for some fucking magic. I am ready for some fucking magic. If not this, I would like better. Not that I wanna say that I'm entitled to say I deserve better, but I am worthy of more. I have hopes and dreams, and for the first time this last summer, I was able to actually dream bigger dreams. And I was like, why do I have these bigger dreams? Why? Why? What am I worthy and capable of these bigger dreams? And I held that and I thought, you know what? I am worthy of these bigger dreams. I am worthy of a life so full of magic and abundance, that it makes your teeth hurt. I am worthy of everything, my heart desires. I want a big and beautiful life. I am tired of playing small my whole life. I was told to be smaller, to be quieter, to be less than who I was meant to be at a very young age. I knew that I was meant for bigger things. I knew at a very young age that I was the leader of the group because I was always the one leading. I knew at a very young age I would become a leader, but when I was told that I'm too much of a know-it-all, too controlling, too bossy, too whatever, because when you're a girl, being a leader is frowned upon. But in fact, if I had been male. Those things would've been celebrated and put into a much more positive connotation. And so now that I have spent a good bit of time doing some internal work, I am returning to the person that I always knew I was meant to be. My soul has always nudged me in the right direction. My soul has always said, you are worthy, but I didn't hear the whispering. I didn't hear it because I was so broken from the shit in my life that tried to crush me. I was out of touch with that intuition, that gut feeling. When shit went sideways, I heard that intuition loud and clear, and it told me to get the fuck out of that situation. Multiple times. Actually I was broken because people are fucking assholes and they bleed all over people who didn't cut them, and I was the person that got cut. I was the person that got hurt because of it. I'm a very kind and sensitive person, and people tried to take advantage of that. And it wasn't until I walked away, I was like, oh fuck no. We're putting up some motherfucking boundaries. That I found who I was again, and it was only through wandering in these woods that I truly came home to myself. It's taken me a long time because the hurt and the brokenness where a belief system that I told myself they were a belief I told myself in order to survive, and now you have to shed those layers a little bit at a time. So that you can walk yourself back home to who you are. And in these woods, I have been tearing up because this is where I go to fall apart and find myself again. This is where I go, this is my sanctuary. Because the trees are not gonna judge me. They're not gonna tell me that I'm less than they're gonna listen to me and they're gonna hold me. The universe is here. I don't need to be in a church to talk to God. I don't call the universe God. I label. The being that is out there is universe because that feels aligned to me because growing up religion was shoved down my throat. So that particular phrase of God feels very icky to me. So I say universe, and I remember years ago, it was before my big journey into coming back home to myself. Asking What's out there? What am I doing with my life? Those kinds of weird questions. Right. We all have at some point, I'm sure. And I just heard this whisper. The universe said, she's got my back. I've got you. And I still have a picture of where I was standing. I was doing a walk by the bay here I still have heard that whisper that I've got you. Earlier this week I was doing some internal work on myself because there was some stuff coming up around, building my programs and promoting those programs and feeling like, you know, who am I to think that I can, make money on the stuff? And I'm like, wait, this stuff is important and, I'm worthy of receiving financial wealth. Because what I have to say. It's going to make an impact on people's lives, and I would like to be able to make an impact while making an income in a way that feels very aligned and very wholesome. So I'm not out here to get ya, you know, I'm not here to make a fast buck in any ways. I put this content out because it means something to me, and I would love to put together programs that support this to help other women on their journey because I feel like there's not enough in this space. Where we blend nutrition and fitness and mental mindset work together in a way like this. I haven't come across anything like that. So again, this is my launching pad, if you will. So anyway, this week I am sitting with this conversation, internal conversation, if you will, around what is coming up for me. There's something sticky that's happening, some kind of resistance that I'm feeling around promoting my business and promoting my, all my experience, and of course all my training and in as a dietitan and as a exercise physiologist, right? So. I realized that there was a little part of me who, as a little girl, was still stuck in being told she wasn't enough. I visualized who was I gonna be when I was, you know, decades older. The accomplished version of myself, the person who's lived several more decades, has more wisdom, has more experience, so a grandmother version of me, and it was so powerful. It's still gonna bring tears to my eyes of this older version of me. Going back and holding the 4-year-old version of me and being told that I'm enough, being told I am worthy. And I kept reminding myself, I am safe to feel this. So that word safe was coming up. Another word that was coming up for me was being heard. And another word was being held. So being safe to be heard and to be held. And that is my own work. But I also truly believe that this can apply to so many people who didn't get what they needed as a small child who are now having to go back and reparent themselves to look at those small, little broken pieces of us and to look at them with so much love and curiosity and to hold that space. Because we can only grow as fast as our nervous system will allow us. And if we're feeling these resistance pieces within us, these little spots that feel sticky and crunchy and just sort of, you know, weird inside where you're like, something is off and I can't quite explain it. Waned. That's where we do the work. There's a conversation lately with one of my clients about being vulnerable. And I think this certainly applies here too, because when we are in this moment of growth where we want bigger things for ourselves. We know that we want bigger things for ourselves, but it's like our nervous system starts sabotaging our journey to get there because it feels threatened because growth is scary. Our nervous system doesn't like scary. Our nervous system thinks that any threat like that is where we're gonna die. Like our survival mechanisms kick in hardcore. We go into that fight or flight or freeze. We go into, you know, just self-sabotage cycle and that can certainly show up within our nutrition, within our fitness, within our other relationships, because we haven't taken apart those pieces and looked at them with love and curiosity and how can we make ourselves feel safe. Feel heard and feel held, and so that was just so powerful for me that I thought, oh my gosh, I absolutely have to share this with you all because. If I'm on my personal Jo journey and I find some awesome nuggets like this and I don't share, it's doing everyone else a disservice. So it may not be, you know, A hundred percent correct. It could be a little woo. Whatever. This is my path and my journey, I'm sharing it. And the vulnerability piece that comes up often is that we don't wanna sit with that shadow side of us. We don't want to sit with the components because it feels icky inside. So again. That's some deep work to do on yourself. If you need a mental health counselor or a therapist, please do that for yourself. I am not a mental health counselor or therapist. This is my own journey and my own experiences that I'm sharing, it was. Really interesting when my client was expressing this vulnerability component on how she knows that she wants to show up and do the work, but then when it comes time for the action component, the sabotage that is happening because her nervous system feels stuck, right? I'm putting words in her mouth right there at that little pit, but I'm coaching her through it of trying to remind her. That you have to allow your nervous system to come along for the ride, because otherwise it's gonna say, I'm not gonna follow the macro plan. I'm going to eat whatever I want tonight because that feels soothing and safe. And then get, instead taking that component apart and looking at it with curiosity and asking. Okay, why is this showing up for me? What is this mean to me? If it's sabotaging fitness of, you know, I'm putting in all these other excuses because I don't want to go into this place where I feel uncomfortable. The gym feels really big and really scary.'cause that's foreign to me. I don't understand how to use some of the machines, or I'm afraid people are gonna judge me. Again, sitting with that and allowing yourself the space to breathe through that. And to take your time, the worst thing that you could do for yourself is try to rush through it instead of sit in that uncomfortable space, because otherwise the growth is not gonna happen. You're gonna bypass amazing opportunities there. And so again, it's not easy. But it is a hundred percent achievable if you're willing to do not just the physical reps of it, but the mental repetitions of it, of I am safe here. I am heard, I am held, and I am doing big, scary new things. I haven't learned all of this yet. You know, it's the yet part at the end of that sentence that is so powerful because it's telling your brain. Yeah, you're right. I don't know all the things, but I'm learning and I will know more things soon, as long as I keep trying, you know, the visualization of seeing yourself in six months time after you've committed to doing a program of, you know. Better nutrition and better fitness, and really getting into what it looks like to dig deep into that, what that looks like literally in your brain, your brain doesn't know the difference between if something actually happened or if you imagined it. And so. The more you can imagine it, the more that you can visualize it. There's a reason that, these really amazing athletes go out and visualize the game. They go out and they practice physically, but it's the visualization, the mental repetitions that actually increase overall performance. And so again, to sit with the vulnerability component of it. Can be very uncomfortable. So I want to tell you it is okay. you have to tell yourself It is okay. I am safe. I am safe to learn new things. I am safe to step in this new, bigger, more powerful version of me. I am safe. Safe to receive this new opportunity. And so like I'm sitting here and doing this kind of regulation on my own self because again, my nervous system is still sometimes stuck back being that little girl who's going, but I deserve better, but I know who I'm supposed to be. You know, as a small child being told to be small, eventually you become small. And I did. Could not seek approval and love unless I did so, and then now I'm undoing all of that work. Right? So. that's gonna be my lifelong journey. let me tell you, it's not easy.'cause there's always gonna be little bits that come up. There's always gonna be triggers of some kind. Like I am a parent, I have two boys, and the amount of times that I have to take a deep breath and pause for a second because there's something that was said or done where I'm like, oof, there is a little trigger for me. Oh, that's interesting. Well, let's unpack that. Right? So that kind of terminology of, well, that's interesting. What's happening for me, that's curiosity. That's not judgment and shame. So again, unpacking what you've got going on without the shame component. It takes a hot minute to figure out how to do that because we are so programmed into this. If you didn't follow your food exactly, shame on you. If you gave up on your diet, shame on you. If you threw in the towel because you were too sore, you know, one day, shame on you. Why bother? Keep going. Right? And so it is diet, culture, and so many other well-meaning individuals in our life that have done this. And it's not fair, but it happens. And so it's not about growing a thicker skin, it's about setting better boundaries. If you have well-meaning people in your life who are doing this to you. Time to have a little bit of reflection on that and some conversation perhaps, and then also figuring out what it is that you need. It is not selfish to start taking care of yourself. It is selfless because the more that you can show up fully and authentically you, the more that you can use your voice, the more that you can be aligned to who you are. The more that you are gonna show the people around you, what it feels like to truly step into your power, to fully be aligned, to truly live, genuinely and authentically. And I'm not saying that I have it figured out, but I'm saying maybe I'm a couple steps ahead of you and I can share. This wisdom that I have figured out through years of reflection and journey through my own stuff. So I hope that this lands with you. I hope that you took something from this. As always, I am here to support you. I'm just an email away, so. You can email me over at the Badass Thriving podcast@gmail.com and just tell me what's going on. Tell me how I can hold space for you. Tell me how I can support you and encourage you, because that is what I'm trying to do around here. I'm trying to build a community of badass people who can hold space, who can support each other, who can say, you are safe. You are heard, and you are held. go live your most badass, authentic lives. I am here for you all my love.