The Self-Love Practice That Transforms Your Relationships (Nervous System First Dating)

Before you can attract healthy love, you have to like yourself first. In today’s episode, I’m breaking down one of the most powerful — and most overlooked — foundations of healthy relationships: Mirror Work.

So many people tell me:

👉 “I want someone who’s loyal.”

👉 “I want someone who takes care of themselves.”

👉 “I want someone who knows what they want.”

But when I ask if they’re being that person first, they hesitate.

Because the truth is: You attract who you are emotionally prepared for.

If you don’t love yourself... If you’re not taking care of yourself mentally and physically...

If you don’t know how to give yourself the appreciation you’re hoping to receive from someone else... You’ll keep repeating the same patterns in your relationships.

Inside this episode, we’ll explore:

✅ What mirror work actually is — and why it’s essential for relationship success

✅ How your nervous system wiring determines who you’re attracted to

✅ Why self-love is not just a buzzword — but the foundation of emotional safety

✅ How shared values (not just chemistry) determine compatibility

✅ The uncomfortable truth about why so many people struggle to stay consistent with self-love

This is the nervous system first approach to dating.

Because when your nervous system is dysregulated, even the healthiest relationship won’t feel safe.

Healing starts with YOU.

🎯 Ready to finally break your patterns and attract real love?

👉 Join me LIVE for my upcoming free event:

✨ Heal, Grow, Attract: Nervous System First Dating

💡 I’ll walk you step-by-step through: How to identify your relationship patterns

The nervous system healing tools you need BEFORE dating again

How to finally feel safe enough to receive healthy love

🎟️ Reserve your free spot here → https://www.thesammorris.com/hgawaitlist

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Transcript

Hello. So this is another one of my Get Ready With Me editions. Obviously if you're watching on video you will see that I'm getting ready. So today I was talking with one of my clients. So I'm just getting ready. I'm going out for food with my friend.

who recently went through a breakup. And so I think she is actually hoping to get some advice from me, but yeah. was speaking to a client this morning about the concept of mirror work, right? And you've all heard me talk about mirror work in one sense, in the sense that, you know, to practice stuff. So.

practice before you go on a date, practice before you go for a new job, know, whatever it is, practice it in the mirror. You've obviously, you've heard me talk about when I used to work with people who had offended sexually, I would practice in the mirror the things that I was going to say to make sure that my face remained neutral, regardless of what

you know, personal feelings were. And that isn't what I'm going to talk to you about today. So today I want to talk to you about mirror work in the sense of, you mirroring what you want back in life? So my client today, he was talking about how he just wants someone who is loyal.

and he wants someone who takes care of themselves like physically and mentally.

Sam Morris (02:10.144)
and I asked him whether he was doing those things himself and he was like, what do you mean? And I said, well, you know, are you loyal to everyone? Are you loyal to friends? Are you loyal to family? And he was like, yep, I am 100%. And I was like, cool, okay. So do you take care of yourself?

and he was like, what do mean? said, well, you know, mentally, do you take care of yourself? And he was like, oh, yes, I come see you. And I was like, fair.

And I said, and what about physically?

Sam Morris (02:55.904)
And he said, what do you mean?

And I said, well, you know, do you feel like you are in peak physical condition to... And that's kind of, you know, me as a coach, I'm not gonna tell you what you want to hear and a lot of the time I won't give you the answer, I'll wait for you to come to the conclusion yourself. But ultimately his answer was no.

And I said to him, how can you expect someone else to take care of themselves but you not do the same thing?

And he was like, well, I suppose I can't. And I said, well, exactly. And the thing is, like, you get this kind of with marriages as well. You will have people that expect their spouse to look a certain way, to be exactly how they were when they first got together and all of that. But then that person who expects that doesn't do the same.

and it creates a of a disconnect and it creates a disconnect with the universe as well. Sorry, I'm really concentrating so I've got no facial expressions at all.

Sam Morris (04:29.546)
I will always say to people...

What are you putting out for what you're getting back? If you are not a loyal person, if you are rude to people,

then how are you going to attract someone that is the opposite to that? Now people always say opposites attract and I don't truly believe that because you have to have some sort of shared value else you aren't compatible.

If you are really, really...

competitive or you really want to advance in your career or if you're really kind of, I want to go travelling and then you meet someone that is the opposite to that, they want to sit at home all day, they don't want to work, you're not compatible. And it doesn't matter, you you can put some sugar on it and make it sound great, but ultimately you're not compatible.

Sam Morris (05:47.576)
And that is it.

Sam Morris (05:52.842)
I meet with lot of people that want certain things and they'll say they want certain things from a partner but they are not putting out those things themselves. So the idea of mirror work is for you to actually take a big deep look at yourself and work out who you are. Who are you? Do you look at yourself and like yourself? Can you stare at yourself in the mirror?

for a prolonged period of time and not think anything negative about yourself? And if the answer is no, then that is where you need to start first. It's not a dating tip, it's not a this is how you find someone and all of that jazz, because if you don't actually like yourself, how are you ever supposed to find...

someone that you want when you don't even know who you are. That's why I always start people off on kind of a self-love journey because that's really the only thing that makes sense. You need to love yourself enough first to know who you are, what you want and if you don't, if you don't like the look of yourself in the mirror, that's where you need to start first. So what do you think?

Do you like the look of yourself?

Sam Morris (07:27.906)
Let me know. I'm Sam Morris. I'll speak to you soon.