Welcome to the podcast. Today we are going to talk about being nervous for summer to come, for a change in our routines, for a schedule difference. What are we going to do to entertain these kiddos all summer long? Let's cover that and how we work with it. Welcome to the Autism Diagnosis to Confident Mom podcast with Kira from Kira Brown Coaching. I'm a mom of Neurospicy Kids and a life coach. I'm here to share real tips and support to help you feel confident as a parent. So I find myself super nervous and anxious about school getting out. Everybody else is excited for their kids to get out, and I'm kind of a nervous wreck. Let's talk about that. Are you feeling that way? Or are you excited? Are you done fighting with the school system? Um my particular kiddo does really well at school because there's a routine, and this year he has a really awesome teacher who knows how to work with him. So it's a good fit for him right now, and I'm nervous to take that away. Um, summer schedules tend to be random and they tend to be chaotic, and I don't really want to have every minute of every day planned out down to a science. I want to go with the flow a little bit. That's probably a little bit of my ADHD in me, but um, I have noticed that I'm super nervous about it, and so I'm gonna talk to myself just as much as I'm talking to you, but let's talk about being nervous or anxious. First of all, we feel things because we have thoughts in our brain about a circumstance. So the circumstance here for us is school gets out on June 3rd. There's nothing like if you just school gets out on June 3rd until you have a thought about that, that is really boring. It's just a piece of information, right? Like, but when I have a thought about that, when I hear school is getting out on June 3rd, and I think I don't know what to do with my autistic kiddo for the summer, then I feel anxious. Right? So the first step is just to remember that we're feeling these feelings because of thoughts in our brain, and the thoughts aren't wrong, the thoughts aren't bad, they are just human. We all have thoughts. In fact, we have like, I don't remember, it's like 60 or 90,000 thoughts in a day. Like it's a lot of them are just we don't even realize we're thinking them. That's why a life coach is really helpful because they can help you pull up these thoughts that you don't know that you have, but that you're even realize that you're thinking, but they're just it's just created from thoughts that we have, and so there's nothing wrong. Your brain is working as it's supposed to. Um and I also want to let you know that when we worry about something, we're just feeling bad about something that might happen in the future. Think about that. If I'm worried that there that I might get in a car crash, and I'm like planning all the things in case that happens, I'm feeling bad about a possible situation. How likely am I to get in a car crash? Probably not very likely. I don't know what the percentages of people that get in a car crash on any given day, but so that's where you have to decide. Do I really want to feel bad about something that might happen? Let's turn this back to our autistic and ADHD kiddos. I can be nervous and anxious that school is getting out, and that is fine. Or I can decide I don't want to do that because I'm feeling bad that the summer might not go smoothly. What happens if the summer goes smoothly? Then I feel bad for nothing. Has it solved anything? I can't solve anything in advance. I don't know what all of the pieces to the puzzle are. That's like trying to solve a 500-piece puzzle of 10 pieces. So it's up to you. Do you want to worry about it or do you want to redirect your brain to think about something else instead? It could be anything. What's your favorite song? Start singing it. What do you what's something you're trying to figure out? Maybe you, you know, redirect to problem solving a different problem. You're your brain is always looking to solve a problem, and so you can give it whatever problem you want to focus on. Um, another way, if you have a really hard time with this, is you can decide I'm gonna worry at a certain time. Maybe you do want to worry. It's okay. We can worry and be anxious about the summer. I am, but you know what? I'm gonna do it at Fridays at 4 o'clock for half an hour. So when that stress and that anxiety comes to my brain, I'm gonna be like, I hear you, brain. We're gonna worry about that on Friday at 4 o'clock. And then at Friday at 4 o'clock, I'm like, okay, we're gonna worry and stress about this for 30 minutes. It's just a little trick of the trade. Okay, so feel nervous if you want, but know that you don't have to. It's optional. You can change what you're thinking about it. You can decide to worry at a certain time if you want to worry some, but not all day, every day. Okay. Um, something else that might be very helpful transitioning to summertime, it's visual schedules. I know, I know. Visual schedules, visual schedules, visual schedules. Everybody says that, but what does it mean? I don't understand. Do I have to cut out a million little pictures of my kid doing different things and have everything completely laid out? No, no. In fact, I have a dear friend from Texas who has an autistic kiddo who's now, I think he's 21. I could be wrong on that age, but he's grown, okay, still lives at home, and they draw out a daily schedule every night for the next day. So they have like a picture, like butcher paper or something, a roll of paper, or you could do it on a whiteboard or whatever, and you're just gonna, you're just gonna, if your kiddo can read, you can write it. If not, you can draw some pictures. But what are you doing in the morning? We're gonna get up and get ready, and then we're gonna go to the store and grocery shop, and then we're gonna come home and have lunch. Then we're gonna have some free time. You can play outside or inside, but it's playtime. Then we're gonna get ready for dinner, then we're gonna take baths because it's bath night, and then we're gonna go to bed, and you're gonna draw that down so they know, and you talk about it the night before, so they know what's coming. This is what we call front loading. We tell them ahead of time, they know what's coming, they can see it, they can prepare for it in their brain. A lot of kiddos have a hard time with summer because we don't let them know what's coming, and it's well, it might seem relaxing to us to just fly by the seat of our pants on summer and not be all scheduled out. It is not to them. It is kind to them to know what is coming so that they can prepare for it. So just do that. If you want to get more detail, that's fine. If you want to have a structured schedule, that's fine. But if you don't want to, you don't have to. Just letting them know where they can see it is a great plan. Um, and we talked about front lighting a little bit, but that's the second part of this visual schedule. Letting them know in advance. Um, if it's something major, maybe you want to let them know several days in advance. Hey, on Saturday, we're going to a wedding. Next week on Wednesday, we're traveling in the car 10 hours to grandma's house for the week. Let them know, okay, in advance. But also, this works. Let's say we're in town and the grocery shopping and errands takes longer than we expected in the visual schedule that I gave you earlier. And so we're not gonna have lunch at home, we're gonna have lunch in town. Hey, the store didn't have what I needed it to. We need to go to another store, so we're gonna add a store. So we're gonna go to XYZ and then we will go to the store that we had planned. Or grocery shopping as tinker took longer than I anticipated it will. So we're going to go to McDonald's or wherever it is you're gonna go, right? We're gonna go to McDonald's and eat, and then we'll go back to our errands. When we get home, you can then have playtime. Do you see how that works? You just let them know what's happening instead of just allowing them to try to figure it out. Neurotypical kids are like, okay, whatever, we're just hanging out with mom, it's fine. But an autistic or an ADHD kiddo likes to know what's going on. Um, yeah, I lost my train of thought. I don't know what else I was gonna say with that. And then the third thing is gather data throughout the summer. What works, what doesn't. I, for example, always tried to schedule her dentist appointments at like 9 or 10 o'clock in the morning, and they would go horribly. Horribly. I thought there was something about the dentist's office. Like we go in there and my children would lose their minds, right? And then one time we went at one o'clock in the afternoon, right after lunch, and it went smoothly. And I was like, what? Guess what time I schedule all dentist appointments now? I gathered that data. Going in right before lunch when they're hungry doesn't work so well, but going right after lunch does. So rent some errands in the morning, get some lunch, go to the dentist. Okay. Um, another example of gathering data is uh we know that uh tesser kiddos don't always sleep the best. Well, mine will go to bed at night most nights, but he likes to get up between four and five most mornings, and I don't like to get up that early. So I like to say, go quietly watch some TV in the living room. But the data that I've gathered is when he gets up and he gets on the TV right away. We have more meltdowns during the day. So I gathered that data. So I get to decide: do I want more meltdowns today because I really want more sleep? Or do I come up with something else for him to do ahead of time that's already set out for him to do, so I don't have to get up and help him, whatever it is. But I gathered that data. I figured out that a movie after lunch, he does fine, it doesn't affect him at all. So um, so you gather data and build that into your schedule. The third thing I want to talk to you about, um about being ready for summer and the schedule change is to get curious. Um be curious about everything. If we already think this is going to go horrible, guess what? Your brain loves to be right, so it is gonna make sure that this goes horribly. So let's talk about this. What do we want? Let's what are some good empowering questions that we can use? Our brains are looking for answers all the time. If we give it crappy questions, it's gonna give us crappy answers. Why is this happening to me? Because you're a horrible person. That's what my brain says. Because you're not a good enough mom. Because you don't know what you're talking about. But what if instead of saying why is this happening to us, I ask the question, what is triggering the meltdown? My brain's not gonna come back with you're a horrible person, that's why. My brain's gonna start to notice what's going on, and then I'm gonna realize oh, maybe he's hungry. Maybe I didn't front load. Maybe see how my brain starts looking for different things. So use empowering questions, use helpful questions. If you need help with this, schedule a call with me and we'll talk about this, okay? Um, and there I want to talk about really quickly while we're being curious, especially when it comes down to meltdowns. I have four things that I have learned through therapy with my child that often trigger meltdowns. These are like their basic needs. Are they tired? If they are overtired, they're going to be more likely to melt down. Are they hungry? Do they feel securely connected to you at the moment? And do they have a sensory overload or underwhelm? Once again, are they tired? Are they hungry? Do they feel connected? Do they have a sensory issue going on? A lot of times, if we solve that, we'll solve our meltdowns. Um, and with the sensory, I find it's best to look ahead. Like let's try to meet those sensory needs before they become totally underwhelmed or overwhelmed with them. So if we're gonna go to a loud place, it goes a lot farther to bring the noise-canceling headphones and leave early than it does to show up and wait for the meltdown and then try to re-regulate them. Does that make sense? So be curious. There is a reason, we just have to figure it out. And the last thing I want to talk to you about, um, about summer is remember you're important too. Okay, so ask yourself several times throughout the day, what do I need right now? What do I want right now? Maybe I need five minutes of uninterrupted time. Okay, let's let them play a game on the tablet, or let's let them watch a movie for five minutes, or whatever it is. Let's get out some of their favorite coloring. That's let's get out their special interest, whatever you need to do so that you have five minutes to yourself. Maybe I need a drink of water, maybe I need a treat, maybe I need to eat a meal. Maybe I need to call somebody and have an adult conversation. If you don't have time for an adult conversation, maybe you download the Marco Polo app and it's like video chatting, but it's like text messages. So you record, you say something, and then when they have a minute, they listen and they record and say it back. I have a lot of conversations that way. I don't do a lot of phone calls. Um, for very obvious reasons with an autistic hitto. I always get interrupted. I it doesn't work. Um, so what do I need right now? Okay, several times a day. How can I build in breaks? That's the second thing I want you to think about when you think about self-care. These can be big breaks, these can be little breaks. Maybe every day after lunch, they watch a movie in the living room and you watch a movie in your room. Maybe you make arrangements to go grocery shopping once a week by yourself. Maybe that means after dad comes home and can watch them, so you're going in the evening, maybe grandma watches them, maybe you swap times with the neighbor, whatever. How can I build in breaks, little or big? And I realize a lot of us don't have a village, and that is hard. I acknowledge that, but I just want you to know that you can still build in breaks. There are ways. Let's use that empowering question here. How can I build in some breaks for myself? Because if you're like me, you do 24-7 child care, I don't go to work in the summer, and I get burnt out, and I become a not very patient mom, and I get frustrated easier, and I'm not the person I want to be, and I don't enjoy my children throughout the summer. So build in some breaks, and then I also want you to think about what do I want my summer to look like? What do we want it to be? Are we trying to fill it full of vacations and travel time? Okay. Own it. Are we wanting to stay home and do absolutely nothing at all and hang out in our pajamas all summer? Okay. That's totally fine. Let's own that too. Maybe we have somewhere in the middle of that spectrum. Maybe summer is I'm working. Maybe summer is my husband is busy and I'm single parenting it. Maybe summer, like you decide. Be intentional with what you want out of your summer. And if you're intentional with what you want, tie that in with your visual schedule, and it's gonna happen. You don't get to the end of the summer, and you're like, well, that was horrible. It wasn't anything that I wanted. Okay, you've got this, mama. You're doing better than you think you are. Keep it up. Thanks so much for listening to Autism Diagnosis to Confident Mom. If this episode helped you feel a little more seen or supported, please take a moment to like, follow, or subscribe to the podcast. And if you know another parent who needs to hear this, share it with them too. We're all in this together. You're doing better than you think, Mama. You've got this.