Self Care Isn't Selfish Mama

8 Senses Podcast

Transcript

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Hello, and welcome back to the podcast. Today we are talking all about why self-care is not selfish. Um, especially with summer coming, it's really important for self-care. You're gonna have those kiddos 24-7. There is not gonna be school to send them to. So let's get some self-care. And as a bonus at the end, I've given you 10 of my favorite self-care tricks that can fit into any busy schedule. So stick around for that. Welcome to the Autism Diagnosis to Confident Mom podcast with Kira from Cura Brown Coaching. I'm a mom of Neurospicy Kids and a life coach. I'm here to share real tips and support to help you feel confident as a parent. These last two weeks have been crazy busy at our house. It's the end of the school year, it's the beginning of the branding season, which is a ranch thing. Um, that's super busy. We've had injuries in our home, we've had all the things, right? All the things going on, and it has been so crazy. And I have let my self-care slack because we are so busy, and what I have found is my anxiety is creeping in, and it is getting a little bit worse and a little bit worse and a little bit worse, and um when I get anxious, then I get snappy and I get miserable, and not only am I anxious, snappy, and miserable, but I'm also snappy and miserable to be around, and so that is my first point with the why self-care is not selfish. Because if we let our self-care lack and we become a big ball of emotions that we are not taking care of, then we do not show up as our best selves. We are unhappy, the people we are around are unhappy, it's just miserable. So when we take care of ourselves, everything else goes better. Life goes better, our family runs smoother, just that all goes better. So take care of yourself. The second reason self-care is not selfish is because everything is harder in burnout. If you just keep pushing through without taking care of yourself, you are gonna end up in burnout. And burnout is not easy to push through. Burnout for me shows up in a I don't care anymore attitude. I don't, I don't care. I don't care enough to get worked up about something, I don't care enough to clean my house, I don't care, I just don't want to face the world. And it is hard, especially when you have neurodivergent children, to keep carrying on when you have that I don't care attitude. And so it is a lot easier to take care of ourselves than to dig ourselves out of that hole. Um, so let's talk about how I just have 10 ideas on how you can do self-care because self-care is, I mean, it's nice, but it's not going to get your nails done or having massage or spa day or whatever, right? We have too much to do, too much to our kiddos need require too much of us. Like we might have three minutes if we're lucky. So I have 10 ideas that you can try implementing. So let's start without further ado. Number one, what do I need right now? Can you ask yourself that five or six times a day? What do I need right now? Maybe you need a glass of water, maybe you need to go in your room and uh scream into a pillow for 30 seconds. Maybe you need to eat an actual meal. Maybe you need to make a phone call. What do you actually need right now? Not what needs to be done, but what do you actually need? What do you want right now? And can you give yourself that? Um, if nothing else, acknowledging that you need it or want it can be empowering because you're still acknowledging that you have needs and wants too. You might have to wait, but you can still um just acknowledging it can make a big difference. Number two, can you listen to a favorite song and have a dance party? Can we get some endorphins and some dopamine going? Maybe you rock it out, maybe you slow song it with your kiddo in your arm, snuggling, maybe whatever, but can you listen to a favorite song? Number three, do you need some headphones or earplugs right now? I know in our Neurospicy House it gets loud, and I have a smaller auditory sensory cup. We've talked about that in the past in our Eight Senses podcast. So I will link to that in the show notes if you want to go back and listen to it. But if you don't know what I'm referring to, but do you just need some quiet or not to hear the kids scream? Especially if you have an auditory stimmer, right? I have an auditory stimmer in my house, and he will just say things over and over and over again to say them because it makes him feel better. And I can't tell him to not say those things. But I also can take care of myself by putting in some earphones, some headphones, or some earplugs. Number four, can you put your kids to bed earlier? I know they may not go to sleep earlier, I know that. But can you put them to bed with a preferred activity? At my house, bedtime is 7:30, even for my 15-year-old, because this mama needs some quiet time. I know without a shadow of a doubt, that one of my kiddos will be out of bed between 5 and 5:30. And I need a little bit of quiet time. I refuse to get up before 5 a.m. to have quiet time, so I do it at the end of the day. They go in and they color or they go in and they read a book or whatever for a half an hour until they can go to until they go to sleep. But can you find some quiet time in the end of your day? Maybe you let them play the toys. Maybe the rule is as long as you're in your room and quiet, I don't care what you do, just give mom a break. This is really important in my life when my husband is busy at work and not home yet, and I need a break. Number five, can you say to your children, not right now? How many times do our kids need to tell us a story or ask us a question or request a snack or a drink or help with something? Like all day, every day, right? So just tell them not right now. Come back in five minutes. Mom needs a break. Mom's ears are tired. Can you tell me your story in five minutes? Um, but can you request some time? Not right now. On the other hand, can you say no to extra activities? Is it all too much? Are you all too busy and it's too much and you don't know what to do? Can you say no to activities? You don't have to do it all. You don't have to do any of it. Can you say no? What can you say no to to make your life easier so that you can fit in some self-care? Have some quiet time and downtime. If you are also neurospicy like I am, I require extra time to re-regulate after social events. So this is what it looks like at our house. We go to the social event, we come home, I help my son re-regulate, and then I need time to re-regulate. That's quite a bit of time. And it is okay to say no to activities so that you are not back to back. You don't even no is a complete sentence. You don't even have to explain it to people. Just be like, no, thanks. I'm so glad you thought of us, but we're not gonna be able to make it. You don't have to explain why. On the other side of the coin, are you not going places because you're anxious? Can you say yes to an activity? If you are staying home all the time and you need a little bit of a social life, can you say yes and do what it takes to go? Um, it might be yes to an activity, it might be yes to some help, it might be asking for help directly, but can you say yes more often? Number eight, can you clean something for five minutes that's gonna stay clean? Tell me your child is neurodivergent without telling me your child is neurodivergent when it comes to they leave everything out, they leave every door open, they make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and they leave all the stuff out. Like it you could spend all day, every day reminding them to clean up or cleaning up after them, right? So, what if we did a project that was gonna stay a while? What if we went to the linen closet and reorganized for five minutes? One shelf. Would that feel pretty productive? Would that make us feel like we weren't just spinning in circles? Give it a try. Number nine. Can you watch your own show or read your own book? For a long, long time, I was advised that you should not have a TV in your bedroom. And I put a TV in my bedroom, and it has been the best decision of my life because I can turn on a movie for my children in the living room, and I can leave the door cracked so I can hear if anybody's dying out there, and I can go in my room and I can get in at least five or ten minutes of a show before they'll come bug me. I can get something that is for me, something that I enjoy, something that fills my cup. I love Gray's Anatomy or Fixer Upper or whatever, something that I can watch on my own and not watch their show. Because if they're like the rest of our neurodivergent kiddos, they watch the same show over and over and over. And you just can't take it anymore, right? Or if you're not a show watcher, can you read a book, your own book, for five or ten minutes while they do something else in the other room? Number 10. Can you ask for five minutes with your partner or an adult? Can you tell an adult in your life, whether that is your spouse, your parent, your neighbor, your friend, somebody who's trusted, can you say, can I just have five minutes? In fact, why don't we make that eight minutes? Because I've heard that eight minutes can make a day, like that can fix a lot of problems. So can I have eight minutes? I just need eight minutes of time. And then you do whatever you want in those eight minutes with that person, but eight minutes to just have an adult conversation, and once again, it's okay if you put your kid on a screen or have a special toy or whatever, so that you can get those eight minutes, or maybe it's after they go to bed and then you get the eight minutes. But can you ask for a hug? How many times do we give and we give and we give as neurodivergent parents? And we give, and our cup is empty, and we just keep giving and we regulate and we regulate. How about a hug? A tight squeeze hug? Like a 30-second one. It might feel awkward for the other person, but just be like, I just need a hug. Those are some ideas. I'd love to hear your ideas of things that have worked for you for self-care. Those are some of my favorites. Um, feel free to DM me and share or email me. Leave them in the comments. Um, let's share some more ideas of self-care. But just remember, self-care is not selfish. You deserve to be happy just like everybody else. We're a team and everybody deserves self-care. We spent a lot of time caring for our children, but we also deserve self-care as the coach of the team. So you're doing better than you think you are, mama. Keep up the good work, and you can you can do it. Thanks so much for listening to Autism Diagnosis to Confident Mom. If this episode helped you feel a little more seen or supported, please take a moment to like, follow, or subscribe to the podcast. And if you know another parent who needs to hear this, share it with them too. We're all in this together. You're doing better than you think, Mama. You've got this.