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Do you ever find stimming from your child super annoying or aggravating? You're not alone. Let's go over our list of what stimming might be, and let's talk about how to handle it when it is annoying, how to do that appropriately for your child, and how to not gaslight yourself. Welcome to the Autism Diagnosis to Confident Mom podcast with Kira from Kira Brown Coaching. I'm a mom of Neurospicy Kids and a life coach. I'm here to share real tips and support to help you feel confident as a parent. Have you ever been on a car ride and your autistic or ADHD kiddo just keeps repeating the same phrase or making the same sound over and over and over again? Today let's talk about what happens when stimming gets annoying. We know it's good for them, it helps you regulate their nervous systems. But what happens if it's annoying or dangerous? What do we do? How do we handle it? Um normally we try to let stimming happen because it helps regulate them, it helps them show emotion, it helps with all sorts of things that way. But um, sometimes it's not an appropriate setting for stimming or that kind of stimming. So let's talk about that. But first, I just want to give you a brief list. Um by brief, I mean probably like 50 ways of stimming that I thought of just to review what stimming might look like. Okay, so we might have hand flapping, rocking, spinning, pacing, jumping, toe walking, repeating words, acholalia, humming, scripting. That means that they say they repeat somebody else's words. It might be half of a movie, it might be something you said, but they'll just say that over and over. Making sounds, watching lights, spinning objects, side gazing, looking at patterns, repeated blinking, listening to the same sounds over and over, tapping, clicking, rhythmic sounds, um, touching certain textures, rubbing surfaces, playing with fabric, picking at labels, chewing, mouthing objects, licking, sucking, teeth grinding, spinning, swinging, rocking, hanging upside down, running in circles, um, crashing, pushing, squeezing, heavy work, body train tensing, spinning wheels on cars, lining up toys, opening and closing doors, flipping switches, head banging, skin picking, hair pulling, biting, eye picking, poking. So all of these things can be a form of um stimming. And as we read that list, I'm sure some of those things were like no biggie, and some of those things you're like drive me nuts, and some of those things you're like hiping, that doesn't sound very safe, and it probably isn't, okay? So um let's talk about it. So we want to allow stimming as much as possible, it is healthy for them, it is helping them work through their emotions and to re-regulate their body to express emotions. I think they already said that, but, anyways. But what happens in the scenario where we're in the car and it's really annoying everybody, okay? Like everybody else is gonna get dysregulated because they're stimming. Like, how do you decide whose nervous system? Right? So this is where I have a little rule that I kind of follow loosely. Um, if it's somewhere where I can get away from the stimming child, then I move to another location. So, like if we're at home and my stimming child is watching TV and he just keeps repeating things over and over and over again, and that's annoying me, then I get up and go to another room and do something different. Um, or if it's bugging a sibling, I have them go somewhere else because they can go somewhere else. But let's say we're in the car and you can't get up and leave. Like, I can't get out and leave and leave my kid in the car, we're not gonna get to where we need to go, right? Nor is it safe for them to stay in a hot car by themselves. So um that is when I redirect the stem, and instead of stopping the stem, I try to come up with an alternative stem in the same sensory need, okay? So let's say we are making an annoying noise over and over and over again. That's going to be like um an auditory or verbal stem, they need some sensory that way. So we might turn on their favorite song and sing to it where we're scripting the song, but it's less annoying than the annoying sound. Does that make sense? Um, if they're rubbing my arm over and over and over and over again, that might get annoying after a while, right? That might not be socially appropriate. So they're looking for some sort of tactile sensory need there to be met. So I might come up with a fabric that they like to rub, or um a texturized fidget that they like to rub, like those kinds of things. Um, but the goal is not to get rid of stimming altogether, the goal is to redirect it to something a little more appropriate. All right, let's talk about when stimming is dangerous. Like, let's say our child is banging their head. Is that appropriate? Appropriate is not the right word, but it's probably dangerous, right? Like if they do it enough, they're gonna hurt themselves depending on how hard they're doing it and what they're banging it on, and might not be good for their head, it might not be good for what they're banging it on, those kinds of things. So, what can we do there? We need to redirect to something else. Maybe they're wanting some deep pressure, maybe they need rolled up like a taco, maybe, which is basically taking a blanket and rolling them in it as tight as you can, or rolling pins. So you take a rolling pin and you roll it up and down their body with as much pressure as they can stand. Um, you don't want to hurt them, obviously, but the deeper the pressure, the better. So maybe they need some heavy work. Heavy work is things like hey, can you pack the laundry basket for me down the stairs to the laundry room? Or can you stack these chairs? Or can you do some wall push-ups? Something that requires something heavy and to do the job. So um, I just want to remind you that stimming is not the enemy. Sometimes stimming can be annoying, and that is totally okay that we get annoyed by it sometimes. It's just part of life, it's part of being a human. Um, but we don't want to take away stimming, we want to redirect. Um, another favorite redirect of mine is my autistic ADHD kiddo will chew on his shirts when he is needs to stim. And instead of that, I get him some gum or a chewlery, which is basically a chew toy for an older kid. Um that's made out of plastic heavy enough to hold up to their teeth. So we're not trying to get rid of this dam. We're just trying to make it appropriate, we're trying to make it socially appropriate for everybody. Um, sometimes people just need to put up with it. Like sometimes it just is, right? Like if you're in public and your child is hand flapping, like that's not hurting anybody. Somebody might give you a weird look, and that's on them. That's not on you or your child. But if your child is screeching at the top of their lungs in the store over and over and over again, that's where we might redirect the stem. We want to come up with another stem that meets their need, and sometimes it takes trial and error. So um, yeah, let me know what redirects you like to use. Share them in my DMs on uh Instagram or in the comments here. We'd love to see those. I'm always up for new ideas. Um one more thing really quick that just came to mind is sometimes we have to teach our other children to just be patient with some stamps. Like sometimes it's just a little annoying, right? Like sometimes we we have to just be okay with it. Um it depends on the situation. So let me give you an idea an example. Let's say it is the 4th of July, that's coming up, right? And we're gonna go to the park and we're gonna participate in the town festivities. And we all know that probably will trigger some stimming for our autistic or ADHD kiddos. One sibling might think that the hand flopping is annoying and embarrassing. That's where we need to teach that sibling the purpose of stimming and to be tolerant and to include them in the world. Does that make sense? We can redirect sometimes, and sometimes we just need to learn to be okay with it. Also, another tip if they're noisy and you're at home and you still need to get stuff done, I put in earbuds and I listen to an audiobook or some music or something. I can still be aware of what's happening around me, but I don't have to listen to it over and over, and they can regulate, and I don't have to be annoyed. In my car, we carry earplugs for stimming because sometimes I can't get them to redirect, right? Sometimes it just happens, and so we accommodate that by having earplugs for everybody else to put in. So there's lots of different ways to handle stimming when it gets annoying. Just know you're not alone, you're not the only one who gets annoyed by stimming, and it is totally normal and okay. You're doing better than you think you are, mama. Keep up the good work. We'll see you next week. Thanks so much for listening to Autism Diagnosis to Confident Mom. If this episode helped you feel a little more seen or supported, please take a moment to like, follow, or subscribe to the podcast. And if you know another parent who needs to hear this, share it with them too. We're all in this together. You're doing better than you think, Mama. You've got this.