Feeling Stuck? 3 Coaching Lessons that Changed My Parenting

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Transcript

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Hey mama, do you know what to do to help your kiddo, but you find yourself stuck and unable to implement those strategies that you've learned? Like you've read how to handle a meltdown, and you've read how to help them with sensory issues, but you're just still struggling to implement them. Today I'm gonna teach you, give you three real life examples of when I was stuck, and life coaching helped me implement those tools that I have already known. Welcome to the Autism Diagnosis to Confident Mom podcast with Kira from Kira Brown Coaching. I'm a mom of Neurospicy Kids and a life coach. I'm here to share real tips and support to help you feel confident as a parent. Do you know what to do to help your autistic or ADHD kiddo or have an idea, but you're stuck and you just can't implement it no matter how hard you try? Well, I found something that helped me work through that, and that is life coaching. And I want to give you three real life examples from my life on how life coaching helped me apply tools that I already knew and understood. So let's jump in with story number one. It was Christmas Day, Christmas was on a Sunday, and we're a religious family, and so we go to church on Sundays. And so we were supposed to be going to church on Christmas Day. My kids were getting ready, my husband was getting ready, and I found myself being mean and honri and unable to enjoy Christmas Day. And I was like, what is going on? Like, what is wrong with me? I just don't want to do Christmas today. I just was awful. My husband very wisely came and found me. I was in my closet trying to find something to wear to church. I didn't want to go to church. I usually love church. I didn't want to go. I was trying to find something to wear. I didn't know what to wear. And he came and he just gave me a hug. And I just started bawling. When I um talked about that with my life coach, she helped me to realize that it wasn't Christmas that was the problem. It wasn't, it wasn't my desire or lack of desire to go to church that was the problem. My problem was I was realizing that my child would never look like somebody else's child, like a neurotypical child. I was in the middle of grief in that moment, and I did not handle that grief. I did eventually cry, and it helped me feel better, but that wasn't my go-to. That wasn't my body's natural response. My body's natural response was anger. And um that anger was covering up my grief because I was trying to not feel that grief, and so my coach taught me that I need to feel the grief. I if I allow the grief, then I don't build up to anger, and that has been so helpful in my life because we've gone to other things. So even though that when it all boiled down to it that day, I didn't want to go to church because my child wasn't gonna be able to sit still, my child wasn't gonna ever perform a special musical number or something. Um, my child didn't look like the other children there, but that I would have to work harder to make it through for both of us. Um, but it helped me realize what grief looks like in my life, and it helped in the future. So fast forward, we're going to a school concert for my autistic slash ADHD kiddo. And um, I started to feel emotions again, and I was like, oh, here is the grief that my life coach was teaching me about. I am feeling sad because my child is not enjoying their elementary school concert, they're not up there smiling like all the other kids, they're not up there waving at their parent like all the other kids. They're standing there, they're doing what they're supposed to do, but that is it. And um, I didn't have to go to anger, I didn't have to have a meltdown myself because I understood that it was grief because my life coach had taught me about grief, had pointed it out in my life, had helped me realize how I personally handle grief. So that's story number one. Story number two. I and I tell me if you're any different, but I was in a time in my life where I was just having a hard time being a parent to a neurodivergent kiddo. Kiddos. I have two of them. Um it was hard, I was snappy, I was short, I no matter what I tried, it wasn't working, I wasn't patient, I knew I needed to be patient. I knew, I knew logically in my head that I had to be the calm and I had to share the calm with my child, right? That's co-regulation, that's what everybody tells you you need to do, and I just wasn't able to fit that in. I couldn't do it. No matter how hard I tried, I could not be patient, I could not do it. And my life coach helped me realize that my child is not giving me a hard time, they're having a hard time. And when my life coach helped me realize this, it changed everything for me because I was taking it personally. I'm not a good enough parent, I'm not doing this right. I should be able to, I should, I should, I should, right? I was taking it very personally when they were having a meltdown that I had done something wrong, that I was internalizing that about myself, but it wasn't about me at all. And my life coach walked me through that by asking me questions, helping me dig into my life, and realizing that it wasn't about me at all, it was about them having a hard time. They aren't intentionally saying, I'm going to flip my mom the middle finger and not do what she asks. They legitimately are having a hard time. There's a sensory issue or there's a whatever, and my patients turned around overnight with that realization. Um the last story I want to share is very recent. Okay, we've been on this journey for a little while. Um we've known about an autism diagnosis for four or five years now, and so I've had lots of time to study, to get help, to ask questions, to all of the things, right? But I found myself not wanting, not doing anything when my kids are home. And I don't know about you, but it's summertime. And if you do nothing, do you know how fast the house gets destroyed? Do you know how little gets done if mom does nothing? Like, I'm not making my kids do anything, I'm not doing anything, I just don't want to do anything. But let's say dad takes them for an hour, then I'm like all game game ho and I'm like, all right, let's do something. And I'm like, what is going on? What is going on here? Like, why am I not able to do something? Is it my own ADHD paralysis? Is it like, what is it? So I brought it to my life coach, and this is what we decided. And we decide this because she asks me questions and I answer them, and she she doesn't tell me the answers. I already have the answers, I just need help digging them out. I need help allowing them to come up, and she creates a space for me, okay? So I don't want to do anything, I don't okay, and um, upon some talking about it, we just discussed it for a while. We just talked about it, like had a conversation about it, and she says, Do you realize that you have the thought everything is harder when he's here? And I was like, No, and that's the beautiful thing about the coaching model is what we think often becomes our result in life, it creates how we feel, it creates that feeling creates what we what actions we take, and then that's what our result, right? So make a long story short. I'm thinking everything is harder when he's here. I'm feeling overwhelmed, I don't do things till they are harder to do, and then I have to do them, and I'm making things harder for myself. So I we played around with some thoughts, with some mindset ideas, and we tried, we tried to like things are easy when these home, and my brain was like, whoa, no, no go, that is not true, that is a total lie, right? So we went a little more neutral, and my thoughts that I'm gonna work on redirecting my brain to is not when I think everything is hard. I don't want to do it, everything's hard when he's here. I'm gonna think, but I always seem to get it done. Doesn't seem like it's gonna be a really like warm and fuzzy thought, right? But as I think that, my brain is gonna look for proof that I do get things done when he's here. So I don't have to prove myself wrong, I don't have to be wrong about the fact that it's hard when he's home, but I can look for proof. I can send my brain on a treasure map hunt to prove that I still get things done when he's here. And if I can prove that I can still get things done when he's here, I'm gonna do things, right? I'm gonna go get up and do the dishes. It doesn't matter that he dirties the dish in five seconds when I'm done. I'm going to I'm going to move forward and I'm not going to be stuck in what I thought was ADHD paralysis, but it wasn't at all. It was a thought error going on in my brain. Something that I just thought was a fact, which is not a fact. A fact is something that can be proven in a court of law, and everybody would agree upon. Not everybody would agree that it's hard to do stuff when my son is home. So I just I just wanted you to get an example of what coaching can do for you. So if you're stuck in your life and you don't know how to make yourself do the things you need to do, you don't know how to implement the things that you've learned, then that's where a life coach can be helpful. I would love to help you with that. If I'm not your cup of tea, that's fine. Find another one. But um if you want to talk about how a life coach may help you in your life, may let's get on a call. Let's get on a mom support call and we'll talk about what's going on in your life. We'll get you a little bit of help, and we'll talk about if it's something that would be beneficial in the long run for you. Um, I'll leave a link in the comments so you can book a free 30-minute call with me. It's a Zoom call. All you have to do is click a link in your email, it's super easy. Um and show up. And if your kids interrupt, it's okay. I understand. I too have autistic NADHD kiddos. So um, if you found this helpful, please share this with a friend. And until next time, you're doing better than you think you are. Thanks so much for listening to Autism Diagnosis to Confident Mom. If this episode helped you feel a little more seen or supported, please take a moment to like, follow, or subscribe to the podcast. And if you know another parent who needs to hear this, share it with them too. We're all in this together. You're doing better than you think, Mama. You've got this.