Decision-Making in Midlife: How to Trust Yourself Again - #22

Decision-making in midlife can feel surprisingly hard. You second-guess yourself, overthink small choices, and wonder why trusting your own judgment doesn’t come as easily as it once did.

In this episode of Midlife Confidence Lab, we explore why decision-making changes in midlife, how self-trust gets disrupted over time, and what it actually takes to rebuild confidence from the inside out.

We’ll talk about:

• Why women in midlife often struggle with self-doubt and decision paralysis
• How people-pleasing, past roles, and old conditioning impact your ability to choose
• The nervous system’s role in overthinking and fear-based decisions
• How to stop outsourcing your choices to others - and start trusting yourself again
• Simple mindset shifts and practical tools to make aligned decisions with confidence

This episode isn’t about forcing certainty or “getting it right.” It’s about learning how to listen to yourself again, make decisions without spiraling, and rebuild the kind of confidence that comes from self-trust - not perfection.

If you’ve been asking:

• Why do I doubt myself so much in midlife?
• Why does decision-making feel harder than it used to?
• How do I trust myself again after years of putting others first?

…this conversation is for you.

Whether you’re navigating career changes, relationships, divorce, empty nesting, or a deeper midlife identity shift, this episode will help you understand what’s happening beneath the surface - and how to move forward with clarity, confidence, and self-trust.

Link to Episode Mentioned: How to Trust Yourself Again: The Foundation for Alignment and Expansion - #9

🦋 Would you like help walking through these steps, or with accountability, or deeper dives into these topics? Interested in learning more about working 1:1 with me to transform your life in your rediscovery? Schedule a free Discovery call with me here: https://stan.store/MidlifeConfidenceLab

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🎵 Theme Music: Home by Vlad Gluschenko @vladest_art — Home

License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And New Year Pressure
• 1:37 From Right Choices To Truer Choices
• 3:18 Clarity After Movement
• 4:35 Shifting From Should To Choose
• 5:54 Nervous System And Decisions
• 6:51 A Simple Decision Filter
• 8:11 Building Self-Trust One Choice
• 9:10 Share, Stay Curious, And Challenge Invite

Transcript

Kristin: 0:06

You're listening to Midlife Confidence Lab, a podcast for women in midlife who are rebuilding confidence, learning to trust themselves again, and creating lives that finally feel like their own. I'm your host, Kristin Hamilton, certified life coach, helping midlife women who are in their what's next chapter of life. I am so glad you're here. There's something about the start of a new year that amplifies everything. The weight of the decisions you've been avoiding, the questions you don't have answers to yet, the sense that you should know what comes next by now. January has a way of making us feel like we need to decide something big. What to change, what to commit to, what to finally let go of. And if you're in midlife, that pressure can feel even heavier. Not because you lack options, but because you've lived enough to know that decisions carry weight, consequences. Here's what I want to say right up front. The problem isn't that you don't know what to do. It's that somewhere along the way, you learned not to trust how you know. Midlife isn't necessarily about making bigger decisions. It's about making truer ones that are aligned with who you are now and who you want to be. So why does decision making feel so much harder in midlife? Well, decision making now has a history attached to it. You've made choices in your life that worked out and choices that didn't. You learned lessons the hard way, and maybe you've told yourself, I should have known better. Many women I coach don't struggle because they're just indecisive. They struggle because they've been conditioned to second guess themselves. Our generation of women were taught to prioritize harmony over clarity, to defer to other, supposedly more knowledgeable people, to stay flexible, to accommodate, to keep the peace, often to the detriment of ourselves. So when it's time to decide something for yourself, the nervous system steps in and says, whoa, bubbo, wait a minute, or wait a year, or wait several years. Let's be careful about this. Well, that hesitation isn't weakness, it is protection. One of the most damaging beliefs we carry is that there's a single right decision, and if we choose wrong, everything falls apart. But that is a myth. Most decisions aren't permanent, they are directional. And let me explain what I mean by that. We don't gain confidence by getting every decision right. We gain confidence by trusting ourselves to respond, adjust, and recalibrate. So clarity comes after movement, not before it. That's perhaps one of the most important parts to really hear. Clarity often comes after movement, not before. Confidence isn't knowing the outcome, it's trusting yourself, even inside the unknown. Maybe especially inside the unknown. Decisions can become experiments in the lab of our lives. We make them. What works, we build on, what doesn't work, we adjust the path and try again and again and again and again. So maybe instead of asking, what should I decide this year? I want to offer a different question. How do I want to relate to my decisions this year? Do you want to relate to them with fear, with urgency, with pressure, or with self-trust and curiosity and alignment? Maybe this year doesn't need more resolutions. It needs a stronger relationship with yourself. Notice the language shift. It's not I should, but now it becomes I choose. And that small shift is powerful. Perhaps it's not I should really stay in this job that makes me miserable and bored, but it's I choose to pursue something new that really lights me up. Maybe it's not, I really should leave my husband, but I choose to work to try to make this work. Or perhaps, as it was in my decision, I really should stay in this dysfunctional marriage because that's what's expected of me, but I choose to respect myself and leave a toxic relationship. That was the hardest decision of my life and was many years in the making. But as I began to trust myself again and realize that my life mattered too, I was able to make that decision through the fear and shoulds and uncertainty. Saying I choose allows you to decide with intentionality to live life on your terms, not simply out of habit or obligation. Let's talk about what's happening in the body with regard to decision making. When your nervous system is dysregulated, when it's in survival mode, decision making becomes distorted. There's overthinking and looping and freezing, constantly seeking reassurance. Those aren't personality traits that you carry. They're just nervous system responses. So when you're regulated, decisions feel different. There's less urgency, less mental noise, a quieter yes or no. The body often knows before the mind feels safe admitting it. If a decision feels frantic or rushed or fear-based, let that be information, not a command. So really check within yourself to see if your decision becomes dictated by your fear responses or informed by them. So I would like to offer a simple decision filter that you can use. First, ask yourself, does this move me toward who I'm becoming or who I've been? Second, ask yourself, am I choosing from fear of discomfort or trust in myself? And third, ask yourself, if nothing went wrong, would this still feel true? You don't need to answer perfectly because you can always realign and readjust and make different decisions. You just need to notice what comes up. Because every time you choose from alignment and make a decision that aligns with yourself, your true self, you build evidence. Every time you honor yourself, self-trust grows. I had a whole episode on self-trust that was called How to Trust Yourself Again: The Foundation for Alignment and Expansion. It was episode number nine, and I will link it in the show notes below. It would be a great companion episode to this one. So go listen or re-listen to that one next. If you want to take this deeper, I do have two journal prompts for this week. Number one, what decision have I been postponing because I'm afraid to trust myself? Number two, what would it look like to choose relationship with myself this year instead of certainty? Let your answers be honest. They don't need to be polished. Just write down whatever comes to mind. Decision making is identity work. Every time you choose yourself, even imperfectly, you reinforce who you're becoming. You don't need permission, you don't need guarantees, you need self-trust. And self-trust is built one decision at a time. So as you move into this year, choose what feels true. Walk into that with confidence. And remember, this is how self-trust is built. And when that happens, decision making no longer needs to induce anxiety, it becomes empowering. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with another woman in your life. Let's always support and help each other. Until next time, stay curious. Keep playing and experimenting in life. And remember, trust the woman you're becoming. She's done playing small. Choose bold, choose align. Choose the life you want to live. Love you. Bye-bye. Hey, real quick before you go, if you know something needs to change, but you're feeling stuck and don't want to navigate this part alone, I invite you into my five-day challenge. It's not a course and it's not a group. It's simply a short, focused, and personalized conversation a day for five days. We'll talk things through in real time and you'll get support to clarify your next step. Trust yourself and move forward with confidence. No pressure, no hype, just grounded support for a very real moment in your life. If this feels right for you, we're just gonna keep it simple. You can email me at midlifeconfidencelab at gmail.com or DM me on Instagram at midlifeconfidence lab and we'll go from there. Looking forward to seeing you back here next time.