Mad Mel’s Mic
Hi there! Welcome to Mad Mel’s Mic!! Thanks for joining me. My name is Melissa and this is a podcast all about me! About my life. About life with PTSD. About my life with a husband, kids and friends. Thanks for tuning in.
Mad Mel’s Mic
My Teenage Son's Surprisingly Chill Take on Living with PTSD
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Melissa sits down with her 15-year-old son to discuss how her PTSD diagnosis has impacted him over the past four years, revealing surprising insights about family resilience and emotional growth.
• Son shares his experience growing up with a mother diagnosed with PTSD when he was 11
• The practical impacts of PTSD on family life, including hospital stays and household management
• How Melissa's mental health journey has helped her son develop greater emotional intelligence
• Son's surprisingly matter-of-fact approach to explaining his mother's condition to friends
• The visible differences son notices in Melissa's wellbeing after hospital treatment
• Simple but profound advice for supporting family members with PTSD: "give them a hug, sit with them, tell them you love them"
• Thought of the week: "The way we communicate with others and ourselves ultimately determines our quality of life"
Find me on Facebook and Instagram and don't forget to like and follow. Have a great week and don't forget to be kind to yourself.
Welcome to Mad Mel's Mic
Speaker 1Hey there, welcome to Mad Mel's Mic. Thanks for joining me. My name is Melissa and this is a podcast all about me, about my life, about my life with PTSD, about my life with a husband and kids and friends and everything in between. Thanks for tuning in. Hey everybody, welcome to episode 24. Thanks for tuning in again. I have a special guest with me this week, so let's get this episode started. Thanks for tuning in again. I have a special guest with me this week, so let's get this episode started. Hey, again, thanks for tuning in. As I mentioned, I have a special guest with me today, my son.
Speaker 1Hi, how are you? I'm not going to tell you his name because when I interviewed Rory, I said this is my daughter, rory, and then the next question was what's your name? So it was very awkward. What's your name? Clifford? Clifford, that's a tough question. That one isn't it? Yeah, it is, yeah. So, like the girls, when I interviewed them, they didn't know what questions I was asking. So Cliff also has no idea what questions I'm about to ask him. It's all recorded as we go, so it's going to be interesting. Cliff, you look pumped. Yeah, I am Super excited. Yeah, good, good, all right, how old are you 15. Wow, that was a tough question.
Speaker 1Bloody hell, we haven't even gotten to the hard questions yet You're already struggling Fifteen righto and with all my guests and I know I've only had three so far. They are in charge of the Song of the Week. So, cliff, what's the Song of the Week this week? Location, location.
Speaker 2And who's have a listen?
Growing Up with Mom's PTSD
Speaker 1to it now. Thanks for that song, cliff. It was lovely. We actually haven't listened to it yet. So he's looking at me going. What are you doing? All right, so, as we know, my podcast is about my head and everything in between. So, cliff, can you tell me something funny or some? A memory that you remember from when I was in the police can be funny or nice, or what's something that sticks out to you I remember, like, like, when you went away like 20 minutes after, I started crying and said I missed you and dad started recording.
Speaker 2Oh yeah.
Speaker 1I love mum.
Speaker 2Just that video, yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, that was really sweet. I might put it on the socials because it was pretty sweet.
Speaker 2But I love her.
Speaker 1I miss her. Yeah, because the mummy's boy, but there's nothing wrong with that. All right, can you remember how old you were when I was diagnosed with PTSD?
Speaker 2I think I was like four years younger, I think I was like 11.
Speaker 1Yeah, so 11. So you were quite young. Yeah, yeah, and I know it hasn't been all your life that I had PTSD, but in the last four years, can you share what it's been like growing up with me and my PTSD? I?
Speaker 2don't know, it's been pretty chill, but like you just like disappear every like couple of, like two, I don't know how many months, but she just disappears every now and then and then it goes pretty chaotic in the house. So you know it's chill. Where do I disappear to, I don't know? Like St John's Hospital, mental Health Hospital. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1So it's not that I disappear mentally and check out, but I'm physically here. It's like when I'm going away. Yeah, Yep, Now I know. Over the years I've been going to hospital for two and a half years now you've always come up with some funny names of what you call the hospital.
Speaker 2Oh, yeah, what are some of them? The mental asylum, the loony bin.
Speaker 1What else?
Speaker 2Anything else you can think of no, not that I can remember.
Speaker 1No, and what do you tell your mates when I'm in hospital?
Speaker 2I don't really, unless it gets bringed up.
Speaker 1Unless it gets bringed up.
Speaker 2Yeah, brought up I don't really, unless it gets bringed up. Unless it gets bringed up, yeah, brought up, yeah.
Speaker 1Whatever you know sure so, but if somebody goes, oh, where's your mom?
Speaker 2oh yeah, she's in. Like she's in the hospital, you just say the hospital you don't say anything no crazy. And then if they're like, oh, oh, what's wrong? Oh no, she's just ptsd, she's a bit crazy. So you know she's a bit crazy.
Speaker 1Fair enough, I like it. Can you remember me getting diagnosed with PTSD and what did you understand of it and what did it mean to you?
Speaker 2I don't know, you didn't really like tell us that. You had it until like when you first went to the hospital and then we just asked questions and then you answered them. So you know.
Speaker 1Yeah, but before, like, there was two years before, like from when I went off work to when I went to hospital. What did you think was going on in that phase?
Speaker 2I don't know. I just thought you were like done with the cops, yeah just done with the cops.
Speaker 1Yeah, because I thought and it might be an age thing, because you were like younger than the girls and stuff, but I always thought we were pretty honest about why I wasn't in the cops and things like that.
Speaker 2I know it was because you medically retired, but I didn't really know or understand why.
Speaker 1Yeah, so you didn't have that understanding. Yeah, that's fair enough. You were just a baby, I guess Just a baby. In what ways has my PTSD affected our daily life or routine?
Speaker 2When you stop going off work. We got our lunches made.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Impact on Daily Family Life
Speaker 2So that's been pretty awesome. And then, when we're always getting our hours, we'd wake ourselves up and drive us. Oh, can you hear me?
Speaker 1I don't know, but can you just talk into the microphone? Oh sorry, yeah, all right, so I was making you lunches, yep, what else can you?
Speaker 2think of when he went away. It was like a lot more chaotic in the house, like the house was a lot messier and like it's nice having me around.
Speaker 1I keep things tidy. Yeah yeah, having me around. I keep things tidy, yeah yeah how far was your washing?
Speaker 2yeah, that was pretty nice. Yeah, dad just texted in a pile. Yeah, to just get it out. Yeah, dad's a jerk, isn't he?
Speaker 1yeah, who would have thought he'd be not be able to fold washing? Yeah, really it's just like sorting out three kids, wife in hospital working full time.
Speaker 2Hmm poor dad. I think he you really had like two to look after because your kid was like 18 most of the time, or 17 driving yourself around.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, were there times when you felt confused or unsure about how to react to me when I was having a tough day.
Speaker 2Not really. I just kind of let dad do that. Yeah, okay. Or like when you were vomiting because I come off your meds, you know, I didn't know really how to help with that.
Speaker 1Nobody can help with me coming off my meds with the inverted comments, soft withdrawals, which is horseshit, because there's nothing soft about constantly being nauseous all the time. Now, I didn't really have a lot of issues with this, but how did it make you feel when I experienced triggers or flashbacks? How did you so? Can you remember anything about me having triggers or flashbacks or anything like that? No, no, I didn't think you would. No, that question was a bit silly. This one might be a little bit better. How did it make you feel when I was having issues with my anger, particularly at basketball? So there's been a couple of times when I've lost my shit at basketball. Were you there when it happened?
Speaker 1Can you give us like an example, or something when the girls' high school team were playing in the Div 2 women's comp and there was a lady in the other team who was?
Speaker 2Oh yeah, that mum, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, so how did it make you feel when I reacted like that Not about the situation, because we all have our own opinions about the situation, but how did it make you feel, with me reacting in that manner?
Speaker 2I can only remember it by like yeah, I can only remember it by like it's kind of funny to see someone like blow up like that. I guess Funny. Yeah, were you embarrassed at all?
Speaker 1No, not really no, I know the girls were embarrassed and I was embarrassed, but it sort of got to the point where I couldn't control it. Yeah but she kind of had it coming so. So she deserved my wrath, yeah, but she kind of had it coming. So so she deserved my wrath Fair enough. Did you ever feel scared or helpless when I was struggling with my PTSD symptoms?
Speaker 2Uh no, but I kind of use it as an excuse to get away with things.
Speaker 1Yeah, and what do you mean?
Speaker 2Like during school and stuff Like. Oh no, Like, I just play on it a little bit yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, righto, so it didn't make you scared or worried or anything like that I mean I was concerned for you, but like If you could get something out of it, then good yeah, fair enough.
Speaker 2I mean, it was like, if you were doing okay, I guess I could just milk on it, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1Now I want you to know that. I want you to be really honest with this.
Speaker 2Yeah, I am Okay good. What were the girls' answers like?
Speaker 1Well, they were a little bit deeper.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, but no, they were all different. So you're saying I'm shallow. No, I'm not saying you're shallow, just some of your answers are yeah, no, not at all.
Speaker 2Were there any moments when you felt like you didn't know how to help me, or where I could have explained my needs better, when, like it first happened, because I didn't really understand it, so like you could have like explained it more or like, yeah, just explained it a bit better, like to help us understand more yeah. So, like I think it was like ways like we could help you through it or something like that, you know.
Learning Empathy and Emotional Intelligence
Speaker 1Yeah, I do have one memory of you, cliff. It was the weekend of the incident that actually broke me. It was just a stroll that broke the camel's back, really. But I remember sitting in the front room and I was crying and I must have been sitting with Dad and you walked up and I'll never forget it. You said what have I done? What have I done? And I've gone. It's not you, it's all work. So obviously you've pushed that out of your memory, yep, but it's not out of mine. Have you ever felt like you have had to be the strong one in the family because of my PTSD?
Speaker 2No, not really Good. Next question it was always Dad.
Speaker 1Question it was always dad do you feel that my ptsd has influenced your own mental health or emotions in any way?
Speaker 2I don't feel like it's um, like helping, like understand that more. Yeah, because like before it was, like it was just like the three emotions like happy, anger, sad yeah, those ones, but now, like I've understand that there's more than just those three yeah, and has that had an impact on you and your?
Speaker 2well, I think it's helped me regulate my emotions a bit better and understand, like, what I can do to help like not be angry or like like when I was like playing basketball and stuff, like I'd yell at a lot of people, but now I don't do that as much.
Speaker 1Very good. It's nice that my brokenness you have learned something from it. Thank you, You're welcome. How do you take care of your own wellbeing while being there for me? So how do you look after yourself while still supporting and being there for me?
Speaker 2I don't know, just make sure you're healthy like eat food.
Speaker 1Like that, eat food. Yeah, Maybe food's important.
Speaker 2Yeah, and like being active. Yeah, I don't really know, I don't really understand the question. Yeah, that's all right.
Speaker 1That's a tough one. I'm not going to add in here that the girls answered it better. No, I get it.
Speaker 2Yeah, I'm a bit older, so you know.
Speaker 1How has my PTSD affected your relationship with friends, family or other people in your life? It can be positive or negative, or both. It can be positive or negative or both. Has my PTSD had an impact on your relationships with people?
Speaker 2No, I don't really think so, but I feel like it helped like understand people's emotions a bit better and like read the room, like understand how people are feeling.
Speaker 1So if you've been able to understand that well, then hopefully then you'll be able to come to them in a more empathetic way.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1So we just the computer went into lock screen because we'd been talking for too long and then we just had to figure out where it stopped and stuff. And then Cliff just heard himself go yeah, he goes, can you take that out? I've gone. No, I'm not taking it out. All right, so you think that you have been able to see some positive impact from my ptsd about how you can deal with people yes, and like understanding other people's, like emotions, better, yeah yeah, well, that's been good.
Speaker 1Yep, how do you think having a mum with ptsd has shaped the person you are today?
Speaker 2it's helped me be like more empathetic towards people and like PTSD has shaped the person you are today. I feel like it's helped me be like more empathetic towards people and like not be like angry or like I don't know?
Speaker 1Do you think you've been more patient with other people because you've had to be more patient with me?
Speaker 2because you've had to be more patient with me. I mean, yeah, sometimes in some situations like I guess it has made me more patient, like with other people and stuff.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2How did it make you feel when I retired from the police? I just thought, if you don't want to do it anymore, then it's fine.
Speaker 1Yeah, but it's obviously. I know Dad's still in the police as well, but having both parents in your police has that aura about it. The aura, yeah, is that the right word? No, oh okay, not at all. You need to be trying to keep up with the teen slings these days. Clearly, it's not working, but you know what I mean though, don't you Like?
Speaker 2there's this perception that and that was then gone. You could get jumped at any moment because people didn't like the police. Were you worried?
Speaker 1Yeah, for your safety.
Speaker 2I didn't really like going into the like. I wasn't really worried for my safety, but I didn't really like going into the police station. You know just like people would think yeah, oh, I thought that guy was two, but his parents' cops were the waker.
Speaker 1Yeah, okay. So guilty by association? Yeah, yeah. So how did it make you feel when I left the cops?
Speaker 2I don't know, I didn't really think of anything. I didn't go through it that much.
Speaker 1It was just nice having me home and making lunch and folding and washing, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2Did you have any issues with identity when I wasn't a cop anymore? No, no, I didn't. People were like, oh yeah, no, my mum's not a cop anymore, she's like retired. So you know, yeah, yeah, she's like retired.
Speaker 1So you know, yeah, yeah, that's good. Are there things you've learnt about yourself or about mental health from living with?
Speaker 2me and my PTSD. I've learnt like a lot more about emotions and stuff and like how to like control them and the brain thing that like does the scans like to help, like like calm your brain down. I've learned about that thing. That's pretty cool. I was tms. Yeah, the team is.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's pretty cool yeah, and you can see a positive impact, yeah can you, can you? So I know this last hospital stay wasn't the best because it turned into a whirlwind. But so let's look at the one in february, march, when I was in hospital and I would just went in for a two-week top-up. When was that? February March this year? Yeah, so I got back just the day before my birthday. So can you notice a difference from when I go to hospital and then when I come back after the treatment?
Speaker 2You seem like a lot more happier and like calm, yeah, and then, like you're, like your emotions are more intact. You're not jumping from emotion to emotion. You're not angry and then happy the next minute.
Speaker 1It's more like in a flow state. You know, yeah, but you can actually see the.
Speaker 2Yeah, there's not much, but you can tell you feel better once you come back from hospital.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's good, Okay. So what would you want people to understand about living with somebody who has PTSD?
Speaker 2I guess it's pretty fun. Fun, yeah. You never know what's going to happen next. It keeps you on your toes.
Speaker 1Do you ever feel like you've been walking on eggshells, just going oh, what's mum doing today? No, no, but what advice can you give other people?
Speaker 2I guess just listen and stuff, you know. Yep, listen to how they're feeling, give them a nice hug if they need it. Hugs are pretty good, hugs are good.
Advice for Families Coping with PTSD
Speaker 1Yeah yeah, and shit Rory hates hugs. Yeah yeah, she stands like a plank of wood. Yeah, Is there anything you wish others had have done differently to support you or our family?
Speaker 2I reckon getting us like a couple of vacations would be pretty nice. A couple of vacations, yeah like the cops sent us to. Like Bali or somewhere nice Bali, I don't know, it was just the first time that popped into my head.
Speaker 1I don't think the cops are going to send us on a holiday, oh yeah, but is there anything like you think any of our close family and friends could have done to support us as a family unit?
Speaker 2Pip and Pop could have came over a bit more to like help, yeah, and just like keep us company, you know, yeah, and like give away stuff.
Speaker 1You know, pip and Pop ask all the time whenever I'm in hospital. So why don't you say yes? Then I don't say yes, it's your dad. Does dad say no, yeah, you just want Pippa there so she can make you breakfast and lunch and fold washing.
Speaker 2No, no, no, why don't?
Speaker 1No, pippa's a vibe, we love Pippa. I don't know what that means. We love Pippa. I don't know what that means. Can you explain it to the rest?
Speaker 2of the. The vibe is like a. Really, Do you know what a vibe is? No, that's why I'm asking you you don't know what a vibe is like the vibe in the room.
Speaker 1Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2Like if someone's a vibe, that means they're good.
Speaker 1Yeah right, they have like the most energy to them For context, pippa, all right, what message would you?
Speaker 2want to share with other children or family members of people with PTSD. What's that supposed?
Speaker 1to mean what message would you want to share with other children or family members, Like if you've got a mate, say, whose mum has just been diagnosed with PTSD?
Speaker 2what would you say to him? Just like give them a hug every now and then, you know, and just like sit with them, tell them you love them, and like just like keep them happy, you know, yeah.
Speaker 1That's good advice, Cliff. Thank you. Is there anything else you'd like to say about our journey and how we've navigated life with PTSD together?
Speaker 2Not really, not really.
Speaker 1It's been pretty cruisy it's been pretty cruisy, cruisy, cruisy, yeah Say cruisy.
Speaker 2No, you said crazy.
Thought of the Week and Closing
Speaker 1I said cruisy, yeah sure it's been recorded, we can go back and listen, I know you said crazy. I just hear differently. To hear Cliff. Yeah, yeah, all right, so let's finish with the thought of the week. And, as I did for the girls, cliff is in charge of the thought of the week.
Speaker 2So here it is, and Cliff is going to read the thought of the week for us. The way we communicate with others and ourselves ultimately determines our quality of life.
Speaker 1Very true, so we need to be kind in our words to others, but I think it's more important to be kind to our words to ourselves.
Speaker 2Yeah, so we can be kind to other people as well in turn. Yeah, All right well.
Speaker 1Thanks for tuning in. I hope you have found this episode insightful. Please have a good week and be kind to yourself. Thanks for tuning in to Mad Mel's Mic. I'm Melissa Smith and I hope you've enjoyed listening. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram and don't forget to like and follow. Have a great week and don't forget to be kind to yourself.