Not Everyone Deserves Your Energy: Lessons on Self-Worth

Hey hey, welcome to Episode 26! I know I kinda ghosted last week—life happened. So today I’m back to catch you up on everything: my health stuff, some deep thoughts on friendships, and yep… 20 years of marriage while juggling PTSD. Wild ride.

Here’s what’s on my mind:

- First off, those weird tingles I’ve been getting? Turns out it’s anxiety, not anything neurological. Saw the neurologist, got the all-clear.

- Still off antidepressants and doing okay—just staying super aware of how I’m feeling and watching for any red flags.

- Oh, and my bestie Taylor Swift got engaged!! I mean, not technically my bestie, but... Absolutely. Congrats, queen 💍✨

Also, I’ve been thinking about something she said—about treating your energy like a luxury item. Not everyone can afford it, and that’s okay.

- It’s so important to notice when we’re in one-sided relationships. Effort should go both ways, right?

- So I’m asking you to take a sec and think: who are you spending your luxury energy on? Do they really deserve it?

- Alicia Keys’ “Brand New Me” has been on repeat lately—such a vibe. Friendships evolve, and that’s part of growing. It's also this week's song of the week. 

And yeah, 20 years of marriage. There were times it felt like we were just roommates but he’s my person. We’ve been through it all, and I still love him like crazy. He’s got my back, always.

So, be gentle with yourself this week. And remember: the people around you? They’re your planets. Orbit wisely 🌍💫

Song of the Week:

https://youtu.be/wOSv1TIa58M?si=ZL-K2MGOKmJVLQeX

Transcript

Welcome and Health Updates

Speaker 1 0:00

Hey there, welcome to Mad Mel's Mic. Thanks for joining me. My name is Melissa and this is a podcast all about me, about my life, about my life with PTSD, about my life with a husband and kids and friends and everything in between. Thanks for tuning in. Hello everybody, and welcome to episode 26. Look, it's crazy 26 episodes. I just want to apologise that I didn't record last week, but it's been a big couple of weeks, so let's get this episode started and I'll get to the life that was. Again, welcome to episode 26.

Speaker 1 0:43

It's been a busy couple of weeks for me. So, as you know, I was having paresthesia, which is the tingles, so I wasn't having seizures, and my psychiatrist sent me to see a neurologist and she did a heap of dexterity testing I'm not sure if that's the right word or not, but she checked all my reflexes and things like that, and there didn't seem to be anything neurologically wrong, which was fantastic news. And she said that I can return to TMS if I need it, and she said I can return to taking antidepressants if I needed as well. So that was positive news. And she thinks that the tingles was from anxiety, which is very, very possible. So I haven't had tingles for a while now. So that's been quite refreshing as well. So that was trip to Sydney in a day and that was a big day. And then I had to travel to Sydney again this week and see my psychiatrist and just get a few reports and things like that done. So it's been quite a busy couple of weeks. And look, when I say that life got away with me, it wasn't because I was ridiculously busy, it was because I was ridiculously lazy and very, very busy watching Dance Mums, and that's a commitment and I'm still going, not a quitter, and I'm going to finish the seasons and if you watch it, send me a message and let me know what you think of Abby Lee Miller.

Taylor Swift and Energy as Luxury

Speaker 1 2:21

Anyway, so that was the last couple of weeks. I'm doing pretty good, still off the antidepressants, and my psychiatrist said just like he didn't push me to go back on them, which I was very, very grateful for because I'm feeling probably the best I ever have in the last few years. So I didn't want to go back on antidepressants just for the sake of going back on them. And he just said be mindful, because I have been on them previously, my chances of relapse is quite high. And then if I do relapse, the relapse will be significant. So I need to keep my eyes out for warning signs and things like that, and those who see me on a daily basis are aware to also look out for the signs and things like that as well. So it's been quite a promising sort of four weeks since I've been out of hospital, but it's been hard because I've still been nauseous and things like that. But it's been nice feeling emotions again and crying when I should be crying and feeling irritable when I should be feeling irritable, and I haven't had those feelings for several years now. So it's nice to have them back.

Speaker 1 3:37

But this episode I wanted to discuss a few different things and one of them is my best friend got engaged. And you're saying who's your best friend? Everybody knows that Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey got engaged and it's very exciting. My girls were amazing through the roof excited when they woke up I can't remember when it was last week or whatever and let us all know that they were engaged and look, a big congratulations to her. It's exciting.

Speaker 1 4:16

I haven't brought Taylor up for a while, but what I wanted to discuss in this week's episode is her analogy when it comes to energy, and I found it so, so true. And her direct quote is you should think of your energy as if it's expensive, as if it's a luxury item. Not everybody can afford it. And it's so true. And I think what the last sort of four years has taught me is, first of all, is that the phone goes both ways, and I found myself in a position sometimes with certain people that the communication is always one side. It's me sending them a message, or hey, how are you going, or what have you been up to, and things like that, and then the conversation will start, but I find that there's no effort on their behalf and it's always me or you having to put that effort and that energy into it. So I think it's so important to realize, particularly when we're dealing with broken heads and energy is something that we don't have a lot of is that we're focusing on our energy on things and people who deserve it, and that might, that energy might be your husband, your wife, your partner, your kids, your dog, your best mate, your parents, like there's so many different things out there. But if you're finding that your relationships are hard work and that they're draining well, then for me, I don't think those relationships are worth it.

Brand New Me: Evolving Friendships

Speaker 1 5:57

So I want to get into the song of the week, which is Brand New Me by Alicia Keys. So have a listen. I don't need your opinion, I'm not waiting for your. Okay, I'll never be perfect, but at least now I'm brave. Isn't Alicia Keys just amazing? She's got the most beautiful voice. But what I like about that song is that it says if you were my friend, you'd get to know me again.

20 Years of Marriage Reflections

Speaker 1 6:55

Because we live in this life where, as we grow and as we learn and as certain incidents happen in our life, we change, and I think it's important that real friendships and relationships evolve with those changes. And if those friendships aren't evolving with those changes, well then for me and I know this is very harsh it's not worth it, because friendships and life are hard and they don't just happen. You have to put the effort in, but the effort has to be both sides, and if it's you continually putting the effort in, well then it's draining. And going back to what Taylor said about your energy, it is a luxury art, I mean. Not everybody can afford it. So what I encourage you to do is look at who you're investing your time in and asking yourself is this person worth spending my luxury item on? Is it worth giving them part of me and do they deserve that? Because, whatever has happened in the past and previously, you are brave because you have had to evolve and change and, whether the person likes it or not, that is who you are now. So I think it's important to really reflect on that. So, yeah, just have a think about it and maybe it might be time to cut some cords and work on a better you so that you can be a better friend to other people as well. So just keep that thought in mind.

Speaker 1 8:44

I also wanted to discuss this episode that it's my 20 year wedding anniversary today and that's a huge milestone 20 years and my husband and I have had a journey, and when I talk about relationships and relationships evolving and ebbs and flows and things like that, I think marriage is a perfect example of where you're spending your energy and things like that. So we've had moments in our marriage where I have felt like we have cohabitated, and that has been as recent as this year, where I was in a really bad state in terms of my mental health. I literally felt like I was just living with my husband, not being married to one another. I think it's important to realize that marriage is like that. I remember saying to him one night I said I really feel like we're just cohabitating. I said this isn't what you signed up for.

Speaker 1 9:50

No-transcript. This is marriage. It's ups and downs. It's for better, for worse, it's for sickness and health. It's all or nothing. And it's not easy and I think it's a conscious decision you make every day when you wake up to go.

Speaker 1 10:05

You know what this bloke next to me is annoying the fuck out of me. But I still love him and it's getting through those challenges and it's getting through the challenges together and working through those things together. And he's a funny funny man because I have had a lot of ventures in my life. I have decorated cakes, I've bred chooks, I've run ultra marathons, I've done overnight camping and now I've got the podcast and now I'm trying to get into motivational speaking as well. And he supports me in every single thing that I do. But he must be going. What the fuck now? Like what? What else could this girl want to do? Like it's motorbike riding, it's puzzles, it's board games, it's painting, it's everything that you could probably think of.

Speaker 1 10:57

I have ventured and done something for that and he knows that that's my personality and he loves me for it. And I'm sure that it annoys the shit out of him. It's like, oh, here he goes. But I don't think it only just annoys him. Sometimes I think he gets scared. It's like, oh, what is she dipping her toes into this time? But I don't think it only just annoys him. Sometimes I think he gets scared. It's like, oh, what is she dipping her toes into this time?

Speaker 1 11:24

But with marriage we support one another and as much as I love to hate him at some times, I still wake up every day and I still wake up loving him. And I just wanted today to be about us. And he's at work and I'm at home recording an episode and we'll be at basketball this afternoon for the kids and then we'll go out for a sneaky dinner tonight. But I dare say that I will be in bed by nine o'clock and he'll be up watching TV. But it's just sort of the pattern that we've fallen into. And don't get me wrong, marriage is hard. It's hard work and it takes a lot of effort on both sides, but it's so rewarding as well just to know that I have a person beside me through the ups and the downs, through the ugly, through the sad, through everything that I have experienced, not only in the last four years but in the last 20 years of our marriage, that I know that he's got my back.

Speaker 1 12:28

So I think, talking about marriage and hold on, my mom's calling me. Mom was calling me but I didn't answer. I just hung up on her. That's right. I'll talk to her later Kind of lost my train of thought now. It's funny how this podcast has actually evolved, because when I first started, I'd write down sort of dot points and have certain things that I wanted to discuss each episode and as we've gotten along, I just go okay, what am I going to talk about today? Have that in my head, and then I just dribble shit and I know people are listening to it. So, thank you with the shit I've been dribbling. Hopefully that you can find something beneficial out of it and it can be helpful. But, yes, thank you.

Final Thoughts and Weekly Message

Speaker 1 13:14

So, going back to relationships and marriages, there's been times that I've gone. Fuck, this is just all too hard. I'm just going to pack up and leave, but I think it's important to realize that. Well, for me sometimes it's easier to walk away and it's a lot harder to put the effort in to a marriage, but it is worth the fight and it's worth putting it in there. So, while I'm celebrating my 20-year wedding anniversary, taylor is just about to get married, which is very, very exciting. I don't expect an invitation in the mail very exciting, I don't expect an invitation in the mail, but it's just a running joke we have in our house that Taylor is my best friend. Look, I've got a very good best friend. I've got amazing support networks around me, and they are the ones who I want to put my energy towards my oh look, another phone call. I want to put the effort into the relationships where they put the effort in as well, because I am worth people putting energy in for and you are worth that as well.

Speaker 1 14:27

So I just want you to remember that as we go into this week or into this day, whenever you listen to the episode. But yeah, just remember that you are worth it. You are valuable. Your energy is a luxury item and not everybody can afford it and certainly not everybody deserves it. So have a look. If there's any people there that are pulling at the purse strings and can't afford that your energy then it might be time to cut them loose. So just go into this week knowing that you are loved and that your energy is worth the fight.

Episode Closing

Speaker 1 15:11

So, as we do every week, I'm going to finish with the thought of the week, and it's relating to people and energy and things like that. I thought I'd try and keep it on today's theme, and the thought is the people you surround yourself with are like your planets orbit wisely. So let's use our energy for something positive and remember that we can rejoice in the small wins, like brushing our teeth or washing your hair or getting out of bed just the little things, because they're the things that matter. And look after yourself and, more importantly, look after your energy, because it's only limited and some days you have a lot of it and other days you don't have much at all. So just just use your energy wisely. Thanks for tuning in. Have a great week and be kind to yourself. Bye. Thanks for tuning in to mad mel's mic. I'm melissa smith and I hope you've enjoyed listening. You can find me on facebook and instagram and don't forget to like and follow. Have a great week and don't forget to be kind to yourself.