Season Finale: Holding Space At Christmas

Season 1 Finale; Episode 35

We close the season with a candid look at PTSD, support that actually helps, and the messy balance between ambition, health, and holidays. Music memories, first speaking gigs, and hard-won lessons shape a toolkit for getting through Christmas without losing yourself.

• deciding to pause for the year and return with interviews
• why Desperado still hits and why support matters more than fixing
• sport, injuries, and the Sydney Marathon dilemma
• the first official talk, clinician feedback, and refining the story
• sharing the podcast boldly and a lucky comedy‑night connection
• listener messages that validate lived experience
• how to support with texts, SUDS scale, and small, specific offers
• Christmas reminders: say no, take breaks, celebrate micro‑wins
• goals for more talks and consistent socials next year

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Song of the Week:

Desperado - The Eagles

https://youtu.be/-q93wc3-deU?si=COxU7-nH25nyJ3uf

How to Make Gravy - Paul Kelly

https://youtu.be/iYqIF2XkqKU?si=DCtdPUSGbwPK0L_W

Thought of the Week:

- Its ok if your struggling  - You are allowed to say no  - You are not a burden  - You are more important than other peoples expectations  - Christmas looks different for everyone  - Its ok to take breaks  - You are not alone   - Its ok if you need to just get through the day.

Transcript

Season Close And Year Wrap

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey there, welcome to Mad Mel's Mic. Thanks for joining me. My name is Melissa and this is a podcast all about me. About my life. About my life with PTSD. About my life with the husband and kids and friends and everything in between. Thanks for tuning in. Hey everybody and welcome to Mad Mel's Mic episode 35. This is going to be my last one for the year. I'm going to wrap up the season with 35 episodes, which is pretty gnarly, I think. Christmas is approaching, school holidays is approaching, and I'm tired. So let's get this episode started. So thanks everyone for tuning in again. Episode 35. And like I've already said, I have decided that this is going to be my last episode for the season. I will be back next year with some exciting things. I know I've mentioned it in previous episodes and stuff like that, but I want to reach out and start interviewing more people who are also working walking through a PTSD journey. So we can get more insight from other people as well. And I think one of my biggest things that I've learned is that not only do we learn personally from our trading parties, but more importantly from those who are also living in as well. So I think it's good they might be able to share some different insight that I haven't been able to do. So yeah, that's that's the plan for next year. But I'm gonna have a bit of a break from podcasting. I do have intentions of getting more proactive on my socials as well. So that's something that I really want to work on in the new year as well. So let's get this episode started with the song of the week. And before I play it, I just want to tell a bit of a funny story. So it's Desperado by the Eagles. And when I was a kid, mum and dad had a record player back in the early 80s. I don't know, I was born in 84. So, but I remember this. I was in high school, and I'd always we'd be in the formal lounge room, which we were never allowed to use, but that's where the piano was, and I had a couple of lessons, and I can dabble a little bit in the piano, but I'm not any good at it. But I'd listen to mum and dad's vinyls, more mum's than dad's, and I would sing along and get the cassette tape out and record myself singing terribly. But I remember having this boyfriend that would have been in high school, can't remember his name, I can't remember how old I was, but back then we used to write our love letters not on paper, but we would record stuff on tape. I guess it sort of evolved today, and now we've got Snapchat and voice messaging and stuff like that. But back in the day it was cassette tape. So I recorded this letter to my boyfriend at the time and sent it over to him. And then one of our mutual friends, she was a couple of years older than me, and goes, Oh, we listened to your recording. And I was mortified that he would let anybody listen to it. And then she goes, Yes. And then we heard you singing your lungs out at the end of the tape, and I was singing my lungs out to Desperado. I was so mortified that she had not only heard my love letter to this boyfriend who I was probably sharing my heart and soul to at a tender age in high school, but hearing me terribly sing this song. So, look, I think the song can resonate with a lot of us. It's about walking this journey of life by ourselves, but I think it's important to remember that we need people in our corners. So let's have a listen. Such a beautiful song, but it does resonate. And and I think it is important to know, and I know one of my episodes was titled, You Can't Fix Me, but you can walk beside me. And I think that's important to remember that yes, this mental health journey that we're on is something that we need to do solo, but it is so, so important that we have people walking next to us who are supporting us on our journeys. So hold those people dear to you because they are life-changing. So, yes. So, what have I been up to recently? Well, I have been pickleballing, I have been playing basketball, and my body is saying, Fuck you. And I know it's my own fault. I don't do my physio exercises, I do zero strength work and I go from zero to a hundred with my activities, and my body is just going, hang on a second, girl, you need to calm your farm. But I really, really love pickleball, I'm really, really enjoying it. So I saw the physio today. Nothing terrible is bad, just my body falling apart slowly and surely. No, that's not that bad at all. But I just need to do some strength work, and I know that I need I need to do strength work. So I've um actually was successful in getting a ballot entry into the Sydney Marathon in August next year. So I'm at a bit of a crossroads because Mel told me to put the ballot in and we could run it together, and I was the success, successful one, and she wasn't, so it's now like, do I actually want to put this training in? And do I want to run this event by myself? So I'm just trying to figure out what I want to do with life in that because I've never actually run a road marathon as well, and I think Sydney Marathon would be an awesome event to do for my one and only road marathon. And I know that getting back into running would be really, really good for me physically, but it would be good for me mentally, and just being able to find that balance between using exercise as a tool and not as a negative vice as well. So I'm finding that tricky as well. So yeah, it's just trying to figure out that balance with life. I had, I know last week's episode was a sneak peek to my motivational resilient speaking presentation, and I just want to take the time to say thank you to the people who reached out for me. I am sorry I made everybody cry. I am holding my shit together now, and I just think looking back on my journey over the last four years and looking back with a little bit of clarity that I have now, I can see how far I've come. And I am proud of that. And I think that's what really hit home as I was telling my story in that little sneak peek. And yeah, it was a big moment. And yes, as I said in last week's episode, I know I know I continually tell everybody it's okay to cry, but when you're recording a podcast, you you can't cry and talk, and that's very, very hard work. So I had to navigate that, but we we got through there. But I am happy to say that I had my first official presentation yesterday. It was over Teams at Mel's work, uh, she works in the suicide prevention field, so it was really nice to get my first one done and under the belt, and I'm really happy with how it went. There's a few little things I need to tweak with my presentation just so it can flow a little bit better. But the manager gave me some very insightful feedback, and that's what I was hoping for. So just things that I need to know. So, because I was presenting to clinicians, they wanted to know a little bit more about my treatment and stuff like that, and they wanted to know a little bit more about my policing career. So that's all good information that I can put in there as well for future um presentations. So, yeah, that was very exciting to get that first one under the belt. So, yes, it's been been very, very nice. So, Mel and two other mates of mine went and saw the comedian Mel Buddle in town last weekend. And I'll tell you what, if you're not following her on social media, you should do it because she's one funny human being. But with my podcast and my speaking, I unashamedly tell everybody about it. And I and I think it's important, like I want to get my the word out there. I have had so many messages of encouragement and how my podcast has helped them in their personal journeys as well. And I think that the more people we can get it out to, the more people we can help as well. So I am telling everybody about my podcast and I'm doing it without shame because I think it's important to get the word out there. So we went and saw Mel Buddle, we were in the front row, we ended up hanging around and chatting with her. And the bloke organizers that used to run the um used to own a cafe in town, and when I was working, we'd go get a coffee from there every day. So like I knew him, like I we live in a small town, so well it's not small, but we live in a town where an amenity isn't what it is in the city. So um we had a chat with them, and then Mel Buddle goes, Oh, so who's the cop? And I sort of look at her and then look over to the fellow who was organizing. I said, Oh, that was me. I said, I my head broke four years ago and I'm not out. And he's going, Oh shit, I'm really, really sorry. I went, No, that's fine. I said, This is a perfect segue. And I pull out a business card and a little flyer of my bio and said to Mel, look, I've got a podcast. I'd love for you to have a listen to it. If not, that's fine, but I just want to get the word out there and stuff like that. And she mentioned another podcast through the ABC conversations of a psychologist who used to work for the army. And so she sent me that evening, she sent me a private message on Instagram just reaching out and giving a link to this episode. And it was so nice, and like it may not go anywhere or anything like that, but it's just nice to know that yes, you may look like a dickhead telling people about the podcast that they don't want to know about, but it's going to reach one person, maybe two people through that. And if I can help them on their journeys as well, then that's going to be very positive. So, yeah, that was it was really nice, and she was a funny comedian. If you can get to one of her shows, I would highly recommend it. So have a little bit of a giggle and have a good old night, and leave your cares and worries at the door, and yeah, just have fun. So, because this is their last episode for the season and for the year, I thought I would reflect back on the 12 months of my journey, and I tell you what, it's been a roller coaster, and it's really, really reassuring to see where I am now to where I have been, and that's really nice. But what I wanted to do is just take a minute and have a talk about some of the messages that I have received regarding my podcast, and they have been so heartwarming. It's been very, very lovely. Isn't it funny? Like, I'm sitting here recording and we got the flow going, and then I get a phone call. It's like, oh, now I lose all my train of thought. Like, yes, I didn't have to answer it, but it was well, of course I was going to answer it. Anyway, so let's go into some of these beautiful messages that people not only have taken the time to listen to my podcast, but taken the time to send me a message as well. So here's just a few of them. So the first one is I was just listening to your podcast, the dickhead Mel Got Stoned one. I was having a really shit day after the psych and dealing with insurance companies, and was sitting in the car at school pickup and laughed out loud enough for the other parents to turn around and look. I really needed that laugh. Thank you. Awesome first episode. Listen to it this morning. Your voice is so calming. Thank you for sharing your podcast with us all. Looking forward to seeing where it takes you. Hi, Mel, just listened to your podcast. It was brilliant. I'm so sorry for your pain. Just keep going. Can't wait until next week. I wanted to put more in the message, but I can't come up with the words. Hey sis, listening to the podcast. It's a great listen. I do hope Tay Tay reaches out to you one day and also becomes your bestie. Maybe bravery. It's very brave of you to put this out there. I hope it helps you on your journey of living with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. I really hope it helps others as well. Just listen to your podcast. I think you're awesome. Despite everything you've gone through, I love that you are still positive. You have such a good outlook on things, and yep, you also gave me a couple of laughs from your honesty, like kids are little jerks. Well done, Madmel. Listening to looking forward to listening to more. Mate, I'm so bloody lucky our paths crossed. I just listened to your latest podcast and it hit home. Knowing there is somewhere out there that gets it. Help so much. No profound fluffy words or advice, just understanding and truth. Thank you. So that's just a couple of the messages that I've received. And I'll tell you what, they really do warm the soul. And it's so nice. But the last one I wanted to mention and I wanted to talk a little bit more about it is this one here. Fuck Mel. I'm so sorry I wasn't a better friend. And a mate sent that to me literally only on Saturday, and it's now Tuesday. And I just want to point out here that when I was in my deepest, darkest point, there was nothing any friend could do. I was very, very good at isolating and I was very, very good at pushing people away. And I don't think it's for my friend group and my family or my friends to be sorry because they weren't better friends or a better mum or dad or whatever the case might be, because this is a journey that I need to do myself. And I I pushed a lot of people away. And because it was too hard. It was too hard to talk. It was too hard to I was too tired. I was just emotionally drained. And the thought of having to have conversations with people was really, really difficult. So it also gets me on to one of the questions I was asked yesterday when I was doing the presentation. Oh, it was sort of more of a spin-off question, not actually during the presentation, but how as a loved one of somebody who is walking through this PTSD journey, how can they support their loved ones? And so for me, don't call. Phone calls are shit. I like even now when I'm feeling quite good, I don't want to talk on the phone. And I think that's part of my personality as well. But it's so much easier to respond to a text message than having a 30-second conversation with somebody. So if I can give you any advice, it is to first of all not give up because the place where they are at the moment is the place where they need their friends, but they're also at that place in their time where they're pushing people away. So you need to bear in mind that their behavior is a part of their injury and their behavior is not indicative of your friendship together and that you they still need your support. So what I suggest for you to do is to message them, send them a message saying, thinking of you. Don't ask questions, don't say how are you, because I can pretty much guarantee their standard response, if any, would be good. I'm fine. And we all know that's a crock of shit because we are so, so good at wearing masks. Another really, really good way to ask somebody how they're feeling when they're struggling with their PTSD and mental health is to use the sud scale, which is the sudden um subjective units of distress scale. And I know I'm pretty sure I said I'd pop it up on my socials uh earlier this year, and I probably haven't. So I will do that. But that's an easy question. So if somebody was asking me, hey Mel, what are your suds today? And it's a scale from zero to ten, ten being like this is really, really bad, zero being good. So anywhere sort of from zero zero to four, you're sitting in the green, five to seven, you're in sort of the amber-orangey phase, and then eight to ten, you're in the red. And so it's easy just to say, hey Mel, what are your suds today? And I'll go, look, I'm under four. Okay, no dramas at all. And Mel and I use that a fair bit, actually. And there were times there where she'd go, Oh, what are your suds? Mel, and I'd go, I'm sitting at a seven or an eight. And she goes, Okay, we're not doing anything. So if you can educate yourself on that scale and say, and and know and learn where your loved one is at on that scale, I think it's very important. And it's a great tool to use because then we don't have to articulate with words, we don't have to try and name our emotion, and we don't have to use our brain because we're we're using our brains just to keep our eyes open. And if we can just say I'm a four or a five or a six or a ten, I think that's so much easier to be able to look at using instead of saying, How are you? So yeah, the Sud Scale is a very good tool that you can use. And another thing that I would like to impress on everybody if your loved one is having mental health issues, is to not give up on them because there's going to come a point, and I know there will be because I have been there, where they're they're going to want to open up and not necessarily open up and share their war stories and the trauma and stuff like that, but they're going to be in a position where they're going to need that loved one standing next to them. And if we can just prove to them that, look, despite the shit that you're going through, I know that this relationship at the moment is very, very one-sided, but I am still here for you. That is so important because it's so important when you are in the depths of that shittiness to know that you are loved. And when you are in that in that hell at the time, I don't remember this need to be it's I now lost my train of thought. It's it's important to know that you are loved because our self-worth is diminished. And if we can just get those Text messages saying, love you, thinking of you, hope you're doing okay. Is there anything I can do? And I think it's important to be asking questions like that. Is there anything I can do for you? Most of the time it's going to be no, but one day it might be, you know what? I think I need to go to Woolies to get some chocolate. Would you mind coming with me? Or would you mind grabbing it for me? Just little things like that, just to show that yes, they are going through a rough patch at the moment, but you are still loved and you are still worthy. So I think that's really, really important. Um so yeah, it's nearly Christmas, and I think what better way to wrap up this episode is with my favorite Christmas song. And I know I don't normally do two songs, but it's Christmas, and it's the last one for the year. So let's see. So I have made it very, very obvious and very, very clear to many, many people that this is my favorite Christmas song ever, and I think it is quintessentially Australian. So let's have a sneak peek and a little listen to How to Make Gravy by Paul Kelly. And if you haven't watched the film clip, it's quite fine. He's standing on the top of this building. I don't know what city it is, and there's a Hills Hoist clothesline with a little bit of tinsel hanging off it. And I just go, that is so Australian. I love it. So yes, it's Christmas time. And I think it's important to remember that Christmas time also leads to heavy hearts. So please be kind to yourself over this silly season. And just remember, I know I said it in last week's episode or the week before, that people at this time of year are going to be bragging on social media about what they've achieved for the year. And if you have only achieved surviving, then hell yeah, let's celebrate it. Let's continue to celebrate the small wins. Did you get out of bed? Fuck yeah, I did. Brushed your teeth. You are winning. So let's really, really make the most of those small wins and celebrate them. Spend time with your loved ones. Life is short, life is hard, and we never know what's around the corner. So let's make the most of it. And let's have a finish with the thought of the week. So here are some good little Christmas reminders for our mental health. And each of these is very, very important. It's okay if you're struggling. Fuck here it is. You're allowed to say no. And I think that's so important to remember because we get so caught up in what we should be doing for other people, but we don't put ourselves first. You are not a burden. You are more important than other people's expectations. Isn't that a good one? Yes, I am more important than what other people expect from me. Christmas looks different for everyone. Yes, I will be spending Christmas with my family, but you might not be. And that's okay. And it's okay to take breaks. If you're feeling overwhelmed with the family, take a break, go stand outside in the ridiculous heat, go do a mindful exercise. Go see five things you can see, listen, and feel. You are not alone, and it's okay if you need to just get through the day. So you are important during this Christmas period. Put yourself first, but also share the time with your loved ones. Look, thank you so much for listening this year. It has been so overwhelming with the amount of support and stuff like that. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to listen to my voice. I really, really appreciate it. Just quickly before we finish, I am not a person for news resolutions. I don't even last a day half the time. But I have got set myself some goals for 2026. And if I share them publicly, maybe I might actually do them. So my first goal is I want to get more into my motivational speaking. So my goal is to have presented at least six to eight times during 2026, and I don't think that's unattainable. And my second goal, which I really struggle with, is to be more present on my social medias with Mad Mail's mics. So if you haven't seen me on socials for a week or so, hit me a message and say, bitch, get off your ass and get on the socials. Have a very Merry Christmas. Remember what you're celebrating and be kind to yourself. Thanks again for tuning in. I really appreciate it. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram and don't forget to like and follow.