When Tomorrow Finally Arrives: Choosing Healing One Footstep At A Time

Season 2, episode 1

Season two opens with a clear-eyed check-in on PTSD, family milestones, and the simple habits that shape recovery. We talk sleep, anxiety, honest wins, and a new outpatient program, ending with a gentle nudge to be kind to yourself.

• song of the week and why Unwell resonates with PTSD recovery
• family updates across graduation, school, and apprenticeship
• chaotic, joyful Christmas and six-hour karaoke marathon
• stormy coast holiday, board games, and being more present
• anxiety rising with late-night tennis and sleep loss
• practical link between sleep quality and symptom flare-ups
• pride in progress and permission for imperfect days
• starting an online PTSD and anxiety program and staying engaged
• plans to interview family and peers for lived experience insights
• thought of the week on self-kindness and closing reflection

“Thanks for tuning in to Mad Mail’s Mic. I’m Melissa Smith, and I hope you’ve enjoyed listening. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram, and don’t forget to like and follow.”

Song of the week:

Unwell - Matchbox Twenty

https://youtu.be/WziA88-n02k?si=TBYwEuAyKkC1edNE

Thought of the week:

The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy

"Being kind to yourself in one of the greatest kindnesses, said the mole"

Transcript

Season Two Kickoff

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey there, welcome to Mad Male's Mike. Thanks for joining me. My name is Melissa and this is a podcast all about me. About my life. About my life with PTSD. About my life with the husband and kids and friends and everything in between. Thanks for tuning in. Hey everybody and welcome to season two, episode one. It's hard to believe that we're actually at season two and it's 2026. I hope you've all had a nice Christmas and everything, and let's get so welcome again, everybody. 2026 is upon us, and it's crazy to think that 2025 just flew on by. It's also hard to believe that sitting here recording the first episode of season two, and I've had so many listeners and comments and wonderful feedback and things that I'm taking on board to bring on a even better season two. So thank you for everybody's support. Thank you for liking and sharing everything. And this episode, I'm just going to have a chat about where and what I've been up to in the last couple of months since I recorded. From memory, it was probably the end of November, early December, since my last episode. So it's now February. And yeah, so it's been a it's been a nice little break. Not that recording is draining or cumbersome or anything like that, but it was nice to spend time with the family and enjoy Christmas and New Year. So let's get the episode started with the song of the week, which is Unwell by Matchbox 20. Have a listen. But what I like about this song is that it mentions that they're not crazy, they're just a little unwell. And I like to think that with myself, with my mental health and stuff like that. Yes, there's been times in my journey where I have certainly felt that I was very, very crazy, but I certainly wasn't crazy, just unwell. And that was from an injury to my head, not a physical injury, but a psychological injury. And as I've spoken about before, PTSD changes the functionality of our brains, and therefore it isn't classed as an injury. So yeah, it's just a nice little song. As usual, I'll pop the link up to the full song in the show notes, and I'll also add it to my Spotify and Mad Mills Mic playlist so you can jump on there and have a listen to all the songs that I've played over season one, and I will continue doing that during this season as well. So, what have I been up to in the last couple of months? I feel like it has been a whirlwind of a couple of months. So Rory finished year 12, which was insane, and we had her graduation ball, which was a beautiful night. She had the time of her life. So now we're just trying to navigate life after school for her. She starts uni next month. So yeah, it's it's been nice having her at home and spending time with her. Clifford finished year nine last year, so he's just started school into year 10. And Kenzie is still going really well in her hairdressing apprenticeship and should be all done up by June, which is amazing. So the kids are going really well. Christmas was lovely and hectic, which Christmas normally is. We went to my mum and dad's, and my brother and his wife and kids, and my sister and her kids were there, and yeah, it was was really nice actually. And my husband had bought these speakers for um for basketball coaching. But um he ended up buying a couple of microphones and we hooked up and ended up doing karaoke. It was such a fun night. We ended up, I reckon we ended up singing for probably about six hours straight, maybe half an hour, an hour break for dinner in between there. But it was nice just to spend time with the family and just enjoy each other's company and really bad singing. Look, don't get me wrong, there are a couple of us, me not included, that can hold a tune. But it was nice that everybody got out of their comfort zones and things like that, and you could just see everybody just slowly relaxing into singing and letting their inhibitions go. So that was really nice. New Year's Eve, not one to really do a lot. Went to mate's house and had dinner and watched the fireworks from their backyard at one of the local ovals, and they were about 9.15, so I think we're home by 9.30. Ended up having to pick Rory up from a party at midnight, so I saw the new year in in my car whilst I was driving to pick her up. But yeah, it was it was very nice. What else have I been up to? We always go down the south coast on a family holiday with mum and dad, and my brother and his family normally come as well, but they couldn't make it this year. And it's just a nice, relaxing time. We've been going to the same holiday park for probably about 15 years now. So you sort of get to know other campers and stuff like that. But the weather for the first half of it was just terrible. It was during the time when the cyclonic storms were coming through. So for the first five days, it was just rain and wind, and it was just miserable. But the second half of it cleared up and it ended up being really, really nice. So yeah, then just sort of been hanging around at home, just trying to organize a few bits and pieces before school and stuff like that. So yeah, it's been a nice break. It has flown, and it's hard to believe that it is already February and the first month of 2026 has already been and gone. So I need to keep telling myself that I need to take them, make the most of every minute of every day because it just goes so, so fast. So let's enjoy the time that we have because before we know it, it's going to be 2027 and we're going to be looking back, going, where the hell has 2026 gone? So yeah, it's it's it's been a nice, lovely break. So I guess the important question that I want to answer for everybody is where my head has been up to over the past couple of months. And in a nutshell, it's been pretty good. I'm still off my antidepressants, I'm still taking my medicinal marijuana oils, I'm still taking my blood pressure medication, which helps with nightmares as well. So, but what I've found, particularly over the last two weeks, I'm my anxiety has been not bad, but it's been present. And for me, the presence of my anxiety sits with the weight and pressure on my chest, but it hasn't certainly been as crippling as it has been in the past. And one of the reasons I think this has been is because I haven't been getting a lot of sleep, and that is completely self-inflicted. So, for those of you who know me, I am a tennis fan, and the Australian Open has been on. So I have been watching the tennis all day and for most of the night. So, depending on what games we're playing and things like that, it I could be in bed by 10. And there was one night just a few nights ago where I didn't see bed before 2 a.m. And the the lack of sleep really plays with my anxiety. So hopefully now that the tennis is over and Akaraz won last night, I will be able to see earlier nights and get into a better routine in terms of my sleep and things like that. Because what I've learned over the journey of my head and things like that is that I um sleep is so important. It's so imperative to the recovery. And if you're not getting a decent night's sleep, well, then that sort of just puts you on the back foot for the next day. And watching the tennis has certainly put me very, very far on the back foot. But as I said, it is very self-inflicted, so I have nobody else to blame but myself. But yeah, it it's kind of um not reassuring, but nice to know that it I don't even know how what I'm trying to say or how to articulate it, but the only reason for me is that my anxiety has been rearing its ugly head again is because of my lack of sleep, because nothing at home has changed. We've still been doing the exact same thing. I haven't had any setbacks or changes or little things rear its head to say, well, hang on a second, your anxiety's still here. And the only thing I can put it down to is my tennis watching, therefore my lack of sleep. So that's it's I think it's comforting to know that there isn't something like sinister there behind it. So yeah, it's it's it's been nice. But I actually really do love the tennis, and I just can't stop watching it. And I remember sitting on the lounge, it was probably about 12:30, 1 o'clock when Djokovic and Cinnam were playing. I'm going, Melissa, you just need to go to bed. But for the life of me, I just couldn't do it. I just had to keep watching this game. And I I'm not the type of person who can watch a game later, like on replay or something like that, because I'm on Facebook and socials and shit like that. So no doubt I would have seen the score because I can't help myself. So yeah, as I said, it's self-inflicted, and I need to get that all sorted. So, yes, that's been quite nice. What else has been going on with my head? Look, I'm incredibly proud of how well my mental health has been going recently. The, as I spoke about earlier, we had a family holiday, and I think this was one of the most enjoyable ones I have had since my head broke. And I felt like I was a little bit more present with the family, which was really, really nice. And we played board games and things like that. And yes, I watched the tennis, but we were sort of doing things together as a family where in the past couple of years that hadn't been the case. Like I was wasn't in the headspace when the family went to the beach, so I'd stay at the caravan and things, things like that. Like it, and it was hard this year to judge exactly how I was going because the weather was so terrible. So there weren't many sort of excursions outside of the caravan park because it was so miserable. Like the boys played golf a few times, which the girls and I would never have gone to anyway. But yeah, I think there was only one time that there was a family outing and they all went to Funland down in Uladullah. But I didn't go to that, and I just thought, oh, I would just spend everybody's money and tokens on skill testers where I'm never going to get anything out of. So it's probably works out better for them that I didn't end up going because they wouldn't have had any money left after I got my hands on those claw machines. So yeah, it was nice to see that, and it's always nice to spend time with mum and dad as well. So yeah, but it's it's very promising to see where I have come from the past four years and to where I am sitting now. So yeah. It's been it's been a hard journey, and as I've said previously in other episodes in last season, that this journey of mental health is not something that somebody else can fix. And I know that I have put in the hard work, I know it's been excruciating at times, and I know for myself that I have looked at other options as well. But I think it's important to realize that this is just a moment in my life and in your life, and it's not going to last forever, although it does feel like it. It feels like the the darkness is so awe-consuming that you can't see the light from anything. So if I am a testament to anything and I'm not trying to float my own boat or anything like that, but I want people out there to realize that yes, you may be feeling shit today, but tomorrow is another day. And hopefully, with time, your tomorrow will look better. And your tomorrow might not come tomorrow. Your tomorrow might be in six months' time or 12 months' time or two years' time, but I can guarantee you your tomorrow will come and there will be a brighter future for you. We just have to keep working hard and putting one foot in front of another because it's it's hard, bloody work and it's fucking shit. But I know that I have gotten there and I am seeing that light. And yes, there may be times where it's a little bit dark, but we are getting there. So, yeah, one foot in front of the other team, and let's keep moving. I actually am starting an outpatient program tomorrow. It's the PTSD and anxiety course, it's an online course, so I'm not having to head down every week to the hospital, which is actually quite nice. But on the same token, I am a little bit concerned because it is online and I am easily distracted, and I consider myself dory from finding the ammo and going, oh, bright light. Yes, I'm a natural blue. But I I know with these type of things that what I put into it is what I'm going to get out of it. So it's it's going to be tough, it's going to be a challenge to be sitting in front of the computer for three hours once a week. And and I know three hours doesn't seem like a long time, but three hours when your capacity is not great is can feel like an eternity. So I'll keep you updated with how that's going and things like that. So yeah, so that'll be that'll be interesting. That starts tomorrow. Um, it's going to be very disjointed, I think, particularly for me as well. So tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment. So I'll probably only get two hours, if that, of maybe an hour and 40 minutes, hour and 30 minutes of tomorrow's course. So that's going to be difficult as well. I also am heading down to Sis Sydney for and emerge and see, catch up, and I'm also heading to Bali with the same group of people from Emergency just as a little getaway, which I'm really excited about. But those things that I've already had planned are going to sort of touch into my course. So I'm going to try my very hardest to get as much out of it as I can. I and I kind of put it as like when I see the physio and they give you those exercises, and we all go, oh, here we go. I don't want to do exercises. I hate doing the exercises, but the only person who benefits from doing these exercises is myself. And I put this program in the same sort of space as physio exercises. And so the more effort I make with completing the course and engaging in the course, the more I'm going to get out of it. And therefore, the more I'm going to benefit from it in the long run. So yeah, it's it's one of those things that I'm going to try my very hardest not to get distracted by having Rory at home, for instance, or oh, there's a load of washing in the machine. Let's go and fill it out. I mean, fill it out, let's go and hang it out on the line and things like that. So it's about being present in the moment because I will benefit from this course. So yeah, let's see how that goes. And as I said, I will certainly keep you all updated and see what I learned from it. And hopefully, I may be able to share some of the insight to you guys, and you may be able to benefit from some of it as well. So, as I said at the end of last season, is that my intention this year with Mad Mail's mic is to start interviewing more people with that. I haven't interviewed anybody yet, so but that is certainly on my to-do list. I would really love to interview my brother, so hopefully he will be coming up in the next couple of weeks. I'd love to interview my mum and dad, but I think technology issues might come into play there. So they don't live very close to me. They're about five hours away, so it's not something I can just duck over and interview them in person. So I will might have to do a bit of a um tech lesson for them so we can jump on Zoom and we can do it as well. And then my intention is to reach out to listeners and people who I've met on my journey and interview them. And one thing I have learned through this process of process of I keep saying journey, but journey is such a the right word for it. So what I've learned through my journey is that not only do we learn from our treating parties, we also learn from other people's lived experiences. So I'm going to be reaching out to people who I've met in hospital and things like that and see what they have done on their mental health journey to help them along the way. And hopefully we can get a little bit of different insights and maybe have a little bit of laugh along the way as well. So that is the plan for season two and 2026. So let's just wrap it up and we'll finish with a thought of the week. Okay, so the thought of the week is from a book that one of the beautiful nurses gave me my very first day in hospital called The Boy, The Mole, The Fox, and the Horse. And it's by Charlie McKay. I apologise, but it's actually really hard to read this writing. And I have literally just randomly opened it up to a page, and this will be the thought of the week. Be kind to yourself is one of the greatest kindness, said the mole. Isn't that like I just find that so mind-blowing that I finish every single episode with be kind to yourself? And I literally read like and I'm not pulling your leg here, I'm not bullshitting you. I literally just opened up the page, and that's what it is. So, how touching and important is that? So let's finish it up with how I finish every episode. Have a good week and be kind to yourself. Thanks for listening. Thanks for tuning in to Mad Mail's Mike. I'm Melissa Smith, and I hope you've enjoyed listening. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram, and don't forget to like and follow. Have a great week, and don't forget to be kind to yourself.