Time Moves Fast, Hold Your People Close

Season 2, Episode 3

We explore how fast life feels and why music, small joys, and steady people help us face PTSD and depression. A workshop comparing mental and physical disability weights reframes invisible pain, while a weekend of concerts, volunteering and rep basketball becomes a field test for coping skills.

• time racing and naming the squeeze
• song of the week as an anchor
• stadium singalong and shared humanity
• how we record without a script
• volunteering highs, travel fatigue, rest needs
• trash TV as low-stakes mindfulness
• mental vs physical disability weights
• stigma of invisible injury and service dogs
• sideline anxiety and holding steady
• doing the work and owning progress
• thought of the week from Charlie Mackesy

You can find me on Facebook and Instagram and don't forget to like and follow

Song of the week

Stand By Me - Ben E. King

https://youtu.be/hwZNL7QVJjE?si=J8KRV0nOQcF9Ym7I

Thought of the Week:

The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and the Horse - Charlie Mackesy

"Sometimes I feel lost, said the boy. Mw too said the Mole, but we love you and love brings you home"

Transcript

Welcome And Season Update

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey there, welcome to Mad Male's Mic. Thanks for joining me. My name is Melissa and this is a podcast all about me. About my life. About my life with PTSD. About my life with the husband and kids and friends and everything in between. Thanks for tuning in. Hey everybody and welcome to episode three of season two. Thanks for joining me this week. I know at the end of last episode I spoke about interviewing my brother and he would be on this episode. Unfortunately, life has gotten in the way and we didn't get a chance to catch up. So you're stuck with me for this week. So let's get this episode started. Thanks again for tuning into episode three. This year just seems to be flying already, like we're halfway through February, and I'm making plans for October, and before you know it, it's going to be Christmas again. It's ridiculous. I was talking with mum the other day, and she was just saying how fast time is going, and I don't know why, but over the last few years it's just seems to be flying. Like I'm not occupying my days with anything much, but life still, I don't know, I don't know. And I'm not sure if it's just us, and I don't think it is, like other people I've spoken to just say like it's just going so so fast. So let's make the most of every moment because it's gonna be Christmas from 2026 before we know it, and then we'll be looking at 2027. So um the Sun of the Week this week is Stand By Me by Ben E. King. So let's have a listen. You might all be thinking, what a random choice for the song of the week, but there is a little story for it. But I actually just did some Googling and it's not a very new song, so it was written by Ben E. King in 1962, which is before my time, but it's still a good song to have a listen to. But the um what made me think of it actually is my sister and my two girls and I went and saw Ed Sheeran the other night, um, and he was amazing. Um, I'm just gonna say and throw it out here though. I don't particularly love his new um loop album. And it's funny, one of my mates went and saw him the night before, and I got a Snapchat for from her with one of his more upbeat songs saying something along the lines of, Oh, I didn't realise Ed Sheeran was now a rave party, and that's sort of a very good um look at what good idea about how the um the concert weren't like at some points there was just that the bass was so loud, it was just hurting your chest, you could almost feel it in your heart, it was insane. But it was a good concert, and I sung my heart out to all his older songs, the ones that I know quite well. So, yeah, look, it was a good night, and it was a good night with the girls and my sister, but it was um, and the reason why I play that song is as we're walking out of the stadium. Um, Stand By Me came on, and literally everybody in the stadium as we were walking out was singing that song. I just thought, oh, what a beautiful song, and yes, I can play it on the guitar. I know I'm not a very good guitarist, but I give a bit of a crack. Um, but I don't know, I just think Stand By Me, like life is hard and life is difficult. And I know I continually say that nobody can fix you, but I think it's equally important that we have people walking with us and standing by us. So if you don't have somebody, try and find somebody, stop trying to push away the people who are in your corner, backing you, even when times are hard. And there will be people. I know for me, I would look at it and go, Oh, nobody is making an effort and blah blah blah blah blah. But when you look back in hindsight, when I was at my lowest, there were those people there that were quietly sending me the occasional message just to check in and stuff like that. And I have no doubt in my mind that there are people in your corner sending you those messages, and I want to encourage you to they're the type of people that you want to reach out and have a chat to, and because they've seen you at your worst and they are still there for you, so um find your person to stand by and let's look forward and move in that direction during this week. So I know a few people have actually asked me mod during the time I've been recording and how I record, like have I got notes and have I got a script and those type of things. So when I first started like the first few episodes, I can't remember say, let's say 10, six or ten episodes, I would have dot points and I would um go through the dot points about what I wanted to speak about and things like that. But as the podcast and myself have evolved and developed into a bit of a routine, I actually don't have any notes at all. I I get on and go, oh, I need to record an episode today, and then I really struggle sometimes picking the song of the week. Yes, I have a list of potential songs of the week, and also in that list are songs that I have already used in previous episodes so I don't double up. Um, but I don't have a script or anything, like I am just talking. Well, I'm actually just dribbling shit, and um I find it very, very cathartic, and I know how people have reached out to me that they are finding it helpful as well. So I appreciate your feedback. Um, I have a mate who doesn't like the song of the week, but I told him I was going to continue doing the song of the week because I I once I've picked the song of the week, I then sort of go, okay, how can I relate this back into my life and how can I put this into a perspective that may be able to help other people? And yes, I understand that not everybody likes music as much as I do, but I think it's just a nice way, a nice introduction to get into the episode and then move on from there. But the point of what I was saying that is that today I'm actually really struggling as to what I am going to talk about. Yes, I will be able to talk enough to get an episode out, but it may not be of anything important. So um let's have a look and see what I've done in the last week. So last week I was really busy. I um headed down to Sydney and I um we had a get together for the charity that I helped with, um just running the hubs, the local Connect hub for emergency. So we spent um the week catching up and brainstorming and stuff like that. And it was just nice to catch up with everybody and and spend time together. But yeah, it was a it was a big week, it was very, very tiring. And then followed that, like I finished Friday, followed that, and then drove to my sister's and then went to Edge Heron um Friday night, and then stayed at my sister's house Friday night, and then had to get up and drive to Bathurst because my son was playing um his first rep carnival for the season um in basketball. So um I watched the first game, drove home, did some stuff, had a power nap, drove back to Bathurst to watch his second game, and then drove home and passed out. I was just so so exhausted, and I feel like I just haven't been able to catch up on enough sleep. So I'm just feeling I'm not depressed or anything like that too much. I'm just a bit flattened, just have don't have a lot of energy. Like I didn't even have enough energy to go to pickleball last night, and my husband goes, Wow, like that's not normal for you. I just went, Yeah, I'm just I just want to stay at home and sit on the lounge and watch shit. So we ended up watching the kin's kings play, and then we watched MAFs. And MAFs is just trash. And people say to me, like, why do you watch that shit? Like I watch Below Deck and Hoarders and things like that. And there was a stage there I remember watching hoarders, and I was actually watching it whilst I was um an inpatient at hospital, and one of the nurses came in and said to me, like, why are you watching this? It's just crap. I went, Yeah, I know, but I look at it and go, I am not that fucked up. And she looks at me, she goes, hmm, we could make this your mindfulness. And so that's how I sort of look at all my trash TV, um, as my mindfulness. So it just helps me escape the world for a little while, and I don't have to think when watching it, but yeah, it's um actually quite nice. But I actually wanted to chat about um one of the activities that we did whilst um I was in Sydney, and we were split into two groups, and one of the groups had um bits of A4 paper with um physical diseases and ailments, and we had to rank them from the lowest, what we thought the lowest pain threshold, like the lowest pain from these illnesses to the highest pain, and then the other group had mental health, and we they had to um put them what they thought was the um lowest pain to the highest pain, and then we then we got together and then we had to put where we thought the mental health illness corresponds with the physical illness as well, and it was just very, very enlightening to see how these things corresponded with one another. So I'll just it's it's gonna be a little bit difficult to be able for me to be able to articulate it because it was done on pictures, but I will give it a good hard crack. So um my photo's playing up. So the the illnesses and ailments we had was lower back pain, epilepsy, severe asthma, severe vision loss, severe chronic bronchitis or emphysema, decimated breast cancer, which I learned is where the breast cancer has metastasized and gone throughout the body, and you've been given a five-year life expectancy. And the last one was severe dementia. And they the mental health illnesses we had was mild depression, moderate depression, severe PTSD, severe depression, and severe schizophrenia. So, what I found very interesting is that I would consider my PTSD to be severe and my depression to be severe. And on the pain scale that this research used was that they had severe PTSD as the same pain as severe chronic bronchitis or emphysema, and severe depression as the same pain rating as the decimated breast cancer. So to be able to get a visual representation and an idea of where our pain sits comparatively to a physical illness or disease, it was just mind-blowing to go, bloody hell, like PTSD and like severe depression is really up there in terms of the pain scale. And um, so it it was sort of graded from the least disabling to the most disabling, and so I think that's probably I think I might have used the wrong wording in terms of pain, but when you look at the disability weight, so severe depression has a disability weight of 0.65 to 0.80, which is in line with the breast cancer, which I think is just insane. Like, and I know I've spoken about it in previous episodes that for me, and I know a lot of other people are like this as well, would much prefer a physical injury because people can understand that better. It like if you've got your arm in a sling, or for me, my ankle in a moon boot, which I have had a fair bit of late, it's uh people people can understand that. Oh shit, you've done your ankle again, that must suck. Um, is there anything I can do? But people because people can't see a psychological injury, they don't understand the consequences and what comes out of a psychological injury, and it is debilitating. Like looking back at my journey in the last four years, well, it's actually five years, actually. Well, yesterday, February the 16th, um, was my anniversary for when my head broke, and I actually went through that day without giving it much thought, which was really good, I guess. Um, so yes, it's been five years since my head broke, and it sounds like a long time, but it doesn't feel like a long time, um, if that makes sense. That's probably hard to get the words out for that, but it's it's been a journey, and I know that during my time looking back, I would have much preferred to have a physical injury opposed to a psychological injury because it's just easier for people to understand. It's like if I've got my service dog with me, like I've been asked, Oh, are you training her? And then I have to turn around and say, No, she's actually mine. Like my PTSD and depression is so debilitating that I can't do these trivial things without the assistance of whether or not it's a dog or a family member and things like that. So yeah, just just be kind on yourself because those going through a mental illness, um, it's hard bloody work. And as much as there is a greater awareness and understanding around mental illnesses across the world and locally as well, and particularly on social media and stuff like that, it's it's still something that people don't understand, and people um are almost too scared to be asking the questions. And um, yeah, it's just something to be mindful of moving forward that we would all much prefer to have a physical injury than a psychological injury. So, what else have I been up to? Um not a lot, like this week was was a lot, it was very, very busy and full on. Um, it was really nice to catch up with my sister, um, as it is, and spend the night with the girls. It's so funny. So, as you know, I love Taylor Swift, and she just brought out a new film clip for her Opalite song, which I have played, I think maybe last year in one of my um episodes. But the the film clip is classically 80s, like if you can jump on and have a look, have a watch of it. But so I ended up, I watched this and went, oh yeah, bring back the 80s, love it, blah blah blah. So I ended up going into Kmart. I had to get some little tote bags and I got K-marted and walked out spending far more than I had anticipated going in because I think the bags I wanted to buy was$4. And I also wanted to get some um little preserving jars because I've got so many tomatoes at the moment. I'm just making a bucket ton of um tomato relish, but I just don't have enough of the jars to do it. So I um went in there and then I thought, oh let's just have a look through the clothes, and you'll never guess what I found a pair of overalls, full length and shorts as well. So, yes, I bought a pair of overalls. So, and when you watch this um film clip, um you'll see like Taylor's wearing a pair of overalls, so I'm going, yeah, let's do this. So I wore these overalls to the Ed Shearing concert and went lining up for the security to get his magic wand and um make sure we don't have anything prohibited. Anyway, um he's he's scanning me and he goes, hmm, overalls, haven't seen those for a long time. And I just laugh, going, Oh my gosh, this is so funny. I um before I went away, I um quickly saw my husband and I was waiting for my meds at the chemist before I left. And he walked in and he looked me up and down. He goes, hmm, overalls, that's odd. I've got, what's wrong with my overalls? He goes, No, no, nothing's wrong with them. I've just never seen you wear them before. Like, I don't give a shit what people think anymore. Like, I'm sort of at the point where it's like, ah, whatever makes me happy, I'm gonna do it. So bring back the overalls, I say. Um, but yeah, that's sort of been my week in a nutshell. It's been a big week. I will actually want to talk about um the rep basketball as well. So I always found when I was particularly bad in my mental health that these rep carnivals were very anxiety-provoking. Like it's it's high-intense games, like these boys, and even when the girls were playing as well, like they're there to win, and the parents get involved, and the coaches get vocal, and it's just not a position where you want to take yourself if your suds are sitting and are already a seven or an eight. Um, but my suds have been sitting quite low, and I felt really good going in. So, this last game on Sunday, it started off being really tight, and unfortunately, our boys um the other team got a fairly decent lead on them, but just everybody's emotions on the bench was low, and it was getting more and more intense, and then as the intensity increased, my anxiety increased. I'm going, like, oh, this is intense, but I'm happy to say that I didn't throat punch anybody, I didn't have to walk out, I didn't have to remove myself from the situation because my subs got too high, so I was able to control and and keep a hold on my anxiety even during that intense period as well, which was really nice as well. So, yeah, it it's quite humbling to be able to look back as to where I was and see where I am now, and that's it's makes me proud because I have done all the work, and I actually saw my GP um last week as well, just to get some meds and scripts and stuff like that. But um, she selfishly has been on maternity leave. This is the third one since my head's gone off, since my head broke. But um I don't know how it came up, but we were talking about like how far I've come, and she literally said she goes, Mel, you have done the work for this. Like you're the person who should be most proud because you are only here because you've done the work. And for for somebody, like she didn't have to say that. Um, but it was just nice and it made made me feel good about myself because yes, I have done the work and I've worked bloody hard at getting to where I am now. And yes, there are going to be times where I'm going to have a little slip, and I know that this PTSD, the anxiety, the depression is something that I'm going to have to live with the rest of my life, but I know wholeheartedly that I can get through even the toughest times because I've been there, and I can guarantee that you as well. Yes, I am talking to you, can get through the hard times because there is light at the end of the tunnel. And with that, let's go into the thought of the week. And this season I'm going to continue opening the book randomly from the mole. Oh, sorry, from the bowl far out. Well, it's sometimes my words struggle and I am struggling today. I apologize. It's from the book called The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and the Horse by Charlie Maxie. And we are opening it up, and it is. Sometimes I feel lost, said the boy. Me too, said the mole. But we love you and love brings you home. Isn't that just so sweet? I'm actually going to take a photo of it and I'll pop it up on my socials, and I know I haven't done that in previous weeks, but the illustrations in this book is just are they they're beautiful. So have a good week. Um, I'm not sure what my intention is to record for next week. I'm hoping to get the interview done with my brother and also my mum and dad. So the my next couple of weeks may be interviews. It may not, but we'll see what happens. All right, have a very good week and please be kind to yourself. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for tuning in to Mad Mail's Mike. I'm Melissa. Smith and I hope you've enjoyed listening. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram and don't forget to like and follow. Have a great week and don't forget to be kind to yourself.