Brighter Days Still Count

Season 2, Episode 4

We break a two-week silence with a real check-in on PTSD, sleep, and why progress shows up as longer stretches between low days. From pickleball highs to a Bali trip without meds and a surprising psychedelic light session, we map tools that kept us steady.

• owning the social media gap and why showing up matters
• using “brighter days” as a practical frame for recovery
• tracking intervals between bad days as progress
• travel stress, lost sleep, and anxiety triggers
• pickleball wins, fatigue costs, and body signals
• Bali nightlife, unexpected joy, and dancing anyway
• psychedelic light and sound healing takeaways
• sleep hygiene, medicinal cannabis, and consistency
• managing high SUDS in sport with breath and awareness
• resisting catastrophising and choosing self-kindness
• redefining success as love, especially self-love

You can find me on Facebook and Instagram, and don’t forget to like and follow

 Song of the week:

Brighter Days - Blessing Offors

https://youtu.be/I6lp1Oxb9L4?si=epzcou0gNKAm5Tph

Thought of the Week:

The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse - Charlie Mackesy

"What do you think success is? asked the boy. To love said the mole"

Transcript

Welcome And Context

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey there, welcome to Mad Male's Mike. Thanks for joining me.

Why I Went Quiet

Song Of The Week: Brighter Days

SPEAKER_02 0:03

My name is Melissa and this is a podcast all about me. About my life. About my life with PTSD. About my life with the husband and kids and friends and everything in between. Thanks for tuning in. Hey everybody, and welcome to episode four, season two of Mad Mel's Mike. Thanks for joining me today. Um, it's been an interesting couple of weeks, so let's get this show started. So, welcome again to episode four. I'm just going to start and apologize to everybody because I've sort of just disappeared from the world for the last sort of two weeks, and that's not something that I went into 2026 with planning. I um did say to everybody that I would be more present on my socials, and there has been nothing, and I also haven't recorded for the last two weeks, so I do apologize, and I will try harder to be present on my social media, and and I know it's for my own benefit because when I put stuff up on TikTok or Instagram or whatever platform it is, my um ratings and downloads for this podcast actually um increase dramatically, so it's um something that I need to do for the podcast and for myself if I want to get this out there to more people. So it's just been a whirlwind over two weeks, and there's a lot of things that have gone on, but there's also a lot of things that I can't actually talk about on this platform. So I've been trying to navigate lots of different things that have gone on recently, and that's been hard because I've used this platform as my way to debrief to debrief. And I know people are going, oh my gosh, that's what a psychologist is for. And I understand that that is what a psychologist is for, but for me, doing this podcast is very cathartic, and I find it very, very helpful with my own mental health as well. So not being able to articulate exactly what's gone on has been very difficult. So instead of speaking about what goes on, let's have a chat about what my mental health and as a result physical um symptoms have involved. But before we get into that, let's start with the song of the week, which is Brighter Days by Blessing Offer. So have a listen.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

I know there's gonna be some brighter beings. I swear that love will find you in your pain. I feel it in me like the beating of life in my veins. I know there's gonna be some brighter days.

Redefining Progress With Bad Days

Life Updates And Travel Stress

Pickleball Highs And Lessons

Bali Trip Without Medication

Club Night Turned Dance Floor

Sleep, Oils, And Mental Health

Psychedelic Light Healing Experience

Coming Home Tired And Anxious

Managing High SUDS On The Court

Catastrophising And Finding Ground

Thought Of The Week And Closing

SPEAKER_02 2:59

So that was just a short snippet of Brighter Days by Blessing Offer. And I think it's a just a lovely song because uh in my mental health journey, I think people can relate and understand that we don't we get skeptical of having a good day because it always changes and tomorrow could be completely different as well. So, what I think it's important to remember is that yes, although I am doing relatively okay with my mental health journey, it doesn't mean that I'm not going to have low days and I'm not going to have days where I'm sad and flat and things like that. I think it's important to remember that the longer duration we have in between those lower moments is an indication of how far we are moving forward with our mental health journey. So if I've got, say, a week of bad days followed by a week of good days and then another week of bad days, if we can push and work on extending our good days, so instead of having, so then looking at trying to get one week or a couple of days of bad days and then two weeks of good days, and if we can extend our good days, we're then minimizing the amount of bad days we are having. But I think it's so imperative, particularly for myself, to understand that yes, I'm still going to have good bad days, I apologize. Um, and it's okay, and just because you're having one bad day doesn't necessarily mean that it's catastrophic and I'm going to end up back in the psych ward for treatment. So it's it's been a whirlwind. So um I'm not even sure the last thing I was up to. Um it's we um so I was in Sydney for a bit of a catch-up with the charity Emerge NC, and then after that, um, the girls and I went and saw um Ed Shear and I think I might have already spoken about this actually, but then that weekend Cliffo had um rep basketball, so there's a bit of travel involved in that, and it's it's I enjoy watching him play. I don't enjoy having to leave the house because most of the time it is it's a long day and they're very tiring, and I'm not even playing but just watching, so um that also has an effect on my body as well because the more tired I become, the crankier I become, the more my anxiety flares up. Um, and then um had a normal week, that was fine. I can't remember why I didn't record, and then Mel and I went and played in an interclub pickleball tournament, and I tell you what, that was a great day. My body was so so sore. Um Mel and I ended up playing six games and got no, it was six, five, five games, I think. Anyway, we went into the final undefeated, and then we choked. Well, we didn't choke, I just think the team we're playing against were a better team on the day, and we ended up coming away with silver, which we were pretty pumped with. Like that was our first sort of tournament style that we had played together, and it was it was really, really fun. It was a good learning curve, it was good to understand how the tournament actually works, and for future tournaments that may be bigger that we attend, we have that understanding walking into it as well. I also played in a mixed doubles team, and I think we played six games, and we ended up taking out the gold medal for that, so we were dyes. Um, Mel and I wore matching outfits, and even if I do say so myself, we looked pretty cute. Um, so that was on the Saturday, and then Friday, so I mean Sunday comes after Saturday. Then on the Sunday, I went to Sydney and caught up with my sister and my mum and dad and had lunch with them, and then spent the night up near Mascot because some mates and I were flying to Bali the next day. And if you're keeping track of what medication I'm on, which you probably aren't, which I completely understand, I basically the only thing I'm on at the moment is my medicinal marijuana, and those who know Bali know that you can't take marijuana into the country. So on the first night in the city, we our flight was leaving at 6 30am, so we had to be there I know by four-ish, um, which already set my head in a spin. Like I would have liked to have been there at 3.30. I'm the type of person that follows um airport travel rules to a T. So not being at the airport three hours before an international flight was sort of messing with me, but I didn't get to win that argument, which is fine. Um, but because I didn't bring any of my oils with me because I was so scared that I was going to turn into the next Chappelle Corby once I got to Bali, I didn't have my meds, and it's amazing to look retrospectively, not at the time, at how well that medication works for me and my sleep. So had to get up at about I don't know, 3:30-ish, couldn't sleep. So tossing and turning all night and just couldn't sleep, and then by one o'clock in the morning, I've sort of gone, oh fuck it, I've got to get up in two hours' time anyway. So I end up just making the uh house of coffees in the um in the hotel room and watching trash TV on nine life. So I was watching all the Renault shows and stuff like that. So that's what I did from about 1 am till 3:30 until I had to get up and get dressed. Um, so I was wrecked by the time we got to the airport, got a proper coffee, which was lovely, and then um wait for the flight. So I flew over to Bali, spent five nights there, and I had never been to Bali before. And look, I'm glad I went. Is it somewhere that I would go back again? I don't think so. What I found where we were staying is yes, there's a lot of massage places and stuff like that, and I probably should have tapped into that a little bit more. I did end up having one massage and a hair wash, um, but yeah, it just didn't happen for lots of different reasons. Um, but then we get there, and because where we were staying is quite um a drinking and club culture, and as you know, I don't drink, so that was very interesting. So we were um staying at one of our mates' villa who rents it out over in Bali, and we um get there and I thought I'm just gonna have a little lay down for an hour because I was wrecked, and we were going out for dinner at this um Mexican restaurant slash nightclub slash I don't know what you call it, um, place. And I wasn't particularly excited about it, but we're um so I decided to have a quick nap in between because I hadn't slept, didn't sleep on the plane at all. Um so I was exhausted and I knew that we were going out, so I wanted to have just a little power nap just to catch up. But when I say power nap, I'm my power naps are at least an hour long, if not two hours. So um, not quite your typical power nap, but I um so I'm laying in bed and there was a toilet upstairs as well, and then I must have been in this deeper sleep, and I could hear this banging and this banging, and I finally come out going, This is actually not a dream, this is happening in real life, and I could hear this banging. And one of the girls had gotten stuck in the toilet, and we later learnt that she had been in there for 20 minutes because she didn't have um international roaming on her phone, and the Wi-Fi didn't reach that bathroom, so she was stuck in there, and she was very conscious about not wanting to wake me, which is why it was so long. So I ended up only having about a 15-20-minute power nap, and so yes, probably the more ideal of a power nap. So, but we ended up going to this joint called Mexicola, and I was hating it. Um and like I'm being really, really honest, like I'm the type of person who wants to go out for dinner and have a chat and not have to scream and be able to hear the other person that I'm talking to, and Mexicola was nothing like that. And then Mexicola started playing songs that I really like, and we all know how much I like music. So I started singing away at the table, bopping away and singing every line to the songs that were coming on because the way it was going, every song that was played, I knew the lyrics for it word for word. Um, which probably won't surprise those who know me well. I'm pretty good at learning song lyrics. Um so I'm bopping away, and some random drunk chick comes up, she goes, Come on and come and dance with me. Because it was like a little dance floor type thing. I'm going, no, no, no, I don't want to dance, I don't want to dance. Anyway, neck minute, Mel's up on the bloody table, first one up on the table, doing the nut bush, and I just did not stop dancing for probably about two hours and I was exhausted. I don't know if I was just running off adrenaline, there was lack of sleep, it was everything, but yeah, it was it was it was a fun night. Ended up being a really, really fun night. So got back, still didn't sleep very well. So I don't think I slept sort of by 2 or 3 a.m. Um, so yeah, it was interesting seeing how much not having my medication affected my sleep. And I can tell you now, since I've been home, I have been taking my oils again and I have been sleeping so much better. And sleep is so important for our day-to-day lives and so important for our mental health, and that's why there's so much emphasis put on our sleep hygiene as well, because sleep is imperative to being able to function, and for those that have suffered from insomnia and things like that, you will certainly be able to understand. So the next day in Bali, we went to this place, it's sort of like a wellness retreat type. They had accommodation there and a restaurant, and bear in mind we were there for wet season, so it was pretty rainy and miserable while we're there. But um, one of the ladies who came with us had organized us to do a psychedelic light healing, and I'm going, Oh, here we go. Like one of the girls goes, I don't want to do it, I don't want to take any psychedelic drugs or anything like that. Um, but there was no drug taking involved, and it was literally probably one of the best experiences I have ever done. So it was sort of a it was a essentially a light and sound healing day. So it was called the Dream Dome, Dream Dome, and this place was insane, it was like this beautiful dome, and inside it was beautifully lit, it smelt lovely, the temperature was just right. And on the website it says this a psychedelic light and sound journey looking for a boost, a creative reset, or a way to release stuck energy. Begin with a welcome drink and the creation of a personal affirmation bracelet to set your intention. I'm just gonna add here, I didn't none of us knew what we were getting ourselves into when we um decided to do this. And as soon as I heard, oh, we're gonna be making bracelets, couldn't think of anything worse. But can I just say I am so proud of the bracelet I made? I wear it on my right arm all the time, except when I'm playing basketball or showering. Um, so then it goes into then step into the dream dome of Udara, a sacred place, a sacred space designed with sacred geometry for transformative journey combining live sound healing and stroboscopic light of the dream machine. With closed eyes, the flickering light reveals vivid colours and patterns, guiding you into deep meditative states through brainwave entertainment. This powerful experience ends with a restful integration phase, leaving you renewed, balanced, and inspired. And you know what? If I had read that before I went, I probably still wouldn't have been excited for it. But I can tell you what, it was the most incredible experience that I have ever been to before. So I will pop some photos up on the um on my socials once this episode comes out, and I'll also put on there because you can actually get these lights, or you can actually get an app on your phone that where you can just see, sort of lay down on your side on your bed and have the light in front of you, and you can still experience it. So essentially, all our heads were in a circle very, very close together. So I was glad nobody there had headlights, um, and these lights above us, and you literally just shut your eyes, and at with the flickering of the light, that would sort of um get you into that state. But then at the same time, the um gentleman who was running it was also making sounds with all the really cool instruments and and like even just like palm, like a um ruffling of paper and things like that. There was such like obscure different types of music and sounds that were coming out of it, but it worked really, really well. Um, so that was probably one of the highlights of my trips there. So, look, once I got back, I still hadn't been sleeping very well, so it took a while for me to I know I know you can't actually catch up from sleep, but I'm gonna say it anyway. It took me a while to catch up on sleep, and to be perfectly honest, I'm still probably not a hundred percent where I should be. I am really struggling to still get out of bed, but I am still getting out of bed and I'm still putting one foot in front of the other. And when I got home, I was obviously very exhausted, and I played basketball on the Monday night playing a team with the girls, and my other half coaches us as well, and I was just exhausted, and my suds were probably sitting at a seven or an eight, and for me, my suds haven't been that high in a significant time. Like, I'm generally sitting three, two, maybe pushing a four. Um, so to have my emotions that high was concerning and worrying for me. But I said to my other half, I said, Look, just letting you know, like I'm sitting pretty high. He goes, Okay. Um, so he was aware of it as well, and I think it's important when you're having moments like that to make the people aware, like make the people around you aware so they can know what needs to be done when your suds are sitting that high. Um, look, I did go on and play, I obviously didn't play my best, but there were moments there where I could feel my suds raising even higher, but I was able to maintain it like whether by subconsciously doing a little bit of breath work, and I probably was because I was doing physical activity as well, so my breathing had obviously increased. But once I would come off the court and sit on the bench, I would um try and slow my breathing down as well. So I think that all accumulated and helped in being able to maintain my high sud levels without it going any higher and then turning into a shit fight, which has done on numerous um basketball occasions. So I think I need to take pride in the fact that yes, my suds were high, but I didn't react to them and I was able to maintain those things and maintain my my awareness of where I was sitting at that time and be able to do something not positive but be able to do something positive as a result of not um reacting when my suds were that high. Um, and then the next couple of days I sort of fell into a bit of a funk, like I was very low. And for those who have got PTSD, you all know that we are very, very good at catastrophizing things. So in my head, it was like shit, you're going back to hospital, that's it. You can need help, you can't do this by yourself, um, you can't do anything by yourself. So those sort of negative self-talks started to come in as well, and it's very, very hard because I didn't I don't want to go back to hospital, but I also know that if I need to go back to hospital, I will go back to hospital. So it was sort of that conundrum, like going, yes, I'm getting to the point where I may need to go back to hospital, but I don't want to, I want to be stubborn. Um so yeah, but look, over the time over the days, like I didn't ever want to play pickleball. And for me, and for those that know me, like that's a huge thing. Like before I went to Bali and before like the massive couple of weeks that I've had, like I was playing pickleball three or four times a week and loving it, like um, so yeah, I I don't know how I picked myself out of it, but I think I realized that you know what it's okay to have a couple of bad days, but we have to try and get out of our head and not catastrophise what life's gonna happen in the next day because everything changes, and like the song of the week is that there will be some brighter days, and it may not be today, and it may not be tomorrow, but those brighter days are coming. And if you have one bright day tomorrow, you might have a shit day the following day, but just know that there is another brighter day coming. So, with that, I'm going to open our favourite book of this season and read The Thought of the Week. So, in all the other weeks, I have randomly opened it up to a page and it says, What do you think success is? asked the boy. To love, said the mole. And isn't that so important? It's important to love others, but I think it's more important to love ourselves. So, with that, I'm going to wish you all a very good week and please be very kind to yourself. Thanks for listening.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

Thanks for tuning in to Mad Mail's Mike. I'm Melissa Smith, and I hope you've enjoyed listening. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram, and don't forget to like and follow. Have a great week and don't forget to be kind to yourself.