If Words Can Shape A Life What Are Yours Building

Season 2, Episode 9

We talk about the parts of my PTSD recovery I rarely say out loud, including how faith helps me keep moving when life feels too heavy. I also share a moment with Rory that reframes body image and self-worth, plus a story that proves how words can shape what we believe about ourselves. 
• thanking my brother and reflecting on why family chats feel cathartic 
• faith as a private but steady support in PTSD recovery 
• the song God I Tried But I Fell Again and what getting back up really means 
• Rory’s photo comment and why weight does not equal worth 
• losing weight, losing muscle, and starting strength work again 
• why words have power and how self-talk can become your truth 
• a daily affirmation challenge: I am enough and I am worthy 
• thought of the week on gratitude and perspective from The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse 
You can find me on Facebook and Instagram, and don't forget to like and follow. 

Song of the Week:

God I Tried But Fell Again - Chris Stapleton & Lauren Daigle

https://youtu.be/rJvNxJOYVj8?si=UBN97dUMmmFHQcUm

Thought of the Week:

The Boy The Mole The Fox and The Horse - Charlie Mackesy

"Is your glass half empty or half full? Asked the mole. I think I'm grateful to have a glass said the boy"

Transcript

Welcome And Recent Reflections

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey there, welcome to Mad Mel's Mike. Thanks for joining me. My name is Melissa and this is the podcast all about me. About my life. About my life with PTSD. About my life with the husband and kids and friends and everything in between. Thanks for tuning in. Hey everybody and welcome to Mad Mel's Mic. It's season two episode nine. Thanks for joining me. I just wanted to say a huge thank you to my brother for jumping on and having a chat for last week's episode. I've had some really good feedback and it was good. I think it's um always cathartic for everybody involved when we get to sit down and discuss things that normally we wouldn't. So thanks again, Matthew. Um let's get this episode started. Welcome again to everybody to episode 9. This I know I think I say it every week, but it's this year's flying, like we've already had Easter, it's just insane. Um I've had a good week. Um, it was really actually very helpful and like I said, cathartic to have a chat with my brother and um talk about everything that he was feeling when I was first diagnosed and everything up until now. And I think it's been very helpful for everybody that I've interviewed, particularly mum and dad, and the kids, and my sister and my brother, so it's quite nice. So the family's all been interviewed. Um so now my intentions is to try and get other people involved in the episode as well. I wanted to touch on this week um a little bit about my faith, and it's not something that I've ever spoken about before, but it's been brought up by mum and dad, my sister and my brother, and I think it's very evident that I grew up in a Christian home, and faith has been a big um part of our lives growing up. So I just wanted to touch on that a little bit quickly here. It's funny when I talk about faith, and I don't know, there's always a bit of a shame and stigma behind religion, and I think religion these days has morphed and changed and evolved over the time as well. So um, I'm just gonna do the song of the week, which is God I tried but I fell again. Let's have a listen. So that was God I tried but fell again, and it's quite funny because every time I look for it on Apple Music or Spotify, I can't seem to find it, but it is on YouTube and it's by Chris Stapleton and Lauren Daigle. Um I really like that song. It's for me it's about it falling up, falling, falling up, bloody hell, falling down, but getting up again and knowing that life is bloody hard, and we'll put on this earth not to feel and get through it unscathed, but to be able to feel what was done for us. And look, for me, faith has been a massive point in my journey for my PTSD recovery, and I know um religion and faith isn't for everybody, but I think for me I needed to touch on it because it's not something that I've spoken about ever in any of my podcasts, but it has been something that's been able to help me get up in the morning and know that I'm not going to be dealt anything more than I can handle, and I know that there's been points in my journey where I've said that I can't take any more, but look, here I am today as living proof that I was strong enough to handle everything that I was dealt, and by putting one foot in front of the other and being able to see the light has been very, very incredible and it's been a very big journey. And like I said, um, my faith is not something that I speak about often. Um yes, it probably is something that I should do more often, but um I've never been that type of person to push faith or anything down anybody's throat, so um, yeah, it's just a part of me and a part of what I believe. Um but I got up yesterday morning and it was quite funny because Rory goes, Oh mum, you'll never believe this photo I just saw. And I went, Okay, show me anyway. So she shows me this photo, and it was probably two years ago, and it was a photo of me in my pajamas on my bed, and I was quite big. And Rory goes, I never realized your size when you were then. She goes, I only notice it now because you've lost so much weight. Um, she goes, To me, you were always just mum, and I think that was such a beautiful thing for her to say, and I don't think she realized the power of what she actually said, but when I was at my biggest, and I was actually talking about it at book club the other night, that I felt worthless and I felt unloved, and I felt that how could anybody love me because I was the size that I was, and I think Rory saying that to me yesterday is just so indicative that our weight, whether you're really, really skinny or a little bit chubby, or a little bit overweight, or a significant amount overweight, that your weight on those scales does not signify who you are, and does not at all mean you are less of a person because of the weight you are, your worth comes from who you are on the inside, and I think that's so important to remember. And I know I have spoken about it in previous episodes, but um, it was just really nice and um empowering for Rory to make such a comment because even when I wasn't my biggest, I was still just mum, and I was still just Melissa, and yeah, it was just quite humbling to hear that. So thank you, Rory. I doubt you'll listen to this, but yeah, that meant a lot to me because when I was doing particularly bad in my mental health, but then you throw on a whole heap of weight gain as well, you lose that your your self-worth, and I think it's important to remember that your self-worth isn't obtained from a number on the scales, so yes, I am talking about weight because I have lost a fair amount of weight, I have also lost a fair bit of muscle, and I went to and did a yoga Pilates class at the gym yesterday with one of my mates, and I tell you what, it was the funniest thing. Well, not funny, but every time we were doing these ab workout type things, and every every time we had to sit up like my abs were just burning, and it was sort of like a Russian twist type thing. And my mate and I, every time we twisted, we looked at one another and we just mouthed the word fuck at each other because we were in so much pain. Um, but I've got a little bit of um DOMS this morning, but it's nice to have that feeling because I haven't done anything much in terms of physical activities, and I think strength work is something that I really need to work hard on, but it was nice to get out there and go somewhere new, and we'll be back again tomorrow to um do another class, so yeah, it was fun. So, watch this space. Um, Melissa's gonna turn into a gym junkie. So, I know in previous episodes I've spoken about how words have power, and I think it's so important to talk about how words have power, and we may just say little um little comments along the way that don't necessarily mean much in the process, but the more you say, the more it can add up. So I wanted to read you this story um that a mate sent me, and I think it's very, very good sort of analogy of about how words have power, and I'm just going to apologize before I start because it is a name I can't pronounce, so I'm actually gonna change the name to Sarah because I don't think I know any Sarah's. So here's the story. Long ago, on the wild on the wide plains where the wind bent the tall grasses and the sky seemed to stretch forever, there lived a girl named Sarah, Iron Star. It was a strong name given by her grandmother, who believed the girl would shine with truth and guide her people. But Sarah had a gift that grew crooked. As a child, she discovered that words could change how people saw the world. When she broke a clay pot, she said the wind had done it. When she forgot to fetch water, she claimed the river had turned to mud. At first her lies were small, like pebbles tossed into a stream. People laughed, forgave, and moved on. But as she grew, so did her stories. She learned to watch people closely, their fears, their hopes, and she shaped her words to fit them. When hunters returned empty-handed, she told them she had dreamed of game moving to the southern to the northern hills. When elders worried about harsh winters, she claimed the spirits had promised mild snow, and when people doubted, she spoke with such calm certainty that doubt melted away. They began to listen. In time, the villagers faced hardship. The old chief grew weak, and no clear successor had risen. Arguments spread like fire. Who should lead? Who could be trusted? It was then that Sarah stepped forward. I have walked in dreams, she said. The spirits have shown me the path. They say I must lead, but our people or our people will be lost. Some questioned her, but many remembered her past visions, how often they seemed to come true, or at least brought comfort. And in certain times, comfort can feel like truth. So they chose her. As chief, Sarah spoke with authority. She settled disputes with stories that favored peace, predicted outcomes she quietly guided behind the scenes, and kept her people united, not through truth, but through belief. Years passed and the tribe prospered in many ways, yet something unseen began to fray. Hunters stopped trusting their instincts. Elders stopped sharing wisdom that contradicted her words. The people listened only to her voice, and slowly they forgot how to listen to anything else. One night a young girl came to her. But you said it will not, which is true. Sarah opened her mouth to answer, but for the first time no story came. She realized that she realized then that she no longer knew the difference herself. The river spring, that spring, the river did flood. The waters rose fast, sweeping away lodges and stores of food. The people survived, but they suffered, and in their suffering they began to question. They did not cast her out. Instead, they gathered in silence and waited. At last Sarah stood before them. I have led you with stories, she said, her voice no longer steady. Some helped us, some harmed us, but I see now without truth even strong words become empty. From that day she was no longer called Iron Star. The they gave her a new name, Star Without Light. And though she remained among them, she never again led with lies. Instead, she listened to the wind, the river, the elders, and the quiet truth she had once buried. The people remembered her story and they taught their children. Words can shape the world, but only truth can hold it together. And I just think it's such a powerful little story about how our words, whether or not we tell them to other people, but more importantly, the words that we tell ourselves often, if we tell these words often enough that you are worthless and you're going to amount to nothing, and your PD PTSD has taken everything from you and you are never going to get that back, you're going to start believing it. So I think we need to retrain our thoughts and say, even if it's just once a morning when I wake up, I am enough. And don't get me wrong, like this is not a quick fix, but and saying these words daily isn't going to necessarily change your diagnosis. It's not going to do that, it's not going to have an effect on different medications that you're going to be on and things like that. But I think if we can start slow and have those daily affirmations of saying, you are enough, you are worthy, then those negative self-talks might diminish slowly and surely over time. And it's not something that's going to happen overnight. Um, so but every morning I want to challenge you to get up and say, I am enough, I am worthy, and see if it makes any difference for your day-to-day basis. Um, before we wrap up, let's have a um look at the thought of the week. Okay, so every week we do the thought of the week, and for my guests, I get them to have their own thought of the week. And I know mum and dad, you they obviously haven't listened to many episodes of my podcast. Shame on them. Um, but they also read from this book. So this book that I'm reading from, from our thought of the week, is called The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse, and it's by Charlie Maccasey. And I know I get that name wrong every week, but um, one of the beautiful nurses from the hospital gave me this book the very first time I was in there, and it's just such a beautiful book, it's beautifully illustrated, and you can just open it up randomly and see what you get. Alright, so this week's is the problem is because I just keep opening them randomly. Um, it's um I always get worried that I'm going to repeat it. So if I do repeat it, I apologize. But if I also do repeat it, well then it's something that people need to hear. And this one, this week's one is is your glass half empty or half full? asked the mole. I think I'm grateful to have a glass, said the boy. And isn't that so amazing? Like how different perspectives look at things differently. And yes, you may be looking at life as your glass being half empty or half full, but I think we need to appreciate the little things we have in life. Yes, we've got a glass. So as we move forward with this week, I just want you to um look at those daily affirmations, whether you get an affirmation app and just have that on your phone every day, or just look in the mirror, or lay in bed and say, I am enough, I am worthy. Um, I hope you have a very, very good week. Thanks for tuning in and please be kind to yourself. Thanks for tuning in to Mad Mail's Mike. I'm Melissa Smith, and I hope you've enjoyed listening. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram, and don't forget to like and follow. Have a great week and don't forget to be kind to yourself.