Riding Through Fear

Season 2 Episode 10:

We catch up on what’s been happening in my life with PTSD and why “I’m good” can be the easiest answer even when it’s not true. I share how the Never Late Female Posty Ride pushed me straight through fear and still ended with pride, friendship, and big funds raised for Wings For Kids. 
• Song of the week and why it hits 
• Why we default to “I’m good” and what it costs 
• Using a simple number scale to communicate feelings 
• Choosing who to open up to and when 
• What Wings For Kids does for regional families 
• Riding back roads on postie bikes and the realities of dirt 
• Watching fear spike after last year’s crash and working through it 
• Finishing the ride plus water crossings pink night and gala night 
• Raising over $400,000 this year and why volunteer charities matter 
You can find me on Facebook and Instagram and don't forget to like and follow. 

Song of the Week

Kingdom of Fear - Cameron Whitcomb

https://youtu.be/YZ2WXl3VXLU?si=Uz3zZb-o7Ic3gWXL

Thought of the Week:

The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse - Charlie Mackesy

"Well Hello, Do you have a favourite saying? asked the boy. Yes, said the mole. What is it? If at first you don't succeed have some cake. I see, does it work? Everytime"

Transcript

Welcome Back And Quick Apology

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey there, welcome to Mad Mel's Mike. Thanks for joining me. My name is Melissa and this is the podcast all about me. About my life. About my life with PTSD. About my life with the husband and kids and friends and everything in between. Thanks for tuning in. Hey everybody and welcome to Mad Mel's Mike season 2 episode 10. I just want to take a moment and apologise that I didn't record last week. I had an episode planned to record with a mate, and life got in the way, and we didn't do it, and then I had the posty ride, so yeah, I apologize, but let's get this episode started. So, welcome again to Mad Mill's Mic. I really appreciate everybody tuning in and having a listen, and even just people taking the time to flick me a message, or when I see them bring up the podcast, and it's really humbling. So, thank you so much for all of that. Um, what have I been up to? It's probably been three, two, no, two weeks since I recorded last, and I know it's been on my socials that I did the Never Late female posty ride again this year, and I can say that I stayed upright. So that's very good. But I will get into that in a little bit. But let's start with the song of the week, which is Kingdom of Fear by Cameron Whitcomb. So let's have a listen. First of all, we live in a society where we just ask people, How are you? and our automatic response, I'm doing good. Yep, yep, yep. Um, and I think when you throw in a couple of mental health issues and stuff like that, it is just so much easier just to say, Yeah, I'm good, because we are of the opinion that other people don't want to know or care about our feelings and where we are on that day because we're already feeling quite worthless and we feel like we aren't enough, so we don't want to add that extra pressure and burden on other people to actually be honest in our communication and say, you know what, I'm having a really bad day, I'm really, really sad. Um, whatever the case might be, whatever emotions you're feeling, and I think it's easier just to put on that brave face and smile and things like that, and I can tell you that I have been in that situation, and even with my husband, I he would go, Are you okay? Yep, yep, I'm all good. But the longer I have gone along this mental health journey, the more I have been able to be honest in those answers when I am asked, How are you? and I've been able to articulate more because I think it makes it easier on our loved ones to know exactly where we're staying, and that all started just using the sud-scales back from when I was in hospital, and it would start off with just saying a number, and then it sort of evolved as I was able to articulate more to explain how I am feeling at that time, but I think it's very, very important that we start using our words and articulating how we are feeling because I think it's so important for everybody around us to hear it. And don't get me wrong, like if you're in the shop and some person that you may know and maybe an acquaintance and things like that, you don't have to pour your heart out to them. Like, I think we need to pick who we are opening up to and things like that. So, yeah, it's um it was a really good song. I like it. I actually don't think I've listened to the whole thing yet, but I will. I'm just about to go on a road trip to Sydney, so I'll um certainly get a lot of music time in that. So, as you know, and as I mentioned before, I did the Never Late Female Posty Ride, um, which is a charity fundraiser for an incredible charity that goes is called Wings for Kids, and they fly regional kids from different points in sort of the central west more than anywhere into Sydney for appointments. So they will pick up, you have to get to the airport. So, whether say you're in Dubot, you get to Dubbo airport, you hop on the plane, you get to Sydney wherever that you might be going, and they will organise transport to your appointment, they will wait for the appointment and then take you back to the plane and then fly you back home. And it's just um takes an incredible amount of stress off the parents and caregivers of these children, so they're not having to sit six or seven hours in a car and then try and find accommodation, and the financial burden of that in terms of fuel and also having to take time off work, it all just accumulates as well as the emotional issues that come along with it, where you're taking your sick child into appointments, you could be getting bad news, and then the thought of having to drive home as well, and being able to be flown into these appointments reduces the time significantly so they can get back into the house and the normal family activities, and if there's other children and things like that, they're not missing out on our parents for being away for a couple of days at a time to get to these appointments. So the charity itself is amazing. So this year there were 81 female riders, it's all only women, and surprisingly, considering that um it's all women, and women can be a pack of bitches, and we all know that, and I say that with my hand on heart, knowing that I am also a female, um, it the the rides goes really really smoothly, there's no bitchiness and things like that. So um, I think there could be a little bit of bickering for living in each other's pockets for an extended period of time, but other than that, it goes really well. So we started in orange this year, and it was freezing, very, very cold. We had lunch in Blaney that day, and Orange to Blaney is not very far, maybe 40 45 K's or whatever. But I think it took us about 100 K's or close to 100 Ks to get there because we all go sort of back roads and we take the very very scenic crit, but it was um very enjoyable. And the the road that we take is there are some highway riding, and I don't love that sitting on a posty bike when you got semis and stuff hit sitting on a hundred, if not more. So, um, yes, they they look after us and take us on back roads, and some of these are uh bitumen, and a lot of them are dirt roads. So, and we all I just want to quickly stop there and apologize because my phone rang and it came through my laptop and then has totally distracted me. It was a good conversation, don't get me wrong. So I know the person who called me is going to be listening to this episode going, oh I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. Don't be sorry. Um, anyway, so a lot of dirt roads from there, and I was I was riding along okay, and the posty bikes aren't the fastest of bikes by any means, and you're sort of doing really well if it can sit comfortably on sort of 70-75. Well, for my bike, that's the case, anyway. So, a lot of the bitumen and stuff like that. I was probably sitting up around 60 on the dirt roads. I was a little bit more cautious, um, but we went well, and we ended up staying the night at Bathurst, and that's definitely only 45ks to Bathurst, and or maybe 55 anyway, something. And it took us 200ks to get there, but it was so beautiful the way we went, and we know what we're getting into when we do this ride. That if we took the highway, we would be there in an hour or so, but we do this because it's fun, and so we spent the night at Bathurst on the mount at Ridges, and it was beautiful, it was really, really nice. And the first night of the ride is always the pink night with the dinner because we all have communal dinners and stuff like that. Um, or it's always in sort of like the function room auditorium at wherever it is at for that place, it was at Ridges, and other places it was like the RSL or things like that, so um it was nice to sit down and have that. But we all the group of us that I was with, there was five of us, and we dressed up as grandma bikey moles, and it was very, very fortunate for us because um Cliff, my son, was playing basketball in Bathurst at five, so I had ridden my bike to um watch him play, and dinner had started at six. So by the time I got back to the hotel, it was probably six. And when I walked into our room, the girls were just finishing getting ready, so I quickly got dressed into black jeans, a black shirt, this beautiful, ugly velvet pink vest with tassels and shit on it. It was the ugliest thing I've ever seen. Then one of the ladies put a roller in my hair, one of those old school fabric ones. Um, terrible, terrible makeup, and we um all when we we had fake cigarettes and stuff like that as well, that looked incredibly real, it was pretty cool. And so we um walk into the room, and at this stage everybody was all seated, so we walked in with a bang, and we ended up winning best dress that night, and it was so much fun. But get up the next morning, we do a hot lap of Mount Panorama. Um, a few of the ladies did two laps, but I was thinking I just actually can't be bothered doing it again. Last year, we I think I did three hot laps on the post-y bikes, so when I say hot lapses, there's nothing hot about it. I ain't going fast, particularly up those hills, the bike just can't make it. So um, we did a lap, not necessarily a hot lap. Anyway, so we had been given a warning the night before about a section of day two's ride being quite um I can't remember what he said, but it was a road that we had to exercise extreme caution, and I'll tell you what, you knew it when you got to it, it was so steep. We were going down and it was shaley and rocky. And look, I did alright, like I rode the whole time, I just kept it in first and um just feathered the brake. One of the ladies who was riding in front of me, she had a stack like literally right in front of me, and I'm trying to brake fast but safe as well because I didn't want to skid or anything. Um, and then so she hurt her ankle and she jumped in one of the support vehicles and didn't ride again until we came on the procession um on the final day, and then um one of the other ladies who I was riding with, a good friend of mine, she she had a bit of a fall, but she was just going around a corner and just sort of dropped the bike with her on it, so she was fine. But I had seen those two sort of minor accidents up until lunch, and I just want to say here, I didn't think last year's bike accident had any impact on my brain. Like I had always just said it's a cool story and an Alex car, and yes, it still is a cool story, and yes, I still do have an Alex car, although it has gotten a bit better, it's not as keyloid-y. Um, anyway, that's beyond the point. But as soon as we left lunch on the second day and we had lunch at Sefala, I didn't have any phone service, so I used one of the other lady's phones and called my husband so she could he could let mum and dad know and stuff like that that I had made it to lunch because I think everybody was probably a little bit worried considering how last year's ended. So we left Sefala, I was feeling feeling pretty good, and we um we had a little bit of bitumen to start with, and so we were just pottering along there, and um then I hit dirt for the first time that day after lunch, and I don't know what it was, I was in a completely different geographic area from where I crashed last year, but I crashed after lunch on dirt on day two, and I have never been so scared in my life, and I sat on 20k, like I literally was just telling myself you can do this, just go slow, just go slow. But I didn't realize that the accident from last year would affect me the way it did this year, and like every time, like once I got to the bitumen, I sort of felt a little bit better. I'm trying to do some bloody deep breathing while I'm on the dirt riding along. And we ended up stopping because I was riding with one of my friends, and she she couldn't see me because I was so far behind, and she pulled up, and like by the time I got there, I don't know how long she would have had to have waited. She goes, Like, what's going on, Mel? I said, I am petrified, like I am so so scared, and she goes, That's fine. She goes, You can do this, you have got this, just take your time, even if it takes hours. Like, you can do this, and I and that's the problem. Like, I know I've got the ability to ride. Like, yes, I am a cautious rider, I'm not going to say that I'm not. I'm not a speed demon. I am literally looking to enjoy the ride and get from A to B. Um, and I've ridden on dirt, like I know I've ridden dirt by Xandy, Walgott and Burke, and I know how to handle the dirt, so it's not like I didn't have the ability to do this, but my head was just messy with me big time, and it I don't know how many caves we had to go, um, but I um I don't know why my voice sounds so funny, I apologise. Um but it just seemed to take forever and ever, and we got into Mudgy and we're staying at this really nice well actually wait, we're staying at this hotel, it wasn't really nice because I called ridges really nice. Um we're staying at this hotel, and it was nice, it was very neat and tidy, so and you really can't complain. But as soon as I got in, I'm I'm pretty certain like we were the last people to get in for the night, and it's not a race, and all the ladies who are the support there waiting. We've all got numbered high-vise vests on, and when we come in to lunch and um the motel at the in the evening, they count off our numbers to make sure everybody's made it in safely. Um, so I think I was the last person to come through, which is it's it's not a race, and I know some people like to come in always first and stuff like that, but each to their own, like it wouldn't bother me if I came in last every day, twice a day. Like it's just as long as I'm getting there. Um, but then when I saw one of I parked my bike, took my helmet off, and then saw one of the ladies who's in my group. Um, I looked at her and I just burst into tears, and like it was just relief, it was just sheer relief that I had actually made it. So yeah, it was just interesting to see and feel that last year's ride did affect me, and that's okay because I was able to get up, I was able to stay on my bike, and I was able to finish that section of the ride, which is so rewarding. So, so rewarding to know that I had done it and I hadn't given up, and I hadn't given up on my ability, but I hadn't given up on myself and what I knew I had the capacity to do. Um, so yeah, that was really nice. And my first person I wanted to call was Mel, and the selfish bitch was in China and didn't answer. Um, so I called my husband. Don't get me wrong, I love him. But he was really good actually, and I like I hadn't it had been a little while since I got back into the motel, um, and I just burst into tears again, and he was yeah, it was very, very helpful on the phone, so it was nice. So the ride, but once I got on the bike the next morning, I felt like a new person, and yeah, no, I didn't go crazy, I didn't do go stupid. Um, but I actually enjoyed day three and four. So day three, we had lunch at Ballymoor Hair on the Dog Pub, and that was really nice. We had this pretty gnarly water crossing. Um, and it was funny because that was before lunch actually, and we're riding along and we stopped. And I said to my mate, I said, Oh look, I just gotta go pee. So I had to do a bushwee, and I took, and the day before, when I had to do a bushwee, I just drip drive, which wasn't an issue. But then this day I thought, no, you know what? I'm gonna take a little bit of tissues with me so I can dry myself so it's not gross on the bike, anyway. So five ten K's after I stopped for my bushwee, we had this water crossing, and I can honestly tell you now there was no point using toilet paper when I went to and did my bushwhee because I was drenched from head to toe. But um, if you have a look at the video I put together on Mad Mail's Mark about my ride, you'll be able to see the water crossing, but yeah, it was lots and lots of fun. And when we got to the pub, people were taking their boots off and just having water draining out of them. But I had um motorbike boots on, but they were lace up and sort of hard to get on and off when they weren't wet, and I just knew if I took them off now, I would never be able to um get them back on. So by the time I got into um the motel at Wellington that night, my feet were like prunes, that was so wrinkly, it was funny. Um, so last night uh we stayed in Wellington and then we rode 140 Ks to um a beautiful homestead in Dubbo, and we all had lunch there, and then from the homestead we rode probably two K's up the road in procession um to Dubbo Zoo, and it was it was really really nice. And then the gala night was the final night in Dubbo, um, nice formal dinner. We all had to get dressed up and look a little bit fancy, and two of the planes have officially been logoed with the never fail, the never late female posty ride, so that was pretty cool to see two planes sitting there with our logo, and we ended up raising just over$400,000 uh on this year's ride, and this is the fourth year the ride has been happening, and over the four years they've raised over 1.3 million for the charity, which is incredible. And this charity um is all run by volunteers, so there is not one person who draws a wage from the charity, so the the money is going directly into the leasing of the planes and the the vehicles that are used, so yeah, it's just a beautiful, beautiful charity. So, yes, that was my week and my ride, and I am so incredibly proud of myself that I was able to squash those fears or work through those fears to get to the end of the ride. So it was it's an amazing week. I have met the most incredible women that I am honored to call my friends, and I will be keeping in contact with them. I'm already planning rides to go and visit some of them as well. So um, yes, it was really nice. The question I've been asked, will I do it again? Yes, next year, and yes, I will. So keep an eye out. I just want to be more ride fit. Like I hadn't ridden properly since last year, and yeah, my body certainly helped hurt. Yeah, I'm still trying to catch up, and I didn't I finished it on Friday, and it's now Tuesday, and I'm still wrecked. Anyway, let's finish with the thought of the week. And as always, I am opening up to a random page of The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Maxie. Okay, what have we got today? Well, hello. Do you have a favorite saying? asked the boy. Yes, said the mole. What is it? If at first you don't succeed, have some cake. I see. Does it work? Every time. Right. It's a good lesson to know. Have some cake. All right, everybody, thank you for tuning in to this week's episode. Um Thanks for listening and Have a good week and please be very kind to yourself. Thanks again. Thanks for tuning in to Mad Mail's Mike. I'm Melissa Smith and I hope you've enjoyed listening. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram and don't forget to like and follow. Have a great week and don't forget to be kind to yourself.