Stop Living For Other People’s Opinions

Season 2, Episode 12

**** trigger warning - talk of mental health and suicide****

We follow the thread of “Follow Your Arrow” into the messy reality of PTSD, stigma, and why other people’s opinions can quietly steer our choices. I share how a sore knee and a jarred finger triggered a sudden mental health crash, then work through practical ways to reframe setbacks and speak to ourselves with more kindness. 
• using the song “Follow Your Arrow” to challenge stigma and judgment 
• putting our needs first even when others disapprove 
• reflecting on Jeff’s honesty about alcoholism, AA, and PTSD masking 
• noticing how quickly physical pain can trigger depression 
• navigating the catch-22 of staying active while risking injury 
• dealing with exhaustion, sleep issues, and low tolerance days 
• attending the hospital memorial rock garden opening ceremony 
• redefining productivity and celebrating small wins to reduce negative self-talk 
You can find me on Facebook and Instagram, and don't forget to like and follow. 

Song of the week:

Kasey Musgraves - Follow your arrow

https://youtu.be/kQ8xqyoZXCc?si=ScT33a_VGahmHd2l

Thought of the week:

The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse by Charlie Mackesy

"you fell - but I've got you"

Transcript

Welcome Back And No Plan

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey there, welcome to Mad Mel's Mic. Thanks for joining me. My name is Melissa and this is a podcast all about me. About my life.

Song Of The Week Meaning

Doing What’s Right For You

Jeff’s Story And Asking For Help

Sleep Exhaustion And Tiredness

Memorial Rock Garden At Hospital

Injuries And A Mental Health Crash

Motivation Dips And Small Wins

Thought Of The Week And Goodbye

SPEAKER_01 0:07

About my life with PTSD. About my life with the husband and kids and friends and everything in between. Thanks for tuning in. Hey everybody and welcome to season two, episode 12 of Mad Mel's Mike. Thanks for tuning in. Sorry again that I didn't record last week. The week just really got away from me, but I'll um chat about it in this episode. So let's get this episode started. So here we are again. Thanks for tuning in. Like I really do appreciate everybody listening to me. But it's kind of funny, I was just literally messaging to mate saying that I'm about to record for tomorrow's episode that gets released, and he goes, What are you going to talk about? And my response was I have no idea, but I don't have much of an idea each week that I record, and I seem to get through it, and people are still enjoying it. So thank you for that. I um sort of look at the song of the week and I guess I use that as sort of my starting platform as to what I'm going to talk about through the week and then how that impacts me and how it may and hopefully impact you and help you on your journey. And as you know, music is such a big part of my life. I have an Alexa in my shower, and every time I have a shower, I pump a song on and I sing my heart out, and I think I have an amazing voice until the song stops, and then I hear my own voice, and I just go, Holy shit, you are not a good singer. And um, if I had a day job, I certainly would be telling myself not to quit my day job. So, talking about the song of the week, let's have a listen to this one. It's called Follow Your Arrow by Casey Musgraves. And what I like about that song is I think we live in a world and a society at the moment that whatever we do, somebody's always got an opinion. And nine times out of ten, that opinion is negative, and that's very disappointing and sad to think that that's how we are looked at by the rest of the world. But I think it's important to realize that it doesn't matter what we do, we need to be doing it for ourselves, whether that's oh shit, I can't even think, um, going to a mental health institution, like the stigma around for me personally, ending up in what people call the loony bin or the asylum is is confronting, and that people's perception of what you're doing unfortunately impacts on what we do to better ourselves. And I think we just need to look at these things and go, you know what? Do I need to go to a mental health hospital for myself? Yes, I do. Do I need to be um doing all these different types of treatment that other people might have an opinion on that is not aligned with yours? And yes, they will, but I think first and foremost, we need to put ourselves first and do whatever the hell we want. And that might be I don't know, going to church or going to the psych hospital, or going to see somebody that you have a connection with, but other people don't necessarily like. So we need to be doing things for ourselves and not worrying about what other people and the rest of the world may or may not think. And at the end of the day, there's that saying that sums it up really, really nicely, I think. And it goes, those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter, and it is so so true. Like we need to be making sure that the people around us and in our corner don't mind, and they are the real ones that matter to us. So I think it's a very important thing to look at and a very positive thing to look at, and just making sure that we're aligning ourselves with people who value us as a person but also have the same values as us as well. So yeah, um, take that song into the week and hopefully you can get something from. So, what have I been up to the last two weeks? It's funny, I just took a little pause and stopped recording and then started talking again and hadn't realized I had pressed the palae button and not the record button. So, luckily, I hadn't gotten too far in advance and realised that I had not recorded any of the words that I said. And as you know, this is podcast is done by the fly, so being able to try and remember first and foremost what I had just spoken about is going to be very hard. But yeah, so what have I been up to for the last sort of weeks? Um, so those who have listened, I interviewed Jeff and he was so insightful about his alcoholism and what it meant for him getting involved in AA, but also I think it was important for him to articulate how his alcohol consumption was masking his PTSD. And once he stopped drinking alcohol, he had to then deal with his PTSD, which is a very confronting thing, and it's very hard to say, well, if I take off this mask, whether or not whether it be from alcohol or drugs or exercise, that you're then going to have to deal with something as significant as PTSD and mental health. So, but looking at where he is now and how far he's come, that I think the positives far outweigh the negatives in terms of having to deal with his PTSD and just seeing his connection with his family increase and with his friends and having a little bit more purpose of life and things like that. So I think it's very, very important to realise. And I just want to say a massive big thank you to Jeff. Like that was a huge thing jumping on and talking so vulnerably to such an open forum as well. So thank you, Jeff. I really appreciate it. So, as we said last time, well, when I was interviewing him, like if you have any questions or anything in relation to AA or alcoholism and things like that, just reach out and I can um put you in touch with the right people. So just remember that you're not fighting this battle alone. Yes, it is something that you need to want to do yourself, but you are not there alone in this. There are people in your corner, and there are support networks out there as well. So, yes, what have I been up to? I find myself in a bit of a hole at the moment, and at this minute I'm feeling pretty good, but I've been having really bad issues with my right knee, and it's keeping me up at night, and it's becoming oh I'm just so over it. I've been trying to do my physio exercises and stretching and um trying to get to a yoga class once a week, and I um my son's getting really involved into his basketball, and he wants to improve his fitness, so um, we've been swimming as well. So I've been doing a lot, but just this knee is just getting me down. And then last night at basketball, um, I played basketball with both my girls, and it's always fun. Look, last night was fun, there was no arguments on the court. And if any of you guys know me and my girls, that often ends in arguments on the courts, and we're having little domestics there and things like that, and sometimes I end up in tears. So, look, the the whole theory of playing a sport with your kids is very nice, but then sometimes in reality, it's like, what the hell am I doing? Like, I could be doing this without my kids, not having to worry about like the the family politics on the court and things like that. But I think it's very nice to play together, but there certainly are moments. But last night at um basketball, I jarred my ring finger on my left hand, and as soon as I got home, my knee was killing me, and the depression that hit me was insane. Like, I haven't felt sad like that in a long time, and it was just like holy shit, like these physical injuries have such a huge impact on my mental health, and I have no doubt they have a huge impact on other people's mental health as well. But just being able to see how quickly my mental health declined was insane. Like I just I just still can't grasp it. And yes, I'm feeling all right at this minute. I'm not, I'm actually feeling quite upbeat, but I just it sort of scared me to realize that something like this, like it's a jarred finger, like I'm not gonna need surgery. Yes, it's a bit bruised, yes, it's a bit swollen. Um, yes, my knees feeling better today, but I think these two things combined have just gone, holy shit, like I my mental health can't afford for me to be injured, but then it's a catch-22, isn't it? Like if I can wrap myself up in cotton wool and then I won't play basketball and I won't go swimming and I won't um play pickleball. And these are the things that bring me enjoyment in life, but on the flip side, do I continue doing those things at the risk of getting injured? And I think that for me the benefit far outweighs um the possibility of me injuring myself as well. So I don't know, it's just trying to navigate what happens if I do twinge my knee or if I do jar my finger, and how I am able to get through that as well. So yeah, it's certainly an interesting. I don't know, it just I think I've just had so many physical injuries over the last few years that it's very hard not to get into that depressive state, but they haven't crippled me. Like I'm still up, I'm I'm back playing netball, I'm back on my posi bike, I'm back on my big bike, I'm I'm doing all these things that bring me joy. And yes, I think it's important to look back retrospectively and go, yes, you did injure yourself, and yes, you did fuck your ankle, like to no extremes, but you got through it, I got through it, and I am where I am today as a result of those injuries and what I have learned through those injuries. So I think it's just about trying to reshape that mindset about how we can move forward when we are there, and then if I am injured where I can't actually play any sport, what can I do in a positive outlook that will be able to help me move forward with all of that as well? So I don't know, it's just very, very hard. I am I'm actually doing a course called The Change Room, and I'm doing that next month. I know next month. Well, it's probably only two weeks away when I do it. It's in this year has just flown, and I I really feel like I'm sounding more and more like my mum and dad, like, oh my gosh, it's Christmas already, and next minute it's Christmas again, and but like this year, it like I'm literally I feel like a blunt, blink, blunk. I feel like I've just blinked and I've woken up and it's May. Like this year has just gone so so fast, and even my kids are saying, like, yeah, this is incredible. But I've actually been really, really tired lately, and I I don't know why, and I don't know what I'm doing to make myself so tired. Like, I'm going to bed, I'm sleeping, I'm waking up exhausted. So I think I need to get in um contact with my um sleep doctor again and um find out what's going on and see if we can make a tweak with the medications as well. So um, because I know and I'm sure everybody else who is listening to this understands that if you're waking up exhausted, then your motivation's low, your tolerance is low, your ability to argue is very, very high, and but you're not you're not in that calm space, and it it makes it very, very hard to get through the day, particularly when little problems come up. You just well, for me, I just like go straight to the top, and there's sort of no lead, like no lead up, it's just but I'm already so heightened at the time that yeah, it's it's very, very difficult to sort of navigate. Um, one of the things I also wanted to talk about was I went to an opening ceremony of at the hospital at St. John of God at North Richmond. The ward that I go to used to be called the Xavier Ward, and it's now called the Xavier Program, which is the three-week PTSD program. But over the time, um, patients have gone in there and made memorial rocks for people that they have lost, whether to suicide or different things along the way as well. It's not it's not necessarily just for those who have died by suicide, but um they've painted these beautiful like river stones and things like that. And in before the hospital was renovated, and there was a as you walked out of the ward, there was a courtyard type thing where we had tables and chairs and stuff, and we could all sit out there. But patients had made all these beautifully painted rocks as a memorial to those that they have lost over the time. And uh when the hospital was renovated, those rocks were put into safe storage, and the hospital organised to have a beautiful memorial rock garden created specifically for these. So I went down to the hospital, and we had the opening ceremony of that, and it was such a beautiful, beautiful event. One of the gentlemans who was um pivotal in starting the Xabia program at St. John of God was there and he spoke, and it was just nice, it was really, really humbling, and it was nice to see all the stones and rocks that people had put their time and emotions and feelings into these rocks, and that they had been preserved so well whilst the building was undergoing renovation. So it was a beautiful sunny day, um, and it was just so so nice. And it was it's always nice going down to the hospital to catch up with the nurses and other patients there that are not necessarily in at the time, but I have met through my stay and have become friends with them as well. So it was it was a really, really beautiful day, and it was a big day. Um, I did end up going down the night before and staying with my sister. Um, I just don't think I had it in me to do a day trip up and back because it was quite emotional, and obviously the Great Western Highway is being a pain in the ass at the moment, so um yeah, it um makes things a little bit difficult coming through Lithgow and just more traffic and things like that. But yeah, look, I'm glad I made the effort to go and spend the time there and and assist in the opening of that beautiful rock garden. Um so yeah, it was it was really nice. I had a pickleball tournament coming up um sort of mid-June in the Central West, and that's been cancelled, which is very disappointing. I don't think they got enough numbers for it as well, but I just I think I've only played pickleball three or four times since um the Canberra tournament that Mel and I entered, and it's just I've just sort of started to lose a little bit of motivation with life in general, and I think that happens. But when every time I've gone back to pickleball, I've really enjoyed it, so I know that it is beneficial for me, and I know it's something that I need to do, and I know that it's something that sometimes I need to push myself out the door, but I can get it done. So with my book club, we have a every time the local theatre company puts on a show, we always go and see the local show. So this we went I don't know last week or the week before and saw the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and oh my gosh, like I know there's a movie of it. Um, I don't think I've actually seen the movie, and I think I've only seen the stage show once before in Melbourne, but that is just a mind mess. Like, I just it's it's full true, but what I can say is that the the people who put on the show did an amazing job for amateurs who don't get paid and volunteered their time for this. It is such a fun, fun show, and everybody was up doing the time warp at the end of the show, and yeah, it was really, really fun. It was nice to spend the time with the girls from Book Club as well. So, yes, I um feel like I've been incredibly busy but haven't been achieving too much, and I know that's probably not true, but I think our perception of what we do and what we uh don't do are very warped, and I think particularly when you throw in mental health in that as well, like um we don't need to be where we were for for me five and a half years ago working full-time, managing three kids, um, running a household. I think our perspective needs to change and go, okay, I've gotten out of bed, I've gotten my kid to school, and then if you spend the remainder of the day on the lounge, that is totally acceptable. So let's try this week moving forward to change our mindset on what we are doing and how we can use what we are doing in a positive light and and try and get rid of that negative self-talk. Um, because if we focus on that negative self-talk, that becomes the main focus on our brain. So if we can go, you know what, Melissa, you brush your teeth today. Yes, yes, you did, and let's look at that as a win and start to reframe that negative to a positive self-talk, and then hopefully moving forward, the positive self-talk will start screaming at us and won't be that negative self-talk screaming at us as well. So before we wrap up for the episode, let's get into the thought of the week. I kind of feel that we might have had two thoughts of the week with the those who don't mind matter and those that mind don't matter, but I um I want to go back to the trusty book that I got, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Maxie, and I've opened it up to a random page as I do, and it says, You fell, but I've got you. Isn't that so perfect? Yes, I think we have all fallen at some points in our lives. Actually, no, wait, let me reframe that. We have all fallen at some points in our lives, but there is always somebody there to be with you as you have fallen. So as we move forward into this week, um have a good week. Thank you for tuning in and please be kind to yourself.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

Thanks for tuning in to Mad Mills Mike. I'm Melissa Smith, and I hope you've enjoyed listening. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram, and don't forget to like and follow. Have a great week, and don't forget to be kind to yourself.