Friendship As Medicine

Season 2, Episode 15

I talk about why friendship and connection can feel like the missing piece when life gets heavy, from Toy Story nostalgia to what real support looks like in practice. We also unpack recovery lessons from a course in Newcastle, a powerful cancer resilience story, and my ongoing work to reframe PTSD as a significant life event with hard parts and real positives. 
• Taylor Swift fandom and why Toy Story sparks nostalgia and hope 
• song of the week as a way to focus on friendship and support 
• leaning on the people who keep showing up even after we push them away 
• a simple way to check on a mate by texting “thinking of you” 
• the importance of connection and community for mental health recovery 
• what Mark Hughes’ brain cancer journey teaches us about resilience 
• keeping perspective while remembering that every struggle is relative 
• reframing PTSD and other challenges as significant life events 
• finding small positives alongside setbacks, including injury and rehab 
You can find me on Facebook and Instagram, and don't forget to like and follow. 

Song of the Week:

I Will Go Sailing No More - Randy Newman

https://youtu.be/AOBIcW4hIBw?si=YgrUtd5z2yOjlRA8

Thought of the Week:

The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse by Charlie Mackesy

"What do we do when our hearts hurt? asked the boy. We wrap them with friendship, shared tears and time, till they wake happy and hopeful again"

Transcript

Welcome Back And What This Is

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey there, welcome to Mad Mel's Mike. Thanks for joining me. My name is Melissa and this is a podcast all about me, about my life, about my life with PTSD, about my life with the husband and kids and friends and everything in between. Thanks for tuning in. Hey everybody, and welcome to season two, episode 15 of Mad Mel's Mike. Thanks for tuning in. Let's just jump straight into it and get this episode started. So, welcome again to episode 15 of season two, and today will be my 45th episode counting season one and season two, which is pretty cool, and certainly never imagined it um growing legs the way it has, and people listening to it. And I'm just going to take a minute because I know I've had a few um listeners from over in the States send me emails. I apologize, I have not um sent responses to them, but I endeavour in the next week or so to get back to you. But um persevere with me please and I will get into it. Um so it's been a week, like I feel like I haven't stopped and I

Taylor Swift Bestie And Toy Story Joy

SPEAKER_01 1:15

or stopped driving, but yeah, it's been been fun. But before we get into what I have been up to, let's talk about my bestie. I haven't spoken about my bestie on this podcast for some time, and those of you who have listened to my first couple of episodes will know who my bestie is. It is none other than Taylor Swift. I am not ashamed to admit it, she is my best friend. However, I am sad to tell you and inform you that I am not hers. She doesn't even know who I am, but I can guarantee you she's going to listen to this episode. Well, I kind of think if I put it out there in the universe, then maybe she will hear it, and then then we will actually be besties because that'd be pretty fun. Imagine getting invited to that wedding. That'd be so cool. But the reason why I wanted to bring up my bestie, and what's quite funny is I'm actually sitting in the office at home looking at a besties forever plaque that my actual bestie, Mel, did send me. So Mel, I'm not cheating on you. Taylor doesn't actually know who I am, you're safe with me. Actually, wait, let me rephrase that. You're stuck with me. Anyway, Taylor Swift has released a new song, and it is lovely. And what I think's nice about it, it's the um it's for Toy Story 5. And I was showing Rory the sort of film clip with Jesse and Buzz and Woody and all of the original characters, and I just made me feel so happy. Like Toy Story is so nostalgic for me. And I ended up looking up when it was released, and the first Toy Story was released in '95, so I would have been 11. And for me, it just has such fond childhood memories, so it's really nice, really, really nice. But like all my weeks, I do a song of the week, and I'm really, really struggling with this week's song of the week, and all I can think of is the new Taylor song, but I don't want to play that here on this episode because I feel that there is going to be the right time for that song, and that's not it. And the other song that's screaming at me is You've Got a Friend in Me, which Mel played for her song. So I really am struggling to find a song. So let me have a think about it. Okay, so I've had a think about it, and I know that think was not a think at all, but I actually did stop recording and did some looking, and let's

Song Of The Week And Real Friendship

SPEAKER_01 3:50

stick with the Toy Story theme, which is a song that is called I Will Go Sailing No More. So let's have a listen. And there's just something so heartwarming about the friendships that are formed by these toys and the dependency that Woody had on Andy, but not realizing that he didn't need that dependency on Andy because he had all his mates. Um, and that's just so nice to know that when we have people in our corner, we don't need anything else. We can get through the day with knowing that people are there holding our hand, walking through life with us. So, yeah, let's let's hold on to that for this week moving forward and just have a look at those around you and who those who keep showing up, even though you may have pushed them away, because I can guarantee you I have pushed a lot of people away in my life, but the ones who really matter are still there walking beside me. And I know I've said it multiple times, numerous times on this podcast, that nobody can do the work for you, but it's just as important to have those people there holding your hand along the way. Just even like if you've got a mate who you know might be having or going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment, just flick them a message just saying thinking of you. Don't ask them, Are you okay? Because it's so easy just to say yeah, or is there anything I can do for you? Like just say thinking of you. Um little things like that, they it really means the world to somebody who's going through a hard time. So yeah, just take that moment and have a have a think about who might be needing one of those messages today and send it out to them because I can guarantee you whoever's going to receive that message is going to appreciate

Tired Week And Choosing To Record

SPEAKER_01 6:20

it and appreciate you. So this last week, what have I been up to? Um well last week I also recorded on the Tuesday. I seem to be cutting these episodes finer and finer. And this week I was sort of at the point where I'm going, you know what, Melissa, you're tired. Just sit in front of the TV on the lounge watching your stupid Renault shows, which is what I'm watching at the moment, or end off campus. I've been watching that show too. And if you haven't seen it, watch it. It's about college. Um, lots of sex. But what's what's concerning is that my girls have watched it and it's like, oh, and then Rory Gozman last night, well it's not even rated R Mum. I've gone, it doesn't matter. Like it's just weird to think that my daughters are watching that shit as well. Anyway, so I was sort of half going, oh look, Melissa, it's okay if you miss an episode. And then I was driving home from picking Cliff up at school, and look, mind you, it's 10 past four in the afternoon on Tuesday, and my episode comes out tomorrow at 10. So I don't have a lot of time. But we were driving home and Taylor's new song came on, and it just made me really excited and made me really happy. And I thought, you know what? No, I need to record. Like, I feel like every week I just dribble more and more shit, but people like it, so I'm gonna keep talking and going from there. Um, so last week um on Tuesday, when I recorded, I was in Newcastle staying there. I had completed the first day of the change room course, and that was amazing. And the second day was even better than the first day. So we had a lady come and talk to us about the importance of

What Connection Does For Recovery

SPEAKER_01 8:10

connection, and I'm going to jump online and see if I can find a few little different bits of information that I can share with you because what she said was so so true, and I think it's so important in our mental health. And isn't it funny? Like, I hadn't been able to think of a song to talk about this week, and yet here I am talking about Toy Story and the importance of friendships and connections, and then here I am now talking about my course that I did last week. So it must be all sort of sitting subconsciously in the back of my brain, but um, yeah, the importance of connection and how fundamental it is in on our recovery, whether that be a physical recovery or a psychological recovery, and how connections have changed over the times, like over the last 50 years and things like that, and we are much more connected now with our mobile phones in our pockets constantly, but yet we are so much more disconnected from people, and there's that sense of community that's been lost in all of that. So, if I can make a suggestion to you, I would find some part of community, whether that be a sporting group or church, or where Jeff was speaking about it on his episode AA. Just find something that has like-minded people there that you can form that connection with. So I'm going to jump online over the next couple of days and see if I can find something that I can check on my socials and go from there. And then

Mark Hughes And Resilience Up Close

SPEAKER_01 10:55

we had Mark Hughes talk to us. And so, for those of you who don't know Mark Hughes and for those who are listening um internationally, it still is very bizarre to hear that. And what's funny is that I just about 88% of my listeners are from Australia, so the rest of my listeners are from all different spots across the world, and that's just mind-blowing. Anyway, so Mark Hughes used to play for the National Rugby League, the NRL, for Newcastle Knights, and he got diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of 36 or 37. Anyway, he started the Mark Hughes Foundation, um, which predominantly sells beanies, and he has been able to raise the amount of funds that he now has a significant amount of researchers up in Newcastle um specifically researching brain cancer, and that is just an awesome effort. But just being able to listen to him talk and be so vulnerable and listening to his journey and what he has been through and his resilience has was just remarkable, and it was so inspirational. And it's hard to not, I guess, not have pity on him, but not look at his story and go, well, what have I got to complain about? And um, one of the fellas on the course um actually said that. He goes, Oh, it all puts it into perspective, doesn't it? And I said, Yeah, it does. I said, but you have to remember that everything is relative because what we are going through is significant to us. It may not be significant to other people's battles, but it is significant to us. And for me, my PTSD

PTSD Perspective And Finding The Upside

SPEAKER_01 12:45

and my breakdown was the biggest thing that ever happened in my life. So for me, that is significant. And another thing that I liked that the Dr. Ali mentioned when she was talking about connection is that she didn't call it an injury, whether it's a physical or psychological injury, she called it a significant life event. Because then there's that none of those negative connotations attached to an injury or an illness and things like that. And I thought that was a brilliant way of looking at it because, yes, there's not many negative things that have come out of me being diagnosed with PTSD. I'm sure people look at it and go, Oh, what are you talking about, Mel? Like your career ended, you've spent a significant amount of time in a psych hospital. Yes, my career ended, but the benefit of that is that I've been able to spend more time with my kids. I've been able to get them up off to school, make their lunches, make their breakfast, pick them up from school, and for me, that's a positive. Um, oh, but you spent a lot of time in the loony bin. Yeah, I did. But the amount of friends that I have made from there is incredible, and I wouldn't change that for the world. And what I've learnt about myself through those inpatient stays is also something that I wouldn't change. So, yes, somebody might be looking at my diagnosis as a negative, but I'm looking at it as a positive, and one of the biggest positives is me being able to articulate and help other people on their journeys as well. So that's and having this platform to be able to do it. And so, yes, there's so many negative connotations that come with a physical injury or a psychological injury or a mental breakdown or whatever you want to call it or whatever has happened in your life. But if we can start picking those small little glimmers of positives that have come out of it, then maybe your mindset will change about it as well. So don't get me wrong, it's taken me a long time to get here, a very, very long time. Well, actually, not really a long time, I'd say three years. Um, yes, that may seem like a long time, but in the span of my life, like I'm now 42, it's it's only a blimp on the radar, and like my bestie Taylor has said in one of my songs, which I've played before, it's just a temporary speed bump, and that's exactly right. What we are going through in this life at this moment, whether it's the worst thing you have ever gone through at all in your life, it is only a temporary speed bump, and there is light at the end of the tunnel, you just need to push through it and you need to have the strength to do it. And I should rephrase that it's not you need to have the strength, you do have the strength to do this because I can guarantee you that if I can do it sitting here behind this laptop, talking to you about it now, then you can do it as well. Like the amount of hurdles that not only did I have my my PTSD diagnosis, I had an ankle injury that resulted in being on crutches for six weeks and in a moon boot for nine weeks, and those things just it just set you back. And I know one of my very, very early episodes, I spoke about um Professor got my tongues tied there, um, Professor Zach Steele, who did presentations at the hospital, he spoke about PTSD being like a game of snakes and ladders, and we could be going up this ladder and cruising along well, and then get on this giant ass snake and then slide you all the way back down. And that's what my physical injuries felt like when I was trying to also battle my psychological injury. I'd be putting one foot in front of the other, and then next minute I've done my ankle or I've done my knee, or I've done something like that, and then taking away my only coping strategy, which was exercise, it made me have to

Family Catch Ups Plus Knee Rehab

SPEAKER_01 16:55

deal with my head, and that was a blessing in disguise. Um, so let's try and move forward with this week and have a look at what little positive, it can be the tiniest little positive that you can think of that has come out of your mental health injury or your physical injury for that. Um, so after the course I went back to mum and dad's and I caught up with my good mate from hospital who I met my very first day, and he's just amazing. So we had a great time together, and then Thursday night I was at mum and dad's, and then caught up with Jeff on Friday and my sister on Friday, and then drove to Nara to watch Cliff play rep basketball for the long weekend. And I know in the last couple of weeks I've spoken about my knee and how I should be doing my physio exercises, and I haven't done my physio exercises, and as a result, my knee is pretty cranky. So I've done them the last couple of days, but I think I've just spent that much time in the car. My knee sort of just set at that angle where it sits on the accelerator and the brake, and so now straightening it's um causing me a little bit of grief, but I know we'll get there. I know this again is just a temporary speed bump. Um, I'm fortunate that we didn't have basketball last night because of the public holiday for the king's birthday, which sounds really, really weird, and not the Queen's birthday because it's been like that for a very, very long time. The Queen's birthday. Um, but yeah, I will keep

Taylor’s New Clip And A Final Thought

SPEAKER_01 18:30

doing my physio exercises and go from there. But before I finish for the week, I want you to jump on and have a look at Taylor's new film clip for her song. Song called I Knew It, I Knew You. And she's gone back to her grassroots, she's gone back to country, and I love it, and I really, really hope she brings out a country album. So, Taylor, when you listen to this, please for me, bring out a Taylor oh block, bring out a country music um album for us because that would be awesome. Alright, so let's finish with a thought of the week. Funny, so when I did last week's Thought of the Week, I didn't actually have the book with me because that's sitting in my office at home, so I just had to Google it, but we came up with something. Alright, and this week's is as usual opened up random. And it says, What do we do when our hearts hurt? asked the boy. We wrap them with friendship, shared tears and time till they wake hopeful and happy again. Isn't it just amazing how things just fall into place? Like most of this episode I've been speaking about friendships and connections, and then randomly I open to this page from The Boy, the Mole, The Fox and the Horse by Charlie Maxie, and it talks about friendship. Have a very

Kindness Reminder And Where To Find Me

SPEAKER_01 19:45

good week, everybody. Thanks for tuning in and please be kind to yourself. Thanks for tuning in to Mad Mails Mike. I'm Melissa Smith, and I hope you've enjoyed listening. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram, and don't forget to like and follow. Have a great week and don't forget to be kind to yourself.