Mad Mel’s Mic
Hi there! Welcome to Mad Mel’s Mic!! Thanks for joining me. My name is Melissa and this is a podcast all about me! About my life. About life with PTSD. About my life with a husband, kids and friends. Thanks for tuning in.
Mad Mel’s Mic
The Other Mel Takeovers Questions
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Season 2, Episode 22
We hand the mic to the other Mel for Takeover Week and answer listener questions with no prep, which turns into a funny, honest look at my life with PTSD. We talk recovery tools, the awkward reality of boundaries, and the small ways people can show up that actually help.
• pop culture updates and why self-kindness comes first
• secret talents including guitar and why music matters after trauma
• the weird things we believed for way too long
• scent memories and how sensory cues can transport you
• choosing honesty over excuses when I am not coping
• habits that can drive people crazy and the routines I rely on
• PTSD recovery supports including inpatient stays and TMS
• box breathing, grounding, art, puzzles, and social connection
• what to text when checking in and why “thinking of you” works
• what not to say when someone is struggling
• living without shame about medical retirement and identity changes
• what I would say to PTSD and why gratitude can coexist with pain
You can find me on Facebook and Instagram and don't forget to like and follow.
Don't forget to be kind to yourself.
Thought of the Week:
"People will forget what you said and forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel" - Maya Angelou
Welcome To Takeover Week
SPEAKER_02Hey there, welcome to Mad Mel's Mike. Thanks for joining me. My name is Melissa, and this is a podcast all about me. About my life. About my life with PTSD. About my life with the husband and kids and friends and everything in between. Thanks for tuning in.
SPEAKER_03Hi guys, it's Mel and it's Takeover Week. I'm here asking Mel the hard questions. And I'm really excited. So get your popcorn and get ready for the drama.
SPEAKER_02It's your turn to talk now. You're taking over this.
SPEAKER_03I was just like, you're looking at me. Hi guys and welcome.
SPEAKER_00You know I'm not going to cut that out.
SPEAKER_03No, you have to. Well, I probably will need some guidance from you for the format of it. I don't want to get it. This is exactly what you do.
SPEAKER_02Okay, all right. No, no, no. Look, I'm happy to help and I'll we'll still do all the editing. Thank you. But um, not that there will be much, but yeah.
SPEAKER_03Well, I think usually you go into the song of the week. Is that correct?
SPEAKER_01Oh, I I didn't read I just make shit up as I go.
SPEAKER_02Okay, let's go. There's no rhyme or reason. You do this, this is your show. Okay, excellent. You do this however you do.
SPEAKER_03All right.
Pop Culture Updates And Catchphrases
SPEAKER_03Well, firstly, I do want to just touch on a few pop culture um questions from last time. Um, just to keep everyone up to date. I just wanted to let them know that Ann Hathaway is pregnant with her third child. Oh my gosh, she is pregnant and it is her third. So I was really disappointed when I saw that because I was like, how did Anne not tell me about the first two?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that should be on her first thing to do. Oh my gosh, I'm pregnant with my first.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I need to let Mel know. I know, and I'm really disappointed in her. So I'd like to put a message out to her for her next big life change. Yep. Contact me.
SPEAKER_01In Hathaway, it is.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. Um, and then secondly, on that is just the ending of the two shows that we talked about, um, Rove and Ellen. Oh, that's right. Yeah. I got them a bit mixed up. So Rove says, say hi to your mum, and Ellen says, be kind to each other, which got me thinking, with yours, um, I think yours is better than Ellen's. I know, and I hope you're listening, Ellen, um, with your multi-million dollar show. But Mel's is better because I think with that old saying, hurt people, hurt people, how can we be kind to others if we're not kind to ourselves? And I think it's really important that we show that kindness to ourselves, and then it will just automatically come out to everyone else when we're loving and kind to ourselves.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I think it is important, but yeah, we can't be kind to others without putting ourselves first. And that sounds really selfish, but I think we need to be selfish in today's world.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and I don't even know if it's like selfish in the sense of just like, you know, that self-talk sometimes when we're really critical on ourselves or something, like stopping that and going, hey, like how do I be kinder to myself for that?
SPEAKER_02I think it's a really and I think if you are, like you said, kind to yourself, well then that will go to other people as well. Yeah. Um, it's contagious. Yes. That was a little bit cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03What is that saying? Um, have an attitude worth catching.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03No, attitudes are contagious. Have one worth catching up. Yeah, yeah, that's cool.
SPEAKER_02It was funny after we recorded last time.
SPEAKER_00I went down a rabbit hole going, shit, have I copied like some like Ellen's catchphrase or Rose catchphrase, and then as soon as we finish on the front porch at home, and I'm Mel going, Google it.
SPEAKER_02Mel, you gotta Google it because I don't want to copy anybody else's. I thought this was mine, and I'm sure people say it, but yeah, I didn't want to be thought to be, oh well, Mel just said it because Ellen said it or Rogue said it. Well, I felt happier knowing that it wasn't.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I think I Googled Anne Hathaway first.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we did a lot of Googling after that last episode.
SPEAKER_03It was quite funny. Um, but no, yeah, I do I really do like yours um over Ellen. So sorry, Ellen. Yeah. Have you got lots of questions in? I do have lots of questions in, actually. And I'm a little bit concerned about the timing and getting through them all, um, which I'll try to do. But I was thinking that if we don't get through all of them, um we might even do um version two of this, um, Mel's version later. Yeah. Um, and then we can people can submit some more questions too. They might hear some of these. Um, because I do want to make a note to everyone, this is really exciting because Mel hasn't seen the questions. I've got no idea. No, no. And we're also at my house, so she's totally out of her comfort zone. So she's not where she normally does when she does the podcast. So I think it's really exciting.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I know we're like shit. I'm gonna have to actually use my brain and things. And you're like totally in a different space, like it's just all different. Not that I don't come to Mel's house.
SPEAKER_03No, no, but I think you don't record your podcast here. No, like you know, you have your routine and like that's totally out of whack now, and you've got questions that you don't even know that's coming.
SPEAKER_02No idea at all.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Well, should we just get started in the case? Let's get started. So um the song of the week, um, I think no, so there's a question that was asked that reminded
Secret Talents And Guitar Time
SPEAKER_03me of the song of the week. So I might ask you the question and I'll tell you why I think this leads into the song of the week. So um, oh, also just a note people didn't tell me they're suburbs, so I've just taken their first name and made up suburbs. So um Betty from Baal Main, they're gonna start with the same initial.
SPEAKER_02I actually still think it should be Betty from Walburne. Well, me dad, but that's okay. But we're we're doing the alliteration.
SPEAKER_03Okay, so Betty from um Balmain asks, what's the most useless talent you secretly have? The most useless talent. No, I just this is I don't want I know where this is going. No, well, no, I don't want the useless part, is not, but I think the secret we have is important for me. But it I don't power out.
SPEAKER_02This is already hard.
SPEAKER_03She's already hard. I wish we would film this to what people could see your faces.
SPEAKER_01Oh, most useless talent. Or even a secret talent, maybe not useless. I don't have any secrets, I've got a podcast that everybody knows everything about. Well, I I beg to differ.
SPEAKER_02Well, just because you didn't know something doesn't mean the rest of the world doesn't.
SPEAKER_03So for a side note, everybody, um, it was only like maybe three weeks ago I was at Mel's house and she pulled out the guitar and she could play. And I don't mean just a few chords, like she could actually play a whole song. And I was like, How did I not know you could play? And she said, Well, I've got like, do you think the guitars are just here for like decoration? I was like, Yeah.
SPEAKER_02But which is funny because people in hospital, when I've had my inpatient's days, know I play because I always take my guitar down there. I sit out in the common room and play. And look, all right, let's just rephrase what Mel thinks is a good ability to play a guitar and what I think is a good ability to play guitar. I am no Taylor Swift, I can't finger pick. I can literally probably play six chords. I can't play the F chord because it's a bar chord and my fingers don't have the dexterity to do that for it. But oops, just choked on my own dribble. So, yes, there's I I can play enough to strum along around a campfire.
SPEAKER_03Well, and that's what I was gonna say. Like, if I could play as well as you could play, I would be inviting people over all the time for a fire so I could play the guitar. Like I'd be whipping it out all the time. Book club, it'd be out. I'd be finishing the the night with a number, and I'd just never seen you play it before. And I knew that you did take it to hospital, but again, I didn't see you play it there. I thought you might have just played a couple of chords, but not a whole song.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's not a useless one. I do want to take that out of there. I do want to try and figure out what is a useless secret talent I have. Yeah. Let me think on it. Okay.
SPEAKER_01All I can think of is that I pick my nose, but that's not really a talent. Like, do you pick it in a special way that others can't?
SPEAKER_02No, probably not. I just get a lot of enjoyment out of it. Oh, okay, okay.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Well, what about like, can you do something like, you know, with people with their tongues or I can blow, oh actually, yeah, I can blow um, I'm not gonna be able to do it now because there's too much pressure because it takes me a while to warm up, but I can blow bubbles out of my mouth with spit. Blow bubbles. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah, and like they sort of float until they pop.
SPEAKER_03Oh, okay. Like in the air. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. Okay, that is pretty impressive.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Okay, we'll have to get a TikTok of that later. Yeah, I'm gonna have to somehow do it.
SPEAKER_03I'm drinking a coffee, so my saliva is not, doesn't have the so this leads us into Mel doing a song for us for Song of the Week.
SPEAKER_05Song of the Week.
SPEAKER_03I'm playing something on the guitar. Let me just whip out my guitar. I'm very excited for you to hear, and you can post your comments on how well. I think you're astoundingly good. But I can't play a single chord.
SPEAKER_02Well, how about I play good riddance?
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_02Um, I'll play that.
SPEAKER_03Perfect. Yeah. All right, we're gonna go to it now. Thank you. Thank you. I'm so excited.
SPEAKER_02I just didn't know it about you.
SPEAKER_03I think I'm still shocked. So when that question came in, I was like, Oh, I know, not that it's useless, but I may I think it is useless in the sense that you're not using it enough.
SPEAKER_04I have been whipping it out all the time. Well, I have been getting better.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you actually have. That's why I've figured out. I'm starting to get calluses on my fingers again, which is nice because it hurts. Can you can only play for a certain like a little while while you're building up, and then because I haven't played for so long, my wrist sort of hurts as well. So yeah. I have been getting better with it.
SPEAKER_03I'm gonna get into the questions because we've got so many, and we'll just keep rambling about yeah.
SPEAKER_02Oh, we can talk a lot of shit. Yeah, and like we could sit here for an hour and uh not go through one question.
SPEAKER_00This might have to be a four-part series already.
SPEAKER_03It might be going.
Weird Beliefs And Shower Memories
SPEAKER_03So um, Emma from Epping, which is your sister, and she's not from Epping, but um, she asks, What's the funniest thing you believed as a kid for way too long?
SPEAKER_02Wow.
SPEAKER_01And I was like, this is probably like she knows maybe what she thinks it could be. She's being your sister. That my sister was a nerd. Actually, right, she still is a nerd.
SPEAKER_02She's gonna listen to this going, you're a bitch, Melissa.
SPEAKER_04Um, I say ask the question again. What's the funniest thing you believed as a kid for way too long?
SPEAKER_02Well, I don't necessarily think I was a kid, but I believed I believe I believed a seal.
SPEAKER_03Well, like the song.
SPEAKER_00The singer, yeah, the singer from like Australian Idol or whatever it is. Yes, the scars on his face, I believed that he they were from him being a child warrior in Africa for so long.
SPEAKER_03Every time you say I believe, you say it in the I believe, because isn't doesn't he sing that song or not? I don't know.
SPEAKER_00But that's not what I thought. So I got told somebody I trust enormously. We were watching the show one day, and I said, Where's these scars from?
SPEAKER_02He goes, Oh, he was a child warrior in Africa. I went, Oh, okay. And then I was working in Wolgot, and then I was talking with my off-sider that day. Oh gosh.
SPEAKER_00And we were talking about Seal for some reason. I said, Oh yeah, did you know you were a child warrior? And she looked at me goes, No, they fucking wasn't. I said, What do you mean? I said, That's where his scars are from. That's a very nice adult. Oh my gosh. And she goes, The scars are from Lupus.
SPEAKER_02I'm like, fuck you. Oh my god. Yeah, so not necessarily a child, yeah, but yes, I did believe it. Probably would have been at least two years that I believed that.
SPEAKER_00Wow, that's the most random thing you could have come up with as well. I'm impressed. I can't think of anything from amazing because there is a lot of pressure. Now I can understand why mum couldn't think of a funny story from when I was a kid.
SPEAKER_03But it's so hard. It's like that's what I thought was so exciting about doing this because you don't know what it feels like. No, you know the questions, and even me sitting here, I'm feeling more confident than ever because I'm like, I know what's coming. You've got the power. You don't. And it's a lot to think, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, but yeah, other than that, um well, look, I did think the sun shined out of the arse of my brother and sister. That was probably a lie. It doesn't.
SPEAKER_03It shines out of yours. Who wouldn't know you had all this shiningness? I know. Um the next question is from Tiffany from Tumit. Again. Tiffany from Tumit? She's not from there. Um, I'd like to know if Mel still thinks of me when she gets in the shower. For me, getting these questions, I was like, what the Oh Tiff, that's such a random question.
SPEAKER_00And I'm gonna have to give some context here. I mean, I'd like some context.
SPEAKER_02And I hope you don't mind. So Tiff is the massuse at the hospital. Yeah. And she always used to get really concerned because I would get a massage every week while I was in hospital. And like sometimes I was there for eight weeks. And even when I did outpatient stays, I always got a massage. Best massus ever. If you're out in Western Sydney, look her up. Yeah, and she's not from Timon. This is not a paid advert. Um anyway, so her the stuff you'd use on your face was always not really nice. So then I ended up buying some face like scrub, like cleanser and moisturizer and stuff like that. And so every time I would smell this the lotions I was using, I would literally be transported back to the massage thing.
SPEAKER_00And I sent her a random message one night saying, just so you know, every time I have a shower, I think of you because it smells like your massage room, which is so even that it smells like your massage room. So here I am in the shower. Oh, what a great question. I know, but I haven't bought it for a while, so I haven't actually thought about it for a while in the shower.
SPEAKER_03Oh no, we'll have to get you some.
SPEAKER_02I know, it's just related to the smells, not so much me being in the shower making.
SPEAKER_03It was like when I got that question, I was like, I have no idea, but this is a great one. Thank you. And I was like wondering whether or not if I didn't say who it was from, that you would be able to put the two and two together.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, if you didn't say it was TIF, I would have gone, I know exactly who that is when you sent that question in. Because there's not many people I think of in the shower. I always think of what song am I going to play through my Alexa? Uh the hardest thing. Uh because I'm only in there the quick shower, I'm only in there for a song. Okay, when I wash my hair, maybe a song and a half. Yeah, so you need to make the right I have to make the right choice. And then my stupid Alexa, like if I go, Alexa, play Wood by Taylor Swift. She'll put on. I think last night I asked for that and she put on post Malone. I'm going, that's not what I wanted. It's not what I want.
SPEAKER_03You've ruined my shower.
SPEAKER_02I know.
SPEAKER_03You need the face cream to bring you back. Yeah, yeah. Okay, next question. Um,
Boundaries When You Are Not Coping
SPEAKER_03Emma from Epping asks, what's the most creative excuse you've used to get out of something when you weren't coping?
SPEAKER_02I actually don't think I've ever used an excuse. I've always I think I have been pretty honest in saying I can't do it. Yeah, because I agree. I don't have capacity or I don't have the energy to do it.
SPEAKER_03Um and I do think, like, I think maybe in the last um, I don't know, six to twelve months, let's even say you've been better at it. Yeah. Because you can see signs maybe and you think, okay, I can't actually do this right now, or you're like, yesterday was a big day, you know, so I need to take it easier.
SPEAKER_02Look, don't get me wrong, I think there's been points where if I can't, if I didn't want to do something just because I but I think you mostly do want to do things. Yeah, I know, but sometimes I I might go and pull the capacity card and you go, oh, I really don't want to do that. How can I get out of jail free? Yeah. And pull that. So maybe I've been using it more as a scapegoat more than anything. But yeah, no, I don't think I've ever had to be creative. You would just say what it is. I have been quite honest.
SPEAKER_03Well, I think that's why you started the podcast, wasn't it? With that to sh share and show people that you can, you know, you can be. It's okay to say you're not okay and that you can't do something.
SPEAKER_02That's exactly right. And I think we have so much shame surrounding that. Yeah. And I've been making a conscious effort not to have that shame.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And then my by me being honest to other people, I'm also then honest to myself.
SPEAKER_03Yes, that's a really good point, actually. Honest to yourself. Yeah. Oh, that's why I think you know, in the last six to twelve months, you've gotten better with it because you are being honest with yourself and knowing, like, you know, you you hurt your knee, and the last time you had a really bad injury, you were in hospital for eight weeks for the first time. Like there was nothing.
SPEAKER_02But your I would then I was home before and back in for another four, like.
SPEAKER_03But your knee, you've been so good, and I think you have in that sense, too, been able to see what you can and can't do and monitor that to make sure um that you're staying on top of it. Yes. You've grown so much, I think, in that.
SPEAKER_02Mama ain't raised no liar.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Sort of. Yeah, I was gonna say, well, I might disagree with that at some point, like let's see the rest of the questions.
SPEAKER_02Um That was a good question, though.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so um Rhonda from Rhodes Um asked, and this is the question I think that I has the one I've fixated on the most. And when I read it, you get to go, like, shut up. But no, because I've I'll read it first and then I'll tell you what I've been doing. Um, but you see if you can answer it straight away and I'll tell you my story after. It's all about me. Um no. What's something you do that drives everyone around you crazy? Oh shit. And so I've felt like a detective since I've got this question because I'm like, oh, maybe this is it, and I wanted to tell you.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, look, I'm just gonna say here like Mel and I don't have secrets. No. So this has been very, very hard for Mel getting these emails and not being able to share them with me because we see each other every day. Yeah, like if we're both in town, we see each other. Actually, yesterday we didn't see each other, but and it was weird. And it was weird, yeah. Like I think I caught
Little Habits That Drive People Nuts
SPEAKER_02her at 6 30, 7 o'clock going, I haven't seen you all day. Like, what are we doing with your life? Yeah. I haven't live.
SPEAKER_03Oh, what's something that annoy what what what's something you do that drives everyone around you crazy?
SPEAKER_02Um, probably my fixating on shit. I think that would drive my family crazy.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I know. I was like thinking too, like, what living with you is totally different to then what I experienced. And then we drove to Sydney last weekend, and you when you put the window down a little bit, you're like, my mum and dad don't like when I do that. And I was like, put that down on my note. I'll be like a detective trying to figure out what it would be. And I've just fixated on it. Um for me, I think it is literally kind of like what you led into, and this doesn't annoy me at all. But the first thing that came to my mind was um your lip balm. Oh yeah. Like, not that it annoys me at all, but every time we get out of the car, she's like, hang on, and we've got to put on our Bert's Bees. It has to be Bert's Bees.
SPEAKER_01And it has to be a certain Bert's Bees, even. Oh, yeah, and it can't be the flavor, it's the original. Yeah, it's so hilarious.
SPEAKER_00Because it like now you mentioned an eline lip balm.
SPEAKER_03Like, I I I've never seen anyone use like if Bert's Bees is listening, like, sponsor Melvin because she goes through a lot. Um actually, we should tag Bert's Bees on this. And even when we went to Canberra for pickleball, which leads into one other for me.
SPEAKER_01Um that's what I felt really bad when I was going through this.
SPEAKER_03And I wanted to tell you because I was laughing so hard. When we went to Canberra, we had to go to Kmart to get a fan for you um so you could sleep with the cool. Uh and then we had to get the birth bees, but they didn't have her particular birth beads. And I was like, it's fine, you've probably got enough. But every time like she pulled it out to put it on, I could see her face like looking, and I just started to feel so shit. Because I was like, you'll be fine. Like you don't and she just started to look more and more I haven't used it since. I think it was the vanilla one.
SPEAKER_02I don't I'll just not get anyone, it's fine. The problem is the the thickness of it changes with the different flavors. So I like the nice thick one. Yeah, I mean you do use it a lot. But there's probably little things at home that family, like everything needs to be put away. Yeah. I don't care if shit's messy behind cupboards, yeah.
SPEAKER_03But the house has to be tidy. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02But I've always been like that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. So from this, but yeah.
SPEAKER_02I'm sure my snoring annoys my husband.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, mine would too.
SPEAKER_02Although he says he likes it. It's probably just him telling himself that.
SPEAKER_03Well, and then I think the other one from Canberra was that um when you went on the posty bike ride and I was in um China, the one thing that I was worried about for you was that whoever you're sharing a room would wouldn't let you have it cold. Oh yeah. And I was like, I and then you rang me on the second day, and I was like, oh no, I hope they said like they'd better have it cool because you like to have the room super cool. Like when we were in Canberra, I think I woke up with frostbite.
SPEAKER_02Uh it was on pretty cold. And there, because it was just one of those balls. Air conditioners, too. That was just pointing straight to me.
SPEAKER_03Because one of my bad traits that probably annoys people, I need to wee a lot. So I had the room that had the toilet, but then the aircon did come onto me. But I think it made us get to the final in the game because when I overheat, like I can't play. And so it took me all day to defrost. And in the final overheated and we lost. Yeah, that's true. So yeah. Um but yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, no, I'm sure there's lots of little things that annoy maybe um I'll do some little video skills.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I know. Mine would be picking and toileting a lot.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Well, the toilet in for me doesn't annoy me.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. No, I don't I don't like none of yours annoy me either. I just like was the first thing that came to my mind was Bert's Bees. Was my lip balm. Yeah. Yeah. But it'd be interesting to see what other people maybe we'll do if we do a second series, um, we can see what things that people pick up. But then I then I was thinking, well, it's probably not the nicest thing. Like, because then every time you're going to do the one like you put on your birth beads, you're like noise, mail.
SPEAKER_00No, I'm I'm gonna do it even more now.
SPEAKER_03I know you uh anyway, that's probably the question that got me like literally like and then I wanted to like I was laughing inside on the way to Sydney going, put that on the list, put that on the list window down, window down. Uh anyway. Um, so we've got a question from Jeff from Ginderbime.
PTSD Tools That Actually Help
unknownJeff from Ginderbeim.
SPEAKER_03So my question is what is something you have tried done in your PTS recovery that worked well for you?
SPEAKER_02Oh I think the main thing that stands out is my inpatient stays. I think that has been instrumental in my recovery. Um well, recovery is a weird word, isn't it? Because we don't actually ever recover from PTSD. It's just I guess in your PTSD growth.
SPEAKER_04But I think I like that growth.
SPEAKER_02Probably one of the other ones was having my TMS, my transcranial magnetic stimulation. I think that has been instrumental. But I guess it would be helpful if it was here because then I would be able to ask that's treatment, like, or are we talking about tools?
SPEAKER_03Well, I think also too, um, and they uh I will actually um go into that too, but I think um like TMS was so important at that early stages of two, and you went back, but you think about now how long it's been, yeah, because the other tools are now in place that helped you. So I think TMS was get you to a space to be able to utilize tools.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, in your so what kind of tools I did and when I first did a like was presented and told about breathing and stuff, I go, what a crock of shit. Yeah. Put it in the meditation basket, which is also a crack of shit. Um the crock of shit, even. Um but no, I do still do um breathing. I do a lot of box breathing, so if I can start to feel that anxiety pressure on my chest, I'll just do some breathings and then hopefully that will alleviate some of that pressure.
SPEAKER_03And I think it's so true though, like I think um I'm on a side note actually doing meditation teacher training, she's like, it's a crock of shit. Um, but I'm also ADHD active mind and never thought I could meditate. But breathing is such a like, even now that I've been doing the training and know it, you do the deep breaths, like even in the morning when the kids are just you know driving me crazy, and you o automatically do when I think we think it's something else that it's not, like it is just a tool that actually does really work well.
SPEAKER_02Um I do think, and it's not something well, it is something that's taught at hospital as well, but music's been yeah still a big part because when my head first break broke, I stopped listening to music altogether. Yeah, you did, and I still think, and even just having the podcast and having to think about songs of the weeks, yeah, it's like how can I like this? Is a song about a love story, but yeah for me, I can see how this relates directly with my PTSD. So that has sort of been able to get my mind working as well. So yeah, music has been a big part.
SPEAKER_03Um, there was another question from somebody else as well, which I'll put in here before I go to Jeff's next one. Um, but which coping strategy sounded completely ridiculous but actually worked?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that would probably be the breathing for me because um I don't know. I I think coming into this thing, I knew very little about mental health. Like I knew what PTSD was, thought most of the people in the cops were milk in the system, um, which is completely wrong and very, very wrong of me to think like that. Yes. Um, but I didn't really know what tools were in place to be able to help that. But I think um for me, the breathing, but also the social connection. Yeah. I think I've always been a very social person, but then going through all of everything, I became very, very isolated.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, but I think still having that social connection. Like I know for me, and this is not blowing wind up your ass, but if I do if you go away and I don't see you for like a couple of weeks, it's like, oh, like I miss that. Like I miss that because it doesn't matter what person I am at that time, you don't care.
SPEAKER_05Yes.
SPEAKER_02Like I'm like yesterday I was having a flat day, and I know I didn't see you yesterday, but you wouldn't have cared. No, not at all. And if we are literally sitting next to one another and not talking, that's also fine. So for me, I think social connection has been a big part of that as well.
SPEAKER_03And I think like you like you say, you are social, but then when it was bad, you weren't seeing people, like you would see me, you know, family, but not like what you were before. No, but I think like you know, sometimes too, we're not gonna be what we were before either. It's that new version of us in that social space. Yeah, that's you know, um, yeah. No, I think that um answer that question. I think so. And I think that I do want to touch on, which I hope I can get right, when you talked about it from the police, and it's something that, you know, you don't really get taught a lot about the mental health, and you're not even taught breathing techniques, you know. And like that's something that when you've had this that you've learned, how important that would be for the people that are in the police still, you know, even sort of that grounding when they come back after you know a tough shift or whatever, yeah, you know, might or might not little things like and I don't do it often enough, is just sitting on the front porch in the sun, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Like just that grounding type thing. Um, that's nice. But for me, getting like, and this has been a byproduct of my hospital stays is getting into my art. Yes. Like, and when I go down to the hospital, I always take puzzles. Yes. And but for the puzzles, it's like you've got that mindfulness going on, but it's also a social thing because there's other people on the ward that come and help you.
SPEAKER_01And such a good one, isn't it? When everyone comes, pops one in, you're like, Oh, you've got one.
SPEAKER_02And it's like, oh, Mill started it, she can do the last piece. And then I go, I of course I want to fucking do the last piece. Everyone wants to do the last piece. This is my puzzle.
SPEAKER_01I paid for it, I'm doing the last piece. I'd hide the last piece.
SPEAKER_03That's what Clifford did to my puzzle the other day.
SPEAKER_02Such a jerk.
SPEAKER_03Um, so back to Jeff, and then he said on the other side of that, what's something you tried that hasn't worked for you?
SPEAKER_00Oh, something I've tried that hasn't worked.
SPEAKER_02I actually can't think.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Because I think maybe things that don't even necessarily you see, you still have some sort of I think it's a learning, isn't it? Yeah. They have play some role in all of it. Like even things that you might have learnt in all of the courses you've gone to at the hospital. Yeah. You know, you might not remember them all, but it's all about that learning and growth.
SPEAKER_02That's the problem. I can't think of any other tools that if it didn't work, you probably don't remember it. Yeah. Um, let me ponder on that one a little bit.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Um, we've got um uh a couple more from um Emma from Epping,
Checking In Without Making It Worse
SPEAKER_03which is your sister. Thank you, Emma, for sending so many wonderful questions in. She's a good egg. I know. Um I I really like these two questions. Um and um so I think it's important, I think, and maybe we can touch on a bit, and I know we did in the first podcast I did, um, but what are the best things people can say or do when they're checking in on you?
SPEAKER_02I don't think it's about asking what somebody can do.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_02It's I think for me, if I was to get a text message saying thinking of you, yeah, hope you're doing okay. Yeah. Um but um not I think it's important for people not to be discouraged if you don't hear back as well because it's yes, it's for like if I was having a really bad day and I got that text message and I went, Oh, that's really nice, but didn't have it in me to actually respond, I think it's important for the other person, for the sender not to get offended by not having a response, but just to keep sending those messages because although the person isn't responding, they're getting it. They're getting it. And then even just little things like, um, do you want to go for a walk? It's a nice day, do you want to go for a walk? But be okay for them to say not or for them not to respond. Yeah. I think it's more important for well for myself, and I'm sure other people feel the same way, um, to know that they are being thought of and not necessarily having anything done for them because we all know that somebody else can't fix what's going on in our own heads, and it's only us that can do it. Um, but I think it's nice to know that there are still people walking beside you on that journey as well.
SPEAKER_03And I think that I really do like that you highlighted that, yeah, don't get discouraged if you don't hear back. Like, you know, it's hard and it's a lot going on, and just to know to keep doing that, you know.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and keep doing it because it is sometimes it is a lot of effort to respond. Oh, yeah. Like even to say thank you.
SPEAKER_03Like, and I know it's not many letters in a text message, but it's still But like you get it and you think of it, and then if you do go, like as well, we don't remember anything. No, you forget, and you don't and I think it's important to do it and give it out without expecting anything because you don't want to put the pressure on that person. They don't need another thing to think or worry about, or even if they have that capacity to be thinking or worrying. Yeah, sometimes you don't even have that. It's just that you've got it and you keep going.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but just to send those messages without those expectations of and do you think on a like just thinking of you um is almost better as well?
SPEAKER_03And the next question from Emma is what's the worst thing people can say or do when checking in? So think about it. But thinking of you is better than how are you? Because then you don't have to.
SPEAKER_02But if you are going to ask them how they are, don't ask how are you, yeah. Because the the all the response you're gonna get is good. Good, yeah, yeah. Or fine. Fine. Um, like ask a maybe a more open-ended question, like I actually can't think of anything. Well, what are you up to today? Yeah. Or something like that, opposed to asking exactly how you are, because really at the end of the day, if you're sending that message, that person's shit anyway. Yeah. So, like, what are you doing today?
SPEAKER_03What are you doing today? That's a good one, too, isn't it? Like, because then maybe say like nothing because I feel shit. Yeah. Oh, okay. Is there anything I can do? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thinking of you. Do you want to go for a walk?
SPEAKER_02Do you want to go for a walk? Do you want me to bring you a coffee? Or do you want me to bring you markers? Yeah, marcus. Something like that. Um, yeah. So if you ask not specific questions relating to how they are, yeah, you might be able to backdoor it in another way. Like, I really like that. Or you know that they're sitting at home in front of the TV. Like, have you watched this TV show? Yeah. I really enjoyed it. Like, offer them like things like that, or if you heard a nice song that you thought would relate to them or something like that, send them that. Like, yeah, just little things to know that somebody is thinking of them. Yeah. And that might be the best thing that's happened to them that whole week.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And that might change their mindset just that fraction.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And yeah, just get them on the right trajectory again. So, yeah, definitely.
SPEAKER_03You know, I think they say as well, like um I work a little bit with the NRL going into schools, and they talk about asking someone to check in, you know, like I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately, like what's going on. Um, and they say, you know, sometimes I might say nothing, but you've opened that door that they know you're there. That's it. So when they feel like they may want to talk about it and say, actually, I'm not doing well, they might come to you. And so don't give up just, you know, and then maybe ask for a coffee. But yeah, that's it.
SPEAKER_02But I think it's very important for the person sending the message not to get offended if something doesn't respond. Yeah, I think that's because I think it is very easy for us as the sender to go, well, fuck them.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. I'm not gonna keep right reaching out to you if you don't give me anything, but it's not about that. It's not about no the person sending it, it's no the headspace of the.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, give them some grace. Um, so yeah, just give a little bit of compassion.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And was there anything that you would put down as the worst things people could say or do when checking in? I know we've probably covered it a little bit in and out.
SPEAKER_02A fair bit, but I think I've been told a lot of times, oh, you just get over it. Uh like I think I did an episode all last year um about stupid things people have said. Well, just be happy. Oh, I fucking love to just be happy and like come, but it it changes the game because in your brain, yeah. Like just stupid things like that. I think you just need to be. But if you just go with somebody to somebody thinking of you, yeah. Um, what are you doing today? And like there's nothing you can say that is going to fix them. No. Um, it might help them.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02But yeah, just be you there's nothing you can do to say it.
SPEAKER_03But yeah. Okay. Are you happy yet? Yeah, are you happy yet? Click out of it. Yeah. Snap out of it, not click out of it. I knew what you meant. Um I've got a question from Annie, my mum from Armadale. What's the funniest misunderstanding you've had since being diagnosed with a PTSD?
SPEAKER_04The funniest misunderstanding.
Understanding PTSD And Letting Go Of Shame
SPEAKER_02I'm not sure if I have had a misunderstanding. I can't.
SPEAKER_03I guess like maybe even um well yeah, they're probably not funny either. Yeah. Yeah, and I guess most people know kind of like what PTSD would be like people are like, what a PTSD?
SPEAKER_04Um Yeah, it's a funny, tricky one. Yeah, it is a tricky one.
SPEAKER_03Um I guess like possibly um people not understanding PTSD. But then I think like, you know, people don't understand it fully, of course. No. Um, but and I know, you know, um, but I think that people have enough of an information to know, you know. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02But I think the understanding of PTSD uh uh up until recent years, it's just been veterans.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And there's become like probably in the last five years or so, greater understanding that PTSD happens to everybody. Yes. Um it's you don't have to be an emergency service worker or a veteran to be diagnosed with PTSD.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um but yeah, I do have a little pet peeve about it, though. I like a pet peeve. So there's a lot of people, and I apologise if you're listening to this and you're one of these people.
SPEAKER_01Um, it's not pet.
SPEAKER_02No, it's it's not you. Um that say they've been diagnosed with C PTSD, which is complex PTSD. But what annoys me is that we don't actually diagnose complex PTSD in Australia.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_02It's a yes, we all mostly do have complex PTSD. I was gonna say, like anyone that's been at the hospital would be, but it's just that little pet peeve that's like, well, no, we don't diagnose in this country with complex PTSD. It's just PTSD. And it's just, I don't know, it's just this little thing I've got in my brain going, no, it doesn't happen like that. Yes, we all have complex PTSD, but we're not diagnosed with that's just a okay.
SPEAKER_03That's a good pet peeve. Fun little pet peeve thing. With my pet peeve. Um so from Emma from Epping wanted to know if someone's listening and is struggling with PTS right now, what's one thing you'd want them to know?
SPEAKER_02That you're not alone. Yeah. Um and it's okay to feel not okay and scared because it's unknown. I and I think like I think we've touched on it already, like um we knew what PTSD was, but I think unless you're walking it or you're got a loved one walking that as well, you don't actually know the intricacies of what it actually is and what it entails and stuff like that. So my suggestion would be to um maybe obviously speak to your treating parties, but get onto those um an outpatient corps or something at the hospital as well, because you learn so much from other people with lived experience.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, so yeah, just to remember that you aren't alone.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And I think for me, even with that, and like obviously the person listening right now, but if family and friends are listening, like learn more as well. Yeah. Like what that, you know, that that um seminar that I went to was incredible for my knowledge.
SPEAKER_02That's what like my brother said during his. He goes, he did a heap of research with PTSD once I was diagnosed with it, because he didn't know a lot about it as well. So if you can arm yourself with information about what it is, even if you are the person being diagnosed with it, start doing some research about what it is and get a great better understanding.
SPEAKER_03So you understand yourself better as well. Yeah, you understand the loved one, like you understand why you know this is might be happening right now or that. You can sort of help.
SPEAKER_02Why all of a sudden you're isolating. Yeah. What what why is that? And why is your heart rate always so high? Yeah. Why are you always on eggshells and stuff like that and heightened constantly? If you can get the the information to understand why you're experiencing these things, then you might be able to then first of all accept it and love yourself because of that. Yes. But know that yes, you are here now, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because I think like you say, even heightened you could be going through the shopping centre and it happens, and you and so you don't think it's connected necessarily, and you just think, oh my gosh, maybe this is too much. But like once you start to learn why, then you can then start to see like okay, that is part of it, and I can sort of do this to help or know and understand better. See, but I didn't do any research, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I just lived it. Yeah. So, like for me going to Woolworths, I just had my kids. Yeah, I'd have to go with you. That was so so foreign.
SPEAKER_01Well my gosh, it's totally like not at all like the person before.
SPEAKER_02But I think if you understand why you're experiencing those feelings, then you can have kindness to yourself to go, okay, I know why this is happening, it's okay, it's because of ambiency. And then we can put strategies in place, like going to wars with somebody. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And and for them to understand too. Like, so I think it's really nice for the person then to go and understand. And I think, you know, I did it as well for you, but then listening to that understood why it was so important, you know, understood that just makes it so much clearer. Yeah. Um, yeah, I agree. I agree. Um, so Michael from Mitch and Berry. You shouldn't have seen how I spell Mitch and Berry. Or just hit the mic. Sorry, sorry, everyone. Um, I shouldn't laugh when I'm going into these questions, but anyway, Michael asked, if PTSD was a person, what would you say to it? Thank you. Oh, wow. I think I'm gonna cry.
SPEAKER_01No, because if you're gonna cry, I'm gonna cry.
SPEAKER_03I don't know, that was just really beautiful. Oh my gosh. It got me because you just said it so short, so away. Oh, okay, continue. Well, it's taught me a lot. I know, I know.
SPEAKER_02That's like it I always say now that the day my head broke was the best and worst day of my life. It's not it's not how I saw my career ending. I was 37. Yeah, like I thought I was gonna work in the cops forever. Like, don't get me wrong, if I my husband said to me you can retire tomorrow, I would have gone, yes, and live the millionaire's life, which is never gonna happen. Yeah, yeah. But I have learned so much from it, so I need to be thankful for it. And there are reasons that it has happened. And if this podcast is one of those reasons, well then I'm gonna take that as a massive win. So I'm gonna say thank you.
SPEAKER_03Thank you. Oh, that was really beautiful, and I think yeah, yeah. And I think too, like you say, it's it's hard when you think um that is the only career you're gonna know. Like, yeah, you know, that's exactly not thinking of doing anything else because this is what, yeah, anyway, that was really beautiful. Sorry. We both got tears. And um, oh, just the way you answered it, even. Oh, anyway.
SPEAKER_01I was very sure. I know it didn't, I know it was beautiful.
SPEAKER_03It was really, really cool. I was like, oh my god, straight away.
SPEAKER_05That was a good question from Michael from me, too.
SPEAKER_03Okay, um, so finally, um, we might do one last question and then um the quote of the week. I'll let you know what it is.
SPEAKER_01God, I'm not a good podcast. I was so like we used to be caught on the whole thank you answer. thinking that was gonna be the quote of the week. Now you've ruined my quote of the week. I might have another quote though.
SPEAKER_03And um it's so funny because um sometimes I like look at you like to think like I don't think I want you to help me with where I need to go next but I still look at you like I need something. I need I I need pushing in the right different so finally from Susan from Smithtown. I'm not even sure Smithtown's I think Smithtown is the reason to fucking sell her. You could have said Springfield or Smithfield. Oh Smith Smithtown anyway Susan is lovely and she's from Smithtown and she said um what warning label should come attached to you or like what warning label or how to use tag I don't know sorry you just go with the question I won't add anything warning label should come with me.
SPEAKER_02If I had a warning label on my head it would be be where she will tell you everything about her broken head. Because I don't I don't work I was literally catching up with people yesterday and it came up. Yeah like I don't have any shame no on saying why I don't work yeah and where my PTSD came from.
SPEAKER_03And I think that's so important and so important for people to hear because I think um some people don't want to hear it.
SPEAKER_00They're like just ask how you were well I'm good I've got PTSD I've spent five inpatient stays which is probably related to about six months. Do you want the novel story of it?
SPEAKER_03You can learn more at my podcast. Yes I just have verbal diary. Yeah yeah no but I do think though and I know like you say and not everybody but I think especially like when and if you know current police and and post police or anyone that has PTSD from anywhere like that it's okay to say that and like I think there some people probably do feel shame that they've retired from um their sorry I lost my train of thought retired from work but you don't have that you're happy to share that because I think it's important for people to hear.
SPEAKER_02Because and I think people can learn from that. Yeah and it is okay to have to be medically retired yeah for either a psychological or physical that's okay. Yeah but yeah it's about finding who that new person is yes I love that and not having shame in that yes so well thank you that was my
Warning Labels Quote And Sign Off
SPEAKER_02final question.
SPEAKER_03I mean I think I might have there might be a few more that um we can definitely do a part two in and happy to people to keep sending throughout the weeks like if you listen to a podcast and you think I really want to ask mail something that ask mad male is still there and I'll go through them and then we can look at how we can do it later.
SPEAKER_02Yeah um which is really exciting um and do another one but I do have a thought of the week oh you do have a thought of the week mine was thank you thank you thank you that was really beautiful but yes you go to your thoughts um so this is very random yes oh my gosh Cliff got me to play this new game it's sort of like Sudoku but with cats and color block it's called Miao Doku anyway and when you log on to it it comes up with these quotes. Okay and that's cute but they but they're really fast so I have to take screenshots of them so I can remember it. And this one was people will forget what you said and forget what you did but people will never forget how you you made them feel and that's by Maya Angelou.
SPEAKER_03Oh yes and I just went oh that is so true because people remember how you made them feel yeah and I think that is a really beautiful way to end this because I think that touches on as well um that checking in. Yeah you know and I think also too about being kind to yourself and then others coming out.
SPEAKER_02Yeah yeah oh wonderful remember people remember how you make them feel yeah um so I don't know how we sign off.
SPEAKER_03Well normally I go thanks everybody for tuning in.
SPEAKER_02Oh thanks everybody for tuning in have a good week have a good week and be kind to yourselves yay thank you also just before we end as well I just want to say thank you to Mel because she's put in a lot of effort to come up with town hold her tongue and tell me but also taking the time out of her day to do this and all the prep work.
SPEAKER_03But thank you to everybody who sent the emails in I'm so appreciative because I you know got so many emails and it made me really happy because A I didn't have to think of questions. Yeah I did think this morning um I thought I should have thought one of one from myself but I was keeping that for um round two because I can come back again. No but it was so lovely and I think um one of the really hard things about us both having the same name though is that I don't know whether they think it's you like I did actually get an email message from Jeff saying like these are going to Mel like is that you because I don't like are you going to know the questions first I went no like I actually don't know well I was I'm back on some of them. I've been signing off to everyone pretty much with Tootaloo I think and then I'm like the other male and then I was going to start like the first Mel um or number one mail and then I was like that probably still didn't make sense either. So the other male I was hoping they understood.
SPEAKER_01Yeah yeah the other mad male to everybody I appreciate it. Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_02So does the other male.
SPEAKER_01Yeah signing out the other male. Don't forget to be kind to yourself.
SPEAKER_02Be kind thanks for tuning in to Mad Mel's Mike. I'm Melissa Smith and I hope you've enjoyed listening. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram and don't forget to like and follow. Have a great week and don't forget to be kind to yourself.