Grateful For PTSD? A New Frame

Season 2, Episode 23

I reflect on why I can honestly say “thank you” to PTSD even while admitting the low points, and how reframing my diagnosis helps me keep moving forward. I share the song and thought that keep me grounded, plus a small moment with a friend that completely changed how I hear my own self-talk. 
• saying “thank you” to PTSD and what that mindset shift unlocks 
• Dream On by Aerosmith as a reminder that life continues after trauma 
• the past can still hurt and the value of learning from it 
• catching negative self-talk with the line “Please do not talk about my friend like that” 
• practising the catchphrase be kind to yourself 
• returning to pickleball carefully and the power of community 
• surprising my parents with a Cosentino show and why local arts matter 
• a parenting milestone and dreaming about future travel 
• thought of the week: our freedom is how we react to things 
You can find me on Facebook and Instagram, and don't forget to like and follow. 

Song of the week:
Dream on - Aerosmith
https://youtu.be/89dGC8de0CA?si=i-EwRR7Gze00t20k

Thought of the week:
The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse by Charlie Mackesy
"One of our greatest freedoms is how we react to things"

Transcript

Welcome And Personal Update

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey there, welcome to Mad Mel's Mike. Thanks for joining me. My name is Melissa and this is a podcast all about me. About my life. About my life with PTSD. About my life with the husband and kids and friends and everything in between. Thanks for tuning in.

SPEAKER_03 0:16

Hey everybody and welcome to Mad Mel's Mike Season 2 episode 23. Thanks for tuning in. Let's get this show started. Thanks again, everybody, for tuning in to another episode of Mad Mel's Mike. It feels actually kind of weird not doing an episode with Mel, but this is what my podcast is. It's mostly all about me, so that's what this episode is. But thanks for everybody for sending in your messages. It was very weird being interviewed and not knowing the questions, and now I know how my guests feel as well. So it was good, and I'm really proud of that episode.

Reframing PTSD With Gratitude

SPEAKER_03 0:55

I think what I'm most proud of is when I was asked if PTSD was a person, what would you say to it? And without thought or hesitation, I said thank you. And it's funny because when my sister listened to it, she had to re-listen to when I said thank you because she thought I was saying fuck you, which would also be very appropriate considering the circumstances of what it is. But no, it's something retrospectively that I can look back on and be oh, grateful is probably not the right word, but I'm going to use grateful for it because I have learned so much about myself during this process, and I've been given the opportunity to have this podcast, and I know that I'm helping people out there, so that that makes me thankful and grateful for what PTSD has given me. Don't get me wrong though, there's been moments in my journey where I certainly was giving it a big fuck you, but I think as I've grown through this, I've been able to look at the positives of it, and for me, the positives far outweigh the negatives, and that is something that I am thankful for and grateful for. Even when I look back at my time I spent as an inpatient as well, I don't look at that in a negative light. I I'm very positive about them, and I know that they have been instrumental on my recovery as well. And look, the low points have made me a stronger person as well. And I don't know, it's it's easy to get caught up in the well, poor me type thing, but I made a very conscious decision that I was going to beat this, and I know it's not something that you can beat per se, but it is something that is not the issue that it used to be, and for that I am very grateful and I'm very proud of what I have been able to achieve through this journey as well.

Song Of The Week Dream On

SPEAKER_03 2:52

So let's get into the song of the week, which is Dream On by Aerosmith. Let's have a listen. But what it says is that the past is gone, and that kind of makes me think of Zazu in The Lion King, where he hits Simba with the stick, um, and he says that yes, the past is gone, but the past can still hurt, and yes, the past can still hurt, and I think what's important is how we learn from those lessons that the past has taught us. And going back to what I was saying about um PTSD and being thankful for it, is that it has taught me so much, and I think with that song, it encourages me to dream on because there is life post-PTSD diagnosis, it's just about how you frame that in a way to make that work for you. PTSD isn't the end of the world, and there is light at the end of the tunnel, and we need to continue to put one foot in front of the other and be positive in our diagnosis as hard as that is, and it's it's been hard, and I have been had moments where I have wanted to give up and I wanted to say fuck you to PTSD, but seeing where I've come in the last five and a half years since my diagnosis, bloody hell, that's a long time, and it feels like it's flown. But then in the same instance, it feels like I've always had it, which I know isn't true. Um, so yeah, just just try and grab one positive thing out of your PTSD diagnosis, and it might be that you've met amazing people through different courses and programs and things like that, and that sense of community that you get from doing those things, and it could be as simple as that, and that's not simple because those things are so important in our lives, so yeah, um, dream on, but go hard with it, and that's what I'm doing with this podcast. I I literally had a thought nearly two years ago now, and thought, oh, I'm gonna start a podcast, and here we are. Like I'm recording my 23rd episode of season two, and that's incredible. And don't get me wrong, there's been times there it's like, oh, I need to record. Is this becoming a chore? And sometimes it does feel like a chore, but um I know that by me sitting down here and what it takes me 20 minutes and then another 20 minutes to listen to it and a couple of minutes of editing, so I haven't even lost an hour. Um, I know that I am reaching people that need to hear what I have to say, so for that I am thankful for and I am grateful for, and just those little messages that I receive

A Lesson In Self Talk

SPEAKER_03 6:36

as well. So I just want to tell you something that happened yesterday at church. I was there and I was catching up with a mate, and she started talking about how much weight I had lost, and she goes, Like, I haven't really noticed it, but you're quite slim now, there's not much of you, blah blah blah. And yes, I have lost a lot of weight, and this is not what this is about, but um I started to talk negatively about myself, saying, Yeah, I've lost a lot of weight, but my legs are like all flabby and certy lighty and stuff like that. And she looked at me and she goes, Please do not talk about my friend like that, and that stumped me. Please do not talk about my friend like that. I would never ever talk to a friend like that, in not in my life. Who cares if their legs are flabby and certy lighty? That doesn't make them. But what struck me was that if I wouldn't say that to somebody I cared about, why was I saying that about myself? And I think that's so important, like our negative self-talk. And it was just a flyaway comment, like, but it's something that obviously I care about, but but if I'm not gonna say it to somebody else, or even behind their back, which I would never do anyway, why would I be saying that about myself? And it just goes back to my whole catchphrase, really, be kind to yourself. And in those little moments, I'm not being kind to myself. I need to be positive and get that negative self-talk out. And whilst the negative self-talk isn't like it used to be, it still has that detrimental effect on our mental health, like just those little flyaway comments that I make about myself is not helpful in my everyday living, so that that really, really hit hard. And it's like, please do not talk about my friend like that. And look, I haven't spoken to her about it, and she probably doesn't even realize the the enormity of what she said to me at that time, and for her, it was probably just another little passing comment, but yeah, it certainly made me rethink what I was saying about myself. So thank you for saying that and making me aware that those comments like that do hurt, and it's not a conscious thing that it's hurting, but the the subconscious. So, yeah, just remember that each little word that you say, either internally or externally, does have that negative impact on you, and that's certainly a lesson that I need to learn as well.

Pickleball And Finding Community

SPEAKER_03 9:35

So, what else have I been up to these last sort of two weeks? Because I um didn't record solo by myself and obviously had the um interview questions with Mel. Um, Mel and I have been getting to pickleball once a week. I stand there like a lost sheep and move my hand occasionally to try and get a ball, which is really bloody hard because I'm so competitive, but I know that if I played even 30% of what I would normally do, I'm going to aggravate my knee again. So it's been very, very difficult, but it's been really nice socially to get back. And I know I've spoken on previous episodes about community, and like I only see these people maybe once, maybe twice a week pre-injury with my knee, but I don't know, it's nice to know that you were missed, um, and it's just nice to be around people who are enjoying the same thing as you. So um, we've been doing that on a Friday night again, which has been really, really good.

The Surprise Magic Show Night

SPEAKER_03 10:42

Mum and dad came to visit for a little while, and I am a bitch, and I am happy to admit it. We um I had booked tickets, so a while ago, mum had mentioned to me, oh Cosantino, the illusionist, for those who um don't know who he is, very, very good, was on I think Australia's got talent a while ago, and mum saw him there and fell in love with him. She said, made a flyaway comment saying, Oh, he's coming to Newcastle, or might get tickets, and mum being mum, I knew that she wouldn't actually buy the tickets at all. And then I um saw that he was actually coming to town, and so I bought tickets and um I said to mum and dad that I've got a surprise booked for you on the 28th of July. You need to come and stay for a few nights. Yep, no worries. Anyway, I kept the surprise, and then I sent her another message saying, Oh, just so you know, like mum, you need to wear a nice dress, and dad, you need to wear a suit. And mum's first response was, Well, I'm not coming, and I've gone, Yeah, I know that. Like, we were on a cruise um in Alaska a couple of years ago, and it was formal night, and we got these professional photos taken, and I'm in trackies and a hoodie. Um, none of us do formal nights, so um, it was quite funny to see her response. Anyway, um, she was trying to get into my sister to find out what they were seeing and stuff like that, but she was adamant we're seeing a show. And I'm going, yeah, okay, all right, right, I'll give you that. We're seeing a show. Um, but you get extra points if you tell me what show it is. And she goes, Oh, I've got no idea. Anyway, Rory was leaving for basketball on the Tuesday night, which is when we're going to go see him. And I teed up Rory. I said, I'll just make a slight comment as you walk out, like, I'll have fun at the hypnotist tonight. So Rory walks out the door and she goes, Oh, see you later, Pipper and Pop. Have fun at the hypnotist tonight. And I went, Rory, they still don't know yet. Like, and so we're playing along, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then mum goes, I'm not getting up on stage. She was adamant, I'm not getting up on stage. I'm going, Yeah, right. Anyway, so she starts freaking out. I think Dad was a little bit more clued on to think, Oh, this could be like a big G up. Anyway, so we went to the pub for dinner and Mel popped in. She couldn't stay for long, she was only there for about 20 minutes. And I had also teetered up with Mel that they were going to the hypnotist, and Mel felt bad. Anyway, so she's there chatting away and going, Oh, yeah, mum and dad went and saw him last night. He was really, really good. They got nearly everybody up on stage, and mum's having more of and more of a conniption. It was so funny. And then I went to the bar and got us all drinks and came back and they were still talking about it. And Mel said to me later, Oh, I felt so bad lying to your mum. Like they were asking questions when I was at the bar and stuff. I went, Oh, too funny. So, all by this stage, like we're probably only an hour until the show, and they still have no idea what they're seeing. So we walk up into the civic centre where the show is, and um, in the foyer they had a stand with all the merchandise, and mum looked at it and she looked at me and looked back at the merchandise and goes, Oh, are we seeing Constantino? And then she starts crying. I went, Oh my gosh! Like it was she was so excited, and I knew she would be so excited, and it was so worth keeping my mouth shut um just to see the joy that she got out of it. And she her and dad loved the show, which was awesome, and it was so totally worth it. So, if you can see Cosatino, um I would highly recommend it. There's a lot of um close-hand magic, but we were literally second row from the back in the nosebleeds, and the civic theatre in town isn't particularly huge, so it wasn't bad. But they had a camera um that was recording live, so and showed it on screen so you could actually see what was going on. But yeah, look, um,

Supporting Local Arts And Theatre

SPEAKER_03 14:37

I think it's important to uh continue to see Australian arts, um, and it doesn't need to be the massive big productions in Sydney, like I know they're showing the Lion King at the moment. Um, we we always go with a group from my book club to go see the local productions that are put on by Orange Theatre Company, um, and they're always a good night out, and these people are volunteers and they're working full-time and rehearsing three times a week. It's just incredible the amount of work that goes into these types of shows, and so if you can, um I would highly encourage you to go and see something. Um, there's so many different varieties of local shows and amateur productions, so you'll be able to find something that interests you.

Parenting Milestones And Future Travel

SPEAKER_03 15:28

So it was nice to have mum and dad here, they were here for about five nights. Um, but it is crazy to admit, but as of tomorrow, I am no longer. Wait, let me rephrase that. As of tomorrow, I will have one less teenager in my house. Mackenzie is turning 20, and that's insane. Like, I was such a baby when I had kids. I remember listening to a book, and I highly recommend it called I'm Not Mad Anymore by Bron Lewis, and she was talking about how she um had her first at 26, and she thought and referred it to as like a teen pregnancy because for her that was very young. I'm thinking, well, bloody hell, I was 22 when I had Kenzie, and um yeah, it's like I think it's nice. I don't regret my decisions at all, and I think having kids early has been great for us. Like we're now in our well, I'm early 40s, my husband's mid-40s. Um, but they're getting to the point where they're more independent, and Cliff's got his L's now, so in 12 months' time he's gonna have his P's and they're not gonna be reliant on us to drive them to and from places, and that just frees up life to go and travel. Um, so that's my intention to go and travel. Um the family don't know about it yet, and I'm happy to travel by myself.

Thought Of The Week How We React

SPEAKER_03 16:54

So um, before we wrap up, let's get into the thought of the week. Like every week where I have been recording by myself, I've been going to a book that was given to me by a beautiful nurse in hospital. Um, I don't know, she just is the backbone of the hospital, and she has been there for such a long time, and she always looks after um people in the hospital. And the book is called The Boy and the Mole, The Fox and the Horse by Charlie Maxie. And this week it is one of our greatest freedoms is how we react to things, and I think that's so important that we can be dealt a terrible, terrible hand, and if we react to it disgracefully or negatively, then that has a lasting effect on us. But if we can look at it with a bit of a positive spin on life, on what the circumstances were, then we will be able to grow within ourselves as well. Thanks for tuning in. Have a very good week and be kind to yourself.

SPEAKER_02 18:03

Thanks for tuning in to Mad Mail's Mike. I'm Melissa Smith, and I hope you've enjoyed listening. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram, and don't forget to like and follow. Have a great week and don't forget to be kind to yourself.