Intuitive Diaries

26: Mani’s Story: Leaving an Abusive Arranged Marriage & Breaking Generational Cycles

• Emily Marie • Episode 26

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0:00 | 1:21:09

Hello everyone! If you’re reading this you’re properly thinking the same as me, what an amazing episode title! 

I shared a gripping conversation with my friend Mani about her struggle of family conditioning, feeling confused with her identity and not having a voice. To shifting her mindset, finding her strength, understanding who she really is and rebuilding her life!


In this episode we talk about:

  • Religious and family conditioning
  • Punjab arranged marriage
  • Breakdowns and breakthroughs
  • Feminine suppression
  • Mindset and belief systems 
  • Ancestors
  • Spiritual awakening 
  • Fighting for a different way of life


This is an empowering conversation about how we can change our external reality and experience a completely different life when we question our belief systems and shift our mindset to strength and self worth.

If you'd like to find out more about Mani or would like to work with her, please follow her below:

Instagram: Pretty lil Adventures

Instagram: Devyne Mystyqa

Youtube: Devyne Mystyqa

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Join the community to get inspiring pep talks and empowering mindset reframes.

Want a deeper dive? Find me on:

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SPEAKER_02

Hi everyone and welcome back to Intuitive Diaries. Depending on which episode I put out first, this might be the first time that I'm introducing the podcast as Intuitive Diaries. Previously, it's been fresh perspectives, and I have absolutely loved that. But I feel that the topics and myself have evolved loads over the past six months. And I just can see now that every topic, every time I'm talking about a struggle, I also talk about my intuition. And it's just something that's really stood out to me. And the name Intuitive Diaries feels more fitting. And I can just see in the involvement and future, it is definitely going to fit the style more. So welcome to Intuitive Diaries. And this is going to be a really special episode with my friend Manny. We have known each other for years now through Claire's New Moon Circle. And she is on basically to tell her story with the sole intention to help other people. And I think that that's just incredible and amazing. So, Manny, welcome to the show. Thank you very much, Emily.

SPEAKER_00

It's a total pleasure to be here today.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, amazing. I'm so so glad you made it. Thank you for being here in person. I'd like to take this opportunity to say thank you as well for giving me a chance. Definitely. Thank you. Um, so first things first, I would love for you to just introduce yourself, talk a little bit about what you do, and then maybe just talk a little bit about your childhood background and the belief systems and the mindset that you had as a child before we get into the obstacle and the struggle that you want to talk about today. Sure, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00

I'm a mindset coach right now, so I'm helping others to reach or at least try and reach their self-actualization, whatever that may be. We're all on a different journey. So, yes, I'm a mindset coach at the moment, so that's something that I'm building behind the scenes, and I'm getting so much growth and um abundance from that. Um, the other times I um work full-time with a very hard-to-reach community, and I support them to also self-actualize, I suppose, um, to you know, um an ideal path that they feel that they can reach. It's very challenging, it can be quite chaotic, um, but the rewards are there. So I do achieve quite a lot of personal satisfaction from that. So, yes.

SPEAKER_02

Amazing, I love it. Thank you. So, I would love for you to talk a little bit about the struggle, uh, like what you want to talk about and open up and share with us today. But before that, I would love to talk about maybe where did little Manny, where does little Manny come in here, talk about the the childhood, and you don't have to go too deep, just a little bit about the mindset and the belief systems, maybe siblings, it could even be peers at school, that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00

Wow, what a journey that was, and you literally summed it up as well, Emily. Little Manny, because that's exactly how I felt. It was if I was to use a few words to sum up, you know, my my childhood, it would have been it was chaotic, it was toxic, traumatic. I didn't feel I existed. Um, I was torn between cultures of expectations, and I was also torn between my inner, you know, what I wanted for myself, because I knew that deep down there was something in there that was way bigger than what I was experiencing. So, as far back as I can remember, it started in very early childhood. I was the um the oldest grandchild, so automatically there was uh a lot of expectations, just by default. You know, I was in a born in a situation, born in a family where um there was a lot of expectations, and my little money couldn't handle that, it was far more than what I could deliver as I was growing up. Um, so and my father was also the oldest in his siblings amongst his siblings, and so was my mother. So there was quite a lot of expectations from them, and I feel like from as far back as I can remember, that I adopted those expectations from them because then I was also upholding their honour and their grace and their pride by default, um, which I didn't really from a contractual level, sole contractual level, maybe I did, I'm not sure, signed up for, but I found myself in that position. So there was a lot of expectations, Emily.

SPEAKER_02

I love what you just said about the soul contract because I've done that so many times. Um, for the audience, I believe that we all sign up for the struggles and the life that we lead today, and there's so much, there's been so many times where I look at a struggle and I'm like, did I really sign up for that? Like what the actual hell? But I do believe that it is something that we all signed up for, and our higher selves know exactly every single move, every single timeline, and it is all for our greatest good. We do not realize it in the moment, hell no. But then from a hindsight and like another perspective, when you're looking back, you I just see in my own timeline how everything fit perfectly together, and how my childhood, my peers, the experiences that I had built up to the person that I was, and how I broke through that mindset, and I really do feel grateful for it in a way, and yeah, I love the whole soul contract thing because I just feel like it also takes something off the table when you were like, actually, it's me. I signed up for this. Yeah, that life I we chose this life, we chose every step and we chose every experience, and it's hard to think that way. I'm not saying that everybody has to think like that, it's this is just my truth and what I have in my own head. But yeah, I feel for me, it makes me feel like okay, this is an experience that I chose to experience. Um, so yeah, I absolutely love that piece, and I would just love for the audience as well to talk about the religion that you had and that you were in back then, and then talk about those expectations as well, and maybe a little bit about teenagers as too, because I feel that my teenage years were so tough. Being a teenager anyway is tough, but yeah, I would love for you to maybe just talk to Tony a bit about that as well. Sure, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00

So I grew up in a very traditional Punjabi family. When it comes to religion, there was a bit of a tear, a contrast, because my there would there weren't any religious expectations from us because I don't think if I can remember that my parents um went to the temple often unless it was during um some special occasion or family celebrations or ceremonies. Um, but there was more of a way on the cultural expectations. So there was, I'm not sure you know whether it was an imbalance or a balance, um, but I did to some subliminal degree tap into my religious identity because I enjoyed going to the temple. I learned to read and write my language Punjabi in a temple, so I did get something from there. So I was around some form of meditation, I suppose, um, as I was growing up, and it gave me a bit of a base, so I did have a sense of belonging, even though it wasn't pushed forward from my family um as invasively as you know, may maybe some might experience. Um, but the culture, it was the cultural aspects that were very over, it was very there was a lot of weight on the cultural expectations of us. So I was like I said, the older sibling in the family, so there was there's an 11-month gap between me and my brother, and there's a 10-year gap between us and my sister, wow, and myself and my sister. So um I felt like automatically there was, and my cousins as well. Some of my cousins were a lot younger than me, and I felt like as I I needed, I suppose it was conditioning and um kind of shaping of how I was expected to be from a cultural perspective. Um, so I had to set the precedence. I always had that in my mind, and it was drummed into me as I was growing up that you know, it whatever you do is gonna have an effect on them. So be careful of how you live your life. How living your life is way later, but it's the thoughts that come into your mind. So it was very conditioned from a mindset perspective as well, Emily. So it was like be careful of how you think about your freedom, be careful of how you think about when you when someone knocks on the door, are you supposed to go and answer the door because you haven't got your scarf on? Things like that were maybe not mentioned, but I became conditioned to that type of feeling. So my wider circle was just my family, really. I wasn't allowed to step outside, I wasn't allowed to think about education. Money wasn't scarce, but I was conditioned to believe that it was. Because if I thought about money in abundance, then it would be that I'm thinking outside, I would be tapping into freedom because it's financial freedom. When you think about financial freedom, then you think about freedom, don't you? Because then you think about I can educate myself, I can run a business, I can this, I can that. So I was very conditioned to believe that yes, money is here, but you don't have that much access to it. So as I was working from the age of 16, um, I actually started working from the age of 14. I was working with my mom, so again, I was in a very controlled, constricted environment. So I went to work with her, I came back with her, and she was expected to expected to keep an eye on me, so I never kind of divulged um or thought outside of what I was conditioned to think.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you know, so you love that and scary. I love that piece about what you're talking about, the thoughts and the mindset that you're in. And do you feel that that the thought and the mindset is not coming from your own thoughts? It's a thought and mindset that it's expected, and then not coming from either coming from an outside person or an outside place, an outside community, outside force, yeah, as well.

SPEAKER_00

Because I mean it's giving me sh goosebumps now to think about how I survived my journey. Um, but yeah, it was it was it was everything was controlled, and I thought at that time, kind of reflecting that if I thought about something that was outside the expected norm of the family, then I'm being bad to myself, I'm not being um faithful to myself, I'm not being faithful to my family, I'm not honouring the culture and the the environment that I'm being brought up in. And it was chaotic as well because it wasn't consistent because I feel like as if the way I was being treated was different to the way the male members of my family, my siblings were being treated, but you know, as far out as my my cousins. So there was a very conf, there was a lot of confusion. I sometimes didn't know where I stood.

SPEAKER_02

I love what you just said about it not being you felt like it's not being equal. What do you feel that that imprinted in you?

SPEAKER_00

Um, a fragmented sense of identity, I guess. Um, I didn't know how I was supposed to feel as a woman if I wanted to study um and enter education. How was I supposed to feel as a woman if I wanted to do have feminine energy menstruation? It was a very hidden concept. You know, I was being treated like a female, but then I wasn't allowed to express as a female when I was going through my changes. It was all suppressed, very suppressed, um chaotic upbringing.

SPEAKER_02

And I want to go back to the piece that you were talking about, your religion, because I love what you said, and I feel that because I was brought up Catholic, how uh there's always a balance, and there's always good and bad that you can take from situations. Like I loved being brought up Catholic, like you said, you got loads out of it. You know, you meditation is absolutely amazing for me. It was believing in something bigger than yourself, and that is what I took from being uh raised Catholic, and I loved that whole feeling, and I did like going to church. I felt very in awe when I walked into church. I could feel there was a different energy going into church, and I did feel lighter, and I got like a lot from it. Prayer, I love prayer, um, and I feel that that really goes into just setting intentions. You know, there's a lot that you can take from all kinds of experiences, and religion definitely has its place in the world as well. So I absolutely love what you said there. Um, so yeah, I would love for you to just go in a little bit deeper. So we're like moving through the story now and maybe talk about the struggle and the obstacle that you're here to talk about.

SPEAKER_00

As religion, yes. So I think from a soul travel perspective, I felt I felt like that the the temple was my safe haven, it was where I felt safe, it wasn't chaotic, um, it wasn't toxic, there were no expectations from me. I could be who I wanted to be. I felt like I had a sense of identity, but even then I feel like that that was very controlled as to because my parents didn't practice their religion much. Um, so it was you go in there to learn how to read and write Punjabi, and it was restricted, so but it was taking me back to my soul purpose. Going there made me realize that I had something bigger and deeper within me that eventually I didn't know at the time, became unlocked. I love that. That was a struggle to want to go to the temple, but there's it's there's a time and a place for those things as well. So yeah, that's where I say when um I say it was very toxic.

SPEAKER_02

So you go into the temple, you love the safe environment, and you're starting to maybe think and question more about your identity. Like, who is money? Who am I? Who what do I actually resonate with? And then maybe talk a little bit more after that.

SPEAKER_00

So as I was growing up into a teen into my teenage life, wow, now that was super colourful because it it became very uncomfortable and confusing for me because I was now being conditioned towards marriage, children, in-laws, you know, expectations, but also being at the same time Emily being given false um hopes because I always wanted to be educated, I always wanted to enter, I wanted to be a doctor as I was growing up. I wanted to be a doctor, and it was like, no, no, no, it's fine. You know, you can have those thoughts um and those expectations of yourself, but you know, you can do it when you get married. Wow. So it was being conditioned now, like be quiet, shut up. Yeah, yeah. We don't want to hear it, but go and live your best life when you get married.

SPEAKER_02

And when you say education, do you mean um higher education? So, like university, college, that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, my um primary education, my secondary education was very tapped into. I wasn't expected to come home and do my homework. Oh, wow, because that was then taking me out of my um their comfort zone, I suppose, if you if you look at it that way. Um, but yeah, university, going on to higher education, college, and so forth.

SPEAKER_02

And maybe actually just you choosing your path, because when you go to college and when you go to university, you choose your course and you choose your life, basically.

SPEAKER_00

And I thought that they would be proud of the fact that I'm having these conversations about my options, you know, my about my GCSC grades, what am I expected to get if I wanted to go onto the medical, um, the medical path. And it was like, no, no, we don't need to be thinking about that now. Let's worry about that later when you get married, kind of thing. Now, looking back, it was it was all part of a plan, it was all part of the conditioning, um, and and and the shaping of the personality that they wanted to portray to the world, yeah, who I am.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, so the mindset is basically just getting you ready to get married and also priming your brain to be like, you're just gonna get married, and you know, that's it basically.

SPEAKER_00

And for my path to be with my family for their for it to be as smoothly as possible for them, so that once I'm shipped off, then it I'm no longer a concern. And it's really difficult to live with that feeling because then where do you belong? You know, who loves you? I always thought that who actually genuine loves you because if you're not getting it from home, then am I gonna get it from my in-laws, am I gonna get it from my husband, am I gonna get it from my my future? Because if I'm spending 16 years of my life looking for it, 18 years, I was 18 when I got married. So if I'm spending my younger years, 18 years looking for it, what guarantee is there that I'm gonna get it in the next 18 years after 18? So I was always searching, you know. So it Emily, it never came. I don't feel it ever came, to be honest. I think the the if I'm just fast-forwarding a little bit, then I think it came when I bought it to myself.

SPEAKER_02

100%. I love that you said that because it is our inner world that affects our external world. Yeah, um, and I feel that you get more satisfaction, like when you actually do feel it inside, when you do have a shift of either a shift of belief or mindset or identity, and then you do feel it inside, and then you watch your external change afterwards. So I just I love I know that you knew that anyway, but I love that you said that. Um, and just to go back to the piece about marriage, when you say shipped off, do you mean that you got married and then you had to go to another country? Into another town, into another town, okay.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but I felt shipped off because I had no local connections there. I didn't even know how to spell the name of the town. I never heard of it until you know it was proposed to me. Um, you know, I met my husband to be for five minutes, ten minutes with my family around. So we never had our private time for me to ask him, what do you want? What are you expecting from a marriage? Things that I would I would expect of myself now. Um, and it was all very conditioned and controlled and planned, and it was like, yeah, so I was told, um, you can say no if you want to, but we are expecting you to say yes to this proposal kind of thing. I mean, luckily, you know, I felt good because I felt like he's modern, you know, he I can make this work. And in the back of my mind, Emily, I did have he's gonna let me go to university because that was on the forefront of my mind all the time. I did eventually end up going to university, yeah. But I had to fight for that. That didn't come easy, that was a massive battle as well.

SPEAKER_02

And when you're going through this, so say you are meeting this person for the first time, you're saying it's a very controlled family situation, it feels like you still. Still do have a choice, but then the choice is, you know, it's it's conditioned. You do have a choice, but we would prefer you to do this.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, because if you say no, Emily, then it's like you're breaking a heart, you're dishonouring the family, it's not what girls do. You know, if we've picked this person for you, then we've looked at your best intentions and we've done all the mapping behind the scenes. So this decision cannot be wrong for you. So we're expecting you to say yes. And that's very subliminal, it's be beneath the surface. So without them saying, Well, you better say yes, it's you know you're gonna have to say yes.

SPEAKER_02

It's also good communication because if you tell someone, I don't want you to do that, the first thing you know, like you tell a little child, don't do that, the first thing they're gonna do is do it because of the law of focus. You've told someone, don't do that, and then the first thing that they're gonna do is fight for it. But if you say in a really like that is great communication to be like, you do have a choice, however, this you know, it's um put in a way that you feel like you've got a choice, but you know, the choice has already been made for you subliminally, so yeah, it's a clever way. It is very, very clever, and I would love for you to go back to that moment. And did you have like any intuition pings? Like, what were your actual feelings throughout that? Did you have like an underlying intuition or feeling ping that like had throughout that moment?

SPEAKER_00

You go into a fantasy mode because you've not had it from home, you know, the love that you're looking for, the respect and the trust and the honesty. So you go into a fantasy mode and you think, well, you know, I'm gonna get it from these new people that can enter my life. Maybe I'm coming out of the frying pan into something brand new that is gonna be the making of me. So you start, it's it becomes a figment of my it was a figment of my imagination because I started thinking about being loved. That was my basic human need is to feel loved. Um, I had I started mapping my life, how it's gonna be. Um, you know, that I'm I'm I'm gonna have a lot of respect, I'm gonna be able to study, you know, and you know, and so forth. You know, that's there was a whole imaginary plan that I had for myself. It was if I come back to surface level, if I come back to human level again, that's so that's my my visions. So if I'm coming back to my into my body, then it was like it was so the time that I met my in-laws to the the time that I married my husband, it was there was a four-month gap. Wow. So that it was like up the ante type of situation. It's like right now we got what we wanted. Let's fast as do it, let's just ship around for it. And it was um, so my I remember my wedding outfit being chosen for me, it was picked for me. So I it was it was it was as crazy as that. Okay, I'm doing exactly what you want me to do. At least let me pick my wedding outfit or my jewelry, at least, but no, it wasn't, it was still, it was very it became very much because now I was I don't I'm not sure. Maybe now I became a threat to my family. Maybe they thought, right, so she's engaged to be married, so in between that time, we don't want nothing to go wrong. I wasn't allowed to talk to my husband to be. Wow, no, there was no contact. I spoke to I couldn't speak to his female family members, um, but there was no contact between me and him, and I was given a photo, it was actually quite a gorgeous little photo of him that I was given. This is this is what you have, and then I was he was given one of mine, and that's how the four months panned out. So it was very busy, it was very chaotic. Um, as you would, you know, when you're planning a especially it was an Indian wedding, it was it was mad, and it was literally like the rug was taken out from under my feet. It's like I had less of a say in things um than I did before the engagement.

SPEAKER_02

So you're having less of a say in things, but your brain is always there to keep you safe, it's always there looking for evidence to keep you safe, and it's looking for feedback to keep your belief systems that actually, once I get married, everything will be okay afterwards. So you're like visualizing and picturing like the perfect marriage, you'll yes, you'll be uh able to go to university afterwards, everything will be okay after. So your brain is literally just trying to keep you safe in a situation where it knows that you, you know, it's it's not safe and that you you haven't got control and you haven't got those choices. So again, it's really interesting that you say that because it is all to do with the mind, just thinking like what you were saying before, like a fantasy world, and just trying to pick out these things that could happen to make you feel safe in the moment.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it was um it the whole thing was very premeditated, but I think the fantasy world was what kept me safe and kept me going. That was my survival kicking in, definitely constantly reminding me it's gonna get better, it'll be fine, you know, you've got a future ahead of you, it'll work out. So that was what kept me going. And if I look back now, I think that's what's all that's what's kept me alive, is is the survival and being able to kind of go within yourself and go into your little fantasy world to keep you safe because you're safe there. Nobody can get into that. That's just you and your mind.

SPEAKER_02

Your mindset is like that's everything that helps you with absolutely every you can get through any situation, any struggle, any obstacle with your mindset. I love it. So I would love for you to talk about the marriage, like or we could talk about the actual wedding day as well.

SPEAKER_00

Just take it back a little bit, of course. So um this has been it it kind of came to the forefront of my mind. So the birds and the bees got married. So that was the pep talk. I'm not gonna say who it was that delivered it to me, um, but it was that um just don't say no to anything. Wow. So that was my birds and the bees advice that I was sent off with. It's just don't say no.

SPEAKER_02

Wow, so it's it's not tapping into into your intuition, it's not what you want, it's not about your pleasure, it's not about expressing yourself. No, it's just do whatever this person wants. And I put that on board. You would do, you would put on board you're young, and anyone would do the same, like you know, you're young, and you've also been your brain has been primed to not really make your own choices and to just go with the flow. And every like I have had this in my experience as well that you look to your elders, you look to other people to make those decisions for you because it's very primed as a child. Um, so yeah, I'm totally, totally with you there. Like, but yeah, that's that is that's crazy.

SPEAKER_00

It's crazy, and I feel like as if that person was particularly selected to deliver that to me because I don't think if I look back that my mother could have said that to me. Wow, because she would have gone through a similar journey and so forth if you if you're going back on your your an ancestral ladder. So I think that whoever delivered the message, it was it was again it was very premeditated and super pre-selected.

SPEAKER_02

Do you think if your mother did it, she would have said something different?

SPEAKER_00

Um there would have been a lot of physical affection. Maybe she might have said that in a roundabout way, but it wouldn't have been as invasive, it wouldn't have been like a horror story that I would have gone into my next life with. Um, it would have been a there would have been a lot more compassion because my mom, I feel like she sat in the back on the back seat, because that was her place, you know. Um so I think she wouldn't have been able to be as cold, especially on that journey, because she would have shared the same experience. Yeah. So she would have known, she knows how scary it would have been, and and um going into the unknown and the oblivion. So she would have had a lot more compassion, I think. And I I and the fact that I'm saying that now, I feel like I have a lot of respect for her and her journey, and the knowing that that's how my mother would have handled it. Yeah, cool.

SPEAKER_02

And that brings me a lot of peace within my heart, I think. Definitely, and also your mother would have gone through the exact same conditioning, the exact same thing. So I would love for you to talk more about the wedding day, the marriage.

SPEAKER_00

So it wasn't my wedding day, I was just a bystander. I felt like I was out of my body, to be honest, that day, because it was nothing to do with me, it was a facade, you know, it was it was beautiful, don't get me wrong.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, obviously, my dog just had a little bit of a bark off with someone outside. So we'll we'll take it back to what you were saying. And he was saying have a break. Yeah, he was, he was. I think he was just rooting for you, man. He's like, Oh, bless him. I know. So I would love for you to go back to the wedding day, how you felt like it just wasn't your day, like you're basically the spectator to your own body, just going through this experience.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it was like an out-of-body experience. I was watching from above the whole day unfold. Looking back now at the time, I didn't understand that that's what I was experiencing. But that's I suppose it's part of trauma, isn't it? Really? It's part of the survival mechanism that kicks in that you can't handle it from a human perspective. So let's take you out and let you just watch the story unfold. And that was exactly how it was because I remember sitting in the temple and I felt like everything was echoing around me. So I don't know whether it was the adrenaline kicking in to get me into that survival mode for my body for my for my spirit to leave my body so that I can watch from here. Um, but it was like organized chaos. If I was to put it, yeah, if I was to sum it up, it was a very emotionally organized chaos. There was there was there was rituals that I didn't understand, there was um pretense, there was a lot of pretense. It is so sad for me to say that because it was my wedding day, yeah, and I didn't want it to be like that. Um, hell no, I wouldn't do that now. I wouldn't do it that way now. I know so much and too much. Um but it was draining emotionally, physically, spiritually, in every aspect. It was very draining.

SPEAKER_02

I love what you've just said because it's like your body talking to you, you know, when you feel drained, when you feel like that emotion, it's like your body screaming at you, your nervous system screaming at you.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't have any contact on my wedding day with my um in-laws, it was all about the family. Um, there wasn't any contact with my husband on the day, other than through the rituals that we were expected to kind of uphold, I guess. Um and it was just a total oblivion. I wasn't even there. And I remember, oh, I remember leaving. So when I was when I was leaving my my home, um my sister, I remember my sister being very emotional, and she was only 10. Oh and I was 18, 19, so she was about 10, and she was holding on to my dress, and she wouldn't let go, and she was because I literally I would say that I helped my mum to bring her up, and um by the way, she's very confident and she's very outspoken, so I think that's down to me.

SPEAKER_02

Your influence a little bit.

SPEAKER_00

So, yeah, so she was crying profusely. I didn't have any emotions. Um I'm expected to cry because I'm leaving my loving family home, and that's so sad. I didn't cry.

SPEAKER_02

I I didn't cry. Maybe you're just so disconnected from your body, shut off that your body's probably protecting you from understanding what's actually going to happen and what's happening in the moment, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So tears from my sister, and I remember driving. So I got married in Coventry, by the way. Okay, so when you shipped off to Coventry, so isn't that where the naughty people go? That's what I got told later on. I don't think I was naughty, but I was, yeah, I got I went to Coventry to live in Coventry, and I remember driving. Well, obviously, I was in the back seat. I was we were we were on our journey, I didn't say anything. That was the time for me to speak to my husband. You know, how are you? How do you think today went? You know, I'm like so excited about our life ahead of us. There was nothing, Emily. Wow, I didn't speak. I remember going through a tunnel though, and I still remember it today, so I don't know whether it's a flashback. So I remember going through a tunnel um off the ring road as we entered um Coventry, and it was all it was just a tunnel that had lights on either side, and I felt like I was so far away from home, and I felt like where have I gone? How far is it? It's only like half an hour away. But still, but it was like it felt like I was going, I couldn't come back. So that was the feeling. Once I'm gone through the tunnel, it's like a no way back journey, and I remember having that feeling thinking I'm so I'm I I can't go back.

SPEAKER_02

It's like a metaphor, isn't it? You're going through the tunnel and you don't you're going into a land where you don't know and you don't know how to come back, and you can't get back. I can't get back, and I couldn't. No, and that that's just exactly how it was. Yeah, I couldn't come back. You're young, you don't know the town, you don't even know your husband, you don't know the the people around you, and also you've been primed to not make choices and not speak up and speak out. So that must have been such a scary situation for you. Um, did your husband talk to you in the car, or is that silent as well? No, silence.

SPEAKER_00

Because I think looking back, I think he was in a similar situation as me. Of course, yeah. It was all conditioned for him as well, and I do feel sorry for that. And looking back now, um it would have been super scary for him as well, and not understanding. He didn't know nothing about me. I didn't know nothing about him, I didn't know we didn't know anything about anything, you know.

SPEAKER_02

It's just mad when you think about it, isn't it? Really?

SPEAKER_00

It's not how weddings and marriage are supposed to be. No, or weddings are supposed to be, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02

Your your big days, your big day, and it's a union of two souls who love each other, a sacred one, definitely. And how are you meant to know the soul that you're getting married to if you never you know connected, spoken a word? Um, yeah, that is it's a crazy situation.

SPEAKER_00

And it's funny, you should say that as well, Emily, because I did never ever got to know his soul. Wow, and he never got to know mine. How long were you married for? I was with him for 14 years. What a conditional flame. Wow, yeah. 14 years. We've got two beautiful children, as every sort. Um, but yeah, that is crazy, and it's a really a separate podcast. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Would you like to go into the dynamic of the marriage? Would you say it was unhealthy? Would you say it was healthy? Did you evolve as a person throughout the marriage or did your mindset stay the same? It was toxic.

SPEAKER_00

Um I think we're not supposed to feel love growing up in an Asian family. That's that was my belief at the time. Um, so we we I didn't I didn't get the love now. There was a lot of expectations, new expectations. Now I am the daughter-in-law in the family, the only daughter-in-law in the house. You know, I've got sister-in-laws who are now gonna look up to me all over again. So this is just history repeating itself now. It's like how you are as a daughter-in-law in this house is how your sister-in-laws are gonna behave when they get married, so set the presidence, please. So keep a scarf on your head, you know, don't look up, don't say no. Don't look up, don't look up. So you're not supposed to give eye contact to the elder male family members. Um, I was I was where did that come from? I I think subliminal conditioning, I guess. And I didn't, I I never looked at my brother in older brother-in-laws and my father-in-law in their eyes, like I didn't give them face-to-face contact. It was always like lower, and I took the instructions. The dominant person in that family was my mother-in-law, bless her, you know. Um there wasn't there was there's there was um how do I put this? It was very toxic. The feminine energy in that household was very toxic. So I was again super confused because you're the daughter-in-law, there's expectations, you're setting the precedence. They're gonna look up to you one day, but then there were role models that I could say, I needed a role model, it's not gonna come out of thin air. Now I know it does, yeah, but at that time it wasn't gonna come out of thin air, so I was gonna look up to my mother-in-law to learn from her to be who I needed to be for my sister-in-laws and so forth, and maybe eventually my daughter. So there was a lot of confusion. I I again I lost even more sense of my identity. I had less to begin with anyway. Now I had even less.

SPEAKER_02

Wow, and then throughout that, like, did you have pings of intuition at all throughout that, or was the conditioning so intense that you weren't tapped into your intuition at all?

SPEAKER_00

Was it completely disconnected? Because now I had no support from my family because it was toxic, and then they knew it was toxic because I was talking to them about it, saying I'm not happy here, it's not working out, I don't understand myself, you know, there's abuse, um, there's violence, um, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing. So there was no support from there, and then there was no support from there. So I was basically I was just existing, even less than what I was before. I became a mother during that period. So, again, there was no guidance of how I'm even though, like I said, you know, soul traveling, a lot of it was intuition. So, I did give my daughter, I feel like while I was expecting her a really good healthy start because I was very healthy, um, mind, body, and soul. I think by default, but it wasn't within my human body, it was within my spiritual body that I was getting that information to be who I needed to be. Um, but from a human perspective, it was there was no guidance, I couldn't get the information from my mum, couldn't get the information from my mother-in-law, and so forth. So I was just I was a mum with no guidance, no manual, no script, nothing. And I think it was the same for my husband because he didn't know what he needed to do as well, because he was in the same boat as me, more or less.

SPEAKER_02

He's following his own script that he's been seen and you know, conditioned as well. So, yeah, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_00

And he knows his mum more than me, so he knew that that wasn't gonna come. That information that I needed to give my child a start in her life wasn't gonna come from her at all. Wow. So that was and then I had two children, so it was my son was born soon after. Um, and then I just existed. Really? So I was busy bringing them up. I wasn't allowed to work, which is uh totally against my existence. You know, I I wanted to feel independent, I wanted to go back to univers, go to a further education, I wanted my children to look up to me. You know, my mom's educated, my mom's. Independent, my mum's financially free, even though I'm using those words now, they had no meaning at that time because I never experienced it.

SPEAKER_02

You never heard those words. Like, yeah, I can I completely, completely see that, and I understand because I only heard those words like in my 30s, and like abundance, excuse me. What you know, like, yeah, it was like, whoa, like being self-aware. I had no idea what self-development in a work actually was, and you only know what you know. Yeah, you know, if you've never been exposed to something, how are you meant to experience it? So that's crazy that you you feel trapped there, you're just existing, you have no support, you have no guidance. Did you say that you did get to go to university? I did, yes. But it was a battle.

SPEAKER_00

A lot of conditions that were attached to it. But if I if I if I just go back a little bit, course, my I think my mother-in-law now, so there's my mum who's had a similar upbringing, went through the same path that I went through. Now my mother-in-law's also experienced the same, so now I'm in another situation, another household where my the female that I'm supposed to be looking up to was also broken, was also brought up the same way, experienced the same dynamics as me. So there was if I'm looking at it from an ancestral perspective, then my daughter's coming into this. So it's it's automatically by default, it's gonna get passed on. Definitely. Yeah, so university, I guess. Yes, I did fight for my freedom in the 14 years that I was in that relationship, in that marriage for. Um, so I didn't work, but there was times when I did, and there was things that were taken from me as a punishment for going to work, like my car was removed because where I was working from home was quite a distance, but I fought life and limb. I walked to work. Wow, money. It took me two hours, an hour and a half to walk. I walked to work because now I'm I'm gonna have to survive this. You know, that it came to a point where I felt like if you don't do something now, then you never will because now your children are growing up and they're looking at you. They're you're their role model, so you've got to be that fighter, you've got to be that smart person. So, yeah, take the car, take the house, take the money. I'm still gonna carry on doing what I need to do because I was getting closer to my sole purpose.

SPEAKER_02

I absolutely love that you've just said that. And what made you think, you know what? No, I do want to work. Actually, I don't care, I will walk, I'll walk two hours because that had to have some kind of shift in belief system or mindset for you to really change and to fight for something that you've never had before and you've never experienced, as in like your mum had never had that before, it had never been shown to you. So, do you remember like a point where you just was like, actually, no, this does not feel right? What was the point that made you fight for something different?

SPEAKER_00

It was if I don't do it now, then I will never ever do it because my children are growing up, they're looking at me, they're watching me, they're understanding me. I have to be, I have to be, it was drumming from the beginning. It was drumming to me from the beginning. Like all these cousins are gonna look up to you. Now my children are gonna look up to me, you know. Now I'm in control, I can do something about this. I was a very broken person at that time, Emily. So going to work, fighting against the odds, not having a car was not easy. I was breaking down at work, and I'm so I was so lucky. I had a very super understanding boss who understood the dynamics of my journey, and he allowed he accommodated that. And it's okay to break down, just do your breaking down. You got five minutes. I didn't even have five minutes before. So you've got five minutes, have your breakdown, put your face on, and then face your job. That's what you gotta do. But he got me through, and I see him as someone who was my empowerment.

SPEAKER_02

Really love that, and also you manifested that person in your life. You manifested someone who was going to empower you and be like, it's okay, take a breather, and then go do your thing.

SPEAKER_00

You do what you need to do, you're in survival mode, you know, you can do it. It was like almost like you can do it. I understand we have broken, little broken money, a little bit less broken because I was now stepping into what I can do rather than what I'm expected to do, and it was, yeah, you can do this, you can do this. And my colleagues were very understanding as well. I love that. So I was I was surrounded by I think a good energy, the best it could be at the time.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I love that, and I love that what you were saying about you've been conditioned that everybody is going to be looking up to you, but then you just had this moment where you actually like your mindset changes, and you're like, actually, yes, everybody is going to look up for to me. So I actually am not gonna go along with this. I actually, yes, I've got children now and they are gonna be looking up to me, so I am gonna be different instead of just going along, and instead of going along with this conditioning, I am going to do something for myself and to be different and to stand up to this. I think that that is absolutely amazing. I love me, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00

Through this journey, Emily. My um my husband wasn't supportive, he was somewhat supportive when it suited him. Um, so that was they were little stepping stones for me that I thought, if I've rather than have nothing, I've got something, so let's work on something that I have, and they were kind of my little guidance stones that I used to get where I needed to be. My daughter was actually born awake, so she was a compass for me of where I she was she was guiding my path. I have to put that out there. You know, she was she was she was born awake and she was into her crystals. I didn't understand what crystals were, so as far as back as she comes, she was still in a pushchair, she was drawn to crystals, and then I had my little escapism coming through. Then I was getting the energy from the crystals, her crystals, and I was getting energy from her little spells because she came into this world. I think also she chose me, of course, just like I chose my mum. Yeah, she also chose each other a hundred percent. So she chose me, she knew I needed something to bring me back to life.

SPEAKER_02

She was like, let me tap in, let me tap in. Yeah, yeah, I need to go in there now. Like she needs boosting.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so yeah, so she was born into she was born into my life um as my saviour, as my guardian angel, my spirit guide, because the energy that came from the crystals, the going out to the shop secretly buying little um spell books, because I was thinking I was kind of living through her as I was don't forget, I'm still a child here, I'm still a baby, and she's a baby, so she's only one, and I'm 19, 20, maybe by that time, and so she's buying the crystal. We're buying the crystals, it was a big secret of a life that we had, so it was our little witchy circle that we were kind of manifesting but also growing from, and I think looking back now, that was my awakening point. So I set myself up um while I was working to just build a little bit of confidence, and then she was guiding me along.

SPEAKER_02

I love that you said that that was your awakening. It was. Can you think like the mindset that you had before? And then when you did have that awakening, do you remember like a moment or was it over a period of time? It was all my life, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It was all my life that I was broken, and then the awakening was like an aha moment. It was like every time the car was taken from me for me to get to for me to get sorry, for me not to get to work, it was like do it, just do it. I love it, I love it, do it. Yeah, I want to see more. I want to see you, how far you can break me down and how far I can carry on building myself up. And the energy was coming, it was entering my body, it was coming. I don't even know where it was coming. Now I know where it was coming from, but at that time it was like an aha moment. It's like, no, no, no, no, no, this is not how it's meant to be, and I'm only 30, so we're very young still. Oh, definitely. When all this was coming through to its full potential, we never full potential, but at that time where it needed to be. So I was only coming up to I was in my late 20s.

SPEAKER_02

I love how the taking away of the car was that was done and it was meant to break you down, but what it was doing was actually building you up more. It was exposing me.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it was the layers were coming off. It's like, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna now hang you. What are you gonna do? Do you know what I mean? It was like, no, bring it on. I want to see how far I can push myself, and ultimately was how far I was pushing them. You know, the more they wanted to break me, the more I was coming through.

SPEAKER_02

And maybe more the belief systems that you had maybe changed as well, because now you're looking for new ways, you're thinking more for yourself. You're actually okay, you can take that car, but what can I do? I can walk to work. Like you're thinking more outside the box, you've got different belief systems. So now your brain is going to look for new solutions and look for new evidence of your new belief system to be true. Yeah, absolute potential.

SPEAKER_00

I love it. Absolute potential because I was pushing myself to my full potential. It was fine, it was absolutely fine coming through.

SPEAKER_02

I love it. What was the moment that obviously this marriage ended?

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Um what was that moment or any experiences leading up to the end of this experience of this marriage?

SPEAKER_00

So going back to college at the age of 28 months, um, achieving my qualification, absolutely surprising myself. So just to share, um, I left school with a ungraded maths um qualification. So it was literally like not you didn't even turn up type of thing, yeah. And then coming and then achieving a grade A. Wow. After going back into education because I needed that as part of my university degree. So coming up coming out with an A. It was like, wow, really? You know, you're understanding the patterns of numbers, you're understanding the geometrics, it's all a sequence. I tapped into that, and that was another awakening.

SPEAKER_02

So, like, you can do it, and understanding that you can do anything that you set your mind to. So you're like, actually, I'm I am going to do this, and having this mindset and this belief, like, actually, yes, I can, yes, I can, and I will, and I will.

SPEAKER_00

And it was like constantly being reminded, Nana, you you you're not, you're not, you're thick, you're stupid, you're not gonna do it, it's not gonna happen. You're just living in a fantasy world, you know. I was constantly being reminded of that, not maybe so much in words, but through actions. It's like there was a laughing, I felt like that there was sniggering behind my back when I was, you know, I was I was back in education and stuff, yeah. And then following on from that, I went and did another qualification, so I graduated in psychology. Um, so I did my psychology A level again. I passed with flying colours, and then that set me up for university. But they were super, super, super happy when I didn't get my my place at uni, really, it was like I had to wait a whole year. So um, so I did my psychology A level first, passed, and then I tried to apply to uni, but that's when they picked up my maths and said you've got to go back and reset your maths, and and then that's when I passed with an A. And then that got me. So that one year of that time was like, Yeah, yes, C, you know, you can't do it. The university down the road is isn't even accepting you in, kind of thing. And I did eventually get into the university down the road. I love it. I did, I love it, and then it was um, it was like conditions. I was like, that's fine. If you're gonna go to university, that's fine, go study if that's what you want to do. Nothing's gonna come of it, um, but you've got to carry on working, and I want the bills covered. So that's the condition that was attached to it. So now I've got two teenage kids coming up to teenage, and I've got a place in university, and then all of a sudden it's no, no, no, no, no one's gonna finish, even though I got a full student grant. It was like, no, you we I'm expecting you to pick up the bills. So I had two jobs while I was studying in university. Wow. So I had two jobs, two teenagers, and three years to achieve this degree.

SPEAKER_02

And also, everyone around you trying to put you down. Oh, absolutely. So no support. I mean, the mindset that you would have been in to just push through all of that and have people around you that can't wait for you to fail, but your mindset is like, hell no, I am going through this and I am doing it. Like it's almost like watch me energy. Do you know what I mean? Like, watch me do this.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I love it. So your ego was kind of waking, it was kicking me in because it was putting me into survival mode and needed my ego to stand by me at that time, so yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

I love it, and then what happened when you actually did get the degree? You know, when you actually did get that final third year and you passed. I'm leaving.

SPEAKER_00

Was that what it was? It was I'm leaving, so the abuse, um, there was it was amplified, mental amplified. I was very displaced because now I'm a graduate. Undergraduate. Is it undergraduate? Yes, undergraduate. So now I have a personality, I have got the potential to be financially abundantly free. I can think along those lines. So it was like very, very uncomfortable for them, and it was it's like we're losing the clutches, so the it was amplified, his abuse was you're you're not following the narrative anymore.

SPEAKER_02

No, so that screams like okay, we can't control her anymore, so she is a threat to what we have as well. Um, and I'm sure that there was probably other people that were secretly like, go man, do you know what I mean? I mean, yeah, I mean, even your husband, he probably thought, wow, she actually did it. Like, I think I can just intuitively see that there's definitely respect for you underneath all the mental abuse. Absolutely. They're probably just very sorry for their own lives and that they have accepted you know, all the conditioning and everything that you went through, and deep down the like fair play.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely. When I graduated, I I wrote a script um as part of my speech um for what you know for the ceremony, and I thanked all my abusers. And that was so you know, the premeditation, it was like I learned this from you guys. I learned how to be pre-meditated and switched this up on to you guys.

SPEAKER_02

I learned the mental games from you.

SPEAKER_00

So thank you for that lesson, thank you for that lesson, and thank you, you names were mentioned for the journey because I couldn't have done this without you. If you didn't abuse me as much as you did, I wouldn't be here today. And I loved it. So I was on my pedestal and like the door.

SPEAKER_02

Give me the microphone, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I love it, yeah, and the transformation was coming through. It wasn't easy, but it was coming through.

SPEAKER_02

I love that sense of empowerment, I love the whole story, and then I can just feel that the whole mindset has shifted right towards the end. It's like actually, I believe in myself. It's like throughout your whole life, there hasn't been belief or choice in yourself because that has been conditioned in into you, and then towards the end of this degree, you're getting more and more. Actually, I trust myself, I believe in myself, and like your whole reality is kind of like crashing around you in a good way because you know that you're going to rebuild to new foundations that are going to be aligned with the new belief systems and the new mindset that you've got. Yeah, I absolutely love it, Mandy. Absolutely. Do you want to talk about like where you are now? So just for the audience to hear, it would be amazing to be like, okay, that happened to her. Wow. Where is she now? That would be even more empowering for people to hear. Wow.

SPEAKER_00

So this is 20 years on now. Not giving away my age. So 20 years on, so I've done it. I feel like as if the path has been quite lonely. You know, I've had to shed a lot of people, I've had to shed a lot of friends, people that I've loved, people that I've grown up with, um, but I've acquired new people into my life. But if I'm coming from myself, I feel like I'm on a different dimension. I was actually designed to step into that dimension, but then that had to come as part of a carving. My old self wouldn't have been able to survive in the new dimension because I needed to know more, I needed to understand more, see more, smell more, touch more, see more, you know, hear more, taste more. All my buds were in action, and I felt like that that needed to happen, and it took me. I would say the best part of the 20 years would be the last eight years. The best part would be the last eight years when I've literally gone on a different dimension, and that's come through Emily's sacrifice, a lot of sacrifice. I've had to, I've had to, I could say quite confidently now, maybe turn back my back on some members of my family. And I had to go and I had to be by myself to grow. I had to fall, I had to rock myself to sleep, you know. I had to sit in a corner in a fetal position to find myself, and that's not been easy. And going through the dark night of the soul has not just been once, it's been again and again and again. That takes you to depression, takes you to who am I all over again. Now I'm going into my new self. Now I don't even know myself again. So all those years that I I was on this journey um was now it meant nothing. I had to leave that all behind and start all over again. But this time I was starting from knowing me because nothing outside me mattered. I had to find myself first, and that was going through mistakes, experiences, getting it wrong, time and time and time again. It was always what am I learning from it? What does it do for me? What is my higher self telling me? Or what am I contributing to my higher self? Is it good for me? Is it not good for me? Kind of thing.

SPEAKER_02

I absolutely love what you just said. I have started to do that every day. I wake up in the morning and I just ask my higher self, like, what do you want me to do today? Um if you don't resonate with higher self, yeah, you ask your nervous system, God, the universe, source, whoever you resonate with, yeah, the subconscious mind, you know, there's so many things out there that I feel are just like basically the same, you know. But I love how you just ask something outside of you and put your trust in something outside of you that you are tapped into that and that they know best, it, whatever it is. What do you want me to do today? What do you want me to focus on today? Like, how do you want me to be today? And that is what I am doing at the moment. And honestly, my life is like transforming around me. I feel more in flow. I feel that I'm focusing more on the right thing. I feel like just setting an intention before I go and do things and then asking my higher self, like, you know, can you give me some energy for this today? Can you do this for me today? I just it. Is really transformed my whole life.

SPEAKER_00

About 10 years ago, I learned how to ask my ancestors for help. So now I've gone through this whole journey of a life, whatever you know you want to call it. It's it's like I've gone against what is expected from me as an Asian female growing up in the UK. You know, I've I've done a divorce, the divorce thing, I've done it right. So maybe I freed quite a lot of my ancestors from that burden. I needed now them to guide me the rest of the way, or at least some of the way, until I need them. And so and I constantly need them. And I do feel that they're around me. I had to turn to them, I had to turn to my spirit guides. I don't know who they are, I don't even know what spirit guides mean. But there was this energy that was coming through and saying, if it's if you can't do it, ask. Ask it's there, you gotta tap into that frequency. You might not get it straight away, but it'll come to you in some form or another, and you'll be guided down that path. So it wasn't by myself. I was I was by myself from a human perspective, I wasn't surrounded by human love, but I was I was surrounded by spiritual love, and we always have that love around us because we are literally made up of love anyway, love energy.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I love what you were talking about your ancestors, and it just like ping just went in my head that you are amazing because you've broken the pattern, you've broken the pattern, the lineage for them. You are the pattern breaker in your family, and that is amazing when nobody else has done it, like before you, and I'm sure your ancestors are all like literally cheering you on doing the Mexican wave, like, oh my god, thank you, Manny. I mean, have you had any downloads or like just like pings from what your ancestors are thinking of you?

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I'm always surrounded by them now. It's like I feel like that they were my strength at the time. It's that my silent grandmothers and their mothers and their grandmothers and so forth. You know, it's a lineage of silence that are broken. Forget about doing anything, it's the it's it's having that voice, it's like, you know, I'm leaving in seven days, you know. Take that kind of is that what you said to me? That's exactly what I said. Wow, I love it. So if nothing's gonna transform in 14 years, it's not gonna transform in seven days, so it's gonna take me seven days, and I was at my most vulnerable point at that time, but I feel like that that was when they stepped in and said, We got you. We'll we'll we'll we'll build you back up. You know, we've not even been able to think about leaving in seven days, let alone say that you're leaving in seven days. What was the response when you said that? Yeah, right. You'll be back with your towel between your legs. Where are you gonna go? Who's gonna have you? Yeah, okay. You might have a degree, but you haven't got the experience to go out there and work. And it was like, we'll see. I'm I'm happy to fall on my knees because it's my knees that are gonna bring me back up again. Not yours, my own. Wow. It's mine, and it did, it did happen. I was on my knees, I was back up again, and so forth.

SPEAKER_02

That is the wave of life when we all get up from struggles. We have the struggle, we have the obstacle. That again is like the more fulfillment and the more satisfaction. I really do feel like the more you fall, the more you can build yourself up again, and the more you're like, wow, I actually did that.

SPEAKER_00

I learned so much from my own mistakes. Yeah. You know, I I always take things on board from my mistakes. I'll sit back, I'll be in my lonely place because I'm absorbing, I'm re-re-evaluating, I'm rebuilding, I'm understanding um what I need to do next from that point onwards. And and I'm so blessed to be honest with you, because my family members absolutely respect me for my strength now. It's like we we we want some of that. Yeah, how did you do it? Kind of thing. And how do you think that you did it? Oh, how did I do it through breakdown after breakdown after breakdown until I got to the core of who I really was. What was I sent here for? You know, what's my purpose? What's my soul purpose? It's about going back and learning and shedding the layers of what am I here for? You know, I'm here to share my journey. There's so many women who have been through what I've been through and have come through it, you know, and if they haven't, they can. It's doable. I'm living experience of that. My spirituality bailed me out. You know, my soul purpose bailed me out because not only did my mother choose me and I chose her, but I also chose my daughter and she chose me. So it carries on, it doesn't stop. Now I know that your soul carries on, your body might not. So I'd like to think that I've left a footprint in this life and cleared my karma, and that's what it's about. It's about clearing your karma as well. Uh I might not have from where I'm feeling. I feel like I've done some of the work. Um, but yeah, it's through the constant on my knees and getting back up, on my knees, getting back up, and not being tired because it's about me. I love it. Reading me.

SPEAKER_02

It's good because you should always value yourself, should always put yourself first, um, and do things for you. And I love that you're basically just doing the inner work, you're breaking down, doing the inner work, asking the right questions. What is my purpose? What am I doing here? Like, what are what's my mindset? And then again, it's just the waves of life because then you you feel like you have that identity, you have that purpose, and then you you break down again. And I've had so many of those.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and it's also like asking the wrong questions, yeah, because when I'm asking the wrong questions, I know what I should be asking because I get the contrast, so now I know I'm I'm mastering my life, I'm mastering my path, you know, because it's it I feel like it's divine. Um but the best part is that anybody can do it, yes, really. It's having the strength um and the love because it's always been about love for me, you know, having the love for yourself to to know what you want from your soul and your spirit and your core and what source expects from you as well. Because it does source energy, does have expectations because you are supposed to be living your best life.

SPEAKER_02

You are, I love it. You definitely, definitely are, and you can. Um, I love what you were saying beforehand about the family, your family going having respect for you now and thinking, oh my life, she did it. Like, wow, what is the relationship that you do have with your family now?

SPEAKER_00

Um, so first and foremost, it was against the odds that I've had to get my family back on board, but then it was about the love that was always there and the conditioning that was always there, and everyone's looking beyond that because I've not dishonored anybody, have I? Really? Just because I've divorced my husband, it doesn't mean I'm a dishonorable person. I've still managed to hold my own show, you know, which I do, I run my own show. Um, I'm not disrespectful, you know. Whatever their concept of disrespect means in their figment of imaginations, I'm not that, I've never been that, you know, I'm not a tearaway runaway, no, and so forth, which is what we get labeled as divorcees. Um, and then staying connected with my religion, you know, where it started, Emily. I still I'm in pin I'm pinned to my religion because now my children, my daughter can read, no, she can't read, she can, she can to some degree, Punjabi. I love that and they speak Punjabi, so it's come from that temple, it's come from that religion, so I'm really proud of that, and I still dabble with that. I still I'm still in contact with my the elders in my family, the ones that I I never lost contact with, and they've seen me come through as a butterfly, they've seen the metamorphosis journey, and they're very proud of it because I am they they can look up to me. I'm not someone that they can say, Oh no, no, no, forget about her because she's not living her life, she's actually living her best life. Yes, yes, and we can see that. I love it. So they see that, yeah, so they respect that, they understand that, they also embrace my my spirituality because I'm different. I love being different, you know. I'm I'm I've I've had to be different to be where I am today.

SPEAKER_02

I think it's really interesting that you said you had a different relationship with your family and you could feel more love. But yeah, do you feel that you have had more love for yourself as well? So you found the love for yourself and then you could see it on the external, you saw it in your family.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, yes. And you know, the love, the love came from it came through when I had to break the news to my family that I was leaving my marriage. It was like, um, I'm leaving, I'm not staying there anymore. And uh my my dad said, um, no, you're not. Wow, I said, I'm not asking, it's not a question, dad. It's a statement. Wow. And the fear was literally shaking when I said it. I said, it's not a question. I'm not asking you, shall I? Shall I leave? I'm saying to you, I'm going, I'm actually leaving. And it was that I felt like I came through then, and I saw that the scary person wasn't all that scary.

SPEAKER_02

Wow, it's a different energy, and you're seeing things with a different light, yeah, a different mindset. And I love how you're saying that he he even changed in your eyes, it was like it wasn't a scary person anymore. We couldn't relate anymore.

SPEAKER_00

That was my old life. He related to, he couldn't relate to my new one, but he had to see that obviously through his own journey. He's he's had to see me come through. He's super proud of me now.

SPEAKER_02

Because you're super proud of yourself. I love it, I love the whole journey, Manna. I would also love for the audience to hear a little bit about what you do now. Um, if you wanted to go into um like your trips to Egypt and what you're doing now, because I think it is really empowering to hear the journey and the jobs and the work and the projects that you're doing at the moment.

SPEAKER_00

So, yes, I've got so many fingers in so many eyes right now. So, going back to Egypt was also part of my awakening, it was my soul travel um journey. So, um, not only did I want to be out and by myself in my world here, I wanted to be by myself in all the worlds. And then I took myself to Egypt by myself, stayed for a whole month, made new friends, challenged myself. If I can challenge myself by going to work, walking to work for two hours, I can talk to Egypt by myself, you know, because that I'm coming from a very empowered growth perspective, not from a wounded, toxic, traumatic perspective. Now I'm looking at how can I grow further, how can I share my journey to more people, more women out there. It's like you can do it by yourself, it's fine. You know, you are protected, the higher self is there to protect you, the energy out there is to protect you. So we'll bring a lot of um sacred energy back from Egypt for myself and the people around me. Um, so I bring Egypt to Egypt to them if they can't go out to Egypt. So that's a beautiful journey that I'm on. I've made new friends, um, and new people in my life. Um, I work for the most hard-to-reach community at the moment, so a lot of growth comes from that as well, Emily, because I'm transforming lives just like how I transformed my own. So I share my experience, you know, I share my journey. I don't speak about my journey, but I share the experience of my journey, the you can do it um concept of my path, um, and and transformation has come through that. So that has allowed me to tap into the coaching side of my skill. Um, so I've launched my uh mindset reset program that I'm working on at the moment, which is amazing. And I've had a couple of clients who have gone through that journey and have transformed their lives, and all I'm doing is I'm coming from a perspective, I'm coming from a journey that I've gone through myself. There's no like a like a glamorous thing about it, it's not I'm not pulling on the lights, camera, and action kind of thing. I'm coming from where I've been myself and the you can do it thing.

SPEAKER_02

I absolutely love it. One final question is what would you say to your younger self?

SPEAKER_00

Ooh, I knew you were gonna ask me this. Intuition. I would very comfortably bring my younger self into my home now, into my life now, and I'll be so proud to show her that it is doable. Look how far you've come. You know, you're gonna be proud of yourself one day. You're gonna go through this journey, it's part of the path, it's part of the contract, it's part of the script. If you go don't go through this now, then you won't have this at the end of it. So the strength and the um the strength, the strength is the key. So stay strong. I love it, Manny.

SPEAKER_02

Thank you. Thank you so much for being here. I've loved the whole story. And just to let you guys know, like I've known Manny for years, and I've never heard this story either. So I found it super empowering, and I feel like the whole time I've been in with you on your journey, and I could just see myself um with you, and I've just absolutely loved this whole experience. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you for having me. What I'm gonna do is put all the links if people want to work with you, or just like follow you on Instagram, I'll put them in the show notes. And again, thank you so much, Manny, and I'll see you all on the next one. Thank you, thank you.