36: Plugging “Feeling Special” Into My Electromagnetic Field

In this episode, I share a realisation I recently had about a subconscious belief that was looping in the background of my mind. The thought of “I’m not special.”

Even though I wasn’t consciously aware of it, this belief had become part of my internal identity. 

From an energetic perspective, these thoughts and emotions become part of the electromagnetic field we project into the world. The people and situations we experience mirror that internal identity back to us.

In this episode I talk about:

• Past experiences that reflected the way I viewed myself internally
• How our self concept shapes what we attract into our lives
• The 8 areas of life where these patterns can show up
• A tip from my higher self that helped shift my thinking
• How we can rewire the subconscious mind to change the energy we broadcast

This episode is for anyone who is ready to question old identities and start shifting beliefs that no longer align with who they truly are.

Book Recommendations Mentioned

The Holographic Universe – Michael Talbot
Becoming Supernatural – Dr Joe Dispenza

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi everyone, and welcome back to Intuitive Diaries with me, Emily Marie. And for this episode, I'm going to be talking about my electromagnetic field and what I am doing at this moment in time, like literally right now. And at this moment, I am trying to plug in the thought that I am special, the feeling that I am special, so I can be an energy match to being special on the outside, so I see it in my external world. If you're looking for an episode on how to create your own reality, like manifestation that actually works on a scientific and spiritual level, this is the episode for you. As usual, I'm going to take my own struggles, my own obstacles in my life. I'm going to put myself out there for you guys, and I'm going to rewind and I'm going to really take it back about like 10 years ago, where oh my life, I had no idea about this work. I had no idea about even self-development work, let alone the concept that we create everything in our lives, that we create our own reality. I didn't really even have the concept of choice. I was just a people pleaser. I was just someone that was happy to go with the flow. Basically, meant I would just do whatever other people did or wanted me to do. People pleasing. These types of behaviors are really programmed into us through childhood, through education, through even music, through peer groups and culture, just through our external world. I have lots of episodes on that, so please feel free to rewind and take it back if you are interested. About 10 years ago, I was in such a toxic environment, such a toxic relationship, but this toxicity was really being reflected into my reality, into my world from lots of different areas in my life. And the real big one for me was the relationship that I was in at that time, and I'm just going to give you a little bit of an example. So, for example, on weekends, when a weekend would arrive, like all of us, I'm excited. I'm like, oh my life, yes, we've got the whole weekend together, gonna do something, gonna do X, Y, and Z. And I always come up with these amazing things that we could do together. Back then, I loved art, design, culture. I would look up all these things that were in the local area. I think you know, on like those websites like what's on, what's on in Birmingham kind of thing, and there'd always be something really cool, whether that's like a farmer's market or some kind of event that's going on in a museum, some kind of art exhibition, a new restaurant opening. There was always really cool, cultured activities out there that I really wanted to participate in, and every weekend I would get my hopes up, and even on an evening, like I remember even in the summer, and just looking outside and it just being so beautiful, and just thinking, oh, we could do all these things like the our world is our oyster. Literally, we could do anything we wanted, we could go out into the park, we could hop to an English countryside pub, we could explore different villages. There's just so much in the world that we could do right now, and every single time it came for me to think of an idea to put across something. Let's do this in the weekend, let's go to this event, let's do this. It would always be a maybe, or it would be a shutdown no, or it would be yes, and then last minute it would be a cancellation, and we wouldn't go. And the only thing that we did throughout that whole past previous relationship was everything that my ex wanted to, nothing that I wanted to, like, I can't think of one thing in 11 years, I can't think of one thing. Now, a previous version of me, and loads of people on the internet would be like, What a prick, fuck that guy, cut him off, snip, snip, snip, put up boundaries, and like I do agree that when you're in toxic environments and situations, you need to protect yourself and you do need to put up boundaries. However, what I have come to realize, and after years and years of doing self-development work and experiencing it in my own life, finding spirituality, finding my own intuition, really trusting myself and seeing what is going on in my life. Like, how do I keep repeating the same pattern over and over again in different areas? And for me, I realized that my ex, so the guy that I was with at that time, he was only mirroring back how I felt about myself, and this is such a life lesson of mine. I always thought that my life lesson was like that I'm not enough, and I have been working on myself for so long that I feel like I am kind of dealing with that one, but I've realized that there is something underneath that idea that I am not enough, and that idea is that I'm not special. I have had this thought, this feeling that I am not special in this world since childhood, and this idea has really been ingrained in me, not on purpose, guys. Like this is not a conscious thing. Obviously, everyone around me, my childhood is and still is amazing. I had a beautiful, beautiful childhood, nothing traumatic happened to me. I'm just like a normal girl. Actually, I would actually say that I was better than average. I lived in a huge house, I had holidays all the time, I had a very supportive family, there was no like crazy divorce or bankruptcy or what other people would perceive as a huge traumatic thing that happened in my childhood. Nothing like that happened, but it was outside influences that basically fed the information to my childlike brain, obviously, to a baby and childlike brain, things are perceived differently. That I am not special, and to put other people before me that was really programmed in me. Also, being in a Catholic environment, again, nothing wrong with being Catholic. I think it's absolutely beautiful. I think I am still a follower of Jesus' values. However, I do feel that that religion, and especially because I went to Catholic school as well, it really imprinted the idea that we are all the same, that no one is better than someone else, and I understand the intention behind that, but I also feel that this developed an idea within me that I was not special, and me in human years being 37 years old, I still have this going on in my brain again, guys. This is a subconscious programming, these are subconscious thoughts. If I didn't do self-development work, I would have had no idea that this was on in my brain, that this was a repeating pattern, and that because it's a repeating pattern, it's in my electromagnetic field, and it is attracting situations that are going to mirror back that I am not special, people that are going to mirror back that I am not that special, and this is just something that I have only been aware of in like literally the past week and a half. It's been absolutely like crazy. I think even just me noticing and realizing this and having the aha moment, I was just like, whoa, everything really makes sense more now that I can look back in my life, why this was being mirrored back in what I thought was just a really emotionally abusive, toxic relationship, which it was, it was, but he was only mirroring back my electromagnetic field, he's only mirroring back how I felt inside so I can shift it so I can up level my life so I can be a different version of me, something that is more aligned with my core self. This, because we are not taught this, is all subconscious work. I didn't know this was going on, he didn't know that he was doing it. So it's just absolutely crazy that we're just all walking around with these electromagnetic fields, we have no idea what is running in them, what kind of thoughts and ideas are in there. You will notice patterns in your life, and they can be clues of what you have running in your background, what you've got in your electromagnetic field. So it's just crazy that now thinking back, I can really see why this guy just did not value me. Every time I suggested something, it was like, oh yeah, that sounds, you know, that sounds great, but it never materialized into anything. And I always remember this one where literally for a whole year I was obsessed with Big Walk. Guys, if you are in the Westmidland area, then everybody knows Big Walk. It's like this big Chinese buffet restaurant in the centre of Birmingham, in a Chinese quarter of Birmingham, and I don't know why, but I was just absolutely obsessed with it. I mean, it's greasy food, I wouldn't go there now, but back then it was just something like that had this emotion in me that was like, oh, let's go to Big Walk. Like you can have anything you want. I would gorge myself on like all this food. Plus, if you went over and said that it was your birthday, they would come over and sing you a song. And I'd gone there previously with a couple of friend groups who pretended it was their birthday just to have like that song song at them, which is quite funny. And every time, every weekend, for literally about six months, I was just obsessed with Big Rock. I was like, right, I really, really want to go to Big Rock, and I kept saying this to my ex. I was like, to the guy that I was with at that time, you know, just imagine your partner. And I'm like, I really, really want to go to Big Rock Rock, and he's like, Yeah, that's such a good idea, that's such a good idea. And I'm like, yes, again, it's the feeling like nothing in this world that we actually want is a physical thing, it's the feeling of what we think the physical thing is going to bring us. And for me, I was really thinking connection, sitting on the train, going to Birmingham, the excitement of like going to eat gorge and lots of food. Maybe somebody will pretend it's my birthday, and I'll get like loads of people around me singing happy birthday, and I'm like really embarrassed, but also super happy that some that you know I've got like this happy birthday song just for me, like how hilarious! There was always this crispy seaweed there with that I absolutely loved, and just the feeling and the atmosphere of being in city centre, the hustle, the bustle, walking through the boring, which I absolutely loved, just the whole experience. And every weekend I would be obsessed with it, and especially if it was a beautiful day, I'd be like, Oh my life, we can go on the train, I can look outside, you know. It was just the excitement of it, and he was up for it because he loved Chinese food as well. He was like, I am so up for that, and every time we would about to leave to go to the train station, or it was about half an hour away. Some guys, sometimes I would even have my makeup on, I'd have my outfit on. I would be, I was like, Oh my life, yes, big walk is about to happen. And I'd walk out my house and I'd go to meet him, and he either would not turn up, or last minute he would say that he's had a change of mind, a change of heart, and we're doing this instead. And every time we would do something, it would be something that he wanted to do, like go to a sports bar and watch football. Obviously, something that I did not want to do, but this was just mirroring back that I was not special, so when that happened, I'd be like, Oh, he doesn't want to spend time with me, like he's got other things better to do. He would rather do X, Y, and Z instead. He would he would rather, like sometimes he would choose the shittiest thing, like sometimes he would just like nah, I can't be arsed, can't be bothered, I just want to stay in instead. And I just want to stay in and do nothing instead of oh big walk, like wow, come on. For people who are local to that area, I think that they did get shut down because of like hygiene. Like, I wouldn't want to go there now, but the you know, the old version of me was just like so, yes, I really, really want to do this. This was I don't know, a decade, 15 years ago. Guys, Amazon just came to the door, so I forgot what I was saying, but definitely just talking about how I always thought, and you have to go through these milestones. I feel like the universe gives you the information that you need to digest at that time, so I literally went through all the modalities, all like the kind of trying to understand basically why this guy was like such a prick to me. Like, hello, and the thing is that I actually, in my conscious mind, I did think that I was special. I thought that back then and now, like, I'm still got this running now, it is something that I'm really working on, but I really did think like actually, I knew back then that I was an amazing, amazing girlfriend, that I would always put myself first. Uh sorry, I would always put other people first, guys. Do not do that, always put yourself first. I was doing it the wrong way around, but back then that version of me really did have this like innate knowing that I was special. The thing is that I have only just again really integrated into my life is that where the reflection is, so whatever thought pattern or belief system is being mirrored back to you, you feel that way in a different area of life. So I always thought that this can't be true because I did think that I was an absolute like a special girlfriend. I'm like, excuse me, hello. Like I thought and knew deep down that I was an absolutely amazing, amazing girlfriend, but I had this belief in a different area of life, and wherever the reflection is, it's never in that area. That's the mind-boggling thing about this concept that I am really integrating. You can know all the amazing concepts out there, you can know all the spiritual concepts, but you have to integrate it in your life. You have your brain has to realize that it's true, like you have to go through old memories, piece things together, and then apply the concept now and see things in your reality shift and change for your body to really root down that this concept is real, that it is true, and this is exactly what I am doing right now. Like it is crazy because I'm talking about this, but I am doing it at the same time. The different areas of life, they are eight different areas of life, which are physical, mental, spiritual, social, family, financial, career. Oh, the last one, a passion hobby, a passion hobby, which is probably the one that no one really thinks about, or is that in just my world? I have only just got into that one. So it's really interesting because this concept about your electromagnetic field, and I keep calling it a concept, but it's truth. This is a spiritual law, it's a scientific law. I have been reading so much about this. I actually might put these books in the show notes if anybody's interested in them. One of them is called The Holographic Universe, so interesting. That's a science book, and another one is the one from Dr. Joe Dispenser. Um, only read his books, please, guys. No audio. Don't do his meditations. But these books are so interesting, and I'll put them in the show notes, the ones that I'm reading at this moment in time. I'm looking at physics, like you want to see my evening routine. I'm like some kind of crazy scientist, I'm like flicking through all these books about electromagnetic field, I'm learning physics, I'm like learning neuroscience. I'm like, what is going on? Is this fucking true? And what I have realized because I've experimented with my own life, like honestly, it is so so true. It is crazy, it is absolutely mental. It was just reflecting the state of what I was back then, the version of me back then, the identity that I held then was so different to what I have now, and the ideas of self and the world were mirrored back to me through toxic repeating patterns. I just want to say another story because it's just popped into my head. I remember that again, this is back in the day when I was with my toxic ex, and I had a message from a friend from school, and I didn't have like that many trusted friends back then, but I got this message from a friend from school, and I was like, wow, she's invited me to a barbecue. Not a lot of people did that back then. I would be I was very much just within my ex's friendship group, and that was it. I didn't really have my own group of friends outside of that. So for me, it was very different. And I was so excited by it. I was like, wow, I would love to go to this barbecue. It was for her birthday, and it was going to be something different for me, a different group of friends. And I had been banging on about this barbecue for weeks. And obviously, you're in a relationship, you want your partner to go with you, and he was up for it straight away. He was like, Yeah, that sounds great. You know, we'll get a taxi there, we'll have a good time. And I was like, Yes, this is amazing. You know, we're gonna go and do something different, we're gonna go and see maybe one of my friends for a change, it's only up the road, and I want to just experience an evening where I'm with different people, have different conversations, and I was very, very excited about it. And I remember doing my makeup and just putting my outfit on and just feeling like so excited, just loving the fact that I was going to do something different, and that my ex had said yes to me, that one of my ideas, one of my suggestions for an outing, first of all, was like getting seen, it was getting heard, it was like, Okay, yeah, I see you, I hear you, we can do that. And it was actually going ahead, like it was the day of the event, and we were like getting ready, and I was like, Oh, this is actually happening, so happy. Obviously, looking at lots of different outfits, putting my makeup on, going downstairs, and then him just it just turned on me for no reason, what I thought was no reason, and just the stark contrast of being so happy, of just like looking forward to an evening with friends, to having a person scream and shout in my face for no reason. Again, what I thought was no reason, to literally just be shut down and say, We are not going to that. You can go to it if you want, but I don't want to go there. And coming across as if, like, if you go there, you're not allowed to go back home, and such a stark contrast that I just thought was like, what coming out from my like smiley, uplifting, looking forward phase to no, we are not going there. I can't even like I can't even mimic and replicate something like that because it's just not in my reality anymore. But yeah, just someone screaming in my face, and someone just like putting me down, telling me no, saying we are not doing that, and basically telling me to cancel, and we're doing something else, we are doing something that he wants to do. And I remember texting this friend and just feeling so guilty and knowing that I didn't want to cancel, and I was crying my eyes out because it was just like the stark contrast of it to be shut down, to be screamed at, and for me to again just suppress all my feelings and just to pretend that everything is okay because I would just it didn't matter what I was doing, I just wanted to be with him. That's such a toxic thing to to feel like, but I really wanted to go and see this friend. In hindsight, I should have done it on my own and put myself first, but I didn't. I just went and did whatever he wanted to do. Again, there's so many people out there that would analyze this situation that would talk about the other person, that would talk about your inner child, that would tell you to do all these healing modalities, and that you need to go to therapy for 10 years and you need to do this and you need to do that. When all this was was just reflecting my inner state. Back then, I would always be so self-critical, I would snap at myself in my own head, I was not consciously aware of this, I was not consciously aware, and I just did not think that I was special at all. And I thought that this was this guy was reflecting this to me as in he was showing me that I was not special, so afterwards I was like, Oh, I feel like so you know, small and see small and not heard and not special because I was in a toxic relationship. But no, guys, these thoughts and this identity was created way before I met him. I met him because I was an energy match for him. Every situation, every person that we encounter, we are an energy match for, and it has been created by us via our own electromagnetic fields. You don't need to go to therapy for 10 years to figure this out. I am telling this to you for free. You don't need to analyze the other person, you don't need like this specialist type of I have done them all, guys, internal family systems, tapping, somatic work, subconscious reprogramming, like just knowing that you have so much power that you create your own reality because of your electromagnetic field, that is going to shift things like hugely just by knowing how of an amazing creator you are, amazing creators. We all are us as human beings, we all create our own reality because of our own electromagnetic fields, whatever we are experiencing, we are an energy match for. So, yes, we could analyze the toxic relationship and analyze the other person, which I used to do for ages, and you could focus your energy on the other person, or the more high frequency way that I am researching and integrating in my own life now is taking a breath, taking a pause, and looking within and seeing, okay, where do I do that to myself? The world is getting more and more high frequency, which means that more people are getting and are needing more high frequency tools and more high frequency information in their own lives. And if you're listening to this right now, then honestly, you are a high frequency soul, you are probably a very old soul, and your higher self has put you in front of this information for a reason, so you can take it in and literally take control of your own life. Before you can do that, you really need to believe, and your brain needs to believe that this is true, which is what I am doing right now. Like I said before, it's okay and it's good to have all the knowledge in the world, but without showing your brain and experiencing things yourself, you are not going to be fully rooted to the knowledge. So at this moment in time, wow, I am in a completely different space, by the way. For people who don't know me, I left that toxic relationship years ago. I have an amazing fiance that treats me so differently because I treat myself differently, and I have slowly and slowly worked on myself, and the more I have worked on myself, the more toxic friendships and business partnerships and other areas of my life have gone away from my reality, and more high frequency, more aligned people, situations have come into my reality. Right now, the past I would probably say week and a half, I'm really like doubling down on plugging into my electromagnetic field that I am special. How do you do that? You basically rewire your brain, guys. This is literally what I'm doing. I keep saying that it is absolutely fascinating and it is empowering to research this yourself, to look at neuroscience. The more I found that I have done it myself, the more fulfillment and empowerment I have got. I have been looking through, and beforehand, I always thought that I could look at past achievements and get myself to feel special, which is true. And to be honest, this did work for a while. Where I was like looking at past achievements, and I was like, I've had packaging design in Wix and BQ, and I've like had 20 grand months, and I have like so I must be special. I worked with Google and LinkedIn, so I must be special. I have had really high blue chip clients, so I must be special. I've run so many different companies, I must be special. Like I own a home, I must be special. I've had investments and I've done this in my life, I've done that in my life, and this did start to work for a like a time. However, then I started to get other reflections in my life where it was mirroring back that I'm not special, and I'm like, hang on, I thought I was figuring this out. I had a word with my higher self, and she was basically like, you are putting your specialness and your innate soul worthiness on external achievements, and what my higher self wanted me to do right now is really root down to I am special just by me, being me. I am special just by being me. Forget about the outside achievements, forget about external things, forget about the car and the house and the business. My higher self wants me to root down to I am special just because of me. Strip away all the external things because in this world, in this universe, we actually don't want external things, we want the feeling we think the external thing is going to bring us. Everything in this world is feeling its emotions, that's what we're here to explore. Without the like the thought of me attaching it to an achievement. She's just like, Emily, you are fucking amazing, you are so special just being you, just your soul, just your high frequency soul sitting here. Like you could be sitting. This is like her talking to me. Like you could be just sitting completely naked, completely bald, forget about your blonde hair, take your makeup off in your head, forget about anything external, just be a ball of energy. You are so special, just your soul, just you, just you being connected to the divine, being part of our parent energy, whatever you want to call that, source, the universe, God, higher self, whatever word resonates for you. Every single one of us is so innately amazingly special without any external achievements. Forget about anything that pops into your head. Oh, I've done this, I've done that. That's what my high self wants me to do right now. And it was so confronting. I'm like, hang on, what about this? No, forget about that, forget about that, just focus on you, just focus on the feeling. So I have been doing this for about a week and a half, and guys, I've just had the most craziest week. I've just had the most craziest week. Like, actually, it's not even a week and a half. I would literally say it's probably been about six days. Time is going fast at the moment, it feels like a week and a half, but it hasn't been. It's been about six days. Like, my boyfriend got a grand bonus at work the other day. My mother-in-law said that she would pay for our flights to go on holiday. The other day, yesterday, a plumber came to have a look at our leaking radiator, fixed it for free. Who does that? He fixed it for free. Two days before that, we had two people come to the house and they bought a couple of things that we had on Facebook Marketplace and just gave us like£80 cash. I've had three job interviews in the past four days, maybe. I've had so many, so much feedback on my podcast, and that people want to come on my podcast. I'm just getting this like amazing feedback from the universe. We all create our own reality. This is my electromagnetic field being a match to these things being poured into my reality because of me changing my frequency, because of me feeling special and not attaching it to external achievements, which is what my business brain has always done. It's always attached it to external things. Like, if I keep doing this, what else is going to happen? I'm kind of scared, guys. I'm kind of scared of my own power. Oh my life. This is amazing, and I'm gonna keep doing this. I'm literally gonna keep doing this, keep doing this, and I'm gonna keep plugging different ideas into my electromagnetic field, what I like to call and what our community calls a creator field, because it literally creates everything in your life. I have more podcasts on this, so please feel free to look back and listen to them a few times. That's what I had to do. I had to listen to this concept so much again and again and again on repeat for my brain to really understand it. And what I want someone out there to take away is just to realize how amazing and special you are. Honestly, we create our reality, you create your own reality, and if you don't like what you are seeing at the moment, you can change it, you can plug in different things into your electromagnetic field, you can hold those emotions, hold those ideas, hold those identities of self, and just watch your reality change and shift. I just want someone out there to try it out. Like I dare you, I dare someone out there just to try this out. Try it out for a few weeks and come back to me, DM me, message me, email me, whatever. I just want someone out there to try it out as well. Let me know how you get on, have a look, and just intuitively do some journaling or whatever your practice is and see what you feel is your biggest limiting belief right now, what your biggest pattern is in your life. Look at that pattern, look at the idea of self that could be there. You might not consciously be aware of it, but subconsciously it might be there and it might be running in the background, running in your electromagnetic field, and just try it. Just fucking like why not? We have so much choice in this world. Why not choose you? Why not? Why not choose to uplift yourself and have a different thought pattern? Be more aware of your identity of yourself, be more aware of thoughts that pop into your head and think, hang on, was that limiting? Did that feel limiting or did that feel expanding? If it felt limiting or restricting, it's a limiting belief, guys. Get rid of it, get rid of it. I want this to come across as exciting. We are the creators of our life. Someone out there, try it. Get back to me, see what you think. And if you're listening to this right now, honestly, your higher self knows exactly what they're doing, they know exactly what they're doing, and this is the information that you need to hear right now. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for your valuable time and valuable energy. I have been Emily Marie. You've been listening to Intuitive Diaries, and if you want more value, pop over to my website, emily Marie.co.uk. Sign up to the email list where I send over mindset reframes, I send over high frequency tools, and the intention behind every email is literally just to uplift and change someone's life. Thank you so much, and I will see you all in the next one.