46: Martyn’s Story: Your Breaking Point Is Your Making Point

What if your breaking point isn't the end of your story, but the beginning?

In this episode I interview fellow intuitive, Martyn Mills. 

Martyn shares his life’s journey including a previous marriage where he found himself trapped in a people pleasing dynamic, constantly putting the needs of others before his own. 

Together, we explore how childhood programming shapes our adult lives, the unconscious beliefs that influence our relationships and the moments that give us a completely new perspective.

This episode is a reminder that lasting transformation doesn't happen by changing everyone around you, it begins by changing yourself first.

We discuss:

• How childhood experiences shape your adult reality
•  The hidden cost of people pleasing
•  Reaching breaking point and rebuilding your life
•  How life is a reflection of your energy
•  Getting rid of the internal bully 
• Our lowest moments
•  Downloads that shifted our perspectives forever
•  How real change doesn’t happen overnight 

If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed or unsure how to move forward, this episode will help you see your struggles through a completely different lens.

To learn more about Martyn's work and access his free resources: click here

For Martyn's intuitive sessions: book here

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Join the community to get inspiring pep talks and empowering mindset reframes.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Right, hi everyone, and welcome back to Intuitive Diaries with me, Emily Marie. And for this episode, it's very extra special. I have a guest with us today, Martin Mills. Um, we met each other as we've got the same mentor and we are in the same intuition group. We are also in the same intuition telegram group, so we met through that and it's been super exciting. And I am really pleased that he said yes to being my guest speaker of this episode. Um, hi Martin. Hi, Emily. Thank you so much for coming on. Um, would you like to? Well, first of all, I just want to say that for this episode, I want to give someone a life change out there because this whole podcast I've been really talking about my own life and how circumstances that I found myself in. Yeah, we've talked about reflections before. If you haven't talked, if you don't know about reflections and this is your first time here, welcome, welcome. Please have a look at other past podcast episodes about reflections, about how the life that you lead is literally a reflection of your own energy. And I'm sure Martin will have quite a lot of content about this as well on his website, which we will dive into right at the very end of the episode. But yeah, just for people to feel less alone in their self-development journey and realize like it's not just me that this happened to, this is absolutely everyone, whether we are unconscious or conscious of it. This is literally how we create our reality, and for it to be a super empowering episode for someone out there to be like, oh shit, it's me. And because it's me, that means that I can change and I can see a change in my reality afterwards. So this is the intention for the episode to just wow someone, empower someone, and give someone a life change out there. Um, so yeah, Martin, would you like to just say a little bit about yourself, where you are based, maybe, what you do?

SPEAKER_01 2:16

Yeah, of course. But well done for introducing that intent. I mean, it is incredible when you start looking back at your own life when you have these tools and you understand reflections, how everything that you do, literally every single thing that you do is a reflection, and everything that happens to you is a reflection, isn't it? And that's that's the piece, the kind of the missing puzzle piece. So yeah, I am fully on board that this will be life-changing because we're gonna talk about how it changed our lives, and so yeah, my name is Martin Mills. I I grew up in a uh small village in Swansea in the UK. So I know you'll have listeners from everywhere, and my upbringing was a little bit, I mean, everyone's upbringing is unique. Mine was unique in the way that my parents had me much later in life. I was very much the surprise child. So my sister is nearly well, she's 17 and a half years older than me.

SPEAKER_02 3:23

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

So my parents had just about finished bringing up one kid, uh, and she was going off to university, and then my mom at 39 finds out she's pregnant with me. And the interesting part is that that had a big uh impact on who I was at a very young age, because my father was going through one of the most stressful times of his life at that point with work. He used to be a builder and plasterer, and he couldn't do that anymore through injuries, which is interestingly reflective now that we know. So he couldn't do that, and he was having to transition. So, my uh upbringing from the ages of one to about 10, I had a very different father to what my sister remembers. And I started to perceive the world through this lens of essentially you have to make sure that everything you do, dad's okay with. So you you I became the ultimate people pleaser, and uh, as you know, probably through like mirror neurons, I was picking up everything that my mom did with my dad as well. So she was very much that way. Make sure that we she did everything, very traditional housewife. So all the chores, everything was done, and so I would see, oh, mom does everything for dad. And then I became that same way. Okay, so for people to love me, I have to do things for other people, and that was a very useful tool up until your uh early teens, and then everything starts to not work how you thought it was supposed to work, right?

SPEAKER_00 5:04

Definitely, yeah. It is so it's so interesting how um with when you do inner work, you realize that beliefs uh is literally belief, is it's not an a true knowing, it's just repeated messaging, and that how we were formed is how we were formed in as children. And just to put it out there, we love our parents. Well, maybe some people don't out there, but me and Martin absolutely love our parents, um, and we chose them for a specific reason, so we get to experience these experiences that were all pre-planned. God damn it. Cheers for that higher self, thank you. Um, but yeah, it's I when I had that aha moment, was like, oh my god, that belief was drilled into me as a child. I feel that at first it was a wow moment, but for me afterwards, it gave me a lot of clarity and a lot of it's not, you know, it's not just me, like it gave meaning behind it. Um, and I felt a bit more secure and grounded that okay, this isn't my true self, it was just something that was formed in me as a child. So thank you so much for sharing that. And it's so interesting for the audience as well to see a little bit, a little snippet of how your beliefs were formed. So if we like go back, well, go back, go forward in the future a little bit. Um, how do you feel that these kind of belief systems formed you as an adult? And what kind of like experiences or dynamics did you find yourself in as an adult or an early adult?

SPEAKER_01 6:53

Yeah, so that that sort of idea that in order to receive love, I had to do things for other people. That essentially what it was doing is I ended up putting everything through this lens of how can I do something to make somebody else happy? And I would put myself completely out of the picture. So I it never factored in. And in fact, when it did factor in, it was oh, you'll be you'll being selfish if you put yourself first. That's how the belief had formed. So everything had to be through this lens of how can I help somebody else? And it was really rough. So higher self, thanks, great. But it it meant that I ended up making all decisions in my life based on what I thought other people would want from me, and ultimately, never putting myself first is how it all forces it to unravel the way that it does. But the biggest way it impacted me is when I would start getting into uh what let's call it early adult relationships. So my first part, real partner, um, we got married, and even that decision, I remember the thought going through my mind of going, well, how can I make this the best marriage for her? I need to make sure I put her first in every decision. And again, not putting myself first, it all played out in a very difficult way.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Definitely, yeah. It's it's so funny that you say that because that's how I feel when I met my ex-boyfriend. So he was like kind of my the first big partner, like let's say serious relationship. And I remember having that thought. I remember thinking, I am going to be the best girlfriend to him. I'm gonna do everything that he wants, everything that he asks. I'm gonna prove myself that I am like this best person. And I think for me, it was probably being the oldest of five siblings as well. So having a little bit of that mother energy and just to always like I was always making sure and clocking, is everyone okay? Is everyone okay? And that kind of um shaped my belief as an early adult. So I would clock, is you know, my partner okay? Is my best friend okay? Is everyone around me okay? And I didn't even have the self-awareness or the emotional intelligence to ask, am I okay? I did not, I that just did not come into my brain at all. Um, and it's it's funny but also sad at the same time. Like it's just crazy that um again, what you were saying about mirror neurons, it this was just something that I picked up in childhood. I think a lot of maybe because I grew up as a Catholic as well. Maybe that traditional family household is obviously great in some ways, but then I just picked up the bad programming of it that you just I just felt like from a different perspective, not while I was in there, that I was just a slave, that I was just like, I would do anything to make this person feel good or feel better about himself without even checking in, but because I wasn't giving that to myself, I just kept getting it from the universe like more, more, more bad things happening, more things to fix to from other people because I wasn't giving it to myself. So um, I would absolutely love for you maybe. Can you just like unpick like a dynamic that unfolded, or maybe more like the daily things that you experienced having this type of thought pattern and beliefs and the reflections that you were getting at that time?

SPEAKER_01 11:05

Yeah, so well, let's set the scene a little bit. Talk about doing everything for somebody else. Yeah, the uh the situation happened that she ended up very depressed and her family was in America. So my brain immediately, my programmed brain, goes, okay, maybe she'd be feel better if she was back with her family in America. And so without any shadow of a doubt, I was like, right, we have to move to America. And this is where like I had an intuitive poll, probably for the first time, that I was completely not aware of. I desperately didn't want to make that decision. Like my I felt it in my gut. I was like, why would I leave all my friends? But it's like, no, you you have to do this because your life is designed around making sure you do the best for the people that you love. So we'd made this choice, and then you'd mentioned like that constant pattern that came up, and it very similar to you, was feeling not so much like a slave for me, but feeling that I had zero control over my life, and I couldn't get from it what I was trying to. So I had a desire, I wanted to be happy in my relationship, and I wanted my partner to be happy, and I did everything that I could logically think of so that there was nothing left, there was no other thing that I could do, and yet we were now both depressed. So every day I was applying that logical brain, this programmed mindset of okay, maybe there's um someone I can go and talk to, and and through years of therapy for the both of us, and it was often these oh well, the very traditional approaches to to fixing things. But uh safe to say, none of those actually made a massive amount of difference because it was always focused on the other person, the things that you can do together, and as you and I know all too well, no one sat down and said, Right, this has got nothing to do with anybody else ever. The only way that you change your situation is to change yourself and from a place of self-love. So I'm I'm here going, but that's selfish. Surely, surely I can't change my life by caring about myself first. That sounds crazy, yeah. But yeah, that was probably the the repeated thing was feeling so utterly lost as to how to fix the situation at all. That was the biggest thing that came up every day.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

Yeah, I suppose you just get to a point where well, I got to a point anyway where I got used to my reality and it was just like a daily struggle. But actually, I did realize that I was in a daily struggle because it was just my normal day. I was just like being criticized because I criticized myself in my head, but it had just become my normal reality. So it's amazing that you guys went to therapy, even though I agree with you. Therapy, um, there is a lot of okay, what is this other person doing rather than what you can change about yourself? But at least you were maybe self more self-aware than I was, like self-aware that okay, um, this this isn't right, you know. Um do you remember a time when you had like an intuitive hit or just an aha moment where you were like, okay, something really needs to change here, or I need to do something different. There needs to be a different action.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

Yes. So this was I'd I'd already so you said I was self-aw, or maybe more self-aware, but I I'd always had a desire, like my my educations in geology and computer science, which was purely programming from my dad. I always wanted to be the person that could help others. So I kind of had this hobby of therapy and things like this. And the the aha moment for me was I'd spent all of this time trying to work out how to help my partner in that moment. I started to do some of the tools myself, and I remember getting my diary and writing down maybe I shouldn't be here. Like, what's the point? And this overwhelming thought, 100% intuitive source hit was you have a massive purpose. And for me, it was out of the blue. I was like, wow, where did that come from? I've never felt that before. That doesn't make any sense. And that was the very first, it was in that moment I was like, right, I need to go find somebody to talk to, because this is the very first time I'd had therapy on my by myself. Wow, it was always for my partner. I I did like the research, and when you're in America, you have to look through your insurance. Do they take your insurance? All of this. So I did all the paperwork, I looked for all the therapists, I went through all the medication, all for my partner. And it was when I wrote in my diary and I had that overwhelming sense of you're gonna change everything now. It was basically I almost heard it in my mind, you're gonna change your life now. It's okay. I immediately went and found somebody myself who ended up uh have I asked this intuitively. Hang on. Yeah, 100%. So he was a guide. So my therapist, the person I found, was a hundred percent a guide for me. And um, what was so fascinating to me in that moment was I turned up going, tell me anything, just change my life, please. And I'd already done the energetic work, I think. I've gone in going, I'm gonna do whatever any anything that a human tells me because I need a change.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

And it was so simple. He's like, I need you to leave the house, I need you to go for a walk or do something that is for you and isn't for anybody else. And my second session, he told me he's like, because I had made I had made all these changes. He said, I'm so glad you turned up here today, having done that, because if you hadn't, I was gonna send you to hospital, I was gonna have you go on meds and everything because I was at that lowest point in my life, but that intuitive hit of just going, You're gonna change everything today, came in loud and clear, and that was a that was a massive turning point for me. It was not nothing, everything changed, but it's not quick, right? It's not a fast, oh, everything overnight was perfect. Oh no, no, no, no. Reflections came thick and fast after that point, too. And I had all I had done was take the first step. I still didn't have any knowledge of this, so and I hadn't fixed anything yet. So I went into my second relationship immediately because I was like, I've I've desired so much love, I I haven't had anything for so long. And I jumped into the next relationship, and the reflections come from left field. It's like, oh, a left hook, right hook. Oh, but we'll get into that in a minute, but yeah, so that was the big, big moment for me when there was more to it.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

I love that. I love it's like you've got a big download of like actually, I have a huge purpose. We all have a huge purpose on this planet. Like, I I had um maybe similar or not similar experience, but just a download where I was again just at my lowest. These things happen at your lowest when it's like, come on, pick yourself back up. But I was literally Googling mental hospitals. I was like, I must be fucking mental. Like, and I was literally Googling, okay, so what do you do? Like, can you just walk in? I was like, is there an application process? Like, because I fit the bill, like I fit the bill, and there was one down the road, honestly, Martin. I was like, just the address and everything, and then that's when I had my huge aha moment. The download that was like, and it came in so loud and clear. It was like, you are not crazy, you are not crazy, you're just actually listening to your intuition, you're not doing what you used to do. So my body felt like I was going crazy, like my mind felt like I was going crazy because I was doing things that were uncertain. Um, and that was my okay, that was my turning point. But I absolutely love how you said about timelines. Like, I feel that the mainstream spiritual and therapeutic world kind of say that you can have an overnight moment, and then you just wake up in the morning and the birds are you know buzzing outside, and everyone's like, you know, your whole reality is changed. For me, and realistically, you get aha moments that change your perspective on things, but then to do the inner work, it's more like the chip chip chip chip chipping every day, every day. Um, working at something new, and sometimes it might feel like you're going back when actually you're just getting the lesson from different angles and different viewpoints, and then you're going to be projected back onto a future higher timeline. But I love that you said that because in the past I have thought that I'm like, oh you know, why doesn't things just change tomorrow? Or but it just doesn't happen like that. And I also feel that you get more fulfillment when you've worked at something for such a long time and you get the achievement, or sometimes you don't even realize that your reality has changed around you until one day you're like, Wow, I have really, really changed, and things are so different in my life. So I love that you said that. Um, so let's fast forward a little bit. I would love for you to talk about maybe the new beliefs that you are starting to start to program in your head, starting to shift your mindset a little bit, um, and then talk about the dynamics that you're finding yourself in now. I know that you said that you got married again. Is this to the lovely Eva? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:58

It is, yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

Yeah, so if you just talk about a little bit about that and then how the shifts in thought patterns and mindset happened at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 22:08

Sure, sure. I think we we have to bring attention to that that piece first of how bad we are at seeing big picture.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

As a human, as a human being. And you said the chipping away, that is that is absolutely key. And as you've I'm sure you shared before. I'm sure you shared before, and I've shared many a time. And Eva's probably the biggest uh um supporter of this, is you have to celebrate those moments. Yeah, you gotta step back and go, wow, there's no way me two years ago could have said or made that decision. And this is where we're transitioning into now, right? So in my life, when I was in the thick of it, I there was no way I could leave. Like that idea was no, no, I I would definitely rather die than leave this relationship. That could because essentially if I leave, everything's gonna end anyway. That's the thought that you have. There's there is no way out. That that's kind of it. And you have to reach this is the whole we'll get to the very end of the reason I named my business this, but we have to get to the point where we are broken, we have to reach a breaking point, and then because as you know, higher self and source is gonna that's Lem going, right? The best way we can get in touch with you is through pain, I'm afraid, because that's the only way you're really gonna listen. So we have to make you feel as much pain as possible till you actually change something, and so that's like the huge turning point with the new beliefs, right? Is everything that we've picked up and learned was try it. I just try it, like it's free to try thinking differently. And something that I I really am fascinated by and this overnight moment. Um, have you heard of Eckhart Toll?

SPEAKER_00 24:07

Yes, yes, yes, I've got the book, uh uh power of now.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

Exactly. So you literally you open up the book and he's he's there going, Well, I sat I was sitting on my floor ready to end it all, and then it all changes. So he has this whole enlightenment moment, and we had it too, but it's not you don't know that it's that in the moment. No, it's when you look back and you go, Oh wow, that's when everything changed. And you start to make different choices. And so all of this that we learn, everything you learn about the reflections and the laws, and I'm so thankful we have an incredible mentor that shares all of this. It's all just changing your perspective and being willing to try something, but you have to get your ego out of the way. And it's the ego that got trained when we were young to look after us. And by the age of sort of 14-15, those tools almost certainly need to change with you, they need to be dropped, but we carry them, we carry them into our adulthood, and so oh, I have to do things for people to love me is not a useful tool anymore. It was great to look after me when I was a kid, but not now. And so the ultimate uh difference now for me is I will notice using my intuition as well, something a situation doesn't go the way I would like it to. So then I'll look back on it and go, why did I respond a certain way? Why did I act that way? And is it because of a tool that I'm still holding on to that is no longer the best tool for me? And when I say tool, it's like a belief system. People will often say belief system. Um and it's so much nicer now because you're like, it's an inside-out world. I have literally all the power, I can make my world whatever I want to make it, as long as I'm willing to do the work on myself. And I think ultimately I had to completely drop this idea of putting myself first with selfish. Once that was gone, and the only way I could get my ego to agree to this was if you put yourself first, then you get to help people the way you always wanted to, right? You get to put everyone else first and get the outcomes that you want for them. You actually get to change your life, but it only works if you've done all of the work yourself. So that's like the biggest, biggest shift in belief for me. And then we've got so many more things, all of the different tools and laws, and you're like opposing forces, this and bubbles and all that kind of stuff, but um, yeah, we dive into that too. But ultimately, that's it. Self-love, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 27:10

Definitely. I I love that one for me. I kind of found about out about self-love after, like my whole thing that I changed first, my belief system that I changed first was well, first of all, I realized that I had an internal world. I was like, oh, so for 95% of the day, because your subconscious is like 95%, I have like an inner world, and it's just crazy. So with with me, it was more realizing how I speak to myself in my own head. Oh, yes, and I remember saying, because I did not realise, I was literally walking around the house, walking around, doing all my stuff, going shopping, blah blah blah blah, and I had no conscious idea that I was saying repeatedly in my head that I was a stupid bitch. I was a stupid bitch, I was a stupid bitch, and I was just and I remember the first time it popped into my head, and I had the awareness that I said it to myself, and I even like looked behind. I know it's like gonna be such like one of those sitcom things, but I was just like literally like look behind me. I was like, Did I actually just say that to myself? I was like, whoa. So my big huge thing that I shifted first was I remember the first time I actually said something nice to myself. I bigged myself up. I was like, well done, Emily, and my body was like, oh, it just like melted. Yeah, how hard was that though? It wasn't that probably whoa, my body actually relaxed because I didn't realise I was I must have been literally walking around, like you know, my nervous system was so high, just did have no concept of how self-critical I was, and then once I got over that, which is still pops into my head every now and then, but this time I'm like, hell no, you are getting out, and I'm bigging myself up, but then the value thing came after for me, and that was such a huge one. Um, with me, the reflection came up in my financial area of my life. So when I started to really value myself and put myself first, I started getting like 20k months in business, and I was like, Oh, this does work, it's incredible, yeah. It's amazing. Um, but yeah, the the belief system shifts to then see on the outside, again, like what we say, it's not an overnight thing, you do have to do the inner work, but then the the wow moments that you get afterwards are just incredible. Um, do you remember yeah?

SPEAKER_01 29:55

So I was thinking I was about to say it, I need to jump in as well because I I fast forwarded a little bit, but you you've brought me back to that moment. Like I was talking about we have to get the ego out of the way. Yeah, I had an I had thought such a bully. Like my ego was awful to me. The things that I would tell myself, and this was this was like fully, fully being reflective in the beginning of the relationship with Eva, because I already thought that I was a pretty worthless person after a whole relationship and having to go through divorce is like, well, you're an absolute failure, like you didn't manage to do it. Like all your all you were supposed to do as a man in this world is have a successful relationship. And that I always had the American dream in me, even though I'm from the UK, is the relationship, the kids, the house, the the car, the bunny, etc. And it was just like you, you're a failure, like you failed at everything. And I was not very good in school. I had severe dyslexia as a kid, so I kind of like I would just about pass everything. So by the time I'm 30 and divorced, it's like, well, you are you have literally failed at life, I'm afraid. So there might be a purpose that you have, but you you've completely failed. And this internal voice had to be played out by Eva as well. So as we know, we attract the situations of what our internal voice is. And so it was just this constant loop of me beating myself up and just saying, You out, you are fucking shit at everything, like everything. Why, why do you even exist? And that's the thing that would always play. So, like your voice, it's like, what is the purpose of you if you can't do X and you can't do Y and you can't do Z? And it was that. It's what is the purpose of you if you can't do anything? That was like constant, constant, constant. And it actually took, I think I'd gotten about three years into our relationship, the new relationship. And I sat down, I was like, I don't want to be sad anymore. Like, I don't want, I just don't want to be sad anymore. And I needed to get rid of this bully, and so I still didn't know what to do at that time. And then Eva has a podcast up, and and I'm listening to this this little blonde lady just swearing her head off. But something starts to make sense. I'm like, Who's this? And it's the it's Ali Nympho, of course. And then I'm like, okay, she seems a little nuts, but then it's an interview with Ali and Alessandro I was like, Oh, he doesn't sound nuts. That sounds really nice, what he's saying. He's telling me I don't have to have a bully, basically. And this that was the whole piece with the ego. So I'm so happy that you had that moment of going, Who's that talking to me? I don't want that voice anymore because it is, it's the programmed, the little ego that got did like brought up with all of these bad tools that is holding on to something that you don't need anymore. And it's so difficult to step out and go, You're not gonna say that to me anymore. That is so hard to do, and I hope anybody that listens to this can know that you get to stop that voice, you you can stop that whole repeated awful, awful self-talk. You can get rid of it, and it's life-changing when you do that.

SPEAKER_00 33:38

Definitely. Um, I just love what you just said, and uh, I feel that it's also having the self-awareness as well. Like once you have the self-awareness, then I feel like okay, now you've crossed that milestone. Now you are now you can do something about it. But if you are not even self-aware, um, which I completely was not, maybe just have a look at what is being reflected to you at this moment in time, like what dynamics do you find yourself in? Because with my ex-partner, he was literally like every day. I I was called a stupid fucking bitch, every day, you know, like shouting, shouting. Um, I'm stupid, I've done this wrong, I've done that wrong, I've done that wrong. And then the therapy world basically tried to tell me that this had been imprinted because of him. So my internal voice, my internal world was because he imprinted all of this onto me. However, then I got the aha moment that actually no, I had that voice way before I met him. I had that voice in my teenage years, I had that voice in like literally, this was the voice that had been programmed in me most of my life. So that internal programming was there first, and then he came into my reality because that is what I was attracting at that time. So if you really feel curious about this and you don't really like maybe thinking, oh, but I'm not really self-ware, I don't have like an inner world, I don't have an inner voice. Maybe just think what kind of dynamics you are in now, and then you can kind of judge what your internal voice is through what you're experiencing at the moment that work you work backwards or whatever. There is no backwards or forwards, whatever way works for you. I think that's um that's a really, really good way to work it out and see where you are at at the moment. Um, so yeah, Martin, I would love for you to just give us like the before actually, I would love this um question just popped into my head. Do you remember a time where you had like a big spiritual awakening? Was that it when you were like listening to Ali and Al on the podcast? Or was there like another time where you were like, okay, I'm going to go fully in deep with this kind of inner work?

SPEAKER_01 36:11

That's the fully in deep part. I'm just smiling and laughing here because uh the decisions we make after this kind of enlightening moment, you go, what the I'm in here.

SPEAKER_02 36:21

Who am I? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

It's like I've never spent anything on myself other than to buy a PC, and then you're like, nope, I'm gonna give everything to this.

SPEAKER_02 36:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:31

Because it it is a specific moment. Um, it wasn't a specific moment, and I think this is the really incredible way in which Al's set up his creative field, and I'm doing my best to do this with my content, is I think many people would maybe have that moment of just that's it. But I'd been so programmed to do everything pragmatically and logically, and so when I first heard that uh that episode, I was like, I need to go listen to more of that, and it was this slow burn of that makes sense, okay. Now that makes sense, and I'd start to integrate little bits, and every single time that I did this chipping away, like right, I've learned a new law, I'm gonna go and see if I can see that in the world, or um you I gotta tell you this because this is a really crazy story of intuition, right? So you you pick up, you get told intuition's a thing. You're like, okay, cool. Well, I can kind of get on board with this, and everyone can get on board with it because everyone's had a gut instinct about something at least once in their life. You you have, you might not know you have, but you'll find it. And you go, okay, if it's just gut instinct, then fine. He's just saying, or we're learning that we can tap into having this gut reaction on demand, which is really cool. And so I'd listened to a few episodes of um uh on intuition, and I was like, Oh, we're reading lights, etc. Okay, here. So I've sat down having a coffee, and one of the things is you can tap into the light field of anything, including an inanimate object, right? So I'm sat here having my coffee now at a restaurant that's been there for a long time, and I and I go, Mart, you're crazy that you're about to try and do this, but you're gonna do it anyway because everything up until this point didn't work. So let's just we're trying something new. And I look at the steel pillar that's holding up like the conservatory part, and I'm like, Play source, give me a clear, definite lead on how old you are, steel pillar. And I turn around and I swear it's like three five. Wait, what? Wow, okay. How do I check this? So I look at the construction date of this restaurant, and it was 34 years ago. And I'm like, oh, the steel almost certainly was made for the build 35 years ago, and you just go, Yeah, but it can't be true. So you try again and you try again and you try again. You're like, what the hell? How is this how is this actually working? It doesn't make it, I just can't believe that it's actually true.

SPEAKER_02 39:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:22

So it was that slow burn buildup. I was go, okay, well, this actually works. Now he's now it's about okay, self-love. I'm gonna go sit in the mirror, I'm gonna stand, look in the mirror, tell myself something good about myself. Maybe that would work too. And the thing I found most fascinating, I think this was the the point, if there was any point where I decided I had to do this full, full on with every ounce of my being, was that one of the tasks or homeworks, and this is kind of sad, was you need to write down everything that you like about yourself. I opened my journal and I stared at it for half an hour. I couldn't write a single thing that I thought that I was good at or deserving of anything. I couldn't find a single thing. And I got really upset and frustrated and angry. I was like, Well, look, I told you I'm and I was this to this was to Eva, I told you I'm fucking worthless. Like, I am pointless, I can't find a single thing. And in all fairness, it's just like she just had to be able to put her hands up. You have to, you have to find something that you like by yourself. And I put something stupid down. I was like, Oh, I I'm good at games because I managed to do this one thing in the game that not many people have done. Maybe that's something I'm good at. And I can't, and I really, really like I went to bed that night thinking, wow, if you can't find a single thing that you think you're good at or that you love about yourself, and you're learning that people are only ever gonna reflect to you what you think about yourself, I'm not giving anyone any space to think that I'm great at anything. So, how how am I gonna do anything in life if I if I don't think I can do anything and nobody else thinks I can? So I had to shift it, and I that was it. Then I was like, right, I listened to everything, I'm gonna absorb as much of this world and idea and thoughts of everything as I can, and I'm gonna implement and I'm implement, implement. I'm gonna just do the work every, every day, every single day. And that changes everything. We know about our creative fields, you and I. Yeah, you upgrade it, and then you have to celebrate it, and you look back six months, a year later, you're like, wow, I did a lot of work, even though it was five things a day I did, five tiny things. I said something nice to myself in the mirror, or I acknowledged that I did well in a conversation, I got something good out of it, or I held a meeting and the outcome was good. Little things, little things, but it's you you're wiping out the bully and you're replacing it with somebody that goes, Good job, well done, and then everyone else can say good job, well done, and the world gets to go, good job, well done, you're the best. So it's it's it's it's so good, so good.

SPEAKER_00 42:29

It is. I I love that, and it is that tripping away process because let's just think about our brains for a second. We've had, let's say, we've had the same brain patterning for like 30 years, we've got the same neural pathways that have been strengthened and strengthened over time, over time. So it is going to take time to undo that. So your brain goes to a different pathway. So it even if it is just one like one day thing that you're working at, it is still going to make a difference. It's that compounding effect, compounding effect. And to go back when you were looking in that journal and you couldn't write one thing. I just want to say that that's amazing for Eva to be like, like she didn't feel the need to write something for you. You know, she was like, Well, you think of something and you write it down. I love I love that for you too. That's that's like really, really powerful. Um, and yeah, intuition. Like, I am still going through this process of is this real? Even though I am an intuitive, I talk about intuition all the time. I have a podcast that's called Intuitive Diaries. And still sometimes I'm like, this like I have to double check things. I have to look at the neuroscience again. And what I'm doing, and I'm sure you're doing as well, is again, we're still doing the chip chip chipping, we're strengthening our muscle memory. Strengthening our confidence in yes, intuition is real because we've been so programmed with something different. And to go back when we first came on this call, but I didn't press record yet. I was about to tell you about my rat reflection being a great one to put it in here. I think I shared it on the podcast before, but this was when um I was starting to uncover my intuition. I was on level one intuition, and I was actually like quite scared of my gift, and I was like quite scared that this was actually working, and I wasn't doing intuitive reads on people, and they were like, You were spot on, I was helping people, and then it must have been a very subconscious thought that okay, this is a lot of responsibility, it also really works, it's like magical but scientific at the same time, and just everything that comes with that, you know, the whole like fear of being seen differently and all of this. Um, so I actually didn't do the course for a whole week. I did not like it. There was just something in me that was like, okay, this isn't for me, it's too much. It was basically too real. I was like, I'm I'm too good. Like this gift is just wild, it's wild. Um, and then we started to get rats come inside our car, and we kept finding you remember it now.

SPEAKER_02 45:34

You remember it, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:37

I put it on the intuitive telegram group because I was like, guys, like someone needs to tell me what the hell. And there was like little poos on the car battery, and every day we would go and there'd be another little poo and another little poo. And I'm like, oh my god, there's actually a rat inside the car bonnet of our car. And I can't remember who gave me the intuitive read, but I was so emotional about it. I was like, somebody else tell me what is going on, and they were like, You're basically like scared of your intuition because you are not following your intuitive pools because you are not working on it, you are basically like shitting on your own gifts, you are shitting on your own power source. So, like the power source was the car battery, the car is like trying to get you forwards in life, and I was per but obviously subconsciously, but I was um sabotaging my own intuitive growth, and it was just it's just hilarious how the universe can communicates with you, like it is hilarious, and people right from the outside thinking, nah, you're crazy. I know, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:49

Like rats, how can rats shitting on my car engine be anything to do with me? And we're like, yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_00 46:59

Yeah, I know because I started the course again and there's no more rat poo. I was like, as soon as I started the course, I was like, okay, I'm gonna have to, because it just kept getting worse and worse. I was like, I'm going to have to. As soon as I picked up the course again, it was fine.

SPEAKER_01 47:14

That's incredible. I love it.

SPEAKER_00 47:16

Um, so I would love to just give the audience. This is your before and after um version. So I would love to maybe just go back a little bit and for you to talk about the stuff, the dynamics that you found yourself in in the previous version of Martin, the thought patterns that you had then, and then what you do in your daily life now, like how is your mindset now? While because of all the inner work that you have done on yourself, sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:50

It's it's almost hard to uh to step back far enough. But this is something that I like to teach as well is that intuition helps us do this, but my god, stepping back, looking at everything from that bigger picture, being somebody essentially, uh, I had a level, I had 97% blame for myself.

SPEAKER_02 48:14

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 48:15

And so and this was up until basically working with Alpha. So three years ago. So I had lived over 30 years blaming myself for almost every single thing that happened around me, to the point where I'd blame myself for something happening to somebody where I wasn't even related at all. I'd be like, oh, that just from me seeing it, I must have been the cause of this, and I'd beat myself up every single day in every way. Subconsciously, you don't know you're doing this, as you said. Like, you don't know you've got all of these voices just going, you are the cause of all these problems. And so I lived with basically fear all of the time. So I was scared that I was gonna do something wrong because I was always to blame, and so every situation I'd go into, I would try to I would try and do like a threat analysis almost. It's like what could I possibly do wrong in this situation? And if it might be going to have coffee with a friend, it's like, oh well, I need to make sure I can't ruin this, but and you hold, so I hold tension, but basically, I also my body was running on cortisol 24-7. So I I take the piss out of myself having no hair now, it's really fun to do, but essentially I started losing my hair when I was like 20, and I had been running with this this crazy levels of cortisol from poor god, uh I'd have to intuit this seven from seven years old. Wow, so I'd had more cortisol in my body through stress because I was reflecting the levels of stress my dad had through financial stress and family stress and many areas of life, and so literally it was like it had this huge effect on my body, and my creative field was just yeah, you're somebody that is gonna make everything worse for everyone around you, and I would almost opposing force myself because I wanted the opposite to that, I wanted to be the person that made everything better for everyone around myself, and so that was what I lived with. So the constant fear, then my body and my nervous system being completely engaged all the time, so on, essentially in your fight or flight, that meant I couldn't show up for anyone anymore. So in my late 20s, early 30s, I couldn't actually show up in any situation and be present. So I was it was almost like I was trapped then. I'd do everything, I try my best to have a good time, and this is where therapy kind of is tricky. It's like, oh, go take some time for yourself and listen to try and meditate. Have you ever tried to meditate when you've been in a state of absolute like stress and and I'm completely lost, I don't know what to do, and you try and meditate. All you do is give your ego a perfect, nice, quiet, like golden platter. That you go, there we go. Now I get to yell at you through like a loud speaker. Yeah, so that's what I was like. How do people meditate when my thoughts are just going, all right, free time, let's go. You are an absolute shitter. So that didn't work, and so that that's where I was. That's the before. The fast forward to thank god, literally, um finding this, and I think it's really important as well. I actually created some content on this recently. I'm not religious, like I'm not a religious person because religion comes with it all of the everything, right? It's like saying politics, people have to be divided, and just with religion, you have to be divided on it. I'm very spiritual and not religious, and I think that's really important because I think a lot of people that would listen to this, and I said thank God, and literally, but I I go, Well, I don't know what I think about God, I don't really like the I the word even. This is why we use source, and I really like uh The Matrix, like The Matrix to me is one of my biggest movies. So I'm like, oh, architect, because that makes so much sense. I'm like, we've learned all of these different laws, and we're still finding new ones, and the science behind everything is source science. I'm like, of course it's all put together, and there's even um uh a line in the Big Bang Theory where I think Sheldon says something of it's so absolutely precise. How could it be an accident? It's like it's more probable that it was created than it was an accident because of the precision in everything. And as you and I learn the the more and more levels of precision that we can have with our intuition, it just becomes more and more real. And as you say, it's a little bit scary. Like, oh my god, I have so much power. So that's and I'm amazing that you've experienced this as well, but that's where I've managed to step into now is being able to catch reflections, not always, like the big ones are really tricky, but the small ones, I can catch those, and I can always put myself first because I know that doing that gives me the power to help people the way I want to. That is my driving force now. It's like, right, how can I upgrade myself because I want to be more effective at helping the people around me and doing this work as well and helping people have that aha realization moment is the most rewarding thing in the world, and doing reads for people, it sounds maybe far-fetched, but I'm like, I spent years in therapy, and I had a read with Al, and I've done it while you've been part of our um group now and again when higher self says yes.

SPEAKER_00 54:42

When I'm not a net bull, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:45

But we've been doing this for months and months and months now, and when we do into it for each other, you cannot make that stuff up. No, and it is so freeing because people dig in and they go, Oh, uh, it's this. You go, really? And then you take two seconds, you go, Oh, it is that I never would have found that before, right? Yeah, like I did, I haven't thought of that. It could be that I haven't spoken to my mum about a thing that was going on and I've been stressing about it. It's like because I I cut my toe. It's like how can cutting my toe be related to me not having done something with my mum? But they're like, Yeah, try that, and then the week later you go, Yep, all good, no rats, right? No rat boo.

SPEAKER_00 55:34

Yeah, I love that because sometimes it's so buried in your subconscious, there's just no way that you would be able to pull it out because we are emotional about ourselves, so it's hard to do reads on ourselves, but with other people, you can just be like, Yep, it's this. What really got me with intuition is how we were all pulling the same information, so you just can't make that shit up when somebody has got a problem and everybody's looking in and everybody's like, Yep, it's this. It's like, well, how are we all getting that same information? And then how is that person getting this the aha moment and having a life change afterwards, and then seeing the outer world change? It is just too real to ignore, and I love what you were saying about the before and after. For me, it's like you just not putting yourself first, just a little bit like me, just like walking around with like frantic energy, like, okay, what can I do for people? What can I do for people? And now I feel like you are grounded, assertive, and it's being in control, like now you have the power, you are empowered to be like, right, I have got this, and I'm doing it for me, and I'm not relying on other people to make me feel good, or I'm not relying on other people to make my reality what I want it to be. I'm doing it for myself, so you're taking control and you're also taking the action. There's like one you can be aware of something, but then it takes another person to actually step forward and actually like work on this all the time, so it's just like an absolutely amazing transformation. So, thank you so much for sharing not just this work, but sharing your you know, basically your whole life and your whole um before and after with us. I've absolutely loved it. For the people who might feel pulled to and called to work with you, where can we find you?

SPEAKER_01 57:47

Yeah, so I've literally, you're gonna be the first to launch this with me, I believe. Yes, is I've created my my website reaching makingpoint.com.

SPEAKER_00 57:57

Loved that name, honestly. I loved it.

SPEAKER_01 58:00

It it that was uh essentially intuitive because for me, I loved the phrase what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, because that's basically been my life. And I I've met a lot of people uh in the work that I had did previously in software, I did a lot of travel. And when you start doing intuition and you start going, oh, I can actually help people, you get these completely random interactions. And in my creative field, is I want people to unload everything. I I'm there for the conversations that matter, and I pretty much don't care about small talk. I'm like, I don't really know about sports, I don't know those things, but if you're abused as a child, give that to me. Let's let's let's let's get work better.

SPEAKER_00 58:51

I love it.

SPEAKER_01 58:52

And I would meet people and they would just tell me about all of the moments that they needly broke. A lot of times, people like, I I tried to commit suicide, and that was a big thing. I was like, wow, this is crazy that they're telling me this. And they'd walk away going, I've never told anyone that. And I love holding that for somebody because it's like, right, we have the tools, and I can tell that that breaking point gave you all of this story because you're here today sharing this with me. I'm seeing you do what you do now. You're in this job, you're in this world, you have an impact on people. You survived because that was the point, just like we reach our breaking points, they are the points that make us. And what I want to share with people is the tools to have every moment be a making point, every reflection that we get now is oh, how can I turn this into a making point that I learned something and grow from it? So, this is what I I'm really so excited to dive into. So that's why it's reaching makingpoint.com. And just like you've had your podcast, I've I've I started uploading content that's going to continue forever, basically. So I yeah, I can't wait to for it to grow.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:12

I love it so much for sharing that. And just to pull it out there, honestly, guys, Martin is an amazing intuitive, he's really active on the Telegram group, and the information that he pulls, it's not just like a sentence, it is paragraphs and paragraphs of like amazing intuitive information. And every time I'm like wowed by just the the amount of stuff that you are pulling. So, if anyone out there feels called, please check out his website. Um, so yeah, I will thank you again. Honestly, thank you so much. It's been an absolute pleasure to have you on here, and everybody else, thank you for watching for your valuable time and energy. Please feel free to share this with anybody that you might feel it needs to hear it and would benefit them. And I will see you all on the next one.