My Personal Health Anxiety Journey - How I Got To Where I Am Now

In this episode, I talk about my own journey with health anxiety after my diagnosis in 2018 and how it completely changed the way I related to my body. I share how fear, symptom scanning and the need for certainty slowly took over my life, and why nobody explaining the nervous system side of health anxiety left me feeling stuck for years.

I also talk about one of the biggest shifts in my recovery… learning that trusting my body did not mean constantly monitoring it.

For so long, I believed that staying safe meant staying hyper aware. Checking sensations, scanning my body and constantly looking for reassurance. But what I eventually realised is that this level of surveillance was actually a sign that trust had already been lost.

I share how the nervous system can learn fear so deeply that the body begins reacting automatically before conscious thoughts even appear, because the body remembers. And how real healing for me came from slowly teaching myself that safety wasn’t found in constant checking… but in allowing my body to exist without being on high alert all the time.

This episode is for anyone who feels exhausted by the fear cycle and wants to start rebuilding trust with themselves again.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Welcome to Healing Beyond Health Anxiety, the podcast for anyone who feels stuck in fear, disconnected from their body, or exhausted from constantly monitoring symptoms and sensations. My name is Amy. I'm an ex-health anxiety sufferer, turned health anxiety coach. After my own health diagnosis and years of living with health anxiety, I know what it's like to feel betrayed by your body, to live on high alert, and to struggle to trust yourself again. Each week we'll have honest conversations about health anxiety, fear, symptoms, and recovery with practical tools and gentle shifts that will help you move forward without pressure. So take a breath, you're in the right place. Let's go. So today's episode is a really personal one. I want to talk about my own journey with health anxiety, how it started, how it spiraled, what nobody told me, and I guess how it affected every part of my life. And I suppose ultimately how I found my way through it and created the method Trust and Thrive that I now teach other people. So I think this conversation is so important. There are a lot of people who message me and are asking how I got here, what I've been through, what method I've developed. And the thing is that so many people are silently struggling with health anxiety. So many people just don't even know where to start. So I hope that this episode will really resonate with you and it will give you a bit of background into my personal journey and why I'm here and why I do the work that I do. Okay, so let's dive in. So I guess with health anxiety, we feel like we are just being careful or responsible or health conscious. But underneath all of this is fear, and that is the constant fear. Fear of symptoms, fear of uncertainty, fear of losing control, uh, fear of, I guess, fear of not feeling safe in your body anymore. And I absolutely know what that feeling is like. I feel it deeply because I lived it for years. So back in 2018, I had a health diagnosis, and at this point, something inside of me really shifted. And I don't think I really ever understood at the time how much it was going to affect me psychologically. Because when you go through something health-related, especially something that genuinely, you know, shakes your world, your body no longer feels the same, it no longer feels safe, and it no longer feels a predictable place like it once was. So before that, I think I'd moved through life quite normally. I didn't really, I don't remember analysing symptoms or sensations. I definitely had some um, I guess a generalized anxiety, but I did trust my body um in the way that most people would do, um, you know, going about their daily life. But all that changed after my diagnosis, and I guess it was like a safety switch had been flipped inside of me. And suddenly my body felt unpredictable. And I guess the thing is that once that trust is broken, your nervous system can become really hyper-vigilant very quickly. So I began noticing everything, every little sensation, every little ache, every little feeling, every symptom. Literally, I was hyper-aware and hyper-sensitive. And what people don't realize about health anxiety is it's not just worrying, it becomes a full-body experience. And your nervous system becomes trained to look for danger constantly. We're constantly looking for threat and danger. And so when your nervous system thinks you're unsafe, your brain's going to start scanning your body all day long, trying to protect you. And that's why people with health anxiety often become incredibly aware of sensations that other people wouldn't even notice. Because the brain is prioritizing threat detection. And the thing is, the more you focus on the body, the louder the body becomes. So looking back, I guess, nobody explained that to me at the time. Nobody explained that fear itself changes the way that the body feels. Nobody explained that anxiety can create very real physical sensations. And I guess ultimately nobody explained why I could leave the doctor's appointment with reassurance and yet still feel terrified 10 minutes later. So that is the part that made me feel crazy at times. Because I guess, you know, logically I could hear the reassurance, but emotionally and physically I still felt unsafe. And that's one of the hardest things about health anxiety is the disconnect between logic and feeling. Because you know you can you can know something rationally, but your nervous system still reacts as if there is danger imminent, as if as if danger is around the corner. And that's why reassurance alone doesn't work long term, okay? Because reassurance speaks to the conscious mind, but health anxiety lives in the subconscious nervous system response. And I know so many people listening will relate to this because you know you can get reassurance, you calm down temporarily, and then another sensation appears, or another thought, or another what if, and then suddenly you're back in the spiral again. So I've lived that cycle for years. I remember checking, scanning, googling, seeking reassurance, monitoring symptoms, trying to feel certain again. And the irony is that the more I tried to control the fear, the bigger it came. Because every time I checked my body, every time I Googled symptoms or sought reassurance, I was accidentally teaching my brain that there really was a danger. And I was reinforcing the fear cycle without realizing it. And health anxiety becomes exhausting because it's not just fear itself, it's the mental energy it consumes. So you can be sitting with family, you know, as I remember many a time, you know, sitting with my family, but mentally analysing symptoms. So I was, you know, watching TV, but half listening to my body, half scanning and checking. And you can wake up already scanning before your feet even hit the floor. Um, it really can steal the presence from your life, as I absolutely remember. I remember, you know, being present and in the moment and in the room, but really what I was thinking about was um my mortality, was that symptom, was how, you know, would I even be around this time, next month, week, year, whatever it was. And it not only did it steal my presence, but it also stole my relationships because at that point my husband, bless him, really didn't get it, really didn't understand health anxiety. He was, you know, what are you worrying about? You, you know, you you're over your health diagnosis, you're okay, everything's fine now. Um, and that, you know, for him, it was really hard to get his head around. But in my darkest days, you know, I just I was so consumed by the fear, and I just didn't see a way through that nothing else was sinking in. I just I couldn't focus or be part of anything else. So, what people around you don't often fully understand is what's happening internally. So to them, it can look like you're overreacting or worrying too much, but inside your nervous system genuinely feels under threat. And I remember, I remember feeling guilty a lot, guilty that my mind was always elsewhere, guilty that people around me probably felt less helpless, guilty, guilty that I just couldn't switch it off, and that I was doing something wrong. And I genuinely felt like I was the only person on this planet with health anxiety. In fact, you know, right at the beginning, I don't even remember recognizing this was health anxiety. I thought it was just a phase or something that would happen. I didn't even see it as a physical thing, you know. I just assumed this was just, you know, part of the process I was going through. Um, and there were definitely times where I felt incredibly alone because I know I did know people cared and I did, I did get the people around me wanted to help, but I just felt that they just didn't truly understand. And so when I looked for help, what very often happened is I found very surface level advice, you know. So if I went to the doctors, it was what's going on at home? Have you looked at your diet? Um, is there, are you doing some breathing? You know, how about trying these antidepressants? What about some CBT? Um, they they were just dishing out the just the the everyday scenarios that you know I'd already been through. I'd already considered all those things. In fact, I've probably done most of them by that point. Um, and so it was a really tough place because by that point I was already in the midst of clutching at straws. So I'd I was already spending thousands of pounds on acupuncture, hypnotherapy, um, all these things that I thought was going to help me, all these things that I was so invested in. So, you know, these, although some of them did help, you know, I'm not knocking these things. Um, what I wasn't appreciating then is I didn't really understand health anxiety and why my body was responding the way that it did to fear. But also I wasn't doing the two things that I teach, and that is the mind rewiring and the nervous system work. Okay, because we cannot just stop worrying, uh, we cannot just have a worry time, because if we have a symptom or a sensation, that's gonna is gonna demand our attention. Um, but I think what we've got to recognize is if health anxiety was that easy, nobody would be trapped in it for years. So, because really, you know, this isn't a lack of intelligence, most people with health anxiety are incredibly self-aware. What's happening is the issue is that the nervous system has learned fear. And once the body learns fear, it starts reacting automatically. So that's why you can have symptoms before you've even consciously thought about something, because your body remembers. Okay, your body holds the score and your nervous system also remembers. And I think another thing that made my recovery difficult initially was that I genuinely had experienced a health issue. So when you've had a real health diagnosis, it can almost feel impossible to trust your body again because you start thinking, what if they've missed something? What if this time it's different? What if anxiety makes me ignore something important? And I know many people listening are probably in that exact position. Maybe you generally have health conditions and health anxiety, and that's so difficult to manage because you're so fearful of missing something, but at the same time, you're genuinely aware that you know stress and anxiety can create all of this vicious cycle. So that combination can feel incredibly frustrating and confusing because you know you don't want to dismiss your body, but equally, fear begins distorting everything. And this is where I had to learn something really important, and that is trusting your body does not mean monitoring it constantly. Actually, constantly monitoring the body is often a sign that trust has already been lost. So, real trust is allowing your body to exist without the constant surveillance, and that alone was a huge shift for me. So I began noticing how much my nervous system was influencing my physical symptoms, and this is the part that people often misunderstand because when I talk about nervous system symptoms, I am not saying symptoms are you know completely made up or you've invented them. These symptoms are absolutely real, but fear changes the physiology. Okay, so when your body is stuck in stress mode, you can experience muscle tension, dizziness, chest pain, headaches, digestive issues, tingling, all those things, air hunger, palpitations, fatigue. You know, I could go on and on and on with so much more. Um, but the more frightened you become of the sensations, the more amplified they feel. And it come, it becomes a vicious cycle. Fear creates the symptoms, symptoms create the fear, fear increases focus, and focus increases symptoms, and round and round and round we go. So I guess looking back at the time, I didn't understand any of this. Um, so I did what most people do. I started to search for certainty, and for me, that was hours on end on Google forums analyzing symptoms. I was looking for stories similar to mine. So I would be looking for red flags of some symptom that somebody else had that meant X, Y, Z. Um, and honestly, I guess if I'm honest, I think the internet became both a comfort, it became a comfort blanket, and it also became a prison. Because reassurance online is only ever going to work temporarily, and eventually you will find a scary story, that rare case, the what if. And then the spiral begins all over again. And I think one of the saddest parts of health anxiety is how small life can become. Because I stopped living. I literally wasn't living, I was just existing. I was existing in protection mode to avoid things, to stop doing things, to wait until that thing hurt, you know, the danger had gone. I struggled to relax. I couldn't switch off. I was waking up scanning and checking before I'd even jumped out of bed. And I think, you know, the one of the hardest parts for me was I just lost joy. I'd lost the joyful part of life because my mind was waiting, waiting for something bad to happen. I definitely had periods where I felt like you know, happiness was temporary, like, you know, don't get too used to this, Amy, because something bad is always waiting around the corner. And that's such a horrible way to live because even in those good moments, I couldn't feel safe. Even in those good moments, I felt unsafe. And eventually I realized that health anxiety is rarely just about the symptoms. There's a lot more that feeds into this, and this is exactly what I teach today because it's about safety, it's about control, and it's about fear, and it's also about your nervous system trying to do exactly what it's designed to do, and that is protect you. So those things changed everything for me because what it did is it made me flip health anxiety on its head and it made me look at it from a different angle. So instead of fighting myself all the time, I started becoming curious about what my mind and body were actually doing. I started studying that nervous system regulation, I started learning about rewiring my brain, I started learning about the subconscious patterns that were keeping me stuck, and I started understanding why reassurance doesn't create lasting safety. And I also remember something huge because most people only do half the work. They either do work on the thoughts or on the body, but health anxiety recovery needs both. You cannot think yourself out of something your nervous system is reacting to, and equally, you cannot calm the body long term if fearful thought patterns are constantly re triggering it. So those two things became the foundation of the method that I now teach, and that's called the trust and thrive method. And one of the biggest parts of my work is teaching people to separate themselves from the fear voice because you are absolutely not your fearful thoughts, and that distinction matters so much. So I often explain it as there is a conscious you, you know, that logical, grounded part of you, and then there's the protective subconscious mind whose job is to keep you safe. The problem is that sometimes the subconscious becomes so overprotective, it starts seeing danger everywhere. And once people learn how to separate that uh that fear voice instead of becoming fused with it, everything starts changing. Because instead of instantly reacting to every fearful thought, you become you begin pausing, you begin questioning, you begin choosing responses differently. So that's where my freedom started, and that's how I now teach what I teach and how I get the results that I do. Um, we're not looking to never feel anxious again, but we are looking to no longer automatically obey fear. Um, and and honestly, that work, it that work changed my life. And you know, I want to say that this didn't happen overnight. And anyone who is listening who's after a quick fix, it's not going to happen. I'm really sorry. This is gonna take hard work and commitment, and you've got to push yourself and you've got to be consistent and you've got to show up even when you find it really tough. Um, there is no one magic technique, and I really wish there was. Um, but we can absolutely rewire our brains through consistency, through repetition, through teaching our nervous system safety again. And that's so important to say because, you know, social media for one often sells healing is quick and easy, and just do this and you'll feel so much better. But honestly, if that's what you're coming up against, if you're finding those people who are telling you this, I would really question it because you know, genuine healing is usually gradual, it's gonna take time, it's gonna build through small repeated moments of responding differently. And you know yourself, if you do the same thing, you're only going to expect the same results. So, what we do is we respond differently. And over time, your brain is gonna learn we are safe, we don't need to panic, we don't need to monitor constantly, we can live again without that fear, and that's what recovery really felt like for me. So, not the complete disappearance of every sensation, because you know, I still have sensations all the time, even today, right? They're still there. Um, but I've rebuilt the trust back in my body, and so you know, looking back, I can honestly say that my lived experience became my purpose. And that's what drives me because I made a promise to myself in those darkest days that if I ever got through this, then I would help other people do the same. So that is my driving force, and that is what you know gives me the passion and the purpose to help other people achieve exactly the same. So when I work with my clients now, I truly understand what they're feeling because this is a lived experience. And I understand, you know, that terror before the appointments or the panic over waiting for results, those obsessions over the symptoms. Um, I also understand how exhausting this is. Living in a state of hyper-vigilance, but I also understand the grief, you know, the grief of those lost years. I will never get those years back. Those years when my children were young, I don't remember. I was there, I see photos. Can I remember myself actually doing the things or being there? I can't. And that's really sad, and that's something I don't want to see you go through. I do not want to see you grieving these years that you lost. So that's why you know I am here to help you move forward in whatever capacity you choose. I have lots of free resources, I have lots of ways that you can work on your own, self-guided, um, via my reset. Um, and I also have a group and a one-to-one session that absolutely I would love you to get involved in. Because the thing is, health anxiety steals so much more than people realize. And now I know, now I know recovery is possible, um, and I've seen it so many times. It's not about perfection, um, it's about being able to change the way that you respond so that you respond differently to that cycle and really start to get to grips with not looking for certainty, but recognizing that you are in control, even in those moments where you don't feel you are. So if you're listening today and recognizing yourself in this episode, I want you to know that you certainly aren't weak. You know, this is something that everybody goes through with health anxiety. It's really normal, but your nervous system has learned fear. And anything that we learn can a hundred percent be unlearned too. Okay, so that's slowly, that's safely, that's consistently. Um, and because that's exactly why I do this work now, because I know how lonely this experience can feel. And I also know how life-changing it is when somebody finally explains what's happening in a way that makes sense. So I hope that that's something that I can do for you today. I really hope that I can help you understand health anxiety because when we can understand something, it automatically takes away some of that fear. Okay, so if this episode resonated with you, I'd love you to share it with somebody who may need it. And if you want support from someone who truly understands this journey from both lived experience and professional experience, you can always find ways to work with me. I will list this below this episode. So I offer one-to-one coaching, group coaching, nervous system recovery resources designed specifically for people who are struggling with health anxiety. And more than anything, I want this podcast to remind you that your life does not have to stay on hold forever. You do not have to stay trapped in fear forever either. You can absolutely rebuild trust, you can absolutely calm your nervous system, and you can stop living in constant survival mode. You can absolutely start feeling present again in your life too. Thank you so much for listening. Welcome to Healing Beyond Health Anxiety, the podcast for anyone who feels stuck in fear, disconnected from their body, or exhausted from constantly monitoring symptoms and sensations. My name is Amy. I'm an ex-health anxiety sufferer, turned health anxiety coach. After my own health diagnosis and years of living with health anxiety, I know what it's like to feel betrayed by your body, to live on high alert, and to struggle to trust yourself again. Each week we'll have honest conversations about health anxiety, fear, symptoms, and recovery with practical tools and gentle shifts that will help you move forward without pressure. So take a breath, you're in the right place. Let's go.