Resistance and Recovery: Finding Your Way Forward

In this podcast episode, I talk about something that stops so many people from moving forward with health anxiety, and that is resistance.

The truth is, anxiety often feels more familiar than freedom. As strange as it sounds, the patterns we've repeated for years can start to feel safe. The checking, the Googling, the appointments, the constant searching for answers. They become part of our normal.

I see this all the time with clients. They tell themselves they'll start recovery after one more test, after one more appointment, when they feel more confident, when life is less stressful, or when they finally have certainty about their health. But what often looks like a lack of motivation or discipline is actually resistance.

One of the biggest things I share in this episode is the difference between preparing to recover and actually recovering.

Preparing looks like researching, analysing, listening to podcasts, reading books, booking appointments and gathering information. It feels productive, but it's still keeping you in the waiting room of recovery.

Recovery begins when you start taking action despite the fear.

It starts when you stop checking. When you resist the urge to Google. When you sit with uncertainty instead of trying to solve it. When you choose to trust yourself even though every part of you wants reassurance.

So many people think they need confidence before they take action. But confidence doesn't come first. Confidence is built by taking action. Trust is built by taking action.

Recovery isn't about getting rid of every symptom or reaching a point where you feel completely certain. It's about learning to live alongside uncertainty without letting it control your life.

As you listen to this episode, I want you to ask yourself one question:

Where is resistance showing up for me right now?

Because often the thing you're resisting most is the very thing that will move you forward.

And sometimes resistance isn't a sign to stop.

It's a sign that you're standing right on the edge of change.

And on the other side of that change is freedom.

Connect & Work With Me

If you’re ready to move beyond health anxiety and start truly healing, I’d love to support you.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Welcome to Healing Beyond Health Anxiety, the podcast for anyone who feels stuck in fear, disconnected from their body, or exhausted from constantly monitoring symptoms and sensations. My name is Amy. I'm an ex-health anxiety sufferer, turned health anxiety coach. After my own health diagnosis and years of living with health anxiety, I know what it's like to feel betrayed by your body, to live on high alert, and to struggle to trust yourself again. Each week we'll have honest conversations about health anxiety, fear, symptoms, and recovery with practical tools and gentle shifts that will help you move forward without pressure. So take a breath, you're in the right place. Let's go. Hello and welcome back to my podcast. Thank you so much for being here. So today I want to talk about something that I think affects every single person who is trying to make a change in their life, whether that's recovering from health anxiety or just building confidence, improving their mental health, maybe just starting a business or creating healthier habits. It's something that most people don't even realise is happening, and yet it can quietly keep us stuck for such a long time. And that is resistance. So the reason why I want to talk to you about this today is because it's something that I've been noticing a lot recently with my own clients, and before people get to me, there is a huge barrier to breakdown. And I think the thing is that we often can tell ourselves that we want to change, right? We we definitely know that. We know this is not a place where we want to be, but unfortunately, it can start to feel a bit comfortable. So whilst we don't enjoy being here, it's something that we are familiar with. Okay, so because it's familiar, it can also feel safe. And that's where it can be quite a challenge here. And I have a lot of people that come to me and speak to me and really want to do the work, but when it comes down to the crunch, they can't quite do it. And I've wondered about this for so long because I've wondered is this something with me? Is it that they they don't feel they can trust me, or is it that they don't feel that they can trust themselves in in creating and achieving the results that I know I can get them? And I've wondered this and contemplated this for quite a while now. And I think really what it comes down to is resistance, it's the fear that is consuming us so much, it lies behind any of those decisions and any of those big decisions. Because we know that we want change, but actually we don't know anything beyond that. And so anything beyond that is uncertain and uncomfortable and challenging and different. And so because we have that and because we don't like that, remember health anxiety is very much about the desire to have control. This can stop us, and I see this so much in my work. I would love to say that I speak to everybody I speak to, then become a client, but they really don't because I think there is a barrier there that that voice, that protective person says, Do you know what? This is something that is not achievable for you, or do you know what? This is you've been stuck here for so long that I don't think you'll ever reach what Amy is talking about, or that place is not available to you. And that's really sad because absolutely 100%, if you're listening to this now, you can absolutely get to wherever it is that you want to be. It takes two things it takes consistency and accountability. And if you can do it, if you can absolutely be aware of where you want to get to, what your life would look like, if you can visualize it, then 100% you can get there. But the problem that we find so often with health anxiety is because we've been stuck here for so long, we often forget who we were anyway. We forget what our life was like, we forget how to live, we forget all of those things. And so actually, the decision to make a start becomes so hard because you forget that person that can do those things, and you become that person that is consumed and controlled by health anxiety. So I think this is really important, and I wanted to bring it up today because I see it an awful lot, and I get it, right? I was there too. I absolutely get it. But this is the reason why I wanted to talk about it because I've seen it so much. And the thing is, we we know we want it, we want that freedom, we want to be able to stop overthinking and worrying and checking. But when it comes down to actually doing those things that are gonna help us move forward, sometimes we find it extra hard. Sometimes we will say things like, you know, I'll do that tomorrow, I'll put it off till tomorrow, I'm gonna start tomorrow, or I'm gonna get this result from this test. And when I've got that, I know I will be starting. That's when I'm gonna start when I get that result. But as we know with health anxiety, we move from one thing to the next. We are never fully satisfied because we are symptom-led, and our bodies create symptoms, that's what they do. You know, if you've slept funny in the night, you you've probably got an uncomfortable back. So I think this is the problem, and this is where we get to in that, you know, there is always something. And what do they say that, you know, tomorrow never comes? So actually, the only thing that is stopping you here is the resistance, the resistance for change. And that's really hard because I can't help you with that. I absolutely cannot stop you uh from continuing to resist things. But I can help shine a light on that for you, and I can help you see that that is a hurdle that's in your way. We feel like if we put things off, then we'll find that perfect moment. Often we convince ourselves that, you know, we're not quite ready yet. But what's interesting is that most people think this means that they're unmotivated or lacking discipline. I don't actually think that's true. I think what is really happening is that they're experiencing resistance. And I remember this so clearly from my own health anxiety journey, because at the time I genuinely believed that I was doing everything possible to get better. I was reading all the books, I was listening to podcasts, you know, bearing in mind there wasn't so much available back in the day when I had health anxiety. But I was watching videos, I was researching things, I was going to all the appointments, trying to understand exactly what was happening to me. But looking back now, I can see that although I was incredibly busy, I spent hours every day thinking about recovery. But despite all that effort, I wasn't actually moving myself forward. So, what I was doing is I was preparing to recover rather than recovering itself. And there's a huge difference between those two things. So preparation feels really productive because we're doing something, we're gathering information, we're learning, we're analyzing, we're trying to understand. But when you're recovering, that often takes us to stop gathering information and actually start taking action. But that is the exact moment where resistance is going to show up. So the funny thing about resistance is that rarely it sounds negative. So it doesn't usually say things like, you know, stay stuck. It doesn't say don't recover. What it is gonna sound like is it's gonna sound incredibly sensible. It's gonna sound like I just need this one more test first, or I just need to understand this symptom before I can move on. Or life is a bit hectic right now. I've got so much going on. I'm just gonna get through these birthdays and get through this time in my job or this project or whatever it is. And then once that's done, I'll focus properly on that next month. Or I'll start when I feel more confident or comfortable or whatever it is. But the problem is that confidence doesn't usually arrive before action. Confidence is something that develops because of the action. So I see this all the time in the work that I do. People desperately want to trust their bodies again, but trust isn't going to be built by thinking about trusting your body, it's only going to be built by trusting, repeating doing the thing. Okay, repeating, choosing not to react every time fear shows up. So people want confidence around symptoms, but confidence doesn't come from eliminating every single symptom. That is not how it works, and I think that's high expectations that people put in themselves. But remember, even people without health anxiety have symptoms. Our bodies are our bodies and they do this stuff, that's what they do. We can't eliminate that. We're asking the unachievable. So we're not looking to eliminate every symptom. Our confidence is going to grow when we learn that we can cope with uncertainty even when those symptoms are present, even when they are there, when they're real. That's when we're going to learn the most. But people miss that bit because they believe that recovery will happen when the fear disappears. That's never going to happen. Not until you retrain your brain. Initially, that is never going to be the case. So recovery actually begins when you start moving forwards in any small way, despite the fear being there in the background. So when I work with my clients, one of the biggest things we uncover is they're often waiting for a feeling before they take action. People are waiting for that green flag, you know, off you go, go for it, you should do it. But what they don't realize is that actually our subconscious mind, the protective part that wants to keep us safe, is actually really happy in this place. It actually really likes you being just stuck in this life, in this small world, because that's where it feels comfortable, that's where it feels certain, that's where it feels it has control, that's where it feels familiar. So all of those things make it really comfortable. And whilst you're probably thinking, oh, Amy, I actually really don't want to be stuck here, I really am not enjoying my life in any way. I can tell you now there's a part of you that feels comfortable in that. And that's hard to hear. That's really hard to hear. But we like familiarity, we like to know what's coming. And unfortunately, when we get stuck in this pattern and this habit, and that's exactly what health anxiety is, it becomes familiar. So we almost become, we almost wait to feel motivated before we start exercising or doing that thing. You know, we wait for motivation, but it's the opposite way around. Like we start to feel more motivated when we start doing the exercise. Have you ever really wanted to go and do that exercise class or get to the gym? Have you really been like so super keen and motivated to go before you get there? Chances are, if you're anything like me, probably not. But when you get there and you do the thing, you start to feel motivated. You start to feel your body change and you have more energy and you start to feel fitter and healthier and all those things. And so the motivation comes as a consequence of doing the thing. And it's exactly the same with health anxiety recovery. We're not going to go, yay, this is it. I love it. I, you know, I hear everything you say, Amy, and I really want to do it, and I'm going to throw myself in. Well, some people do. But most people have a little bit of a caveat to that. They're saying, I don't know, I feel uncomfortable in not knowing, in not knowing how your program works, Amy, or what's involved, or what it might mean for me, or maybe I can't do this, and maybe this is something that I'm always stuck with. And so all of those voices are coming from your subconscious. And it happens to keep you stuck, to keep you safe, to keep you small, to keep your world exactly the way that it is right now. And I'm sorry if this is a hard truth, but I feel it's really important to say because I'm seeing this so often in the work that I do. And it frustrates me because the amount of people that I speak to, and I know I can help them, but I just need them to take that one extra step. They're teetering on the edge, they're there, they're ready, they're hungry for it. I know I can see it in their eyes, but I can't quite get them to take that next step. And that's frustrating for me and for them because I know I can help. I know that this is relatively straightforward. It's about changing your fear response. And I know that what I do works, and that's why it can often be frustrating. So when they're waiting to feel calm before they stop checking symptoms, or they're waiting to feel certain before they stop Googling, or they're waiting to feel ready before they commit to my change. The difficulty is that feeling they're waiting for is on the other side of action. So you don't become confident and then stop checking. You stop checking and then gradually become confident in that response that you've taken. And that's the same with trusting, right? You stop seeking reassurance and then you gradually build trust. Okay. You don't become fearless and then suddenly start living your life. You start living your life and then gradually discover that fear doesn't have so much control as you thought. I think one of the reasons resistance is so powerful is because it disguises itself as self-protection. Your mind genuinely believes it's helping you. And it believes that by delaying that action, avoiding that discomfort and staying in that familiar pattern is going to keep you safe. And so remember, at the root and the heart of health anxiety is our safety, is our desire to protect ourselves. It's how we're built as humans and it's how we're wired. But we know that that problem is that familiar doesn't always mean healthy. So for many people with health anxiety, that cycle of checking, of googling, of analyzing and monitoring, it feels familiar, but it's become a habit and it's become a routine. And it might be exhausting, but it's predictable and you know it and you understand it. And your nervous system knows how to operate there because chances are it's been there for so long is what it knows now. So when we're talking about recovery, on the other hand, that is going to feel unfamiliar. And anything unfamiliar can absolutely feel uncomfortable, even if ultimately it is good for us. So I often say that the mind would rather stay in a familiar prison than step into an unfamiliar freedom. And I'm hoping that this is going to resonate with you. Because I know when people hear that, they usually nod because deep down they know it's true too. We cling to patterns that aren't serving us simply because we know them, we know how they work, we know what to expect. And letting go, stepping into uncertainty, is exactly what health anxiety struggles with. So that's why I believe recovery isn't really about eliminating uncertainty. It's not about increasing your ability to tolerate it. That was one of the biggest turning points in my own journey, because for years I thought my goal was to find certainty. I thought that if I could just get that right answer, that right test, that right reassurance, or that right piece of information, whatever it was, then I would finally relax. But what I know now and what I found out is that every answer simply created another question. And every reassurance soon wore off. Every test led to another doubt. And eventually I realized the problem wasn't with the lack of certainty. The problem was with my inability to sit with uns. So that really changed everything for me because it shifted my focus away from trying to control life. Okay, and I recognized that I control everything. Not everything is in within my control. And that's where real freedom started to emerge and where things really started to change for me. Because there came a point where I had to push myself past feeling comfortable. So if you're listening to this and you're feeling stuck right now, I want you to start becoming curious rather than critical. Instead of asking yourself what you're doing wrong, I want you to start asking yourself where resistance might be showing up. Is it showing up in the way that you're delaying things? Is it showing up in the way that you keep searching for more information? Is it showing up in the way that you keep waiting for the perfect moment to start? Because very often the thing that's keeping us stuck isn't the lack of knowledge. It's resistance to the discomfort that growth requires. And I think this relates to so many other things. I certainly relate to a lot of this and building my own business, putting myself out here for somebody that's quite shy and retiring in real life, hosting a podcast. That took a lot and I had to push myself. And it's exactly the same with any type of recovery. I think the reality is every meaningful change in life requires us to walk through a period of discomfort. There is absolutely no way around this. The people who move forward aren't necessarily the bravest, smartest, or I don't know, even the most confident. They're simply the people who stop waiting to feel ready and they start taking small steps anyway. So that's what I want to leave you with today. I want you to know that resistance is not a sign that you're failing. Resistance is often a sign that you're standing at the edge of change. So the question is whether you're going to listen to it or whether you're going to take the next step anyway. Because every time you do, you're building trust, you're building confidence, and you're teaching yourself that you can cope. And the little bit, little bit, the more we do this, those small moments start to add up to something much bigger. And on the other side of that is your freedom, is a very different life away from this fear narrative that is keeping you stuck and holding you down. And if you're ready for that, I'm a hundred percent here for you. Thank you so much for listening, and I'll see you next time.