Mommy T Rex Learns To Breathe

You can love your kid fiercely and still feel like you’re one overstimulating moment away from snapping. We sit down with Kaylee, founder of House of Joie and a trauma-informed educator, to talk about what actually helps when emotions get big, not just for children, but for us as moms, too. The through-line is simple and radical: emotional safety is not separate from learning, behavior, or connection. It is the foundation.

We trace Kailey's shift from the classroom into motherhood, postpartum boundaries, and the community she built through Mamas and Minis, a space designed to help families feel supported and seen. Along the way, we question the industrial-age expectations baked into parenting and schooling, from “one right path” success stories to the pressure to give endlessly without receiving. We keep coming back to reciprocity, the idea that healthy relationships include give and take, and that kids benefit when they see us regulate, reflect, and repair in real time.

Then we get practical: why play is serious nervous system work, how interactive learning makes reading and screen time more meaningful, and how to talk to kids with respect and clarity without defaulting to “because I said so.” We also share what we’re creating together, including Little Moments Big Calm at Kindred and Company in Post Falls, Idaho, plus Luma, a story-based way for kids to practice mindfulness tools and emotional awareness before the meltdown hits.

If you want calmer days without chasing perfection, listen now, share this with a mom who needs it, and please subscribe and leave an honest review so more families can find these tools.

GET YOUR FAMILY TICKET for Big Moments, Little Calm here: https://pay.theburnedoutb.com/8d6924ca-38e3-4940-a120-0fc

Follow House of Joie on Instagram Here: @House.of.joie

Thanks for listening! 

Go deeper and continue the conversation with me on Patreon: Nicole Smith - The Burned Out B

Connect with me on instagram: @theburnedoutb

I'd love for you to message me what you thought, what it made you think about, your reflections, and of course what’s been coming up for your or causing you to feel ungrounded lately. I will never share your name or info unless you say it’s okay!

Transcript

Tempo: 120.0

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Hey mama, if you're excited for reacting to the world instead of shaking it, you're in the right place. Where we hear it from the way and we start caring from you are influencing the future of our women. So no pressure. But also kind of pressure. Let's do this consciously. I have been really looking forward to this conversation because it's one thing to talk about these ideas on your own, but it's an entirely other thing to sit down with someone who is living and breathing this work in such a very real way. So today you get to meet Kaylee. And you know what? I'm just going to cue it up and let you listen for yourself. Enjoy. Today's conversation is really special for me because I'm not just talking with a guest. I'm talking with someone that I have had the honor of creating alongside. Hayley is the founder of House of Joie, an educator, instructional coach, and someone deeply rooted in relational trauma-informed practices. She has spent years working across diverse school environments, supporting children and their families, and helping create spaces where kids feel safe, keen, and truly able to learn and grow. And what I love most about Kaylee's work personally is that she doesn't separate learning from emotional safety. She understands that they're deeply intertwined. And so together, we've been collaborating on something really special, which we will talk about in just a little bit, designed to support moms and their little ones in navigating big emotions in very real and practical ways. So if you've ever found yourself in the middle of a meltdown, your child's or your own, and thought there has to be a better way to move through this, then this conversation is for you. Kaylee, I'm so excited to have you here.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

I am so excited to be here. Thanks for having me. Of course.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

I actually would like to share how I know you, if that's all right. Yep, sounds good. Okay, so I met Kaylee when we were both little baby teachers. She was a little bit babier than me, and I actually got called into the principal's office. But they didn't even call me directly. They called my teacher dad and we're like, Can you bring Nicole down to the office? Oh my gosh. Okay, I didn't know the story.

unknown 3:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

So I go down there and we're both sitting there and like we're both steeled, like ready. Like, this is gonna be something awful. Because, like, why would they call my work dad about this? And principal is sitting across and looks at me and is like, How do you feel about sharing your room for one period of the day? And I was like, Well, one, I don't think I actually have a choice here. And that is what I said. And he looked at me and was like, Well, you don't, but I thought it would be nice to ask. And I was like, Well, of course, like, of course, it's like no big deal at all. Like, I'm not doing anything in there on my prep. And then I got the best because I just like I love your style. I love how you teach, I love how relational it is. And so I just remember being like in the back of my room setting up little chemistry labs, and then Kaylee working with her students and teaching them. Was it history at that point?

SPEAKER_00 4:13

Yeah, so I was teaching social studies to preliminary and like introductory intermediate English language learners in the chemistry room in Pornicole. I'm like, yeah, so I'm just gonna take this over. And it was a year where you had, I think, a biking accident when I didn't even like it. It was my first year teaching, and I had student taught at this school, so I knew the school, but I it was my first year, you weren't even there. So I'm just like in your room with a there's a sub in there. I'm like, okay. I at the time, I mean, yeah, I was not certified to teach social studies either. I didn't have my certification for it. So I was like panicking because I'm in there and they were putting me in this room and I'm saying to everybody, like, I'm not certified to teach this. They go, no, no, no, you're just going to take the test, you're gonna do it. I'm like, what? What? They're like, Yeah, you'll okay, you'll take the test, you'll pass. I'm like, ah, okay. They just throw me in to teach social studies and in the chemistry room with somebody who I don't even get to meet beforehand and be like, hey, like I'm gonna be in your room.

SPEAKER_01 5:23

I actually really loved it though, because I I love history. I think it's like the key of everything that's gone on in the world. And so I loved having your history posters all up over the back of my walls. Like it was nice. I'm like, can I take up some space? They're like, yes, take up space. I have not decorated. Oh, that's hysterical. I actually didn't put it together that that was the same year that I, yeah, I had gotten a concussion. I fell off a bike because I'm such a good biker. Um and yeah, to have a substart my year. And so like, I think I came back like a week in, and I just remember sitting in front of the classroom and being like, Well, I'm your real teacher.

SPEAKER_00 6:05

Funny how those things happen. But no, it I felt very lucky because, well, especially in hindsight, because I've had to share rooms since then. And I'm like, oh, I didn't know how spoiled I was when this started because I had such a good situation with you. And I always looked up to you. I was like, oh my gosh, she's like has everything posted so perfectly. She's got this and this and this in order. All of her kids just talk so highly about her. Yeah, it was yeah. I I really appreciated being with you for that time.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

That's that's really nice to hear even now. And I think that that just like speaks to this reciprocal relationship that we continue to have, even though both of us are out of the classroom at this point. Yes. And so I would love it if you would tell me a little bit about what you're doing now and specifically let's I mean, let's start with House of Joa.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Okay. So I I'm gonna rewind a little bit from there just to give context, but I got pregnant while I was teaching and which we were thrilled about, but I was kind of having this really hard year of teaching just with some of the just stuff going on in general in the building. And I was just it was just a hard year for me. I was doing, I had my hand in too many things, was working too many jobs at the school, was saying yes to too many things, was not maintaining the boundaries I should have maintained. And so when I got pregnant, I said, like, I've got to say no to some stuff. And luckily, I had a relationship with my administrators and with people where I was able to say no to things, and I was able to say, like, this is what I'm capable of doing. But then I had my baby, I went on maternity leave, I came back to work for two weeks. And because I had such a good relationship with admin, I said, Hey, here's the deal. I'm either you can have me part-time or I'm quitting because I don't, I don't feel like this is serving me. I don't feel like this is the place for me with a young baby at home. And as somebody who was struggling with some postpartum mental health issues, it was really just not so many of us too. Yeah, it was not like it was not serving me in the way that it needed to, and therefore I wasn't able to serve my students or the community. And we worked in a school that really needed you to be there emotionally for your kids, and I just didn't have the capacity at that point to do it in in the way that our current system is set up and needing us to to do that. I was working all with immigrant and refugee kids who had been through very traumatic things. And you know, as soon as I had my baby, I was having a hard time kind of separating stuff, and I knew that I needed to move on and shift where where I was putting my energy and how I was kind of just moving through life. And I knew that I could, I loved the idea of being a stay-at-home mom, but I needed something more to do within that. And so I came up with the idea of house of joie, which originally I was like, oh, this will be fun. I'll use it kind of to share some fun things on Instagram of me like putting things together and planning events. And kind of a month in, it transformed into something that's become even bigger and better and exciting for me. And it is what it is today, which is this kind of like, I would say just a lifestyle community, but it's focused on the enrichment of kids from an educational standpoint, but also in working in a way that we are really nurturing the whole child and the whole person. So this is for the moms as well and the dads and whoever wants to be a part of it. It's about really honoring who you are as a whole person and the beauty that comes within life all with that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:21

It's beautiful, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

So very fun.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

I love that because number one, like you started with something and then followed, you know, kind of I call it following the curiosity of like where could this develop into, and just really allowed that to unfold naturally. And I think that's mamas and minis.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

Yeah, so a big part of House of Shoah turned into this little subsect called Mamas and Minnie's, which is a mom's group that I run. And I was craving community when I had my baby. And I also think in hindsight, I was missing some of the components of teaching that I loved so much and coaching. I was instructional coaching too when I left my job. I missed A, being able to be creative, but B, being able to really be a part of something and be a part of community and learn from others and talk with others. I mean, Nicole, you and I have talked about this many times, but my classroom was not, I wouldn't say that we were the most like academically rigorous classroom. I mean, we got stuff done, but I taught kids way more about life than I did any content. And then I was like, where does this live now that I'm not here? Where can I have this? And the next natural step felt like putting together something for moms and for their little ones.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

And that small community benefit, like that is something that I think is I would love to see so many more groups like that because when we get in that, you know, small community and we're able to kind of communicate with each other's and feel each other's struggles and get to know each other. I mean, I am a part of that group and my kids aren't even that many anymore. And um, what I would share about that is that, you know, with my kids being a little bit older, my reasons for initially bringing them to those events were a little bit different. I wanted my teenage daughter to be in a room with women who had done very interesting things, who had traveled a lot, who could mirror back to her in a different way than her high school friends were mirroring to her her own value. And one of the very first parties we went to, actually, Kaylee, because she does these little details so beautifully, had these little cards that everyone could fill out for each other. And it was like, it was something like this thing that I noticed about you that I really liked. And the things that people wrote, like I'm already getting goosebumps on my legs about this to my daughter, were things about her ambition, about her interest and her curiosity. And she still has them taped up on her wall. So she is constantly.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

It's like makes me up emotional. Like it's the cool, those are the things. I mean, it seems so little, but like that's what House of Schwa in general is. It's taking those little moments and making them the magic that help guide you like throughout your life, and that you can honor and you can recognize in yourself and then make something of that.

SPEAKER_01 13:49

And this is like you're doing this with real families, with real kids. This is not theory, this is practice. And really what I've seen in and like I'm not my kids aren't even the intended necessarily the intended demographic, is just that that thread of emotional safety is so foundational that it's not optional. That is a requirement, that is a value, and then it really runs through everything that you do.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Yeah, that's a big part of our mission. It's it's something that is at the forefront when you know we meet someone and invite someone to be a part of the group. And it's funny, I've never met someone and been like, oh, they're not made for our group. Anyone is welcome to be a part of this. And I think that, you know, in the grand scheme of things, I've talked to people about like it would be so fun to have mamas and minis throughout different parts of the country where we can be forming these things and having these spaces, and to speak to the way that it's turning into something more for me and bigger is because your older kids are a part of it. You were one of the people who said, Yeah, I want to be a part of this, but my kids are a little bit older, but we're gonna do it. And this is why I think it's important. And from there, I was able to talk to so many moms with older kids, and they were going, Wow, this is really amazing. And I see it with both your daughter and your son, they're mentors to our little ones, but they're also interacting with the adults in a way that is really beautiful. We're creating, you know, in a world or in an environment or society where we're so individualistic, we're really valuing the communal aspect of things and the strengths that we all bring. And we're inviting people in. That I think is the coolest part is that this is, you know, I say, instead of saying to people like, what how are we preparing our kids for society? We should be saying, what kind of society do we want to invite our kids into? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:52

And okay, this is why this is why we work so well together, is because that is like my entire manifesto is the world does not change from the top down. It changes from our homes out. And it's about, you know, raising up a generation of kids that know themselves, that know their value, that are kind, that want to contribute to the world around them, and that really value everybody's unique skills and characteristics. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. So to just kind of transition to the next thing kind of on my list, I think that something that we don't talk enough about, and you're perfect for this because you have such a deep sense of self is what do we actually believe about parenting underneath everything social, all of the expectations? What matters the most to you and how you're showing up for your son?

SPEAKER_00 16:49

Yeah. So parenting and like our philosophies of parenting are so important in setting the precedence of what you want to build with your kids. And I think that this is all intertwined, right? I mean, if we think about kind of how our schools are built right now and the ways that we are structuring things for kids or just the system in general, you have to look at history and you have to go, wow, this was made our modern system along the same time of the industrial revolution. I mean, you think of things like Bells and our age-based grade system and standardized testing and all of those things. Those were made alongside a society that was needing to have kids find ways to be productive and go and work in factories. And that mirrors what was happening with parenting at the same time. And so unfortunately, I feel like we kind of have this break because you've got a bunch of moms now, or a bunch of parents, I should say, who, you know, I think it's probably a lot of millennials or people who are kind of experimenting or dipping their toes into these new things. They have kids now, they're going, something doesn't feel right, but and they're and they're changing something about their parenting style, or they're looking for alternative ways to do things, but then their kids are going to schools in this antiquated system, right? So for me, I knew prior to being a mom that this kind of new age looking at the whole child was the most important way that we could raise kids. For me, that was my that was how I looked at everything. And I said, especially for the students I was working with, you need to know your kid, and we need to be fostering what's best in that kid, whatever that looks like. And that is so different from how I grew up. And I grew up in a wonderful situation. I went to, you know, these amazing private schools. I went to this all-girls Catholic school in Colorado that was phenomenal and I had this great experience. And I think back about a lot of the things that they did really well, like you know, service learning and outreach for others and talking about the important things going on in society. But then something sticks with me. And it's their pride, I guess, that was every student got into a four-year university. That was what was expected. We all got into a four-year university, and you went to a four-year university. That when I was in school, there was no such thing as taking a gap year. There was no such thing as going and doing a trade. There was not, at least in my environment, it wasn't like, oh, you want to go into the military? Cool. Let's find ways to foster that and serve that. We were really creating this pipeline. So, you know, what was happening in the Industrial Revolution, you're creating kids that are able to work in factories. We were creating kids that were going to go to four-year universities and then into the corporate system. So when I became a teacher, I just it's something felt different for me, especially meeting all these kids that were from all these different parts of the world with different cultures, different identities, and then also a blessing. I mean, you know, we can talk about a lot of the gaps in our system in our schools, but I was working in a place where it was encouraged to explore different futures for kids. And that was extremely eye-opening. And I think all of that together kind of informed who I am as a mom today, because I already knew what I wanted and I knew what was important. And it's really fostering that whole child. It's creating the space for them to learn. I mean, it's a lot of like Maria Montessori, but also this feeling of just, I don't know, maybe going back to even before the industrial revolution. I keep saying that, you know, I keep using this as a marking point, but really it's like before industrial revolution, after industrial revolution. I mean, in some ways, we need to go back to that kind of just natural lived experience and just being with our kids and learning about the earth and learning about the things that happen in society and talking with people. And that to me is most important in raising my child.

SPEAKER_01 21:38

I love that. It actually blends perfectly with. I mean, I just have the kind of older age range end of that. And really before Industrial Revolution, it was a lot more communal. It was, you know, older kids playing with younger kids and teaching them things. And everybody's around the parents who are, you know, doing the work of the society. So, like you're learning those things in kind of like a project-based manner all along. And we're not separating out math from science, from reading and writing. It's all happening. It's all working together.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

It's all part of something.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

And then allows students and children to really see the synthesis of that. And that's one of those things with, you know, the especially the more advanced topics that, you know, students get to that college level course and they still don't know how these two events in history correlate with each other. And it's just wild. But when you're talking about this, it was the expectation for me as well. And I knew it from the time that I can remember that the expectation is that you will go to a four-year university and you will graduate. And so that was just that was the one lane that was kind of set out. And as I started to raise my kids, and you know, I thought I would just have, you know, the same expectations. That worked out just fine, right? Well, one, there are such different people from who I was as a child. There are such different people from each other. And, you know, for my eldest, she is going to take the gap year. And she is going to go travel and do some work studies abroad and some courses abroad because she doesn't know yet. And now, like looking back, I'm going, how on earth do we expect an 18-year-old to know what they want to do with the next 50, 60 years of their life? That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

Because it should always be ever growing and changing. I don't know what I want to do with the next 40, 50 years of my life. I mean, we need to honor there's such beauty in the fact that like she's going to take that time to learn and not know and be okay in the not knowing and then find her space wherever that might be. I mean, this is a you know a little bit different, but I I know a teacher, and I was just talking with her this weekend who, you know, did all the things on paper that she was supposed to do. And she, you know, uh went to a quote unquote good high school. She went to a four-year private university, she got a job right out of college. She's been working as a teacher since then. And she's working in a broken system that doesn't serve her. And I and I said to her, you know, I always think back to my like mock interviews we had in school where you would have to, you know, they were getting you ready to go be interviewed to be a part of somebody's school and get hired. And I said that what the question that was asked of me was, why are you a teacher? Like what makes you want to be a teacher and what drives you? And my answer was that it's the ultimate reciprocal profession. It's a space where you're constantly able to learn and somebody learns from you. And it's the most communal collaborative space because that's how I feel it should be. And that's what my experience in the classroom was. And my mock interviewer said, no, no, no, no, no, I'm gonna stop you right there. The answer is always it's when the light goes off in a kid's head that makes me happy, that's what makes me want to be a teacher. It's when I teach them something and they get it, and that's what that's why you want to be a teacher. They said, You won't get hired if you say anything else. And I went, Oh, oh my gosh, okay. And I think about this friend of mine, and I think she's still yearning for that reciprocal component, but being told that she has to put the kids above everything else. And yes, we have to do that. We have to care about our kids, right? But we can't expect our environments to not serve us in return. And that's true of your job, that's true of parenting. I mean, if we want to create really the wonderful citizens that we're looking for in this society, people who are able to contribute, people who are able to make something better, we have to understand that there's give and take. All of this is relational. We can't just give, give, give, give, give.

SPEAKER_01 26:42

We need to let that land because that's so important, especially what you said about, you know, even in your parenting, like we should be getting back out of that. And and and we do, we do, but there's times where as moms, we're just giving, giving, giving, giving, giving. And we're going, we're what do I get a hug? Do I get a thank you? We have to kind of work those things in and teach those things. But actually, um, I almost I'm so glad I wasn't taking a drink of coffee when you're talking about this person telling you that there's only one answer to something. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 27:17

And being interviewed for a job, thinking they don't know what kind of school I want to work at, they don't know what kind of career goals I have, they don't know any of that. But they're telling me that the only way I'm going to get hired in our contemporary public school system is to say, this is what you say in response to why do you want to be a teacher? Why are you a teacher?

SPEAKER_01 27:42

Wow. And and then here we are like telling students like there's no one answer to anything. I mean, if we take off the blinders, we can see all kinds of possibilities in life. We just have to be open to them. And truly, that's what you've done with House of Joie and with Mamas and Minnie's, is just being open to that possibility and allowing it to unfold in the way that it wants to. And it's just something so beautiful. I think one of the more powerful things that we can do as parents is to let our kids see us in process in the growth and not just in our, you know, like our figured out selves, which I think that's a generational difference as well. Because like you'll see this stuff on the internet now about like, why were boomers so secretive about it? Why didn't they tell me grandpa had cancer for six years? And then all of a sudden, one day, oh yeah, by the way. Um what does that growth look like in real time for you? What are you working on right now?

SPEAKER_00 28:42

Oh, that's such a good question. For me, I feel that I'm pretty good about being reflective about what's happening in our home and what we need moving forward, but I'm not doing enough to serve myself as a whole person. Right. So, and I and you know what that happens. I mean, I have a two-year-old. So that the first parts of his life are going to be giving everything that you can. And it's, and it's what we're saying. It's that I needed to get back to more of this reciprocal energy. And so yesterday I was actually just kind of brainstorming. I was putting out our newsletter for the week that I do for mommas and minnies. And I I try to put a challenge in each week, or just like a little something I saw on Instagram. I'll link that creator or whatever it might be that I think is nice for moms to think about. And I came up with this kind of just like we don't all fit in one box of you know, one type of mother, but it's nice to be reflective of the mother that we are and then see how we're loving our kids through that. And that was so enlightening for me because this was a space where I was going, okay, so let me think about the different types of mothers that we might have. You know, we could have a we can have a mother who is the steady mom. We can have a mom who's tender, you know, she's loving, she picks her kid up, she's always, you know, in tune with what they're feeling and she's empathetic and return with them. We have those moms who are playful, who get the joy from just experiencing with their kids and being a part of their journeys and their imaginations. We have moms who feel more comfortable guiding their kids through and you know, teaching them and setting them up for like what to expect from different situations. And then we have these moms who kind of overlaps with the tender moms, but they're so in tune with their kids that they just can understand before something even happens. And I think all of us moms have a little bit of that attuned mom in us. But this reflective component for me, I'm thinking, oh, I'm so good at reflection. No, I needed to sit down and think, well, what am I? Because there was a big part of me where I'm like, oh, I'm the tender mom. I'm holding my kid. I love, you know, like those moments. I I love him by giving him a hug. Those are that's the mom I am. And I thought about and I said, no, I'm not. The joyful moments I get for my kid, the kid, the things that I remember and the things where I myself feel the most whole are through play. And I'm going, and none of these are the right way to mother, the wrong way to mother, the right way to parent. But I'm like, wow, I needed to notice that. And in that way, I'm able to serve myself more and I'm able to look at myself more as a whole person because the time I'm spending with my kid needs to be playful for me to feel something in return. For me to feel like I am giving back and I am being the mother that I need to be. We need to be diving into our imagination. We need to be finding magic everywhere, we need to be laughing, like those are the moments where I feel the most whole. So I was identifying prior to doing this exercise and prior to coming up with these different categories with one thing and thinking, oh, I'm reflective, I do this, I, you know, this is what's going on in our home, and I know all of this, I'm good at that, and I'm gonna get the most when I'm cuddling on the couch with my kid. And yeah, that's true. I love those moments. But when I really went back and analyzed it, I was like, I need to be more intentional about my time with my baby because what actually serves both of us in the end is this play time. That's what I need.

SPEAKER_01 32:48

I can see him also just being one of those kids that when he gets a little older, that like you just continue that thread of curiosity with him because he's gonna make you laugh constantly. Oh yeah. Oh gosh. Yeah, yeah. So that play, one, that play is so important. I think none of us get enough of that. We get so over serious in life that like we don't take those lighter moments. And really those lighter moments a lot of times lead to like breakthrough of things that you didn't ever think were were going to be important or going to be something, or just be, you know, we can kind of take the blinders off. And all of a sudden, if we let our imaginations go, it's like, well, hold on, what if that's possible? What if that's possible? And it could start with something totally ridiculous that then becomes something real, that becomes something that's doable. And that's kind of how we do all of our uh school projects in this house is we're like, well, let's start by coming up with the most ridiculous concepts. So um, I I pull from that bucket over the bucket of play mom as well, where I'm like, well, let's figure out how to have fun with it. And then, you know, some, you know, the genius will strike. I know it's gonna strike you.

SPEAKER_00 34:01

When you think about how interconnected that is to your old career, I'm like, oh yeah, okay, let's think about how we were labeled by kids at school. We were the fun teachers, which it's like, okay, yeah, everybody wants to be a fun teacher. But I'm going, no, that's because I actually like wanted to do that. I was like, why don't we all sit around on Fridays and play board games together and practice our conversation that way rather than doing this component of the curriculum? I was I was such a rule breaker. I probably could have gotten in trouble so many times because I just was not doing what I was supposed to be doing. But I was like, no, I'm gonna sit here. We're gonna invite somebody else's class in, we're gonna talk with some other kids, and we're gonna play code names. Or we're gonna practice sounding things out by playing. Oh my gosh, what's the incoherent? Is it's called like incoherent or something. Have you done this game with? No, I haven't. Oh my gosh. Okay, so they give you like a card and it's a phrase is spelled phonetically or kind of weirdly phonetically, and like things are split up in weird ways. And so you have to like practice your enunciation so slow so that the people around you can figure out what you're saying. But I'm going, why would I not be doing that with my English language learners? Yes, of course, we'll get to spelling, we'll get to grammatical components, but why am I not spending my time having fun? We're laughing together, we're playing this silly game, talking about pop culture moments because those are the things that are on these little cards and enjoying our time together. I'm like, okay, well, this all makes sense. That's how I was a good teacher. Of course, this is how I'm gonna be a good mom. I need to dive into that.

SPEAKER_01 35:43

I love it. And I would also like I would verbally, like very strongly disagree with them. I'd be like, no, I am not fun. No, I am not cool. Get out your notebooks. We're gonna, and they're like, Yeah, yeah, it's gonna be five minutes. But it's about like, you know, really, and you're like you're saying, like, I teach I taught in the same way that I parent, which is like, oh, you're curious, let's let's see. And then I just tend to have at my disposal an entire chemical storage room, which so I was like, oh, you're curious. I actually I'm curious about that too. Like, let's let's find out. And that's how we got an acettling canon in my classroom. And you know, like all just these different it's shot out of rocket ball out of a PVC pipe. But it's just these little things that it's like, well, I don't know, why don't we figure it out? And I they learned so much more from those things than they did from the traditional curriculum where you're supposed to go through the yeah, let's write down all the vocab words and all of their definitions, and you're definitely gonna remember those, right?

SPEAKER_00 36:45

Yeah, gosh. Yeah, right. And you even think about that, and I think about myself being in school, and I remember that, you know, we were I was in English and we were learning about a Byronic hero. And the only way I still remember that to this day is by my teacher getting up and pretending to do something and like pretending he was on this horse and he was this Byronic hero. And then he was like, he would call me, you know, my maiden name is Rice, and he would just go rice, and he's say, You're the ultimate Byronic hero, you do it. And like then I had to act that out, right? Those are the ways that you remember things. I'm not gonna remember when I sat down and was like, oh, what is this? Where I don't know, like that's not how things work. And I also think that we've spent so much time saying, like, oh we've we've we dive into this literacy component, which is so, yes, literacy is important. But we're going, we need our kids reading, we need our kids reading. Absolutely, we need our kids reading, but we need our kids reading in an interactive way. That's the part that is missed a lot of the time. And you know, you look at the data and it's like, yes, the kids who have parents who read to them generally, as young children, are able to be more successful in school. But I don't think that that's necessarily because they're just being exposed to vocabulary. It's because it's an interactive experience where you're able to associate meaning to that language. And that's how we remember things. That's how we grow more curious about the world. That's how we become stronger in our vocabularies and in our yearning to be better people and to learn more about others. We have to attach meaning to it. And that's the interactive component. You know, again, it's that reciprocal energy. There has to be two things working together in order for there to be a productive outcome.

SPEAKER_01 38:48

And with anything human, that like we have if we we care about things when they affect us, right? And so, like, if we can connect to self and we connect to that emotion that we're feeling with that vocabulary, with that learning, then that's how we're never gonna forget it. And or at least that's what I tell my students. And I'm like, I still know that I still know what endo and exothermic are 100% of the time because I'm an endothermic being. Like, forget that I'm a mammal for a moment. I'm not happy, I don't feel positive unless heat is coming into me. If it's leaving, I feel very, very negative. And every time we make that like personal association, they're like, oh my gosh, I get it.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

Yeah, I'm like, yeah. It's the reason also that as a mom, I mean, I'm not anti-screen time. Yeah. Because the way that we do screen time is intentional. Here we go. My kid loves Toy Story and he pretends that he's Buzz Lightyear most of the day, if he's not a dog or a dinosaur or you know, whatever the other thing is. But that would not have happened in the same way if I wasn't talking to him about Buzz. If we weren't saying, what do you think's gonna happen next in the movie? Why do you think he feels that way? And now my son at two years old is so intuitive to feelings, he's so understanding of what's going on, and we can put something new on the TV, and he goes, Oh, he's feeling sad, or oh, he looks so happy, and he sees it in others. He saw it in a baby. We went and met a newborn baby the other day, and we got in the car afterwards, and he said, That baby was asleep. Yeah, yeah, calm, baby. And it's like, yes, this is this is what you need. And I'm not saying you have to use screen time in that way, but you there's an interactive component. And for our family, that's a fun thing we can do together. We can sit down, we can watch something that we enjoy that's entertaining, and we talk about it the whole time, you know.

SPEAKER_01 40:47

Yes, and that that kind of processing, especially starting it at this young age, it's like you're just setting the stage for him to really process all of that information that's coming in, which may actually you may have already answered that really, you know, I want to talk about this event that's coming up for us. And like this entire conversation is why this feels so important to both of us. And so my next question was, you know, what do you feel like moms are actually needing right now?

SPEAKER_00 41:22

I think moms need the space to understand how to regulate themselves and what they need to be their whole selves and their whole person. I mean, it goes back to being reflective, but also not just saying, like, oh, I'm reflective, like I was initially doing and saying, Oh, I know what our home needs, I know how our things are operating. But we also need to teach that to our kids. And we need to make that an inherent part of who they are as beings. And the mindfulness component of that is so, so important. I mean, again, I keep referencing students, but I was a teacher longer than I've been a mom. And I there's a huge difference. When I started my periods with meditations, the way the kids interacted with content was different. When we took brain breaks and did yoga, and I had high schoolers in Warrior 3 saying that they were Superman. I'm like, okay, first of all, again, we're going back to like we all need play. Yeah. But again, they need to be up, taking this space, working on the mindfulness component of their brains, their minds, their bodies, all of that. And in our world, we don't do enough of that as moms. I don't, I can always be better in that space. But if we're not making it again, reciprocal, interactive, a part of our kids' lives, it's not going to be there. I mean, you go back to, I'm kind of rambling now, but I think about like, you know, bringing up babe A. I don't know. Have you read Bringing Up Babe A? I have, but it's been yes. And so it's like the French interact with their kids in such a different way than we do in the United States. You know, kids are just a part of life. They go to dinner and they're just there. We don't distract them with something when they're at dinner. They're expected to have conversations with adults. But the only way that that's possible is if we believe in our kids enough to give them these strategies and these minds, these mindfulness things to do them together, right? We need to model that with our kids.

SPEAKER_01 43:41

I think that that, and you're gonna have to remind me because it's just been because I have 17 and 12. Is that the one where I learned about how children are fed at daycare and that it's really real food? Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 43:55

I'm pretty sure now in my books are getting confused, but I think about that, and I think about also like. You know, I went and worked at a school for just a semester in Italy. And oh gosh, that was a whole other experience because gosh, my dog, I'm sorry. Um, but that was a whole other experience because they don't do an education in a way that I really find productive either, but in some ways, they're very authoritative with their kids. They're yelling at the kids. The kids have to do everything the way that they're told. However, they're outside, they're eating real food, they're doing real things. And so I'm going, okay, well, where do we weigh this? I mean, yes, we can all make improvements everywhere we go. We can all say this doesn't work for me, this doesn't work, I don't identify with this. But I really think we need to get back to this space of like we are a community. I mean, gosh, we're gonna, I'm in a wedding in a couple of months. The bride texted me and said, Do I need to order a kid's meal for your child? Because he's gonna be in the wedding. She goes, Does he want chicken fingers or mac and cheese? And she goes, or you know, since he's two, he's allowed to eat our food for free. And I she goes, you know, it's gonna be steak and asparagus, mashed potatoes. I said, Yeah, absolutely, that's what he's going to eat. My kid eats whatever is prepared at our house. It's not a question. We we have food together. I'm not making him kid food. And if we are having kid food, we're all eating it. We're all having mac and cheese for dinner.

SPEAKER_01 45:32

Like I've never understood the concept of kid food, to be quite honest. I'm like, wait, hold on, isn't it all just food? But like we take it even, and I think you probably have this more as well. Your son may be, you know, by the time he's this age, he may already be like, Oh, I'll just take care of it myself. Um, but I got a lot of pushback from my kids at one point when they decided they were like, okay, well, we're not a food household. Like, you have an ingredients household. And I didn't even understand what that was at first. And I was like, I need you. I think I actually went to school and I was like asking the teenager, I'm like, explain this to me. Like, what is an ingredients household? And they were like, oh, you don't have food that you could just eat. Like you have to make it. And I was like, oh, well, I don't apologize for that. Like, I don't.

SPEAKER_00 46:18

You're okay. You talk about an area of parenting where I need to be better. That's one of them because I get lazy about my uh cooking. That being said, when I have ingredients in my house, we're able to learn together, right? We're able to be a family together. When my son is making bread with me, we then enjoy it together in a way that's so different from when he picks up a granola bar out of the snack drawer. You know?

SPEAKER_01 46:48

Well, and then at the older ages, like the two that live in my house, they they put us to bed because we are like 8 30 p.m. and they're not. They came into our bedroom and they had made these little chocolate lava cakes from scratch. Like they just went and found the recipe and did it, and they didn't make us one. So I'm like, okay, there's still room for improvement. But like amazing. I mean, it's not here, so like you figured it out. And like that's the kind of skill that I want them to have.

SPEAKER_00 47:23

And then how cool. Again, we're, you know, coming full circle, but this is like, okay, they're experiencing social studies, they're interacting with each other and communicating, they're experiencing literacy and English by reading, they're doing math, they're doing science, they're seeing all of the ways that the world works together in this beautiful home. That's what it's about. I mean, House of Schwa, that's got the name house because it is about being in one place, right? That home, that feeling of like all of this exists together. We can do this all in this space. So, you know, I've got we've gone on a little bit of a tangent, but the event that we're doing is about creating that home, that house for our moms, that space where they can be communal with their kids and advocate for that, you know?

SPEAKER_01 48:14

Yes, exactly. And really when, and something that I think you do so, so well. And it's one of the things that you know we're bringing and we're teaching in this in this event is you know, just a way for young kids to just take a moment to thank their bodies, to appreciate themselves, and just really give them some calm. And what you do so well about this is that he does it every single day. And then when there is a moment, he already knows it, it's already a part of his system, it's already a part, you know, it's it's cool that he just has inherent, it's so inherent, it's just it's something that he just has. So it's not new in the moment when it's hard.

SPEAKER_00 49:01

No, and I won't say, okay, a two-year-old immediately is going, okay, I've got the strategy, I'm gonna use it right now. Sometimes he needs a reminder. And you even saw it the other day. He, you know, you were over at the house, we had some kids here, and he was over stimulated and he was like, I just want to run around. Like, I'm not in a space where I want to practice this. But when I was able to guide him, you know, I'm his mom, you're doing that with him, and you're saying, Hey, I need you to come over here, and he needed to regulate anyway, and he immediately did it. And now I do see him on his own, at least taking a deep breath when he needs it. If he's upset, he's able to calm himself by breathing. And then he has the tools that we're going to be teaching, we're going to be practicing with kids. And you don't want to, you know, we'll go through that in at little moments big calm on that day, but that connection, right? Where he's able to be feeling his body, touching his body, labeling what he's feeling, and also extending it, right? There's something, whether you're religious, spiritual, whatever it is, but an acknowledgement that there's something other than you, and you deserve to be thankful, appreciative, whatever that is, that's important.

SPEAKER_01 50:20

Well, my favorite part of that whole interaction was that like he went and regulated, and you went and like helped him and modeled that with him. And then he came back and grabbed his little stuffy and was doing it with the stuffy, and it was just yeah, it was very, very sweet. And it was like, Oh, okay, so you go regulate and then you come back, and like you're happy to really be a part of the process, and that is the goal. That's exactly the goal. And all of this is what led to us creating our little Luma and our event. Well, our I want you to talk about the event first. Do you mind?

SPEAKER_00 50:56

Oh, okay. So, yeah, Little Moments Be Come. We're gonna have this wonderful event at a beautiful space, Kindred and Company in Post Falls, Idaho, where moms can come with their kids, however many kids you have, and you're gonna have a space to really learn these tools from Nicole, who's an expert in this area, right? Right, she understands mindfulness, she understands the component of that psychology and the science behind everything. And she'll teach that and she'll help our moms understand why this is important and what they can do and what the strategies are. And then with me, the kids are going to have a space to learn this in an age-appropriate, age-friendly way and practice. And again, that loops in with Luma, who we're so excited about. So, yeah, I give you a space to kind of introduce Luma.

SPEAKER_01 51:49

Luma is a very special little star. And every time that we're working on this book that we're, you know, as we were developing Luma, I was like, oh my gosh, this hits on every kind of I don't want to say insufficiency. It's a different word, every uh vulnerability I think that I had as a child of like, oh my gosh, look at look at them. Like they're so special, they're so unique. And like, what, but what am I? Like, and and Luma does go through this where she sees how bright everybody else is, and you know, she really wonders how she is unique in herself, or you know, what kind of a value that she has or she brings to things. And when we're thinking about that, you know, what I really hope that kids feel when they experience that story is that, you know, there's all different kinds of stars, of course, and that, you know, theirs is going to be different than everybody else's. And that's truly what makes it beautiful. And it's the same thing that I try to instill in my kids and going, you don't have to take the path that everybody else has taken, because your path is your own. And when you want to really experience happiness in life, because who doesn't? That's really gonna come from following your own curiosity and you know, where do I find joy in life? And again, like I have my kids in your group because you have done that and you've created such a beautiful space.

SPEAKER_00 53:28

Well, and I think the thing about Luma too is that it's not just your standard story about finding yourself and understanding what your worth is, it attaches real proven strategy and mindfulness tools that kids can then use within that, right? They're able to see what Luma does and they're able to do that within themselves. And then later, maybe with a Steffi or whatever it might be. But it's it the tools are there. It's something that you can use. It's not just a story about this happening, it's a way to be interactive with your kid, which again is what we were talking about. It's that reciprocal energy, it's what we need to move forward.

SPEAKER_01 54:13

Help them develop their emotional awareness and really to model that as parents, as moms. And so, you know, when we're there, we'll split for a little bit. And, you know, moms and I will go through this, you know, like four-step check-in process because we we also meltdown, like I mentioned it briefly at the beginning. And I have personally had some epic meltdowns with my kids that I then later had to go and repair and say, you know what? How that came out that was a fear thing. Okay that was more about me than you, and the message.

SPEAKER_00 54:49

And how cool that you can label that, but that they can also understand that. That's what I'm finding. When I get overworked, I'll say to my son, or when I'm stressed or overstimulated, I'll tell him that I need to go take a break and have some space and breathe and do my I'm thankful. And he goes, Oh, okay. Because he understands, right? I mean, that's the space your kids get it. They can say, Wow, how reflective is my mom? How awesome is she that she can say, I'm sorry for that. This is the feeling that I was having, this is why I reacted this way. That doesn't mean that it's okay, but I'm explaining it to you so that you know that I recognize it and I'm going to move forward in another way. Your kids are old enough to know and see that their mom understands that. You know, even if we just have parents who are good at being like, oh, I made a mistake, it's not enough unless your kid understands that you have that emotional processing ability. That's how your kid is going to be able to handle things moving forward too.

SPEAKER_01 55:57

Exactly. Exactly. And I think it's so important to model that and let them see that vulnerability in us. And um, I mean, I definitely, you know, there was times where things were explained to me, but a lot of the time it's like very much this, well, because I said so. And it's like as a child that leaves you feeling kind of confused because you're like, but why? Why? And there there really is just no danger in explaining that to your child or being vulnerable to say, well, no, this is why.

SPEAKER_00 56:27

Yeah. And also we want to foster, yeah, we want to foster curiosity though, too. But then we say, Oh, because I told you so, because that's why. Like we want that energy, right? We want our kids to have imaginations and to question things and to learn. And I think that we can trust our kids with more than we realize. That's something I've learned just in these first couple of years of motherhood. My kid is so much smarter than I realize he is, he understands way more than I give him credit for. And I can talk to him in an adult way. That's of course, you know, like the content-wise age appropriate, but I can talk to him in an adult way and he understands it. And we need to give our kids credit and we need to say, okay, let me explain this to you. And even if it's just something where you're like, I'm feeling overstimulated right now. So when I tell you you can't do that, it's because right now it's just too much going on. Okay, well, that gives your kid an explanation, right?

SPEAKER_01 57:31

Yeah. Or, you know, and there's times where it's like, oh, you made that choice. Okay. I'm not ready to respond to that right now.

SPEAKER_00 57:48

Oh my gosh, how easy is that?

SPEAKER_01 57:51

Yo, I just actually really need to think about how I'm going to handle this moving forward. And my dad actually doesn't need more funny. I I might have to give my dad credit for that because oh my gosh, he got me so good one time. I was in high school and I wasn't supposed to drive around with people in my car. My dad would pop up faces. And so the one day, the one day that I drove my friends to McDonald's for lunch, we're sitting there in the drive-thru, and on the road, he passes by going the opposite way, and he let me sit in that. Like he didn't even address it for like a day and a half, and finally he was like, I'm really gonna need to think about how I handle that. I was like, oh, but it that made such an impact.

SPEAKER_00 58:46

But also like it makes an impact to your kids in more ways than one. Of course, it leaves you in that space to be like, okay, I need to reflect on what happened, and you need to be like, oh my gosh, what's going on? But then it also shows that there's a way to react to situations without being overly reactive, right? Like, I mean, if you know, this is so much bigger. And of course, you know, in this utopia world where everybody is treating each other kindly and nicely and able to be productive, with those strategies, though, we can almost get there, right? We're not gonna have the same anger issues and things if people can practice from a young age and your kids can do this when they're one. If they can say, Oh, I need to calm my body for a second. As an adult, if you can model and say, I'm not sure how to handle this right now, you need to give me some space, and then you can talk to them about it. Of course, it's a beautiful parenting goal, it makes them think, but it also shows them how to productively handle a social situation that does not go the way that you want it to go. Exactly. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:01

Well, assuming that this goes viral, what do you want to leave people with?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:08

Okay. Um I don't know. I mean, I think we've covered so many things, but I think the biggest theme for me in this is that motherhood, education, all of this works together. It's all housed in one space and it's all reciprocal. We as humans need to feel just as much as we give, we need to receive just as much as we put out there. And so in our parenting journeys, we need to be serving ourselves. And I'm not saying, I'm not telling you postpartum moms who are two weeks postpartum that you need to leave your kid with somebody and go to the grocery store by yourself or go get a massage. Cool, great. If that's what you want to do, wonderful. But I'm telling you that you need to find the ways that you feel whole in your parenting. And if that's being with your kid and pretending to be a T-Rex, that's amazing. If that's guiding your kid and telling them about the boundaries and telling them what to expect in a situation, that's beautiful. But you need to find the way that you feel whole in your motherhood or in your teaching or in your workplace or whatever it might be, so that you can give as much as you can get, but also receive all of that in return.

unknown 1:01:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:36

Beautiful. And for those that don't know, I am mommy T-Rex. Um for about 17 years now, 17 and a half years, and my kids still scream and run when mommy T-Rex comes out. Yeah, that's so fun. Yeah. Something I keep coming back to is just that these little moments that we're talking about, they really don't feel little when you're in them. They're the moments that really shape how our kids see themselves. And we all have those core memories that like pop up in the back of our minds where we're like, why did that one stick? It's about how safe they feel in their bodies and how we see ourselves as parents. And our goal here is just it's not to get it perfect, it's just to be more grounded, more connected, more honest with ourselves in those moments, more honest with our kids in those moments, like we're talking about vulnerability. And so if this conversation resonated with you, we would absolutely love to see you, Spokane Cordeline, post falls friends at our upcoming event, Little Moments, Big Calm, where we are going to walk through simple real life tools that you can actually use in the middle of those big feelings, yours, your kids, both at the same time. We're gonna get it all. And Kaylee, I am so grateful to be creating this with you. And thank you so much for sharing with us today.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:07

Thank you so much for having me. This was really wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:10

If you made it to the end of this episode, that means that you're truly committed to yourself. I want to thank you for being a part of this community and for showing up for yourself today. We have so much to talk about. I have so many tools to share with you that you can bring into your life every single day to build regulated, round, and clear, so that you can build the most beautiful life. So if you're ready to stop wishing and start really feeling better, you're in the right place. Your experience here really matters to me. So I want to invite you to leave an honest review wherever you're listening at. See you next time, these