The Women Are Plotting

When Everything Clicks: Unforgettable Sex

• Etienne Olivier, Jane Gari, Heidi Willis • Season 1 • Episode 7

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What makes sex truly extraordinary? In this episode, we're diving deep into our most unforgettable sexual experiences and uncovering the surprising factors that contribute to mind-blowing intimacy.

Recent studies show that many Gen X women are having the best sex of their lives after 45 – and we're here to confirm it! We explore why maturity brings better sexual experiences, from increased body confidence to improved partner selection and willingness to communicate our desires. As Jane reveals, "Sex isn't something that you do but it's a place that you go with somebody that you trust."

The conversation takes exciting turns as Etienne shares her strategic affair with a nightclub manager that ended a toxic relationship while delivering multiple orgasms that literally cured her sugar cravings. Heidi recounts her mind-blowing introduction to squirting orgasms with a skilled dominant partner who transformed her understanding of pleasure. And Jane describes a cinematic first-time experience with her high school crush that reads like a John Hughes movie come to life.

Throughout our stories, common themes emerge: attentiveness, communication, and responsiveness make all the difference in creating extraordinary sexual experiences. We also discuss practical tips for maintaining excitement in long-term relationships, including Jane's suggestion that lingerie creates a "reframing" effect that keeps things fresh even after decades with the same partner.

Whether you're looking to enhance your current relationship or simply enjoy our candid stories, this episode offers insights that might just lead to the best sex of your life. Have you discovered what makes your intimate experiences truly exceptional? We'd love to hear your thoughts!

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Email us at info@thewomenareplotting.com, and find us on all the socials. Be safe and be excellent to each other.

Etienne:

Welcome listeners. This is Women Are Plotting. I'm Etienne Rose Olivier, and I'm here with my friends and co-hosts, Heidi Willis and Jane Gari. Today's episode will be talking about the best sex of our lives and for today's fun fact, I'm actually talking about not just fun facts, but interesting facts. If any one of today's episode listeners are men wanting to have sex with women, please pay attention to my interesting or fun fact for today.

Etienne:

I did read a full Reddit post called Ladies describe the best sex you've ever had and why was it the best? And something that came up over and over again was the men were good communicators and attentive to their partner's needs. This is not as common as men might think. I've had close to 100 sex partners and many did not pay attention or ask what I wanted, or if I told them what I wanted, some of them refused to do it. It's not something crazy either, just normal stuff. And if this goes both ways, everyone having sex should pay attention to their partner's needs and communicate with them, whether or not you think you've guessed correctly what you think they want. So that's my interesting fact for today. And, Jane, what is your fun fact for today?

Jane:

I looked at a study that was conducted in 2022 by the Phonetic Wellbeing Group and they said that one third of their respondents were having the most satisfying sex of their lives after the age of 45. So I found that that reassuring and something to continue to enjoy, because that's certainly true for me. And when you were talking about your magical number of sex partners, that would make math for you really easy, like you could just kind of conduct your own study by saying 5%. You could just tally up and be like these

Etienne:

five percent were great

Jane:

yes, and 77% did not listen to what I wanted, even when that want and desire was explicitly expressed

Etienne:

yeah

Etienne:

One of them didn't respond, even though I told him repeatedly, at least five times in a row Nope, that's not hard enough. That's not hard enough, Go harder. He's like, literally I've never gone this hard on anybody before and I'm like are you sure you've slept with other people Because I'm pretty sure I'm not abnormal. Sorry, I just want to throw that in there.

Jane:

Just being responsive is not that nuts. But I do think that maybe the reason why people are having more satisfying sex lives as they get older is because you know yourself more, you're more mature and you express what you want, and then you're more receptive to somebody else doing that. So, heidi, what's your

Jane:

fun fact

Heidi:

So mine is, and I think I sent this article to you guys too. So I found an article on New York Times in February called why Gen X Women Are Having the Best Sex. So basically just article about the reasons why our generation might be having the best sex of their lives. And she said similar things like we're more comfortable with ourselves, we don't have hangups about our bodies, we're more willing to express what we want and need and yeah, so I agree,

Etienne:

I agree

Heidi:

the best sex. We're also willing to explore and explore fantasies and try out things.

Heidi:

So, and if you can find a willing partner

Etienne:

yeah and I was also thinking that none of this didn't mention any of these in your surveys, it looks like, or in your studies, but I bet you it also has to do with having better sex after in our forties or 45 and above is because maybe we've also might be better at choosing our partners that we're having sex with, like we can sense that this person might actually be good at sex. They're paying attention to me, they're listening to what I'm saying in a conversation with our clothes on, like they're actually engaged. So if they're going to be engaged in a clothed, normal public situation, then they're probably going to be engaged with us in a private, close off situation.

Heidi:

Yeah maybe

Jane:

That makes a lot of sense and I can only speak to my personal experience. I'm 51. That makes a lot of sense and I can only speak to my personal experience. I'm 51. And I am currently having the best sex of my life, and I'm not going to go into detail Because I am married. I've been married for over 20 years and been with the same person, having sex with the same person my husband for 24. I'm bad at math. Anyway, it's been a minute

Etienne:

Wait, you don't know how many.

Etienne:

Oh wait, because you have to add up before you're married.

Jane:

Right, Right, right.

Jane:

Courtship and that but I'm very lucky in that my husband hands down is the best sex of my life and I know that that's not the case for some folks. But when you were talking about feeling connected and responsive and having good conversation and emotional engagement, when you're in clothed settings, I mean to me I just feel like if you're with the right person right and you are engaged and care about that person and you feel connected to them and you feel safe with them and vulnerable, and then you can kind of take this journey together. I actually love Esther Perel. She's a sex therapist and just wonderful woman. She has TED Talks all over the place and she talks about how sex isn't something that you do but it's a place that you go and with somebody that you trust, and to me that is like the best sex advice I've ever heard. But it also is very true and I will say that if you're looking to keep things spicy in a long term relationship so that it does become the best sex of your life if it's not currently, you know, if you're, if you're married and you're thinking about some boyfriend you had five years ago being the best sex, but you love the person you're with now more, and you're connected with them. But you're trying to figure out how to make that better. Because people have asked me this like how could you say that about being with the same person for two decades and that it just it keeps getting better? And I'm not saying that in in, uh, I'm not lying it. It keeps getting better. But one of the things that I think does this is going to sound so stupid, but this is what's worked for me is different outfits. Hear me out. Hear me out.

Jane:

If you have a picture in your house and you're looking at it every day, it could have been your favorite picture ever, your favorite painting. It's like some I don't know Van Gogh print and you're like I could look at this forever. But if it's hanging in the same place in your house for two decades, you kind of stop seeing it and you could take that same picture. You love it, it's your favorite. Get it rematted, put a different frame on it, maybe hang it up in a different room and a slightly different angle, and now you're like you love that picture in a new way. Now, now you're looking at it, it's been carefully curated right when. Now you're like oh, I didn't realize that the way that those colors are and just the nuances are there and just the texture, like oh, that matches the pillow on the couch.

Jane:

So I feel like lingerie for me has been something kind of similar. You're framing your body, and your mindset along with it, sometimes in a different way that makes you feel like you're trying on a different personality, maybe, or it makes you feel sexy, or just it's framing your body in a way that's new to your partner, so that they can visit your house in a different way and maybe pay attention to things in a new way, because you're literally presenting it in a new way. And I know that sounds kind of stupid, but it has definitely worked and I've spent a lot of money on lingerie over the years and it has worked. And so that even when there would be a time where I was like, ok, I just had a baby, I am so exhausted I don't know if I'm feeling it and then you put something hot and spicy on, you're like, oh, I'm feeling it.

Jane:

Now you catch a glimpse of yourself and like, ok, I have framed this picture in an entirely new way to me now. Now I feel a little bit better about myself walking into a room and saying, like you know, get it. You know, so I just that's, that's our secret. I'm not going to get into like detailed details, but that's, I think, framing.

Jane:

It's all that framing

Etienne:

Well, I feel like now, next time I go over to your house, jane, I'm gonna have to ask to like see some of your lingerie collections.

Etienne:

I had no idea it was so giant like

Heidi:

and expensive

Etienne:

Is it expensive too, or just giant?

Jane:

I go to this website called spicylingeriecom. They did not pay me to say that, but that's very cheap. We actually jokingly call it cheapsexycom, but it's just because I'm buying new things frequently. It's the compounded investment in sex clothing over the years. And this is like fully on my brain today because my daughter was out of the house all morning so I was washing. You have to hand wash all of these things. It's just like a bathtub just full of you know, three months worth of sex clothes.

Etienne:

Oh, my God

Heidi:

oh my God

Jane:

Because you have to hand wash them. Yeah, yeah, but then you have to hand wash them. Yeah, yeah, but then you have to hang them up to dry. And I know she knows what they are now that she's older and we just don't ever talk about it. She comes into my bathroom. She sees them hanging all over the place and she just still says, you know, we're out of paper towels, and then looks around and just walks out.

Etienne:

Wait, jane, you know what you need to get brazen enough to get one of those old-timey freaking closed hanging things for your backyard. That requires the concrete block with the giant thing that comes out and high enough where your neighbors can see it and it just spins in the wind Like when you're when you wash your lingerie. Just be brazen enough to hang your lingerie outside and just like dry the wind.

Jane:

It would be more efficient. You're talking about the ones that look like weird combination of a metal umbrella and a TV antenna from the 70s,

Etienne:

exactly, yeah, yeah. Yeah

Jane:

yeah, I would be afraid that a bird would shed on it

Heidi:

you'd get a whole neighborhood talking.

Etienne:

Just don't put it under a tree. I guess that would probably save you a little bit. Oh, you could get a big umbrella to go over it to like protect you, protect it from the bird poo.

Jane:

Oh my goodness. But yeah

Heidi:

this is becoming a whole operation

Heidi:

yeah

Etienne:

just because I wanted to like have beautiful, windswept dried lingerie that smells like flowers and like the outdoors.

Etienne:

Yes, in a good way

Heidi:

but then it's pollen season, so

Etienne:

oh no, yeah I'm sorry

Jane:

oh my gosh, they'd all be yellow.

Etienne:

Oh

Heidi:

yellow, can you?

Heidi:

imagine

Etienne:

oh god, yeah, very

Heidi:

you're into sexy time and like everybody starts sneezing.

Heidi:

There's like yellow poofs going on.

Etienne:

Yellow, yellow,

Jane:

oh Lord. So with the best sex of your life? I'm sure there was no pollen involved.

Etienne:

Oh, who's

Jane:

dishing

Etienne:

Well

Etienne:

actually I have three best sex stories, but I'm going to start with one, and only one of them happened before I was in my 40s. So the first one is with me in my 20s and the other two are definitely in the 40s. So I basically skipped like decades between my best sex. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine the first one. I have to set it up a little, because I was 23 years old, living in Los Angeles, and this was in the early 90s and it was Grunge era, and I had a boyfriend who was a concert promoter and it was lovely having a concert promoter boyfriend and the Grunge era, because I got to like be backstage, I got to go to musician parties and it was just very, very chic and wonderful.

Etienne:

The downside was that he wasn't the best sort of person. He was kind of a jerk, like an asshole. Let's just be out now. He was an asshole and he was such an asshole that when I would be out and about with him because he loved having me as arm candy he was just a little bit older than me. He was like two years older than me, so it wasn't like this crazy May-December romance. We were just around the same age basically. But his friends and colleagues would say to me right in front of him what are you doing with Vlad? I'm just calling him Vlad, that's not his real name, but what are you doing with Vlad? He's a fucking asshole. I'm like, oh no, vlad's nice to me Behind closed doors. He's totally different when it's just him and me, and that was not true. I mean, vlad wasn't quite as bad behind closed doors as he was out in public, but he was not the best, and our sex life was not the best either. I was definitely not getting the sex that I would have liked, in any sense of the word, and I tried to break up with him one time. Actually, I did break up with him. It lasted for about a week. We'd been living together and I broke up with him and immediately got together with my boss at the time and I was working as a temp, so he wasn't like a boss that I'd have to be around if things went bad, because things did go bad, and pretty quickly actually, and Vlad came back to the apartment that we were sharing just to like pack up the rest of his things and we had sex and got back together and I was like, god damn it, I'm back where I started, but we didn't live together again.

Etienne:

But fast forward. A year goes by and we're still together and he's actually gotten up in the world at this point. He's gone from being a concert promoter to being a music executive. He went from making like hardly any money but having a lot of perks, to having oh, he's got money, like money, money, you know. And I need to break up with him. And he had two previous girlfriends before me and both of those times those relationships ended because he found out they cheated on him.

Etienne:

So I was figuring things out and finally figured out that, you know, I think the only way to get rid of him is I have to cheat on him. I have to do this. This is the only way to do it and it's going to stick. I can't just try to do it the normal way and cross my fingers and hope it works out for the best, because we need to make this permanent. This has to be done. I can't do this anymore.

Etienne:

So I did actually have an affair with a married man first, but I didn't find out about that one, even though I wrote about it in my journal. We didn't live together, so him having access to my journal was more shortened, so he didn't find out about that. One immediately found out about that later, after the second guy. So the second guy was actually the manager of this really famous club called the Dragonfly, and this club is so famous that Keanu Reeves band played there back at the time that we're talking about, back in the early 90s, and, like other famous bands, played there just for fun, because it was that cool and hip to be there. And this guy he's 10 years older than me, by the way, so he's older Vlad had gone away for the weekend. He had to go to some business trip in New York City and I went out with a girlfriend of mine and we went to the Dragonfly and as soon as we saw this guy, his name was Chuck, chuck LaValle, that's his real name.

Etienne:

He's no longer with us in this world anymore, unfortunately, but yeah, I looked him up and found out through Facebook that he did die of liver failure. But she saw him in the crowd and she's like, oh God, chuck. And I'm like, yeah, chuck's hot. She's like, oh no, I've slept with Chuck and I'm like what was that like Immediately wanting to know. And she's like, oh my God, he went down on me forever, he put handcuffs on me, it was the best. And I'm like, did you do it again? She's like, no, it only happened the one time, and I don't know why. And I'm like, oh okay. So he saw me and he came over to where we were hanging out, me and my friend, and I introduced him to my friend, even though I knew he knew her, just to be polite and act like we weren't talking about him.

Etienne:

And he's like, oh no, I know Andy, yeah, we've met before and I'm like, oh, you know what? I want to get a different drink. I'm going to go catch up to Chuck, I'll be right back. I didn't really want a different drink. I wanted to go talk to Chuck for a second and this is a big crowd of people and super loud, so you had to be like right up against somebody to talk to them, which was awesome. And also, let me pause for a second and tell you what I was wearing because this is all great. I was wearing my mother's 1970s nightgown that was almost see-through it was not that see-through, but it was pretty see-through and I was wearing this bright pink wonder bra because I did not have breasts really at the time and bright pink underwear and combat boots and that's what I was wearing and yeah, so I stopped Chuck and I'm like, hey, I heard you and Andy had some times. He's like, oh God, he was like I, yeah, um, yeah, we, we did, we did have sex one time. And I'm like, oh, and I could tell from his face this was not a good memory for him and I'm like, well, wait, what's wrong? And he's like, oh, he's like she just sort of laid there and he this was his words, he said like a dead fish. And I'm like, oh god, okay, well, I'm really sorry that you had that experience. She's's like going off about it. She had a great time. He's like, well, I would never have known that. Like she did not show any kind of response and I'm like, well, I mean, it's too bad you had that experience. I think you deserve to have somebody that can appreciate what you can do in the bedroom. And I just completely paused and looked him in the eyes, like really hard. And he was like, is Vlad coming tonight? He meant like out. And I'm like, no, no, vlad's in New York City. He's coming back Sunday night. And he's like, oh, okay. And I'm like, yeah, and I also heard that you live on Beachwood. And he's like, yeah, I do. I'm like I live on Beachwood. And he's like what? And I told I described the building that I lived in because it was a very famous building on Beachwood. Of course, I lived like in the basement apartment. That was super scary, but it looked like a castle and everybody knows this building. If you lived on Beachwood, which is actually the street that leads up to, at the very top of the street, it looks like the Hollywood sign is where that street is. To give anybody who doesn't know LA some geography there, he's like you live in that building. He's like I live across the street. And I'm like, oh really.

Etienne:

I said what time do you get off work? He was like I should be home by three and I'm like it's not too late, it's a pretty good time. I'm like, hmm, well, how about this? If you call me when you get home, I will walk across the street. I will only be wearing high heels, a trench coat and nothing underneath. And he's like, okay, he's like I will call you. So I actually had to give him my phone number, but yeah, so yeah, I seriously like he did. He called me and I did.

Etienne:

I walked across the street with a trench coat, high heels and nothing underneath and, my God, I had such a reception when I walked in his door. He opened the door for me and then went across the room. I think he wanted just to enjoy like watching me walk into his room and I just opened my trench coat to show him. I was completely naked and he came over and took over from there, like that was all I had to do, and I remember him pulling out handcuffs and handcuffing me to the bed. I think he must have had two pairs, or I can't remember if he had two pairs or I had one. I can't remember that part. This was a long time ago, obviously. But yeah, he threw me on the bed and went down on me for, like I definitely had an orgasm and like we had sex for hours. We had sex for hours and this was during a time too in Los Angeles you can get a lot of things delivered 24 hours a day, thank God. And we actually had sex long enough that we ordered a pizza, I think from Domino's or something. I took a break, had some pizza, went back at it again and, looking back, I think this was the first time in my life where I ever had sex for multiple hours, like with breaks and then going back to sex, like you're just having breaks for the refractory period for the man to be able to recharge. I had so many orgasms, oh my God. I mean after having Vlad as my boyfriend forever and not having. I mean having sex and having orgasms, but not not anywhere close to this. Like it's unbelievable. And uh.

Etienne:

One other great tidbit from the story is I used to have before the night with Chuck, I had a really, really horrible sugar craving for hard candy. I used to have hard. I could be in my apartment at 11 o'clock at night and suddenly need lemon heads and I would go and get and I had to park on the street, general like public parking, and if you moved your car at any point in time because of where I lived, you could lose that spot. I had a craving so bad that I would get in my car, move it, drive to the store and go get hard candy. Come back and just pray that my parking spot was still there, like trying to go as fast as possible. But that was how bad my sugar craving was. And after that night with him, with Chuck, my sugar craving was gone. I didn't have it anymore.

Heidi:

He cured you.

Etienne:

Yeah, he fucked the craving out of me like completely.

Jane:

Maybe his semen changed your microbiome so much that you just didn't need it anymore getting scientific.

Etienne:

Oh my god oh, vlad did find out about this though, by the way, and that did end our relationship, but yeah that was

Jane:

mission accomplished

Etienne:

It did yeah, mission and for god, I mean, it was sex that was worth it I mean, I knew, I knew that was the whole point, but like

Heidi:

did you ever get with Chuck again?

Etienne:

I did. We got together a couple more times. Actually, it stopped when Vlad found out and Chuck got mad. He was like how did you let him find out? And I'm like I don't know. He just read my journal. That's not my fault, I just played it off like I didn't do it on purpose. So he was like, yeah, yeah, no, and he actually was moving to New York, he was about to become a music agent in New York City, so he was going up in the world and Vlad, actually for a while there, tried to get his job canceled and he did, I think for a bit he got Chuck's job canceled, but then it must have been refurbished because he did eventually become an agent at William Morris Agency in New York City. So he did get that job eventually. But yeah, him getting that delayed and his move to New York delayed was my fault. I feel bad about that, as I was not trying to ruin his life. I was trying to have a good time and get rid of my horrible boyfriend.

Etienne:

Yeah, oh God

Heidi:

Mission accomplished.

Heidi:

Yeah, my first great sex was also early 20s, in the 90s, and it was the first guy I dated right after my first divorce from my toxic first husband. So in fact, I met this guy the night my divorce paperwork got approved, wow. So it was like a big celebration. Went to this party and met Reed and he too is not alive still. Like, yeah, crazy. I found out he died a few years after we broke up. I didn't know for many, many years, even after finding old friends on Facebook, nobody told me Like I had to find it in a Google search and found his obituary.

Etienne:

Oh, that's so sad.

Heidi:

Yeah, it was super sad. Yeah, because if he was alive right now I would be hunting that man.

Heidi:

But because we had incredible sex and so it wasn't even sex or squirting or anything, it was just straight up sex. I would get so wet just thinking about having sex with him. I would just, it would just, oh my god, we would have incredible sex. I would have multiple orgasms and after our session, like if I wanted to go get like something to drink, I would have to crawl to his refrigerator. I couldn't walk, even that's how. Like incredible, uh, yeah, wow, wow, yeah,

Jane:

because you were shaking or because you were sore.

Heidi:

Shaking and just had no control of my limbs.

Etienne:

Wow.

Etienne:

I can't say that

Heidi:

yeah, it was like his penis was made for my vagina, like it was so perfect vagina, like it was so perfect. Yeah, and yeah, I let my partners know I'm having a good time. So I'm not. I've never been accused of being a dead fish, um, and yeah, his roommates would just give him so much shit because

Etienne:

oh he had

Etienne:

So you would have sex with him with roommates in the other rooms or something

Heidi:

yeah, his roommates would be in their rooms or out in the living room and we're in the bedroom and yeah, they're hearing all about it.

Etienne:

Oh my God.

Heidi:

So everybody knew we were having amazing sex.

Etienne:

That's hysterical.

Heidi:

Yeah, but yeah, yeah, it's really sad that he's dead, because

Etienne:

I'm sorry, totally off topic, but do you know how he died? I always am curious how people die.

Heidi:

Yeah, so, so yeah, super nice guy, but he wasn't the most intelligent. He moved up to Denver and I guess he was helping somebody change a tire on the side of the road and somebody hit him.

Etienne:

Oh God

Heidi:

it was like one of those sudden things. Yeah, yeah I was actually in korea when this happened and all of the friends that we hung out with went to the funeral. Nobody let me know

Etienne:

that's crazy

Etienne:

Did they know that you'd had sex with them? Is that why they were like, not telling you? Like, maybe because you were, you know, had something, but then it wasn't on anymore. Like.

Heidi:

I don't, yeah, I don't know. So he died in 97, I think, and I didn't find out until 10 years later.

Etienne:

Wow

Heidi:

10 years later.

Heidi:

Yeah.

Etienne:

And wait. What year did you have sex with him?

Heidi:

Oh, early 90s, I was 21 to 22. So like 93 to 94. And then we broke up when I moved to Utah and that's when I met my current ex-husband. I was with him for 20, 27 years. So, yeah, I went from best sex to decent sex and you know, it worked for a while and yeah, until it didn't

Etienne:

oh gosh

Heidi:

But then getting a divorce and getting back out there, yeah, I've had some incredible sex since the divorce. So discovered squirting. So discovered squirting that's one of my favorite things now. And also discovering this whole thing of squ and drank a ton of wine and was so hungover the next day and had no idea what happened. We knew we had sex but there was like a wet towel in the bed with us. Didn't smell like urine or anything. We're just like what is this? What happened? Neither one of us could figure it out, but I'm pretty sure he must have like accidentally made me squirt or something. I don't know because, yeah, we could never figure it out what had happened.

Heidi:

So

Etienne:

and wait? Who is the person that did this with you in germany? Who was your partner?

Heidi:

my ex, yeah, my ex-husband.

Etienne:

Oh okay, so you did have okay, so you did have some good times in the bed.

Heidi:

But I have no memory of it at all.

Etienne:

That sucks

Heidi:

I'm so drunk.

Heidi:

Yeah, zero memory of what happened.

Etienne:

Oh my God, well, actually going to squirting. My second story is 100% related to that.

Heidi:

Yay

Etienne:

oh yeah. A few months after my ex-husband left me, I was finally allowed to go out and have sex again, and I was going nuts. But almost a year after I was having sex again, I met a 25 year old and he lived in Savannah, but he happened to be coming to Charleston that day because he was getting a visa. He was moving to Wales to do a master's degree and then it doesn't have a federal building or federal office where you can get visas, so he had to come here. So I accidentally found him the day he was here on Tinder and we met up for coffee same day that I started talking to him and it was.

Etienne:

He's so beautiful, oh my God. Tall, six feet tall, I think, and like an embarrassingly small amount of body fat and just lovely muscles, but not crazy, just like perfect. When I first saw him naked because it wasn't right away, obviously, it was that same day, but not right away when he took his clothes off, finally, I was like I need my clothes back on, I am too fat for this man and I'm like I mean, I'm like 15% body fat, but he is like two or something and I'm like I am giant, like that's what I was thinking compared to him. But yeah, so he looked like, or he looks like Casey Affleck, like, just like, just like a, with like an innocent, sweet little innocent face. I'm just want you to picture this gorgeous man with the sweet, innocent face and he has a degree in psychology, he's going to go for his master's degree and we're having conversation about Tinder and what kind of women he meets on Tinder and what does he think about it, and all blah, blah, blah. And I'm just making him talk and talk, cause he, he's so intelligent. It was just so fascinating to hear him speak.

Etienne:

And finally I'm like do you want to go back to my house? And he's like sure, so we leave the coffee house to go to the parking lot. I'm trying to get my phone to like wake up I have got this really old smartphone at the time and send him my address. Make sure that he gets it before we actually get in the car and start driving. And he happens to mention, while we're waiting for my text to go through, he's like do I need to stop at the drugstore because I need Magnum condoms and I'm like oh no, we don't have to stop at the drugstore. I have those. They've never been opened, but I have a whole box that has not been opened. You can have all of them. I bought them before I started having sex again. I bought the regular condoms and I bought the magnum condoms. Yeah, and the magnum condoms had not been used, unfortunately, and I was just hoping and praying, at some point they were gonna get broken into. And here's my opportunity. So, yeah, and and also.

Etienne:

He's like and I think I should mention to you. He said I'm a dominant in the bedroom and I'm like okay, and I've heard this already before, because I'd been having sex for like nine months at this point and you know, in my mind, I'm like okay. So you're a dominant, just like normal. He could see the look on my face. He like could read what I was thinking. He's like no, no, not like those dominants, those guys that are out there right now that just think that's their excuse for shoving their dicks down your throat super hard till you gag. He's like no, I'm not one of those dominants. He's like if you're into it, I like to play with pain and heighten your senses before. I think it's time for you to have an orgasm And'm like oh, I was like, okay, did my address get to your phone already? Because we need to get there like we need to get to my house, um so 50 shades of holy shit right now, so fast forward to.

Etienne:

We're in my bedroom, my clothes are off. I don't think right now, so fast forward to. We're in my bedroom, my clothes are off. I don't even remember Like I don't even remember taking my clothes off, but his clothes are on and he's in my sex drawer. I had a sex drawer before. I had my long-term boyfriend like post-husband, and I'll recreate that soon, since I'm free again.

Etienne:

One of the things I had in there was this really crazy long like so long I don't even know how many feet of industrial but soft like silky material rope and meant to be used to be tied to things, and it really hadn't been used much before that like at all. And so he pulled that out and he very carefully tied me to the bed. Oh, I think I had my underwear on that. I think I had my underwear on. That was it. I had my underwear on. Still, everything else was off. So I was being demure and he's tying me to the bed and, oh my God, and he blindfolded me. So I didn't get to watch him do it and he took his time and while he's doing this, sometimes he's quiet and sometimes he's talking to me and he's asking me, like, what my experiences have been sexually? What did I like, what did I not like? He really wanted to know and I felt like I was being interviewed by Barbara Walters, like the male version of Barbara Walters. That is all about sex and I'm not asking him anything. My asking him anything, my mind has gone to some other place already and I'm not sure what is happening. But I also have this moment where I'm thinking this might not be the best idea, that I'm allowing the strange man that I just met today tie me to my bed, like fully tie me to my bed, like. No, I have a four poster bed. He's tying me to all the posters so if something happened and I am not able to do anything, well, luckily nothing bad happened, only good things.

Etienne:

But yes, it was not the smartest thing in the whole world. I swear. I apologize for that, but I was caught up in the moment and, oh God, yeah, he, um, he pulled out different things to try on me with the like. I had a couple of different whips, but yeah, it ended up being that we had to use the writing crop. I bought this writing crop and it literally said on the label 50 shades of gray and he was making fun of me for having that and I was like I tried the other writing crops at the sex store and this is the one I like the best. No, it says 50 shades of gray on there. I'm sorry, don't judge me, but yeah, he started doing the pain.

Etienne:

But not he, so skilled, like he knows how to just start like at a one, like we're starting at a one, are you okay? Like he didn't even say one, but he started at level one and just would gauge me and talk to me and ask me questions and see how my skin was reacting to what was happening, like actually see, like if the discoloration or marks of any kind, and then he would up it a little and then I don't think we got past like a two though level on a 10 scale. Let's say, I don't think we got past the two level that day. Um, because it wasn't long after that we reached like that two level that he decided that I think we got around.

Etienne:

He asked me a question if I'd ever squirted before and I was like, well, I think so, but I'm not entirely sure. And he's like ah, he's like okay, and so, um, yeah, he, he pulled my underwear down. I mean, I think you know what's funny? I think pretty much for everything he did he asked consent for every single time and that was hot. Do you know you can make consent be the hottest thing that that somebody can do to you um is it okay if I take your underwear down?

Etienne:

I'm like oh, oh, yes

Heidi:

yes, please

Etienne:

Yes, please do it now.

Jane:

That's building anticipation,

Etienne:

yes

Jane:

and getting permission.

Etienne:

Oh my God, my underwear is like stuck to me, like it's so wet. So, yeah, he got them down, but again I'm like splayed so it's kind of it's not going very far down my legs because my legs are spread, so um, or very spread. There was some play in the rope so I could like bring him closer together just to get the underwear down. But, um, yeah, he um did not get a towel. If I knew it was coming, I would have actually put all the towels I owned underneath my body like from the entire house,

Heidi:

you can soak it

Etienne:

 Ha. Because, yeah. So

Etienne:

he was like, okay, this is what I need you to do. He's like, I am gonna, I want you to relax. I want you to relax all of your muscles. And I'm like, okay. He's like, I want you to take a breath in through your nose and blow it out through your nose and you want do it very slowly. and I did that.

Etienne:

And he put his hand. He's like I'm going to push my hand down on your lower abdomen and just relax, and there's going to be a time where you're not going to be able to relax anymore and that's fine, but just try to stay relaxed as long as possible. And I'm like, okay, I'm doing whatever you say is what I'm thinking in my head. And yeah, he pushed down on my lower abdomen, he put to his like middle and ring finger inside of me, um and uh, like up and down. He hooks his fingers inside and you know, it's actually, I think, going up against that. If he you know, women, if you ever hopefully reached inside of yourself, you know that like spongy part that you can feel a little bit weighs up inside of your vagina, that's what he's hooking his fingers up against. And you know, he's moving his hand like, while he's pushing down, with just the right amount of pressure, pushing down on my abdomen, moving his arm on his other arm up and down quite fast. And yeah, it's only a couple seconds into, I'm trying to be relaxed, trying to be relaxed, and then all of a sudden, I could not be relaxed anymore. And I think it's when you clench down finally, that all of this fluid like shot out into the air and kept shooting out, cause he was still like moving his arm, just like you see on the porns, like you know except mine was actually like squirting fluid and not a woman who has a full bladder pretending she's squirting, and that was the first of so many times that he did that to me. I do, on my bed, have a comforter or a duvet, and is it a duvet? It's a regular like comforter, has a cover, a duvet cover. It's not super thick, but let me tell you we went through my liquid over that afternoon with him, went and into the early evening because this went on for hours. Went through my liquid over that afternoon with him, went and into the early evening Cause this went on for hours. Went through the duvet, through my fitted sheet, through the waterproof cover that I had on oh, it was a waterproof freaking cover Went through that went onto my mattress. So I literally, like the next day I had to air out my mattress.

Etienne:

Um, it was so much like I I wasn't just from the first time, it was from the the many times that he did that to me and I was just like floored. And at one point he actually he took me to the bathroom, uh, to the floor in the bathroom, so I could see just how much comes out when he does it, so he could see the little pile of like liquid, and I was like this is fantastic. Yeah, I mean we had actual like sex and like oral like we had all the sex. But I mean he, there is.

Etienne:

There is nobody else that I've met in of the people that I've slept with who could make a woman squirt anywhere close to that Cause I've only had a few who were able to do it.

Etienne:

And he was literally like and I've done it to myself too. Actually, he this is a funny thing he, um, he had a friend, a female friend that he had slept with before and he's like she's very into. She wanted to learn how to do the squirting for herself. So she bought a very specific vibrator and he told me which one and he said I'm going to ask permission from her, but you guys can get in touch with each other possibly and she can walk you through how she does it for herself and I'm like great. So she and I had a phone conversation about a month later and she went through the steps of what she does and the part as a woman, on your own, doing it like as a man can do it like, literally you can walk in here and if he knows what he's doing, I could be squirting in three seconds you know, but for a woman to do it to herself, at least the way she, the way she did it and the way I did successfully do it.

Etienne:

It took 30 minutes of mass of edging, masturbation to myself, before, like then, finally getting on my knees and putting that special vibrator inside against that spot, using a vibrator on the outside of me too, and that's when I squirted. But I mean, 30 minutes of edging is by yourself it's kind of torturous. So I should probably do it again. You know, try it again, but I haven't.

Heidi:

I've got a vibrator that hits the right spot too.

Etienne:

Does it have kind of like a flattish head on it, like mine's got like a quarter-sized flattish head on it.

Heidi:

It's got the suction thing for the clitoris, but then also it curves around and gets the G-spot just right, and it's incredible. So it gets the g-spot just right and it's incredible.

Heidi:

So it gets the outside and the inside and yeah, it's my favorite one

Etienne:

and you've squirted from that

Heidi:

yes, yes

Etienne:

oh, my god, like every time you use it, or or when you use it for that purpose,

Heidi:

when I yeah it's my special one that, yeah, I use just for that.

Etienne:

All right you have to.

Etienne:

Yeah, send me, maybe you can put the link

Heidi:

yes,

Etienne:

show notes.

Heidi:

It's from Womanizer. Just look up Womanizer, you'll find it.

Jane:

Oh, I've heard people

Etienne:

it's called the Womanizer.

Heidi:

Well, the company, oh, okay, they're most famous for the suction clitoral.

Etienne:

I might have that one. I have a suction-ish one. Yeah, that's for the clit, yeah.

Heidi:

I have like several from that company.

Etienne:

Well, how long? I'm just curious. How long does it take you to have a squirting orgasm from that?

Heidi:

If somebody knows what they're doing, not long.

Etienne:

No, no, no, With you and the vibrator.

Heidi:

Oh, oh, I see what you're saying. It's not a half hour, but yeah, yeah,

Etienne:

it's kind of a buildup, right you

Etienne:

Have to build up

Heidi:

Because you're like, when someone's doing it for you, you can just like let loose and get into the moment and like let it happen when, if you're trying to do it like, it's like you're trying to get out of your head a little bit, but also trying to make it happen with the movement, so you're yeah, it just takes a lot longer

Etienne:

okay

Heidi:

But, eventually it gets to the point where you just, yeah, like the feelings there and you're going to go.

Etienne:

Well, what she described to me, too is she said that literally it took a long time at first, but the more you do it with yourself, the faster it'll happen. So it's probably something like you just learn to do better. She's like now I can just have it happen. I was like what? She's like, yeah, I can just have a guy like pretty much put his cock inside of me and I'm going, I'm like, wait, what is that? Okay. So, remembering this now, maybe I should go and become an expert at making myself squirt, so that I can always be a squirter.

Etienne:

You know, I can squirt all over the place with all the towels down first

Jane:

we know what Eddie's doing on her next rainy afternoon. She's like you know

Etienne:

I'm going to be busy guys. I've got an afternoon scheduled with myself in my bedroom.

Heidi:

And I will definitely send you the link for the special vibrator, because it works every time.

Etienne:

I'm totally getting it

Heidi:

it's amazing

Heidi:

Yeah, because using two vibrators, that's extra hard. Yeah, no, this one gets rid of that so yeah

Etienne:

I don't need to be using all of my hands like holding devices.

Heidi:

Exactly, yeah, see, that's another reason why yeah. If it's all complicated like yeah, it's going to take a while to get there.

Etienne:

Oh, my God.

Jane:

It doesn't sound very relaxing yet.

Etienne:

No, no

Etienne:

Yeah, I'm like exhausted. Yes, I had my squirting orgasm, but now I'm fucking tired as shit.

Etienne:

I'm gonna go to bed at like five in the afternoon

Jane:

now I haven't been able to be as detailed as you guys because I, out of respect for my husband, but, I can share quickly like a much more pg kind of story as we're all Gen Xers here. It was cinematic, it felt very John Hughes movie to me.

Jane:

But it was a slow burn. There was a guy that I had a crush on for a couple of years in high school and the feeling was mutual but we just never acted on it. He was a year before me and I don't know what it was. We just didn't want to act on it in high school and we kind of we had a flirty relationship and then we also had a competitive relationship because this is going to sound super geeky, because it is, but we both wrote literary analyses competitively.

Etienne:

Wait, that's a thing.

Jane:

It is a thing All right. I won at the state level, but not until he graduated, because he was my nemesis. We were always in competition with each other and we would go to these competitions. We'd start at the school level. They put you in a room with the other people competing in this. You have an hour to write a literary analysis. They give you the topic and then a list of 20 books and it's always comparative. So you're going to hope that you've read two books on the list that you could write a good enough thesis about and then give examples and just do this analysis competitively.

Etienne:

Wait, you have to pause here for a second. Does that mean that you killed it in the SATs? Isn't there like an essay part? There used to be an essay part in the SATs.

Jane:

there was not an essay part when I took it in 1990 and 1991

Etienne:

okay

Jane:

it was just a verbal they added one, but yeah, but then, but not when I had taken it, okay, and they you know.

Jane:

So we were competing in all of these different contests and he always came in first and I always came in second, anyway, so it was a joke between us. I'm like I will win when you graduate, and that's exactly what happened. But we kept in touch because he was just a lovely human being. He tutored me in math because I sucked in math, but he was good at everything. He also was freaking jacked because he was a very experienced martial artist. He was a third degree black belt in Taekwondo and he was very muscular and just did, really smart and really smooth and confident and charitable.

Etienne:

Oh, come on

Jane:

he was the valedictorian of his class and he gave a speech that made everybody cry, holy shit.

Jane:

Yeah, I mean

Etienne:

is he famous now Like he sounds like he should be famous.

Jane:

No, he's not famous.

Jane:

He is just a fabulous communicator and a really good friend. So I didn't want to mess. I think that's why we did. We were good friends, so we just didn't want to mess it up. But then he went to college. He went to yale, of course he went anyway. So he went to yale and I went to stony brook university, which is directly across long island sound, pretty much from from yale, and so I would go visit him. Sometimes I would get on a ferry and go across the sound. He would pick me up and I would hang out in yale and we'd go to parties and hang out and just have a good time. Still, nothing ever happened. Still very flirty. Nothing ever happens.

Jane:

Until the summer, after my freshman year, he was doing an internship at Harvard Medical because he was pre-med. He did not end up becoming a doctor, but that's beside the point, but he's at Harvard Medical School doing an internship over the summer and he was staying at an apartment in Cambridge and he said hey, I'd love you to come up here and we could hang out in Boston and it would be just such a blast. I'll fly you up, fly me up. Anyway, we're in college. At that time I'm 18, because I turned 17 halfway through my freshman year, so I'm 18. It's in the summer and the tall ships were in Boston that summer. So this is the summer of 1992.

Jane:

And he buys a plane ticket for me, for a little puddle jumper, to leave from Long Island's MacArthur Airport to fly to Boston. And he picks me up and we just it was something we didn't state explicitly, we just knew like this is finally going to be our romantic weekend. But we were both now kind of shy about it, because at this point we've known each other for several years. And he picks me up at the airport and takes me around Boston and we go to see the tall ships and there were fireworks, and we're just hanging out all over Boston. And then we go back to his apartment and we get ready for he's like I'm going to take you to a really nice dinner.

Jane:

We went to this romantic restaurant. Now, we're both neither one of us are 21 yet but we were all dressed up and he ordered wine with confidence, no questions asked. They're just like we have a bottle of wine, we order enough. So we, between the two of us, we drank two bottles of wine. So we're both like, really like. We're drunk but not sloppy, because we did it with class. We're like we have food in us and then we get back on the subway and we're like holding hands on the subway and you know, that's just that feeling like electricity, like we haven't even kissed yet.

Heidi:

Wow.

Jane:

But we're going back to this apartment where it's just him and me and we are walking up to the apartment and it's just feeling we could see and we could hear thunder and see lightning. We could hear thunder and see lightning, but it's not raining yet and there is a man this is where it gets very John Hughes, and I swear to you this is what happened Someone has their window open and they're practicing the saxophone.

Etienne:

Oh come on.

Jane:

We are in the courtyard by where his apartment building is and he just pulls me close and we're just slow dancing to some stranger playing a saxophone. I don't recognize the song he was playing.

Jane:

It was just like a slow jazz kind of song. And then, per john hughes, there's a thunderclap and now it's just pouring, pouring and that is when he kisses me. We are soaking wet in the rain. I'm like molly ringwald in the room like yes, you can take me here, and we're just like like kissing hard like our lives depend on it.

Jane:

Yeah, this is like seven years worth of flirting, like now, like culminating, and like this kiss in the rain. And then he just like then yanks my arm. We start laughing because now it's like lightning and we're thinking maybe we should, it's not safe. And we go in the elevator and you guys both know how I hate elevators, I don't even care. He stops the elevator and we're just making out in the elevator and it's just so hot. He's hiking up my dress and it's just like everything is just hot, hot, hot. And then he undoes the elevator. We go back to his apartment and he has this comforter that is hanging off the side of the couch. He just rips it off and flails it out like it's a picnic blanket on the floor and it was just amazing. And he was the first person, the first guy, who made me have an orgasm, because it was just so goddamn beautiful.

Etienne:

Oh, my God.

Jane:

And he was just so hot, like his body is just like like abs, that like like washboard situation and and we were just pretty much naked like the entire weekend after that, like we ate naked. We ordered chinese food. It just like satinated on the that comforter, we ate on it, we made love on it, and then he took me out lingerie shopping and we were, and he came with me in to try stuff on At the store

Etienne:

oh wow

Jane:

at the store

Etienne:

Nice.

Jane:

With confidence, with confidence.

Jane:

I'm 18. Like a man, exactly Like a man. So what happened and so he bought me all this lingerie and then he was like okay, now let's go back and you can try it on and it was just.

Jane:

Ah, it was a whole, but that was it. Just that weekend

Etienne:

Shut up. No

Jane:

he lived, because he was in Boston then for you know, and then he went back to New Haven to finish Yale, you know, and I was at Stony Brook and then I was, you know, went to England for you. We just knew like this wasn't going to, you know, we didn't want to do the long distance thing, but but we stayed friends

Etienne:

like you're still friends with him

Jane:

Yeah, I still talk to him from time to time.

Etienne:

Is he married?

Heidi:

That's what I'm wondering too.

Etienne:

I asked first.

Jane:

He never.

Heidi:

He never got married.

Etienne:

He never got married.

Jane:

He never got married. He is single. He ended up dropping out of med school and then getting a degree in either English or communications. Because, like I told, you, he's like an amazing writer and so now he does similar to what I do with writing, thought leadership and doing marketing type writing, and he's traveled all over the world. He's lived all over the world. I mean, he's fluent in a couple of different languages.

Jane:

He was born in Korea, so he's Korean. I'm not sure who he's working for now. He worked for Samsung for many years doing marketing communication stuff for them and now he goes in and helps companies do branding and I think he might even have his own he.  might have his own company actually doing branding stuff.  He's a phenomenal human being. You guys can flip for it for an intro, but yeah,

Heidi:

Where does he live?

Heidi:

Does he live in New York still?

Jane:

He actually, he never lived in New York, he lived in a bunch of different countries. Well, he went to school in Connecticut

Etienne:

oh, Connecticut.

Etienne:

Sorry, I'm not sure where Yale is, that's right.

Jane:

It's in Connecticut. And then he lived in Korea for a while and I think he lived in Singapore and he lived in California. I think he might be in California now or he might be in Georgia.

Etienne:

That's way different

Jane:

he was in Atlanta.

Jane:

I know it's very different. I can't keep track.

Jane:

I'll have to ask him, Heidi you almost met him.

Jane:

What he almost came? Well, because he was supposed to come to one of the bookstore events that I did for my memoir Losing the Dollhouse. Because he's mentioned in Losing the Dollhouse, I wanted to make sure I had his permission. This very episode I'm talking about. I actually wrote about it in the book because it was just an example of why didn't I go for that? That was healthy and beautiful, but he read it and he said that it meant just as much to him as it did to me because I took his virginity. That was his first time. What I'm describing to you was his first time.

Etienne:

Was it your first time too?

Jane:

No, but he thought it was.

Jane:

But it's okay.

Etienne:

That's why he didn't want to go in the bed.

Jane:

Oh my gosh, I never even thought about that.

Etienne:

He didn't want you to get in.

Jane:

No,

Etienne:

maybe I don't know, it's just a thought.

Etienne:

I was like why are they going on the floor? Why don't

Etienne:

we just go.

Etienne:

It's like how much further to the bed, like

Heidi:

well what an amazing experience for your first time,

Etienne:

yeah

Jane:

he

Etienne:

I mean for his first time

Heidi:

that's what I'm saying like yeah, that's an amazing like weekend

Jane:

he's a romantic.

Jane:

I think that he had done stuff with other women, yeah, but he hadn't gone like all the way. Yeah, let's be true, gen x about it. He went all the way with me and so, but it means a lot to me that I'm like forever etched in his brain as like his first but it was such a wonderful experience for both of us

Etienne:

wow, we'd love to meet him

Jane:

well, I can make that happen,

Etienne:

okay Heidi, we might be going on a trip.

Etienne:

We'll have individual dates.

Etienne:

It'll be like

Etienne:

a bachelor,

Heidi:

the bachelor, yeah,

Etienne:

no,

Heidi:

we'll be the bachelorettes and get with all of Jane's exes.

Etienne:

I know, oh God, I mean, you know us.

Etienne:

So well,

Heidi:

all her friends, all her guy friends.

Etienne:

Yeah, we could like recommend people to each other that we think, although I know nobody, that I'd recommend for anybody.

Etienne:

Sorry,

Heidi:

yeah, I don't know if I know anybody that I would recommend either. That's single yeah.

Heidi:

I don't know

Jane:

future show idea the dating game.

Etienne:

I mean that would be the perfect idea is to find a man through your friends, like right, they know each of you you know, and then you just put them together.

Heidi:

I'm about to put that out. That call out like alright, don't be holding back if you have guy friends that are decent like yeah,

Etienne:

as long as they know you well enough to be able to actually fully know what is it you're looking for in your mate.

Etienne:

Maybe they don't know all the way

Jane:

you have to put squirting skills on the questionnaire that I give to any men that I interview here, so

Etienne:

that's not a necessity, but that would definitely be a plus, like such a plus plus, I mean that would be, fantastic I.

Etienne:

That would be so good

Heidi:

I guess you could train somebody

Etienne:

but people might not know how much forearm strength it takes for a man to be able to do that like I taught multiple men how to do it, because he described it to me, the guy who was it, who was the expert at it. He described to me exactly what he was doing and the motion like that, how like the motion had to be.

Etienne:

It wasn't an in and out like it looks in the porns, it's an up and down, like with your, you know

Heidi:

yeah

Etienne:

he's basically trying to pick you up your body with his two fingers, pushing it up against that soft like inner, whatever that spot,

Heidi:

the G spot

Etienne:

something, glands there's a name for it, like a specific anatomical name for that spot in your vagina. But I've tried to teach multiple men since that time. And literally their arms give out, give out. And I'm like all right you got to take up tennis, give out. And I'm like all right you gotta take up tennis because he was a tennis player too. He was a tennis player and his forearm was insanity like holy cow yeah for

Heidi:

plus getting the workout of

Etienne:

of doing it

Heidi:

using women

Etienne:

yeah, I mean, I don't know.

Etienne:

He literally has had sex or made hundreds of women squirt. I'm not even even joking Hundreds. He says he's never found a woman. He couldn't make squirt with every woman he's had happen.

Heidi:

This very topic came up in Gen X Singles, a group I'm in on Facebook. It was a guy asking about is that a real thing? I've seen it in porn. He didn't know it was a real thing. Does that actually happen in porn? Yeah, he didn't know. He didn't know it was a real thing and all in you know, there were several men who piped in. They're like oh yeah, you can make any woman do that. And some of us women were like yeah, we love it.

Jane:

Skeins gland Is that the name?

Etienne:

Yes, I think that is a skein's gland. Yeah, yeah, because it's the stuff. It's the spot where your actual lubrication comes out of, the lubrication that you feel when your body is turned on and getting ready to have intercourse yeah, so that's the same place. I'm gonna murder my dog, by the way

Heidi:

and that's our show.

Heidi:

You've been listening to. The women are plotting. If you have a story you'd like to share or have any comments, we'd love to hear from you. Email us at info@ thewomenareplottingcom, and, of course, you can find us on all the socials. Thanks and until next time. Be safe and be excellent to each other. Thank you, bye.

People on this episode

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Etienne Rose Olivier

Co-host
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Heidi Willis

Co-host
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Jane Gari

Co-host