Our Dating Horror Stories

Dating can sometimes be thrilling. And other times absolutely unhinged. Our wildest dating horror stories may make you laugh, cringe, and rethink your safety plan for your next first meet. 

We start with a hilarious “not-a-date” blind date to a Hamptons rave that brings hostage vibes to mind, before moving on to an OKCupid date featuring age lies, drunk negging, and leering tag-a-long friends.  We end with a multi-week dating experience where tiny icks—heavy footsteps, salad slurping, and "almost" empty condiments—foreshadow a hard boundary breach around hygiene and kink consent. Each story is ridiculous, but each also reveals a principle worth keeping: believe what people show you, exit fast when a boundary is crossed, and never apologize for protecting your peace.

We don’t just vent; we translate chaos into practice. Keep first meets short and public. Don’t debate the red flag that shows up on minute ten. Listen, laugh with us, then add your voice—we want your worst-date stories and your dating dealbreakers. If you smiled, winced, or took a note, please follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a review so other listeners can find us. Your stories might save someone’s night (or make it!).

Email us at info@thewomenareplotting.com, and find us on all the socials. Be safe and be excellent to each other.

Chapters

• 0:00 Shoutout to Finland!!!
• 0:47 The Worst Date From a Buzzfeed Article
• 1:59 Viral TikTok Horror Stories And Mental Health
• 3:49 How “Dating” Began And Got Policed
• 5:22 The Rave “Non‑Date” That Wouldn’t End
• 15:45 OKCupid Date Goes Off The Rails
• 27:05 Magician Vibes And Blotto Hypocrisy
• 29:53 The Dealbreakers Pile Up
• 43:47 Closing And How To Reach Us

Transcript

[00:00:00] Etienne: Quick shout out to Finland, which is one of our top three listener countries. And I'm really excited about this because when you look at my Ancestry DNA results, I am 27% Finnish. Besides Finnish, Swedish is also one of the official languages of Finland, and I have been learning Swedish for a while because it's slightly easier than Finnish. And I would like to say to Finland. Which means I love you. 

[00:00:27] Etienne: Welcome listeners. This is The Women Are Plotting. I'm Etienne Rose Olivier and I'm here with my friends and co-hosts, Heidi Willis and Jane Gari.

[00:00:42] Etienne: On today's episode we're gonna be talking about dating nightmares. 

[00:00:49] Etienne: And for today's fun fact mine comes from Buzzfeed and it was about dating nightmares basically. And I just read all of these, they're not very long, but this is my favorite one of all the ones I read. So a man went into a restaurant with his date and he ordered a 200 daughter, 200, sorry, bottle of sake for him and his date. I know, I said daughter. Right as he was about to pour a shot for his date, his wife and teenage daughter stormed in and began cursing him out in front of the entire restaurant. All three women proceeded to take turns slapping him and walked out. He sat there speechless and embarrassed for about 10 seconds and then left himself and they said the best part was that he left the bottle there untouched so the staff got to enjoy it for free. So, yeah, that was the, I don't know, funny. That story is great. I can't, that's balls. And he's obviously terrible at dating behind his wife's back because they found him right at the beginning of the date.

[00:01:53] Heidi: Yeah. Wild.

[00:01:55] Etienne: my God. And wait, Heidi, I think you're gonna give us your fun fact.

[00:01:59] Heidi: So, dating nightmares is viral, tikTok fun. Like it's actually one of the top trending videos on TikTok topics, people telling their dating nightmare stories. I guess there's so many. But yeah, at one point it was at like 74 million views, that trend dating horror story.

[00:02:24] Heidi: And people would tell their dating horror stories while they're getting ready or while they're doing other things. But the article I read was like, don't get too much into the dating horror story rabbit hole 'cause it just will wreck havoc on your mental health. And so they were like, it's okay to vent and just talking about how to take breaks from going down those dating black holes. So they're like search for healthy relationship tips. If your habits sound like the villain's behaviors in a story time for introspection. And then if you're posting about your dating experiences, be accountable, watch with caution, and don't only watch negative dating tiktoks. So I thought those were helpful tips If you end up in said rabbit holes.

[00:03:11] Etienne: Think I would definitely say don't, I mean they're entertaining, but I would say don't watch them right before you're gonna go on a first date with somebody. It feels like you're bringing the energy with you.

[00:03:20] Heidi: Exactly. Exactly.

[00:03:22] Jane: I think this is all just indicative of how bad it is out there and, um,

[00:03:27] Heidi: I'm just thinking the

[00:03:28] Jane: Yeah, sometimes I'll hear these horror stories and I'll just look at my husband. I'm like, don't ever leave me like this, this. So it sucks out there. And he's just like, that's the plan. But yeah. My fact I actually wasn't looking up horror stories, but more of, I was curious about how people started calling dates dates and the history of dating. 

[00:03:51] Jane: So mine's more of like, there's a book by Moira Weigel called Labor of Love, the Invention of Dating and before people went on dates, they'd call it courtship or calling on somebody. But the word date doesn't show up in our language in that way until 1896 when some poor guy was complaining that his girlfriend was filling in all my dates, meaning the calendar.

[00:04:14] Jane: And so then it kind of took off from there as that term for courtship basically. And then fast forward just a couple of years and dating was basically a crime. In 1900, a woman could get, and this is in the United States, could get arrested just for letting a guy buy her or soda because cops thought it was like a prostitution type interaction.

[00:04:40] Heidi: my God.

[00:04:41] Jane: Like because he's buying her something and she's giving him attention and they're like, okay, what kind of transactional stuff is this? But then people gradually became to accept it as a cultural phenomenon. And of course, in true American capitalism style, dating turned into a big business.

[00:04:57] Jane: And so old school courtship is all about marriage and property. And then dating became you're buying stuff for a girl just to get FaceTime with her. And now I think if we went back to the old way of doing things parts of our economy would probably start falling apart. 

[00:05:09] Etienne: Like restaurants, or fancy restaurants. 

[00:05:11] Jane: Yeah, seriously. But I firmly believe that once you are married, you still should date each other. To me, dating has a positive connotation, but that's 'cause my husband and I do date each other and have fun. But I went through a lot. 

[00:05:24] Jane: I earned my relationship with my husband because I kissed a lot of freaking frogs and the worst frog ever probably was this date that I went on in 1992 and I didn't know it was a date, right? So this is what happened. So I'm working as a receptionist part-time while I was in college, at this insurance company and the office chicks, some of them were my age and I was like a big time raver, it was in big into the New York rave scene at the time and there was a rave that was out in the Hamptons, like way out in East Hampton, almost to Montauk.

[00:06:02] Jane: So it was gonna take a while to get there from where I was living in Stony Brook, which is in the middle of Long Island. So those of you're not familiar with the area, there's New York City and then you hear about the Hamptons, it's just way out. Like an hour and a half drive and I thought that we were gonna go as a group, like there were some people from work who were interested in going and they had never been to a rave before, but they like techno. So I was like, yeah, you, the more the merrier. And then I had my core rave friends who were going separate from me because we were trying to figure out the car situation.

[00:06:30] Jane: 'Cause I'm like, okay, my car, I can fit several people. So like the work posse that wanted to go, can go and one of my work friends said, oh, can my cousin Larry go? And I honestly, I don't remember this dude's name. I'm calling him Larry for the sake of the story. So I'm not just like the dude, I don't remember his name because after this night, never saw him again.

[00:06:48] Jane: But so Larry, she's like, can my cousin Larry come? And I was just like, yeah, sure. The more the merrier. 'Cause I think we're going as a group. So she's like, yeah, we can all meet at my house. So there was supposed to be three girls from work and Larry, and then me, the driver. So I get to her house and nobody's there except for freaking Larry.

[00:07:07] Jane: So when I go to knock on the door, he is just like, oh yeah, he is like my cousin's sick. And Stacey couldn't come and Laura couldn't come, you know? But I can go. So I was like, wait a second, what is happening? But he seemed nice enough and she had said that he was a fun guy and he was really sweet and he was okay looking. I wasn't interested in him, like at all. I'm thinking we're just going in. He'll be meeting with my other friends there, but now I'm alone with Larry in my

[00:07:34] Etienne: Oh no, and this drive is how, it's like an hour and a half drive with Larry. 

[00:07:38] Jane: Yes. Yes. And it's, and it's raining

[00:07:41] Etienne: So it might take longer than an hour and a half. 

[00:07:43] Jane: Bad. Oh, and it did. And part of the story is that the boss at this insurance company, for that particular branch office was my dad. And that is yes, how I got the job. But whatever part-time job in college, who cares. But the people know like that he's my dad. And Larry apparently knew that I was his cousin's boss's daughter. We're in the car. It's raining. I'm trying to focus, there's no GPS.

[00:08:09] Jane: Okay. So I'm handing him the rave flyer with the directions on them that are bad directions, they're not specific enough and we are lost and it's raining and he is just talking. Like the conversation progressively on this road trip that I'm taking with a freaking stranger who thinks we're on a date. He starts acting super flirty. He's like, this is kind of romantic, right? our first date, it's raining. It is a dark and stormy night. We could always talk about it. And I'm like, we are not on a date. I'm saying this out loud. I'm like, we're not on a date, Larry. And he's just like, well, you know, I kind of talked to, you know, like my cousin about this. I mean, he's basically letting me know that this was the plan all along, is that 

[00:08:44] Etienne: What? 

[00:08:45] Jane: Just gonna fall off because she thought we would hit it off really well. And I was just like, I'm like, I hate to

[00:08:52] Heidi: It was a blind date you didn't know 

[00:08:53] Jane: blind date that I did not know about until I was on it, and he's, he's, talking about how he just got out of rehab and that he's doing well. And then, um.

[00:09:07] Etienne: All the things. 

[00:09:08] Jane: All the things. 

[00:09:09] Heidi: I think this girl secretly hated you. 

[00:09:11] Jane: I think so too. And um, he.

[00:09:16] Heidi: Oh fuck. 

[00:09:16] Jane: Laughing psychotically. And then we were in a part of the road that was flooded and the water was almost all the way over my wheel well, and I was like, we have to get out of this. And he was just like, yeah, you don't wanna be deserted on the side of the road.

[00:09:27] Jane: He's like, oh, what happened to the boss's daughter? We'll never know. Ha ha. And I was like, oh, shut the fuck up. Like, I was like, I can't do this. And I see lights in the distance, 'cause when you get further out on Long Island, in between the Hamptons, it is dark and the rave didn't even start until 10 o'clock at night. So like, we're driving, it's already dark and now it's like 11 o'clock at night. We pull into a gas station, barely. I'm thinking my car is gonna stop running with all this water. But it finally, we were at a part where the elevation was higher so it wasn't as flooded.

[00:09:57] Jane: And I go into the gas station to help ask for directions. And, the guy who I was asking directions from was even asking me, he's just like, are you okay? Almost like blink twice if you need help. 'Cause he could tell like the other guy's just walking around the store, like getting snacks. And he was just like, can I get beer? And I was just like, you just got outta rehab. No, you can't get beer. And the guy behind the counter is definitely, he's like, are you okay? And I was like, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. But there's no cell phones at this time. You know what I mean? So, if I was to get in trouble now on the way to the rave, it was stupid in my part. I should have just left him at that gas station. But I felt a little bit bad, but whatever. 

[00:10:32] Jane: So he gets back in the car and he's still talking about this is gonna be a memorable date. And I keep reminding him, not a date. We finally, we get to the place and thank God my friends are there. And I immediately go up to them, they're in line and I hug them and I whisper in my friend David's ear, and I'm like, this guy thinks he's on a date with me. Not a date, not a date. I am not having fun. I don't want to be stuck with him. I need all hands on deck, pass the word around to all our friends and just help me be with me at all times.

[00:11:02] Jane: And thank God they did not let me down. These are awesome friends, but we're in line and now Larry's insisting on paying for me 

[00:11:08] Etienne: because he thinks it's a 

[00:11:09] Jane: and I was just like, no, no, no, no, no. I was like, I am paying for myself because again, not a date. And then he starts yelling at me. All right. He was just like a gentleman pays. And it just got outta hand very quickly and my friend David had to intervene and be like, dude, not a date, take a hint.

[00:11:26] Jane: And he was just like, fine. He was just like, you gotta be like an effing bitch. And he like, he was just like, really? And then he starts storming off. Then he proceeded to find someone who had both acid and ecstasy. And so he gets like out of his mind, he just got outta rehab.

[00:11:39] Etienne: Oh my God. Did he take both? 

[00:11:41] Jane: So now he's out of his mind and keeps trying the whole night just Yes. Yes. And he just keeps just dancing in my face, trying to grind up on me. My friends were intervening the entire time. One of my friends pulled me aside and said, do you want me to see if I can get him kicked out? And I said, maybe. But now it's like really stormy bad outside. So I was just like, uh, I don't know. Like I have to go and face this guy's cousin that I work with who's like my dad's employee now. It's awkward. I'm like, just, let's just try to ignore him the best we can. And he goes, I could get someone to punch him in the face. I'm like, I might take you up on that. So I did get some people to corner him and tell him to pipe down and leave me alone.

[00:12:17] Jane: And then I got another friend to actually drive him home. 'Cause now the next morning he still rocked out of his face. And so I was just like, you are not getting in my car. And he was just like, but we're still at, I'm like, we're not on a date, like the whole night.

[00:12:32] Heidi: Oh 

[00:12:33] Jane: And this is now eight o'clock in the morning, he still thinks we're on a date. And he's screaming at me and he was just like, I'm really sorry that, you know, like, we're fighting, but I'll be better. And I'm like,

[00:12:42] Jane: we 

[00:12:42] Heidi: He had a whole.

[00:12:44] Heidi: He had a whole relationship with you in his head. He seriously did. He had the first fight and he was like, I'll do better. Take me back.

[00:12:53] Jane: Bonkers. And so, yeah, so in, in the course of one evening, we had like a non-relationship relationship. I have no idea. This is like, those of you who listened to another episode where I had a dude who I kissed him once and now I was in his emergency contact. The same thing. This dude, I meet, I meet him once, now we're in a relationship and we're breaking up and I'm like, we never even went on a date, dude. This is not. Anyway. I'm still mad about it because apparently this is like, like 32 years ago or whatever it was, uh, 1992,

[00:13:21] Heidi: Yeah, that she had to have known how crazy her cousin

[00:13:25] Etienne: Oh yeah. Yeah. When you saw her again

[00:13:27] Heidi: total setup. 

[00:13:28] Jane: Oh, I was livid. I was like, why did you do that to me? She goes, I thought that you guys would hit it off. I'm like, no, no, no, no. Also, he did a lot of drugs and she was like, oh my God, you let him do drugs?

[00:13:39] Jane: Like he's in rehab. I'm like. Let him, I said, he's not my boyfriend. He was not, I did not wanna be on a date with him. He's not my responsibility. And she was mad that I let him backslide. I was like, okay. For what? His like two days of sobriety. 

[00:13:54] Etienne: as this chaperone. 

[00:13:55] Heidi: invite him to a rave? 

[00:13:58] Jane: That's what I said.

[00:13:59] Heidi: Yeah. 

[00:14:00] Jane: I was like, what happens at raves? Why did you think this was a good idea? She's like, well, you don't do that stuff because, and I didn't at the time. She goes, well, you don't do drugs, so I just thought that you would be a good influence on him. And I'm like, it. No, it didn't. It didn't work. Didn't work. And at that time, for listeners who also have heard, like I absolutely did do drugs, but at the time I did not. My early rave days were stone cold, sober, and babysitting other people who weren't. But I didn't wanna babysit a stranger who thought that he was my instant boyfriend.

[00:14:28] Jane: Anyway, that was definitely the worst date I've ever been on that I didn't even wanna be on a date. So yeah,

[00:14:36] Etienne: God. 

[00:14:38] Heidi: See, he's gonna get in touch with you now, and he is gonna be like, see, you called it a date. It was a date.

[00:14:44] Etienne: it was the word yes, exactly. You just called it a date at 

[00:14:47] Heidi: I was right, like

[00:14:50] Etienne: The worst non date, you should say, the worst non date I've ever been on.

[00:14:53] Heidi: Yeah. 

[00:14:54] Etienne: This is not a date. Makes me think of friends. We were on a break.

[00:14:59] Jane: Yes, totally. I must have said this is not a date, like at least like 50 times that night. 'Cause remember, he was really high. He was really high. So he just kept like, he tried,

[00:15:10] Heidi: This is.

[00:15:11] Jane: Oh my God. He was trying to inter, he was like pulling, he was like, come on, come over here. He is. Like, I, I just met somebody I want. And he was just like, this is my girlfriend. I was like, no. We're not on a date. It was so

[00:15:25] Heidi: my girl.

[00:15:25] Jane: It was so insane. I was like, I'm asking my friends to like probably beat you up. Like I really don't understand how this is happening. Anyway.

[00:15:34] Etienne: Well, I, yeah, dude. Okay. Well, my, yeah, I, I, yeah, I think I can actually. 

[00:15:43] Heidi: Let's hear it. We can't wait.

[00:15:45] Etienne: Okay, so, I had one date on OkCupid and this is why.

[00:15:55] Jane: the non shoutout to, ok,

[00:15:58] Etienne: I 

[00:15:58] Jane: is not a shadow 

[00:15:59] Etienne: is so bad, but I thought I had made a good choice. It turned out not a good choice for this date. So yeah, I don't know if any of you know OkCupid's platform is really strange or it used to be, I don't know if they still do this, but you just answer as many questions as you can about yourself.

[00:16:12] Etienne: And actually there was one morning where I was like, I'm gonna get to the bottom of this list 'cause I have nothing. I don't have a job, I have nothing to do this morning. I'm just gonna hours. I spent hours answering questions. I never. They kept coming. I don't, this was before AI, so it wasn't like there was AI at the end of this, making up new questions, 'cause I had hit like 300 or something at this point. I don't know how many questions, but there was no end to these questions, but there was a lot of sexual questions and they got really more specific as I got further into the process. Like it asked me if I did anal or if I was interested in an. Yeah, it was like all it got. Yeah. And I answered the questions. I was answering them honestly and I picked one guy to go on a date with.

[00:16:53] Heidi: You have a file out

[00:16:54] Etienne: My God, this guy was actually, so, I did try in the beginning of my dating, after my ex-husband, my dating life to try to date people who are around my age, at least in the beginning. And this was near the beginning. And then, just so many fail after fail. I just sort of gave up on that after a while. But this was one of the fails. So he was, I think he was 44 years old, but he said in his profile he was 40. Not that it mattered, I mean, 'cause I was right around that age too, when this happened. And his pictures, he was a very good looking guy, fit and he showed himself playing golf in one with his dog in another. And I was like, okay. So I matched with him and we text back and forth through the app like a little bit. I guess we had to do phone numbers 'cause he actually text me. So we did set up a date 'cause I don't like to tech talk too long 'cause you might get really into somebody or have a lot in common with them, messaging them. And then find out when you meet them in person

[00:17:47] Heidi: then when you meet him, 

[00:17:48] Etienne: this is not okay. Like, I'm not wasting my time. Like, if we click a little bit, I'm like, let's go on a coffee date.

[00:17:54] Etienne: Well, this was a drinks date he wanted to meet at a bar and I actually don't drink. And I didn't tell him that because I think that that turns off a lot of people and I can be around people drinking no problem. So I think meh, I'll just tell 'em later, on the date. So as I'm driving to the date, he text me and he is like, actually might have called me. I think he did. He called me and he is like, I'm so sorry, I can't remember your name. And I told him my name.

[00:18:22] Jane: Look it up in the app. 

[00:18:23] Etienne: meeting me for drinks and he cannot remember my name. And literally a date was supposed to start in like 15 minutes. 'Cause I had just left my house and I 

[00:18:32] Heidi: Red flag 

[00:18:32] Etienne: him my name and he's like, oh yeah, that's right. And, he is like. He was like, he's like, I, I've been out golfing with two friends that are from outta town, all day. He is like, do you mind if we push this back like 30 minutes our date? And I'm like, okay. And he is like, okay, all right. So, and now that I said okay to that, he's thought he would go a little further. He's like, can they come on the date? And I'm like, wait, what?

[00:18:57] Jane: Whoa. 

[00:18:57] Etienne: He's like, well, do you mind if they're in the restaurant, 'cause you know there's a bar restaurant, they could just be in the restaurant. Is that okay? Because they're from out of town and they're in the car with me right now. They're like driving with me. I don't really have any, I'm like, yeah, fine. What am I supposed to say?

[00:19:12] Etienne: I know. I'm like, what is happening? I'm like, I guess that's okay. I mean, it doesn't sound like you have a choice. Um, but o okay. Yeah. So I get to the bar at the original time because I was already on my way there. I didn't have a, I feel like I'm not gonna go somewhere else in the, I'm like, I'll just have a water, diet coke, whatever. I'm literally sitting at the bar by myself, so it's a little awkward. There's nobody else there. Like there's people eating in the restaurant, but nobody at the bar 'cause it was really early.

[00:19:39] Etienne: It was like six or seven at night. So he shows up at the time that he said, so that was good. And I didn't see the friends come in. I don't know if they went somewhere else first 'cause I, so I didn't notice them at all at first. And he sits down and he looks older than his pictures and he starts telling me. I don't know how it came up. He, I think he started insulting my pictures, like literally was insulting my pictures on the app. And he is like, yeah, you shouldn't have that picture in there. That's not very flattering. And I'm like, okay. And he is like, I'm like, well. How old are your pic? I mean, I'm like, my pictures are like, you know, they're like taken in the last few months.

[00:20:14] Etienne: Like these are like really recent pictures of me. Not that it matters, he was just saying they weren't flattering to me as a person. I could find more flattering pictures of myself, I'm sure. And I'm like, really? No, I don't take the best pictures unless it's a professional. For some reason I take shitty pictures.

[00:20:27] Etienne: So, but, and then he is, I'm like, well what about your pictures? Um, how old are they? You know? 'cause I obviously, they were, they were old. He is like, uh, I think they were like, like five years ago. And I'm like, when you're in our age group, do you know how quickly you change in five years? Like you could look completely different in five years.

[00:20:47] Etienne: He's like, yeah. And yeah, and he is like, 

[00:20:50] Jane: Or you can gain 10 pounds.

[00:20:51] Etienne: Yeah, exactly. And he is like, and I kind of lied about my age, so I'm actually 44. And I'm like, okay, well why did you lie about four years? And he is like, well, I was getting matched with 50 some year old ladies and that's just not okay for me.

[00:21:05] Etienne: And I'm like, okay. Then he goes into, and you shouldn't be answering all those questions on there, and I'm like, what? Why does that matter? Shouldn't I be honest about like, how, like I, I just kind of feel like the person I am eventually going to be with is going to learn all these things about me so why can't they learn them upfront if they want to? They can literally look at all. He's like, no, too much information. You shouldn't tell 'em all that. I'm like, okay.

[00:21:32] Jane: did you come

[00:21:32] Etienne: I guess that's what it felt like. He was just like lecturing me about everything and then he starts, well, immediately starts drinking. He's drinking, he's having like full up, straight up drinks of some kind. Like after the other? Yeah,

[00:21:44] Heidi: drinking all day golfing.

[00:21:47] Etienne: so I could tell the breath he was already drinking all day. Probably he's pounding drinks right in front of me. I tell him finally. I actually don't, he's like, can I buy you a drink? And I'm like, no, no. I, I actually don't drink. He's like, uh, like he didn't really say much about that. He just blew it off and kept drinking. He didn't slow down at all. When you heard, I don't drink that didn't, yeah. You think a normal person would be like, oh, maybe I should slow down my drinks.

[00:22:09] Etienne: But no, no, he kept going and then he start grabbing my knee. He started grabbing my leg while he was talking to me and squeezing. I literally had bruises the next day on my leg with how, and I don't bruise. I'm not one of those peaches. I know there's people out there that bruise, like they just blow on 'em and they bruise. But no, I take quite a bit of 

[00:22:27] Heidi: That is not okay for him to start 

[00:22:29] Etienne: he's grabbing and squeezing so hard and I'm like trying to get away a little bit, so I could get out of his reach. And he just kept following his chair. So I would get away and he'd come closer and oh God. And then he points to his friends.

[00:22:43] Etienne: He is like, oh yeah, my friends over there. Can you mind if they come over and meet you? And I'm like, okay. So they come over and it turns out they live here in Charleston. They are not from out of town. One is actually the ex-husband of an ex-coworker of mine. So I knew who he was.

[00:22:59] Etienne: Like right after he introduced himself, I'm like, you look familiar. And he is like, you do too. He said, where I worked. I'm like, yeah, that's exactly where I worked. So he told me who his ex-wife was and I'm like, I went to your party that you had, right after you guys got married. And he is like, yeah, we're not together anymore. Yeah. And he started talking, badmouthing her. I'm like, this is not okay. And then the other guy is looking at me like, I read your questions that you answered on 

[00:23:23] Etienne: Yeah. The other. The other. friends, the other friend who's looking at me and being really quiet until he said that, and he is looking at me with these eyes and I'm telling you, ladies, you know what this look looks like when they're looking at you like they would rape you right there if they could. I swear to God. And I was like, I have to pee, but I'm not gonna go pee right now. Like, I'm not gonna walk off to a bathroom that he might follow me. Like I literally thought that. So they actually left and went away back to their table.

[00:23:48] Etienne: Luckily, I don't know, I really thought that was it, that they were gonna be with me and this guy the rest of the time, but turns out he wasn't. And that was when the guy tells me that his dog has been in his car the entire time. Yeah. And it's like 75, 80 degrees out 'cause it's Charleston and it's only like October and it's always hot here. Yeah. And I'm like your dog has been in the car this whole time. And at this point it'd been like an hour and I only 

[00:24:12] Heidi: That is 

[00:24:13] Etienne: because it was so bad. I was like, this is gonna make the best story ever. And it really has. But like, is your dog okay in the car? It's hot out. He's like, oh yeah, the windows are down. She's used to it. She loves being in the car. So I'm thinking. Was his dog in the car the whole time he was playing golf too. Like his dog been in the car for like the entire day. I can't even remember what the dog was. Probably a bigger dog 'cause almost all men have big dogs, especially here in Charleston, big trucks, big dogs, you just have to little penis being dragged. Big dog.

[00:24:42] Heidi: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[00:24:44] Etienne: Um, anyway, so, um. Yeah, and that's when I was like, okay, I can't, I can't, I'm like, actually speaking of dogs, um, I, I have to go home and let my dogs out. I need to go and I'm like, wait a second to get the bartender's attention to pay for my. He didn't charge me for any of my diet Cokes that I had, so I was seeing if he wanted me to pay for 'em. I know they're usually free, but I at least wanna offer something. And I'm looking at the bartender trying to make eye contact and the guy my date says, don't worry about that, you can go.

[00:25:15] Etienne: Okay, that's how he ended the date. So I literally stood up and walked out and walked to my car super fast while looking behind me to make sure nobody's following me to my car. And when I got home, he had already text me, which I didn't read in my car. I waited till I got home. I was good about that.

[00:25:29] Etienne: And he literally text saying. We should have another date. I think I left a bad impression on you and you used my excuse about the dog, like, that's not okay. You can't use my excuse. I'm like, it's not your, you don't own excuses and no, we're never meeting again. I said no matter what, there's no way there's gonna be a better impression. Oh, and the one thing I kept harping on the whole time, I'm rich. I'm a catch. He said that so many times. I was like. I'm a catch, I'm rich. I'm so rich. And I'm like, Ugh. What? Ugh. You're so disgusting. He, I mean, it's so funny, like somebody can be attractive and be so gross. He literally left me with the grossest feeling ever. And I took a shower. I'm not a nighttime shower person. I literally took a shower just to get his energy off of me. Then, I deleted OkCupid, that night off my phone. You were deleted. There is no coming back from that. Like,

[00:26:21] Jane: I don't blame you.

[00:26:22] Etienne: Oh my God. Yeah. He was so gross. And the friend that look that he was giving me would not stop. And I was like, like nobody sees what he's doing with his face to me. Like make him stop. 

[00:26:35] Jane: that's called leering a Lear. Ugh.

[00:26:38] Etienne: It was awful. Yeah. Worst date. I don't know. I don't know who beats it. You had a very long, you like 12 hours with your guy. It sounded like that's a much longer mine was on. 

[00:26:46] Jane: Yes, it was. 

[00:26:48] Etienne: Time-wise. You beat me. 'cause yeah, mine was only an 

[00:26:51] Jane: It really was. 

[00:26:52] Etienne: minutes I think, tops. But yeah,

[00:26:54] Jane: Yeah, but that's a lot. And then the whole dog in the car thing, I would've been like, Ugh.

[00:26:57] Etienne: something wrong with you, like your dog in the car. Why would you do that? 

[00:27:01] Heidi: Yeah, that's not cool. Yeah.

[00:27:05] Jane: Heidi 

[00:27:05] Heidi: Well, mine are short and funny.

[00:27:08] Etienne: Oh my.

[00:27:10] Heidi: Okay, so first one. This guy, he came in looking like a magician.

[00:27:16] Jane: I.

[00:27:18] Heidi: No, missing the top hat, but just, yeah, like a modern day mag. I don't know. At one point he pulled out a stone, like a real crystal, and asked me what my thoughts were on it and if I could communicate with it. 

[00:27:31] Etienne: My God. 

[00:27:32] Heidi: And that he thought that it was a bad crystal 'cause his daughter, I think, wasn't allowing it into the house. I don't know. It was bizarre. It was wild. I was like, okay, well, crystals have energy and I'm as woowoo as they come, but this guy is whoa whoa. Like just out there. Yeah, he is out there even for me. So yeah, that was one and done.

[00:28:00] Jane: Oh God.

[00:28:02] Heidi: Like, because I'm just like, I, if I can give you permission to have the rock inside the house, I don't know. I don't know what your dilemma is and why your daughter won't allow it into the house. It's a fucking rock. All right. So anyway, that was one. And then the second one was, I'm on this date and we're talking about our dating nightmares and I'm talking about the wackadoo magician dude, wizard, dude, with the rock dilemma and wants to know if he can bring this rock inside. And I'm just like, whew. Anyway, this guy proceeds to tell me about the time that he picked up a woman and she was drunk already. And it just turned into like this drunken mayhem of a night. And it was a really funny story. Well, he proceeds to get bilatto after criticizing this woman for being blato on the first date. He got so drunk, he was stumbling and talking about how he's a better driver while drunk.

[00:29:00] Heidi: And I'm just like, I want no part of any of this. So I fucking left him. But I still paid for, like, he still expected me to pay for half the drinks, even though they

[00:29:11] Etienne: What? No.

[00:29:14] Heidi: I, yep. But, I went ahead and paid it just to get the fuck outta there. 'Cause I was like, I want no part of what is happening here. He did text me the next day and said he got home okay. And he didn't kill anybody. So I was like, okay, thank you and now lose my number 'cause I want no part of you in the future. But isn't that wild? Like his dating nightmare story was about woman who got blato on the first date and he proceeds to do the exact same thing. It was

[00:29:41] Etienne: You obviously met somebody who drinks more than he does, which can sounds like that's impressive.

[00:29:46] Heidi: Yeah. Seriously. Yeah, it was wild. Etty? Yeah. You got another one right? 

[00:29:53] Etienne: Yeah. So there was a guy that I was dating for a couple, I think it ended up being three weeks or a month, something like that. And I thought, he's so smart. He was really cool. He had a great job. He had his own car. There was all these positive things that's hard to find in the world in general. And, he seemed to check all the boxes. I did agree to a dinner for a first date, which I never do, because this was a year into my dating again post divorce. And, it was good. We had finger food. Lemme point that out. We had finger food. Oh, that finger food will come up later, why that's important. But one of the things we did talk about before our first date was, what are you looking for in the relationship? And we both were kind of the same way.

[00:30:36] Etienne: I was like, possibly relationship, but friends with benefits, I'm good with either. And he is like, yeah, me too. And he is like, well, is there anything sexually that you don't do? And I'm like. Well, I'm okay with most everything, just not anything involving feces.

[00:30:50] Etienne: And he is like, oh yeah, don't worry, I'm not into scat play. And I didn't even know that word before he said it, but he knew that word. So let me point that out. And, um, so. He, he said, no, he is not into that. Okay. So, I did bring him over to my house. I had sex the first night 'cause that's what I do.

[00:31:08] Etienne: And things were great there, things were awesome. So I was like, okay so far no red flags. No red flags at all. This is going great. My roommate Daisy, she lived below me. I was in the master bedroom upstairs. So, this guy, we'll call him Mark, had a heavy foot, and I've hardwood floors, so if you don't walk, like trying to walk quietly at night, when you're going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, the person downstairs is gonna hear you. I do not have really well insulated floors or anything. So she came to me after that very first night and was like, is he gonna be back? Is he like, is he gonna be a repeat person? Because there was plenty of one and dones for me. So I'm like, yeah, I kind of liked him.

[00:31:46] Etienne: She's like, can you ask him to walk quietly or at night when he is going to the bathroom? And I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry. I will ask him. Yes. Okay. Don't worry, I'll talk to him. Well, I think he did that one time walking quietly. Literally the first time I asked him. Then he never remembered again after that.

[00:32:03] Etienne: Back to his clump, clump, clump, I mean, no joke. And he's not even a big guy. Like he wasn't that tall. He didn't weigh that much. He was like fit but not crazy. And he was walking like he weighed 300 pounds. Like that's how heavy his foot was. 

[00:32:14] Heidi: A 

[00:32:15] Etienne: Oh God. The what? Yeah, that's exactly it. Oh my God. And then I started having meals with him that weren't finger food. So that involved utensils. And the first thing that he ate in front of me with a utensil was a salad. And so he took the first bite, well kind of took his first bite of salad, I don't know how you wanna call it, a bite or what he was doing, but he brought the fork up to his mouth and he did this like, like he was trying to suck the lettuce off of the fork, like suck it into his mouth like a little vacuum cleaner. And he did that with every bite. Like it was soup. You know how you like slurp soup? He was slurping salad off of his fork. He did this with every meal where he used utensils. Like he was just, yeah, it 

[00:33:00] Jane: so weird.

[00:33:01] Etienne: odd. And 

[00:33:02] Jane: That's like a compulsion thing. There's no way that's not. 

[00:33:05] Etienne: yeah, I, I, I've never encountered that before. I've never, and another funny thing that lasted for a lot longer after our relationship was officially over, whenever he would use condiments from my refrigerator, he wouldn't tell me that they were out. He would literally leave like the tiniest little, like half or quarter portion in the jar and not tell me and put it back in the refrigerator. So Daisy would come up behind me 'cause we would share condiments and she would go for something and like, what the fuck is this empty?

[00:33:35] Etienne: So many times because he would use condiments we never use. We put in there, we're like, forget about it. We don't remember how long they've been in there. So even months after I no longer saw him, we'd go like, oh my God, I found another Mark. There's another Mark in here. A fucking empty goddamn like condiment container. 

[00:33:52] Jane: Worcestershire sauce, it's 

[00:33:54] Etienne: But the final straws happened in a three day weekend. It was a, a Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It was some kind of a holiday that was happening on that Friday, I think. And, he came over and he was spending the whole weekend with me, and I think it was that Friday night he had gone to the bathroom.

[00:34:11] Etienne: And I went upstairs after him because I didn't use the downstairs bathroom 'cause that was Daisy's bathroom. I would just always say, you have to walk upstairs. Don't use her bathroom. Even when she's not there. Don't use it. That's hers. Mine's upstairs. So, I went in the bathroom after he did, he'd been up there for a while, so I figured, okay, he probably like, you know, had to do something extra besides peeing. That's fine, whatever. I don't care. So I let it sit there longer before I then went to go to the bathroom. Just because I don't wanna, I don't know if I had spray, I didn't remember, maybe didn't use spray. I don't wanna smell shit like, so I lift the toilet lid to go pee and there's like a giant conglomeration of shit and toilet paper going on in this toilet.

[00:34:52] Etienne: And I'm like, did he just not flush what is happening? So, I flush the toilet. The water is filling up the toilet. It's not, so I know how to turn off the water on. Yeah. So I, I went really quickly and I turned off the water so it didn't raise up all the way, but I was like, so either he didn't flush, he knew it was clogged. He, he must've known it was clogged. He didn't flush, obviously. Now I'm thinking about it now. He definitely didn't flush because it wouldn't have started back flowing up like it did for me when I flushed. So he just left his shit there and just walked away. So he was in the bed, scrolling on his phone or something, and I'm like, um, so the toilet's clogged.

[00:35:29] Etienne: I think it's something you did in there. 'Cause it wasn't me and I'm gonna go get the, he's like, oh, oh God. Okay. I'm sorry. Do you want me to, where's your plunger? And, my plunger, I keep it in the garage. I don't know if other people do this, but I keep my plunger in the garage in a plastic bag. But I wasn't gonna tell them where to find the freaking plunger. I'm like, well, it's hard to find. I'll go get it. I go all the way downstairs, garage, get it, bring it back. I'm holding it and he's just sitting in the bed, not even looking up from his phone. I'm like, wait, what? Do I have to plunge his shit? Yeah. And 

[00:36:00] Jane: you to do it. 

[00:36:01] Etienne: I guess 'cause I offered to get the plunger, now I gotta use the plunger. So I didn't say that out loud. I just like went, plunged it, everything went down, flushed again, made sure everything's working. Put the plunger back in the garage and he didn't say anything. He didn't say like, oh, thanks for plunging. I'm so sorry. Like, didn't even mention anything about that again. Okay. 

[00:36:22] Jane: Didn't seem mortified.

[00:36:24] Etienne: Was not mortified. And it gets worse from here. So, we were watching, luckily we had to show that we downloaded, that we were watching or about to watch. It was late when it finished, so I didn't have to, usually we would have sex, like, 'cause I'm, you know, got issues. I usually have sex with everybody, like every night, whatever. Whenever you're with me, that's what's gonna happen. Probably. But it ended really late and I kind of got out of it. I'm like, I'm kind of tired and I'm just gonna go to, 'cause I didn't wanna have sex with him after I saw his shit. And I knew it and I needed time to pass and I didn't know if I was gonna be, and I'm a nurse. I know I'm a nurse. I know I've seen so much shit in my life, like from patients. I mean, I worked on the gI floor.

[00:37:03] Heidi: You are not

[00:37:04] Etienne: I'm not having sex with them, none of them. Although a few, there's been like two that I saw over time. I was like, yeah, I do you. But that was it. Like of all the patients, there's been like two, so hundreds of patients. Two, that's how bad it is out there, folks. But anyway, so. Um, so we went to bed. We, the next day we had a full day of things. I had an event I was bringing him to, some kind of party, but it was through my gym. So there was gonna be a whole lot of people there that I knew. They're gonna be meeting him and they might not ever meet him again. And this is embarrassing now 'cause he is already supposed to come and he is coming 'cause I'm going. So it's like, okay, he's coming to the party and I'm gonna have to try to get outta sex with him later somehow.

[00:37:42] Etienne: And like. 'cause I know I'm still can't have sex with him. But that night I go to pee before bed. And guess what I find? I lift up the toilet seat. 

[00:37:53] Etienne: Yeah, and this was Sunday. Okay, so I think, I guess this was Sunday. Sunday. Maybe it wasn't the exact same. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. So instead of it being like mixed together where it looked like it wasn't on purpose, this time it looked on purpose because it was toilet paper that was completely, so it looked like he had rolled or unrolled the toilet paper into the bowl to create a little platform. And on it, he had taken the biggest dump ever. And it was just staged there, and it was just like, no, no toilet paper on top of this either, by the way. It was just like the shit and the, or the, the toilet paper and then the shit on top and no, no toilet paper on top of that. I don't know how that. Did he wipe like, what's happening? I don't know what's happening. So I'm like, this and then I, I flushed it. I should have taken a picture first so I could share with you guys, but I did not, and I flushed And it went right down. So there was no problem with the toilet this time. And it wasn't flushed, obviously, because it flushed right away. So he did not flush. And I go to him and I say, um, so I just found shit in the toilet again. He's like, um, so I forgot to 

[00:39:08] Heidi: believe I'm saying. 

[00:39:09] Etienne: just forgot to flu. I'm like. This is the second time in three days that I've seen your shit. And, um, I don't know. I'm just, I'm feeling kind of uncomfortable about it and he is like, you're a nurse. And I'm like, I know I'm a nurse. And it's, I know that's no excuse.

[00:39:25] Etienne: Like that is not an excuse you can use. I said, you know what? I went my entire marriage never seeing my ex-husband's shit. How is that possible? And this is the, the first weekend that we spent together, and I've seen your shit twice. Like, this is not okay. I don't know if I'm gonna be okay with this. We can't have sex tonight.

[00:39:43] Etienne: I'm, I can't. So, um, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to again, just letting you know. He did stay the night that night, but he left the next morning and, yeah, he text me later in the week, like, oh, can, can I see you this weekend? Ignoring the whole shit situation, obviously. And I was like, yeah, no, I don't think we can, like, I, that I, I still can't, all I can see is your shit in the toilet. Like, I can't get my mind's eye will not let that go. Like it's not letting it go because it felt on purpose. It did not feel accidental 

[00:40:13] Heidi: was totally on purpose. 

[00:40:14] Etienne: With like, you know, the fact that I was able to flush the second one. Yeah. The The, platformed poop. That the staged poop. Yeah. That was, he is like, I can't believe I'm getting dumped over shit in the toilet and or a toilet that wouldn't flush.

[00:40:26] Etienne: And I'm like, that is not what happened here. That is not what happened here. And you said you were not in a scat play, and I'm thinking now you were. So I think that, 

[00:40:35] Heidi: That was his kink said, setting up a poop for you to find,

[00:40:40] Etienne: Yes. 

[00:40:41] Heidi: and he was getting off on the thought of you finding his poop. 

[00:40:43] Etienne: fucking gross. Mm-hmm. 

[00:40:45] Jane: I had heard this story years ago, and my husband, who I've been with for 25 years, and I have still yet his shit. All right. And that includes going through multiple rounds of flu when our daughter was young, never saw it. And he, when you told him, you told both of us a story at the same time. And he called it, he was like this, just like you said, Heidi, he was like, this is a kink. He did it on purpose. He was either trying to like gauge your interest and be like, and it was only gonna escalate, if you were just like, okay with it and like the next thing it was gonna

[00:41:16] Etienne: I know I'm gonna wake up and there's gonna be poop on my.

[00:41:19] Heidi: Yes.

[00:41:20] Jane: It, it was, yeah. And so you good call. Good call. You literally dodged, uh, he got dumped over a dump. Yeah, like it's, you dodged a bullet there.

[00:41:28] Etienne: Christ. I, 

[00:41:29] Heidi: A 

[00:41:29] Etienne: I, 

[00:41:30] Etienne: and it was so sad as I was actually 

[00:41:32] Heidi: She 

[00:41:32] Etienne: if you could take away the slurping off the spoon, the leaving the condiments empty, the heavy foot, and then the poop. If you could take all of that away, I actually really liked him, so I was so sad.

[00:41:46] Jane: But all those things, those what we call deal breakers. Those are deal. 

[00:41:51] Etienne: Their deal. The slurping off the spoon, like I thought that for sure was a dealbreaker. I'm like, how do you

[00:41:55] Heidi: I wouldn't be able to handle that.

[00:41:57] Etienne: What are you doing there? Like, is your food, I don't know. I don't know. Like you just put your mouth around the food like

[00:42:04] Heidi: My sensory issues would not be able to handle that. There's no way. Mm-hmm. 

[00:42:09] Jane: He had things with, like issues with food going in and he obviously

[00:42:12] Etienne: Oh my 

[00:42:13] Jane: about a coming out. So it's like, yeah, 

[00:42:16] Heidi: I had a crush on a guy up until I heard him smacking his food while he ate, and I was like, nope, crush instantly gone.

[00:42:25] Jane: Sometimes there's just 

[00:42:26] Heidi: gone.

[00:42:26] Jane: deal breakers. I would love for in the comments of this episode, if people listening, say what their deal breakers were and just like snapshots of worst dating experiences ever. That would be amazing. We're here for it. Obviously.

[00:42:41] Heidi: We wanna hear. 

[00:42:43] Jane: and just sometimes those stories are entertaining, but we're glad when they're over that we're not living it anymore.

[00:42:49] Etienne: Definitely. 

[00:42:52] Jane: Yes, but we'd love to hear your stories. 

[00:42:54] Heidi: I wanna hear. I'm so curious about these men that we rejected. Like who did 

[00:42:59] Etienne: Oh, God. Yeah. 

[00:43:01] Jane: Oh, that I actually really don't care. I don't care where Larry is right now.

[00:43:05] Heidi: but I mean, like, what kind of crazy meets that

[00:43:08] Etienne: Well, somebody's into scat play or Larry with his like,

[00:43:11] Jane: Yeah. 

[00:43:11] Etienne: even know. Yeah. Oh God, 

[00:43:15] Heidi: Oh yeah. So we wanna hear your stories. Send 'em, send please. 

[00:43:19] Etienne: In the comments, we can read so everybody can share or you can email us. Yes. Which we'll tell you at the end of the episode, what our email is. But yeah, you can just email us privately and we will gladly laugh at them together. That is awesome. We read everything. We're still a very tiny little podcast. We don't even have advertisers yet. So yeah, we read everything and we love any comments you wanna leave us. So we hope to hear from you soon.

[00:43:43] Jane: So we can all commiserate together. It's rough out there.

[00:43:46] Heidi: That's our show you've been listening to the Women are Plotting. If you have a story you'd like to share or have any comments, we'd love to hear from you. Email us at info@thewomenareplotting.com and of course you can find us on all the socials. Thanks, and until next time, be safe and be excellent to each other.