Roommates From Heaven And Hell

What if your roommate hung clown masks in the kitchen, nurtured a mold colony, or secretly read your pay stub? We dive into the relatable world of shared living—where tiny habits tell big truths—and trace the line between quirky and dangerous. 

We start with internet legends—the bean scientist, the salsa collector, the almost-house‑trained dog, and the hidden parrot—then pivot to real life: dorm music wars, blinds killing plants, Air Force bunks where bedtime is not your own, and a basement apartment that becomes a masterclass in boundaries. When perfume levels mysteriously drop, groceries evaporate, and money questions won’t stop, trust breaks. A late‑night confession about sabotaging a car seals it. The escape plan is clinical and necessary: track debts, move utilities, set timelines, and protect your privacy.

Not every story is grim. One roommate match brings daily tea, clean counters, and shared playlists, proving alignment matters more than sameness. We unpack the five pillars that make or break a roommate friendship—cleanliness, noise and guests, food and supplies, money and bills, and privacy and locks. Then we turn to partners: draped clothes at the foot of the bed, sloped ceilings that threaten bookshelves, and a “wait for the pink bill” philosophy that needs a system. Compromise, structure, and humor make it work.

By the end, you’ll have a fresh lens for spotting red flags early—before the clown art hits the common area. If you’ve got a story that tops a hidden parrot or a mold experiment, we want to hear it. Subscribe, share with a friend who’s hunting for a roommate, and leave a review with your best rule for peaceful living. What’s your non‑negotiable?

Email us at info@thewomenareplotting.com, and find us on all the socials. Be safe and be excellent to each other.

Chapters

• 0:00 Don't Send In The Clowns!
• 0:53 Three Horrific Roommates (& They're Not Us!)
• 2:47 Sweet Roommates: Christopher Reeve And Robin Williams
• 5:07 The BEST Part of Microwave Popcorn
• 7:19 It's a Table Scheme, Not a Pyramid Scheme
• 8:10 PDA Pet Peeves
• 10:06 The Roommate Who Sung Theatre Musicals Jane Hated
• 15:13 Heidi's Unwelcoming Roommate
• 17:48 A Perfect Roommate For Jane
• 21:19 Daisy Was Etty's Roommate -- A Veg-ish Living With a Carnivore
• 24:25 When Suitemates Organically Mesh
• 24:57 Jane Had Been Warned About a New Roommate, But Didn't Listen
• 39:51 Study Abroad With Regina: Jekyll And Hyde
• 42:51 With Roommates, Your Crazy Has To Mesh With My Crazy
• 44:23 Live With Someone BEFORE You Marry Them
• 44:52 Jane Was Her Husband's First Post-College Roommate
• 47:35 The Dog Hair Tumbleweed House

Transcript

[00:00:00] Jane: So fast forward to like, we're living together in a basement apartment. I had a couple of rules, one of which was no clowns in the common area. 'Cause we had a kitchen that we shared in the bathroom 

[00:00:08] Etienne: Did you say clowns. 

[00:00:09] Jane: Clowns. No clowns, because this girl had like a collection of weird harlequin clown masks and other clown shit. So I went to work and when I came back she had started putting her stuff around and there's fucking clown stuff everywhere. And I was just like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no clowns. And she goes, I thought you were just kidding. I'm like, no, no, no clowns. I hate clowns. I find 'em really scary.

[00:00:30] Jane: So you put all that shit in your room, please. So that was flag number one. 

[00:00:34] Etienne: Welcome listeners. This is The Women Are Plotting. I'm Etienne Rose Olivier and I'm here with my friends and co-hosts, Heidi Willis and Jane Gari.

[00:00:49] Etienne: On today's episode, we're gonna be talking about roommates. 

[00:00:57] Etienne: And my fun facts, these aren't really fun facts. I did a Google search of roommate horror stories and I wanna tell the ones that I think will make Jane the most horrified.

[00:01:04] Etienne: So there's one called The Bean Scientist. A roommate left beans in the fridge until they grew a new white, moldy life form. The roommate then got mad when they were thrown out, claiming they were going to use it later. Then, wait, there's more, because I have a couple of them. The next one's called the Salsa Collector. A roommate refused to finish jars of salsa and instead opened seven new ones, leaving multiple half open containers in the fridge at once. Oh my God. And I have a couple more, 'cause they're so good. This one's called the dog who's almost trained.

[00:01:42] Etienne: A roommate claimed their dog was house trained, but in reality, the dog used puppy pads and pooped next to the toilet almost in the right place. And then the, the last one, I

[00:01:56] Heidi: Oh my God.

[00:01:56] Etienne: they're just so funny. The surprise parrot and kitten, a college student was surprised to discover their roommate Shelby had not just a kitten, but also a parrot hid away in her room. I

[00:02:10] Jane: Oh. What?

[00:02:12] Etienne: I dunno. How is that, I mean, that's a cage, right? How are you hiding that? That's a big, yeah. And the kitten, you're not gonna smell the kitten like, like the litter box?

[00:02:22] Heidi: Yeah.

[00:02:23] Jane: wow,

[00:02:24] Etienne: I was going to use that. What the, what were you gonna do with that? Seriously?

[00:02:28] Jane: That's so gross. For what to eat. That's nasty.

[00:02:33] Heidi: That's really gross.

[00:02:34] Etienne: Oh my gosh.

[00:02:35] Heidi: Hmm.

[00:02:37] Etienne: Oh.

[00:02:38] Heidi: Well, mine is not about, it's actually kind of lovely. So I looked for, like famous or historical roommates.

[00:02:47] Heidi: And did you know that Christopher Reeve and Robin Williams were roommates when they were at Julliard and they were like best friends. Oh, it's so sweet.

[00:02:58] Heidi: So I was gonna read a little bit from, so Reeve recounted his initial meeting in his autobiography, Still Me. So the first person I met at Julliard was the other advanced student, a short, stocky, long-haired fellow from Marin County, California, who wore tie dyed shirts and tracksuit bottoms and talked a mile a minute, wrote Reeve.

[00:03:20] Heidi: I've never seen so much energy contained in one person. He was like an untied balloon that had been inflated and immediately released. I watched in awe as he virtually groomed off the walls of the classrooms and hallways. To say that he was on would be a major understatement. There was never a moment when he wasn't doing voices imitating teachers and making our faces ache from laughing at his antics.

[00:03:46] Heidi: His name of course, was Robin Williams. I just love that. And then another thing is, I guess he was one of the first ones to visit him in the hospital after his accident. So like going there to make him laugh and, yeah. so

[00:04:00] Etienne: That is a sweet roommate.

[00:04:02] Heidi: roommate.

[00:04:04] Jane: I am seriously about to cry. It is like, so Gen X, like situ, because

[00:04:07] Heidi: I love both those men.

[00:04:09] Jane: of them. Like I Mork and Mindy poster on my, wall, and I also just wanted to marry Christopher Reeve. Robin Williams was gonna just be like my friend. But maybe with benefits. I had a little crush on him, like as Mork, but then like Christopher Reeves, as Superman, I was just like, oh no, I'm marrying him. And, Brendon has a similar look. So I guess like

[00:04:28] Heidi: Yeah.

[00:04:29] Jane: have a type. And his type was actually, his crush, was the female lead from Indiana 

[00:04:35] Etienne: yes.

[00:04:36] Jane: Who has like hazel eyes and black hair and

[00:04:39] Etienne: know who you're talking about and I

[00:04:40] Jane: and freckles, and so do I. And I'm like,

[00:04:42] Etienne: I'll look it up.

[00:04:43] Jane: He was just like, yeah, you kind of look like her. And I wanted to marry her when I was little and I'm like, oh my God, I wanted to marry Christopher Reeve. And you kind of look like him, but just

[00:04:51] Etienne: Oh, Karen Allen.

[00:04:53] Jane: So my, yes, Karen Allen.

[00:04:56] Heidi: Yeah.

[00:04:56] Jane: Yeah, he said that he thought that she was just beautiful and really funny and I was just like, oh, okay. I'm like, I'll take it. But, uh, yeah. So yes, that he is my roommate. 

[00:05:07] Jane: But my fun fact is not about him, but is about, I looked up the weirdest things that roommates had reportedly done. And I found like this awesome old Buzzfeed list and I'm not gonna read all of them, I'm just gonna read the one that for some reason I thought was just weird 'cause it was just so random. And this was specifically a collection of the strangest things that people have come home early and caught their roommate doing like they were in the middle of doing just something weird. And since one of my stories is about something I caught one of my roommates doing, I thought that this was an appropriate thing. And so this person said, my roommate in college, I walked in and they had made a bag of microwave popcorn and as soon as they were done eating the popcorn, then they just proceeded to eat the entire bag. Like the

[00:05:53] Etienne: No, the microwave popcorn bag.

[00:05:56] Jane: The bag, the paper bag that it comes with, it probably has some kind of plastic film on the inside. They just ate it. Like just ate the whole bag.

[00:06:04] Heidi: Plus the microwaveable part, like the part that heats up like that. That can't be

[00:06:08] Etienne: You're eating

[00:06:09] Jane: No, absolutely not. A hundred percent. And they were just like, no, this is like the best

[00:06:14] Etienne: What?

[00:06:14] Jane: I love this part. What the Yeah, I just thought that that was

[00:06:18] Heidi: They had pica definitely.

[00:06:20] Jane: Oh yeah.

[00:06:22] Heidi: That's wild.

[00:06:23] Jane: There was one other that I thought that was really funny with, so this person had a roommate who was part of a pyramid scheme, and it was one of those pyramid schemes where you bought a bunch of the stuff and he just had all of these shitty energy drinks and protein shakes and in bulk that they needed to get rid of.

[00:06:39] Jane: And so he would hear his roommate in the other room just talking out loud, and he's lifting weights. He could hear him lifting weights. And he knew that where he was positioned in his room, he had a mirror in there that he would lift weights to check his form. And he was lifting weights, looking in the mirror, shouting, because he's also listening to amped music. And as he's lifting weights, he's shouting, I'm not a loser. I will sell these products. I will be rich, I will succeed. And just

[00:07:06] Etienne: Oh no.

[00:07:07] Jane: over and over again and I'm

[00:07:09] Etienne: that's so

[00:07:10] Jane: anyway.

[00:07:12] Heidi: I'm not a

[00:07:19] Jane: Oh my, that's so weird. And I don't know, it did remind me of like, when my cousin, who also was my roommate for a couple of years, she got into some different pyramid schemes and I remember her trying to get me in on them and telling me that they were not a pyramid schemes. But then I said, well, can you draw me a picture of like, kinda how this works though?

[00:07:38] Jane: And when she was drawing me a picture and I was just like, now look at what you just drew. What shape is that? And she just, and

[00:07:45] Etienne: a triangle. A pyramid. It's a.

[00:07:48] Jane: she just, well, she did, she goes, it's a table and it has legs. And I'm like, that are shaped like a pyramid. And then she just left the room and I was like, I'm not doing it. I'm not enlisting myself in this pyramid scheme. She's just like, no. It's like you

[00:08:01] Etienne: Oh,

[00:08:01] Jane: a table and you have legs. I'm like. Still a pyramid.

[00:08:06] Etienne: So good. Oh my God.

[00:08:08] Heidi: Oh my God.

[00:08:09] Jane: Okay.

[00:08:10] Etienne: I'll talk about a roommate. I think I had my first roommate when I was like 17 or eight? No, no, no. I was already driving and I didn't get my license until I was 18, so I had to be 18. Had my first roommate who was a coworker at a department store and we both worked at the cosmetics counter Lancome.

[00:08:27] Etienne: And, I loved having her as a roommate until my mom poisoned me against her and then we kicked her out. But yeah, she was, I mean we, we had the same level of how we liked the house cleaned, like there wasn't just stuff lying around. We had respect for each other. It was pretty cool. But I do remember that this was before I remember she got a boyfriend and I didn't have a boyfriend at the time. And 'cause I was just in and out of boyfriend slash sex partners, whatever I was doing, 'cause I was just starting to have sex. And I remember they used to kiss really loudly. And it just made me so mad for some reason. Yes. Like, no, they were just

[00:09:04] Jane: far away

[00:09:05] Etienne: of me. Like just doing like, I'm like, Jesus, God, why is it so loud? They weren't making out tonguing right in front of me, but the kisses like, oh, like the full on. I never wanted to do that with my partner. So I don't think I've ever really, except for my dog, who I make very loud sounds with when I kiss him. Not all the time, but sometimes, and he seems to like it, so I do that for him. But I, I've, I've never been a loud, like, obnoxious ish, like kisser with my boyfriends or my husband because of that situation. It just made me so mad. I think it's because I didn't have anybody, but then it imprinted on me and it like made this like problem with loud kissing.

[00:09:49] Jane: But in your presence. I think it's weird, like to be, it almost feels like, is this performative? Are you guys really kissing that loudly when you're alone?

[00:09:57] Etienne: Just go away. Just go kiss somewhere else. Go outside, go smoke, go kiss outside. No.

[00:10:03] Jane: No, outside.

[00:10:05] Etienne: Oh, man.

[00:10:06] Jane: My first roommate was at a college program. I went to high school in Georgia and they had this thing called the Governor's Honors Program, where certain smart kids got chosen in different categories, it was like a competition. And then if you won, and there was like all these interviews and screening that they did.

[00:10:22] Jane: And then at the end of the screening, there were basically 600 kids from around the state just plopped onto a college campus of Valdosta State College near the Georgia, Florida line. And you had a major and a minor. My major was English. And then, you could explore any minor that you wanted.

[00:10:37] Jane: And my minor was theater and you had a roommate because you were in the dorms. And you were supposed to have a roommate who had a different major than you so that you wouldn't see them all day and get annoyed. But that's not what happened to me. So my roommate was also an English major, but I just made sure that we just were, I was like, you gotta put me in a different group. Because from the jump, I was just like, this chick is annoying. And I was really afraid that she was also gonna pick theater as her minor, because she loved musical theater. But I was like, yeah, but that's not the kind of theater that the theater minors did. It was like more serious theater.

[00:11:11] Jane: Yeah. With a little bit of like comedic stuff. We experimented with a lot of different stuff, but we were not doing a musical thing. But she made friends with the musical theater kids and they would just be singing in two part harmony all the

[00:11:24] Etienne: in your, where you were living. She

[00:11:26] Jane: I'm like, oh my God. Make it stop.

[00:11:27] Etienne: uh,

[00:11:28] Jane: Yes. And so I would just

[00:11:30] Etienne: way worse than loud.

[00:11:31] Jane: like sing elsewhere. Yeah. I was just like, stop with the song. And it wasn't like I, there are

[00:11:36] Heidi: it's like glee, glee was going on

[00:11:39] Jane: Yes. In my face against my will, against my will. I was like, please. And they had good voices, but it's the kind of voices like that I

[00:11:47] Etienne: fake with the fake theater voice

[00:11:49] Jane: what I mean? Like those theatric musical. Yes. And they weren't singing from the musicals that I liked, 'cause I'm a snob about musicals that I like. I like my favorite musical of all time is hands down West Side Story. And then Jesus Christ Superstar. And I like Gods Spell. I like My Fair Lady. There's just really not many that I like. And she was just singing songs from Oklahoma and like freaking just,

[00:12:14] Heidi: cats.

[00:12:15] Jane: Uh, yeah. And, um, anyway, they all sucked. This is just, so I, and I was, and, and then she, she killed my plant that I brought with me and like, she killed it like on day two by, I had it on the window sill. And there were these really heavy blinds. I'm like, we're just gonna leave the blinds just above where the plan. And it was a little plant, so it's just gonna be like a couple inches above that. But then she was just like, well, and even more sunlight in. And then when she put the blind blinds down, it just crash landed on my plant.

[00:12:46] Jane: And she was just like, oopsie, you know? And then she just was using, I brought a stereo and she didn't. And I was like, well, if you didn't have the foresight to bring a stereo, then um, 

[00:12:56] Etienne: Oops. Oh 

[00:12:56] Jane: I get, oops, I'm listening to my music. No, no, no. She didn't bring a stereo, but she somehow got her hands on all these cassette tapes that had, guess 

[00:13:04] Etienne: Show 

[00:13:05] Jane: Songs for music. Oh my

[00:13:06] Heidi: Oh no.

[00:13:08] Jane: I just said, I think that these tapes are gonna accidentally get eaten by my, I I didn't do 

[00:13:14] Etienne: accidentally drop the blinds on them. Like, except it's 

[00:13:16] Jane: Well, no, I was gonna, I was gonna, it was the eighties, for listeners who don't know what a cassette tape is, I was gonna pull it out. I had fantasies

[00:13:24] Heidi: Yeah. And say it ate it.

[00:13:25] Jane: And pretending like, oh, my stereo ate your 

[00:13:28] Etienne: Yeah, because that did happen. That happened to lots of people.

[00:13:30] Heidi: Uhhuh.

[00:13:31] Jane: Yeah. And um, I, I, I, didn't, 'cause I'm not mean, but I just said, if you could just listen to that when I'm not here, that would be awesome. The only vindictive thing I did is that I figured out that she didn't like some of the darker new wave stuff that I like.

[00:13:45] Jane: So I was like, I guess we're gonna just listen to The Cure when you're here and maybe the Smiths and maybe Echo and the Bunnymen, just pretty much anything you don't like. Because I could tell by her face, she doesn't like this. And this was before everybody had headphones on Bluetooth and that kind of stuff. If you're listening to the stereo in the room, like everybody's listening to the stereo in the room, but whatever, she was a nut job, um, with musical tunes and just overly cheery. And I'm like, are you sure you're an English major? Like, because you just don't seem, I dunno, maybe I was just a little dark. We weren't compatible. 

[00:14:17] Etienne: I mean, I remember I did theater in high school, I mean, I was part of the theater group and I was part of the musicals, unfortunately, because I was a cheerleader, so I couldn't do the dramas in the fall. So I could only do the musicals in the spring. But the theater people in general would be the ones that were alternative. They would wear dark clothes, they would listen to The Smiths, like they were super cool. And she does not sound like that.

[00:14:38] Jane: No. And at my high school it was like that with the straight plays we did in the fall and in the musicals in the spring. 

[00:14:44] Etienne: with you. Oh 

[00:14:45] Jane: It was kind of like a mixed bag. It was a mixed bag. 'cause I did do my Fair Lady. And then I didn't do any of the other musicals. I did have friends who did. And so what I would do is I would do the backstage stuff just so I could hang out and be part of the scene without actually having to subject myself to learning all the music and stuff like that. And I could go to the cast parties and hang out with my friends without doing the musical stuff that I don't like.

[00:15:13] Heidi: It's wild. I guess we all had our first roommates were all terrible 'cause mine was also equally terrible. I'm assuming you guys moved in at the same time, with your roommates? I did not. So my first roommate was in the Air Force and I get to my first duty station and I get this bitch, her name is Kim, I remember her distinctly. So I moved into her room. 

[00:15:38] Etienne: oh 

[00:15:40] Heidi: She was already living there and she had it all set up and I felt like a guest the whole time. Like, she had already had a TV and I had to really negotiate, just living there. And so I was thinking about it, I'm like, oh man, was that the reason why I went so quickly with Nick my, 

[00:15:59] Etienne: First 

[00:16:00] Heidi: dating him right away and then got married and

[00:16:03] Etienne: because you had such a bad roommate, you need to get 

[00:16:05] Heidi: because I, yeah, I needed to get out 'cause she was

[00:16:07] Etienne: and there's no way you can request like, Hey, can I be switched or assigned to somebody else? I don't know. I mean, I know that the military is very, you know, here, this is yours, or you do this. You can't like say anything, but Yeah. 

[00:16:20] Heidi: I think because I was so fresh and new, I was so nervous about, I didn't wanna make anybody mad and, just trying to toe the line, but yeah, she just, so I was on the top bunk and really I had to go to bed when she went to bed. It was just, it was wild.

[00:16:35] Heidi: I felt like a prisoner half the time and I would be so excited when I would get home and she wouldn't be there. And I'd get to watch a show real quick.

[00:16:43] Etienne: Oh.

[00:16:44] Heidi: Yeah, yeah 

[00:16:45] Etienne: she come back while you're watching something and go, okay, so my shit's on in like five 

[00:16:50] Heidi: Yeah, yeah. She was not cool with sharing anything, even though if I get a tv, where am I gonna put it? You know, 

[00:16:56] Etienne: Yeah.

[00:16:57] Heidi: Cause it's a tiny little room and, 

[00:16:59] Etienne: can't really

[00:16:59] Jane: long was she there before you arrived? 

[00:17:01] Etienne: Mm-hmm. Good 

[00:17:03] Jane: For that sense of ownership to be so deeply entrenched? That sounds.

[00:17:06] Heidi: I am not sure. I think she was the same rank, I don't know, maybe half a year, a year.

[00:17:12] Jane: Oh 

[00:17:13] Etienne: Oh that's a long time. 

[00:17:13] Jane: okay. That is a long time. And she didn't have another roommate before you.

[00:17:16] Heidi: I'm not sure. I can't remember. I just remember I was just so uncomfortable being in that room because it was her room and I was just like a guest, but I'm assigned to it, so I'm like, well,

[00:17:28] Etienne: That's really hard. Yeah, I probably would've felt the same way. 'Cause I'm not one for confrontation too much, because once you start having the confrontations, it just feels like it's always there. There's this unspoken tension. Then if you didn't really work it out properly.

[00:17:42] Jane: Especially when your roommate like actually sharing one 

[00:17:45] Etienne: Yeah. Like that's really, yeah. 

[00:17:48] Jane: That's close quarters. My first time sharing like a room and then I did a year at a university in England and I was supposed to have my own room and specifically, and that was just how the exchange program worked, that it was a part of like you paid as if you had a single room ' cause you were going to have a single room. And then I got there and they were like, we're so sorry we were outta single rooms. So not only are you not gonna be on campus, you're gonna be an off-campus housing with a roommate. And I was 

[00:18:14] Etienne: Oh God. 

[00:18:15] Jane: but that is not what this program was supposed to be. And, the way that the tuition was working, I've already paid for a single room. And they're like, we know that. So to make up for it, we're going to actually give you a stipend every week for the whole year that you're here. So I got like 26 pounds a week. So they didn't gimme a lump sum, they just gave me 26 pounds a week as like reimbursement for like what the the room was gonna

[00:18:36] Heidi: That's such crap.

[00:18:37] Jane: And that's how I felt initially. And then I met my roommate, whose name is Alex, and she was amazing. So she, so I was there for a week before she was, 'cause I was an exchange student, so she was actually from England. She lived in Oxfordshire. And so she walks into the room and immediately she was just like, oh my God, I love The Beatles.

[00:18:56] Jane: She's like, we have the same, I brought the same poster. And I was like, oh my God. Yes. So she was a vegetarian and she loved tea obviously, 'cause she was British, but she brought her own little tea kettle for our room. And so we had like a little tea station in our room and our color schemes went together, our posters went together and she had like an awesome stereo. And I had brought a dual cassette recorder, like boombox kind of thing. And she was like, oh, if you go home at Christmas, you could take that home and we could just share a stereo. And we had so many of the same tapes and CDs that at Christmas I brought half my stuff home. 'Cause we both loved the same stuff, the same music. She was also a neat freak. And it was just phenomenal. And she was a beautiful, beautiful human being. And I still am in touch with her to this day. 

[00:19:42] Etienne: Oh, that's 

[00:19:43] Jane: yeah. So, I mean, it couldn't have worked out better, so there's the upside of that too.

[00:19:47] Jane: And we shared a room, like the only thing that I felt terrible about is that sometimes I would snore. And so she just got earplugs and then that solved the problem. And she was, she wasn't even mad about it. She was just like, oh, sometimes you snore. It's kind of cute, but also I think I need some earplugs. And I was like, okay. So, it could go either way, but it was because we had the same sense of, not, you have to be exactly. We were very different in a lot of ways also. But the music thing was important to both of us. And The Beatles were both of our favorite bands. So we didn't have any issue with like, yes, let's plaster these walls with everything. Beatles, Beatles, Beatles all the time. And she also loved The Cure. And she also loved Depeche Mode. And she also loved Aphex Twin and Siouxsie and the Banshees. Seriously, we didn't have a single thing like music wise. So, if she was listening to music before I came home and now I'm home, now we're both just like, eh, okay, let's do this.

[00:20:37] Jane: And like having dance parties in the room and I was a pothead and she wasn't, but she didn't care. It was like, she was not judgy about it at all. She thought it was hilarious. That I would sometimes come home high and she could tell and she would just kind of mess with me. But in a very loving way. And we just watched out for each other and it was lovely. So,

[00:20:54] Etienne: so cool. Does she still live in England?

[00:20:56] Jane: Yes. And she married the boyfriend she had then. Um, 

[00:21:01] Etienne: my gosh. 

[00:21:01] Jane: have, yeah, they have three kids and she still lives in Oxfordshire and she's a lovely human being. 

[00:21:05] Etienne: You just sent her a message with our podcast.

[00:21:09] Jane: I know. It would just be like, best roommate ever. Yeah. She really was.

[00:21:14] Etienne: sweet. Oh. 

[00:21:16] Heidi: Did you have any really good roommates? Etienne 

[00:21:19] Etienne: Oh, Daisy was my roommate. We talked to Daisy in the last episode and she was a really good roommate. When she first moved in with me, 'cause I actually convinced her to move in with me, this was after my husband left me and I was alone in the house and I was like, this house is just me and my two dogs and it's too lonely and it's too big and I need somebody in here with me. Not that I needed somebody financially, but I just wanted somebody in there with me.

[00:21:43] Etienne: And I met her six months after my ex left me and, it was actually at a party she was going to because she was friends with my ex. She became friends with him after we'd split up and so yeah, we met up and then we met up a few times out after that time, the first time we met and I started convincing her like, you need to move in with me. It would be so much cheaper for you and you could have this, this, look at this room, it's giant, and look at your view. And it's just like totally heavy, heavy armed her into moving into this house. 

[00:22:15] Jane: You sold 

[00:22:15] Etienne: I sold it. And, the only bad part really was that, so when we first met and she first moved in, I was ate everything. I was an omnivore. I didn't care meat, red meat. I ate baen bacon every weekend, like every Sunday or whatever it was. I, yeah, I ate everything. And when the pandemic started, or a year into the pandemic starting, I became almost practically vegan, which I'm almost practically vegan now too.

[00:22:41] Etienne: But I will eat dairy sometimes and some fish sometimes. So again, I'm like veg-ish or something. I don't know what I am. But, uh, they had to come up with a new like distinction for what I do with my life with food. But, it wasn't long after that where I became almost vegan that she became almost an entire eat meat eater only. And so, yeah, so it was really hard living in a house where you smelled meat every day when you had cut meat out of your life, you know? So that was like the main hard part for sure. And she had a dog too. So her dog got along with my dogs, actually my, my oldest dog who's no longer with me, she became the alpha dog even to her dog. And my little dog was 20 pounds. And her dog, I think he is like 50 pounds or just 

[00:23:24] Jane: oh my 

[00:23:25] Etienne: And my dog scared the crap outta him. He was like, until she got too old. And then I saw that it kinda stopped being that way. And then my second dog kind of became the Alpha then too, and she started doing the same thing to her dog. So 

[00:23:38] Jane: Oh my 

[00:23:39] Etienne: oh my goodness, this poor dog. He couldn't get a break anywhere. 

[00:23:44] Jane: And those dogs. Your dogs were so little. 

[00:23:46] Etienne: They were, so, my Boston Terrier was only 15 pounds or 16? 15, 16 pounds. Yeah. She would, she would like, ugh. You know, she would just like, don't mess with her, like, she's gonna get you if you so 

[00:23:58] Heidi: Hmm.

[00:24:00] Jane: this is my house. 

[00:24:01] Etienne: Lived with me for years until she moved to Iowa. Yeah. So we might've ended up being golden girls one day if she had never left for Iowa. Yeah.

[00:24:09] Jane: Still happen one day. Life is long.

[00:24:11] Etienne: I know. Like we could all just move to some other place and we could all live together except, you 

[00:24:17] Jane: a big house. 

[00:24:19] Etienne: We'd have to get a really big house.

[00:24:22] Heidi: Yes. Yeah. Plenty of room to spread out.

[00:24:25] Jane: I think that's key. 'cause I think we would all have like good sensibilities about organizational things. And like, I think the cleanliness thing is key. My daughter's in college right now and she's actually having a really good experience with Suitemates. She has her own individual room that's very small and the suitemates all get along because they all take turns cleaning things. They take turns, one of them cooks, but then my daughter is big on vacuuming. And then if she sees something in the sink, she just cleans it. And so they kind of have this division of labor that they never had to explicitly state. It happened organically. So I think that they'll probably try to stay together, 

[00:24:55] Etienne: that's awesome. 

[00:24:56] Jane: but

[00:24:57] Heidi: Oh, that's good.

[00:24:57] Jane: It does not always work out that way. But I mean, so my roommate from hell story of being an adult and not being in college, like I was outta college. So my first apartment was a basement apartment in New York. And so it was very small and it was a one bedroom apartment, and I needed to move out of, I was living with my aunt and uncle while I was finishing my undergraduate degree.

[00:25:19] Jane: And, it was just like a lot. I didn't wanna live with them anymore. I felt like I was, they had five kids. I was like, I gotta get outta here. I'm like, 20, I'm 22. I'm like, that's enough now, whereas 21. And so we could afford this basement apartment for $700 a month. So it was just 350. And then we just decided that she could have the living room area and I would have the bedroom area.

[00:25:41] Jane: And when we would just kind of set up this kind of makeshift partition, I had like a room partition that was like a Japanese screen. And then we had this laundry line with like, all these felt curtain things that we put up. It was very much young people living in New York and trying to make it work type of thing.

[00:25:58] Jane: But that was a bigger room for her. And then the kicker was that then I just let her use, there were two big closets in my room and I let her use one of the closets just for storage that she didn't need all the time. So she wasn't going in and outta my room. And then she just had a freestanding wardrobe in her room for like, daily stuff and we're like, okay, this is gonna work.

[00:26:17] Jane: And we had met through a mutual friend and her name was Melissa. I won't say her last name to protect her, but, she had an enormous head, um, like. Literally and figuratively. But we had hung out a bunch of times with a mutual friend that we both actually broke up with as a friend for the same reason.

[00:26:35] Jane: So we were kind of bonding over that. Because they had been roommates and the, our mutual friend Tanya was a terrible roommate in terms of cleanliness. Like she would leave food everywhere, like to the point where things were growing. Um, she was perpetually late with everything, payments, appointments, whatever, heart of gold, but really just kind of like a mess of a human being.

[00:26:58] Jane: So to live in the same space with somebody like that, I would be like really trying. I broke up with her as a friend because the constant lateness was just really disrespectful to me. When I say constant, I mean like every time we would hang out for a couple of years and I was like, you know what? I'm done with this in my life. My time means something. And you're lying about why you're late. And we had tickets to something like, I can't walk into an event. Like, you know, like, but it was perpetual. So we were both like, Melissa and I were like bonding over like, yeah, that's really rude.

[00:27:25] Jane: And then the whole cleanliness thing and we were talking about like how we like to live and we're like, we should be roommates, because we were both needing a new place. So I had found out that Tanya, my crazy new roommates ex-roommate and our mutual friend had her gas tank destroyed because somebody had put sugar in it. 

[00:27:42] Etienne: Oh no.

[00:27:43] Jane: And Tanya was convinced that Melissa had done this to her gas tank, and I'm like, Melissa, I don't think would do anything like that. She goes, listen, she goes, I know that you don't wanna be friends anymore and that you're gonna move in with her, but I'm telling you she's vindictive and I know that she put sugar in my gas tank and destroyed my car, like destroyed her car. 

[00:27:59] Etienne: Yeah. I mean, I've, I've heard that before about sugar. Yeah. I mean, that's like, yeah.

[00:28:03] Jane: And Tanya was like, she did it because she's resentful that I have money and she doesn't. And Tanya came from a very wealthy family and she was a trust fund baby, and she had a monthly stipend that she got from her father's estate 'cause her father died of a heart attack on her 13th birthday and it was horrific. Um, and she's like, and Melissa always resented that I had money, but Melissa, and I'd rather have my father than have this money. It's like, so, so she's like, she's a raging bitch and she seems like she's nice, so just be careful.

[00:28:30] Jane: So Tanya was trying, she goes, I know you don't wanna be friends with me anymore, and I know you think I'm disrespectful and I own that. I have to hand at the time she was just like, I own that, but I'm trying to give you a warning.

[00:28:39] Etienne: Oh God. 

[00:28:39] Jane: This girl is crazy. But I was just like, but I really thought, I was just like, Tanya's just saying that because like, whatever, it was an unfortunate confluence of events, but I went to Melissa before we moved in I was just like, listen man. I was like, Tanya's convinced that you ruined her car. And, if we're about to sign this lease together, I'm like, I'm just asking you. We're in person. I'm looking right at Melissa. And I was just like, I could never live with somebody who would be that vindictive.

[00:29:01] Jane: Even if you thought that the person deserved it for whatever reason. Because I know that you guys had a lot of issues as roommates, but that's really fucked up. I cannot live with you if you did this to her. And I was like, you have to swear to me. She looked me right in the eye without flinching and said, I swear to God I did not. And I was just like, okay. 

[00:29:17] Etienne: no. 

[00:29:18] Jane: Yeah. So fast forward to like, we're living together in a basement apartment. I had a couple of rules, one of which was no clowns in the common area. 'Cause we had a kitchen that we shared in the bathroom 

[00:29:27] Etienne: Did you say clowns. 

[00:29:28] Jane: Clowns. No clowns, because this girl had like a collection of weird harlequin clown masks and other clown shit. So I went to work and when I came back she had started putting her stuff around and there's fucking clown stuff everywhere. And I was just like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no clowns. And she goes, I thought you were just kidding. I'm like, no, no, no clowns. I hate clowns. I find 'em really scary.

[00:29:49] Jane: So you put all that shit in your room, please. So that was flag number one. Then we were both struggling financially, whatever. That's why we're living in this basement apartment together, you know? But she was like, I guess struggling more than, or thought she was struggling more than I was. 'Cause she was constantly talking about how she didn't have any money and then I was struggling too. But, this was a point of contention for her. Like if someone has more money than she does, she's immediately, like Tanya was right, like turns into a raging lunatic. So my father gave me some nice perfume for Christmas, and I didn't buy it myself. This was a gift. And I'm not using perfume regularly, and I'm immediately noticing the level going down and it's perfume and I'm not using it. And she's smelling like it. And I was like, are you using my, it was Aqua De Gio 

[00:30:30] Etienne: Oh, that's my, one of my favorites. 

[00:30:32] Jane: I love it too, but I was like, have you been using it? She's like, no. She's like lying to my face. I'm like, but it smells like it. What the fuck? Like it. And so there was that, and then there was like other weird things, like I would come home and then my clothes in my closet would be slightly askew and they would smell like her. 

[00:30:49] Etienne: Oh no. 

[00:30:51] Jane: But, like her perfume or her shampoo, you know? And then, I would notice that she was very big on like we buy stuff separately. Our groceries are separate, our toiletries are separate. She's like, because I buy budget brands and she just wanted to keep everything separate.

[00:31:05] Jane: And I was like, that's fine, because I don't eat meat. I've been a vegetarian since 1987. I'm like, I don't wanna be splitting groceries. And I ate very differently from her. And, that was fine. But then I noticed there wouldn't be any of her food for a while. And then, my stuff would be going down and down and down and then my conditioner would all of a sudden just be like, water coming out. Just all that kind of stuff. And then she would just deny it. And I said, okay, okay. And then we, sometimes we'd have fun, and so one night we got high together after I made us both dinner. 'cause I would cook something and she would be like, that smells really good. And she, I'm so hungry. And I'd be like, would you like some, that kind of thing. I'm gonna, you know, and then she would, so I we're sitting there eating and of course, and then she's smoking my weed. 'cause my boyfriend at the time grew weed, so I always had weed. So we're smoking.

[00:31:47] Jane: At this point we've lived together for a couple of months, maybe several months, like six months. And she was just like, I have a confession.

[00:31:53] Etienne: Oh God, I don't wanna know.

[00:31:55] Jane: She's like, she's like, I put the sugar in Tanya's gas tank.

[00:32:00] Etienne: Oh my God. I can't believe she 

[00:32:01] Jane: I was just 

[00:32:02] Etienne: This was when she was high. She, she confessed when she was high. Oh no. 

[00:32:05] Jane: And I was like, you've gotta be shitting me. And so I have to live with this girl. So I didn't blow up. I made a very calculated decision 

[00:32:13] Etienne: Oh God. 

[00:32:14] Jane: of, I'm getting outta here 'cause it was only month-to-month lease. And I was just like, thank you for being honest with me. I really appreciate it. But in the back of my head I was like, I gotta get away from this bitch as soon as 

[00:32:23] Etienne: psycho. 

[00:32:25] Jane: Yeah. So I landed a full

[00:32:27] Heidi: You're like, oh, Tanya was right.

[00:32:29] Jane: Tanya was right. I actually wrote to her and I was just like, thank you. You were right. I still don't wanna be friends with you e either anymore. But now I don't wanna be friends with Alyssa either. I need to just expunge crazy bitches for my life and starting with, 'cause she was a little nuts too.

[00:32:41] Jane: Like, that's a whole other story, but different brand. And now I'm living with this and I was like, I gotta get outta here. So I had gotten a full-time teaching job and immediately Melissa's just like, how much money are you making now? And I was just like. I don't really feel comfortable talking about this. And I was just like, enough, you know, but she owed me money 'cause there were a couple times where she was late on rent and I fronted a little bit. Then she couldn't pay the cable bill and I think water. 'Cause we had a separate water meter than the house like above us. 'Cause there were at least two bills that were in my name. So, I didn't wanna be late on it 'cause she didn't have her half. So then she started adding it. 'Cause I put how much she owed me on the refrigerator. And then when she couldn't make, she started adding stuff to it, like a running tab with me. And I was like. I'm not your credit card. Like what the fuck is happening here? You know? So anyway, it turned into a big thing and then she got a tax return back. And she had bought a television and a VCR like brand new for her room. And I just said, you owe me $600. And I was just like, and I don't think that it's right that you owe me this money and that you just bought these new things that are extraneous stuff that you don't need. I think that you should pay me back first before you buy that kind of stuff of like, it's not like it was like a car repair or something that was necessary. 'Cause she was just like, I'm gonna treat myself, blah, blah, blah. I was like, you owe me $600. When you're 21 and someone owes you $600. Like that was gonna make or break me the next month. Right. I didn't have any

[00:34:11] Etienne: I mean, that's almost two months worth of rent for you. Like, because you said it was three 50 per month for each person, like Jesus.

[00:34:18] Jane: So she started crying and she was like, what do you want me to do? Return it and pay you back right now? And I was like, yeah, that's exactly what I want you to do. So she did it and then still owed me a little bit. And, she was paying me begrudgingly. And then, kept asking me how much money I made. And so I came home earlier than usual one day because I was sick as a dog and had to leave work early. Because I was teaching, but they were just like, we're gonna get a sub to cover your last classes because you're obviously ill.

[00:34:42] Jane: And so I walk into my room and she's in my room, she's in my room, in my desk holding my pay stub. And she was just like, you're home early. And I said, what are you doing in my room? And she goes, you wouldn't tell me, so I had to look. And she was just like, it's like you won the freaking lottery. Okay, first of all, a teacher salary. It's not 

[00:35:01] Etienne: no, not winning the lottery.

[00:35:03] Jane: No. But I understood to her, I was making like steady money and she was just like, this is ridiculous, you know? She was mad at me and I said, get out of my room and get out of my desk and put my pay stub down. And she was just like, fine.

[00:35:17] Jane: Right. So she goes back to her room. And I immediately, the next time she was out of the house, and I'm not saying this was the right thing to do, but I had to protect myself. I'm like, I'm getting out of here immediately and she could just deal with living here by herself. So I then secured a lease and that kind of stuff.

[00:35:32] Jane: And before I told her I was definitely moving out. I went into her room when she wasn't home and rummaged through her papers to find her social security number because at the time everybody used your social security number for all of your different accounts that you had. So I switched over the cable. They needed your social security number for the cable bill and the water bill. I switched over. I called and pretended , that I was her and switched over the cable bill and the 

[00:35:58] Etienne: Oh my God, you're so smart.

[00:36:00] Jane: because I knew that she wouldn't do 

[00:36:01] Etienne: Yeah. You just leave it in your name and then not pay. Yeah.

[00:36:04] Jane: Yep, that's totally what was gonna happen. And then I told her that I was moving out and I thought this was generous. I gave her three month lead time. I said, I'm moving out in three months. And I said, you could either stay, or you could find another roommate or you could find a new place. You have three months know. And, uh, so yeah. And actually I forgot the order of events I gave her that. I told her that first. And then I did give her, actually, I'm sorry. 'cause this is like, we're going back 30 years now. Um, she, I gave her that much time. I gave her a month to change stuff over into her name and she never did. And that's when I went into her room. So I did give her, I gave her a shot. But anyway, sorry I, this was a long story, but she was nuts. she was absolutely

[00:36:46] Etienne: gave her time 'cause she was nuts. I don't know what she would've thought of to 

[00:36:48] Heidi: Yeah.

[00:36:49] Jane: Well, I didn't want her to mess with my car. I needed my car. I didn't want her to mess with my life because I was like, if someone would be that vindictive, I was like, I need to extricate myself slowly.

[00:37:02] Jane: And, uh, like where she's not coming after me. If I just cut her off and left her in the lurch with nowhere to go. She wasn't on terms with her family where she could just go live with them again. She didn't have another good friend, immediately she could move in with. I needed to do the right thing while also protecting myself.

[00:37:18] Jane: And yeah. And then she kept asking me like, where are you moving to? But I didn't tell her. I actually made up a fake, I made up a fake address and gave it to her. 

[00:37:27] Etienne: Oh my God. That's awesome. 

[00:37:29] Jane: Yeah. And then when I finally moved out. I just told her I was like, I just want you to know now that I am moving out, 'cause she asked me like a month before, like, oh, I need your new address and your new phone number and stuff, because this was before anyone had a cell phone. And I just told her, I was just like, Melissa, that's not my real address. Am I not my real phone number? Like I'm moving out. And we're done as people together.

[00:37:49] Jane: Like, I don't ever want to hang out with you again. I don't ever wanna see you again. I was like, you lied to my face. I think that you're vindictive and I wish you all the best. Sometimes you can be really fun. I was like, but we're done here. And my boyfriend and my friend who helped move me out, were at the top of the stairs. Like, yeah, they were so, because they hated her. They hated her because every time she would have say that she was taking a nap and my friends would be over, it'd be like two in the afternoon on a Saturday and she would come out of her room and be like, you guys are being so loud. And we're like, it's 2:00 PM on a Saturday.

[00:38:23] Jane: What, and we were outside, but it was like out by where her win the window, like the basement window, at the top of her room. And she could hear us in the backyard and if we were inside, we were too loud. If we were outside, we were, she was like, if you guys could just go hang out somewhere else. And I'm like, it is 2:00 PM on a Saturday. So they were just, yeah, they all hated her. Anyway, 

[00:38:42] Etienne: Do you remember her response at all to you? Like when you said this to her, but you weren't gonna be friends with her? I gave you fake address. 

[00:38:47] Jane: I turned and walked up the stairs. So, 

[00:38:49] Etienne: to like, 

[00:38:50] Jane: but my, my boyfriend and my friend were at the top of the stairs seeing this transpire and they said that she was just standing there like gobsmacked, like her mouth was open, like, uh, you know, 

[00:38:58] Etienne: God. 

[00:38:59] Jane: and uh, I was like,

[00:39:00] Heidi: So you never saw her or heard

[00:39:02] Jane: I did. Unfortunately I did see her from time to time because we were both in the rave scene in New York at the time, but I would just totally ignore her. It was very easy to be like, I could go dance in the other corner of this warehouse. I do not have to be right here. And then one time she came up to me and she was like, really out of her head. And I was outta my head we were both had done Molly or whatever. And so she's thinking like, oh, okay, then we'll be friends again. I'm like, no, I, it's, there's not enough Molly in the world to make me hug you right now.

[00:39:25] Heidi: Yeah.

[00:39:28] Jane: she came up to me, she was just, she's like, can I have a hug? And I was like, no, absolutely not. And she was like, I really would like to restore our friendship. I was like, there's nothing to restore, sweetheart. I'm like, I really wish you all the best, but I told you we were done. And I meant it.

[00:39:39] Etienne: Oh my God. Yeah. 

[00:39:41] Jane: I feel like such a bitch telling

[00:39:42] Etienne: but she was crazy. 

[00:39:43] Jane: was

[00:39:43] Heidi: No,

[00:39:44] Etienne: No, she was

[00:39:45] Heidi: That is crazy.

[00:39:46] Etienne: she reminds me of the movie. I completely forgot about what we were talking a Single 

[00:39:49] Jane: Single White Female. Yes. 

[00:39:51] Heidi: Oh, I had kind of similar where somebody seems really sweet in the beginning and then switches. So I had signed up for the study abroad to go to Mexico for my last couple of Spanish classes, and I was a, what do they call it? Non-traditional student, being late twenties. So it was a bunch of 18 year olds, and then me. So this lady, she was maybe in her forties, fifties, and I'm not gonna say her real name 'cause I'm still slightly scared of this woman. I'm gonna call her Regina. Anyway, Regina, so I see her and I see, oh, she is non-traditional as well. You know, she's married, I'm married. Like, okay, we'll get along. So I was like, oh, you wanna be roommates? 'Cause we all had to have roommates here. And so yeah, it was great in the beginning. And then, wow, she was just like Jekyll and Hyde. She would be super sweet outside, but behind closed doors. Like she was a slob, if you asked her about, you know, Hey, maybe pick up your soda cans 'cause we're getting ants. She would just fly off the hook like it became so stressful. Oh, in the bathroom, sharing the bathroom. Like she just was, ' cause I'd be like, alright, I'll go in first. And then, when you're ready to get in, just knock on the door, you know? And she's like, well I don't really like that. How about you get out by this time. So I would get out by that time and then she, but I would still need to like, either brush my teeth or just finish up.

[00:41:20] Heidi: And she would wait until the last second, like, I'm in my bedroom going, okay, is she ever getting up? She told me I have to be out at this certain time. And she would wait till the last second, so I would be late then. And it just became like this whole weird thing where I was like walking on eggshells with this woman and I was losing hair and crying. Oh yeah. It was awful. It was awful. They

[00:41:45] Jane: long were you there

[00:41:46] Heidi: Like six or seven weeks, something like that. But yeah, she was just, oh, she was horrid. And, so finally they switched me out with another girl. 'Cause I couldn't live there anymore. I was like, I'll live on the Mexican streets. I don't care. I can't live with this woman anymore. So, yeah. Once I got in with like the little 18 and 19 year olds, it was golden. It was awesome. Like these girls were awesome. And I'm like, I shoulda have been your roommates this entire time. I had no idea that Regina was so awful. And I would see her from time to time on the campus after that and she would just give me these dirty looks like,

[00:42:24] Jane: Did they give her a different roommate? Do you know? 

[00:42:27] Heidi: yeah, I think 

[00:42:28] Etienne: Oh no. 

[00:42:29] Heidi: Yeah. But, it was like the last week or two and I'm sure she was trying to keep the facade 

[00:42:35] Etienne: Oh, pretend to be like, I am clean. I am not hard to live with at all.

[00:42:39] Heidi: Yeah. Oh yeah. I don't know. But, I was a total basket case 'cause I was like, I cannot keep going with this lady. Yeah, she was not stable. Definitely not stable.

[00:42:51] Jane: I think that emotional stability and cleanliness are just like two areas that are non-negotiable. Like you gotta be at the same level as your people who you share space with, because we could all think that we're like super zen and evolves like in so many different areas. But then, I'm just thinking of just how triggered I was even just telling the story about Melissa, I was just like, I could feel my cortisol. I was there again, I'm like, oh my God. We all have some kind of crazy and you gotta figure out, whether you're living with somebody in a platonic fashion or in a romantic relationship, your kind of crazy, has to be something that the other person can completely accept and live with.

[00:43:26] Jane: And everybody has to just be on the level with certain things. Otherwise there will just be like attention that is not something that's sustainable and that it will, I think, make your mental health deteriorate. So.

[00:43:40] Heidi: Yeah, I remember one of the fights we had. She brought up the whole room thing. I had gotten there first and took the smaller room, like I gave her the better room and she brought that, well, you took that room. And I was like, oh my

[00:43:54] Etienne: She acting like that was, yeah. Was she acting like, oh no, you took the better room. It's like, no.

[00:43:58] Heidi: Yeah. I was like, whatcha talking about? Yeah. It was bizarre. Like, yeah. Yeah. There were so many things. 

[00:44:05] Etienne: Oh my 

[00:44:05] Heidi: Yeah. She just was never happy. And then if you brought up anything that she was doing wrong, oh yeah, she'd explode. So. She was just, she was a slob, she was rude, just, but then really sweet outside of the apartment, to everybody else. So everybody thought she was the sweetest thing ever.

[00:44:23] Jane: why I still am a proponent of like living with somebody before you get married. And I know

[00:44:28] Heidi: Yes.

[00:44:29] Jane: People still think, because I feel like you just need to know.

[00:44:32] Etienne: Yeah, you're not gonna know 

[00:44:33] Jane: just need to know. I, 

[00:44:34] Etienne: or if you see their place like, and how they react, you know how they act in their place before you know at least that. But living with them is gonna give you the best, best idea of who they're as a person.

[00:44:44] Jane: I was my husband's

[00:44:46] Heidi: She was definitely, definitely a Jekyll and Hyde character. Ugh.

[00:44:50] Etienne: Wait, did you say you or your husband's first roommate? 

[00:44:52] Jane: I was well outside of college. He had a roommate in college. He did. And he actually had good roommates in college. He had good experiences. And, but then when, like apartment living, we were moved in together and he almost didn't think it was gonna happen because when we were looking at places, I said, the place that we fell in love with was right on the water on Long Island. But, it was the second story of this really old house and it had slopey ceilings. And I did, I was like, I gotta measure floor to the ceiling to make sure that my bookshelves fit though, because if the bookshelves don't fit, it's kind of a deal breaker. He goes, well, couldn't you just put your books in the closet? And I just, I thank you. That's the appropriate. And I went, but what I said was a little over the top and a little nuts. I was like, would you put your children in the closet? And he was like, whoa, whoa. He is like, your books are your children. I was like, well for now. I was like, I'm not putting them in the closet. Like that's non-negotiable for me. He goes, for real? You wouldn't put your books in the closet? And I'm like, no, I need access to them. I refer to them. I mean, I was teaching at the time, so some of them are reference books. And also I like to, I don't know, like sometimes I'm like, what was

[00:45:54] Heidi: not like there's other apartments out there, like there's other apartments.

[00:45:58] Jane: It was New York, so it was a tight market, but. Yeah, I need places for bookshelves. What on earth? So anyway, he almost was like, I don't know if this is gonna work. She thinks that that's crazy. And I was also like, I don't know if this is gonna work, if he thinks that that's crazy. So, but we, we worked through it. We worked through it and I also,

[00:46:17] Heidi: that?

[00:46:18] Jane: Oh, we did get that apartment and it was an amazing apartment and we had wonderful, wonderful times there. And he turned out to be a fabulous roommate with benefits once we got over the whole, like, he had this thing where he just wanted to drape his clothing on so many things.

[00:46:31] Jane: And I'm like, no, you cannot do that. Like, why are we draping? He had this thing where whatever he was wearing that day, he would take off and put at the end of the bed. And like, imagine if he just laid down on the bed and just evaporated. Like his clothes would be just there, looking like a Brendon with no Brendon inside of it. And he would just leave them there and then they would stack like, like five days deep. And I'm like, what is 

[00:46:49] Etienne: Oh my God. 

[00:46:51] Jane: Out of your dirty clothes? He goes, well, I might wear some of them again. You know, I. So hang 

[00:46:56] Etienne: back in the closet. 

[00:46:57] Jane: Like, yeah. I was like, I could put books in the closet, but you can't put clothes in the closet, which is what's supposed to go in the closet. This is really kind of, anyway, he stopped doing that 

[00:47:07] Etienne: weird. 

[00:47:07] Jane: Um, yeah, compromises. And then my compromise was just knowing that he's like spreader and I'm a stacker and put it away-er, and he needs to see things or he won't remember. So it's like all the compromises that you can make and it's a lot easier to compromise with a roommate that also is really good in bed. I'll just say that.

[00:47:25] Etienne: Oh, Jesus. 

[00:47:28] Heidi: Yeah. Someone you love.

[00:47:30] Jane: Yeah. I was like, I'll let some of these crumbs slide because you're awesome in bed. Yeah.

[00:47:35] Etienne: Oh my God. Well, when I met my ex-husband, he had a roommate and that roommate was so dirty, but I made sure that the dirt wasn't my ex's doing. He had a golden retriever. Um, I think a golden retriever Do they shed a whole lot because it's this dog shed and they had hardwood floors and there was gaps under the doors. So the tumbleweeds from the dog's hair would come under. Like my exo Yeah, my, yeah. We come under his door and come into the room and I'm not allergic to dogs at all, and I'm actually, I don't think I'm allergic to cats either. But I started breaking out in hives because there was so much hair everywhere and I've never, this is the only time in my whole life I've ever had a reaction to animal hair. And it was literally because it was everywhere. And I'm like, this is unacceptable. And his roommate

[00:48:24] Heidi: mites, I'm sure, and dust mites. There was probably just a overabundance of dust mites, so that will do it.

[00:48:30] Etienne: Yeah, and it's Los Angeles, so it doesn't rain a lot, so everything's just like hanging out in the air. The smog like, yeah, but also he would take his bills as soon as they would come and just shove 'em under his bed. When I looked for something like my shoes or something under his bed one day, because I had just gotten pushed under there, I was like, why is all this mail under your bed? He's like 

[00:48:50] Jane: what's a 

[00:48:51] Etienne: he's like, those are my bills. And I'm like, what? Why are they under your bed? Why don't you just pay 'em? What's going on? He is like, no, I don't pay 'em till the pink one comes. 

[00:49:01] Jane: What 

[00:49:02] Heidi: What 

[00:49:02] Etienne: he said. I don't pay them till the pink one comes. And I'm like, no. Well that's not a good idea. Like, so when we, when we moved in together, I was like, I am in charge of the finances. Like we'll get a joint like bank account. 'Cause we got engaged right away while he was still living there. But, when we moved in together, I was like, we're gonna have a joint checking account, but I'm gonna take care of the bills. Like, so once a week I'd write all the checks and send them out and like Yeah. 'Cause that's back when you had to write freaking checks, have stamps, put them on there and get them to the mailbox and like Yeah. So he, we 

[00:49:38] Jane: if his philosophy was, don't mail it till the pink ones come. Why did he just like throw them away until the 

[00:49:43] Etienne: You're right that 

[00:49:44] Jane: like having a collection?

[00:49:46] Etienne: Was a collection. There should not have been a collection. You could have just literally thrown 'em away. You're right. Because there would always be a pink one. Uh, it was like, they don't, that doesn't even happen nowadays, I don't think. Do they have pink ones anymore? I don't think.

[00:49:57] Heidi: I have no idea. I've

[00:49:58] Jane: okay. I was actually, I 

[00:50:00] Etienne: stamps maybe, or I don't know. Yeah.

[00:50:02] Jane: I was late with my electric bill a couple months ago because we had traveled when it came, and then when we came back, it was just stuck in between some junk mail. And then I just forgot. I just forgot. It's always due on the 11th, but I just spaced it one month. So it came and instead of it being like their logo in green, their logo was in red.

[00:50:21] Etienne: oh, okay. 

[00:50:22] Jane: So the slip itself wasn't pink, but, there was definitely like a, yeah, it was red and I was like, why is this red? I'm like, oh no, it is the 20th.

[00:50:32] Etienne: Oh my God. Yeah. So we never had a problem with credit or anything. As soon as I took, I don't think he'd ruin his credit either. It was just he had been fine. The pink ones would come, he would pay them. He didn't mess up his credit. It was okay, but yeah.

[00:50:45] Etienne: Like there was never a problem after that though, as soon as I took over and I literally did our finances for the full 15 years we were together, or 16, whatever, it was like I did everything because I just don't trust anybody and shoved shit under the bed and

[00:51:00] Jane: No. 

[00:51:01] Heidi: No 

[00:51:01] Jane: god. That's not a file cabinet. It's not a file cabinet. It 

[00:51:06] Etienne: it's not

[00:51:07] Jane: cabinet. It's no drawer. 

[00:51:08] Etienne: So it was like mail and dog hair.

[00:51:11] Heidi: Oh my God.

[00:51:15] Jane: Crazy. 

[00:51:16] Etienne: know.

[00:51:17] Jane: Um, well, I, for one, think that we would all be stellar roommates, so maybe one day, you know, there'll be 

[00:51:24] Heidi: Golden girls 

[00:51:26] Etienne: Yeah. 

[00:51:26] Jane: We will have to see. But I would love for anyone listening, if you have a horror roommate story, they tend to be

[00:51:32] Heidi: We wanna hear.

[00:51:33] Jane: Than, like, we were all kumbaya and it was so lovely. Like, me having tea with my 

[00:51:38] Etienne: I was so jealous. I was like, this sounds awesome. Like if that were a man, you would've like married her.

[00:51:43] Jane: probably we would still, we would still be together. Yeah. Um,

[00:51:47] Etienne: You'd be living in Oxfordshire.

[00:51:49] Jane: Yeah, she was perfect. She was perfect. If you're listening, Alex, you're perfect. But yeah, tell us your stories. We would love to hear them.

[00:51:57] Etienne: Yes, please. In the comments. 

[00:51:59] Heidi: That's our show you've been listening to the Women are Plotting. If you have a story you'd like to share or have any comments, we'd love to hear from you. Email us at info@thewomenareplotting.com and of course you can find us on all the socials. Thanks, and until next time, be safe and be excellent to each other.