Sexual Mishaps

We trade outrageous, honest stories about sexual mishaps and pair them with real medical facts, hygiene guidance, and hard boundaries that keep intimacy safe and fun. From penile fractures to water-vacuum myths, we turn cringe into caution and humor into useful advice.

• common mishaps vs real injuries
• ER data on penile fractures and how maybe to avoid them
• hickeys, clots, and surprising medical risks
• water sex myths, suction hazards, lost lube
• consent, “wrong hole,” and stopping fast
• oral boundaries and post-meal gag reflex risk
• foreskin hygiene, yeast transmission, doctor talk
• toy safety, retrieval loops, and stuck-object fixes
• vaginal moisturizers, clumps, and timing tips
• practical PSAs and safer-play checklist

Email us at info@thewomenareplotting.com, and find us on all the socials. Be safe and be excellent to each other.

Chapters

• 0:00 Cold Open: Hygiene And Condoms
• 1:12 Men's Health #1 Reported Sexual Mishap
• 2:32 The #1 Sexual Injury
• 4:12 The World's Most Dangerous Hickeys
• 6:00 Who Knew Kissing Could Cause Permanent Injury?
• 6:24 Loses One of Your Senses Permanently From a Hard Climax
• 7:05 The Most Embarrassing Sex in Water Story
• 9:44 A Kink Etty Had Previously Been Unfamiliar With
• 17:10 The Mystery Foreskin That Needed To Be Sherlocked
• 23:55 Heidi's 19th Hole
• 27:23 Some Lube and an Idea
• 30:36 Etty Almost Needed a Medical Rescue
• 35:01 ALWAYS Read a Product's Instructions, Or Accept the Consequences
• 43:17 A Recap of What We Learned Today
• 44:44 Uncircumsized Men Need To Clean Their Penises Differently

Transcript

[00:00:00] Etienne: There's been two uncircumcised men that I've been with who were uncircumcised and they did not know how to properly clean themselves and they got punished for me because of that. But yeah, like one, he was not allowed to have sex with me again without a condom.

[00:00:15] Etienne: And we were together for two years and yeah, he was not allowed, and I did not go down on him because I know he got a yeast infection from me and I went and I got treated and he refused to get treated. And I said, all right, then just go to the doctor. So he did, he went to the doctor. You know what he did?

[00:00:32] Etienne: He did not tell the doctor that he was uncircumcised. She said it was, she said it was impossible that he had a yeast infection. And I'm like, did she know you were uncircumcised? Uh, I don't know. I'm like, Jesus Christ. She obviously assumed you were circumcised and then yes, it would be nearly impossible for you to have yeast infection.

[00:00:50] Etienne: Welcome listeners. This is The Women Are Plotting. I'm Etienne Rose Olivier and I'm here with my friends and co-hosts, Heidi Willis and Jane Gari.

[00:01:05] Etienne: On today's episode, we're gonna be talking about sexual mishaps, and my fun fact for today, 

[00:01:12] Etienne: Men's Health had a chart and the top sexual mishap, and I believe it's 17, no sorry, 13.3% was gotten a muscle cramp as the top sexual mishap. And considering what I know I'm gonna be talking about today on the show, these mishaps are ridiculously calm and easy, and I don't even know if I would call them mishaps. I would call them just life. But the muscle cramp brought up for me. I've only had, of all of the men that I've had the pleasure of being naked with only one has had muscle cramps that have happened so many times that I almost gave him bananas before we would go to bed together because this would happen, I'm not even kidding, I would be lucky if we could get through two minutes of intercourse before he would have to seize up like his, his calf would be so, so tense that he would start almost yelling and I'd have to go and like rub him and I'm

[00:02:16] Heidi: needs Electrolytes.

[00:02:17] Etienne: ridiculous what is happening. So, but still that I think is a super tame, super tame sexual mishap. But, Jane was gonna tell us her fun, interesting fact for today.

[00:02:32] Jane: Yeah, it's not fun for the person experiencing it, but I was like, what sexual injuries rank highest, right? So I looked at stats on this in the US and every year in the United States, penile fractures account for about 1600 emergency room visits.

[00:02:52] Heidi: What? Oh.

[00:02:54] Jane: And I was like, that's a lot. And it is a tear in the fibrous tissue that covers the penis and it's rare, but 1600. So that's a lot. That's a lot of penises just getting busted and it is a urological emergency, you have to go to the ER if that happens to you, and most men fully recover if you go to the ER. And then they can't have sex for like six weeks. And usually you have to have an MRI and I'm like, say, oh my goodness, be like an embarrassing trip. But it's, you know, you have sudden severe pain and bruising and swelling and then there might even be a popping or a snapping sound at the time of injury.

[00:03:33] Heidi: Mm-hmm.

[00:03:35] Jane: And I just think, oh my goodness, that would be, uh, just that would be terrible. So if there's really men listening, I hope that's never happened to you, but it sounds pretty rough. And I'm also wondering like, what precipitates a penile fracture? Is it mostly reverse cowgirl, bad dismount? Like what is

[00:03:54] Heidi: From what I read, I think it's vigorous sex, but then the women's pubic bones coming up against that. Smashing into it. Yeah. One of the stories, the article I found that had many, many stories, one of the stories was talking about a penis breaking.

[00:04:11] Etienne: Oh God.

[00:04:12] Heidi: Yeah. So, my fun fact is, I have so many, and I probably should actually list some of these because I had not known that some of these things had caused death. Did you know that hickeys can cause serious damage? In fact, they can also kill. So last year, 17-year-old Julio Macies Gonzalez from Mexico City, died of a stroke after a hickey from his girlfriend caused a blood clot.

[00:04:40] Etienne: Oh my God. I wouldn't even think of that. Oh

[00:04:43] Heidi: know, I had so many hickeys as a teenager. Oh my God, you guys were probably the same. Like, it was kind of,

[00:04:49] Etienne: No. I was a virgin. I didn't have a boyfriend forever.

[00:04:54] Heidi: Oh my god, I had so many hickeys. So yeah, it was thought that his girlfriend gave him a hickey earlier that evening that caused the clot that traveled to the teen's brain.

[00:05:03] Etienne: That's awful. Oh, no.

[00:05:05] Heidi: be saved. Died. Yeah. So, it is not the first time a love bite is believed to have triggered such a reaction.

[00:05:12] Heidi: So I had no idea. Also a 44-year-old woman in New Zealand in 2011, lost movement in her left arm after having a stroke. On noticing a faded hickey, doctors quickly realized damage to the major artery in her neck had linked to, and they linked it to her paralysis.

[00:05:31] Etienne: It makes sense though, because yeah, if you're doing mostly hickeys, like right over your carotid, right on your neck, that it makes sense. I just would never have thought.

[00:05:40] Heidi: I know, it's insane. I know, because hickeys were like, that's how you, I don't know, claimed ownership on each other or something. Something weird

[00:05:51] Etienne: but you could, I mean, I guess if you wanna do hickey, just don't do it right over your neck veins where you can see mine clearly, but like

[00:05:57] Heidi: yes. Yeah.

[00:05:58] Etienne: anywhere else is fine.

[00:06:00] Heidi: There were some other ones that were really surprising, like a guy went deaf from vigorous kissing, Yeah.

[00:06:06] Etienne: how does that, how.

[00:06:08] Heidi: I, I don't know. The kiss reduced the pressure in the mouth and it pulled the eardrum and yeah,

[00:06:14] Etienne: that like my old roommate? Remember I told you she kissed very loudly with her boyfriend?

[00:06:18] Jane: Yes.

[00:06:18] Heidi: that could have been them. Yeah.

[00:06:20] Jane: Or was it just literally giving new meaning to the term suck face?

[00:06:24] Heidi: Then another, yeah, another guy temporary lost vision in his eye when he climaxed too hard.

[00:06:30] Jane: Okay. That I totally understand because I've had out-of-body experiences, so I

[00:06:36] Heidi: But I mean, going blind

[00:06:37] Jane: I

[00:06:37] Heidi: in a eye

[00:06:39] Etienne: I went blind from eating a pot brownie for like five minutes. I went blind for five minutes.

[00:06:45] Heidi: Oh my God.

[00:06:46] Etienne: But having, I would,

[00:06:48] Heidi: I

[00:06:48] Etienne: like an orgasm that did that to me, that would be amazing. Like, sorry, temporarily not for like ever. Just temporary

[00:06:57] Jane: when they used to tell guys like, stop jerking off so much, you're gonna go blind. Apparently they weren't kidding.

[00:07:03] Heidi: If they climaxed a little too hard. 

[00:07:05] Heidi: There was a whole story on somebody having to be medically removed from their partner.

[00:07:11] Jane: Oh.

[00:07:12] Heidi: They had had sex in the sea and she had become engorged and the suction had stuck them together. They had to be surgically removed from each other, almost like a dog. The dogs, you know, when they get stuck

[00:07:25] Etienne: Yeah, but the dogs don't they have like a special thing that happens to their penis, which makes them stay that way until they lose the blood supply. Yeah.

[00:07:32] Jane: Yeah. But this was like more of

[00:07:34] Etienne: Because they were in the

[00:07:35] Jane: was created.

[00:07:36] Heidi: like a vacuum was

[00:07:37] Etienne: another reason why you shouldn't have sex and water

[00:07:39] Jane: I knew it was possible. This was something like, you know.

[00:07:42] Etienne: You knew it.

[00:07:43] Jane: It was because I had had two different men in the course of my life try to convince me to have sex at once in a hot tub and the other time in a pool. And I was like, I'm not doing that because I'm afraid it will create a vacuum and we'll get stuck.

[00:07:56] Jane: And they were just like, that's not a thing. And I'm like, huh. Turns out it is a thing. I think I need to,

[00:08:01] Heidi: You've been vindicated

[00:08:03] Jane: well, 'cause one of the

[00:08:04] Heidi: many years

[00:08:05] Jane: tried to convince me to do that, I'm married to him now and I'm gonna tell him later. I'm like, I just learned that it

[00:08:09] Heidi: I will send you the article.

[00:08:11] Etienne: Well, I, I always used to say, no sex. No sex in water, because the lubrication that you create is just instantly away from you. It's not helping you. It's like there's no reason. They're just, it's gonna feel like you're just not, yeah. Like you're just having sex in a desert and just ask it feels like for women. 'Cause I have tried and immediately it was like, this is no,

[00:08:30] Jane: It doesn't work. There's no lube. I mean, I have to turn the ceiling fan off. I can't imagine trying to do this in a pool. It's like constantly drying everything, right? TMI, sorry,

[00:08:44] Heidi: of, yeah. Well, speaking of, of sexual mishaps.

[00:08:47] Etienne: Oh no.

[00:08:47] Heidi: Yeah. I've had sex in hot tubs and, but I don't know. I was drunk and young and.

[00:08:52] Etienne: That seems like such.

[00:08:53] Heidi: remember. I don't remember. Well, and it was with teenage boys, so it was probably done within seconds. So enough.

[00:09:02] Etienne: I mean, if that's true, you're good, you're fine. Like it's too, too quick to really be a problem. Oh my God. No.

[00:09:16] Heidi: So who wants to go first? Who's got the juiciest story?

[00:09:20] Etienne: I feel like I might.

[00:09:22] Jane: I, I'm so gonna say, I think that Etienne should go first, and I'm

[00:09:25] Etienne: I mean, I might, I mean, we, maybe we should have a poll. We could have a poll attached to this episode.

[00:09:32] Heidi: Yeah. Who has the

[00:09:33] Etienne: the worst sexual mishap. Well, I have like

[00:09:37] Heidi: vote for.

[00:09:39] Etienne: I know I have two that I wanna, I'll share one and then we could just go around and,

[00:09:43] Heidi: Okay. Sounds

[00:09:44] Etienne: But I think the funniest, the funniest and not as, I don't know, they're both really gross.

[00:09:49] Etienne: So let's set this up. So, there was a guy about a year into dating post ex-husband or post husband. Who had such good qualities. And I did talk about him on another episode, and he was the one who, he obviously had a problem with scat play that he swore he was not interested in that because we discussed prior to meeting the first time he was like, on the text, what are you not okay with? Or what are you into sexually? And I told him, well, pretty, I'm pretty much open to everything except, nothing, that involves poop. And he was like, oh, that's fine. I'm not into scat play. And I didn't even know there was a word for it. Like that was literally, he educated me by using the word.

[00:10:34] Etienne: 'Cause I immediately was Googling what is scat play like? So I found out, no, he knew the word and that should have been a red flag. That should have been horns going off like kind where the nuclear bomb is heading our way going off. And so yes, we did have an issue with that later on that ended our relationship.

[00:10:53] Etienne: But before that happened, we'd had a lovely lunch one weekend day. I can't even remember what I had. Probably a salad 'cause I love salads, but I had enough salad where I was very, very full. And for some reason we immediately came back to my house, into the bedroom. And started fooling around and pretty sure kissing immediately for some reason.

[00:11:16] Etienne: Obviously he was having a good day for him. Went to me going down on him and he was of normal, like average penis. Nothing crazy in any, just a hundred percent average, like nothing crazy outta in any way, shape or form. Not crazy girth, not crazy length, just normal. And I was doing my normal thing, and all of a sudden he took his hands behind my head and was forcing me to go further down than I was already going on him. And he did it a couple times and it was fine. Like nothing bad was happening. I've had this happen before where men were very into that. I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm okay with it to a point, but I found out there's a time where I'm not okay with that, which is when I've actually just had a whole giant meal and I'm kind of so full that I can feel it while we're doing this.

[00:12:06] Etienne: Uh, I'm really full right now and he's pushing my head down and all of a sudden, out of freaking nowhere, I vomit all over his penis.

[00:12:18] Jane: Oh my God.

[00:12:19] Etienne: I just completely, and I am mortified. Mortified. My entire lunch practically was just all over him.

[00:12:28] Jane: Just lettuce.

[00:12:30] Etienne: I'm like, what the, and I, I do not chew very well.

[00:12:34] Jane: my

[00:12:35] Heidi: Oh no.

[00:12:36] Etienne: I'm a bad chewer.

[00:12:37] Heidi: It looks like a salad on

[00:12:39] Etienne: Yeah, I literally eat like, I, like I have not had a meal in a week and like it needs to get in as fast as possible. No, I do not chew well. I'm not a, I'm not a Buddhist when it comes to eating. I do not chew 30 times. No. So we somehow get him off the bed without messing up the bed. I think there was some dripping on the floor as he's going to the bathroom. Yeah, we get, and my bathroom is so far away. It's so far away from the bed.

[00:13:08] Jane: I am like, what did he do? Like is

[00:13:10] Etienne: not freaking out. He is like, it's okay, it's okay. He's trying to make me feel better and I'm like, this is not okay. And, it's not till we get to the shower where, you know, he's still kind of hold it like he's trying to hold it. As we're going, lemme get into the shower and I'm turn, I'm running too. I'm like getting like, you know, I'm, I'm turned the shower on so that it was already hot and there was no, you know, him standing there holding my vomit, like his hands around his,

[00:13:42] Jane: A cup.

[00:13:42] Etienne: Oh, this is so bad. Yeah. And yeah, but so bad. And that's when, when he finally gets in the shower, I'm like, I can't believe this happened. This has never happened to me. Like, I mean, I know you were kind of, you know, helping me as you, I'm doing air quotes. Nobody can see helping me with what you were wanting from me, but I was so full.

[00:14:06] Etienne: And he is like, oh, you know, don't worry. It happens. I'm like, it happens. I'm like, when does this happen? This. To me, you know how many times I have gone down on a man? Like how many times, what number is this on my blowjob list? Like this is probably

[00:14:21] Jane: Wait, so had it happened to him before,

[00:14:23] Etienne: It never happened to me ever before and it's not happened to me since this time was the only time this happened. He is like, ah, it happens. I'm like, why can you say this happens? He is like, well, it's happening before. I'm like, wait, what? This is happening

[00:14:38] Jane: lot of girls.

[00:14:39] Etienne: He's like, oh yeah, like twice, and I'm like. What do you what? Like, did it happen the same way? Were you helping, here's my quotes again. Were you helping them? Was that how it happened? Especially after a meal, like, come

[00:14:52] Heidi: this happened to me too, where I didn't have a full meal. It was just a small amount, so I was able to like quickly recover, swallow it real quick.

[00:14:59] Etienne: did he even find fake? Did the

[00:15:01] Heidi: I don't think he ever knew. I don't think he ever, ever knew. We were both really drunk

[00:15:06] Etienne: Was he also helping you? Is that why

[00:15:08] Heidi: Yes.

[00:15:09] Etienne: God damnit

[00:15:10] Heidi: and they hit, they hit that gag reflex and.

[00:15:13] Etienne: didn't know. I, I mean, I knew I have a gag reflex, but it

[00:15:16] Etienne: never had 

[00:15:17] Heidi: They hit it and, and it, you can't control it like it's gonna come up.

[00:15:21] Jane: All

[00:15:21] Heidi: Thankfully I didn't have a whole lot in my stomach, so I was able to like,

[00:15:25] Etienne: say that.

[00:15:26] Heidi: fill it, filled my mouth and then I was able to swallow

[00:15:29] Etienne: This was not even in my, like, it literally was like straight like, 'cause I was so far down, it was literally like straight in from my stomach, like just all over him. Like there was no stopping it.

[00:15:41] Jane: I have a question.

[00:15:43] Etienne: Yes.

[00:15:44] Jane: Who initiated that particular round of sex as soon as you got

[00:15:49] Etienne: probably him because of the, you know, I'm, I'm more into the old, Hey, go down on me first and then I can do you, and then we can, you know what I mean? Like, then we can get you ready for the fun, the rest

[00:15:59] Heidi: was in scat,

[00:16:00] Etienne: it was probably

[00:16:01] Jane: that he did it. I think he did it on purpose

[00:16:04] Etienne: is a word for that. I've looked it up before. emotophilia or something. It's, it's something like that. Yeah, there's an actual kink involving vomit and I just can't even

[00:16:15] Jane: because he is like, yeah, it happens like when I make it happen. Like I,

[00:16:19] Etienne: literally like I try to make it happen. Yeah.

[00:16:22] Jane: Well, because, and people have to go back and listen to the other episode where this guy was definitely leaving presents for you in the toilet, hoping you'd find them. I think that he, this is a thing for him.

[00:16:32] Heidi: Yep.

[00:16:32] Jane: I think that he had a kink.

[00:16:35] Etienne: He had a few. Yeah.

[00:16:37] Heidi: degrading you in

[00:16:38] Etienne: These are not okay. Like this is not okay. Neither one of those was okay. Like I literally one, one we talked about and I literally said. I'm pretty much open to anything. Well, I wouldn't have been open to if I'd known about the vomiting. But I didn't know to say that I didn't

[00:16:54] Heidi: Said no was a thing. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:16:57] Etienne: Oh my God. Yeah, dude.

[00:17:02] Jane: So, my story also happened during going down on a guy. So, we can have a lovely segue.

[00:17:09] Etienne: Oh.

[00:17:10] Jane: So I dated this guy for off and on for a year and a half, and he was uncircumcised and he's the only person I've ever been with who was uncircumcised, first and last. If you're uncut out there, guys like, no, it's nothing personal. It was just my preference. It was a little scary to me. It was a little Snuffleupagus until it got hard and then it was just like, oh, okay, where's the turtleneck? I'm fine. Um, I could, I could deal with this that it just kind of like, you know, the turtle, it just kind of slides a little bit in and out of its turtleneck

[00:17:41] Etienne: you're so, I wish you could see what she's doing right now.

[00:17:44] Jane: Just, you know, a little turtle. So. I was fine with it, especially, you know, the lights were low and, um, so I was

[00:17:54] Heidi: At it.

[00:17:54] Jane: Yeah, I have to look at it, but honestly, he, it was, it was nice. It was a good size, it was good. Everything was good. So I'm willingly doing it. He's not helping me. He wasn't like, do it.

[00:18:06] Jane: There was no faster, harder, deeper, nothing. I was just like, we were just at my pace. My pace, and. As I'm doing it, I feel like all of a sudden, there's something in between my teeth and I'm trying to ignore it again. I'm trying to then like reach in as a, you know, how you're trying to, like, you're in the middle of doing the act and you're trying to, sometimes you get a hair, it's one of your own and it's attached and you're just kind of trying to sweep it out and out of the way while still keeping your rhythm. And so I was trying to do that at first. I'm like, it's not a hair. This is like just in my mouth. It's not attached to me. So it's something in between my teeth.

[00:18:37] Jane: Maybe it is one of my hairs. Maybe it's one of his hairs. Let's get it out, you know? And so, I get it out, I dislodge it and you know, just kind of trying to like, oh, you know, just get it out. And it is like kind of filmy and I'm like, oh, I'll just like, so I just put it on the pillowcase, so we'll investigate that later.

[00:18:52] Jane: Let's just finish, finish the job here. Because I have OCD, like not the cute kind, the real kind. I'm like, I need to know what was in my mouth. I'm definitely checking that out in a minute here.

[00:19:01] Etienne: Oh God.

[00:19:02] Jane: So I did, and after everybody's done and it was very clearly corn, like a film, like, so. When we poop, everybody, like, I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but, if you have corn and you poop, like there's still, it looks like there's still corn in your poop, but it isn't actually like the entire kernel. What it is, is just the membrane. The membrane is made out of some kind of cellulose stuff that it doesn't, we don't break it down so.

[00:19:30] Heidi: don't digest it.

[00:19:31] Jane: So it's just a film. So it was, it was basically, it was just the little, I put the pillowcase of the corn on my actual pillowcase and then investigated it. It was like the corn lived in there. There's no doubt in my mind that that is what it is. I know what it is. And I just thought how on earth I was like, I haven't had corn in months. And I was like, where the fuck did this corn come from? And then I start, you know when you have a pause and a, like, a really horrific realization comes to you,

[00:19:58] Etienne: Oh God.

[00:19:59] Jane: And I'm like, this corn has no other source.

[00:20:05] Jane: Like I'm a flosser. I have excellent oral hygiene. I am 51 years old, about to be 52, and I've never had a cavity. This corn was not living in my mouth for six months. All right? This corn came from Mr. Uncut who was just in my mouth. It came from.

[00:20:20] Etienne: No.

[00:20:21] Jane: His dick, like I was like, it was living this piece of this corn was living between his foreskin and his, his raw dog. And I'm like, how did it get there? How would corn get in there? And then another horrific realization comes to me

[00:20:38] Etienne: Oh my God. You're like Sherlock Holmes of sexual

[00:20:41] Jane: Yeah, exactly. I was like, 'cause I needed to know like my, that's how my brain works. I need to know, like I'm not just gonna like settle for like, oh, okay, random corn kernel. No, no, no. We're gonna freaking ruminate on this

[00:20:51] Heidi: We're gonna get to the source.

[00:20:53] Jane: And I was like, he either fucked a corn cob, kind of

[00:20:56] Etienne: who.

[00:20:57] Jane: because it's not hollow. Not hollow. Or maybe he's like into cream corn and he put his cock in a vat of it. I'm really doubting that that was like, that's not, you know, or this is from somebody else's ass. His dick was in someone else's ass, little bit of undigested corn, still like you know, didn't make the exit yet. Attaches itself to the little pocket that he's got between the foreskin and the raw dog, and then hangs out in there for who knows how long until it gets deposited in my mouth. There's somebody else's ass corn horn in my mouth.

[00:21:31] Etienne: Oh

[00:21:31] Heidi: And for you, the germaphobe.

[00:21:33] Jane: Oh, it was not good. It was not good.

[00:21:36] Etienne: This is why Jane wrote off uncircumcised men from then on out.

[00:21:40] Jane: Yeah. I was just like, this is not happening again. I never went down on him again, that's for sure.

[00:21:44] Etienne: Oh God, no. Mm-hmm.

[00:21:45] Jane: No, no, no. And so I actually called my OB-Gyn the next day. I was like, I just need to come in for a little checkup. And when I went in there, I was like, I need to be tested for everything.

[00:21:55] Etienne: Oh

[00:21:55] Jane: Well, I'm like, I have reason to believe that my current sexual partner is with other people and just not telling me, and is having unprotected sex of multiple kinds. So I just wanna be, I just do a whole panel. And she was just like, oh. She's like, well, um, and she, she looked like she was about to ask me. She's like, why? And I'm like, I have my reasons. I was like, don't make me tell you the ass corn 

[00:22:16] Etienne: I don't really

[00:22:17] Jane: just freaking. Take my blood, take some swabs and let's just figure this out.

[00:22:21] Etienne: Oh my

[00:22:22] Jane: um, yeah, but we, yeah, we weren't together for much longer because I was like, okay, you're obviously conducting extracurricular activities unsanctioned and now

[00:22:31] Etienne: And he's not washing. So, so yeah, he literally, I mean. I your conclusion It rings true for me. I don't see how it could be anything else. I don't think he's having sex with like some strange sex doll that he is put cream corn inside of. I mean, maybe me, but that's really, really freaking odd. He can go hang out with the emotophilia/scat

[00:22:52] Heidi: Wouldn't it be funny if we find out all these years later that he really was fucking like socks full of cream corn

[00:22:59] Etienne: Oh

[00:22:59] Heidi: and you've thought it came outta somebody's

[00:23:01] Etienne: you would've been so happy to find that out though. At least you know

[00:23:04] Jane: I overjoyed.

[00:23:06] Heidi: be, yeah. Yeah. We should. We should do it. We should do an investigation because you never told him that

[00:23:13] Etienne: God. There's no way you told him.

[00:23:15] Jane: I didn't, I mean, if that happened to me now at this age, I would definitely be like zero

[00:23:20] Heidi: Where? Yeah. Yeah.

[00:23:21] Jane: is somebody else's corn in my mouth? Like, how did this happen? It's like, you didn't eat corn. I didn't eat corn. I've been with you for two days. There's no corn being consumed. Where did this come from? It's on your dick. Yeah.

[00:23:37] Heidi: Ugh.

[00:23:37] Jane: Anyway, so that's like, I think that's my number one sexual mishap.

[00:23:40] Etienne: I think, I think you beat me already, like second story already beating my story.

[00:23:45] Heidi: Yeah, that one's, that one mine does not beat that one except I have a really funny tagline, I guess.

[00:23:54] Etienne: Oh, really? Okay.

[00:23:55] Heidi: Well, okay. It's a really quick story. So in tech school, in the Air Force, I had a boyfriend, one of those tech school romances, but everybody's got roommates, right?

[00:24:05] Heidi: And you're not really supposed to be having sex 'cause you're kind of still in basic a little bit. You know, you got all the rules on you. So we would just find any public place that you could find to have sex in. Like abandoned buildings, golf course, whatever. So we found this bathroom on the golf course open, and so we're having sex, and so I'm bent over, he's behind me, we're going at it, and he slips out and just not even looking at where he is shoving it back into, shoves it in the wrong. And I immediately was like, I clamped down too, like, wrong hole, wrong hole. And he was like, ow, ow, ow, ow. And it was almost like that dog thing. Like he probably was stuck for a hot second.

[00:24:48] Jane: hurt him?

[00:24:49] Heidi: I think I did. 'cause he was like, ow ow. Because I was like, wrong hole wrong. It was like, what is happening? Because I clamped down. It was,

[00:24:57] Etienne: Oh, gosh.

[00:24:58] Heidi: it hurt, but

[00:24:59] Etienne: I've yelled out wrong hole before. Yeah. I wonder if every woman, as you've read, yelled out. Wrong hole

[00:25:06] Jane: I.

[00:25:08] Etienne: but

[00:25:09] Heidi: But it was like, you know, thrust in and then slip out and then thrust and it was like, what?

[00:25:15] Etienne: Oh God. God. Maybe if you weren't in the.

[00:25:18] Heidi: hole was not ready for that.

[00:25:20] Etienne: I mean, I know when that's happened to me, I feel like I've had a little bit of space to work with so I could move myself completely out the way where I'm like, I'm almost off the bed. Like, you're trying to go there. Now I'm just not there anymore. Like, like a sprinter with my body. But it sounds like you had a very tight space to work

[00:25:39] Heidi: yeah, yeah. It was a tiny

[00:25:40] Etienne: exactly go, ah.

[00:25:41] Heidi: and yeah, I had nowhere to go.

[00:25:45] Jane: This story is why when, um, the first time I ever went to the rest area when you're crossing from South Carolina into Georgia, when you cross over the state line on I 20, that rest area they call it the 19th hole. I guess they call that because you're in Augusta, which is like the golf

[00:26:03] Etienne: Oh,

[00:26:03] Jane: world or whatever.

[00:26:04] Jane: That's where the masters is. But it didn't register with me because I don't care about golf. And Heidi had just recently told me that story. So I'm just roll up to this rest area and I see the sign says the 19th hole. I start laughing hysterically. People around me are like, something's wrong with this person.

[00:26:21] Jane: She's by herself. She's just laughing. She's taking pictures of a rest area. And I took a picture. Do you remember me sending this to you, Heidi? And I said to, I'm like, oh my God. You're the 19th hole. Like I was just gonna, just being stupid.

[00:26:34] Etienne: That's so good. Oh my God.

[00:26:38] Jane: But I think about Heidi getting accidentally, taken from the rear whenever I go to the rest area, which is often, 'cause my sister lives in Georgia. I go there every couple of months. I'm like, oh, Heidi, got accidentally.

[00:26:51] Etienne: Right in the wrong place.

[00:26:52] Jane: Yep.

[00:26:53] Etienne: Yeah.

[00:26:54] Jane: And I, and

[00:26:54] Etienne: broke it off. Like

[00:26:56] Heidi: Yes.

[00:26:57] Jane: time.

[00:26:58] Etienne: you're lucky it didn't end up in the ER with like with a, yeah.

[00:27:02] Heidi: if I clamped down and he had swelled up, oh

[00:27:05] Etienne: Or if he'd just gone sideways 'cause he thought he was going forward still and he just like went, you know, like you'd clamped him

[00:27:10] Heidi: Oh, and then

[00:27:11] Etienne: have like broke his penis.

[00:27:12] Jane: Yeah, he would've been one of the 1600 annual emergency room

[00:27:16] Etienne: how it probably does happen, one of the,

[00:27:18] Jane: think this is, it's like she clamped down and I didn't know like. Okay. 

[00:27:23] Jane: One of my best friends growing up went to school for radiology tech. So she had to do a rotation as part of her training in an emergency room and just people will come to the emergency room and act like they have no idea how the object in their ass got there. And.

[00:27:41] Etienne: Oh wait. Come on.

[00:27:43] Heidi: Oh

[00:27:43] Jane: And she would just,

[00:27:45] Etienne: I woke up like this.

[00:27:47] Jane: Yeah, exactly. Like, I slipped and I fell, and the, but some of the, like, there were a couple of objects I remember her telling me about that. I was like, you have to be, come on, how does that happen? But there was, a small, I can't remember how many ounces, but it was like a bottle, a glass bottle, a Coke bottle. Just right up, right up this ass. So that's a thing. There was also a gerbil, which is a thing apparently the people really do.

[00:28:13] Etienne: And it

[00:28:13] Jane: And it was, no, it was dead.

[00:28:15] Etienne: God.

[00:28:16] Jane: They had to, uh, then there was an extraction that happened after that. She wasn't present for the extraction. She just is the one who took the x-ray and saw like a little tiny skeleton inside the bigger

[00:28:26] Etienne: oh. No. God, that's so awful.

[00:28:28] Heidi: my

[00:28:28] Jane: she was, she was like, there's no way this man doesn't know, because he probably constructed the tunnel that

[00:28:33] Etienne: yes. Got the thing up there. 

[00:28:35] Jane: Exactly like I was asleep and I woke up and there's just a pain. And then there was a woman who came in who had a hot roller. Remember, you plug 'em in and they heat up and you take individual curlers and roll 'em in. But so the biggest hot roller, like imagine the big, thick one and she just put it in her vagina and couldn't get it out.

[00:28:55] Jane: So she had to go to the, but instead of just going to the emergency room and saying, I was experimenting and it went wrong. Can you just take this thing out Instead, she acted like she had no idea

[00:29:07] Heidi: What was in

[00:29:08] Jane: what was in there. I mean, like way to play it cool. She's like, oh yeah, I was doing my hair the other day and it's just must have slipped.

[00:29:19] Jane: And it's like she said that it was, it took, my friend said it took every ounce of just composure to not laugh or judge or just, she's like, my eyes were like so hard. I was just like, don't roll your eyes at these people. When they would say like, oh, I, I, I don't know how that happened. Really, really. I'm sure it involved like some lube and an idea like you didn't just,

[00:29:41] Etienne: Some lube and an idea

[00:29:43] Jane: you had a planned, don't act like you

[00:29:45] Heidi: yeah, yeah.

[00:29:47] Etienne: the right way. It doesn't have a, you know, it doesn't have a conical end.

[00:29:51] Jane: Exactly, you need a tapered

[00:29:53] Etienne: end.

[00:29:54] Jane: So how did that happen with force and lube and efforts? That's what I'm saying. Like

[00:29:59] Etienne: I hope it was not against her will at least, I mean, hopefully that

[00:30:03] Jane: oh God, you know what? I didn't even think

[00:30:05] Etienne: I know that just occurred to me, gosh,

[00:30:09] Jane: And that way then when,

[00:30:10] Heidi: That even dark.

[00:30:11] Jane: then you would be really embarrassed. But then you could go and then you have a different story though of like, no.

[00:30:15] Heidi: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:30:16] Etienne: yeah.

[00:30:17] Jane: boyfriend was trying something or,

[00:30:19] Etienne: Or I need, can I have help? Like, can we call the police, please? Yeah. Yeah. Like now we need to like, yeah. File a.

[00:30:26] Jane: this was back in the late eighties, so I think that maybe there wasn't as much awareness around advocating for yourself like that. So I'm really hoping that that's not what that happened to that

[00:30:34] Etienne: Yeah, I hope it was

[00:30:35] Jane: or I guess the man.

[00:30:36] Etienne: Jesus. That's scary. Kind of along that line, something happened to me where I thought I was gonna end up in the emergency department in a similar, very embarrassing situation, but not with anything abnormal.

[00:30:47] Etienne: This was with regular Ben Wa balls. So it was with the very young boyfriend that I had for a few months, like four months into my separation from my ex-husband. And he had bought them or we bought them together, but he was really excited about trying them out.

[00:31:03] Etienne: And we were here at my house when we tried them and then after it had already been, you know, having sex for possibly hours upon hours because it was just nonstop with him, so I was already quite swollen and that is not the best time to be trying out Ben Wa balls, I gotta tell you. And ones with that don't have string of any kind, nothing to nothing attached to them to help you assist in removal.

[00:31:28] Etienne: So literally put both up there. Was able to get one out after we were playing and we didn't play with anything crazy like it was, nothing else was put up inside. Nope. Nothing else was put up inside of me after that. So I went to go take them out after the fact and got the first one out no problem. 'Cause there was something behind it to help push it down. And I was pushing down with my force with my internal forces. But that second one, mm-hmm. It was like, it was determined. It was like, nope, I'm staying here. We're not going anywhere. And I.

[00:31:59] Heidi: I'm very cozy here.

[00:32:01] Etienne: Yeah. It's like I found my space. This is, this is my space. This is where I live now. I'm like, no, this is not where you live. I have dinner reservations. I am not going to dinner with this, even though I know it'll be fine. It's not gonna hurt me like, you know, not technically hurt me. It'll hurt me in my mind that there's something that I cannot get outta my body and I'm a freaking nurse. Like, don't tell me. So I pushed

[00:32:26] Heidi: How big are these things?

[00:32:27] Etienne: They were like, I mean, okay. Maybe like the larger rubber balls you used to play with as a kid, you know? Yeah. So they're not small and they're not ginormous. They're kind of in the middle, I would say.

[00:32:39] Heidi: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:32:40] Etienne: Um, and. They were not metal. I don't think they were metal. I got rid of them after this. So I have nothing to go back to, to help jog memory on this one. This is purely like, because I immediately threw them away. These were, yeah, did not wash them off. Didn't do it. I just immediately threw them away. All the way away. Um, because it took me, I was determined. I was like, this shit is coming out.

[00:33:05] Etienne: This is not, this is not staying in me while I'm going to have dinner. Because that's all I'll be able to think about is that I can't get it out. And how come? How come I can't get it out and what's happening? So I just pushed and I pushed and I pushed and I pushed with everything that I had and I hurt myself. I was actually hurting myself. Like I put my longest finger, and even tried both hands, even my non-dominant hand.

[00:33:26] Jane: she has very,

[00:33:26] Etienne: I have very long fingers. But I think it had just got up into this special spot, where, and I was already swollen. So it was like the perfect storm of, it's not happening.

[00:33:38] Etienne: But I did. Finally, finally, I called him to actually try. 'Cause I thought, well, let me see your fingers. Like, so that made him put his fingers up against my hand. Are your fingers longer than mine? Should you try to get it out for me, but it turns out, I think my fingers were longer than his, so he couldn't help me.

[00:33:54] Etienne: And I, yeah, I eventually just pushed so hard and I, I pushed my hand, like up into my body as hard as I could against my pelvis to like get it to go further than it, it should ever. And I, I hooked enough of my finger around it and pulled and I got it. But, there was a solid 15 minutes where I thought, this is not coming out, and I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna die of embarrassment if I, but I mean, at least it's a sex toy and it's not like, you know, something odd. Yeah. Like this is meant to be used like this. And obviously I needed ones with some kind of rescue device, like a ripcord of some kind that I could use with these to get them out. Uh, but that was painful. Like there was nothing going on down there for the rest of the night 'cause that was, I hurt myself getting that out. Yeah. And throw those away. Yeah. I never, never ne that's never happening again. Mm-hmm. No, not in this body.

[00:34:49] Heidi: Yeah. I would be there with you. No way. No thanks.

[00:34:53] Etienne: Super, super embarrassing. Heidi, you don't have another story. You must

[00:34:57] Heidi: I, I do,

[00:35:00] Jane: Here we go.

[00:35:01] Heidi: I have a few. So, okay. As we get older,

[00:35:05] Etienne: Oh, no.

[00:35:06] Heidi: stuff dries out, right? So I was using the vaginal moisturizer stuff, right? This is with the first guy I dated and had sex with after separation. And apparently if you haven't used, it's like putting lotion on your vaginal walls, right? If you haven't been lotioning up stuff, stuff's gonna slough off, right? Like old

[00:35:33] Etienne: Oh, no, no, no, no. I did not know this.

[00:35:36] Heidi: had the craziest chunks come outta me because it was basically the lotion plus my skin that had sloughed off because it's like the lotion kind of renews things inside. So it, you're, I mean, things end up being really nice down in there, but when you first start using it, it's like you're creating your own lotion

[00:35:58] Etienne: Wow.

[00:35:59] Jane: Wait a

[00:35:59] Etienne: I do wait.

[00:36:00] Heidi: like.

[00:36:01] Jane: lubricant, it was treatment for

[00:36:04] Heidi: was, it was replens. So it's like just this gel stuff that you put up there. The kind of like

[00:36:09] Etienne: To keep yourself moisturized between sex. It's not really meant to be used with sex or anything.

[00:36:14] Heidi: No, no. Yeah, just between sex. So it's not lubricant, but it's like moisturize. It's

[00:36:19] Etienne: Okay. Interesting.

[00:36:21] Heidi: moisturizes things and keeps it all moist in there.

[00:36:23] Etienne: I have to ask one more question. I mean, she asked the first question, so I have to ask a question now too. So, had you had sex since your ex when you did this, or had you not been doing anything, was this like the first, you know, experience?

[00:36:36] Heidi: first experience

[00:36:38] Etienne: might be why.

[00:36:40] Heidi: Yeah. Well, okay, so we had been having sex

[00:36:43] Etienne: Oh, okay. So no

[00:36:44] Heidi: but the skin had not sloughed off yet. So when, yeah, this particular

[00:36:53] Etienne: I am scared.

[00:36:54] Heidi: session.

[00:36:55] Etienne: Mm-hmm.

[00:36:56] Heidi: He gets up to go to the bathroom and I see his bed and there are just chunks. And it's not like the 

[00:37:05] Jane: Oh boy. 

[00:37:05] Heidi: cottage cheese of yeast infections. It looks like lotion, like moisturizing cream, like kind of more solid.

[00:37:13] Etienne: Wow.

[00:37:14] Heidi: I'm like grabbing all these chunks and like just so embarrassed because I'm like, oh my God, what? What is this? I mean,

[00:37:22] Etienne: But I immediately, I would immediately be thinking then too, is it all over his penis? Is he seeing this in the

[00:37:28] Heidi: oh

[00:37:28] Jane: Oh, oh, oh. Oh, 

[00:37:30] Heidi: I didn't even 

[00:37:31] Jane: oh, you don't know.

[00:37:32] Heidi: yeah

[00:37:33] Etienne: Did he not say anything, Heidi? Oh, no.

[00:37:35] Heidi: he didn't say anything. I didn't say anything 'cause I collected it all

[00:37:38] Etienne: I feel like it was on his penis.

[00:37:43] Heidi: Maybe that's why things didn't work out. I

[00:37:44] Etienne: Oh no

[00:37:46] Heidi: I'm

[00:37:46] Etienne: was that the last time.

[00:37:48] Heidi: No, no, no.

[00:37:50] Etienne: Oh God.

[00:37:50] Heidi: But I just want people to be aware that

[00:37:53] Etienne: Don't use

[00:37:54] Heidi: that happens, like, well, no, use it, but don't let your skin slough off, I guess. Give it a few weeks for the skin to slough off.

[00:38:02] Etienne: Um.

[00:38:03] Jane: If you go on to Amazon, I couldn't help it. I was like, I need to see reviews and I'm looking, I looked up Replens, the same thing you said, vaginal moisturizer on Amazon. The AI consensus of reviews as like customers say. And then it was just like, mixed feedback. Some saying it lasts several days while others find it doesn't last long. And several customers report issues with white clumps.

[00:38:24] Heidi: yes.

[00:38:24] Jane: And I was just like, and there is a photograph,

[00:38:28] Etienne: No.

[00:38:29] Jane: I mean, not of a vagina, but of some woman with her finger. Like, what? You know,

[00:38:34] Etienne: Oh my God.

[00:38:35] Jane: This is an issue. So.

[00:38:37] Heidi: But everything I read, 'cause I read up in it, the explanation that was given was it's your skin cells. It's almost like, if your face was all dried and patchy and sloughy and you finally put some Vaseline or

[00:38:50] Etienne: yeah, it rubs off all the dead

[00:38:52] Heidi: And it rubs off all the old stuff. And you're like, you get fresh

[00:38:56] Etienne: Yeah. 'cause you just had

[00:38:57] Heidi: stuff that comes off is the old skin.

[00:39:01] Etienne: This

[00:39:01] Heidi: that's what's happening inside. Yeah. So

[00:39:05] Etienne: I will never use that. Will never, ever, ever.

[00:39:10] Heidi: It is fantastic for middle-aged women, but just let yourself slough off before you have sex

[00:39:17] Etienne: maybe you should use like a dildo or something. Make sure you get the dead, like let that stuff settle in and then use that on your own to get all, you

[00:39:25] Heidi: it a couple weeks to,

[00:39:26] Etienne: a couple weeks. Whoa

[00:39:28] Heidi: Yeah. I would say a couple weeks. Yeah. Yeah. Let it do its thing. Moisturize and slough off, and you'll have a brand new vagina that's gonna be all moisturized and ready to go. But yeah, give.

[00:39:40] Etienne: Heidi, that man was in that bathroom going, what kind of leprosy does she have in her vagina?

[00:39:46] Jane: they dunno about discharge and

[00:39:49] Etienne: No, he is like,

[00:39:50] Jane: what is, what's 

[00:39:50] Etienne: he is probably doing one of these too. What's happening? Little sniff test going. Yeah, I don't know

[00:39:58] Jane: What if he thought it was him?

[00:40:00] Etienne: Ooh, yeah. He's like, why, why does my come look like rice pudding? I don't understand.

[00:40:05] Jane: you know what? He might've thought that, but yeah. I really do like your recommendation though, of like before you practice with a real person, maybe put a dildo in there and have a private exfoliating session.

[00:40:18] Etienne: That's a good idea too because I have, I've basically into a virgin again over here, so like I'm, yeah. If I am getting, needing to, or I think that's coming up in the time again,

[00:40:29] Heidi: We'll start, start, start doing it.

[00:40:31] Etienne: need to, need to do it myself by myself.

[00:40:35] Heidi: I do, I do highly re recommend it. It did help. It just, yeah. There's an awkward phase where you start sloughing off and you're making

[00:40:43] Etienne: But hold on. Did you start your patches? 'Cause you were talking about starting your hormone replacement patches. So if you start your

[00:40:49] Heidi: Yeah. I'm doing that now, so I may not need

[00:40:52] Etienne: Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Like you're not gonna need it. And I know, Jane, you were talking about, you were starting your lotion, right? Like.

[00:40:57] Heidi: I dunno, it adds to experience. 'Cause if you're moisturized down there, like it just, I don't 

[00:41:02] Etienne: God. 

[00:41:04] Heidi: It feels better. I dunno. 

[00:41:06] Etienne: This is a scary, I don't want anybody to think I have, you know, some kind of what is happening with me. She's got cobwebs. She's got

[00:41:16] Heidi: it, it's, it really is temporary. It, it doesn't last forever.

[00:41:20] Jane: Now 72% of the people who gave reviews of this product on Amazon, five stars, 72%, and so many people reviewed this like it was.

[00:41:33] Etienne: Oh gosh.

[00:41:34] Jane: It was like thousands, over 12,000 customer reviews on Amazon of this Replen cream. 

[00:41:41] Jane: a lot.

[00:41:42] Heidi: of people love it. Yeah. I like it. I'm just saying that there is, I wish I had been warned I was making chapstick

[00:41:51] Etienne: Oh my gosh. Or you could warn the man if you know this is a possibility, you can go, Hey, so I use this stuff and it may look a little odd after intercourse like

[00:42:02] Jane: This is where the dildo has to happen beforehand. You need to know. No man wants to hear that explanation. He's gonna think that you 

[00:42:10] Etienne: wanna put his penis in there. I'm telling you. Yeah.

[00:42:12] Jane: or he is gonna think that that's just like a preemptive thing. Like I actually do have a raging yeast infection, but I want you to think that it's from my vaginal moisturizer I 

[00:42:21] Etienne: My vaginal moisturizer. Oh my God.

[00:42:24] Jane: Well let this serve as a PSA to folks. It's a great product, but do your homework and then do the pre thing, and I think that that might 

[00:42:32] Heidi: Don't be embarrassed. Yeah. Don't find yourself with like chunks of white matter everywhere or,

[00:42:37] Etienne: Oh my

[00:42:38] Heidi: no, it was like. Wet. I'm trying to think of what it was like. It was kind of like a waxy, wet

[00:42:45] Etienne: Oh my God.

[00:42:46] Heidi: toilet paper. Consistency

[00:42:49] Etienne: Is that what it looks like in the picture, Jane?

[00:42:53] Jane: Yeah, look like crumbly pieces of toilet paper.

[00:42:55] Etienne: Oh gosh. Okay. Yeah. Makes sense.

[00:42:58] Heidi: yeah.

[00:42:58] Jane: And it was just on the woman's fingers. She was probably just like, what is happening? But now you have told them. So thank you, Heidi. You have done a good service today.

[00:43:06] Heidi: I had to be traumatized trying to have a good

[00:43:11] Etienne: Well, thank you for 

[00:43:12] Heidi: I'm seeing and I'm destroying his bed with

[00:43:15] Etienne: I am. I'm so glad. 

[00:43:17] Etienne: So we've learned today,

[00:43:19] Jane: Yes. So

[00:43:20] Heidi: have 

[00:43:21] Etienne: do not let anybody assist you on going down on them after you've had a full lunch or meal of any kind. Yes. And don't use your replens.

[00:43:32] Heidi: right before sex

[00:43:33] Jane: And always make sure that you have flossed really well before going down on someone, and then you'll know a hundred percent that if you find anything in your teeth afterwards, it's not you, it's him. Run. 

[00:43:44] Etienne: Well, I did wanna say, 'cause I know you said that he was the only uncircumcised man that you were ever with and I've had plenty of both, much more circumcised since I am American. But, yeah, men from a country where having uncircumcised penis is more common, know all of the ways that they're supposed to clean themselves.

[00:44:04] Etienne: It's not as common in America for men to know how to properly take care of themselves because their fathers probably were circumcised. So they don't have the talk of like, you need to pull the foreskin back. You need to wash completely. You need to dry it completely. You need to like, there's all these things you're supposed to do special for it, and if you don't, bad shit happens. So.

[00:44:24] Jane: All right. Well that makes sense because he was raised by a single mother. He was born in England, but lived in the United States for most of his life, and he is the youngest of three kids. And the two older kids are both daughters, like

[00:44:36] Etienne: There you go. He had no idea how

[00:44:38] Jane: So the mom probably just never gave him the talk because she was like, I don't have this equipment. I don't know what's happening.

[00:44:44] Etienne: No. Yeah, I feel bad 'cause there was a guy, there's been two uncircumcised men that I've been with who were uncircumcised and they did not know how to properly clean themselves and they got punished for me because of that. But yeah, like one, he was not allowed to have sex with me again without a condom.

[00:45:02] Etienne: And we were together for two years and yeah, he was not allowed, and I did not go down on him because I know he got a yeast infection from me and I went and I got treated and he refused to get treated. And I said, all right, then just go to the doctor. So he did, he went to the doctor. You know what he did?

[00:45:18] Etienne: He did not tell the doctor that he was uncircumcised. She said it was, she said it was impossible that he had a yeast infection. And I'm like, did she know you were uncircumcised? Uh, I don't know. I'm like, Jesus Christ. She obviously assumed you were circumcised and then yes, it would be nearly impossible for you to have yeast infection, but because he has a nice moist place

[00:45:39] Heidi: Yeah, exactly.

[00:45:40] Etienne: He was not cleaning properly and I got one. So he got mine and then he kept giving it back to me. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not gonna go to the doctor every month and get pills to get rid of this, and you're gonna keep giving it to me. You have to. Yeah. So he had to wear condoms for two years.

[00:45:56] Jane: Several PSAs

[00:45:58] Heidi: have been itchy.

[00:46:00] Etienne: You would think it would've been itchy. Yeah, you would think it was. I don't understand why it wasn't itchy, but

[00:46:06] Heidi: that's crazy.

[00:46:07] Etienne: Yeah, he may still have it.

[00:46:17] Heidi: There's like a retirement home for the yeast. They're like living out their old age

[00:46:23] Etienne: Oh

[00:46:23] Heidi: like, this is the best location we've ever lived

[00:46:27] Etienne: Oh no. He must have finally gotten that taken care of. There's no way. But I mean, it is quite possible. Still have it

[00:46:34] Jane: Untreated yeast infection. It is like penis muffins at this point. It's just like I baked you something like that's 

[00:46:42] Etienne: Oh gosh, no.

[00:46:45] Heidi: Penis pastries.

[00:46:48] Etienne: They're all white and they look kind of like what came outta Heidi's vagina.

[00:46:56] Heidi: Yes.

[00:46:56] Jane: Oh yes. And scene.

[00:47:01] Heidi: That's our show you've been listening to, the Women are Plotting. If you have a story you'd like to share or have any comments, we'd love to hear from you. Email us at info@thewomenareplotting.com and of course you can find us on all the socials. Thanks, and until next time, be safe and be excellent to each other.