Episode 17: People Show You

In this episode my friend and Gemini twin, Daphne Maidstone, Goddess of the Universe, joins me to talk about how people show you who they are through actions. Words often can be used to distract those of us who want to believe, but in the end watching what people do shows the truth. 

Daphne Maidstone is a Writer & Bohemian and Law of Attraction Practitioner
who spreads happy magic throughout the universe!
Facebook.com/daphnemaidstone
Instagram.com/daphnemaidstone

To learn more about me and to purchase my book that outlines all of the topics I share about parenting, organization, wellness, leadership, and life skills, visit www.kristynlee.com.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Welcome to the Show Me the Baby podcast. This is your host, Kristen Lee. I am here to share and expand on topics outlined in my book, Show Me the Baby. Short and sweet tips on parenting, wellness, organization, leadership, and life skills. Why Show Me the Baby? My lifelong friend and mentor never had the patience for lengthy explanations. His mantra was don't tell me about the birth, show me the baby. What I am sharing are brief, to-the-point lessons that I have learned, advice that I was given, or information gathered from others. I want to share my experiences to assist you in navigating parenting and life. The episodes are based on some of the subjects covered in my book and are unscripted, sometimes going in a direction that wasn't planned, but I think makes them more interesting. My goal is to expand on each theme, keeping in the Show Me the Baby way in 15 minutes or less. For a complete list of all the topics I discussed, you can purchase my book, ShowMeTheBaby, at Amazon.com. For more information about me and a link to purchase, go to my website, kristenlee.com.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

That's K-R-I-S-T-Y-N-L-E-E.com.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

Today, my Gemini twin, Daphne Maidstone, goddess of the universe, who is a writer and a law of attraction practitioner, a mouthful, is here again to join me today on this episode, and I'm excited to have her back. Welcome back.

SPEAKER_02 2:03

Thank you for asking me.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Yes, we we we could not do this. We could not do this because it was so much fun the last couple we've done. So the topic for today's podcast is people show you. People show you. So Daphne, goddess of the universe, what do people show you?

SPEAKER_02 2:24

They show you who they are, but we have to pay attention and we have to listen. Listen to what? Listen to what they're actually saying sometimes versus what they actually do. So are they showing action by their words? Or are they not doing anything?

SPEAKER_01 2:49

And I in in the past podcast we have shared that we're similar. We don't need to say our ages, not that I care, but we're we're of similar age, which means we have more, well, we have lots of many more years of experience than we did. Well, even five years ago. I mean, there's always learning. I feel like that's one thing that I hope it never stops, is that we are continually learning. But some of these lessons sometimes I think I don't need to learn another one of these lessons, but they, you know, often they still come. But I think I feel like now I don't, I mean, and I I feel like you're in this kind of headspace or feelings too, that I think I'm better adept at catching the BS as they say, when when probably 20 years ago, or you know, depending on the situation, I probably really wanted to believe what a person said to me because I wanted to believe it. Yes. For sure. For sure. Yeah, so so tell me, tell me about I I can tell you kind of have some thoughts in your head, or maybe an experience you want to share, or experiences that you might want to.

SPEAKER_02 4:04

Well, there's too many to discuss today in our in our short meeting. In our short meeting, yes. Uh but well, there's just so many. It could go from friendships to potential romantic partners, dating partner. I mean, just so many. And I think uh uh let's say in in the romantic arena, right? You meet someone new, they want to impress you. Yes, it's natural, you want to do the same. So may maybe m maybe they don't say things that are a hundred percent true, but later, when you find out, hopefully it's sooner rather than later, but when you find out maybe they weren't a hundred percent truthful about certain things, you I guess you have to decide what things were they not truthful about? Were they fatal things?

SPEAKER_01 5:04

Deal I call those deal breakers.

SPEAKER_02 5:06

Yeah, were they Yeah, were they deal breakers or or or were they not? Did you know they were really doing that just to impress you? Or maybe they thought it wasn't gonna go anywhere. So they're just like, ah, might as well say like I own a house here and you this for a job.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

Thinking it's never gonna get any further, and maybe it gets further than what the person thought, and they've already gotten kind of caught up in some untruths. Right. Better known as lies.

SPEAKER_02 5:36

Yes, pretty much, yes. Otherwise known as lies.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Lies, lies.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

They're everywhere.

unknown 5:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

And I can certainly see, and this is going, I mean, for me back a long time, but you know, during the day years of dating, I'm trying to think what what what oh I can I know, I've got a good example. Uh somebody that I was dating at the time and I was young, young, young, like out right out of high school. They kept from me that they were um, they were a person was a smoker, a cigarette smoker.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

And I and I absolutely remember the person bringing it up or brought up the topic, and I'm sure knowing me, I I said, Oh, I you know, people smoke, people smoked way more back then than they do now. But it's still like I I really was never around cigarettes, and I did it probably more than anything, it was the smell. Like, yeah, I didn't want my butt and and again back then in restaurants on airplanes, uh smoking was allowed inside. Yeah, it was everywhere, and I hated the smell it would get in my hair, and yeah, so the person lied to me that they were a smoker, and oddly enough, I never smelled it, which is weird to me. Right. But I found out like months later, the person, and we had been dating for months, and then I found out the person was a smoker.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Yeah.

unknown 7:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:01

I had a similar situation with the smoking, and I also was trying to figure it out. Like, how did I not know that they were smoking? I mean, how do you do that? Did I how did I not how did I not smell it? So maybe they were, I'm like trying to think now. Were they always chewing gum? Were they like getting easily agitated because they needed a cigarette? Like the whole time they were with me. It's like I don't know. Maybe I thought that was just their personality to act that way. Like I I I don't know. I couldn't figure it out. But yeah, how did I not know? But boy, that set up the stage for a lifetime of of other occurrences that were beyond smoking, right? Yes, you know, when when they show you who they are, yes, right? And well, they were trying to hide the smoking, right? In this instance.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

Absolutely. And then and then and then by the time I figured it out, or I I think I I caught I caught him. I got I I was it was like an unexpected, I showed up at where he was working and he was standing outside smoking a cigarette, and I walked up and I looked and he threw it on the ground, and then he tried to justify, like, oh, I don't normally do this, but I had a I had a blah blah blah, and I just thought, and then, and then that cycled into, well, I'm really trying to quit. I really want to quit. But again, looking back, and I was I was very willing and open at a young, younger age to to believe, to believe all that to be true. Right. When I should have just really listened, listened to the lie, the action that he lied from the get-go. Like, and again, I don't know how it started, meaning I don't think, I mean, I I wouldn't ask the person, oh, do you smoke? I would have never asked that question. But when somebody hides it, obviously he knew I wouldn't be in favor of it. And maybe he asked me a question, like, what are what are things you wouldn't want? And if he asked me a question, would you date a smoker? I would have said no.

SPEAKER_02 9:13

Right. See, back then I would have said, I don't care if you smoke. You wouldn't like you know, back then I've never smoked. I hate it. Yes, and I hate smelling it. My dad smoked the whole time I lived at home when I was a child, and I was just used to it. Yes, but I had allergies a lot, and I figured out that was probably a big reason why. Oh, I'm sure it was right. I mean, he wouldn't have done that on purpose to make me sick.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

No, but back then the inform I mean, the information that people had was way different. I mean, my mom told me, and you and I were born. We actually she texted Daphne texted me the other day and that said, Were you born in blah blah blah hospital? Yes, I was. So we were born in the same hospital. I knew it. She said I knew it at the text in the same hospital, a week apart, about a week apart, about a week apart from each other. But my and I digress, but my mom said when she would go to see the doctor when she was pregnant, and back then there really weren't gynecologists, I don't think it was just just the doc uh doctor. Um, and again, this was 50 plus years ago. Um, he would be in his office at his desk smoking. I bet I know what doctor that was. It could have been your mom's doctor probably. After the podcast, we'll have to yes exchange more notes. But but yes, so so smoking over the years has vastly changed with information. But again, however many years ago this was, I don't want to, you know, many years ago when still it was becoming, I would say, less socially acceptable then because it was starting slowly starting to be, you know, the the the the I don't know what you call them, the bands of pe the of not allowing smoking inside and all that. And and again, it that's a personal choice. But had the person said to me at the very beginning, I'm a smoker, do I know what I would have said? Would I've said, Well, I'm not gonna date you. Probably I liked him enough at that time. I and if he would have said, Well, I smoke, but I'm trying to quit, I probably at that point would have said, Okay, well, we'll still but that wasn't true either. He was not trying to quit because I'm pretty sure the person I'm talking about, I think he still smokes. Probably.

SPEAKER_02 11:33

I think so. Yeah, that's that's the thing. And you you have to think about why did they feel they needed to lie to you about it from the get-go. Why not just say, Oh yeah, I smoke, I smoke once in a while, or I'm a chain smoker, whatever it is.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

I smoke two packs a day. Right, correct.

SPEAKER_02 11:52

Own it. Why do we lie about anything about our personality? Just own it.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

And then if the person doesn't like it, then it's their choice to say no. That is right. But then I think once the lie started, then it just snowballs it into covering things up and then living like this double life because we were together many years.

SPEAKER_02 12:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:15

And and that double life kind of trickled in all other all other aspects. It really did. It really did. I wasn't that was this was not at all what I was planning to talk about, but it just comes out because what happens. It does, it does. So you obviously have experienced probably similar, not necessarily a smoking example I gave, but just the the Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_02 12:39

I mean, I just don't even know which scenario to bring up right now because there's there's just so many. I I mean, my gosh. So, so many.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

Okay, so let me go in this direction. If you now now that you know what you know, what would you tell? And you said it a little bit earlier when we first started, but what would you tell your younger self?

SPEAKER_02 13:02

My younger self would would tell myself. Well, well, you know, my older self would tell my younger self.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 13:10

Just because someone asked you out on a date doesn't mean you have to go.

SPEAKER_01 13:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 13:15

Just because someone asked you to marry them doesn't mean you have to say yes.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

Or if you say yes, you can change your mind.

SPEAKER_02 13:27

That's right. You don't have to go through with it. Oh, you can change your mind. You can, you can, but not even that, you know. Someone, when I look back at my friends, I have a group of friends, we're still friends. From high school, yeah, and some grade school, but as we've grown, you know, with work, college, everything else, we just added to that. So we have more friends. So that was a nice base, you know, a nice base of friends that we had. And then it just grew. Uh, you know, as we got older, we we got more friends and more acquaintances. And, you know, I I know the same with you. You know, you've got work and school friends and this and that. You you have all those friends, but that doesn't mean you have to stay close friends with every single person for your entire life. Maybe someone did you wrong, right? Maybe they showed you who they are. Maybe you didn't want to listen.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

Oh, I I I was thinking about that too, is that when you said own it, like like about the smoking example, when you said why wouldn't the person own it? I think I feel now looking back, I have to take responsibility in that too. That when people show you who they are through their actions, when they're incongruent and their words don't match their actions, and I keep going back and taking more of it, that's my fault. Right. Like that's my fault. Because if I just want to go blind eye and oh, it's gonna be, and if the person just keeps over and over and over, which I can think of like you, many examples where the person, you know, keeps saying, I want to be different. I want to be the person you want me to be. I'm working really hard to be that person, whether it's, you know, I can think of a professional example where I really believed in this person who was working for me. Right. And I kept trying to lift the person up, like lift, lift her up and and and I feel like helping, I felt like she had low self-esteem. I she would have, you know, I think I feel that's what it was. But I thought if I keep encouraging and I keep giving different responsibilities, it's gonna make her feel better. And then just it just it always it never worked out, you know. And I think that and I had a a friend of mine who was kind of on the outskirts but knew the situation. And the person said, you know, I was changing the person's role from one role to another, and the person who was on the outside, who was a friend of mine but knew the situation, said, All you're doing is changing the problems from the front room to the back room, kind of, you know. So the same problems you had in the front of the the business, let's just say, sure, if you move that person to a different position to the back of the business, you're still gonna have the same problems. I mean, it's gonna be a it's gonna be it's a different role, but that that person's not gonna change. So the problems are still gonna be there. And he was absolutely right. Right.

SPEAKER_02 16:45

People change when they really genuinely want to make that change. And you know, I've tried to make certain changes in my life too, and some changes are easier to make than others. They really are. Some things are embedded into your psyche, and that's just how you are with certain things. But I don't think you are a liar. I mean, if you're trying on a dress and I like one better than the other, and one looks really bad on you, I'm not gonna say that looks really bad on you because I think that's mean. No. I'm gonna be like, oh, that one, you know what, that one just looks so good.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

Yes. And you and you don't even have to say anything about the other one. And that's not a lie. That's no raising. Correct. But I'm saying, again, people show you you are not. I I and and we're kind of getting into a obviously a lying thing, which is another topic of my book, but but you know, I think most of us will lie most often, I hope for me, and I think you're the same way, to protect somebody's feelings, not to hurt somebody. And then you have all those other lies that are, and this is a whole nother podcast that we could go into, but but again, it also is that people show you and and us taking our own responsibility of if we keep listening and the person keeps acting and and the and incongruent where their words don't match their actions, we have to take responsibility for that to stand up and say, Okay, okay, I'm done with that, however, however that rolls out. I mean, I guess it depends on the situation.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

I mean, it's sometimes and it's hurtful. I mean, you you can't you can't change who your family is, right? You can't. No. But you have friends who are also like family too. So I mean, you you can decide if you want to hang out with certain family members all the time or not, and they can make the same decision about you too. So, you know, true, know they're there, just accept them for who they are, and you decide how close of a relationship you're gonna have. Just because you were close at one time doesn't mean that you have to be now, or just be, you know, may maybe you were close at one time, but for whatever reasons, work, life has just kind of taken you away from each other. It still doesn't mean you don't love that person, still doesn't mean that you don't respect them, doesn't mean you're mad at them in a lot of scenarios. Correct. It just, you know, life just took you different directions and you still care about that person. You want them to be a success. Yes. So it just still depends on how you look at it.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

Yes. And then there are other relationships that you depending on the severity, that you can just say, yeah, if I never have any contact with you again, it'd be okay. Yeah, it'd be okay. It'd be okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:30

Like my life would might be better with just no contact. Like, maybe I wouldn't I wouldn't miss you. You know, I don't mean you. Yes. You you know what I mean? It's like uh okay, I do have I do have a a short, short example. So let's hear it.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

I've been waiting. So I waited.

SPEAKER_02 19:48

I have I have a friend, someone I've known a really long time, that I still love this person, but a time in my life, I I think we had we had a disagreement about something. It was probably something stupid now, it was years ago. But I think back on that, how could I have acted differently? Well, you know, I could have done some things differently, but at the time that time in my life when we had the conflict, that person was the last person I person I was expecting it from. And I'm like, it's one more person that's just really hurting me right now. There I I've admitted it. Somebody's hurt me before. Oh my gosh, more than once. Maybe I've hurt someone too, and you know, I'm sorry. Really, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

But that was the that was there was a line that was crossed.

SPEAKER_02 20:48

There was there was there was a line that was crossed, and it's just like you not you. And I was shocked that it was that person, but I'm like, it's one more person.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

And that was the, as I said earlier, the deal breaker. It could have been the deal breaker of, and again, maybe had you had not all these other things happen, maybe that situation wouldn't have happened, but because all these other things, that's why that wouldn't happen. Right. And maybe had it been different, things would but that, but again, that's also life. I mean, how life kind of unravels that we cannot control often.

SPEAKER_02 21:21

I mean, and you can reach out so much and then be like, you know, maybe they're done, maybe I'm done. And maybe that's okay. And maybe that's okay, you know. And I do wish them the best in life. I really do. And I hope they're well. I do. I heaven forbid something happened to them. I'll be very upset. But I know that right now that's how things have to be. And that's the way it is. Yeah. And I I'm fine with that. I am content. You're at peace with it. I am at peace with it. You're at peace with it. Very much so. And we have to do that sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 21:55

Absolutely. Well, I can't believe this has flown by. But show me the baby time is up. Uh thank you for joining me uh on another episode that we discussed people show you. I think it was I think hopefully the listeners got gained some and I'm sure I feel like most everybody deals with this. They do. But but I think it's how you navigate it and how boy, I hope my daughters listen to this and realize it is a much younger age than I did. And don't smoke. And don't smoke. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. Thank you for listening to the Show Me the Baby podcast. And I hope you join me again for another episode. My book, Show Me the Baby, is available at Amazon.com. To learn more about me and a link to order, visit my website, kristinlee.com.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

That's K-R-I-S-T-Y-N L E E.com.