Episode 20: The Value of Family Meals

In this episode, my family friend Delaney joins me to talk about the importance of having meals together.  Delaney is the mother of a one year old and is already creating the environment for her daughter to become accustomed to having family meals together. While life can become busy with activities, we both feel that bringing our families together at the end of the day will not only create healthy eating habits, but also will make lasting memories.

To learn more about me and to purchase my book that outlines all the topics I share about parenting, organization, wellness, leadership, and life skills, visit www.kristynlee.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Welcome to the Show Me the Baby Podcast. This is your host, Kristen Lee. I am here to share and expand on topics outlined in my book, Show Me the Baby. Short and sweet tips on parenting, wellness, organization, leadership, and life skills. Why show me the baby? My lifelong friend and mentor never had the patience for lengthy explanations. His mantra was don't tell me about the birth, show me the baby. What I am sharing are brief, to-the-point lessons that I have learned, advice that I was given, or information gathered from others. I want to share my experiences to assist you in navigating parenting and life. The episodes are based on some of the subjects covered in my book and are unscripted, sometimes going in a direction that wasn't planned, but I think makes them more interesting. My goal is to expand on each theme, keeping in the Show Me the Baby way in 15 minutes or less. For a complete list of all the topics I discuss, you can purchase my book, Show MeTheBaby, at Amazon.com. For more information about me and a link to purchase, go to my website, Kristenlee.com. That's K-R-I-S-T-Y-N-L-E-E.com. Hello, this is Kristen Lee, and this is the Show Me the Baby Podcast. Today, my family friend Delaney, a family friend and a fellow horse lover, is joining me, and we are going to talk about having meals together. And Delaney picked the topic, and before we started, I said, I'm guessing you agree with me that having meals together is important. And she said yes. So tell me, welcome, first of all. Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming. Well, I'm excited you were willing to do it. So tell me when you read, and Delaney has read the book, tell me when what spoke to you. I mean, having meals together, probably knowing me, there was not a huge long there's never pages and pages in my book, but what resonated with you when you read that?

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Yeah, I loved the book. Um that was one of my favorite chapters. Um growing up, my family and I, we always sat down, had meals together. Um in the book, you said that your girls would sometimes be in bathrobes and hair natality. Which is true. Yes, that that was how some of our meals were um with horse shows and then my sister in volleyball. Um we were still down at the the table together. Um I definitely think it's important. I think there's a good communication that can happen with parents and kids.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Um I found a lot of I I found out a lot of stuff during family dinners. I'll tell you that.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

Yes. Yes, there is a lot, yes, but in a good way, I think. Um yeah, I think there's a lot of uh positive, especially coping skills too, you can learn at the table. Uh, you know, I know I talk to my mom a lot if there was ever like problems between my friends and I, I just talk about those and she would kind of, you know, bounce ideas like, well, maybe you should say this, or maybe this is what would be better. Um, and then even down to grades. We talked about grades like schoolwork. Um I I noticed a difference in like we I had a routine, I'd sit down at the table before dinner, I'd do my homework, and then I would have dinner, and then anything afterwards um that needed finished up, I could finish it up. Um yeah, uh mealtime is just really important to me. We do it now too with my daughter. Uh she's a year old.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

Yes, I she's a baby. I'm just saying, she's not quite a toddler because I a toddler, I I said a toddler the other day, and I thought, well, a toddler toddlers. Like I think of, you know, a little walker, but but yes, she's not, and she's not walking yet, correct?

SPEAKER_00 4:12

She is a little bit. Yes. She's taken about 10 steps on her own. But she does furniture walking now. She just kind of like bounces back and forth between the couch and the ottoman.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

Oh, well, so so yes, so so and and one of the other reasons, I mean, because I adore you, number one, but but number two, because I haven't had anybody on the podcast. I mean, I've had grandparents, I've had my children, I've had other parents, but parents of uh older children, but you're the first person I've had who has a little one. Yeah. So how does that I mean, she's not talking yet, but but you're starting that already with her and setting a tone, even at her age.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Yes. We started sitting at the table with her as soon as she could sit up on her own. We had a little bouncer seat, and my husband and I both said, we're like, family mealtime is so important to both of us. Um, even before we had her, every day after work, it didn't matter how bad of a day we had, we would sit down together at the dinner table. Even when we lived in our one-bedroom apartment in Charleston, we would sit down. So as soon as Eliza um could sit up on her own, we were at the dinner table together. Uh now she has her high chair, and the biggest difference I've noticed between her and talking to some other parents is she eats a big variety of food. She eats everything. I mean, she wants to try everything, which is great. It I mean, she has tried probably more food than I have, but she is such a good eater, and she will sit there even when she's done, and she just plays, we'll give her a toy. Um, it's it's pretty amazing how smart babies are and how they just want to do what you're doing. And I I just think it's something that's very, very important.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

And I and I think, and again, you're in the age range where I'm sure a lot of your friends are having children and have children in that, you know, baby to toddler age, probably a lot of them. And I and I um just from experience of talking to other people, I I don't I think there's been a loss of that, of the of the of the family, the dedication to that time. And I felt even, and I do, I remember there was a day and I had gotten a pressure cooker, and I thought that it's a you know, the commercial. Oh, I don't know if you've seen this commercials, but it'll say, Oh, cook cook meals in 15 minutes. And I thought, this is great. I can just throw it on there in 15 minutes, voila, it's gonna be ready. Well, it doesn't tell you it has to have you used a pressure cooker. I have not. It it does. My experience. I mean, there's certain things I think it's good for, but in my brain, I was thinking really 15. So the first time I used it, I was under the gun. I'm like home from a volleyball game with the kids. That's where we were. They both my girls played volleyball. And I thought, I'll have it all together. And it took it has to heat up. So you put the lid on and you snap the lid on. Well, it takes 30 minutes for the thing. So then it takes 30 minutes for the pr for it to become pressurized, and then 20 minutes, I was fuming mad. So I remember the days of, okay, why was I so upset? And I it, you know, and I think I said this in the book. Sometimes it was stressful because it was so important it was so important to me, and I wanted to do it right. And I was I was always worried about the kids and their schedules, and they're gonna, they're gonna, you know, they're they're gonna need to go to bed in an hour. But looking, same thing looking back. Sometimes it was crazy to try to do it, but I'm happy I did it. I mean, I it was it was sometimes high high stress, which I did to myself. I laugh now about it. But but yes, as as Eliza grows up, there's gonna be obviously more demands as you remember on your time and her schedule. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

And the activities that she wants to do. And I think the other thing too, even with the stress, what you're talking about now, it makes for a good memory. You can look back and laugh with the girls, and that there's some good memories of my mom setting off the smoke detector, trying new meals, or forgetting she made cookies or browners or whatever it was in the oven and they were almost on fire, or things like that. I mean, that's just family. I think a lot of family memories are made at the dinner table. Um, we even do family dinner, so it's Sundays now, but we have good family friends that come over, and then my aunt and uncle and cousin come over every Sunday. Um, and then on Wednesday we do family dinner with my Nana, and that's really nice.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

That's so special.

SPEAKER_00 8:39

Yeah, we love doing that. We go to her house. Um, she always makes an amazing dinner, she's an amazing cook. Um, and it's really a really good time. And I don't know, looking back and or looking, I guess, and 20 years from now, we'll look back on that and remember, and there's a lot of good memories there too.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

Yeah, and I think again, you're setting the stage. And as far as I I can speak to this just as you did about eating, and when you s you know, have a high chair and you you're sitting and and you're you're teaching her, there's so many lessons in that in in my experience. And that um of my two girls, I had one who would eat anything, and then the other who wouldn't. And so at my my I'm not gonna call it a roll. It was a roll. And I didn't make things that I feel like I I'll just say Brussels sprouts. I thought, okay, I don't really care for Brussels sprouts, and probably that's more of an acquired taste. So I didn't give like I don't know what more I I think Brussels sprouts can be pungent, I guess for me. So I didn't give I didn't make them eat those. But I would say based on their age, when they could understand, they had if even if they didn't like something, they had to take if they were she was three, she had to take three bites. Yep. We had that same rule. Yeah. If it's five, five bites. Yep. And it it was a battle. It was a battle with with and you're gonna figure out it was Hayden, she knows, it was Hayden. And it got I thought, why you know, why am I fighting this battle? And not long ago, she said, I mean, maybe two weeks ago, she said, I don't know if we were talking we might have been talking about somebody, I mean, it could be her boyfriend now, who won't eat things, he won't eat, he won't eat vegetables, any. And she said, and I don't know what his path, I've never asked, you know, did you not eat it when you know vegetables when you grew up? But I she said, I'm so thankful that you forced me and made me eat things because if you wouldn't have, I probably would just eat like pasta and cheese. Yeah. So I I think it's setting a tone, but I do recall one it got to the point with her that it was just you know, it's a f it was a fight a lot. And I would make her, you know, I would make her sit there and I said, okay, well, you're just gonna, you're gonna sit there until you and it's not gonna be cold, you're it's gonna it was broccoli. It's gonna be cold, and then you're not, it's gonna be horrible. And I even put a little bit of cheese on it. So it was like a um a standoff. It was a standoff, and I thought, okay, am I gonna force her to sit here? And I mean, she was old enough, she was like seven or eight. I mean, it wasn't like she was three, and she just refused to eat it. But in the morning, she was always it was the next day was pancake day, which was Sunday. I always did pancakes and waffles. And so I said, Okay, don't eat it. So the next morning we had pancakes, but before she ate her pancakes, I brought out the plate of broccoli.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

Yeah, I remember a couple, a couple long nights of sitting at the dinner table with the same thing. My parents, they would say, Well, if you if you want to go to bed, you can go to bed, but you if not, you're going to sit here. And there was the hours. It was a standoff. And it it took a while, but eventually, yes, I did finally cave.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

How do you feel about the standoff now that you're an adult and have your own daughter? Like, how do you? I mean, I'm sure then you were not happy. I mean, Hayden was not happy with the And I was at the time I was thinking, am I really gonna make this a deal? And I did. But I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

How how do you feel looking back that your parents looking back now, and now that I have a daughter, I think it was important. Um, I think the biggest thing is I work in healthcare. So food is very important, very nourishing for our bodies. There's a lot of studies coming out too uh sitting at the dinner table and eating, that you are less likely to develop like an eating disorder. So I think if your parents are encouraging you to eat healthy food, even if it's sitting at the table, but encouraging you to eat healthy food, nourish your body with healthy food, uh, you're really, I mean, in the future, you're gonna have a less you know, this you won't have as much of a negative association with food and body image and and things like that. I think that's really important. So not only, I of course I was frustrated at the time, but I think looking back, I think there's a lot of like positives with it. And it is really important for you to eat. Uh, even if you don't like broccoli, it's still there's a lot of vitamins in broccoli or Brussels sprouts or whatever it may be that that you need.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

Yeah, and I and I really, as the girls got, I we had those conversations about you know, the vegetables they hated, and I did not make them eat as they got older. I I just thought, okay, that's I can understand it. There are things like I mentioned, Brussels sprouts. If they're deep fried or, you know, they cook them really well now, I'd eat those. But but I I just thought, okay, everybody is different, but I'm also not gonna have green beans every day of the week either. Um and if there was a certain I knew there was, I can't remember now, but there was one vegetable that I I I negotiated. There was a a little bit of a negotiation. I mean, I wasn't gonna cook a whole I mean, I know some people who will make a meal for like the parents, and then they'll make a whole separate meal for the kids that consists of mac and cheese and like chicken fingers or something. I didn't I wouldn't do that, but I would cave on if there was a vegetable, again, this is sweet Hayden, that that she didn't really like, she would say, Can I just have cold carrots? And I would say, I, yes, that's fine. That's fine. Now I wouldn't let her do it every time, but if there was one, and I again it's been long enough, I can't remember what that one vegetable was, but I would say, okay, well. And then of course she'd say, Well, can I have them with a bunch of dipping sauce? And I would say, Okay, you can have like, you know, a dop of dipping sauce, but but I think it does come in. And it's and it and it probably thinking now as I'm talking about it, that is a negotiation, which is teaching her a skill. You know, she figured out, okay, my mom is not gonna let me, you know, get away with this. So what could be the alternative? And I was willing to to listen to it, and she was uh gave a very rational reason, and I I understood that. But the pancake thing on the Sunday, that was a game changer because I'd never done it and she came back and she loves she loved the sweet stuff, like what most kids do. I mean, most kids do, most people do. I mean, and um once she realized that the broccoli showed back up that morning, and I heated it. I said, Oh, I mean, I'm not, I I you don't have to eat a cold, I'll heat it back up for you. And sh then that that that changed things. After that, I think she accepted this is how it's gonna be. I might as well just eat it and be quiet because I don't want to see it in the morning. It's easier to eat at night than it is first thing in the morning before you have pancakes. So that that that really made a difference looking back because I it sticks out in my mind. But and we also, I mean, as horse people, um, having it's very similar in the sense of you and I were talking about I needed hay for the horses because the hay that I had was well, it had a weed in it that one of the horses was having trouble with, which it's not it doesn't matter. Couldn't feed the hay. But for people who probably don't have the experience or think about it, all horse hay, all hay is not equal. And I was trying to explain to my dad, because he thinks hay is hay, and if a horse is hungry enough, a horse will eat it. Well, some will and some won't. But also I said, I don't I said, Dad, it's like, do you want to eat? He probably would, do you want to eat fast if you ate fast food every day, how would your body feel compared to if you ate a healthy, balanced, nutritious meal? It's not it's it's two different things. And I said, I don't want to feed the horses fast food every day. That's not what I want. I wanna feed them something nutritious, they'll last longer, they're they're you know, they'll have less health, fewer health issues, fewer, you know, weight gain, and horses are now getting that cushions and all that from I think that's a sugar thing, isn't it? Sugar, high sugar diet, because a lot of grain has, I think, a lot of sugar in it. But but anyway, I digress. Which I always do. I always do. I always do. So um because Eliza's one, do you feel like she's I mean, is she giving you any she doesn't really push back on anything at this point? And she's young enough, it would be I mean, I'm guessing you're not forcing her certain things, but you're just letting her experiment.

SPEAKER_00 17:45

Yeah, we offer her a lot, whatever we make, we feed her. Um, of course, like salad, we're not giving her l leaves, lettuce, but we will make just our normal uh food, and then we'll let her try everything. She'll make a face. It's pretty funny. When she doesn't like something, she'll make a face. She usually goes in again and she'll continue to eat it and just make these funny faces. But she's pretty good right now. There's really nothing so far. I say this, and then tonight she's going to be like, I don't want any of this dinner. She hasn't pushed back on anything yet. I know that time is coming. I think the pediatrician said around 18 months around that time, they'll start like really saying, you know, or pushing away or things like that. They're not. But right now we've been pretty lucky. I hope that continues. I know my my parents told me whenever I was little I used to eat a lot, and then I became a lot more picky. I Hayden and I, it sounds like we're a lot alike. So I hope she continues to try new things. Ryan is really good about trying new things, ordering. If we've got to eat, he orders the most crazy thing awesome. Just the menu. Just to try it. Yes. Uh so I'm hoping she has that attitude attitude towards food. I think where we do sit down and we make a home-cooked meal every day, that will help her. Um, and I don't know, just being with all the family around too. Like we have little cousins that run around, and if they have something in their hand, she wants it. It doesn't matter what it is, she has to have it. So I think even seeing other kids around her age eating things, that it encourages her to try more and hopefully not be super picky.

SPEAKER_01 19:26

Well, and and as we started the podcast, it's it's you know, it's multi-I mean, it affects children on so many levels, not only from eating healthy to learning to just sit and be part of a conversation, because even at her age, she's watching you and Ryan communicate. Yes. And that's creating a tone. And I think it brings for for me at the end, I mean, I looked, I really did look forward to family meals. And then it it just again brings everyone together. Um, and I don't know, it uh I think that, and I said this earlier, that I learned so much. And what I learned a lot didn't come from necessarily the girls talking to me, but they would talk with each other. So they would have the conversations and then they might, you know, pull me in or ask questions. But it also kind of made me, well, it did, it made me aware if there, as you mentioned, if there was an issue or a problem or a stress, they often would talk to each other about it because they're my girls are two years apart. And so that would give me kind of some insight to think, okay, tomorrow when I'm with one of, you know, whoever, I'm gonna, I'm gonna bring this topic up and just see what information they're, you know, she was willing to share. But I I do. I felt like it was something that binded us. And then and then we have all these memories of of stories and the broccoli and the I and I'll have to ask Caden if she remembers the broccoli before the pancakes. I bet she does. I bet she does. And I do. I'm laughing, but I'm thinking our listener's gonna think, wow, she was um she was very strict and mean, but I don't know. I guess I had it in my mind, obviously the way I wanted it. And and certain things going back, and you'll find this, like even though she's only one, do you go back already and think, oh, if I could do that again, I'd do it maybe a little different? Or I mean, she's young enough that maybe you don't have those feelings yet, but there's a couple things.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

Yeah, I'm trying to think. I feel like the first year of having a baby is just so hard. You're just trying, you're in survival mode, and uh there's I know there's something I would do different. Um, but yeah, she she turned a year old um a couple weeks ago.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

So I'll have to think on that one. No, that's I put you on the spot. I put you on the spot. And and I think that I've had a lot of years to process it, and I as I've gone through, and I and I think there's a lot of pressure. I feel like especially on younger moms to do, you know, to do it all right or and and there's all this information that's out there that I mean, I think it's good because there are a lot more resources than there used to be and a lot more access to resource, but that also can be kind of overwhelming at the same time, I think.

SPEAKER_00 22:16

So yes. Social media definitely plays a big part in parenting. And I really try to stay off of TikTok is the big one that's giving parenting advice, and that's the one I really try and just scroll past those videos because it's hard. You see you're comparing yourself and oh my their baby's doing this, is my baby going to do that? And I I really try to stay away from that side of TikTok just because I've seen it drive people crazy and they really worry and they go to their pediatrician and they're asking these questions, and every baby develops differently. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:54

And they they both the two of them were very different, even though you know they came from the same two people. They were very different. They were each their own person. And and I did very early on with Ava, I because she was having I don't know, I was worried, oh, was it some huge developmental issue in the pediatrician said well she wasn't talking much, and she was maybe two and a half. And he said, Does she have does she understand? And they would ask you, does she have five words? Does she have ten? You know, they'd start, does she have 30 words? No. Does she have 15 words? No. And so finally he said, when he saw the look on my face, he said, Well, does she understand everything you say? And I said, Oh yeah. Is she a firstborn? Yes. Is she the firstborn a grandchild in the family? Yes. He said, She doesn't need to talk. You guys are probably running around doing everything for her. And I said, That would be true. Yeah. So she's getting everything. She's figured it out. She's getting everything she wants. People are to her beck and call. Yeah. And she doesn't need to talk. But I was under this stress that she had this, you know, developmental issue. She didn't. She was just very smart. She figured it out. Anyway. Anyway. Well, thank you for joining me. Show me the baby time is up. And and I when we get in these conversations, I realize, wow, that went right really fast. It did go by very fast. Thank you for having me. Yes. Well, thanks for coming, and I appreciate your insight. And I hope you will join me again for another episode. Definitely. I would love to. Thanks. Thank you for listening to the Show Me the Baby podcast. And I hope you join me again for another episode. My book, Show Me the Baby, is available at Amazon.com. To learn more about me and a link to order, visit my website, kristinlee.com. That's K-R-I-S-T-Y-N-L-E-E.com.