Show Me The Baby
Short and sweet tips on parenting, health and wellness, organization, leadership and life skills from a mother and small business owner who wants to help others navigate life's challenges.
Show Me The Baby
Episode 21: Compliments are Free
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In this episode my friend and Gemini twin, Daphne Maidstone, Goddess of the Universe, joins me to talk about the power of noticing people and complimenting them. We walk this earth, often without being noticed. When each of us can look beyond ourselves to see others, it is an act of kindness that makes a difference. Compliments are free.
Daphne Maidstone is a Writer & Bohemian and Law of Attraction Practitioner
who spreads happy magic throughout the universe!
Facebook.com/daphnemaidstone
Instagram.com/daphnemaidstone
To learn more about me and to purchase my book that outlines all of the topics I share about parenting, organization, wellness, leadership, and life skills, visit www.kristynlee.com.
Hello, this is Kristen Lee, and this is the Show Me the Baby Podcast. I am welcoming again my friend and Gemini twin, Daphne Maidstone, goddess of the universe. Daphne is a writer and a law of attractions practitioner. Welcome again. Thank you so much. I think you are the record holder for the person I've done the most podcast episodes with. Oh no. Do I get a prize? I do have a little prize for you. I do have a little gift that I have over there in the corner. I'm excited after we're done to share those with you. Um so welcome. Thank you for joining me for another episode.
SPEAKER_01Thank you.
SPEAKER_00Um we talked before we started. We we do these very, we've been picking topics from the book very pretty quickly. Like we don't have, we don't plan ahead, which I kind of like.
SPEAKER_01Right, me too.
SPEAKER_00Because I think I might overthink things if I planned ahead and thought, oh, today we're talking about, you know, whatever. So in today's episode, we're talking about the topic compliments are free. They are free. They are. Thank goodness something in life is free that's good.
SPEAKER_01Right. Oh my.
SPEAKER_00And I and and we've been friends a long time, we've known each other a long time. And you, I notice, are very free and open about complimenting people. And and some some might say, oh, well, people compliment each other. Not not a lot. Not always. No, not as much as I think as I wish people would. Like no it again, noticing, noticing, just noticing the person and yeah, just noticing.
SPEAKER_01I mean I make it a point if I'm at the grocery store or just walking down the street and in the area where we live, you can look people in the eye. It's fairly safe to do that. You can talk to strangers. That's how we are in this part of the country where we live. So I mean, I it's probably different in different areas. Like maybe you wouldn't do that. Maybe people will be like, Why are you talking to me? Okay, so let's just clear the table and pre-say that.
SPEAKER_00Correct. You can't, but but it but whether, yes, and you're gonna give an example, but yes, I you're in, I I hear an example coming, but yes, you might not want to do this in certain parts of the world or country or I mean you don't know what's acceptable in different parts of the world, but I know where we are.
SPEAKER_01It's okay to talk to people. We talk to strangers all the time. Now stranger danger, now there you know. If you're walking down an alley at night, you shouldn't be walking down an alley at night to start with. No, no matter where you are. No, you shouldn't be doing that, you know. Stay away from people that you know don't make a friend in an alley at night. Yeah, like don't do that, right? We're just saying, kids, don't do it. Don't do it. But if I'm at the grocery store walking down the street, and I see another lady, and she's got like a cool bag, or she's got a cool coat, or something like that, or her hair looks really neat. Like the other day, I know a lot of people have purple hair right now, but I saw someone that was my age, I'm older than a college student, okay? But I saw someone that was my age, and she had her hair like this really bright purple, and it looked really cool. I'm like, your hair looks amazing. She's like, thank you. It's just, and it makes me feel good to do that because maybe no one has ever told her that. Maybe her family's given her, you know, grief over that.
SPEAKER_00Right, like, why, yes. Why is your hair purple? Why would you do that to your hair? What are you thinking? Yeah. But she obviously wanted to do it. Yes.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh, and this happened last summer. There was this younger girl, she was with her family. She looked like she was later high school age, and she looked like one of the kids that used to go to the MCR shows when I was a little younger, but probably older than them, right? All right, what's MCR? What's C? My chemical romance. A band I like.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yes, sorry.
SPEAKER_01Another band I like that's not squeeze, right? Yes. So I'm at one of the shows, and well, I'm at any show, and a lot of the kids would dress a certain way, more like goth type outfit. Well, this girl, we were at an event in town. Okay. In one of the towns around these parts. And none of the other kids were really dressed like this, but this girl looked absolutely amazing. She was like fairy-like. That's the only way I can explain it. And she was absolutely gorgeous. She just looked amazing, and I knew it took her some time to look this way. And she looked like she was kind of down. And I'm thinking, how can someone dress like that? And be down. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. And I just completely stopped when I saw her. And I go, You look absolutely beautiful. I'm like, you're gorgeous. And she just goes, She was so surprised.
SPEAKER_00And she said that makes me thank you.
SPEAKER_01And her mom's face lit up. And she looked at her and said, See, I told you.
SPEAKER_00Oh, and it takes and often it takes an outsider.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, because our moms, you hope our moms will say nice things. Yeah. And and and raise us up when we need to, but but when when an outside person who doesn't know you says something, how that can lift somebody up.
SPEAKER_01Right. Right. You know, a stranger. And I'm not a dangerous stranger. I'm not stranger danger.
SPEAKER_00No. Right. And you don't look dangerous. I know, but you gotta watch out for those. It's the I well, and I had a conversation with I think it was my dad. We were talking about manipulators. And I said somebody was that he well, he likes this person. And I and and I said, you know, just be careful. I think they could be manipulative. Just have your guard up. And he said, I don't, I why, you know, he was just kind of questioning me. I said, well, dad, the best manipulators often are the most likable. That's true. Or they wouldn't be successful at manipulating people often, in my experience. I'm saying from my experience. But but no, you don't look dangerous or manipulative.
SPEAKER_01And we're not gonna talk about anything political or in the news right now. Because I think whenever you're listening to this podcast, I don't care what year it is, what decade it is, right? There's gonna be something that you can relate to that's in the news. Yes. That is gonna fit with what we're talking about right now, and about people being manipulated. It's all over the news all the time. Yes.
SPEAKER_00And I think back to compliments, wherever you are, whatever, I think, yeah, I just think no matter the situation, whatever you might think, oh, are we on the same wavelength? Do we think the same thing? Who cares? If you can give someone a a compliment that is genuine, right, that it that you are not gaining anything from, the compliment is not going to get you anything. Those are the best, and and again, that's not that's not it's not a manipulative comp compliment. It's just seeing noticing someone and helping it to raise them up by something kind you say.
SPEAKER_01Raising someone else up with a free compliment that costs you nothing, also raises you up. It does. Think about it. And it's so simple. It is so simple, and you know, there's enough for everyone. I think that all the time there's enough for everyone. Like, why should I be jealous of someone if I'm jealous of someone for some reason? It's probably because I want whatever it is that they have. You know, I don't mean necessarily money or a car, you know, but you know, maybe I think, wow, they're beautiful. Why would I be jealous of that? I should admire that and say, you look amazing. You're beautiful. Why wouldn't I say that to someone else? It's true, right?
SPEAKER_00And maybe I'm just thinking about why more people don't give compliments. And I I I think so well, so many of us are multitasking all the time or thinking you're you're not it, you know, often your grocery store example. You're in the grocery store, you're thinking, Did I get all the stuff on my list? Did I get what I needed? I've got to do this after. I've got to do this after. And what and and your mind is going, going, going, and you're not even, I'm not saying you, but peep often as an example, people aren't stopping and being in the moment because I think if you are in that moment and you are noticing the person that's checking, you know, checking out your groceries, the cashier, the person that's bagging, you know, whoever, I mean, there's lots of self-checkouts now, but but just to stop and be in that moment and notice the person that's across from you or you know, down I mean, that you're having that interaction with and noticing something about them. Right. So I I I think that's sometimes I think why maybe and maybe people don't even think about it.
SPEAKER_01Well, you know, just in the grocery store or anywhere, no matter where you are, walking down the street, just looking at someone saying, Hi, you look great today, or hi, how are you? Because that's totally acceptable here. Yes. And and safe for the most part to do that again. But maybe you're the only person that's spoken to that all day person today or all week. You don't know people's situations. No.
SPEAKER_00Um, and I wasn't gonna it just made me th think of something that when my girls were young, um, and not and I'm just gonna make up ages, but let's say they were five and seven. And my I grew up on a farm, and my parents, as of now, still live at that farm, and it's you know 15 minutes away from where I live and where we live. But when they were young, we were out at the farm at least twice a week, three times a week. But one day I'm driving, and there are not that many cars on this road to get to my house. I mean, on an on a on an average trip on this main, the main the main quote main road that goes to my our farm, it is um, I may pass if I pass two cars, yeah, that's probably normal, you know. It's not very many cars. But this particular day, I think, you know, there were multiple cars. And so every time a car would drive by, I'm waving, you know, you wave. Right. And so after about the third wave, one of my kids said, This do you know every person? You must know every person that's driving by. And I said, actually, you know, no, I know none of them. Right. And they they were they were so surprised, like, why are you waving at somebody you don't know? And that's kind of like a compliment in a way, like a wave. It's an acknowledgement, a wave. And I said, Well, this is just what you do in the country because maybe you don't know that person, but you know somebody that they know, or it doesn't really matter, they throw up a hand, you throw up a hand, because it's a small community, and even though I don't know these people, chances are I know somebody that knows somebody that knows somebody, you know. And why not? Because a wave is free, a wave is free, compliments are free, but they they were just very caught off guard that I was waving at people. Right.
SPEAKER_01Well, for those of us where that that live at places where we have a front yard and a front porch, but you can see the cars go by, right? Yes. Okay, my parents' home is like that. You can see the cars go by. If you're outside and someone's going by, you wave. Yes. You don't know who all the people are, you just wave, and they usually wave back at you. You can tell they're an outsider if they don't wave back.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00Well, one and you started with early on about being in a community where it's okay to talk to strangers or wave to people. Right. I years ago, I my first trip to the big city, which was New York City. Um, I was you chose the big one. I chose the big one. Well, my my dearest, closest friend from um college lived in that area. So we made a plan, we went, and she said, Well, I'm thankful she did because I would have been my normal self because I'm I am a small town, I'm a small town girl, I've been to the big city, but my heart is a small town girl. So she said, Okay, we were on a train. We were on a train, and she said, Okay, we're gonna get on this train and you don't look at anybody and you don't talk to anybody, and you and you just and this was way before cell phones, so there wasn't really anything to look at. And I said, What? She said, Kristen, don't look at anybody and don't talk to anybody, and if you accidentally catch somebody's like gate, like a catch their eye, you look away. And I thought, this is the most bizarre thing ever. And I thought she was I thought she was setting me up and like you know making a joke. She said, I'm serious. She said, a lot of people that are on in the city, you just don't know what you're gonna get. And it's just you're it you're better, you're safer to just and I thought, how sad is this? Like how sad to live somewhere where you can't just look up and smile at anybody. And it was, and then I was totally stressed because I am not the I mean, you know me, I'm the type. If somebody looks at me and smiles, I'm gonna smile back like I'm not gonna so the whole it was I wasn't a long train trip, but like 40 minutes. I was just I remember sitting with my hands in my lap and my face down, just looking at my thumbs, thinking, what in the world am I gonna do with the whole 40 minutes? But that's what I did. And she was sitting next to me so I could look at her and we were talking, but but just how vastly different that was that 40 minutes without making eye contact with anyone but her, I don't think I could have done it. That's what she said. She said, and this was in the nine uh nineties, but uh I I just it really was a uh I guess alien, foreign, you know, foreign feeling to me. But that again, when you said that at the very beginning of the podcast, I thought, oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But back to compliments are free. Whether it's a stranger and and you know, even someone within our circle, I think sometimes those people, at least I'm speaking from my own experience, might go, what's the word, over overlooked. Like I'll get like my daughters. I really think about sometimes I'll think you get caught up in the parenting, and even though my girls are in their 20s, I'm still parenting them or guiding them in a way. You always will. I I yes, and I hope they're always open to me guiding them. I don't know, we'll see. We'll see. They will be. I hope so. But but I think often, do I tell them enough? Do I tell them enough, you know, pop positive things and and not just oh, you know, I like your hair, your hair looks pretty, but not you know, not things necessarily, I mean and that that I would say to a stranger if I like somebody's, you know, their hair or their clothes or you know, things that are kind of superficial that you see, but do I tell do I give them enough compliments that raise them up that really speak to who they are? And I I I do I do think about that, and I I I do work at it every day. I don't want to say I shouldn't say every day because that's not fair. That's not true. I don't work at it every day. I think about it often. I don't think about it every day, but I think about it often because I think as mothers, you do, and you're a mother of a of a younger right person, that you you can get often get caught up in the day-to-day or whatever it is, and then those people closest to you don't don't get the compliments either in there, you know, don't get the free compliments sometimes. That's true. So I was just thinking about that. I think about that often.
SPEAKER_01Well, compliments and and a thank you. Just the other night I was listening to my mom and my daughter, and I was in another room, but I could hear them bantering back and forth, and it was cute, and I was thinking, I I love the way they're interacting, and I am so thankful. I'm so thankful that they have that and that my daughter gets to know her grandma and vice versa because my you know, my parents are both retired and they help with babysitting for me, thank God.
SPEAKER_00Which is such a blessing. I I my mom helped with my girls too, and it was such a weight that was off of me when they were, and I feel like you're the same way because you know, other than you, yeah, that is the best place for her to be.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they'll they'll take good care of her. Yes. I mean, I have a couple other people, close family, that I definitely trust, of course, but you know, it's myself and my parents, you know, who are the core, yes, right there.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01So that's the small village that's raising raising my child. And I'm so thankful for that. And you know, that's a compliment. So it it really is, but just listening to them interacting and the things they were saying back and forth, and then I'll hear a giggle, and you know, and uh just uh just the way they communicate, and that's just something to really be for for me to be so thankful for that that I have that, and that's like one of the biggest compliments I could give anybody. You know, I trust them with my child, right? Absolutely, but just just listen to that, and I'm thinking, gosh, she's so great with her, she really is. You can get her to do things a lot of the times that I can't get her to do because she myself because she's grandma, yeah.
SPEAKER_00She's grand what does she call your mom?
SPEAKER_01Mama, mama, yeah, Mama Papa. Oh because you know her from here. It's mom mom.
SPEAKER_00I had a a friend who told me that her daughter calls her mom uh her mom uh Mima. And she said, I thought Mima! And I said, Oh, I think that's so endearing and cute. And she said, Well, when she first said it, I thought, oh my gosh, I she said I wanted something more like upper crust, and I said, What, like grandma? Never mind, Grammy. Grammy, but anyway, I thought it was cute. Well, the show me the baby time is almost up. Thank you for joining me for another episode. And as always, things went from the topic to multiple things, and that's just the way it is. And we'll, I think, sometimes also lay the foundation for when you come back and we talk about something else. It could be, you know, another topic that's connected to this one because there you go. Well, and I find too, when we're talking about different topics of the book that we were gonna talk about, so many are interconnected, meaning one runs into the other, and they're all kind of that same well, life. A lot of it's just life, life, and somebody said, Well, you know, a lot of it's uh of your book, it's you know, yes, it's common sense, but a lot of times it's that common sense I think that sometimes maybe isn't taught as much as it was taught when you and I were growing up either. Right. Because sometimes common sense things are taught. You know, sometimes it's just in nature, but or you know, but anyway, I digress another way. Okay. Thank you for joining me. I hope you come back for another episode of Show Me the Baby.
SPEAKER_01Thanks for having me here and get the book, it's brilliant.
SPEAKER_00Thank you.
SPEAKER_01You're welcome.