Episode 24: We are the Choices We Make

In this episode I welcome back my friend/Gemini twin, Daphne Maidstone to talk about how the choices we make lead us down the path to "the next thing."  During the podcast, I mention a Robert Frost poem that reminded me of our conversation.  I couldn't recall the details during the episode,  but the poem is called "The Road Not Taken."

The Road Not Taken

by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 

Daphne Maidstone is a Writer & Bohemian and Law of Attraction Practitioner
who spreads happy magic throughout the universe!
Facebook.com/daphnemaidstone
Instagram.com/daphnemaidstone

She could be your personal cheerleader. She is mine and I am so thankful. 

 "And that has made all the difference."  

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Welcome to the Show Me the Baby podcast. This is your host, Kristen Lee. I am here to share and expand on topics outlined in my book, Show Me the Baby. Short and sweet tips on parenting, wellness, organization, leadership, and life skills. Why Show Me the Baby? My lifelong friend and mentor never had the patience for lengthy explanations. His mantra was Don't tell me about the birth, show me the baby. What I am sharing are brief, to-the-point lessons that I have learned, advice that I was given, or information gathered from others. I want to share my experiences to assist you in navigating parenting and life. The episodes are based on some of the subjects covered in my book and are unscripted, sometimes going in a direction that wasn't planned, but I think makes them more interesting. My goal is to expand on each theme, keeping in the Show Me the Baby way in 15 minutes or less. For a complete list of all the topics I discussed, you can purchase my book, ShowMeTheBaby, at Amazon.com. For more information about me and a link to purchase, go to my website, kristenlee.com. That's K-R-I-S-T-Y-N-L-E-E.com. Thanks for having me. It's so exciting. Well, as usual, we don't plan, pre-plan what we're going to say because it's just way more fun not to, but we briefly spoke about the topic. Today's topic is, and from the book, we are the choices we make. Or are we?

SPEAKER_02 2:19

Well, we did briefly say for good or for bad. We did.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Well, where does that reside in you as we say we are the choices we make?

SPEAKER_00 2:31

I wouldn't be here today if I wouldn't have made certain choices, that's for sure. Very true. And here I am in this version of myself. But I can change it too, can't I? I can think of the choices I made in the past and be like, hey, I don't think I want to make that choice again. I don't want to go down that road again.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

And on the book, I don't know if you've noticed. I mean, not that you did. The back of the book is a poem by Robert Frost, Nothing Gold Can Stay. I'm pretty sure I would have to look. But I think he also did the poem something about two bro two paths. And if I would have chosen one path, you know, a road less traveled, something like that. My English background is a little fuzzy. But it's very much similar that as soon as you said the choice, you know, you know, this choice versus that choice, it's a path. Like every decision that we are, you know, we some decisions are made for us. Obviously, we don't have control, but the decisions we make, there's a path. You know, there's a path.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

One decision leads you down one path, and the other decision would lead you down the next. Right. Sometimes we're like, if I may say this, oh crap, what have I done?

SPEAKER_02 3:51

And you know, you get down the path, and then you think, well, there's no turning back now.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

No turning back now. So how am I gonna fix this? What have I done?

SPEAKER_01 4:03

Very true. And I said this once to my oldest daughter, and she was so offended. But I later I didn't realize I offended her, but the with what I I said, but I really hurt her feelings, and I, oh my goodness, I I said I it's not at all what I meant. But when I became pregnant with her, I remember she was planned. It wasn't like some big surprise or whatever. It was it was a relatively planned thing, meaning, okay, this is what we you know we're gonna do. And then when I became pregnant and the realization, I thought, oh my gosh, what have I done? Like I now not about being pregnant, but her father, you know, and then I don't want to, I mean, I'm not gonna go into much of it because I that's not fair and I won't don't want to do that, but but I knew at that moment, I knew at that moment, I thought, oh, he's not gonna be a good dad. Like, I don't think he's gonna be a good, like I don't think he's gonna be part uh someone who's capable of participating to the level that I would want him to. And that it hit me then. I looked in the mirror, I remember what the when I I just thought, oh my gosh, what and and not that I would ever and that's the path I took. I mean, I I made that decision, and I'm I'm obviously so grateful that I did. Right. But in that moment, I realized it was the realization there are problems ahead, and all I can do is forge through and figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Right. That's all you can do at that point. Yeah, yeah. And I think that story is so common with so many, with so many of us, and that's not a male bashing thing in any way. Sometimes it's it's the opposite situation, you know, where it's it's the female that maybe is not what you thought they were going to be in that sort of a situation.

SPEAKER_01 5:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:58

But yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

And again, I I just I just I know when I and I told her not that long ago, and I can't even think why it came up. And then it came back around, you know, we were talking and she brought it back up, and I said, Oh my gosh, no, that had nothing to it really had nothing to do with you. It was that it was the realization for me that I had been with this person for I mean, before I got was pregnant, I mean, we we'd been together years and years and years. Like if I thought about 13, 14 years, it's a long time. It's a long time. And we were just kind of on that trajectory. We, you know, did the did what you do. You start dating, then you do this, and then you do this, and then you get married. I mean, in traditional form. But it wasn't until I I was pregnant that I realized that, just that. Like, and and he, you know, probably he probably didn't even really maybe want kids and didn't tell me and just kind of went along with me too, which is is and I probably somewhere in me knew that. I knew that. I knew that. But but it's the choice. I made the choice to decide. I mean, we obviously together, but I think it was more me.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

Oh, I'm ready to have kids now, so let's just forage forward and see how it all works out.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

But when you think about it, oh my gosh, your daughter is supposed to be here. It it it's what would you have done without her? Oh, and you know, both of your daughters, what would you have done without them?

SPEAKER_01 7:22

And and and without him, there wouldn't be her. Right. So that and or or Hayden, both of them. I mean, and and so I have to be grateful and thankful. But again, it was just the realization we are the choices we make.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

We really are. Mm-hmm. And look at your life, and that's the path you chose, and look at the decisions you made since then as a result of that big decision.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

I mean, I think I don't know about you, but well, because you I can say you were you had children later in life.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

Or a child later in life. I still have child. I you still have child. I would still say child, very much a young child.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

You do, you do. But yeah, think how much different your life would be without her.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

I can't imagine that now. I wonder what I used to do with all of my time that I thought I didn't have.

SPEAKER_02 8:20

It's like you think you're busy before.

SPEAKER_00 8:22

And then and then children come along and you're like, how did I even like I was so not busy for decades of my adult life. Now I don't know what not busy is anymore. I know.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

And I know, and people who, you know, a lot of people I work with are now re, you know, they're retired, yeah, and they come to see me and they said, you know, I don't know how I worked before. But but as the stages as you evolve and whatever those decisions, whether, you know, you decide to retire, you are able to retire, whether you're young, retired, you know, a lot of people are retiring in their I mean, I have friends, several friends who are retired and they're in their we're in our mid-50s, and that's to me pretty young.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

And they say, Well, I don't even know how I even worked and got everything done just because the of now they've their schedule is different. And so when children come into the world, yeah, you realize just how much free time you had.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

Right. I mean, you know, if if we still want to make our mortgages and rent and have food and do something fun once in a while. Take a vacation. Yeah, a lot of us still have to work, we're not ready to retire. No, it's just it's just the way that it is right now. And that's okay. Yeah. You do what you have to do for as long as you have to do it. But I don't know how I have time to work, I'll tell you that right now. I really don't know.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

And yeah, I mean, we're we're talking about obviously child rearing and decisions like that. But then I also think of when we got out of high school and you make the decision like what will be the next decision, whether it's, you know, going out into the workforce and getting a job, whether it's going to further your education and and where, like where you end up. Like I made the decision after high school. I I was going to college and I stayed in our town to go to the college that's the university that's in our town. And how how different my life would be had I decided to go somewhere else for college. Right. And that's a big decision. I mean, for you too.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

I mean, you decided to stay close to the and I liked where I went to school. I I I liked the majors that I chose. And I'm gonna use the word thrive. I think I thrived where I went. It was a good fit, and I'm glad that I did what I did, and I was close to home.

SPEAKER_02 10:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

And I'm also gonna say, I was a girl, so your family doesn't really want you to move far away. No, especially then. No. Technology is a blessing and a curse these days. But I think if technology were a little bit more advanced at that time, maybe they wouldn't be as worried.

SPEAKER_01 11:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:09

Oh, true.

SPEAKER_01 11:09

About connect, meaning having knowing what yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

Yeah, like the GPS on your phone. Oh, and tracking.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

Yes, the tracking, the tracking. And I remember I did, I, you know, I was dabbling in wanting to go somewhere else. And I must have had, you know, back then we had brochures, there was no internet. No, I mean you had cat the catalog of the of the university. The catalog. I remember those. Didn't you love? I love looking through the catalog. I did. And I I wish I just read an article somewhere how books print that most the percentage of people that we would actually prefer print over um, you know, Kindle and ebooks and whatever those are. Um, obviously I don't use those. I use print. I love touching books. I I'm touching my book, I love feeling things, but the catalog and and getting to read it and go through it. But I had other catalogs from other universities, and I we were sitting in our kind of island, my parents' island at home, and I had the catalogs on the table, and my dad just looked at him and he said, I don't even know why you're bothering. You're not leaving. That's funny. You're not leaving, and I just looked at him kind of like perplexed. I'm like, What do you mean? He said, I'm serious. If you want to go to school, you're staying right here.

SPEAKER_00 12:22

He's not gonna let his girl go. No.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

No, so so I just and I didn't fight back. I just kind of was like, okay, and that was it. That was it. We I didn't visit anywhere else. Right. I mean, I I of course, I don't know. I I don't know. I guess I wasn't very I'm not I'm not a very adventurous person sometimes, I would say. So I was like happy. I'm like, okay, well, I'll just stay here.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

Well, and I think where you went offered what you were interested in anyway.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

There were lots of choice. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

Yeah, so that that makes a big difference.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

But think if you have you had you decided to go to another city, like I mean, it's just where would you be now?

SPEAKER_00 12:58

Yeah, I mean, I I wonder, yeah, would I have come back home? Would I would I have stayed in that city? Yeah. Would I have been more adventurous at 18 years old? I don't know. I don't know. I still listen to what people were telling me at that time, and I did for a long time. I listened to what other people thought I should be doing with my life.

SPEAKER_01 13:21

Yes, I'm this I'm right there with you.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

And I didn't really start coming out of that until probably recently, would you say? Um more so recently, but in my 30s, and I had everything. The house, everything inside the house that you would want.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

You know, I mean, within a reasonable comfort, you were everything. I had material things.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

Yeah, I had everything, and but I was I I remember standing upstairs and just I I live in a loft type of a house and just looking out over everything. I'm like, I'm like, I have everything, but I still have some problems. I still have issues.

SPEAKER_01 14:08

Even with all the things that you thought you wanted, material things you thought you wanted.

SPEAKER_00 14:12

Yeah, I still wasn't happy in every aspect of my life. I was happy with those material things that I worked so hard to get and everything that I thought I was supposed to get.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

And you're thinking, I I'm guessing you're thinking which I do, I think many of us do, that you think you're gonna get the thing, whatever the thing is. And the thing is gonna make you happy. I'm digressing, but which I which we do, we do. I mean, one topic is gonna lead to another, but that you you work to get the thing. And that's probably, you know, they say the journey is you know part of it, is the satisfying part, but it's the searching and and whatever, if it was your couch, because I know you mentioned your couch that it on another episode about the couch.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

Do you have your couch or your bed? It might have been a bed. Oh, it was the couch.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

It was the couch, it was definitely I no longer have that couch, by the way. Oh well, I have I have a new new couch, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:07

But but back then it was the couch.

SPEAKER_00 15:09

I still had that couch, yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:10

Yes, it was the couch, and I think uh as as I've you know, purchases like that that and it doesn't matter to me, it's not necessarily about how much it is, it's that you really want it. You know, it's something that is a goal. And then you might do all the research and the you pick, you know, what color do I want? What style do I want? And you spend, you know, you could spend a lot of time hours looking for these things, and then you get it. And yes, for me, I will say it feels good, but then you get it, and then you and after it kind of the newness wears off, often to me, it's like, oh wow, I spent a lot of time, a lot of time, and yeah, it's okay, but why I wonder why I spent so much time and energy on that.

unknown 15:52

Right.

SPEAKER_01 15:52

But it was the path of a choice of you know, whatever trajectory got your focus on that, that's what your focus was. And that was a choice that you spent all that time, and speaking for myself, on certain things, and I look back of why I got so caught up in it. But in part, I think I needed to be there at that moment, like making those choices, and maybe it was a diversion for me to avoid something else.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

Oh no, this feels like a therapy session now. If that's how I'm feeling, then maybe it's it's it's hitting a nerve that I need to consider here. It could be, could be, but like once you get that thing that you work so hard for, like you said and researched, then it that lackluster feeling hits in and you just go on to the next thing.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

Yeah, and then you're trying to fill, trying to fill filling the void. Filling, filling.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

So true.

SPEAKER_01 16:50

It is, and and back to we are the choices we make. I I do think of the word pops in my head, and I I mean I know it's in the book about just a sense of responsibility. Like I feel like there's a sense of we, meaning we as the people, I don't know, we as whenever people, we as people, um individually individuals. It's like I I I I talk with uh people who you know they don't understand how I don't know how they got to where they were, and I'm thinking, well, you know, yeah, because you made this you know, some things again happen you plenty of things happen you can't control, but a lot of it is based on a choice you made. And so there has to be some responsibility, like, you know, saying, Well, I F that one up.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

Yeah, right. Oh, I've done that lots of times. But here's the thing you make the decision, maybe you should have chosen another path. Maybe that's the path we were supposed to be on. You know I'm gonna go into this and say that. Yeah, that's true. But you can always change it. You can't change what happened in the past, but you can say, hey, I don't really like where I've ended up on this. True. What am I gonna do to move forward right now? What changes am I gonna make and what path am I gonna take from here, from this point? And then there's the word dwell. You could also dwell. I think we've all done that somewhat. But then you gotta get over it.

SPEAKER_01 18:23

Yeah. And sometimes, I mean, and and you I feel like dwelling is processing. Like I think of that as processing. Sometimes you have to dwell, even though I get really irritated with myself when I feel like I'm dwelling. Like, why am I just like especially when I feel a change is coming, but I I'm not ready, like I'm not ready to take the path. I think the poem is The Road Less Traveled. I'm gonna look it up. I think I'm gonna I'll look it up at some point. But I've but yes, the road less traveled, like you know, that that life puts you on this trajectory through, you know, not only again decisions we make, but decisions that we have no control over. But then, you know, we can we're kind of I'm doing my hands, we're kind of navigating through. But then there are moments of I find myself kind of sitting back and waiting and just dwelling on things to think of, okay, what you know, if I'm not ready, and that's the other thing, if I'm not ready to make a decision, right? Then I may just kind of dwell, do nothing.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

Do nothing. I will dwell and do nothing, I will shut down and dwell and do nothing, and then I'll be spiraling within that. And I have to just pull myself up out of that because eventually I'm gonna have to be able to do that. To make a choice. You're gonna have to make a decision and a choice. Eventually. And I will overanalyze more than what I think a normal person would over-analyze while I'm dwelling. And then I have to get over that too.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

But I but I think that's part of the process of we are the choices we make, making those choices, making those decisions. And some, I mean, we're not talking about, you know, you're at the grocery, am I gonna get the red delicious apples or the Fiji apples?

SPEAKER_00 20:16

How different would my life have been? How'd you chosen the Fiji? Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

But I do, I'll stand there a little, I mean I'll stand there. The I mean, where I go, it's not like there's there are I don't know how many. There are lots of kinds of apples, but where I go, there are maybe four. So it's not a huge decision. Right. And I just look at the colors of the day and I think, oh, those look pretty good color today. You know, meaning they it resonates with me that color. I don't know why. Right. Yes. It's more the the big, not the apple decision, but but bigger decisions and and I think the processing and when you're ready to make it, you'll make it. When you're ready to make it, you will make it.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

All of our decisions brought us to right now. Right here. And what decisions are we gonna make when we're finished today?

SPEAKER_01 21:03

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 21:05

Think about that. But don't dwell on it too long. And don't overanalyze it. Just go with it. Go with it. Make a decision. I mean, research it a little bit. Make the best decision you can.

SPEAKER_01 21:18

Are you envious? I'm see, I'm setting the stage. I shouldn't say that. Oh, do it. I already did it. Are you envious of people who can just go? Like can just go and do things and not think about it? Because we're I think we are both, we're Geminis. We're thinkers, we're processors of that, you know, just and I don't mean thinker think thinking like I don't want to say high level, but just processing. I think we're more processors or we take time to process.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

In my life, I used to overthink, I mean absolutely everything, and I still do to a degree, but I me remember w one big time when I did not over analyze or overthink something. And I had a wonderful thing happen to me. And I was 20 years old. So you really you were obviously So I'm glad that I didn't hold myself back because you listened to everyone else around you. And I especially did back then, as I mentioned. But we listen to everyone around us. It doesn't matter what their opinions are, really.

SPEAKER_01 22:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

We care what their opinions are, but it doesn't really matter what their opinions are, right? True. And that just showed that that proved to me that you know I put myself out there. Yes, I put myself out there and I didn't care what anybody thought. And good things happened because of that decision. So that was a really good thing.

SPEAKER_01 22:43

But it is it hard to do that? I mean, now. And not and and maybe even pre-let's say pre-having your daughter, because you had more flexibility, maybe then.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

It all depends. Just all depends. I'm more of a risk taker with certain things now. I'll just like do it. Don't dare me to do anything. Please, please. Because I'll probably do it unless it's something stupid. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I'm not going to hurt myself or anyone else.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

But you may take a risk. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

Depending on what that risk.

SPEAKER_01 23:13

Yeah. The level of the risk.

SPEAKER_00 23:14

If it's going to be something positive and something fun and something that I really want to do. If I can do it, I'm going to do it.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

I'm going to make that decision. I'm going to take that risk. I'm going to do it. Why not?

SPEAKER_01 23:25

But if it's something else that's heavier, you're going to take time. For sure. Yeah. Me too.

SPEAKER_02 23:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

Well, we are the choices we make, and show me the baby time is up. So I I'm very happy you came back for another episode for details about Daphne. And if you would like to work with her, she would, I'm sure, welcome you to contact her in a professional way. I started saying that. I'm like, I don't mean yes. And her deep the details of how to contact her will be in the notes in the show notes. I neglected to say that before, so I wanted to do a little a pitch. What and what and just briefly so people know, what what do you specialize in? So we can say it on the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 24:11

I'm a law of attraction practitioner.

SPEAKER_01 24:14

I think I said that in the last podcast too. I did. I didn't say that in this one.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

Really, I like being your personal cheerleader because we get so down on ourselves. And I I am surrounded by women who are down on themselves. They're just so down. And it makes them come across as negative all the time. Sometimes. I I've been there. I still do it sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 24:37

Me too.

SPEAKER_00 24:38

But there's always something to be thankful for, like your couch. Very. And you can always find something good. To lift yourself up. Yeah, you have to, because no one else is going to do it for you.

SPEAKER_01 24:51

Nope.

SPEAKER_00 24:52

You have to depend on you. But yeah, I'll be your personal cheerleader.

SPEAKER_01 24:56

Go you. Thanks, Daphne, cheerleader, and thanks for joining me on this episode.

SPEAKER_00 25:02

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 25:04

Thank you for listening to the Show Me the Baby podcast. And I hope you join me again for another episode. My book, Show Me the Baby, is available at Amazon.com. To learn more about me and a link to order, visit my website, Kristen Lee dot com. That's K R I S T Y N L E E.com.