Episode 26 : Doing Nothing Is a Decision

My dear friend, confidant and Gemini twin, Daphne Maidstone, Goddess of the Universe, joins me to talk about doing nothing. When our intuition tells us that it is not the right time to decide, that is the decision. We laugh and smile and have another wonderful conversation. 

Daphne Maidstone is a Writer & Bohemian and Law of Attraction Practitioner
who spreads happy magic throughout the universe!
Facebook.com/daphnemaidstone
Instagram.com/daphnemaidstone

To learn more about me and to purchase my book that outlines all of the topics I share about parenting, organization, wellness, leadership, and life skills, visit www.kristynlee.com.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Welcome to the Show Me the Baby podcast. This is your host, Kristen Lee. I am here to share and expand on topics outlined in my book, Show Me the Baby. Short and sweet tips on parenting, wellness, organization, leadership, and life skills. Why Show Me the Baby? My lifelong friend and mentor never had the patience for lengthy explanations. His mantra was don't tell me about the birth, show me the baby. What I am sharing are brief, to-the-point lessons that I have learned, advice that I was given, or information gathered from others. I want to share my experiences to assist you in navigating parenting and life. The episodes are based on some of the subjects covered in my book and are unscripted, sometimes going in a direction that wasn't planned, but I think makes them more interesting. My goal is to expand on each theme, keeping in the Show Me the Baby way in 15 minutes or less. For a complete list of all the topics I discussed, you can purchase my book, ShowMeTheBaby, at Amazon.com. For more information about me and a link to purchase, go to my website, kristenlee.com. That's K-R-I-S-T-Y-N-L-E-E.com. Hello, this is Kristen Lee, and this is the Show Me the Baby Podcast. Here for another episode is my Gemini twin Daphne, Maidstone Goddess of the Universe, a law of attraction specialist. Or as she shared in the last podcast we did, she will be your cheerleader. Woohoo! If you want to work with Daphne, her information is in the show notes. Welcome back. Thank you. Yay. Yay, yay, yay. That was like a cheerleader. Yay, yay, yay. That's had to be where it came. And that was just an automatic out of my mouth.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

And I would like to say I was never an actual cheerleader. I don't like to sweat or work out. And I was just too klutzy to do that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

But being a cheerleader, we're digressing, as we do, because it doesn't matter. That yes, being a cheerleader is just cheering somebody on. Yes. Cheering somebody on when they need to be cheered on. You can do it.

unknown 2:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

And a lot of people need to hear that. A lot of people here need that. Well, the topic we uh are going to discuss today is doing nothing is a decision. And I'll start briefly with kind of where in my show me the baby book, that chapter is, I think, three sentences. It's one of the shorter ones, but it kind of needs to be because it's, you know, we're going to talk longer than you know the three sentences that are in the book. But sometimes I'll come to a place that I just can't, like I can't decide. And I'm I it just whatever the decision is, it's usually probably with relationships looking back, you know, looking back pre, you know, in my let's say teens and twenties and whatever. I'll just use that as an example. But if I was in a relationship that I just felt wasn't maybe wasn't right, but I couldn't, I just couldn't, I couldn't decide. And I thought, okay, well, I'm just gonna sit back and wait because I can't make a decision, and that's my decision. I'm not ready to make a decision. So I'm just gonna sit, I'm gonna sit with it and kind of wait and watch and see how it plays out because I can't decide. So that was my decision, right?

SPEAKER_00 3:52

You know, and eventually have to make a decision besides not making the decision, the decision not to make a decision.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

Well, it kind of worked its way out for me because yes, the person that I was with, and it was a rocky relationship. I mean, and and we're friends now, but but yes, he made a decision that then made my decision. I'll just say that. Right. That made my decision, like, okay, this is this is very, you know, I'm it's very clear, it's very cut and dry. Now I don't have there's no there's no waffling, you know, there's no waffling about this at this point. This is over. Right. But but that but that it took me, but then he again he made the decision because he probably knew I was waffling, and so he made the decision easy for me.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

Right. Well, I had someone tell me once years ago, we've got to do something even if it's wrong. Oh have you heard that before?

SPEAKER_01 4:47

My that is my dad's motto.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Mm-hmm. Which I don't like. I don't want to do something wrong. And I know you, you also don't want to do anything wrong. No, yeah, so I think it's better to do nothing rather than do it wrong.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Exactly. Like he said, this is so funny, you brought that. I can't believe you said well, I can. I can believe you said it. Here's an example, and this is just built, this is a building example. He cannot visualize things, he just can't, and he'll say that. So his staff, you know, if he's building, let's say he was building a re remodeling an apartment, let's just go there. Right. And he can't visualize how it's gonna look. So he would, and and so the guy, the guy, you know, the they're I mean, they all the the maintenance people, the staff, they're all men. So the guys, the men who were working for him, he would say, Okay, just build it. Just don't stand around doing nothing, just build the wall, just spend the day building the wall. And then my dad would go, come in later and say, Oh, that's not all at all what I want. So they spent the entire all their time, money, time, energy, to then have to take the wall down the next day and start over. And I would say, Dad, you know, that was such a waste. And he goes, Well, I didn't like it. And I said, But if you would have just done nothing and waited maybe until the next day, then it would probably have come to you what you did want. Maybe. I think it would have, but he just he gets so agitated when when there's not a decision, so he is willing to do to make a wrong decision just to have something done.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

Yeah, see, I'm not like that, and it it can be a flaw as well. Uh I mean I am the goddess of the universe, but I still have my flaws because I'm I'm human still at this point. You're not I have not ascended or anything, so I'm like that. Yeah, you're not all-knowing, all powerful, all right. I mean, I am all that. I am all that a couple bags of chips, but I'm just saying. Uh yeah. It it it it's a flaw. If I'm gonna say there's something wrong with me, that would be one of the things. I would do I would rather do nothing than do the thing wrong, whatever the thing is. I waited out.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

But that's not a flaw. You think it's a flaw?

SPEAKER_00 7:08

Sometimes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:10

Well, I guess it depends on the situation and how you view it, of how you view it.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

It all depends on what it is. Yeah, it really, really does.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

I feel the word, like you said in another podcast, you the word thrive came up today, thrive. But when you s when I think of this topic, I think of the word strength. Like in doing to me, in doing nothing, it takes a strong person to do nothing.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

Well, I think sometimes people will view it in a different way, okay, and they'll think, oh, they're just doing nothing. And they think that's lazy or they're not gonna do anything. Well, they don't know what's going on inside of my head or anyone else's head when they see you're not doing nothing. Well, why didn't you do that yet? Well, I have I don't know if that's the right way. Maybe that's not the right decision. Maybe I I'm not sure what I'm gonna do with this thing in my life right now or this thing at work.

SPEAKER_01 8:13

And you have people around you going, make a decision, make a decision. It's like I'm not ready yet. Yeah. But that's also you know, the outskirts that you know, whether I don't mean outskirts, but whoever it is in your life who obviously are close enough to you, they're paying attention and can can shame you.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

Yeah, they can, they make there's guilt trips, but I am gonna have to agree that eventually decisions have to be made. They do. And you hope that they're not wrong. No, and they will come.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Like I feel like in part when I wrote that three-sentence chapter, that where my mind was was that if if my if my if I can't decide, as I said earlier, if I can't decide, then that means I'm probably not ready to decide. I'm not ready. Yeah. And and there will come a day whether it's a decision, yeah, if you wait around long enough, the decision's gonna be made without you. With some things, yes. They it will. And then the other things, if you are in control of that decision, eventually, I feel like if you you're your whatever, your brain, you know, you eventually realize, I think, that if you don't make the if if there's a decision to be made and you don't make it, then things are gonna happen that aren't gonna be good because you can't just sit forever. But but sometimes sitting and I call it incubating. Incubation. I like that. Yeah, incubation. I'm incubating it. I think that's the way how you say it. But just the processing of and not not necessarily going through and I may have done a few pros and cons list in my life. Yes. And even after those, I still often will keep look, you know, keep stewing over it. If it depends it just again depends on the decision, but that's part of the decision making too, making the list, making I like lists. And you said stewing over it.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

Oh, I hate it when I do that. And honestly, it's like get over myself already, just do it. Decide I'm either gonna do it or I'm not gonna do it.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Is there an because we don't play in these, if there is an example of oh, there's too many.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

Well, is there one you want to share? There's just too there's too many. Too many. Too many. Okay, so uh I might have texted you about deciding that I think that I need a she shed. Oh, you did, you did, and I don't think I responded much back. And and I haven't done anything about it, but I have a little shed, which will be big enough, but it doesn't look the way I want it to look. So I'm gonna stew on that for a long time. I don't know how long. It'll be longer than weeks, though, I can guarantee you.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

But that's part of in in an earlier podcast we were talking about uh decision making, probably, but that how planning for something is kind of a good way also to to distract us from something else, but also brings us it does bring joy.

SPEAKER_00 11:16

It does. Like I want to do something creative with with with my shed, and but it's me and it has to look special.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

Yeah, and that takes time to make the decisions, and you don't want to just do it wrong.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

So should I just build on to that and make it look exactly the way I want it to look because the way it looks is going to be very important because I can't just have it just be like a normal looking box, she shed. That is never gonna happen. No, it has to have has to be special.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

Yes, it has to be like almost like castle-like.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

It has to be, probably. Yeah, it probably has to look like a little castle or some little cottage, which I won't make happen.

SPEAKER_01 11:56

Yeah, but you could in a certain way.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

Yeah, so I'm gonna sit and stew on that for stew. Thank you so much. Sorry. I'm gonna stew on that for quite quite a while, and then then will I have time to do that? Because I don't have time now, do I? No, but you'll make time, or you'll take.

SPEAKER_01 12:12

All right, you'll you'll take little pieces and you know, again, sections of when you have moments, when you have moments. And that will be, I think, for us, for many people, that that's where you um what's the word? When you after the, you know, end of a busy day or busy weekend, that's where you find your energy. You know, the energy re-energizing yourself. It certainly some you you know, I don't really feel like I get energy. I mean, I know I need sleep and I I do sleep, but I don't feel like that's where my energy comes from. It comes from creating, creating something is where I feel where I feel like that's where my energy comes from. And that brings energy back. I feel like you working on this project, whether it's just in the thinking, you know, what what could it look like? Or even if you, you know, and even if you don't make much progress soon, you could have it all planned out in your head.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

Right. I I mean I have lots of plans in my head for it. And it's not gonna be that big. Like the shed I currently have is not not that big, and it's cute, but it's not the way I want it to look. But it can be a place just for you to go, and once it's done, I mean I might let other people come in. But maybe no boys allowed, I don't know yet. Put a sign out front, yeah. Girls girls only. Oh, funny. It could be whatever you want it to be, it's gonna be. Well, I it's gonna be also find when I do finally, after I've sat and ruminated and incubated, uh-huh, and stewed I have to say, I'm gonna say it a hundred times now, that everything when I finally make the decision on something like that, or something more serious, then it always seems like everything takes double or triple time for me to actually accomplish after I finally made the decision. You think, oh, that won't take that long, and then it's it. I'm like, why is this taking so long? Because then when you do make the decision, then you want it done right now. Yeah, you do, and you want it done right.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

Yeah, and maybe it again, the doing nothing part, you did nothing for a while because you were planning. Although you well, it was the planning process, and then when you finally decide, it's like let's get this show going. Mm-hmm. That's right. I will say I'm very much like that. Like once I make the decision, I want to be moving, you know, let's get right. Why isn't it done already?

SPEAKER_00 14:44

Like I want it done yesterday. It's like, oh, that's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 14:48

I I can't think of the last, well, not the last, I mean, big project, but um, I'm I'm yes, I'm I'm very similar, and and again, probably lots of people are that well, maybe some people are more patient, but it if you've waited around on the decision, you've already, you know, been doing it for months. Doing not no, meaning doing nothing because you weren't ready. And then when you are ready, you're ready. Yeah. That is the one problem with doing nothing as a decision.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

And with some things like with work, if you don't do it or you don't take the opportunity and you wait too long, someone else is is already gonna take that opportunity. And maybe you can't get that opportunity back. Maybe you could do something else.

unknown 15:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

But you know, if you don't do your work at your job where someone is someone else is paying you, and I don't mean, you know, if you're not the one in charge, right? They're only gonna take that for so long, right?

SPEAKER_01 15:46

And probably, probably in my mind example, well, I probably am not speaking professionally about doing nothing, because that would, yeah, I don't think in general you can probably do that unless you yes, you own the company and you just decide that's what you want to do. Because most of the time in a company in a in a in a career, you can't sit back and do nothing or you will not have your job.

SPEAKER_00 16:09

You maybe can once in a while. And if someone asks you why, you can explain, oh well, I'm trying to decide the best way to do this, but then maybe they can help you out a little bit and steer you in the right direction. So it it that can be a learning process for everyone. That part of it's good. But I mean, just focusing on the don't build a wall, don't build a wall you're not ready to build, and then have to tear it down. That's right. Because if you've done it wrong, there you go. It's just a big waste. It's a big we worry about.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

Right. You don't want to, you don't want to go through this whole whatever it is, a little project, a big project, and spend time, energy, thought, and then you know, oh, that was way wrong, and now I'm gonna have to re-outdo the whole thing, when maybe just taking some extra time and thinking it through. Right. And that's part of it too. Maybe not doing nothing, but not doing nothing for a huge span of time, but doing it could be doing nothing for a day, you know, not making a decision for a day. I'm not saying you don't make the decision for months or you know, years. It's just it could be, you know, when it's a work thing, it could be okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to lunch and then I'll make the decision after lunch. But right now, doing nothing is the decision.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

I would like to do nothing for like two or three days, just in my life in general. Oh, I don't know. That's all just two or three days. I'm not asking for a month or a year. I mean, just two or three days. Just just chill. And you can listen to music, you could do it.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

You could do it, no problem.

SPEAKER_00 17:34

You know, order food in, whatever. Just just chill, decompress. Yeah, that's all. Decompress. Yeah, just two or three days is all I want. Well, and that's that's it's a dream. It's a dream.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

Well, and and and it will happen. But I love most of my life, I really do. And as you said again in another topic, it's it's finding something. There's always something to be thankful for for. There is. Even when you can't make a decision and you're not ready to make a decision, or you made a choice that wasn't the best choice for you, or for the direction of your life, that there's always something to be thankful for.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

There is. And I'm thankful for this life. Yeah. You know, I'm thankful for where I'm at right now. And I'm still alive. I woke up this morning.

SPEAKER_01 18:23

And and I do, I think often about how how did we, I mean, we'll never know. How did we end up here? You know, we could have been born, we could have been born in the other side of the world. Yes, Paris, or I'm thinking somewhere glamorous, or you know, right, China. We could have been born anywhere and anywhere, but we were and here we are. And we have so I mean, I do, I think about you know, that we are free, that we uh and we females, right, you know, right, we have the right, you know, we have lots of of rights that so many people in other parts of the world don't have, and I do think of that often. Nothing is perfect, nothing is perfect. Do I wish some things were different? Of course. I think we all do on some level. I mean, whatever it is, but that how lucky I feel I feel very lucky that we live in a country where women have some power.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

We can own land, we can vote, and we can have our own credit score and get our own credit card and open a bank account without a man. Yes. If we so choose.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

If we so choose. Yes, yeah, and that's something, you know. And I talk to my girls a lot about how you know, I and I've never lived anywhere else but where we live, but that I do think about that a lot. That how lucky we are, how lucky we are. We are.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

Yeah, very for sure. We're thankful.

SPEAKER_01 19:52

Well, show me the baby time is up. Thank you for joining me for another episode. And well, you know, the whole doing nothing is a decision, you you apply it to how we each apply it to our own way and our own situation. But I think in general it just means sometimes you need a pause. Sometimes you need to hit the pause button.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

We do.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

That sounds great. I'm gonna try to do that later tonight. I think you may need to just hit the pause. I I think tonight I do. Yes. For sure. That will be at nine or ten o'clock, and I'll have a little bit of time, and then I can pause, and it'll be great.

unknown 20:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

Even if it's just for a few minutes, it's just before I drift off to sleep. Take a pause. It's glorious. My favorite part of the day, almost.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

It's well, it's and having things to well, that's a whole nother podcast. I won't go there. Thanks for joining me, and I hope you come back for another episode of Show Me the Baby. Thank you. Thank you for listening to the Show Me the Baby podcast, and I hope you join me again for another episode. My book, Show Me the Baby, is available at Amazon.com. To learn more about me and a link to order, visit my website, kristenlee.com. That's K-R-I-S-T-Y-N-L-E-E.com.