Episode 31: Fast Movers

Sometimes people show up in our lives and "push" to rush us into quick decisions. My Gemini twin and fun friend, Daphne, joins me to chat about the fast movers.  While the fast movers can make us feel important and special at the moment, we both know it can be a red flag.

Daphne Maidstone is a Writer & Bohemian and Law of Attraction Practitioner
who spreads happy magic throughout the universe!
Facebook.com/daphnemaidstone
Instagram.com/daphnemaidstone

To learn more about me and to purchase my book that outlines all of the topics I share about parenting, organization, wellness, leadership, and life skills, visit www.kristynlee.com.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Welcome to the Show Me the Baby podcast. This is your host, Kristen Lee. I am here to share and expand on topics outlined in my book, Show Me the Baby. Short and sweet tips on parenting, wellness, organization, leadership, and life skills. Why show me the baby? My lifelong friend and mentor never had the patience for lengthy explanations. His mantra was don't tell me about the birth, show me the baby. What I am sharing are brief, to-the-point lessons that I have learned, advice that I was given, or information gathered from others. I want to share my experiences to assist you in navigating parenting and life. The episodes are based on some of the subjects covered in my book and are unscripted, sometimes going in a direction that wasn't planned, but I think makes them more interesting. My goal is to expand on each theme, keeping in the Show Me the Baby way in 15 minutes or less. For a complete list of all the topics I discuss, you can purchase my book, ShowMeTheBaby, at Amazon.com. For more information about me and a link to purchase, go to my website, Kristenlee.com. That's K-R-I-S-T-Y-N-L-E-E.com. Hello, this is Kristen Lee, and this is the Show Me the Baby podcast. Today, joining me for another episode is my Gemini twin, Daphne Maidstone, goddess of the universe. Welcome back.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Thank you, angry teens.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

My oldest daughter, who is also, who you know, Ava, my oldest daughter, who is also a Gemini. I said, Oh, we're triplets then. I said, I don't mean because she heard the podcast and I don't, I don't think she was offended, but it was cute. She was like, Well, you know, I'm your Gemini twin too. And I said, Well, we're triplets.

SPEAKER_01 2:15

That's right. We are all bonded. I can totally see that. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Well, welcome again. Um Daphne, which I've said in the past podcast, is a law of attraction.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

Practitioner.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

Practitioner. And in the notes, I always put her contact information. And I'm excited to welcome her again. The topic, we maybe should just do a show of our own. That's what I was thinking. As much as we have to say on all these topics, I mean, I have other guests, but and I love all the guests that have come. But you and I can just talk and talk and talk. Like many of the other people on here, but we just have this Gemini connection. So it just in the ease into the talking, I think. The topic that we have chosen from the book for today's episode is fast movers. And to introduce fast movers, I will say when I wrote the chapter, again, chapter in the book, meaning sometimes eight sentences, which is about what this was. Um people who show up in your life and want to move really quickly. Um I would call a fast mover. Like everything is we have to do this quickly, you know, whatever the decision is. And it's not about well, let's say you meet somebody and they want within a week want to move in together.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

Right.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

That's a fast mover. Even a month, even six months, that's pretty fast mover. But just things when when somebody just you think it needs to be really the other person thinks because I don't think you or I are fast movers. Maybe. No, we can be talked into being fast movers. Yes. Not that we are the ones making the fast moves.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

It's how maybe the other party makes you feel that would be yes. And getting to a level of trust. And you know, there are fast friendships too. Oh, very much. And sometimes those are great, but sometimes they're just for a season. Because when you really get to know that person, you're like, huh? I think I don't really think that I like the your views on certain things. It's you know, maybe that won't be a deal breaker. It just all depends on what it is.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

True. And I have said if to my daughters especially, because they're I mean, one is in a has been in a relationship for quite, I mean, I don't know how many years. I've let's say, I'll guess six maybe. And then one is not currently in a relationship. But I have said to both of them over the years, just you know, anybody who wants to kind of if you feel pressured into doing something, that's a fast, that's somebody who's probably a fast mover. If you feel that there's pressure, that you have to do something quickly when there's not really a reason.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

You know? I'm gonna say we we both could safely say we have a background in sales. Correct. And you want to create a sense of urgency, sometimes of certain things in sales, and these people, whoever they may be, perhaps that's what they're doing. And it's working sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

Oh, I never thought of it like that. It's a sales job. Like, I don't mean that. I mean, yes, we both come from a selling background, but I feel like I don't know. I think when I think of myself, I don't think I think I'm a helper in what I do professionally, uh even though it's labeled sales, because I would never, let's say, snooker somebody. Like I just wouldn't do that. But this sounds from how you're describing it, it's like you're being, I know that's I don't even know if that's a word. It comes from my past of someone saying it to me. You're like, yeah, like someone's trying to snooker you.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

Oh, that's great. So, have you ever been snookered? Sure.

SPEAKER_01 6:25

Sure. When I think back on my life, if we're gonna go into romantic relationships, so let's let's just briefly touch on that realm. Okay. So personally, without giving out too many details, uh if I sit back and think about it, my whole life since I started liking boys, right? Yeah, I pretty much always had a boyfriend. I maybe went six months once and didn't have a boyfriend. And I mean, you know, the grade school, junior high, high school stuff, because you you'd like one boy and then you'd be going together. Oh, yeah. So maybe you were holding hands and going to a school dance or something like that. Um, but then you break up and maybe a couple days you'd be going with somebody else.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

It was probably a friend of that one. Well, probably. Because we both went to fairly small schools, and back then, you know, no, there were no, you know, smartphones, no nothing. We had landlines.

SPEAKER_01 7:25

That's right. Landlines. And I didn't have my own phone in my room or anything, but my mom got this really long phone cord and it reached all the way down the hallway back to my bedroom.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

Well, that was nice that she did that.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

Yes, it was very, very nice. But seriously, like when I look back, I'm thinking, man, why did I think I always had to have a boyfriend? I didn't, I didn't need to have a boyfriend to go to a school dance or to the homecoming dance. I didn't need, like, I felt like that was part of who I was and and what I was supposed to do. I even in my 20s, I still felt that way.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

And and I think, and probably there are there are plenty of people who didn't feel that way. So we're speaking to the people who did, because there are plenty of us that that have. Right. That I feel like too, in our generation growing up in the 70s and 80s, yeah, and the you know, the movies that we watched, that I mean, it was almost everything was to be a fairy tale, and this is how it's gonna, you know, work out, and it's all gonna work out, and we should all be in love and and and it's all gonna be fine. So I think we got a lot of that, you know, put into our brain just from again, TV, movies, um, and the and the and our pa and probably our families could have a little something to do with it.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

Well, maybe because they're when we've talked about this before, we always wanted to do what we were supposed to do.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

Yeah, and there and there could have been, I don't know if there was an expectation about you know following this path. Yeah, there there was, but I mean, never necessarily a boy or a relationship, but I don't know. I I I agree. I think I think it's it's who we are in part, nature and nurture, yeah. Nature and nurture, who we are and how we were nurtured along the way. But back to the fast, the fast movers that um yes, because we started with the snookering salesperson. That's where where where I I didn't think so the situation would be you are whether friendship, romantic, whatever relationship, where the other person who's a fast mover, is basically selling himself, herself to you or to me or to anybody and pushing pretty hard. Probably. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

I've had that happen a time or two or three. And I have to think back, was I doing that to anybody in return? And do you think you were? I don't know. Really, when when I think about I'm not thinking that I was the one doing the pushing. I'm always thinking back, and my recollection is it was always someone else doing the pushing, right? But I have to be honest with myself. So I'm gonna I'm gonna have a think about that.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

Well, something just occurred to me. It's occurred to me before, so it's not just well, it's coming to me, I guess. When I was married the first time, I had been with this person six years before we got married. And I absolutely know he probably did not, he probably did not want to get married to me, but I pushed it because I thought, well, because this is the way I think, okay, we have two apartments, we're paying all these bills. Right. Like to me, it was it was like, and I'm not saying I wasn't in love with him. That's not, but but it was just to me, it was a, okay, this is expensive. We've been together six years.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

Right.

SPEAKER_00 11:11

We've both got apartments. We and we live ten minutes away from each other, maybe not 10, maybe five. And you know, we've been in this like, why don't we just get married? So it was like, what's the word? Very um common sense. It was common sense. Yeah, I I get it. And I didn't want to live with him. We, you know, my uh I there I just wasn't gonna I I probably should have. I probably it would but but you know, right, then my girls wouldn't be here. I mean, if we I don't know if we lived together, I don't know what you know, who knows what would have happened. But I definitely would say not that I was a fast mover, because that was six years, but I pushed it. I know I pushed it. I know I pushed it. He would have not probably probably proposed to me. I probably just kept pushing. Like, why we have these two houses or two apartments? Why are we doing this? So yeah, I can take responsibility for that because I think he decided, I think I said, if we're not gonna get engaged and get married, like what are we doing? Right. You know?

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Well, if that was a goal that you had, it was and it's okay to have marriage be a goal in your life. That's something you want to be married. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be married and have have that be something that you want to be, you know, have in your life and maybe have a family on down the road. Nothing wrong with that as a very traditional thing. Yes, it's something that people still do frequently. Yeah. I mean, that's a good thing. It can be definitely a good thing if you're with the person you're supposed to be with, you know. And I I'm not gonna say it's a bad thing.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

No, I'm just not, but I'm just saying it was me pushed. So I I'm taking responsibility for that. Yes. Is that I pushed, I pushed it, and probably had I not pushed it. I I'm sure I said, if we're, you know, what are we in this for? Like, if if if why wouldn't we get married? I was like, well, why wouldn't we get married? But if I could do it all, if I could do a redo, if I could and not boy, if I could do some redo. I know. If but if I could do a redo, again, nothing to do with my girls because they are joys of my life. They know that.

SPEAKER_01 13:14

You know that's why that's why all everything's happened.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

It happened, but with with taking them out of the equation, if I could do it again, I would want somebody to, in that situation when I was young and you know, 24, whatever I was when we got married, that he should have been damn well chasing me. Right, right. He should have wanted to marry me. I shouldn't have had to go, uh, we need to eat, you know, I like this ring. You know, I think I even have a little picture. I mean, you know, now people have Pinterest and stuff of pit rings they like, but I think I put it on a bulletin board or something. Oh, anyway, whatever. So fast mover. So I take responsibility for that of being not that it was fast moving, but you know, just creating the environment of pushing somebody who probably really didn't want what I want, wanted, but didn't want to tell me, didn't want to tell me he didn't want it. Truly. I don't think he did.

SPEAKER_01 14:08

He didn't want anyone else to have you either, or he wouldn't truly, you know. He would not have married you. That's true.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

Yeah, he had to yeah, he had to probably he had to suck it up, meaning, oh, I don't really want to lose her, I don't really want to do this, so what are my choices? I'll just marry her. That's probably what it was. Anyway, so fast, fast we get off the track. But yes, that's kind of in the fast-moving situation. But yeah, when you find yourself, and now that we are in our 50s, right, and we still look so good.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

If you could see us, you'd be like, Oh my gosh, they look so good.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

They don't look like the the the 50s, the mid-50s is now the what are we gonna call it? Like, do you feel like you're in your 40s or your 30s?

SPEAKER_01 14:54

It all depends on if my hips flare enough or not when I get out of bed in the morning.

SPEAKER_00 15:05

I know my husband will start the day. I'm like, how did you sleep? And I'm like, oh, he's gonna tell me. Sorry, he's gonna, if you listen to this, my dear husband, he's gonna say, tell me, This hurts, my shoulder hurts, blah, blah. And I'm like, well, it's a day.

SPEAKER_01 15:20

Yeah, this is how the day's gonna be. This is how the day is gonna be. Yeah, I'll get out of bed and I'll be like, okay, how much pain am I in? So this is how the day's gonna go. Stretch it out.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

And then to have a seven-year-old.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

Yeah, she's gonna be eight soon, too.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

So her birthday's August. Can I say July? July.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

Yeah. July. Well, you know, it was supposed to be in August, but she came a little bit early. Okay. Well, you might re you might recall that too. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

I do. But anyway, in your experience, whatever, like when when when you were younger, you probably didn't see the fast movers. So that's why I say to my girls, sometimes they just sneak up on you. Well, that's the joke. And that's kind of fun too. Yeah, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

I mean, when you're a kid, that's that's just the way everyone seemed like everyone around me was like that. Like all my friends, it's like, oh, there was one boy in particular that I thought he was adorable. And I'm not gonna give too many details or people will know who it is, and I just don't want to go there. But I still like him. I'd say we're still friends, not we don't hang out or anything, you know. But I still he was a pretty fast mover, let's just put it that way. He decided he liked me and he went after me, and I liked it, and he was adorable, and he treated me like a princess.

SPEAKER_00 16:36

Oh, so that so in that situation it was kind of like a fun fast mover.

SPEAKER_01 16:40

It was fun, and he really did treat me like a princess. I'm not kidding you. He treated me, he set the precedents for everyone that came after. And I don't know why I didn't stick to my guns on that. Because I put up with a lot of crap from people after that, too. I mean, you know, I went out with a lot of nice people, but I went out with some that I'm like, wow, why why did I put up with that? I didn't have to do that. Yeah, I really didn't. I could have stopped that at any time. But sometimes you think you're just so far in, it's like I've just invested all this time and then if somebody's how we think when we're young.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

Yeah, and I think, and again, back to children, and I know your daughter is still young enough, but but like what would you say as she gets older? What would your advice be to her in let's say her teenage years, or you know, what would you say, what would you or what would you say to your younger self now? I mean, or your daughter, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

To my daughter and to myself, I would say slow down. There's no need to go fast. There's not. Slow down.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

No. Really? There's there's no rush.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

I have um a very uh a close girlfriend who um went through a divorce. I don't know how long it's been, but she's been divorced a few years. But after the divorce, um, she was dating, and there was a guy that just, you know, she was all about him and she was so excited. And I said, okay, you, you know, my advice to her, you just got divorced.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

Right.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

And do not let any other person push you because her the that marriage, they they got together really quickly. I mean, meaning, sorry, they went on a few dates, and I I I I want to say they were married within six months. Sure. And I said, you need any relationship, in my opinion. You know, this is just my opinion, my experience, right, is people can pretend or be the person you, I mean, they want to be, and we talked about this in another podcast. I think it was people show you who they are, but you know, people can pretend and they put up a good front. Like, yes, they're not gonna show their worst self in the in the in a brand new relationship, that but but to go through, get through all the seasons, uh, you know, a year with somebody, and people can be very good at putting up a good front, but eventually those, if there are, you know, there are always gonna be issues. But the cracks don't really start to appear until like after the you know, quote, honeymoon phase, if it's a relationship. Right. So running into getting into a committed relationship, meaning move in together, get married, right? Like that that's not uh to me, you gotta go through all at least a you know seasons of a relationship to get to the point where you know the cracks aren't deal breakers, if that makes sense. Right. Because often the fast movers don't want, you know, they want to move fast, like in the experience, you know, in in with my girlfriend. I mean, I think he wanted to rush and marry her before she changed her mind. Maybe. Oh, I think I think she would say so, yes, too. I mean, I think she would agree. It was just very everything, and he's you know, you know, kind of what do you call it, sweeping off, swept her off her feet and romanced her, and then after they got married, it just and yeah, it changed. It changed, and then she was and then she was thought, oh, where's that person that you know I fell in love with and I agreed to marry so quickly? Well, he was never that person, right? He was just a really good salesman, a slimy salesman. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

Yeah, mmm, that's bad. That's very, very bad. Boy, we've seen it though. And on the other hand, I have a few friends where, in my opinion, I thought things moved kind of fast. And they're still together. And I'm talking decades later. And I think they're doing okay. Like they seem happy. That makes me happy. So there's there's hope. There's good people out there.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

There are. I guess I just think I, you know, as I said, my advice in the book is slow down. But then other people might say, well, where's the fun in that?

SPEAKER_01 21:01

That's true, but you you could wake up one day and like you said, who did who who who did I marry or who did I just move in with? What what what has just happened?

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Yeah. So I think you can, I think, again, my my personal viewpoint is if you're with somebody, again, this is all about we're talking probably more relationships, right? Yeah, have fun, but just don't do something stupid that could change the trajectory of your whole life unless you know, unless you know a lot about the person. Like I say to my girls, you know, if you know, and we again we're in a smaller town, if you've if you know, you know, the the family and you know the friends, and you, you know, you can get a lot of information by just that. Right. But if this is someone you just met, like whatever, online, you got you just gotta be a little, I mean, in my opinion, I'm not a fly by the seat in my pants kind of girl. You're not. I'm not. I'm not at all. I like people who know me. I like my routine. I'm sure my children talk behind my back about how orderly I am and how I like things the way I like them. And I've said to them, well, you know, this is how I do it, and it's me. It's just who I am. It brings me peace, I guess, to have my routine. And it's comfort. Absolutely. That's how you get the job done though, seriously. When you got, you know, when you have a list of things to do, you better have for me. I need the routine. And then I like interruptions to the routine. But but but yeah, I can't, I can't, it doesn't matter. I can't say other than, you know, there have not been too many times in my life that I would say I was involved with a fast mover, but I've also not had that many relationships because I'm also, as I said, I'm a routine person. So I didn't I didn't like a lot of disruption, which new relationships are disruption. I mean, meaning they can be in it, but in a it can be in a very fun way too. So I don't want to sound like I'm a I'm a not fun NFK, no fun Christine. No, you're fun. I can be fun. I can't be fun, but I'm sounding like I'm a not fun person. But re re another example too is I and I gave in the book about just I think this was part of the chapter I'd have to look. About if somebody's trying, if it's not a relationship, but let's say it's a let's say it's a business, a business transaction. Right. And if somebody is trying in in business, trying to push you fast, that's also a huge red flag. That's scary.

SPEAKER_01 23:51

Yeah. They just want out from under whatever problem that they have and they want you to take it over.

SPEAKER_00 23:59

And if you I'm sure you've done this, like if you if you're on um, let's say researching a product and you get on a, let's say it's just a web page, right? It doesn't matter, but that it's like it's pages and pages, but it's like click on this special offer. Yeah. Da-da-da. Time limited. Anytime I see like time out, I'm like, okay, I I almost just that turns me off. If you're gonna put me like beat, it's like beat the clock. If you don't, if you order in, order in the next five minutes and you'll get, you know, double your order for the ha and I and I just think, okay, these are red flags. If you're trying to push me into this, the product that you have probably isn't that great if you have to sell two, if you're gonna sell two for one and you're gonna make me feel stressed out about even buying the product because of the beat the clock. But it's only available today, a one-time offer. Yeah, that's a fat that's fast movers too. Those are that's a fast moving thing.

SPEAKER_01 24:55

And Lori in Chattanooga just picked one. And she gave it five stars. And we only have five left. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

You better hurry. Now we only have two, they're going fast. That all that stuff so turns me off because it's high, that's high pressure. It is so, huh. High pressure, fast movers. Kind of. I see. I'm doing my hands like they're kind of meshing together.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

Well, imagine if you will, right? You're with a fast mover, but red flags are still coming up. Like maybe they are in a bad mood about something you don't even understand why they're in a bad mood about that. Like they're showing parts of their real selves early on, but then they're sugarcoating it. Here comes the charm. Yeah. Here comes the charm. But you didn't like that. But now, but now all you're you're so sweet, and now you're you're being a sweetheart. So maybe just that one, those one or two things are are an issue, and and we'll just sweep that under the carpet and just act like that didn't happen. And because you're just so sweet and attentive with all this other stuff.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

And probably pushing you into something in the sweet way.

SPEAKER_01 26:23

Meanwhile, the little devil's still there. Uh-huh. They're still there. But you didn't want to pay attention to the signs. No. Yeah. And imagine how bad that one's gonna be if you get in too deep. If there's already cracks in the situation. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:40

Yeah, early on. And and again, my friend who I gave the example of, and and I'm not naming her, so she wouldn't care, but she's told me she they were cra I mean, there were cracks in the early, early b early on, like maybe even before they got, I mean, again, I'm I think it within six months they were married. But but now that she looks back 20 years later to that initial time, right? She and she was like, What was I thinking? And I said, Well, you were swept up in the relationship, right? And then he was able to, you know, push you, and he was pushing you, fast moving you, and then explaining, you know, when things would happen, he would explain it away and then reassure you, and then bring you flowers and and take you to dinner or whatever it was. And you're like, Oh, this feels so good.

SPEAKER_01 27:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

And probably those kind of people too. There's a label I'm gonna, well, it can be a narcissistic you were headed there too, weren't you? Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 27:38

I knew you were gonna say that.

SPEAKER_00 27:39

Oh well, I think I think so so often that that that label gets put on a lot of people, but that is a that those those kind of things are are our traits, let's say just traits of a narcissistic personality.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

Right.

SPEAKER_00 27:52

Yes. And and I'm sure she would say this guy was a narcissist for sure.

SPEAKER_01 27:56

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:57

I don't even think I've would feel bad labeling him that because why would you? Yeah, I don't, because he's not a nice person. There you go. He's not he's not a good person. He wasn't good or yeah, but anyway, I think that yeah, like just beware of the fast movers. And you know, to me, if you are in a fast moving situation, it's it can be fun, it can be exciting, whether it's buy now, buy now, buy now, a product, or you know, let's move in, let's do this, let's move away, let's let's leave your fa let's leave where you know your friends and your family and let's move to a new city. Yeah, let's uproot you. Yeah, because then guess what? You have no support system. You don't. So I think those are just I guess my cautions to people, and I'm sure there are listeners who absolutely understand this. And and if there are some of you that don't get this at all, I'm happy for you. Um me too.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

Wow. If our children could like never know what we're talking about and never experience this, that would be great.

SPEAKER_00 29:06

Wouldn't it be? But I just it's just it's just part of life, and especially I think, and Ava would say this empaths, people who are empathetic, like I would say, there's a label for you and me. We kind of can become magnets for the fast mover sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 29:23

And we always try to understand everyone's action, even if it's bad. Yeah. But well, they're only acting that way. Because and but what I have to get through my own head is it's not an act, it's how they are. Very true. If it's a negative thing. Very true. Maybe the rest of it's been an act. And I just haven't seen it yet.

SPEAKER_00 29:45

Yeah, I can get that. Yeah. Well, because we're Gemini twins, and show me the baby time is up. Uh the clock is ticking, and thanks for joining me for another episode. And as always, it was lots of fun, and we digressed in many different directions because that's just what we do. We do. We do. That's how we roll. That's how we roll. Until we meet again for another episode. Thanks for coming. Thank you. Thank you for listening to the Show Me the Baby podcast. And I hope you join me again for another episode. My book, Show Me the Baby, is available at Amazon.com. To learn more about me and a link to order, visit my website, Kristen Lee dot com. That's K-R-I-S-T-Y-N-L-E-E.com.